Not Stalking Firelord Zuko
by emletish
Summary: The immediate postwar period from Katara's ranty POV. shenanigans abound. Chap 24:Song arrives in Ba Sing Se. Shenaniagns ensue.
1. sensible things to say

**To any lovely new readers: this fic is the third part in a series and I highly recommend reading Stalking Zuko, then Not Stalking Zuko first – as I will reference occurrences from those fics in this one. **

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Sensible things to say.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Gran Gran used to say that it is a truth, universally acknowledged, that if you want something done right, you cannot leave it to the menfolk. She is so right! I have been at the water-tribe house all day, doing things **right** for the menfolk. There is much that needs to be done now that Iroh has given my Dad control of one of the firenation navy vessels. Most of the warriors are really keen to get back home to their families as soon as possible. My Dad has enlisted Sokka and I to help with the preparations as he wants us to all spend "time together as a tribe".

What my Dad really wanted was to spend all day with Sokka and I. Dad came over early for breakfast. He and Iroh got chatting, and Iroh has been able to procure a decent size boat for Dad, so that all the warriors who want to go home can set sail immediately after Zuko's coronation, which is in a few days. I wanted to hang out with Zuko today and Sokka wanted to go and check out the metalworkers and how the airship is going. But Dad gently overruled these plans in his Dad way. My Dad is in an odd mood. We have spent nearly all day together in enforced family time. He wants to remind us that he is a "cool" dad and we can "tell him things". He wants to "know what is going on with us".

Our family day got hijacked when my Dad announced to the menfolk that most of them could leave the firenation soon and go home on the new boat. The menfolk were overjoyed with the prospect of returning home. Dad, Sokka and I have been working together to make preparations for the journey. Kukan, as Dad's third in command, is in charge when the ship departs. But there were many shenanigans and arguments about that.

The ship needed to be renamed and there was a spirited discussion about this. Renaming a boat is a big thing in our tribe and there are many superstitions about boat names. Sokka said in a quiet voice that he thought _Yue _would be a good name for a boat. Dad heard him and overruled everybody else and said that the boat would be renamed _Yue _– **no arguments.**

There were many shenanigans and arguments about who should stay with Dad and go to Ba Sing Se to help negotiate a peace. Bato volunteered to stay immediately and Dad gave him a stern look. There were many unsavory comments from the menfolk about the reason Bato wanted to stay so eagerly. Bato let them all slide good naturedly, but he did blush a little and look embarrassed. Dad changed the conversation and stopped the teasing and called for a few more volunteers and the discussion moved on.

-o-

It is the dinner where we all get to meet Ming tonight and Bato went off to fuss in the kitchen. Because he wasn't leaving, he didn't need to pack. The other menfolk did and there was much frantic running to and fro and organizing. I was once again given the mending I hadn't finished the other day, as it should be fixed before the menfolk depart. I hadn't done it **on principle**. I wanted to see if the menfolk would do it of their own accord, if I just never did it. They did not. It had been left in a big pile waiting for when I was feeling _more reasonable_. I was once again furious. If I were a firebender – I think the pile of clothes would have burst into flames in my hands right then.

I decided that now was as a good a time as any to give them my speech about women's rights. I was cross. I already knew what I wanted to say. I had been given the friggin mending again. I tried to get their attention, but everyone was too busy with departure preparations and they ignored me. Being ignored made me even more cross. I felt incandescent with rage. I was just about to climb on the table and demand their attention when suddenly someone took the clothes from my arms and surprised me.

It was one of the servants of this house. I didn't know her, but she knew of me. She bowed deeply and said softly _Lady Katara, you shouldn't be doing this._ She said that she could "see to it" for me and Sir Bato wanted to speak to me in the kitchen. Then she bowed again and scampered away, before I could even say thank you or ask her name.

-0-

Bato was having a bit of trouble in the kitchen, because he can cook for small groups of people, but he'd never done a big dinner. Neither had I, but Bato seemed to think that I would be better at organizing it that he was. I am a good cook, I knew all the recipes and I was in my element in the kitchen – bossing all the servants about and telling them how to make everything properly.

We had to substitute a lot of ingredients and it was hard to get the balance of flavours just right. The water tribe feast actually resembled the one I had made with Hama. Sokka was with me in the kitchen. But he was making a nuisance of himself. He had volunteered to "help me out" and "taste test for me".

Bato had been telling us happily all about Ming and how much we were going to love her when we met her. Sokka and I have always seen Bato as an uncle, as part of our family and he felt the same about us. He was a bit nervous about tonight. He really wanted everyone in the family to like Ming. Especially my Dad, who has **views **on their relationship. Contrary to my Dad, I think that if Ming makes Bato this happy, then she is alright in my book.

Ming was at work today until seven. I asked how she was finding it. Azula had been moved to the convalescent home yesterday. Both Zuko and Ty Lee had wanted to see her in the evening, but Dr Yang had said she was too fragile right now and they needed to give her a day or two to settle in. Bato got a bit shifty because he didn't know if he was allowed to talk about it or not – but he told us anyway, because he is **a gossip,** like all people in the watertribes.

Ming actually really liked it. And it was much easier now that she had a few more guards to help her. She had hand picked guards with reputations for competence and kindness from the various prisons. It was a great promotion for her. But princess Azula…Bato trailed off here and then just said that she sounded like **a very sick girl.** But Ming had told him that she had been both better and worse these last few days, but Bato didn't know what she meant by that.

I asked how it was going with the rest of the tribe and how they were reacting to Bato's relationship with Ming. We all know my Dad's position. He thinks that it is a passing fling and both Ming and Bato will come to their senses soon. Dad doesn't think it'll last. The tribe, for their part, tease Bato and make ribald comments at every opportunity. Bato looked a bit uncomfortable and said that _they were just joking_ and _having some fun_ and he wasn't going to take it seriously. There was something else in the way he said that. It bothered me. What was going on? I hadn't spent much time at the house and I was behind on the gossip.

Sokka told me, while Bato looked a bit embarrassed, that since Bato had taken up with Ming and my Dad hadn't outright forbidden them from seeing each other, the other warriors thought that it would be okay to have a_ passing fling _with firenation ladies too. They all thought that if Bato got a chance to…. (here Sokka looked at Bato and then diplomatically chose the politest euphemisms that the menfolk use)… _dip his wick _and _sow his oats_ - then they should as well. They had ample opportunity because firenation girls are much more **up for it **and they also found the watertribe men to be "exotic". According to Sokka, the menfolk had been at sea a long time and fancied a good fu- I cut him off with a dismayed _Sokka! _

Bato said that it _wasn't just a fling for him,_ quietly but very firmly. Sokka gave him a clap on the back and offered that he shouldn't let it bother him. The menfolk gave him heaps about dating Suki. They'd teased him non-stop about being _Suki-whipped_ and being _"the girl"_ in their relationship and said that Suki had bigger balls than him and all that sort of thing. At least they weren't calling Bato a girly-man. Bato said they probably would after today – because he'd spent so long in the kitchen fussing like an old grandma.

-o-

The girl who had taken the clothes for mending came back and gave me the pile again, with everything done. I tried to engage her in conversation and asked what her name was and she seemed a bit startled. She'd been serving in the house for ages and I was the first water tribe person who had spoken to her, much less asked her name. Her name was Izi. She was a chambermaid, but she assured me she was a good at mending too. I thanked her sincerely and she bowed at me and gave me a shy smile, and scampered away again.

She'd done a good job. Everything had been fixed with neat, even stitches. I handed the garments back to the menfolk. **I hope I never have to see these again!** One thing bothered me. If Izi had been here and willing to fix these the whole time, why did I still get the mending?

I asked Kuba when I gave him back his tunic and he said that none of the menfolk trusted the firenation servants to do anything properly. They knew things would only get fixed properly in the hands of a watertribe woman. He showed the mended sleeve to Hasa and said _you can tell Katara fixed these, this is way better than any firenation stitching. _I took a bit too much glee in telling him that it was firenation stitching and I had just handed the mending off to one of the servants. I told him in part to see the expression on his face and in part because it didn't seem fair to take credit for someone else's hard work.

-o-

Zuko, Toph, Aang and Iroh arrived first, just after seven. I could actually hear them coming along way away. Zuko was saying something like _Okay we are all going to__** try**__ and __**behave ourselves**__ tonight because we are Sir Hakoda's guests. _Zuko wanted to establish a few rules (**no hedgehog song** was his first rule) but Iroh made a dismissive noise and said he was _too serious_ and tonight was meant to be a party after all and Iroh's only rule was that Zuko should _try to have some fun._ Then he knocked on the door and I let them in and gave all of them a hug in turn. After a day with just my tribe, I couldn't be happier to see the four of them.

-o-

Sokka and I welcomed everyone and there was much hugging and much exclaiming of _We've missed you _and _oh it's been too long!_ (It has really only been one day of enforced tribe/family time.) Aang and Iroh _got amongst it_ straight away. They have both already spent a night getting terribly wankered with my tribe and knew everyone pretty well. The menfolk made a great fuss over Aang's arrival. Hasa picked him up and gave him a noogie said _well well well if it isn't my favourite airbender!_ Hasa is a giant bear of a person and Aang looked tiny in his arms. Aang struggled joyfully and Momo came over to try and "save" him from Hasa's clutches.

Aang had brought Momo along because Momo 'got lonely' if he was left behind with no one to play with. After Aang had been released by Hasa, Momo took to running amok and chattering at various warriors. Sorrak – possibly the biggest and meanest looking warrior ever –picked up Momo and started cuddling him like he was a small child and talking to him in a _baby voice._ Momo would chatter back. This was quite sweet.

I was chatting with Zuko and Toph in the corner, because neither of them knew the warriors very well. Iroh joined us and would surreptitiously try to top up Zuko's sake constantly. Zuko caught on pretty quickly. Iroh explained that it had been such a long and stressful day and he just wanted Zuko to relax a little bit. The watertribe house was safe and everyone needed to let off some steam after what happened today. Why? what happened? Zuko gave me a rueful look and said he'd tell me later. I nodded, satisfied.

I tried to introduce them around to a few of the more friendly warriors, but that all ended in tears when I introduced them to Kuba. He very fascinated by Toph. Toph's shortness and blindness confused him. He had heard so much about her, but he couldn't believe that she was _so small._ He had been expecting someone taller and more badass. Toph bristled when her badassery was called into question.

Kuba, made the erroneous assumption that because Toph was a small blind girl, she should be treated delicately and taken care of. Toph crossed her arms and looked exceptionally pissed off, while Kuba continued with his well-meaning but ill-founded point. She was _tiny,_ she was _blind _and she was a _girl_ and she should have _never been in a war zone._ Kuba had fought the firenation and they were tall people -what would tiny Toph do if one of those tall bastards came at her?

Oh this was **so bad!** Zuko, Iroh and I started edging away from Kuba like he was on fire.

Toph said, in a sweet voice, that she would show him what she could do and she said that he should try to hit her. Kuba was shocked at such a suggestion. He would never hit a girl, much less a tiny, blind girl. Toph called his masculinity into question, most rudely, and said that he was probably too scared because Toph would kick his arse to next Sunday.

The surrounding menfolk went _OOoooherr_. Kuba was indignant. There was an audience and he didn't like his masculinity being called into question by a tiny, blind girl with an audience. Eventually he accepted Toph's challenge. Toph said that she wanted him to try and punch her and Kuba did so, half heartedly. Toph dodged easily and said _don't insult me._ She asked him to _really try_ this time. He did so… with predictable results.

Two seconds later, he was lying winded on the ground, and a **small crater** was in the tiled floor next to him. Toph wandered over and **sat on his belly** and said in her badass sarcastic voice _in answer to your previous question, what I would do if a big bastard came at me -__** that's what I'd do.**_ Then she patted his belly, got up and came over to me and said in a much different tone of voice _Katara I'm thirsty after all that arsekicking._ I got her another juice, chuckling to myself the whole time.

-o-

Suki came not long after and nearly fell in the small crater that Toph had made. Toph explained the crater's origins and got a high five from Suki.

-o-

Ming and Bato arrived not long afterwards. Ming was very pretty, in the firenation way. She was tall (nearly as tall as Bato and he's one of the tallest in our tribe). She had black hair and copper eyes and a nervous smile. I welcomed her as warmly as humanly possible and said I was thrilled to meet her and all that sort of thing. I smiled at her a lot and tried to put her at ease. She smiled back at me and said that she had heard so much about me from Bato that she felt she knew me already.

Bato introduced her around to all the warriors who didn't know her. Some of the warriors did because they'd been in "her section" at prison. But these warriors all seemed actually pleased to see her. Many jokes were made about whether or not she had some pickles hidden up her skirt for them tonight.

Apparently Ming knew how much the watertribe warriors in her section loved salty food and she took to smuggling them in pickles whenever she got the chance – to cheer them up and remind them of home. Which strikes me as a little unusual. I mean Suki and Zuko certainly didn't have any of their guards at boiling rock bring them tasty treats.

Iroh made a big show of greeting Ming and saying how radiant she looked and kissing her hand and doing all that stuff, until Ming smiled at all the flattery and called him a _cheeky old flirt_ in a friendly manner. There was a slight awkward moment when she met my Dad (evidently Bato has told her my Dad's position). But Dad smiled at her and said sincerely that it was very nice to meet her at last. Ming glowed in response and said that she was delighted to meet him too. I felt myself give big sigh of relief. I didn't even know I was holding it in.

-o-

Dinner went well, for the most part. Aang (as the Avatar) has position of honour at the head of the table at one end and my Dad sat at the head on the other end. Iroh and Toph sat near Aang. Iroh had quietly whispered to Zuko that he would watch out for 'our young friends' and make sure that they didn't get drunk and that inappropriate things were not discussed in front of them. I don't know how well he succeeded in that endeavour because there was much hilarity from that end of the table. All the warriors got a bit sloshed and a bit rowdy and many of Iroh's more bawdy jokes were told. However it seems like much fun was had by all and that is the most important thing.

I ended up sitting near Ming, because I was so curious about her. She was sitting on Dad's left with Bato. She was trying to make a good impression on Dad and kept smiling nervously at him. Zuko and I sat on the other side with Suki and Sokka. Dinner actually went well, conversation flowed freely and smoothly. At one point Dad ended up telling Ming the story of the **great blubber fiasco**, much to Bato's dismay. Sokka and Dad made many terrible jokes – which they both found hilarious. Suki made many terrible puns, which she found hilarious. Suki and Zuko also took to subtly playing an extremely immature game with watertribe food that I can only describe as _I double dare you to __**eat that**__._

After dinner and before the desert Dad asked Ming how she liked watertribe food so far. Ming had gamely eaten everything in front of her and had kept her horrified facial reactions to a minimum. For this she gets extra kudos from me. Ming said diplomatically that while she enjoyed it, that much salt was probably an _acquired taste._ But she had been expecting the food to be a little salty, judging from the way the menfolk could eat jars and jars of pickles in one sitting.

A curious look came over my Dad's face and he asked her about it. The pickle smuggling that is. It was a bit unusual. He tried to make a joke about how he had been to several firenation prisons and no one had ever brought him a pickle after all. He had many questions for Ming. Why was Ming so good to her prisoners? She didn't seem like the prison guard sort, so why had she gone into guarding anyway? Ming looked a little shy and glanced at Bato and said it was a long story. My Dad said he was very interested in hearing it (as he is terribly curious about Ming and what Bato actually sees in her). Dad gave Ming a persuasive look. Ming nodded and said _okay,_ but she'd have to start right at the beginning for the rest of the story to make sense.

Ming explained that she'd been brought up by her Dad, after her mum died in the battle of Wide Island when she was only young. Because he was a single father with four kids (Ming was the oldest), he was allowed into the home guard, rather than sent to the front. But when Ozai rose to power (she gave Zuko an apologetic glance here – he gave her a nod in response) he dramatically increased the conscription quota and changed the exemption rules – and then you had to be a single parent of five children to be exempt. So her Dad was called up and sent off. His division was a division of newly conscripted recruits and was used in that _terrible strategy_ that Ozai was so fond of. Dad asked _what terrible strategy?_ but I had an awful feeling I already knew which one it was. Ducklings and Hawks.

Ming explained that Ozai and all his buddies that he had promoted to top ranks, especially general Bujing, were fond of using newly conscripted recruits as _diversions._ She had been so pleasant and polite all night, but when she said _diversions _her face pulled into a horrible, disgusted expression. She explained the barebones of the strategy as she understood it and how it was one of the worst kept secrets in the firenation. Everyone knew that if your loved one ended up a conscripted recruit under Bujing's command, then you'd probably never see them again.

As she was talking, Zuko's face took on this odd, almost pained, expression. I reached for his hand under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He squeezed back and then gave me a little glance. I gave him a comforting smile and nodded at him and he looked calmer. I didn't let his hand go and he didn't let mine go. We didn't say anything about it later, but we ended up just holding hands under the table throughout Ming' story.

Dad was disgusted with the strategy and was pretty upfront about what he really thought of it. My dad loves all the men under his command and he couldn't get his head around why a commanding officer would be so cavalier with the lives of his troops. Ming agreed with him vehemently. Ming explained that battle went predictably terrible and her dad's division had been left for dead where they lay.

My Dad looked really awkward then and offered his condolences. Ming said that her dad hadn't died, he was a tough as an old boot. She smiled gently when she said _tough as an old boot._ Then she looked sad and said that he had been terribly wounded, but he hadn't been killed. His legs had been crushed by an earthbender under several boulders.

Sokka asked _what happened next?_ in an apprehensive whisper, like he was speaking in a sick room or something. We were all hanging off her every word now. Ming said that her dad had managed to blast himself out of the boulders with his firebending – but he'd been bleeding terribly. Though he didn't know it at the time, his legs had been crushed beyond repair. Her Dad would tell her when he got home that there were only two things that kept him alive – the thought of getting back to his kids and an Earth Kingdom healer.

This Earth Kingdom healer was in charge of a small field hospital nearby, and he had ordered that all the wounded be brought back to the hospital – including her dad. The Earthkingdom healer had done what he could for her Dad and the other four firenation soldiers still alive from the division. My Dad looked a little skeptical at this and asked _why?_ He was a bit incredulous that an Earth Kingdom healer would take in firebenders. Ming explained that her Dad was later used in a low level prisoner exchange. Five firebenders for one earthbending boy from the village (the healer's son). The boy was on one of those prison barges nearby and her dad was effectively kept as a prisoner of war in the hospital. The firenation captain in charge had agreed to the deal because five for one it seemed like a "fair trade" to him.

Ming didn't care _why_ the healer had done it anyway, because he had done it with grace and benevolence. Her Dad had nothing but kind things to say about this healer. Even though her Dad was a prisoner of war, he was always well fed, and well cared for. He'd been really confused at first, but this healer had explained the situation and how he just wanted to see his son again. And her Dad had told the healer about how he just wanted to see his kids again too. They had a quick chat about their kids and the healer had said something that Ming's father never forgot. He said that _war always has a funny way of distinguishing between the things that matter._ The healer said that he thought that people mattered, but where they were from did not.

Ming said she knew that her dad was alive because of that man, and she'd never be able to thank him properly. She decided that if she couldn't thank him properly, she could at least emulate his example and be decent to people, regardless of where they were from. Her first group of prisoners of war had actually been from the region of the earthkingdom near where the hospital was. Ming tried to be good to all her prisoners, but she always made extra effort with the prisoners of war, because they hadn't committed any crime, save being from somewhere else and that wasn't a crime in Ming's book.

My Dad was a bit skeptical and said that he was surprised that she lasted long in the firenation prison system, if she went about being extra nice to the prisoners of war. Ming said she might be "nice" but she was also an elite grade firebender (she said this with a sly arch of her eyebrow) and besides most people who became guards were **dumb as a box of hammers** and just had mediocre firebending. Ming could outsmart them and outbend them if they gave her any trouble, but she tried to avoid trouble in general. That was why she _sneaked _the pickles in, rather than just brought them in openly. She hadn't ever been caught, but the other guards did think she was _weirdo._

Bato put his arm around her and said that he didn't think she was a weirdo, in what he must have thought was a sweet voice (smooth Bato – real smooth). Ming gave him a big cheeky smile and said_ that is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me. _And I couldn't help but snort back a bit of laughter.

Dad was still surprised that someone like Ming could exist in the firenation prison system, he agreed with Ming's "most guards are as dumb as a box of hammers" statement. Ming said that because my dad was "The Blue Wolf" and he scared the shit out of most _thinking _people in the firenation, he would have gotten only the extra dumb male guards.

My Dad nodded happily at being called the Blue Wolf. He hasn't said, but I think he **secretly loves** his badass, scary nickname. Every time someone calls him the Blue Wolf, he gets this smug look across his face, almost like he is thinking to himself _Oh yeah! That's me! I'm one Badass dude!_

Ming added that he probably only had male guards and Dad nodded in confirmation. Ming said that the female guards were much better. The guys who went in for being guards were often on a bit of a power trip, but most of the women were there for a different reason – to dodge conscription. That was the reason Ming became a guard in the first place. Being a prison guard was one of the least popular jobs for women, but there was such a high demand for them. Firelord Azulon had made female prison guards exempt from being conscripted and so Ming had signed up because it seemed like the easiest way of getting out of having to go to war. Ming pointed at herself and said _I'm a lower-class, elite grade firebender – I knew I had __**catapult fodder**__ written all over me!_

Ming said there were only two ways out of conscription for women. Being a prison guard or being a **single **parent of **five or more children. **Ming had opted for prison guarding because life as a single parent with five or more children seemed like a lot more hard work.

Ming said that everything had worked out for the best in the end, because if she had never become a guard, she would have never met Bato and would have never got the chance to sit round a dinner table with us. She raised her glass in salutation to us and we returned the gesture.

-o-

After dinner, there was a bit of drinking and a few shenanigans from the menfolk (but there always are, aren't there). Zuko was a bit keen to have a chat to Ming and I tagged along. She was chatting to Suki about the Boiling Rock in hushed tones when we interrupted. Zuko asked if he could have a quiet word with her, about Azula. Suki bowed out of the conversation at this point, but I stuck around.

Ming brightened and said that she had been meaning to chat to him about her all night as well. She launched right in with _what's her favourite food?_ Zuko was a bit thrown by the question and thought for a bit and said it used to be cinnamon and vanilla cream puffs – but Azula'd probably lie and say she didn't like them. She always said that she didn't like them as a kid, but she would always unfailing eat them in large quantities when she thought no one was looking. She had once eaten eighteen of them in one sitting and still wanted more. Ming nodded and said _cinnamon and vanilla cream puffs_ to herself.

Zuko asked her how Azula was really going. Ming said gently that Azula had her good days and her bad days still. She had convinced herself that she couldn't bend and Ming felt that all that pent up fire wasn't helping, because Azula was a _little eccentric _to begin with. Ming would later tell me that eccentric is the proper word for describing royalty who had gone **off their rocker, **because they go crazy better than the likes of us.

Zuko wanted to know if she thought he could visit her soon. Ming said gently that she knew _it wasn't her place to say,_ but she thought it would be better to wait a little while before visiting her. Zuko looked a bit sad and Ming offered, in a kind voice, that she thought Azula was getting…not better exactly, but calmer. Ming hoped it wouldn't be too long before she was back on her feet. Then Bato came over and whispered something in her ear and she smiled widely. She excused herself and went off after Bato with a little spring in her step.

-o-

To cap off the evening, **the hedgehog song** was sung in full by Iroh and the menfolk (deary deary me, it is a cheeky song) and dinner wound down. Bato walked Ming home. Zuko collected Toph, Aang and Momo. Momo was the trickiest to extricate because Sorrak was most reluctant to part with his new friend. He pulled his Uncle to his feet and announced that they should probably go too. Sokka and I left with them, because both our beds are at their house and Watertribe house is full to the bursting until all the menfolk depart. However Dad promised to come and collect us so we could spend "more time as a family" tomorrow. Sokka and I exchanged a glance that said _again?_

-o-

Dad did not actually show up early in the morning, as he was probably feeling a bit under the weather. He had sung the hedgehog song too (the mental image will stay with me always). Uncle was also in a similar boat this morning and had not yet emerged from his room. Aang had been dragged off by Jeong Jeong early for firebending practice. Aang protested the whole way down the stairs, in a sleepy voice. Toph was still abed, but that was normal for her. Zuko and I were sitting in the comfy chairs, having a conversation about whether it is harder to get used to spiciness of flireflakes or the saltiness of seaprunes – as an outsider.

Sokka had tried to sneak down the stairs. He told me last night that he was just going to check out the airship in the morning and if Dad came, I should 'stall' him. I assume that's what Sokka had in mind now, but it really is pointless, trying to sneak anywhere with a cast that big. I told him there wasn't any point in sneaking and Dad wasn't here right now.

Sokka came over and flopped in the other comfy chair in relief. He put his foot up and asked Lenka to bring him many breakfast items. Zuko looked between us and asked why Sokka was sneaking out and what my Dad had to do with it. Sokka explained about my Dad's new obsession with being "the cool dad".

Sokka said that he really loved our Dad, but he also really wanted to spend some time with Suki today and he wanted to check out the airship, but he didn't know how to say that without hurting Dad's feelings, now my Dad was so intense about "family time." Sokka felt that we would have nothing but "family time" back in the South Pole and he wanted to spend as much time with Suki now. He also wanted to play with metalworkers and _all their cool gadgets_ and work on his favourite invention while he could. Zuko looked a bit surprised and said quickly and with some alarm _wait, you guys going back to the South Pole?_

I was actually wondering the same thing. Dad hadn't said a word to me about going back to the South Pole yesterday. Sokka said that he and Dad had a quick chat yesterday, and Dad wanted to go after the Peace Negotiations in Ba Sing Se. Zuko looked sad and a bit worried at the same time. I said nothing had been decided yet and Dad hadn't even talked to me about it.

Sokka and I used to talk about home and going home, back in the middle of the war when it was just such a far off distant dream. Intangible and as distant as the moon. I tried to picture home, but the picture was fuzzy. I could hardly remember what home actually looked like, but for a brief second there I felt a longing for the smell of snow and carved wood.

Sokka interrupted my thought and said that he wasn't sure how keen he was to race back home, but he hadn't said as much to dad yesterday. Sokka had seen so much of the world, he wanted to get amongst it and learn things, and build things and invent things and be with Suki. He couldn't do much of that at home and he didn't know how he would tell Dad that. But Dad was our Dad. How could we not go back with him?

I didn't have an answer for him

-o-

Toph woke up and joined us and munched on pastries and Suki wandered over looking for Sokka. Suki was looking a bit more serious today. She sat with us for a bit but then she whispered something in Sokka's ear. He nodded at her and then got up. Suki stood up with him and said that they were going to go off and "have a walk together". We all knew that they weren't really going to have a walk together, because Sokka can't walk very well right now. And also, nobody says they are going to "have a walk" like that if they are actually having a walk. We all knew having a "walk" really meant having a "talk".

Toph told Suki to wait a second. Then she poked Zuko with her foot and said _have you asked her yet? _And nodded very dramatically at Suki. Zuko hadn't. Toph gave him a light poke with her foot and a big frown. All our curiosity was piqued! Zuko looked a bit awkward and demurred that he still didn't think it was necessary and Toph and Uncle were just overreacting. Suki asked what he wanted to ask her and all our eyes focused on Zuko.

He hated all of us starring at him. He said _Fine! Okay! I'll ask her _to Toph. He started rambling that Toph and his Uncle both thought that…and Suki could totally say no if she wanted….and Zuko would totally understand if she said no and if she thought this was ridiculous, because it really was…. Suki crossed her arms and gave him a perplexed look. Eventually he asked if she and the Kyoshi warriors would like to "temporarily" act as body guards whenever he went out in public. Because something had happened yesterday…but that wasn't important**. (What happened yesterday?)**

What was important was that they had to imprison all the imperial firebenders in the dungeons. The imperial firebenders normally served as the firelord's bodyguards for public appearances. Both Toph and his Uncle had been quite keen on the suggestion that the Kyoshi Warriors act as bodyguards in the interim period until Uncle and Zuko could figure out a plan of action.

Zuko was very insistent that it wouldn't be forever and Suki was more than welcome to say no etc. She waved him off and said that she would love to agree. She said he knew she'd always have his back. However she'd need to discuss it with the other warriors first and get back to him. Zuko was cool with that but asked her to tell him by the end of the day so that _this one_ (he pointed to Toph) and _that one_ (he pointed in the direction of his Uncle's room) didn't get their panties in a bunch. Suki nodded and then she and Sokka went off for their "walk".

I waited possibly half a second and then I demanded to know _what happened yesterday! _Zuko looked sheepish and said that it wasn't a big deal and Toph and his Uncle were…Toph interrupted him and said that if he said she was _overreacting _again, she was going to **punch him in the face.** Then she bluntly announced to me that a few of the imperial firebenders **tried to kill Zuko** yesterday**. **

I was gobsmacked.

She turned to him and said that even though only a few of them tried, all of them wanted to do him in. She thought that was **a big deal**. She didn't think wanting Zuko to take extra security measures was an _overreaction _when a _squad of elite, ruthless, trained killers wanted him dead_. Zuko argued with her and said that **all** of the elite, ruthless, trained killers were in the dungeons now and he was perfectly capable of taking a walk without needing a babysitter.

I couldn't believe how casual he was being about this. I flicked him in the head at that point and said _what the hell was wrong with you! _I was beside myself with worry and anxiety and anger. He was trying to pretend that having a force of elite, trained killers after him wasn't a big deal. I was not having a bar of that. I gave him a long, worry fuelled ranty-rant. I ranted that he was being ridiculous and people wanting to kill him was a really big deal! Toph was right! Toph crossed her arms and gave Zuko a smug look at this point (I actually don't think I have ever said **Toph is right** with this much vehemence before). I asked her if she could "give us a minute" and she got up to go and "wake Uncle".

My stomach was wrenching itself into anxious knots. Someone had tried to kill Zuko and I hadn't known, I hadn't even been anywhere nearby. If something had happened, I would….Gah! How could he not tell me this last night! This was really big and important and he hadn't told me! He said that it was meant to be a fun night last night. Also he hadn't wanted to worry me and it wasn't a big deal anyway. I told him that I agreed with Toph. If he said _it wasn't a big deal_ or said that anyone who was worried about his safety was _overreacting_ again – I would smack him. He gave me a surprised look. I amended my statement. I wouldn't smack him but I would be **very cross** with him. Zuko looked a little shamefaced. I asked him what had even happened yesterday?

Zuko said he'd tell me, but I had to promise not to get mad(der). I will make no such promises. Zuko told me anyway, even though there was potential that I would still get extremely mad. He explained that they'd had to lock the imperial firebenders up – because they were all still loyal to his father. But that wasn't surprising because they had all been handpicked by his Father to begin with. Ozai had found some way of communicating with them from prison. Because Ozai has various strong feelings on the matter of Zuko becoming firelord - he had ordered his "squad" to kill Zuko. I made a dismayed face. It worried me about how he could talk so naturally about people wanting to kill him. It worried me that people wanted to kill him at all.

He said reassuringly that none of them had gotten anywhere near him. Toph had been with him and she'd felt them coming a long way away. She'd kicked all their arses before he even knew someone was there. They had been in one of the boulevards near the palace. The squad thought that it would be easier to attack him when he was with "a small blind girl" than when he was with his Uncle. Toph soon **set them straight** on that erroneous notion. Toph had spent most of yesterday lunch demanding that they praise her badassery. But she was fine, and he was fine and Uncle was fine. And in some ways, this was a good thing.

I did not follow the logic there. How could this possibly be a good thing! I was quite vocal about this point. Zuko shrugged and said that they knew a little bit more about how his father went about all his **underhanded deeds** now. They also knew that they needed to tighten security around Ozai even further and that Ozai had a way of communicating with his followers from prison. And they knew who the people in Ozai's "squad" were.

His Uncle had interrogated some of the imperial firebenders yesterday, after they had been thrown in the dungeons. A picture had emerged. The imperial firebenders had all killed for Ozai, but there was a select group that referred to themselves simply as The Squad. The Squad were responsible for _delicate matters._ When Ozai needed someone to_ disappear_ completely and without a trace– it was the squad that made that happen. Zuko said that they hadn't given much away yesterday, but now there was a chance at finding out what happened… to all the people who "disappeared" during Ozai's reign. He didn't say it, but I knew he was thinking about his Mum.

I couldn't help myself – I hugged him right then. He hugged me back but said that it wasn't just about finding _her. _At least 200 nobles and politicians and generals had disappeared during Ozai's reign. Zuko planned to set up an investigation into The Squad and find out exactly what they did to those people. 200 people couldn't just vanish without a trace. Those families deserved to know what had happened. They deserved to have some closure, so that they could move on. Because **not knowing** was the worst thing in the world. I hugged him tighter when he said not knowing was the worst thing in the world.

We broke apart. Zuko said in a brisk tone of voice that now I knew what happened and I didn't need to worry about him. I said that I always worried about him. I added that I was still a little miffed that he tried to brush off the squad trying to kill him like it was nothing and if I had my way, I would go everywhere with him now…. just in case. Zuko smiled at me for a flash, but then he said sardonically that I sounded like Toph and Iroh – as they were both being such fusspots about security now too. I said that they were right and they meant well.

Zuko looked down and said _I know._ He confessed that he knew what a big deal it was and how serious it was– but he just hated the big fuss that Toph and his Uncle kicked up yesterday. Zuko didn't want to think about how much people wanted to kill him at all – who would want to sit around dwelling on that? And Zuko had shit to do – if he spent the whole time worried about people trying to kill him, then nothing would ever get done. Toph and Iroh had driven him crazy yesterday and treated him like he was some delicate flower and nothing annoys Zuko more than being treated like he's a delicate flower. Zuko is very adamant that he is not at all delicate. Or a flower.

Zuko said that I should keep this on the downlow – because he didn't want everyone being weird about it. He'd had to plead and bribe and cajole Toph and Iroh all morning yesterday- to get them to agree not to tell Aang and thankfully when Aang had returned from firebending with Jeong Jeong, they had managed to keep it to themselves.

Wait...He hadn't told Aang?

Zuko said that he hadn't. What could Aang do, really? It would only upset him and I knew _how Aang got_ about _everything Ozai related_. Zuko was sure that telling Aang would be too much trouble. Aang would probably have himself a small freak out, then need to be encouraged down with fruit pies, then he'd espouse some temple wisdom.

Zuko **did not want** to hear any temple wisdom about how his dad was actively trying to kill him again. He was very adamant about this.

Zuko didn't think his brain could cope with Aang talking about two-headed vipers and telling him to forgive his dad right now. It was possible that such an utterance from Aang would cause Zuko's brain to implode in on itself and then we wouldn't have to worry about the squad because Zuko would have died from frustration. I said that it wasn't possible to die of frustration, but agreed to secrecy.

-o-

Toph and Iroh came out and joined us a little later. Iroh wanted to do some 'organizing' of the various government ministers. He wanted to look at who he thought they could trust, who they definitely couldn't trust and who was a bit more mysterious. Iroh is planning on doing more interviews of the ambivalent people with Toph present so she can tell him who is a _liar liar, pants of fire. _They have worked out a system of gestures which they are most proud of. Now they can communicate anything with something as subtle as a little flick of the wrist – and no one will be any the wiser.

They demonstrated this for us. Toph then brushed some 'lint' of her shoulder, scratched her nose and then nodded at me and Zuko. Uncle laughed and then sniffed, blew on his tea and tapped his foot in a pattern. Toph cracked up next to me and said _good one Uncle._ Zuko was looking apprehensively between the two of them and asked what they had just said to each other. Toph said that was the beauty of their gesture system – no one could crack their code and he'd never figure it out. Then she adjusted her hair in a way that was obviously meaningful to Iroh, because Iroh giggled a little. Zuko looked between them again and said _oh this__** isn't**__ going to get annoying at all. _

I stayed and ended up having lunch with them. There was much firenation-y political talk over lunch. Iroh said that they need to get competent people in various crucial administrative roles before they leave for Ba Sing Se. things were all a bit of a mess at the moment. He had a list of all the ministers currently in the crucial roles and where they likely stood on certain issues and how close to Ozai they had been under the previous regime. We went though the list together. Iroh was fairly certain that most of the women in government would be **on his side.** Zuko gave him a look and said that his Uncle shouldn't be so sure. Zuko still remembered the scandal with Lady Rika after all. Uncle looked wistfully off for a second and said something that sounded suspiciously _good times._

Uncle amended his statement and said that most of the ladies in government will be **for peace.** There are ladies in governing roles? I was a bit surprised. Iroh said genially, _well what would be the sense in keeping them out, now?_ He said that he was of the opinion that a day without conversing with a fascinating and intelligent woman was a _day wasted._ Zuko muttered that Uncle did a lot more than just 'conversing' with the ministers. I didn't want to hear any more about what Uncle did instead of conversing. I was just surprised that there were women who held official governmental offices. That was all. Iroh explained that there had been a big uprising among the women of the country around fifty years ago. He'd only been young then, but he still remembered it.

Conscription for women had first been brought in. Women proved that they had equal courage and intelligence to men, but they had been unfairly paid and received much less than the men. Many of the female soldiers, upon returning home had protested for not just equal pay, but equality in all things. It was apparently a long (but interesting) story and Iroh promised to tell me another time. But if he were to cut the long story short, he would say that the female soldiers won their fight for equal pay. And from there a great many other changes had happened – and now at least one third of the current governing officials were women.

-o-

The after we had gone through the list, there was a small group of people who remained that Iroh had no idea about. He used a peculiar phrase and said that he didn't know which way their cookie crumbled. Iroh said that he would go call on them this afternoon – to see which way the wind was blowing with them. He was taking the delightful Miss Bei Fong with him, because her services are invaluable. Zuko wanted to come too – But Iroh thought he should stay here. _For his own safety_ remained unspoken, but we all knew that's what Iroh meant.

They had a small argument, which Zuko lost. His Uncle suggested that he should have a go at writing a coronation speech in the meantime and Zuko reluctantly agreed. Uncle was about to leave, but then he seemed to have second thought. He strode over to Zuko and gave him a huge hug and squished his face a little bit and said _I'll be back before you know it. _

-o-

They left and it was just Zuko and I. As soon as they had gone, Zuko got **restless **and wanted to **escape.** Zuko can be quite contrary sometimes. As soon as you tell Zuko he cannot do something, he immediately wants to do it. Because Uncle had made such a big song and dance about Zuko staying put and not leaving the house – Zuko now wanted to do nothing more than escape it.

We had a small (ridiculous) argument. I pointed out that there were elite, evil firebendery people out there who might try and kill him. Zuko said that they were all locked up now and his Dad wouldn't try again so soon after the first attempt anyway. I said that he was still recovering and had to take it easy and shouldn't be absconding/doing anything strenuous. Zuko claimed he felt fine and walking wasn't strenuous. I said that he should stay here and write the coronation speech. Zuko, in a rare act of procrastination, said that the coronation wasn't for a couple of days and he still had time. He was going to assert his own independence without needing to get his Uncle to sign off on it.

Zuko said that he was just going for a walk and surely I did not think he was incapable of going for a walk. I said it wasn't so much that I thought he was incapable….I abruptly stopped. His face was set in a determined expression. In the end, I could see that all my arguments and pleas for common sense were going to be in vain. So I declared that _if he must _go for a walk, I would just _have_ to come with him. I said this with a big faux-put-upon sigh, but really I was quite pleased. He smiled widely at this.

-o-

We snuck past Lenka and it was a bit like old times – what with all the sneaking. We made it outside the gates pretty quickly. Zuko asked if there was anywhere I wanted to see? I was confused. Zuko pointed out that I hadn't actually gotten a chance to explore most of the capital yet and he offered (while blushing a bit) that since we were going for a walk anyway, he could show me around. I accepted. I have now seen many temples and gardens and boulevards in the city – and the big craters that Toph made in one of the boulevards yesterday.

It was nice just wandering around the city with Zuko. It was almost like a date.

Zuko and I had a great chat. I was intrigued by the idea of women leaders. I asked if one third of the government ministers were **really ladies.** Zuko looked confused. It became clear that he had misunderstood the question because he started saying that he was pretty sure they weren't **men in dresses** – but he'd never asked any of them directly. How could you ask something like that without sounding impertinent? No, it would be better to find out unobtrusively. Maybe if someone lifted the skirt up - but that that would be rude and silly and disrespectful. But maybe….. I cut him off here and said I didn't mean that!

I just meant that there were no women in governing positions in the water tribes. He and Iroh spoke like having women in positions of authority wasn't that unusual. Zuko nodded in comprehension. He said that yes, approximately a third of government officials were women. I was a bit fascinated. Zuko said that it wasn't that fascinating to him because he didn't know anything else. I said that it just seemed so different to the water tribes. My Dad had gone on about how different the firenation was- like it was a bad thing. But not all differences are bad, in my opinion.

Zuko asked me how everything worked in the watertribes? He asked who administered all the health programs and that sort of thing – because in the firenation that had always been a more 'girly' job. Surely ladies were in charge of the health and education side of things. I said that teaching the kids and tending the sick was a woman's _responsibility _in the tribe, but we weren't "in charge" of anything.

I explained that in the Water tribes, there was a chief. The chief was the **head bitch in charge of everything**, but the chief always had a few really close friends, or warriors who had bravely fought who served as his advisors. If women wanted a say in the running of the tribe, they would have to have a quiet word to the chief's mother. But Gran Gran normally deferred to my Dad about most things, in my experience, anyway. Women didn't get a say in the real running of things. If women in the water tribes did, I doubt any of us would have agreed to the menfolk leaving for so long. When they had all left, Gran Gran had sort of being in charge, but whenever there was a major decision, she would defer to Sokka (something which always vaguely annoyed me).

We'd ended up in a park that had a few small lakes dotted about the place. Zuko asked if he could ask me something and I got a bit excited. He hadn't wanted to ask me the question I hoped he'd ask me. Instead he stared at the water for a beat, before he asked quietly if I was really thinking about going back to the South Pole.

There was a long and slightly awkward pause. I didn't want to face the apprehensive look in his eyes and I ended up turning away from him and starring at the water as well. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say _no, of course not._ But I don't know that for sure. I have missed Dad so much, and Dad wanted us to go back with him. We had only been separated because of the war.

The war was over now.

The truth is, I haven't thought that much about it at all, and I have been deliberately avoiding thinking about it lately. I have no idea what the future will hold really. I said as much, because it seemed dishonest to claim otherwise. Zuko nodded, but still looked a bit perturbed.

I tried to explain better and said that both Sokka and I were in a bit of a spot – because our Dad wanted to go home, and he was _Dad._ But I didn't know if I did. I also knew that Sokka wouldn't want to go back without Suki, but Suki didn't want to go, if the attitude to women didn't change. And I couldn't blame her. Since I had travelled all over the world, I'd gotten such a different perspective of home. I thought about a few things differently now.

Zuko asked me what sort of things and the conversation moved on from that little awkward moment. I said that the sexism really did bother me now, so much more than it used to. It annoyed me that even though I am a **great speaker** and have **lots of sensible things to say**, what I had to say went ignored by the menfolk. The firenation seemed a little better in that respect.

Zuko snorted and said _hardly._ I made a face. He explained. Zuko said that no one could accuse really Ozai of sexism because he **oppressed everybody equally** and **Nobody** who had something sensible to say got listened to when Ozai was in power. Even though the lady ministers had some power in their region – the Firelord was still the boss. And a lot of their recommendations had been just ignored by his father anyway.

I asked him how things worked in the firenation, because I didn't understand all this talk of ministers and regions and recommendations. I had explained the water-tribe system, but I didn't really know that much about how the firenation worked. The firenation political system is a bit incomprehensible to me right now.

Zuko tried to give me a really brief explanation. It was brief because I told him to explain it in language even the turtleducks swimming in the lake could understand. I have seen Zuko launch into lengthy three-hour-long explanations back at the Western Air Temple about this subject, and though I love him -my concentration span is not _that _long.

Zuko said that the country had been divided into regions, each region had a minister (usually a popular member of nobility from the region) that would represent that region in the firenation parliament. Currently there were a fair few female ministers who had inherited the positions from their fathers. Their main job was to represent and argue for the region. If there was a problem or a particular need in the region, the minister had to petition the firelord for action and provide a recommendation. I said that didn't sound too hard. He said there was a bit more too it than that, but that would require a much longer and more detailed explanation and he didn't want to bore me…or the turtleducks.

Zuko explained that there had been an initial 'purge' in the first few months of his father's reign. At the start of his father's reign, he had either fired, threatened or 'dissappeared' most of the ministers who did not agree with him. They were such public figures and the fact that they 'dissappeared' made everybody nervous. Some of the _missing people_, who had been _delicately handled_ by the imperial firebenders, were fairly well known ministers who had openly disagreed with Ozai's ascension.

Ozai had then filled their position with cronies and yesmen and people he knew would be loyal to him. These people who were often ill qualified for the job and then proceeded to do only two things: Kiss Ozai's arse and **cock everything up royally **in their region. And now the whole thing was in a big old mess.

The big problem for Zuko was figuring out what to do with the other ministers. All the yesmen were out, but there was a large amount that had retained their positions throughout Azulon and Ozai's rule. These ministers were all nervous about the change in leadership; especially in light of what had happened when his father was first in power.

Zuko would never 'disappear' anyone, but he didn't know how to reassure people of this. And he was also a bit apprehensive of all the ministers in general- because it was so hard to tell where people really stood. Some of them had been in the jobs for over twenty years. They had obviously been good at them at one point, but either through fear, or silent agreement, they had gone along with all of Ozai's shenanigans.

I thought _twenty years, schmenty years _and if Zuko couldn't tell where they stood, then he would be better off dismissing them and starting from scratch with people he knew he could trust. Zuko made a rueful smile and said that'd only leave….like five people! Was one of them me? Zuko said of course one of them was me.

Zuko didn't want to just _fire everybody_ and start again from scratch because replacing everyone would be impossible right now. Also firing everyone was a bit horrible. Some of the people who just went along with things, could still be good at the jobs and probably still wanted to do right by their region. Zuko didn't want to judge them for keeping a low profile and going along with things, because he had kept quiet in that war meeting hadn't he?

I demurred that was an_ entirely different situation. _Zuko disagreed. He knew what his dad was saying was **evil and really** **bonkers,** but he hadn't said anything against it at the time. His father had controlled the country by fear and Zuko didn't want to do that. And he thought that starting off his reign by firing everyone would be a poor beginning. He was going to try and work _with_ people, rather than just control them.

I said that it was a nice idea. Zuko smiled uncertainly and said we'd have to wait and see how it worked out in practice. He didn't want yesmen to just smile at him and say everything was fine; when everything was shit – because a system like that was no use to any one at all. He wanted the people to know that he really was different from his father and he thought the best way he could show that was by being willing to listen to them. He said that he wanted to make sure that all the **clever people** with **lots of sensible things to say** got heard. I gave him a big smile at that.

-o-

We'd gone the long way round the city and it was just at this point that we emerged near the Palace and I was greeted with the most unusual sight. **A big crowd of floozies** were gathered around the gates. Most were dressed a little sluttily. Some of them were peering through the gates. Some of them had signs._ (ugh the sighs!) _All of them were looking for Zuko – or at least that's what I assumed they were doing. I admit I only gathered this information from the bawdy, lewd and cheeky signs.

What the **fresh hell** was this?

Zuko blushed and said _oh bollocks,_ _not this again_ and darted back into the alley. I followed. When we were around the corner I raised a questioning eyebrow. Zuko said that maybe we should go the long way round back to the house. That wasn't answering the question posed by my eyebrow – so I asked it regular style. I asked _what the hell was that? _and nodded towards the palace and the mob of floozies.

Zuko blushed and said that last time he'd been home at the palace, they'd gathered every morning and they must have thought he was staying in the palace now. (He's not, he's been putting off moving in until after the coronation, because the he finds the villa _cosier –_ whatever that means.) He explained, with awkward embarrassed shuffling, that whenever he'd left the palace through the front entrance, he'd had to walk through them.

They'd **go bananas** whenever he did that. If he ever waved at them – some of them would like…. faint and shit. So he **stopped waving** pretty quickly. The floozies weirded him out a little and he didn't know what to do about them – so he just let them be. He didn't know what they wanted from him. I crossed my arms grumpily, and leaned my head out a bit to get another look at the crowd of floozies. I said with some sarcasm that judging from the signs, I could tell that at least eight of them **wanted his sexy body, **six of them wanted** kiss him all over** andfour of them** wanted his babies**. Zuko groaned and said _oh no – is it that bad? _

What? That bad?

He leaned back against the wall and looked acutely embarrassed about the whole floozy thing. I was a little taken aback. I had been maybe, just a smidgen….jealous. Well not…. jealous exactly. More resentful. I was resentful of the floozies, because Zuko is mine and I don't want them floozing onto him with their floozy wiles. I was also resentful of the crowd of floozies because of what I assumed would happen to Zuko's personality after he encountered them.

Aang always gets **dreadfully bigheaded** when there is a crowd of floozies following him around. Sokka too, had a mob of girls from some poetry class in Ba Sing Se, who used to titter and wave at him coquettishly. He always got **ridiculously smug** whenever we ran into his fanclub in the street. I didn't tell him, but Toph took to tripping all the girls over with her earthbending whenever he wasn't looking – in an effort at discouraging them. I had approved of this and we'd high-five in solidarity. I was used to Aang and Sokka being dickheads whenever there was a large group of girls vying for their attention. Neither Aang nor Sokka would hide in alleys and groan in embarrassment – if such a crowd of floozies was waiting for them.

But Zuko's not like the other boys I know. He has always been a bit shy and self-conscious about this sort of thing. Ever since I've know him, he's never struck me as a "smooth" sort of guy. He looked like he'd rather sit through another awkward man-to-man talk with my Dad, or eat seaprunes, or listen to Aang's temple wisdom than deal with the flooozies. I was kind of glad that he wasn't into the crowd of floozies. Still I couldn't help but test him a little, because Aang used to pretend he didn't like the attention when really he just loved it.

I asked Zuko, in a teasing tone, if he wasn't pleased to know that – (I peered round again and looked at another sign) - at least one girl thought **he had the most lickable body in all of the firenation. ** It was one of the more ridiculous signs. Zuko made a face and said _Lickable?_ with some confusion and panic. I looked around the alley again and then nodded in confirmation. I told him _that's what it says._

Zuko looked a bit disconcerted and said _I mean it's nice that they think I'm… lickable…I guess. _He still seemed a bit freaked out by the lickable thing. He said he was a bit uncomfortable with all the attention and found it a bit unnerving. He wanted to be polite to them, but he didn't want to encourage them at the same time. He certainly didn't want to make any of them faint -because things always got really awkward when one of them fainted. The first time one of them fainted he had tried to help but that **made it so much worse**.

He had no idea what to do with a flock of girls who thought he was lickable. I said _no idea at all, eh?_ A little cheekily. He blushed and said _oh, you know what I mean._ He gestured towards the Palace and said _All that…it's not about me at all._ I corrected him and said that judging from the signs, _it really was all about him_. He said okay, it was about him because he was a prince, but it wasn't really about **the real him.** None of those girls knew who he was, really. And all that attention was a bit shallow in the end. Zuko hoped they'd get over it soon and find someone else to go bananas over.

I glanced one more time at the flock of floozies and said I didn't fancy his chances right now. They all looked like pretty determined floozies to me. I was suddenly struck by a horrible thought. What if some of them were so determined that they took to stalking him? I warned Zuko of this possibility.

Zuko looked at me with a rather incredulous look on his face. He made the face that Sokka does when he thinks he's got a **really tremendously hilarious joke** up his sleeve. Zuko bit his bottom lip for a second. Then it seemed like he just couldn't contain himself any longer. He asked me, just for clarification, _if __**I **__was warning __**him**__ about __**girls stalking**__ him?_ I made a very flabbergasted face at him and he just cracked up laughing. I gave him a light thwack on his shoulder (sometimes I really miss the commonsense stick) and told him to _shut up_ affectionately.

He didn't shut up.

Judging from the guffaws and chortles and sniggers that followed, this is **the funniest joke** Zuko has ever made in his whole entire life. Possibly the funniest joke anyone has ever made in the history ever. It's hilarity will, in fact, never be repeated. He laughed till he snorted gracelessly – then it was my turn to laugh at him.

It was nice to see him so gleeful, after everything that happened yesterday. He's so serious all the time. He's so stern with other people and he's so intense about things. I think I am the only person in the world who gets to see Zuko laugh till he snorts, and that thought makes me happy.

-o-

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Rambly author's notes follow.

Welcome lovely readers to the first chapter of Not Stalking Firelord Zuko. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! There were a few little references, and if you spotted them -you get a million virtual high fives from me. The opening line :_ it is a truth universally acknowledged…. _Is a shameless nod to Jane Austen and "Pride and Prejudice". In many ways I think that Zutara, had it been canon, would have had a lot of similarities to Pride and Prejudice – but that is a rant for another time. _War has a way of distinguishing between the things that matter _– is from the new series of "Downton Abbey" – which is just a fabulous slice of britishness, if you haven't seen it._ I will make no such promises _is a little nod to the brief snippet I have seen of "Legend of Korra".

I am currently unable to watch Korra and have just seen little snippets. I'm waiting for it to show on normal TV in Australia or I can get the DVDs– whichever happens first - we are a bit behind the rest of the world in our land down under.

YMMV on anything and everything lovelies!

So in first half of this chapter, Hakoda wants to spend lots of time with his kids and with his tribe. Hakoda has missed out on a lot with his kids because of the war. Three full years at least. His recent spats with Katara and Sokka's preoccupation with Suki would have re-inforced for him the need to be closer to his kids. He's realized that he doesn't actually know what is going on with them right now.

They have both grown from the children they were when he left into adolescents that he loves, but he doesn't know very well. His kids adore him too, but in some ways, having Hakoda around permanently would be a hard thing for them to adjust to. They were so _free _before and now they are faced with his firm parental expectations for the first time in years. One of these expectations is going to become an issue. Hakoda just expects and assumes that they will both be happy to come back home to the South Pole with him after the peace negotiations.

This whole going back to the South Pole issue is a bit up in the air at the moment, for both Katara and Sokka. Katara wants to stay with Zuko, she doesn't want to be separated from her father again (though they've had spats recently – she does love him). She hasn't quite figured out what she'd do in the firenation if she were to stay (that'll come later lovelies), whereas she knows exactly what she'd do and what would be expected of her at the South Pole. While she doesn't like the sexism, the comfort and the lure of _home _and _the familiar _would be strong. So she doesn't really give Zuko an answer when he asks her directly, because she doesn't have an answer herself yet. But her lack of answer will make Zuko nervous. And it will also play a part in his decision when _**you-know-who**_ comes back. (ps it's not Voldemort.)

Iroh has bequeathed Hakoda the ship that he mentioned in the last chapter of NSZ. This ship, which will be repainted with SWT emblems and renamed, will ferry the homesick Water Tribe Warriors home. Some of these men have family waiting for them in the South Pole, some of them are just plain homesick and all of them would want to go home. Realistically, Hakoda probably only needs a small handful of other warriors with him during the negotiation process – to serve as advisors. Bato, as his oldest friend, and also because he doesn't want to leave Ming – immediately volunteers.

I also floated the issue of post-war sexual relations, when I mentioned that some of the water tribe warriors would begin looking at firenation women as the source of a quick f**k . After the relationship between Bato and Ming is revealed and Hakoda's tacit approval, it is 'acceptable' for the men to think about 'sowing their oats' etc. Hakoda does not explicitly forbid the union afterall– but simply thinks it will not last. For warriors just searching for a fulfillment of their needs, the fact that the relationship will not last will actually be an incentive. All sorts of power and gender dynamics come into play with this issue - but at this point I'm not sure how far I'll pursue it. This topic can lead to a bit of a dark place. On the whole, while I'll try to tackle a few more 'serious' issues in this fic, I will try and keep it on the lighter side.

A few other things come up at the WaterTribe House and during dinner. The** infamous mending** makes a reappearance. We get to see how Bato and Ming are as a couple and get to know more about Ming as a character. While Bato has a whole episode about him, Ming is only in brief snippets of the show. I wanted to flesh out her character a bit more. She was a bit of a puzzle to me – because she was so decent and kind and those are two adjectives that are not normally associated with firenation prison guards. She clearly disapproves of how the other guard treats Iroh and goes a long way out of her way to bring Iroh some comforts.I thought about why someone like Ming would become a guard in the first place and her whole back-story grew from that.

There are two people who I would classify as 'good guards' that we see in the series. Ming and the Woman from Boiling Rock. If you think about it, that Lady Guard's actions are very noble. She sees a male guard loitering in front of a cell in the female block. **Think of the conclusions she must have drawn!** This guard does not turn a blind eye to it. She actively intervenes when there is the possibility of sexual assault. And she does this to protect Suki- a prisoner of war. Lets face it, prison was never going to be a pleasant experience for female prisoners of war. While this woman did arrest Zuko – I think she deserves some kudos for intervening on behalf of a prisoner, when there is the possibility of abuse to the prisoner and when I don't think such an action would win her any friends in the guards lounge.

So the two nice guards we see are fairly kind, forthright women. The male guards all either seem a touch sadistic or dumber than a box of rocks. To explain this disparity in the caliber of guards – I decided that there had to be some sort of additional incentive for female guards. Something that could explain why someone kindhearted like Ming would want to be a guard in the first place.

I think that there were be a great need for female guards, but the position would not be highly sought out. There would also be the problem that because most guards came from the lower classes, they were all eligible for conscription. Because it seems like guards must be benders, benders would be called up first. So even if you could attract and train female benders to prison guard positions, there a good odds that they could be called up. So I think Azulon would have made female guards exempt from being conscripted.

This action would actually attract the sort of women who would be less inclined to be cruel to prisoners in the first place. Women looking to dodge conscription would be women who didn't agree all that much with the war and women who had heard the rumors about how General Bujing and his ilk planned battles and decided that **they want to live.**

I think that Ming and possibly many other lower class people, would be in the same boat, secretly disagreeing with the war, in their heart of hearts. But not really having much of a choice in how the war is conducted. The firenation might not be that sexist in comparison with the water tribes, but it is definitely elitist and classist. The conscripted recruits would be primarily from the lower classes (because there would be many more loopholes available to members of nobility - Ozai never served active duty now did he?). The lower classes are seen pretty much as cannon-fodder in that war meeting that Zuko attends when he's 13. I think that the way General Bujing and his fellows conducted the war and saw the newly conscripted recruits as disposable and used them as diversions – would be one of the worst kept secrets in the firenation.

Ming has also been influenced by the experience of her father, who was injured as a new recruit under General Bujing (the only general who Zuko challenges initially). When I first wrote the chapter about Ducklings and Hawks and the policy of intentionally sending new conscripted recruits to their death in NSZ, I wanted to bring in someone who was a survivor of that strategy later. Ming's father knew that his life was disregarded by the Generals – but found himself the extremely surprised recipient of some earth kingdom hospitality.

I do think this sort of situation was rare. I don't think prisoner exchanges were that frequent. I don't think a man like general Bujing would have agreed to it – so this one was only a low level prisoner exchange, that would have only needed the division's captain's approval. Nevertheless the earth kingdom healer who treated Ming's father would have left an enormous impact on him and he has told his kids all about the experience. he found mutual common ground with this man (their love for their children). When you realise how much in common wou have with an 'enemy' - it becomes harder to see that person as an 'enemy'.

I also detail a little of how I see the firenation internal, domestic political structure. The part about regions and ministers would apply to the domestic day-to-day running of the firenation. I will do a bit on the organization of the military later. Anyway some things like education, health and transport would be somewhat centralized and other things like home guard forces would be localized with a central overseeing body. Most changes would need approval from the firelord. One of the big differences between the firenation and the Earth Kingdom is that the firelord is not just a figurehead. The firelord actually sets the agenda and the political landscape for the country. Because Zuko and Ozai are so vastly different – and change always makes people nervous – a lot of the ministers are going to be nervous about his rule in the early days. Especially because they don't know that much about Zuko and don't know if he will take after his dear old dad and 'disappear' people and do other dastardly things.

Some of these ministers are puppets of Ozai and while Zuko doesn't want to start by firing _everyone,_ he will have to trim away some of the deadweight. These people are **out** and they know it - and some of them will be unhappy about that. The rest of them…well I'm not sure how far along the evil spectrum I would put them. They are probably just pragmatic public servants. If Ozai could make Ursa, a very public figure and member of the royal family **completely disappear **then I can imagine how apprehensive that would make people. I can't blame them for keeping a low profile and going along with things. I don't think it would be feasible, at this stage in his reign for Zuko to just fire and then replace everybody. I think the firenation is too big and complex to be completely overhauled in one fell swoop. Even Ozai would have disappeared/fired/killed people in stages. Anyway, I think that to show how drastically different he is from his father, Zuko wants to take a more co-operative approach and _work with _people – rather than just _dictate to_ them. Bless his cotton socks, he is being rather idealistic here. We'll see how that pans out for him over the coming chapters.

Toph and Iroh are a bit of a dynamic duo themselves and have quickly become fast friends and developed their own code of symbols. They were gossiping about Zuko and Katara through gestures - but Zuko and Katara will never know! (they will probably guess pretty soon - because Toph's not into being subtle.)

So there was also a bit of talk about assassinations, "the squad" and disappearing people in this chapter. Most of the post-war fics I have read, have people trying to assassinate Zuko. Katara wasn't present for this attempt, but has herself a small freak out when she hears about it. I honestly think that Zuko would try and downplay it. He's had people try to kill him before after all. He's not pleased about it at all and he knows how serious it is, but he doesn't want to dwell on it overly – because that leads to a bad mental place and he has stuff to do. He also doesn't like being coddled and while he loves Toph and Iroh, their concern is grating on his nerves. I think that an outside force like the Kyoshi warriors would be a better bet for Zuko in the interim, than some of the domestic firenation forces - because they are still not quite sure how far Ozai's influence stretches.

Ozai was behind the attempt – because I do think that just because he's locked up, doesn't mean he still can't cause trouble for Zuko (and he will). The Squad would be his most loyal imperial firebenders, they would have been hand picked by him, and had their positions elevated by him and they have done a lot of Ozai's dirty work for him, quietly and efficiently.

I hypothesize that Ozai wouldn't have had a qualm with disappearing people. The investigation into the disappeared people/ The Squad will be something that niggles at Zuko for all kinds of personal reasons. I have my own theory about what has happened to Ursa, but you will have to wait to find out what that is (But I promise you I will answer it – either in this fic or at the very least a one-shot set later in the stalking universe).

Zuko and Katara have a nice not-date and a chat about their respective countries. I think Zuko would be genuinely curious about how the other nations are run/regulated. Katara wants to understand the firenation better. I also wanted to flag that while I think the water tribes are exceptionally sexist – the firenation would not be perfect either. The sexism in the water tribes is **explicit.** Women are _not allowed_ to do this. I think that the sexism in the firenation would be more **implicit.** There would still be something of a glass ceiling and traditionally assigned gender roles are still in play (eg Zuko remarks that health and education are seen as more feminine areas of expertise in politics). I think that the firenation is much further ahead when it comes to gender equality now. But the women of the country would have still had to fight for it bitterly (eg the fight over equal pay for soldiers 50 years ago got the whole ball rolling.)

There is a crowd of floozies, waiting at the palace gates, for a glimpse of Zuko – much like there was in canon. Zuko did not seem into that at all in the show and it is one of the areas where he differs greatly from Aang and Sokka. (Aang is like tinkerbell – he needs applause/attention to live!) I actually think the floozies/fangirls would freak Zuko out a little. They certainly annoy Katara a great deal. And she makes an unwise comment about their potential to be stalkers. Zuko cannot resist the juicy bait just dangled in front of him then (could you?) I just wanted him to talk the piss out of Katara **– just once-** for her stalking behavior at the start of this fic series.

Next chapter: a coronation speech will be practiced and a speech about women's rights will be given and there will be shenanigans!

Til then lovely readers….


	2. facing things

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Facing things

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-o-

My Dad was waiting back at the house for us. Well, waiting for me at least. Sokka was there too – trying to explain how the airships would actually work to Iroh while Toph made sassy remarks about how they (and Sokka) were **both full of hot air.** Sokka had drawn many diagrams and was gesturing wildly. I think a model had been made.

My Dad crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow when Zuko and I came through the gates – but he didn't comment. Iroh did. He appeared delighted and asked if we had fun on our _date _with a great deal of excitement. In front of my dad. Boo. Zuko and I both blushed and demurred that it hadn't been a date. We were just going for a walk etc. Toph came up to stand beside Iroh and coughed meaningfully and tapped her foot in a pattern. Iroh slipped her a few coins and muttered something like _fine, you were right_.

My Dad said that he had come to collect Sokka and myself. We were going to have dinner together again tonight. He said this in a way that allowed for no arguments. I glanced at Sokka, who was hopping over on his crutches. He gave me a glance that said _just go with it_ and tried to shrug but that is really hard with crutches. So after a brief goodbye to everyone, Sokka and I left following Dad.

-o-

I ended up in the kitchen again. Unsurprisingly. Sokka was also there. Taste testing. The menfolk were under the impression that I had cooked last night's dinner from scratch and that is why it tasted so good. In reality, I had just delegated to the servants and frequently advised them to add more salt. That was pretty much what I did with Sokka this afternoon. Sokka and I were sitting on the benches, and occasionally taste testing and always advising more salt.

Periodically Dad would pop his head in and want to chat to us to us about what was going on with us. He was especially interested in our 'walks'. Dad had come over before Sokka had gotten back with Suki and had to wait with Iroh and Toph til we both returned. He would ask questions that I'm sure he thought were subtle – but they weren't really. Sokka and I both would respond awkwardly to my Dad's questioning. Thankfully Dad was frequently called away, because he had **many duties** as chief in preparing for the warriors departure.

Saved by the duties!

When he had left. Sokka and I came up with a plan to divert the conversation away from the subject of **walks** and onto other things. We quickly discussed how long Dad's obsession with 'Family time' would last and whether it would be feasible to tell him that we wanted a day of non-family time tomorrow. Neither of us wanted to be the one to tell him and potentially hurt his feelings, and so an agreement was reached that if it came down to it, we would tell him together. Though I have a sneaking suspicion that Sokka will chicken out and let me do the talking. He always backs down when it comes to dad.

Our plans were interrupted by Aang, who came bursting into the kitchen. He was obviously upset about something. He flung himself at me and gave me a big hug around the middle. I hugged him back and ordered tea and coaxed him out into the living room – where we could talk better.

-o-

Aang's interruption was a blessing. Dad could no longer get a word in edgewise for all of Aang's _woe-is-me _carrying on. We sat on the couches and I fed Aang tea and biscuits and offered as much reassurance as I could while he told us all what had happened.

According to Aang Jeong Jeong had been terribly demanding all day. He'd make Aang do stupid breathing exercises all the time and then he'd made Aang meditate on a burning leaf – Aang protested that he had already mastered the burning leaf and he already knew how to breathe. Aang pointed out that he knew enough firebending to beat the firelord during the comet and he didn't need to do boring breathing exercises. Jeong Jeong jumped from breathing exercises to the most advanced set and knocked Aang down in one blast. I gasped with worry. But Aang told me quickly that he was okay. I got a bit worried and checked Aang over for injuries- but he was fine, just a little bruised. It was his pride which had taken the real hit, and he was feeling low and wanted reassurance.

Jeong Jeong had used the fact that he could easily knock Aang down as proof Aang 'wasn't ready' and 'needed more time to focus on his breathing and control.' Aang had been furious because he didn't think it was fair to jump from breathing exercises to scorpidillo forms. They'd had a large argument that got a bit out of hand.

Jeong Jeong started going on about how the fact that Aang was irresponsible and always ran away from things proved to Jeong Jeong that he still had a long was to go and needed to get more of a grounding in the basics of mediation and breathing. Aang had played the 'I am the Avatar' card and told Jeong Jeong that he had wisdom and had defeated the firelord and was ready to do some real firebending. Jeong Jeong gave Aang a long rant about how Aang couldn't expect any special treatment from Jeong Jeong. Jeong Jeong did not think that Aang deserved it, merely for being the Avatar. Aang had gotten upset and gone to Zuko.

There has now been 'a scene' at Zuko's house. Aang has told us all about it, in great detail. Aang had wanted Zuko to be his firebending teacher again, and Zuko had initially said no, because he would be too busy etc and said that Jeong Jeong was one of the most respected benders in the country and would be a good teacher. Aang said he wasn't being a good teacher and told Zuko and Toph his tale of woe.

Toph agreed in part with Jeong Jeong, because Aang needed to learn to stand his ground. She pointed out that she had been really hard on him at the start when teaching him earthbending – to hammer this point home. She thought that firebenders are normally pretty feisty people, who always get their panties in a twist and fight back when they're challenged. She said that Jeong Jeong was probably just trying to get Aang to fight back – like she had done.

Zuko had protested that he didn't 'always get his panties in a twist when he was challenged' and Toph had just **looked **at him. Then she said _you snore really loudly_ quickly. Zuko got stroppy and was very adamant that he doesn't snore (he is right, he doesn't) – but his grumpiness kind of proved Toph's point for her and she was most smug about pointing this out.

Zuko said that he thought that Toph was wrong and that Jeong Jeong didn't want Aang to fire a fireball back – so to speak. Zuko said that Jeong Jeong did have a point about breathing and control. He admitted that he hadn't taught that to Aang very well. He thought that Aang needed to know combative firebending and they hadn't had much time, so he'd skipped past a great deal of the breathing and the theory stuff. Aang was a bit downtrodden because he thought that Zuko was on Jeong Jeong's side.

Jeong Jeong had shown up at the house looking for Aang. He had given Aang some time to _cool off_ – but now he wanted to resume training. Zuko had tried having a _quiet word_ to Jeong Jeong, but it quickly turned into a **loud word.** Toph and Aang had eavesdropped – of course they had. They were joined by Iroh. The shouting was quite loud and had gotten his attention.

Zuko had taken Aang's side in his argument with Jeong Jeong. He said that Jeong Jeong should go easier on Aang. Aang was **just a kid** and that moving straight to scorpidillo forms from breathing exercises was just setting Aang up for failure and Zuko didn't think that was very nice. Jeong Jeong had been derisive about this and said that fire wasn't a _'nice'_ element to begin with. Then he had a go at Zuko about teaching Aang the really advanced stuff before Aang had properly mastered his control. Jeong Jeong thought that was stupid and reckless. Zuko got defensive and it all went down hill from there. It ended with Jeong Jeong called Zuko a hot-headed, impulsive, impatient idiot who had no business teaching Aang scorpildillo forms in the first place and Zuko calling Jeong Jeong a bitter old man who was taking his disappointments out on Aang.

Aang, as the Avatar, had ill advisedly tried to play mediator, but was told to shut up by both Zuko and Jeong Jeong. Iroh had more success at playing mediator. He said that everybody should have some hot noodles and tea and calm down. Noodles did have a somewhat calming effect – everybody had to be quiet while they ate.

Jeong Jeong finished his bowl first and said that he felt that Aang was not yet ready to learn firebending. He _still _had not yet mastered earth and water and he had also failed to master himself. Aang had no discipline and no desire to learn discipline. Aang expected firebending to be easy, and Zuko mollycoddled him and made it too easy for him. Toph had snorted noodles out her nose at this pronouncement and coughed like she was choking. And there was much ado. She is fine – noodles just went down the wrong way.

After Toph had done her coughing thing, Zuko got most irate and said that he never mollycoddled Aang. He didn't make things easy for him. Aang had agreed with this and said _he really doesn't!_ Jeong Jeong ignored Aang. Instead he asked Zuko if Aang had always been an attentive student for him then? Did Aang work hard, dedicate himself towards learning and listen to what Zuko told him? There was an awkward, silent pause which told Jeong Jeong all he needed to know.

Zuko said that he would concede that Aang wasn't a perfect student. Zuko said that Aang was a bit flighty and had the tendency to run away at the slightest sign of trouble and cried at the drop of a hat – in front of Aang. Aang had protested that he was sitting **right there** at the table. Zuko waved Aang's protests off and said to Jeong Jeong that despite all that, Aang was a _smart kid_ and a _good kid._ He had come a long way since Zuko started teaching him and was more than capable of learning, if Jeong Jeong took a different approach. Zuko said that Jeong Jeong should try being less rigid during lessons and meet Aang halfway.

Iroh asked if Zuko's suggestion was amenable to Jeong Jeong. Could Jeong Jeong try a less rigid approach? Jeong Jeong crossed his arms, disgruntled and said that fire was such an evil and dangerous element – he did not think a reckless approach to teaching would help Aang. Zuko paused and then couldn't seem to help himself. He snapped _Well, I don't think always banging on about how__** evil**__ fire is helps very much either!_

The whole shenanigan had ended with Iroh trying to calm every one down again and supply everyone with more noodles. But Jeong Jeong had abruptly stood up and refused to partake in more noodles. He announced that he was tired of fighting. He did not wish to quarrel with Zuko and he had only the deepest respect for his old friend Iroh. He then bowed deeply and Zuko and Iroh and said that he would apologize for his behavior but not his beliefs. He had agreed to teach the Avatar as a favour to Iroh, but if Aang wasn't willing to put his heart into it – Jeong Jeong could not see it working out well.

Aang said that he_ was _putting his heart into it – but Jeong Jeong made it **so hard.** Jeong Jeong had come right over to Aang and looked him in the eye. Jeong Jeong smiled kindly at him and said _firebending is hard, Young Avatar. Life is hard. _He had been surprisingly gentle, and it was disconcerting for Aang who was so used to seeing him gruff and mean.

Jeong Jeong said that in life, Aang would have to really struggle and really work for the things he wanted. He would falter, but he must learn to persevere. That was what Jeong Jeong was trying to teach him today. But instead of learning - Aang fled and cried to Zuko. Jeong Jeong announced that he was no longer willing to teach Aang. He said to Aang, still in that same gentle tone; _We all have our battles to face, Young Avatar. You do not face yours head on. Until you do – I cannot teach you._

-o-

Jeong Jeong had left after that. Iroh said that they should let him go and cool off. He'd know Jeong Jeong a long time and thought that Jeong Jeong just needed some _alone time._ Iroh promised Aang that he would talk to Jeong Jeong in the morning and they would work something out. Aang had felt a bit out of sorts and wanted some reassurance that Jeong Jeong was wrong about him. Because I am the most reassuring person Aang knows, he had elected to come and see me.

I don't like seeing Aang sad and distressed and I tried my best to cheer him up. I sat with Aang on the couch and gave him cuddles and tea and biscuits. I couldn't just say that Jeong Jeong was wrong though – which was what Aang wanted to hear I think. It was a bit tricky because I could see Jeong Jeong's point. I mean I wasn't on Jeong Jeong's side by any means. And I could see Aang's point as well. It would be frustrating to have to go back to firebending basics after all he had done with Zuko.… But Jeong Jeong did have a point about Aang's lack of perseverance when things got hard. He wasn't completely wrong about that.

I didn't want to say this to Aang, because that would hurt his feelings. Instead I said as diplomatically as I could, that Aang_ might_ have run away a few times - but I knew he had it in him to be strong and persevering in the face of hard work. It would just take practice. But I knew he could do it. I had seen him face things head on, and he had always been very brave.

Sokka agreed with the general sentiment of what I said and added various encouraging things and outlined all the times in our travels that Aang had directly faced things. Sokka and Dad had also been present for most of Aang's tale. They sat in the chairs opposite us. Dad didn't say anything, but he listened to Sokka speak and watched Aang with a thoughtful look on his face.

Aang still seemed a bit glum, so I invited him to stay for dinner. This put a bit of a spanner in the works of a watertribe-only/family-time dinner. But Aang is my family too. I am pretty good at knowing how to cheer him up. A bit of honey stir fried veggies and some time with the menfolk – who all adore him and think he is fabulous – would cheer Aang up in no time.

-o-

Dinner was a bit of a disaster. Well at the start it was okay; I had the cook make up honey stir-fried veggies for Aang, the menfolk fawned on him and his mood improved. All that was good. But somewhere towards the middle of dinner, I totally lost my cool. I have now exploded at all the men folk in the watertribe and stomped off hysterically. This speech/tantrum has been brewing for a long time. I can't pin point the exact thing that set me off. It was a culmination of little things. It's been a culmination of everything, really.

During dinner there was lots of teasing of Bato and Sokka and how they were 'whipped' just because they appreciated their girlfriends. According to the other menfolk, cooking for your girlfriend and listening to what she says is** unmanly**. I was a bit cross about that. Sokka and Bato dismiss it as just harmless fun – but I know it hurts Sokka's feelings a little bit when they go on about how Suki wears the pants and has bigger balls than him etc.

I said Suki was my friend and I didn't care for their jokes. I was accused of being a **no-fun fussybritches.** The menfolk said things like _It's just a joke, jeesh, have a sense of humor_. The menfolk might dismiss it as a joke, it's not funny. I am not laughing (and if the menfolk had two eyes in their heads and a grain of sense – they would see that Sokka and Bato weren't laughing either.)

One of the young warriors, Hanook is sure that one of the chamber maids is totally into him. He is certain that she wants him. Because she's a slutty firenation girl, (why is the woman always the slut in this equation?) He wants to give her a tumble. My Dad gave him a disapproving look and he shrugged and said that if Bato can have a shagging buddy, so can he. Bato gave him a disapproving look.

He was talking about this kitchen maid like she wasn't even a person. I don't even know which of the kitchen maids he was referring to, but I was still cross on their behalf. I pointed out the hypocrisy of calling the kitchen maid a slut, when it was Hanook who wanted to give her a tumble in the first place. Didn't that make Hanook a slut too? He looked at me like I was daft and explained slowly _men can't be sluts Katara – everybody knows that. _I fired back that they certainly could be **idiots!** quickly, and Hanook looked a little taken aback that I had insulted him to his face. But I didn't care, because my patience was wearing thin by this stage.

There was an awkward pause, which may Dad tried to fill. He asked how everyone felt about going home soon and was greeted with cheers and conversation moved on. The older menfolk started talking about their wives and how much they were looking forward to going home. They missed their wives. At first it was quite sweet, but then I realized quickly from their talk that one of the principle things that they missed about their wives was all the things their wives did for them. They were looking forward to homecooked meals made to their specifications, and laundry done for them, and houses cleaned under their feet, and nets mended and children tended – all while they played master of the house and head of the family.

I knew those women and I had a brief moment to think about them. They had been left of their own for a long time. Three years is a long time. We got by in the south, but for three long years we had been a tribe of mostly women. We had done both the male and the female chores. Those woman had such strength and kindness and intelligence. They had been independent for a long time and had worked hard at kept their families healthy and the tribe functioning. They had done it all on their own – with no man to lord over them and tell them what to do. I wondered how much they would relish returning to the way things were before. I doubt that they would be as enthusiastic about the prospect as some of the menfolk appeared to be.

If I had to pick one particular thing that officially set me off, I would have to say the wine. It was the wine that finally pushed me over the edge. It is customary in my tribe for a woman to pour the drinks for the menfolk. When the wine ran out, the menfolk all looked at me expectantly. Even thought there were servants bustling around the table who they could have easily asked to pour them another glass and even though I was still in the middle of eating and it would be a hassle for me to get up and serve them, they still expected me to do it. Because that was what was expected of a girl. A few of them pointed out that they had empty glasses.

And that was **it** for me, I am afraid.

Jeong Jeong is right. We all have our battles to face – and we must face them head on. This was mine. The wine was my invisible line in the sand. I decided right then that I didn't give a bollocks if I put noses out of joint or stepped on a few toes or offended people. I had something to say and they were all gathered here now and **by Tui and La I would make them hear me.**

I stood up abruptly and said that they might have empty glasses, but they also had **two hands** and **working legs** and could **bloody well get their own wines for themselves**. They were grown men and expecting me to wait on them was downright appalling. I would not get them wine on any day of the bloody year until I was treated with more respect!

I said this in a stern, loud and bossy voice. It was a good speaking voice. The conversations around the table had all abruptly stopped with my outburst. They had all their eyes focused on me. Some of their mouths were hanging open – gaping like fish at me. Nobody spoke for a second and I thought that now would be as good a time as any to say what I wanted to say. Now that I had started, I may as well finish speaking my mind.

I launched right in and told them all that the way they treated me and the way that they treated all women **had to change.** It was shameful and I was ashamed of them. Women were not inferior to them. Women did not have to defer to them and, _by all the spirits,_ women did not owe them anything just because they were men. They could not just expect a woman to wait on them hand and foot. And if they did expect that going home – I thought that they were all in for a nasty shock.

We women had not been created just to serve them. We were equal in skills and intelligence. I pointed out something that they had all forgotten or ignored. I was a master waterbender. I was capable of beating them all with one hand tied behind my back. I deserved their respect. I deserved to be treated like an equal and it wasn't fair to treat me like I was a maid or a servant. All women deserved to be treated as equals. Their wives, daughter, sisters and their mothers, they all deserve** better** from the menfolk.

The menfolk tried to make themselves feel **big **and **manly** by making the women around them feel _small _and that had to stop. I thought that the menfolk were all capable of being better men. I said that when they got home, I was sure that they would be more than capable of being good to their wives and being good to all the women in the tribe. It might be a bit different at first, treating women as equals – but it would be good different. It was necessary. Our tribe had to change! The time of change was now. I was sure that we could change for the better – were they with me!

There was an awkward silence.

I swear, I could hear crickets.

The menfolk were all **staring **at me. I felt like I had that day on the prison barge, when I encouraged the earthbenders to fight for themselves and was only met with blank stares, and disillusioned silence. I had felt so disheartened before Haru threw that rock. I guess I thought that when I finally confronted my tribe about their behavior towards women, they would instant be able to see the error of their ways and promise to do better in the future. I hadn't been expecting thunderous applause, but I was expecting some sort of a reaction at least.

Aang, bless his bald head, took one look at my tribe and then gave me a big clap and said that he thought I was right and **girls were awesome.** But no one joined him in clapping. Aang made to stand up on his chair and join me, but I saw Sokka grab his elbow gently and say softly _this is water-tribe business buddy._

The warriors all looked at my Dad and my Dad felt a bit put on the spot. He was blushing, which was something I rarely see my Dad do. Some response from my Dad was necessary. He looked a bit lost. Perhaps Suki was right and I should have just sat my Dad down and talked to him about it and given him a heads-up about my various strong feelings on the matter. But what's done is done and at least everybody knows how I feel now.

Eventually my Dad said that it was _a very big change I was asking for_. Then Kuba piped up in agreement and said yeah! Women couldn't row the long boats and until they could, their place had to be in the home. That system had worked for us for** hundreds of years, **why did it have to change now – just because I had spent a bit of time with the kyoshi warriors and some firenation slut and had gotten **ideas.** My Dad demurred _that wasn't what he meant_, but there was a great deal of murmured agreement with what Kuba had said.

Hasa piped up and said that I was saying that they had all been treating women badly, but he didn't treat his wife badly, and he didn't think the other warriors did either.(All the warriors puffed themselves up a bit at this). Hassan continued. He said that he just expected her to do her chores. But that wasn't mean, _that was what women did!_ (He said this with a great deal of confusion, as if the idea that his wife might like to so something else with her time aside from fix his smelly socks had never occurred to him.) He said that he didn't ever try to make the women in his life feel small, he wasn't like that. He was just a man and they were women and that was the way things were. If I had a problem with the way things were in our tribe then **I should move to Kyoshi.**

My Dad instantly stood up and said _hey now, do not speak to my daughter like that! _And Sokka said _don't you all start on Kyoshi! _But it was a fraction too late; I had lost their attention, and this discussion for tonight. There was louder murmured agreement with Hasa. I heard one of them mutter that I must be on my period/drunk. Aang tried to call for everyone to calm down and listen to me, but he went ignored. I could see in the eyes of the menfolk that they just saw this latest speech was just more of me being _unreasonable _and _over-emotional _again.

I stood, frozen, for one second longer. I felt sour pliers squeeze a lemon in the back of my throat. I would not cry in front of the menfolk. If I did that - then they really would dismiss everything I had said as just over-emotional drunk talk. But I couldn't stand their patronizing, confused and slightly hostile gaze a second longer. I made an indecipherable, frustrated noise, stamped my foot and stormed off.

-O-

I fled. I ran. I was so upset. My speech hadn't gone at all how I planned and I now I felt angry and humiliated and just so cross at them all. _I should just move to Kyoshi!_ Pah! **They should just shove it up their arses!** I ran to the fountain in the garden and just felt big fat tears run down my cheeks. My Dad had gotten up and followed me. He'd been calling my name, and telling me to wait up - but I hadn't heard him.

He caught up with me by the fountain. He gasped when I turned around and he saw my splotchy cry face. He fished in his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to me. Then he gave me a hug and smoothed my hair like he used to when I was a little girl and said all the various comforting things. When I had calmed down a little, he asked me what was going on with me. What was all that in the house? Dad said he was trying to understand where I was coming from – because he _never knew_ I felt that way. Well, he knew I had been a bit unhappy about somethings, but he never knew I felt strongly enough to stand on my chair and give over-emotional speeches. Where was this coming from?

I looked at him incredulous for a second and then said _Where do you think dad_? I outlined all the ways that I had been made to feel small and irrelevant in the watertribe. Ever since the menfolk got released they alternatively patronized me or treated me like I was their servant and it was infuriating. I wanted to been seen as equal with the male warriors – because I was a warrior too. Dad said that I should have just said that then. If I just wanted to been seen as a warrior – then that is what I should have said.

I pulled away from him and out of hug and said that wasn't all I wanted at all. Hadn't he even been listening? This wasn't just about me – it was about all women in the Southern Water Tribe. I wasn't asking for anything ridiculous. I only wanted women to be on more equal footing with the men. Like they were here…or in Kyoshi. In Kyoshi and in the firenation things were different.

Dad huffed and said that we hardly wanted to be like the firenation now. He said that he was just a little confused. This whole _women are equal thing_ had come from **nowhere **as far as he was concerned. He said that in the house it sounded like I was saying that all the menfolk were horrible to women. Dad didn't think that was fair. I hadn't been saying that at all. I got stroppy and started saying that my dad hadn't been listening to me at all. But he interrupted and said that it was time that I listened to him.

He said that he'd been a good Dad to me. He'd always treated me and Sokka well. He'd never favoured Sokka over me. He'd always listened to me and didn't that count for something? He'd not treated me and Sokka that differently – sure he'd taught Sokka how to throw a boomerang and not me, but I hadn't been interested then (I had actually been interested – but I'd had too many chores that day, but that was such an old disappointment to get into at a time like this). He said that he'd done his best to provide for me and look after me and he'd never once raised his hands at me or Sokka or Mum. It was all true. Really, he was a good dad. But he just did not get it.

It wasn't about whether he was a good dad or not. It was much bigger than the two of us. If he kept going on about how he was the best dad in the world, I was going to whack him with the first stick that came to hand. He had completely missed the point. I interrupted him and asked if he was saying that he was perfect then? Was he the bloody perfect man – and should I just be grateful and get down on my knees and thank the spirits that I had a dad like him. I said all this sarcastically and my Dad looked confused. So I tried to explain better.

I said _Oh, so you never smacked me and Sokka about, you listened to me sometimes, and you gave me an even break – __**That is how it should be dad!**_ It was that obvious! It was that simple. My Dad spoke like the fact that he treated me well made him exemplary – when really, in a better world, it just would have made him typical. Everyone should be treated well.

Dad should not go on about the fact that he never hit me or mum made him better than the other guys – because no guy should do that! Women should feel listened to, valued and respected. Women shouldn't be hit. I shouldn't have to feel like I am lucky– _because everyone should be so lucky._ I explained this to dad and said_** that is how it bloody well should be! **_a few more times. And if my dad just thought about that for one second, he would see that I was right. But I didn't give him a second. I took one look at his taken-aback face and ran off again. He didn't follow me this time.

-?-

I stormed all the way back to the villa – fighting back more ugly crying on the way. Zuko was sitting at the little table on the veranda, and he looked up with some alarm when I stomped up with my angry footsteps. His face softened for a fraction of a second when he realized it was me – but then he saw my face and his expression switched back to alarm again. He stood up quickly and asked me _what happened?_ with a great deal of concern. I wailed that** I didn't want to talk about it! **Then I flopped in the chair next to him.

He scooted his chair closer and asked, in a soft voice, _is there anything I can do to help?_ I said _no_, unhappily and grumpily. He couldn't really. This was a water tribe issue – Sokka had known that the menfolk would not have enjoyed or reacted well to Aang's input, and I think they would have been even less enthusiastic about Zuko's input. We southerners do not take kindly to strangers (ie anyone from outside the tribe) telling us what to do.

Zuko asked if there was anything he could do to cheer me up now? He then listed some cheer up options for me. Would I like some hot noodles? Hot noodles are always calming. Ooh how about sparring? We haven't let off steam in ages and beating him always used to cheer me up. I declined both of these offers. Zuko then said how about a cup of tea? Or …a hug? Zuko is not normally the one who initiates our hugs, so he said _hug_ a little nervously.

These were much more sensible cheer-up options, so I said yes to them. He wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled into him. Zuko hugs always make me feel a little better. He asked me if I was sure I didn't want to talk about it. I said _not yet._ I was still too upset to be coherent about it.

I said I really didn't want to talk about it right now and we should talk about something else. I tried to change the subject and asked _what was he up to – sitting out here so late?_ I looked at him closer in the lantern light and then asked _why did he had ink on his face? _He had a big smear right on his cheek. I pointed it out to him.

Zuko wiped his face quickly and said that he had been writing _his stupid coronation speech_ by way of explanation. He had scrunched up a few drafts before the ink was dry and gotten ink on his hands. He must have smeared some of that on his face during one of the _many points_ he put his head in his hands in frustration. I raised a questioning eyebrow. Zuko said that I didn't need to make that face and writing speeches was really hard – especially out here. Why was he out here anyway – why not write in the office. It was custom designed for speech writing. Zuko shrugged and said that balcony seemed like the best place to avoid _the annoying twins._

Lenka came out at this point with tea and ginger snaps, which are delicious. I think they might even be my favourite firenation baked good – because they are not ridiculously spicy like everything else – they just have a pleasant ginger zest.

I asked who the annoying twins were, but I had a feeling I already knew. Toph and Iroh. Apparently they had been talking with their _stupid, secret code_ all night. And had now, successfully driven Zuko **bonkers, **with their _stupid, secret code_ and their _stupid, secret gossip._ Zuko was **sure** that they were talking about him. Because they would look at him, then make gestures to each other and then laugh. Both of them were _most coy_ when he pointed this out. They said that they were merely 'practicing' their _stupid, secret code_ for later. Toph then told Zuko that he is being _paranoid_ and _not everything is about him_. But then she turned to uncle and tapped her nose and scratched her ear and Uncle chuckled and said _no, he's always been like that. _Then Zuko had declared that they were both impossible and he was going to do very busy and important things like, write speeches and shit. And he had stormed out because there is only so much frustration he can take in a day and he'd already had the most frustrating afternoon ever.

He turned to me suddenly and asked if Aang had found me. Which was an abrupt change of subject from the annoying twins. I said he had and Zuko looked relieved. He said that Aang had been a bit upset this afternoon and he and Toph and Iroh had all been **really crap** at comforting him and so Zuko had suggested that he find me instead. He then got a look of worry on his face and asked if I was upset about Aang? Had we had another fight again? I said no, Aang had been fine. (It was actually very sweet of Aang to try and stick up for me – bless his cotton socks.)

I told Zuko that Aang had told me all about his fight with Jeong Jeong. Zuko made a frustrated noise and ran his hands through his hair and said something like _friggin Jeong Jeong._ Zuko had a small Jeong Jeong related rant. He bemoaned that the whole situation was impossible. How was he expected to reign over a nation of feisty people when he couldn't even sort out an agreeable solution to the problem of teaching Aang – which was something he _actually knew_ about. But Jeong Jeong was so unreasonable. Jeong Jeong making Aang feel dreadful about himself wasn't helping with anything.

Jeong Jeong reminded Zuko of some of his firebending instructors when he was a kid – just unrelentingly harsh and demanding. And that had been okay for Zuko, but Aang _just did not learn_ that way. Zuko had tried, but Aang never responded well to that sort of teaching. So Zuko had tried a different approach. But Jeong Jeong couldn't adapt or see any point of view other than his own.

But the absolute worst thing about Jeong Jeong was that **he actually had a point.** This is his _most irritating_ quality apparently. If Jeong Jeong was just talking out of his arse, then Zuko could dismiss what he was saying. But he was right and he had years of firebending experience to prove it. Aang could be so airy-fairy and wiffly-waffly, and Zuko wasn't saying that was a bad thing. But when it came to firebending, Aang attitude was the biggest thing holding him back. Aang just needed more gumption and to be less afraid of confrontation and Zuko didn't know how to teach that. Zuko didn't even know if you could teach that.

I wasn't sure either.

I asked if Aang had to enjoy confrontation to be a good firebender? Zuko said that he didn't have to enjoy it, but he had to at least _be capable_ of it. Aang wanted to be everyone's friend to an incredible degree and he avoided confrontation at all costs. You really had to piss Aang off before he would get stroppy about something.

I agreed with this, but I had always thought that Aang's desire to like everyone and think well of everyone and be everyone's friend was one of his finer qualities. Surely his peaceful personality would be good in the long run – as the Avatar he was meant to ensure peace after all. Zuko agreed in principle, but said that as the Avatar – Aang was eventually going to have to make some hard decisions. Decisions that not everyone was going to like – so he couldn't be everyone's friend all the time. Aang had to be okay with the idea of upsetting people and having people not love him- for the greater good – because there was no way to please everybody all the time. Especially now, when peace agreements were being worked out. More gumption would help Aang be a better firebender and a better Avatar as far as Zuko was concerned.

I asked if Zuko thought Jeong Jeong would come back and teach Aang. Zuko said wasn't sure. His Uncle was going to try talk to him tomorrow – but he hadn't seemed very optimistic. Zuko said that his Uncle had floated the idea of taking over as Aang's firebending teacher, if Jeong Jeong refused, at dinner. It would be hard at the moment, because his Uncle didn't have a lot of free time. But perhaps it would be better after the coronation and peace agreement. His Uncle didn't want to make Jeong Jeong feel **forced** into teaching Aang, because that would exacerbate their problems. They already had such clashing personalities and Jeong Jeong was quite adamant about not teaching Aang until he had officially mastered Earth and Water.

Toph had volunteered that she could resume teaching Aang earthbending – and locations had been discussed and his Uncle had actually seemed _quietly excited_ about the idea of teaching Aang. Zuko actually thought that his Uncle taking over would be for the best. Uncle was a good teacher, and Zuko learned far more from his Uncle than he had from all his firebending instructors in the firenation. Zuko gave me the heads up that Uncle might want to talk to me about how I found Aang as a student later and if I could find time to resume water bending training.

I said I was ready. I could even take him for a lesson tomorrow if that suited everyone. Aang had been feeling out of sorts tonight and I am always good at improving his mood and boosting his spirits. Teaching Aang, being of use and _just bending forcefully_ again would definitely cheer me up. I hadn't done that much combative waterbending since the comet – but maybe tomorrow I could run Aang through all the really hard forms that he could do. We'd practice til we were exhausted and then we'd both feel better.

Zuko said sounded like a good idea. He asked if I thought we should go over and collect Aang from the water tribe house. It was getting late for him and he should be in bed – and if we went to get him, I could tell him about his lesson tomorrow. I went rigid at the suggestion of going back to the water tribe house tonight. I said very quickly and abruptly that I didn't want to go back there. Zuko could go and get Aang if he wanted, but I was fine where I was.

A look of confusion and then dawning comprehension when over Zuko's face. He sighed and looked towards the house and asked me again _what happened tonight?_ I was silence for only two seconds. I was actually debating whether to tell him. I normally tell Zuko everything, but I hadn't been able to earlier because I had just been too upset to articulate it. I didn't really want to get into again or think about it again tonight because it would make me sad and furious all over again. I was starting to feel better after sitting out here and chatting. I didn't want to bring the mood down. Zuko sighed and said that _he wasn't going to pry_ and I didn't _have_ to tell him or anything, not if I didn't want to. But if I wanted to, I could. _I could tell him anything._

I told him.

How could I not?

I told him about how terrible the menfolk had been during dinner, about how I had finally snapped! Over pouring wine of all things. How I had given a good and sensible speech and I had really poured my heart into it and told them what I had been thinking about their sexist attitude – and how they had reacted with derision and thinly veiled antagonism. How they said that if I didn't like how things were done in the tribe – I should just move to Kyoshi. Zuko inhaled sharply then and put his arm around me again. He said he was _so sorry that had happened _and _that's awful _etc. I said that hadn't been the most awful part of the night.

No the worst part was the fight with my Dad. I love my Dad. I hate fighting with him. Dad had followed me and had tried to make it better – He meant so well, but he just did not understand at all and it was so frustrating. I had failed to change any of the menfolk's minds. I had only made them cross and made them think I was over-emotional again.

Women's equality was so important and I had failed to make them see that. I felt like I had let all those women back home down. I had let Suki down. I had let myself down. I just wished that I knew it hadn't all been in vain. I wanted to know that I had at least gotten through to **one **of them. Then I could feel like there was some hope for my tribe. Zuko suddenly smiled and said that I might get my wish after all. I was confused. He pointed over my shoulder and said _look around._

It was my Dad.

Dad was coming up the path with an apologetic look on his face. When he came up just under the balcony he asked if he could talk to me…alone. Then he gave Zuko a pointed look. I wanted to point out that this was Zuko's house and he didn't have to leave – but Zuko took one look at my Dad's face and got a bit awkward and said _yes Sir Hakoda._ My dad raised an eyebrow at being called _Sir Hakoda_ again. Zuko demurred something about how he was going to go collect Aang now. He got up and gave me a smile and small wave and walked off towards the Watertribe-house.

-o-

Dad sat next to me and there was a long pause. I wasn't going to help him start this conversation after our fight earlier. Eventually he said that firstly he wanted to say that he was sorry. Sorry for not listening to me properly and not noticing me and how I was being treated by the menfolk. He'd thought a lot about what I had said and he wanted to tell me that he thought that I was right. He said that I was so right about everything, about how being treated well and respected should not be a privilege. Dad said that he was sorry he'd been such a daft fool. Then I felt the big tears that I had been holding back earlier coming pouring out my eyes and down my face. I was being overemotional right then. But they were happy tears this time. We hugged for the second time this night but it was a much better hug because we were finally on the same page.

Dad held me close and said that he wanted to make it up to me. He was on my side, and he was going to try talk to the menfolk tomorrow. But what I was asking for was a _big change_ and change might take time. I felt a bit sad because that had been a bit similar to the first thing he had said after my speech at dinner. I looked down and wiped my eyes and sniffled a bit. He lifted my chin and smiled at me and tried to explain further. He said that the menfolk were a bunch of old polar dogs, they were a bit set in their ways. Change would take time. Could I give him some time? I nodded and said I could. My Dad had really_ heard_ me. My Dad was on my side. I hadn't realized how much I had ached to hear him say that, say that he understood – until he did.

-o-o-o-

* * *

Lovely wonderful readers – sorry this chapter took a while. University had been hectic! But here is chapter two. Thank you for reading and I hope you have enjoyed it! in this chapter there were two big confrontations that both had to happen, in my opinion – but naturally YMMV. One was Katara's first attempt to make the menfolk see things her way about gender equality. I know some of you might be disappointed with how that turned out – but considering how long it took for women to been seen as equals, I didn't think it felt right to have Katara give a speech and then magically fix all the gendered problems in the water tribe. One speech from one girl is not going to change the deeply patriarchal tribal structure. I also addressed Aang and Jeong Jeong's relationship, their clashing personalities and Aang's tendency to run away from his problems. And how I saw that all working out for them.

So Jeong Jeong was pretty much forced into teaching Aang against his better judgment in _the deserter _by avatar Roku. I always thought that was **unfair **and Jeong Jeong had a good point. Aang wasn't ready and hadn't mastered Earth or Water at that point – two things that obviously did help him in learning firebending, because he did have a better time learning under Zuko. Some of that can be attributed to Zuko's teaching styles and some of that is just the fact that Aang knows more about bending other elements by that point.

I do not think that Aang's recent behavior would have caused any change in Jeong Jeong's initial assessment of him. Jeong Jeong considers Aang flighty, entitled, irresponsible and inclined to shirk his duties. When Jeong Jeong first meets the rest of the Gaang it is because Aang has run off right before the final battle. Aang had still not mastered the other elements but is probably feeling quite pleased with his bending prowess – because he did beat the firelord and everything – and is probably acting a little entitled to learning fire.

I think that Zuko knows he is not going to have time to teach Aang and he knows how much Aang still needs to learn to be a master firebender. He would have told his Uncle and his Uncle would have asked Jeong Jeong politely, to resume Aang's training. Uncle is friends with Jeong Jeong, he would have asked it as a favour – because he and Zuko are too time poor and Jeong Jeong has a pre-established master-pupil relationship with Aang. Jeong Jeong would have agreed as a favour to Iroh – but he has been unimpressed with Aang.

He has resolved to no longer teach Aang because he still feels the way he did when Aang first came to him. Aang is simply not ready for what Jeong Jeong wants to teach him. Iroh will talk to him, but he is not going to force him into doing it. (unlike Avatar Roku – who pretty much said _Do it or I'll smack you from beyond the grave)_

See I wanted everyone to have a point in this argument – because most of the arguments that are going to arise in the post-war period are going to be complicated. There is not going to be a clear right or wrong answer. There are no absolute "good guys" and "bad guys" anymore. In many ways winning the war was easier – because they knew exactly who their enemy was and exactly what they should do. but everything is in a state of flux in the post-war period and there will be a lot of shades of grey and typically Aang is not good at dealing with shades of grey.

Aang is right in that it is unfair for Jeong Jeong to treat him patronizingly and like he is an idiot – and then to surprise him and blast the strongest fire at him. That is not good teaching. It would be hard for Aang to focus on the less glamorous/boring side of firebending after doing all the cool stuff with Zuko – and Jeong Jeong is not making any allowances for this. Also Aang and Jeong Jeong are both such opposites. I think that Aang would be willing to try harder for someone who was also willing to meet him halfway and try to teach to his learning styles.

In some ways, I think that Aang's easy going personality and his desire to please and make peace with everyone is his greatest asset. It will make him the best Avatar for the world right now – because he genuinely wants to please everyone and have everyone get along and he really does practice what he preaches for the most part. Not to go all Gandhi on you guys – but he is right. **You cannot fight hate with hate. You can only fight hate with love.** There will be a lot of hate and bitterness and resentment in the postwar period – but Aang is so full of love, when really he has all the justification in the world to be hate-filled and resentful. Aang's loving and peaceful attitude will be extremely useful in helping the nations make peace.

However (and there always is a however) – Aang just needs more backbone. Bless his cotton socks – hi_s- I want to love everyone and have them love me – _thing he's got going on will absolutely bring him unstuck. As the Avatar, Aang cannot please everyone all the time. Trying to please everyone is going to be disastrous for him. Aang is going to have to stick to his guns on some things and be okay with people disagreeing with him and even disliking him when he does. Because the reality is that people are going to disagree with and/or dislike Aang. From what we've seen in canon – Aang does not deal very well with that.

Think about the shenanigans in the_ Avatar day _episode. That was all because Aang** couldn't stand** the thought that one small village in the earth kingdom did not like him. He was desperate to make them like him – desperate enough to go to prison and stuff their mock trial – when most other people would have moved on and said _BFD – I have bigger things to deal with._ Sokka even pointed out that they should not bother with one village not liking Aang when they had to worry about the whole firenation who hated him.

So I can see how Aang might need to curb his pleaser tendencies. Aang also just needs a bit more gumption and backbone. I don't want him to change drastically, but I want him to understand that it is okay to have people disagree with him. Aang always tries to force his wisdom on people when they don't agree with him and this is something that he will have to let go. There is a time and a place for his wisdom – but there is also a time and a place for agreeing to disagree. I've written a lot about Aang and his troubled relationship with his duties/responsibilities and that is a factor here as well.

Anyway I do think that Aang will develop more gumption and more diplomacy given time, and the right instruction/teaching. This is why I have Iroh volunteer to be the next firebending teacher (Oh, just you guys wait!) Bottom line is that **Aang is twelve** and he still has a bit of growing to do before he is a fully realized Avatar. All that _beautiful growth_ that I wanted for him in the series – I plan to have him experience here.

Aang is only young yet. I do think that though Jeong Jeong had a point – he was WAY too harsh on the kid. (but harsh-on-Aang is Jeong Jeong's style). Zuko immediately recognizes this and defends Aang to Jeong Jeong. This is the first of many times that Zuko will clearly take Aang's side (and he will have to do this a lot in the future because Aang is not all that popular in the FN). I do not think that Zuko/Aang's friendship is a friendship of equals – but this is just my opinion and YMMV. I think that is a bit more paternalistic or older brotherly on Zuko's part.

Aang rebels against Zuko like he is the hard-arse disciplining Dad (which he was a bit, when he was being the team-dad back on ember island). But whenever Aang has something he doesn't want to deal with, he gets Zuko to deal with it for him eg. In this chapter – he runs to Zuko as soon and Jeong Jeong is getting too much for him to deal with and Zuko rises to the occasion and sticks up for him. Also Ozai's current situation/fate is something that has been clearly marked off in Aang's head as 'Zuko's job'. Zuko himself, acts to protect Aang from knowledge that he knows will upset him. He's taken a leaf out of Katara's book here unconsciously, and in some ways her maternal and protective attitude towards Aang has bled into how Zuko views Aang too.

I think that Zuko could clearly see Jeong Jeong's point, because he knows that Aang needs to learn more breathing and control. He would have tried to explain this to Aang as nicely as he could. But as soon and Jeong Jeong's in the room – Zuko would have been on Aang's side 100%. I think that for Zuko, it is okay for him to criticize Aang about being a _flaky flake from flaketown flakemania_ - because all the gang are like family. Family can tell each other hard truths and bitch about each other and fight and still love each other at the end of the day. As soon as someone else starts bitching about Aang's flake ways and engaging in dangerous teaching techniques that could injure the _delicate flake_– Zuko comes down on them like a sack of sand – because no one else gets to treat his friend/little brother like that. And Jeong Jeong is no exception.

I think that now Zuko is older and has gotten a bit more perspective – he would resent the way he was treated as a child a little bit. Especially by previous firebendering masters. We see in the show that Zuko is actually good at firebending – however he starts the show still learning the basics from his Uncle. I think that he was probably treated in a similar harsh manner by previous firebending instructors – and while it taught him to be strong and persevere – it would have given his confidence a **pounding** and this would have affect his bending. Believing you can do something is half the battle. I don't think that Zuko was given much encouragement to believe in his firebending abilities until his Uncle came along and took over.

I think that Zuko would see Aang been treated by Jeong Jeong the same way that he was treated by previous firebending instructors and felt immediately cross on Aang's behalf. Also Aang is still a kid and Zuko hates seeing kids mistreated – so even though he agrees with Jeong Jeong in theory - he intervenes on Aang's behalf and tells Jeong Jeong where to shove it.

Anyway this is all a long way of saying that the _"now we're friends – yeah, we are friends"_ scene, right before the coronation, in the show – always felt a little **bit off** to me. Because that is not how I see their relationship. But if this scene did encapsulate how I see their relationship it would look like this:

Aang: _now you're like my older-brother/dad-figure because you are someone who is really demanding of me and stern with me and in-my-face a lot, but deep down you're a big softie and I know you love me…and will always be willing to beat up people who are mean to me for me – and you will need to because I am a confrontation avoider. _

_Zuko: Yeah, we are like some weird squashed family unit, and you have become like a brother/son figure to me too and even though you drive me bonkers half the time, you are a sweet little kid and I will do my best to protect you from the shit-storm that I just __**know **__is heading your way, because post war reconstruction is going to be a bitch ….so let's hug it out_"

Doesn't have quite the same ring to it as "friends" but I think it is more accurate – your thoughts?

As much as Zuko fulfils the team-Dad role for Aang- I think that Katara is just as clearly the Aang was upset after Jeong Jeong declared that he would no longer teach him, the others would have fairly quickly said something along the lines of "why don't you go find Katara and tell her your tale of woe".

Zuko and Iroh both have a bit of the **blunt honesty gene.** Remember in the _waterbending scroll_ when Katara said "oh this is all my fault." Aang was very quick to deflect blame from Katara, but Iroh was equally quick to point out that _actually_ it was all her fault. Comforting is not Toph's strong point either – she specializes in **tough love** ( or toph-love… geddit). When Aang gets a bit teary, it would have been _very quickly_ suggested that he go talk to Katara and splash around with the water tribe until he feels better.

Katara is good at cheering Aang up – but she very quickly needs cheering up herself in this chapter. Katara finally tells the water tribe where they can shove their sexist attitude and it goes down like a lead balloon. As frustrating and the menfolk's attitude is, it is so ingrained that it just cannot be wished away. Katara and her struggle to make the water-tribes more gender equal will be a re-occurring theme in this fic. I also felt that it didn't do the issue justice to have just one speech from Katara fix it all. She got through to her dad (and some other members who will come out of the woodwork next chapter) and that is a good result from one speech. Now that her dad is on her side, somethings will be easier. Progress will happen, but it is a slow thing.

The menfolk react to Katara's speech with thinly-veiled resentment and incomprehension. Some of them really cannot see how their attitude would negatively affect the women in their lives and would not be able to see it from a woman's point of view. I do not think it is uncommon for people to react defensively/angrily when someone points out that they are in the wrong.

The water tribes are a deeply patriarchal society. Women have their place and they shouldn't leave it. Katara's speech would have come across as a bit aggressive/progressive. Katara is talking _generally _about how the attitude to women must change, but the menfolk feel like they are being attached _personally._ I find that men generally get a bit uncomfortable when women's/feminist issues are raised and male privilege is pointed out a because they feel like they are being attached somehow by proxy.

Often guys get defensive when male privilege is pointed out to them and there will be the self justifying 'well I would never do x,y,z so why does this affect me.' Hasa and to a certain extent Haokda's reaction to Katara's speech was meant to mimic this. _They _are certainly not horrible to women, _they _would never hurt a woman so_ they_ do not have to change. What Katara is saying challenges some of their deeper held, paternalistic warrior/masculine culture beliefs – and when people feel like their beliefs are being challenged – the initial reaction is to lash out at the challenger.

Katara's speeches aren't meant to encapsulate women's issues by any means, and were primarily focused on the necessity of treating women as equals. There are more gender issues to play with later in the fic, but for now just getting the menfolk to accept the possibility of women being equal is a crucial first step. Katara's **how it should be** rant to her Dad was inspired by Rita's speech to her husband in _Made in Dagenham_ which is a lovely movie about the equal pay act in England. Having her Dad on her side will make the struggle for equal rights easier. In Australia at least and I think globally too, a man standing up for women's rights still has more resonance than a woman standing up for her own (sadly, we see this everywhere).

Aang is also on Katara's side. He has stayed at the water tribe house after Katara stormed off and tried to 'fix' the situation. He would have tried to talk to the menfolk about women's rights – but that is not really Ang's strong point (raised by all male monks after all). He wants to help out and he doesn't like seeing Katara upset. So he would have tried to talk to them. The menfolk, while they like Aang as a kid and respect Aang as the avatar – they do not respect what he has to say on how he thinks they should run their tribe. This would be the first time Aang sees the bad side of the menfolk. He would have tried playing the "I'm the Avatar" card, but that wouldn't have cut much ice with the menfolk or helped his/Katara's cause much. I think that the watertribes are, by nature, a bit insular and isolationist. They do not like outsiders telling them how things should be done in their tribe. Sokka would had defused the situation and taken Aang aside and tried to explain some southern water tribe basics to him.

So Zuko and Katara both had bad days here – but they are both able to cheer each other up. For Zuko, the fact that he could not come to an amicable agreement with Jeong Jeong about teaching Aang will be very frustrating. He is worrying about how his negotiating skills (getting shouty and ranting at the other person) will affect him as firelord. Katara listens to him and validates his opinion. They have a slight disagreement about Aang's attitude, but it is a pleasant one. The fact that they can disagree pleasantly will be heartening for him. For Katara, just having Zuko listen to her and be completely on her side would be a good thing. Zuko doesn't force the conversation and he doesn't try to fix things for her. (perhaps knowing that this is not a problem he can solve for her and also him trying to 'fix' things would have had patronising overtones.) Katara can let loose around Zuko and be really-pissed-off-and-angry-Katara and knows that he won't judge her/think less of her for this side of herself. Just being able to let off some of those feelings to a captive audience and feeling like she is being heard and what she says matters will help.

Hakoda interrupts them. Though this is the second time today that he has found them thick-as-theives together, he won't comment on it. He has said what he had to say in the last chapter of NSZ. Also Zuko will always call Hakoda _Sir Hakoda_ when Hakoda gives him the stink eye. Toph and Iroh, on the other hand, are both shippers on deck. Bless their cottonsocks. Toph and Iroh had a little bet going. They came back and found that Zuko and Katara had absconded together. Iroh would have got a bit_ excited_ and assumed it was **a date** and his nephew had finally asked Katara out. He was planning the wedding in his head. Toph would have said _there's no way that is happening because both of them are such awkward dorks. I bet they've gone off for some other reason etc_. They made a bet. Iroh lost.

Next chapter there will be preparations for the coronation. Katara will ask Dr Yang a question. And** you-know-who **will return! Oh noes!

Til then my lovelies!


	3. People can surprise you

0o0o0o0o0o0

People can surprise you

0o0o0o0o0o0

This morning Toph and I both ran Aang through some bending forms while Iroh watched. He had told Aang over breakfast that he would be taking over as Aang's firebending teacher and Aang had been rather pleased with this. Well, he said _Yippee _and raced around on his scooter a bit – and Iroh had been most amused. Iroh had even turned to Zuko and made a wry comment about how Zuko had never shown Aang's level of enthusiasm for his teaching. Iroh had warned Aang that his lessons would be irregular for the next little while, but assured him that he would do his best to 'make time' to teach him and he had in fact made some time this morning.

Zuko had to stay and work on his coronation speech (which has become colloquially known as the **speech of doom **– as he is dreading it to an extraordinary level). Sokka also declined joining us. He wanted to go check of the airship's progress and do science-y things. Zuko asked if Sokka thought he could invent a speech writing machine – but that is beyond Sokka's powers.

After breakfast, Iroh had taken us to a place called the Azira Gardens near the Palace. He thought it would be the best place to practice different forms of bending. It was private. There were plenty of ponds and small streams and as well as a large variety of different rocks and terrains that imitated different environments. Iroh had to dig around in the Palace vaults last night to get the keys for the place. It apparently hasn't been opened in years. He seemed oddly wistful when the lock clicked open.

Iroh thought it would be a good idea if he could see where Aang was at in terms of his other bendings, before he started to teach him fire. He wanted Toph and I to demonstrate both our teaching methods and how far Aang has progressed. I went first and it was great to be bending fiercely again. I started with a few easy forms – to help Aang warm up. We haven't done this in ages after all. Slowly I made the forms harder, until I got up to the forms around Aang's level. I encouraged him to try a little harder and extend himself – until we reached the limits of his abilities.

Toph took over after me and she took to her normally (and terrifying) teaching method with gusto. She blindfolded Aang and threw boulders at him and he had to "feel" them coming and stop them. She was scant with her praise and abrupt with her insults. As always, she was very demanding. At the end of their session she told Aang that he had been too lazy since the war had ended and had lost some conditioning.

We all reconvened and Iroh pulled a little teapot out of this bag he had brought with him. I bended some water into it and he made us all a cup each. We had a chat. Iroh asked Toph and I about where we thought Aang was at in our bendings. Toph was rather blunt and said that she wasn't going to lie - Aang still had a long way to go with earthbending. Aang gave her the reproachful look he always gives her when she goes on about how crap his earth bending is right in front of him.

I tried to be a bit more encouraging. If I had to come up with an official level from the structure that Pakku used, I would say that I think Aang is probably at Orca level – which is very good. It is only three levels below being a master. Iroh was a bit confused, so I explained that Pakku made up the system as a way of streaming his classes and in an uncharacteristic act of whimsy – he named all the levels after polar creatures, rather than just numbers. Aang has a great deal of raw talent, but he has been at Orca level for a while. Iroh nodded.

At Orca Level, the forms get much more technically complex and violent. To do them properly requires a great deal of practice and study. During our time at the north, I had devoted all my time to learning bending and I had rapidly gone through the levels, but Aang had reached octopus level with Pakku and stayed there for a long time. He had made it to octopus level on raw talent alone – but after that he had needed to study. It was only through constant practice with me after we left the north that he had reached Orca level.

Aang turned to Iroh and asked what sort of firebending Iroh was going to teach him this morning. Iroh looked thoughtful and then said that both Zuko and Jeong Jeong thought that Aang needed to work on his breathing excerises – so they would do a very quick one now. Aang sighed deeply when Iroh said _breathing exercises_ – but agreed. He asked what he had to do for this exercise and Iroh told him he had to answer one question. _How long does it take for tea to be shipped from the Earth Kingdom to here? _Aang looked momentarily panicked because he thought that he was being asked a maths question. Aang and Mathematics are not friends. Aang started saying that he didn't know and how fast was the ship travelling? He'd need to know how fast the ship was travelling and how far it had to go before he could work it out. Iroh waved off his maths-induced-panic and said the answer was much simpler. It was _Oolong time…Get it?_

It was such a lame pun, but I couldn't help but chuckle. Toph laughed next to me. Aang looked confused for a fraction of a second and then he burst out into giggles – when he too, got the joke. Aang laughed a bit longer than us. Iroh smiled at him indulgently and said he was glad that Aang liked his joke. Iroh explained that laughter exercised all the muscles needed for good strong breath control. Because there lessons would be irregular for the next little while, Iroh had homework for Aang to do between his lessons. Firstly, he wanted Aang to practice the basic firebending meditation that he _knew _Zuko taught him. He gave Aang a slightly warning look here. Secondly, Aang was to find a joke – preferably about tea, but Iroh did enjoy jokes about all subjects. Iroh wanted Aang to find a joke that made him laugh till his sides hurt, till he was worried he would rupture something – and then they would go from there.

Aang looked at Iroh perplexed and asked if his homework was really just mediating and finding a joke. Iroh confirmed that that was all he required Aang to do. Aang appeared absolutely delighted with this rather light-hearted approach to firebending. He exclaimed _you're the best firebending teacher ever!_ enthusiastically. But then he seemed to recover himself somewhat and bowed and said _I mean thank you, Sifu Hotman. _Iroh chuckled at being called Sifu Hotman, but said that Aang could just call him Iroh. Aang smiled at him and bowed again. He seemed a bit eager to get to his "homework" and turned to Toph and asked if she knew any jokes. Toph gave him her trademark punch in the arm and said that she wasn't doing his homework for him.

-0-

Iroh showed us to the gate and we left for the house. He paused as he pulled the door closed and locked the garden back up again. He told us that he would get some keys made up for us – so that Toph or I could bring Aang here to practice, when we got the time. Toph smiled at him and said she had a better idea. She asked Iroh to give her the key and she took off her bracelet. She held the bracelet in one hand and the key in the other and concentrated. In no time at all she had made a perfect replica of the key. She didn't say **I'm that awesome,** but I know she thought it. Instead she said that she'd make copies up for me and Aang back at the house and sashayed off.

Toph and Aang were a little bit ahead of us. Toph had caved and was telling Aang a few of the _cleaner _jokes she'd heard around the earth rumbling ring. I asked Iroh quietly if laughter really was helpful for firebending breath control. I had a feeling it wasn't as important as Iroh had made it out to be. Iroh gave me a cheeky smile and said _nothing gets past you, does it?_ wryly.

Iroh said that laughter was important enough. He had gathered that Aang didn't feel the joy in firebending, and Iroh was striving to remedy that, first and foremost. Aang had such a heavy burden on such young shoulders – Iroh wanted to make his load a little lighter, if he could. He said this almost sadly. He added that he had all the time in the world to teach Aang now that the imminent arrival of Sozin's comet wasn't hanging over our heads. He wanted to take it slowly with Aang and teach him the basics – but in a way that made the basics fun. The he turned to me and said _besides; I truly enjoy a good joke._ I knew he did.

Iroh explained that it wasn't a completely frivolous activity. His best firebending teacher had started every lesson by telling him a joke. And he used to try to do something similar with Zuko. I asked how that had gone, with a smile. Iroh grinned back at me and said _not so good_ a little ruefully. Apparently the crewman on the ship had all seen fit to share the most ribald jokes they knew. Iroh feared that Zuko had never looked at koala-sheep the same way, after the joke that Lieutenant Jee had told him. And jokes were not Zuko's strong point anyway. He could only ever remember the punchline and always mangled the joke upon retelling it.

I said _he still does that_ in an offhand manner. Iroh looked at me in astonishment and asked when Zuko had told me jokes? I explained about how he'd tried to tell us a few of Iroh's jokes at the beach house, but he always **mangled **them. Then he'd try to fix it and he'd say the punchline. He'd say something like _it's funnier when Uncle tells it._ Iroh seemed a bit flabbergasted by the thought of Zuko telling jokes of his own volition. He shook his head a little and said mostly to himself, _sometimes people really can surprise you._

-o-

People really can surprise you. I had two surprises come to meet me back at the gates to Zuko's house. When we arrived back after training, Bato and Sorrak seemed to run up to me from nowhere. Bato asked if they could have a quick word with me. I agreed and waved the others off. I told them to go inside and I'd catch up in a sec.

I actually assumed that Bato was probably relaying some message of my father's. I wasn't sure what Sorrak was doing here. We've never really spoken. Well Sorrak doesn't really speak to anyone. He's rather quiet most of the time. He trains the snowdogs back home, and when I was a kid, he'd had some daft idea about domesticating the polar bear dogs. It hadn't worked out so well. My Dad said that he always thought that Sorrak was more comfortable around animals than he was around people. They both bowed at me and then Bato said that Sorrak had something for me. He gave Sorrak an encouraging nod.

Sorrak is even taller and bigger than Bato and he had to hunch a fair bit so he was on my eye level. He reached into his pocket and gave me a large walrutoise tooth that had been carved into a rectangular bead. It had the symbol for _warrior _on one side and_ brave_ on the other. I took it in astonishment. It was tradition in our tribe that warrior beads be given when a young man had proven themselves. They normally get made into decorations for wrist guards, but my Dad had all his warrior beads on a necklace that he wore on ceremonial occasions. I didn't understand. Why had Sorrak given it to me?

Sorrak shifted uncomfortably and said he thought I deserved it, because it was very brave of me to say what I had said last night. I looked at the bead in my hand. I wasn't sure if I deserved it. I hadn't made a boat, or killed anything, or mastered the boomerang– and that was what first beads were normally given for. I had just stood up for what I felt was right. I told Sorrak that I couldn't take it and he seemed a bit taken aback. He really wanted me to have it. I asked him why.

He looked me in the eye and said _I was raised by my mum_ as if that explained everything. I tilted my head curiously. Sorrak said that his mum had worked hard – everyday of her life- and she was stronger than ten men put together. But they'd had to be part of his Father's brother's household, after his father had died – and the way his Uncle treated his mother made his blood boil. His voice shook and his fists clenched when he said that. There was an old anger there - just simmering below the surface. He looked me in the face again and said_ what bothered me was that there was never __**any question **__that things could be different….. That life could be better….. Not for her. _ He trailed off and looked sadly off into the distance before he turned back to me and said that he thought I was right. What I had said last night was right. That was why I needed to keep the bead. Then he bowed and took his leave quite abruptly.

Bato and I looked at his retreating form in astonishment. Bato remarked _that's the longest speech_ _I've ever heard out of him _quietly. I was surprised – didn't Bato know that he was going to say that. Bato said that Sorrak had come up to him after Bato had made a _small statement_ at breakfast, and said that he had made something for me. He'd shown Bato the bead and Bato thought that Sorrak should give it to me himself and cajoled him into coming and waiting for me.

What was this _small statement _of Bato's?

Bato smiled and ruffled my hair a little bit and said that someone as smart as I was should be able to make a guess. I feigned incomprehension. Really, I just wanted to hear him say that he agreed with me. I needed to hear it. It gives me hope to hear that some of the men agree with me. Then I know that I'm not alone in thinking the way that I do, when it comes to my tribe. Bato said that he just wanted me to know that not everybody thought like Kuba and Hasa. It would be hard to convince everyone else, but he wanted me to know that he was with me – for what it was worth.

I smiled at him and gave him a hug. His good opinion did mean a great deal to me. Bato is like my uncle. It was Bato who took Sokka ice dodging and who gave me the mark of the brave, after all. He was so much a part of our family and I was so glad he was on my side. I felt so much better knowing that the three men who meant to most to me from my tribe (My Dad, Sokka and Bato) agreed with me.

-o-

When I found the others, they were all sprawled out in the living room… except for Iroh, who was off organizing things – like he does, and Zuko, who was stressing out – like he does. He was sitting at the tea table, which had been strewn with writing utensils, and was surrounded by a veritable snowfall of crumpled up bits of paper – some had obviously been torn up in frustration. I asked him how it was going. Apparently the **speech of doom** still sucks monkeyfeathers. I went and sat behind him on the couch and sent for tea and ginger snaps – as they improve any situation. As soon as I said brightly _tea and ginger snaps will help! _I realized that I was probably hanging out with Iroh too much. His philosophy that tea and some sort of biscuits help any situation was contagious.

Toph was sitting cross-legged on the floor next to Zuko, metalbending spoons into replicas of the key for the gardens. Suki and Sokka were sitting squished into the plush loveseat together. Suki had the afternoon off from being 'the leader of the Kyoshi warriors'. She had given her warriors a break to 'explore the city' which really meant perve on hot-arse guy in the Wandering Cat Teahouse. Several of the warriors had become a bit infatuated with the sexy waiters in the teashop and were going to ask them to come to the coronation feast tomorrow. Ty Lee had also taken several of them home to raid her and her sister's wardrobes for party clothes for everyone. I was told that Suki had asked Zuko last night if her warriors could bring a _plus one_ to the coronation party – and he'd given his permission freely, because according to Zuko, this party is going to be **ridiculous **anyway and his Uncle always had a "_the more-the merrier"_ approach to parties. And he wanted his new body guards to not-hate him. When Suki had passed this information on to her warriors this morning there had been much excitement. She was sitting on Sokka's lap and idly polishing her fans as she relayed this information.

Aang was sitting on the couch opposite – playing with Momo. He was blasting little air drafts for Momo to glide on and Momo was chirruping happily. Suki asked him how firebending with Iroh had gone and Aang started going on about how great his lesson with Iroh was and how cool it was to be assigned finding a joke for homework.

He had apparently exhausted Toph's supply of Aang-friendly jokes. Toph told me later that most of the jokes she learnt from earth-rumblers would lead to awkward discussions involving penguin sledding, if she were to repeat them to Aang. With this in mind, Toph had for the sake of our collective sanity, refrained from telling these jokes.

Suki offered that she knew a joke – Aang was well acquainted with Suki fondness for terribly lame puns, laughed politely after she said _I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it… Geddit?_ Zuko, who was clearly looking for anything else rather than the **speech of doom** to concentrate on, said that he knew a joke. He couldn't remember how it went….. but the punchline was….. Aang said _thanks Zuko, but it's okay. You don't have to tell jokes._

Immediately after this, Sokka who had been waving his hand about to get attention, volunteered to provide Aang with plentiful hilarious jokes. Sokka, for his part, saw the directive to find the funniest joke in the world, a joke that made Aang laugh till he ruptured something – as some sore of challenge. He had committed himself firmly to the task of making Aang laugh till he ruptured something.

Sokka nearly succeeded when he told Aang the one about the two penguins in the bar (the one with the misunderstanding about the first penguin's mother). Aang laughed loudly and suddenly and startled Momo – who had been sitting on his shoulder. Momo scampered off in fright and ran all over Zuko's latest (possibly billionth) attempt at the **speech of doom** and smudged the ink everywhere. Zuko swore loudly and Momo scampered back to Aang.

Momo chirruped at Aang in a distressed fashion and Aang smoothed his large ears affectionately and said _No, don't worry - he's just a little stressed at the moment._ Momo chirruped again and Aang said _No it's not you. Believe me. There's a wall there. _ And he tapped his chest solemnly. Momo nodded in understanding. Zuko watched this exchange with a rather bemused and incredulous expression, while the rest of us muffled our amused snorts. Zuko asked Aang slowly _are to talking about me with momo? _Aang confirmed that he was and Momo had suggested that Zuko just needed to relax.

Zuko went a little red in the face and his hand gripped his ink brush so tightly he accidentally snapped it. He dropped the broken brush and started fussing around in his pocket for a replacement. He bemoaned that **he couldn't just relax when the coronation was tomorrow **dramatically.

Aang who, when he becomes determined to cheer somebody up, always persists long after the point where his various antics become unwelcome, continued to try and make Zuko relax. He said that he thought Zuko just needed a good joke too and Aang had heard lots of good jokes today. Zuko looked like he was about to argue, but then he sighed deeply in resignation and said _fine, tell me this joke._ Aang started with _how long…._ Zuko interrupted and asked if the answer was _Oolong time? _Aang looked startled and asked how Zuko had known. Zuko deadpanned _I can read minds._ Toph sniggered next to him, but Aang said _Really? _with genuine astonishment and interest. Zuko said _No, not really. I just know you've spent all morning with my Uncle._ He didn't add _you idiot_ – but the _you idiot_ sort of lingered at the end of that sentence silently.

Sokka said that he had a joke for Zuko and Zuko got a bit cross and said he didn't need anymore jokes. He needed to finish this **speech of doom** and we were all being most distracting and unhelpful. And none of us would have to stand on stage in front of a huge crowd of people tomorrow and make a speech. Aang pointed out that he also had to stand on a stage tomorrow and make a speech in front of a big crowd of people – because Zuko had asked him! Zuko acquiesced that Aang had a point – but then he added that Aang **liked **standing on stages in front of crowds of people. Aang confirmed this and said _what's not to like – everyone claps for you and that's always awesome._ _Who doesn't like a standing ovation? _Zuko said that he didn't like the potential to make an arse of yourself in front of a large audience. I said reassuringly that I was sure his speech was fine and he wasn't going to make an arse of himself. Suki chimed in and said that he'd been working on the speech of doom for ages and should take a break.

At that point Sokka piped up and asked Aang if he wanted to hear a new joke that he had just come up with then. Aang did. Sokka said with barely contained glee _how long does it take Zuko to write a speech? – Oolong time – get it. _Aang and Toph and Suki laughed. Zuko got a bit stroppy and said _that didn't even make sense! _Then he crumpled up his current draft of the **speech of doom** and threw it at Sokka stroppily. Sokka caught it midair and said that Aang was right. Zuko was too tense and needed to relax and Sokka was sure the speech was great. He partially unraveled it and read a few lines and his expression changed. He said _I don't think you should be mentioning recycling in this thing._

Zuko leaned over, grimacing as he stretched out, and snatched the speech back and said_ I'm still working on it okay_ by way of explanation. Sokka muttered _that it needed work_ under his breath. I pointed out archly that Sokka shouldn't knock the speech of doom – it's not like he was a phenomenal public speaker either. Sokka protested that he wasn't knocking it – he was offering constructive criticism and there was a difference. Mentioning recycling was bad, but Zuko had laid everything our neatly and even added the date so that was good.

A strange look came over Sokka's face and he asked if that was really the date. Zuko said it was, and added that he was perfectly capable of reading a calendar thank-you-very-much. Sokka looked at him and asked if he didn't realize what that meant. Zuko obviously didn't. Sokka looked encouragingly at him and repeated the date several times. Zuko gave Sokka a look of complete bemusement, and then said with some alarm – i_t's not your birthday is it! _Sokka said **no!** His birthday wasn't for ages. He announced that tomorrow – the day of the coronation – would be exactly **a year to the day** when we all first met. Well, Zuko and Aang met Sokka and I, at least. Sokka was amazed that no one else realized that tomorrow was the year anniversary of the day we broke Aang out of the iceberg.

No Way!

There were many exclamations. I couldn't believe it. A whole year! It had seemed so long ago! It had gone so fast! The others were echoing my sentiments. Sokka announced that none of us had a head for dates and that was why Sokka always had to be in charge of the schedule. Zuko said that he thought Sokka **just liked** schedules. Aang moaned that he hoped Sokka wasn't going to get schedule-y again. Suki said that she thought that Sokka's schedule love was sweet. I piped up that everyone should be quiet about schedules so Zuko could concentrate and fix his speech (because I'm pretty sure that no coronation speech should be about recycling). Toph started chuckling to herself.

She pointed out that even though a year had gone by and so much had changed – some things would always stay the same. She said all of us, clustered in this room, was almost like old times – back on Ember Island. And like times of old – I was being bossy and trying to organize everyone, Zuko was being dramatically stressed out, Sokka was being anal about dates and schedules, Aang was hating on the schedule and goofing off and Suki was being calm and sensible. I asked _what about you, Toph?_ A bit archly. She replied that as usual, she was sitting around, being awesome and making sassy remarks.

I actually can't argue with that – that is what Toph normally does.

-o-

A short while later Toph got up and gave me one of the keys she had made. She gave the other to Aang and kept one for herself and bent her bracelet back into its normal shape. It had taken her a little longer to make the keys out of the spoons because the spoons were made of a different metal than her bracelet. I made a wry comment about how spoonbending was also like old times as she handed me the key. She gave me a light whack, but she did it in a friendly manner. She then announced that she was also going to embrace old times and take Aang for a vigorous afternoon earthbending training session. Sokka said that he and Suki were going to absconded and have some _quality time_ – whilst Suki had the afternoon off. Too much information Sokka!

It was just Zuko and me left in the loungeroom. I scooted closer to him till I was sitting right next to him. I asked him how the speech was going _really._ He said Sokka was right and it was dreadful and he knew it was dreadful – but everything he wrote seemed dreadful. I said it couldn't be that bad and cajoled him into reading it out for me. He stood up in front of me and read from the crumpled up draft. He thought it would be more 'realistic' that way. I sincerely hope that this is not a realistic enactment of how the speech is going to go down tomorrow.

Zuko shuffled and then waved awkwardly and said _So err hi…Zuko here…._ The way he did that almost reminded me of that first time I saw him again after Ba Sing Se, when he had shown up at the Western Air Temple. I smiled at him encouragingly and then he said _I mean Firelord Zuko here _more confidently and added_…. because I'll be firelord when I give this speech _–unnecessarily. I told him that I had gathered that and motioned for him to continue. He did so. He said:

_So the firenation has does some __**bad shit**__ in the last 100 years and now we have to fix it – not that saying that the firenation people in the audience are all bad people. I'm sure you're all nice…. and you recycle your glass bottles… because the environment is important? …. and anyway … now that the avatar is back … things are going to be better… but the firenation has to do better too … so lets try not to be the jerks of the world –yeah?_

He asked me what I thought. Words momentarily failed me. The speech **really did** mention recycling. I thought Sokka had just been joking. Wow, the speech was so bad. The speech was hands-down, the most awkward thing I have ever seen Zuko do…. and I've seen him plenty awkward. I looked for the right way to frame what I needed to say so that it wouldn't hurt his feelings – but he seemed to guess my thoughts re: **the speech of doom **(it really has been aptly named). He looked down and said _you think it's terrible - don't you? _a bit dejectedly. I said that I wouldn't say it was terrible, it just needed a bit of work – but Zuko was in luck. I was here to help and I was brilliant at speeches.

I tapped the spot on the couch next to me and smiled widely at him. He came and flopped down next to me. He said he knew it was bad – but everything he wrote just sounded so trite and ridiculous after 100 years of war. What could you say after the end of 100 years war that would properly encapsulate it? I shrugged and said I didn't know. I added cheekily (because I just couldn't resist) that I didn't think that mentioning recycling glass bottles was the right way to go about it. Zuko said that he added that bit in for Aang – because the environment was important to Aang. Aang had talked Zuko's ear off the other day about the environment and some forest and a giant panda spirit and recycling.

Zuko crumpled up the speech again and threw it away aimlessly. He said much preferred speaking off-the-cuff. All the times in his life that he thought he had spoken well – he had just been making up as he went along. I agreed and said that most of my really good speeches arose from the spur of the moment. Zuko smiled at me and then said that while he was glad he wasn't the only one, he didn't want to just make the coronation speech up as he went along because it was important. It was all about making a first impression on people. He said_ I really don't want to fuck up the first thing I do as firelord._ He wanted to reassure people that he was capable of doing this whole firelord thing with his speech.

I said that was a better place to start than recycling glass bottles and asked him what sort of impression he wanted to give people beyond being reassuring. If people were only going to remember a few key points from his speech – what did he want those things to be? He said that he wanted to acknowledge the end of the war and how much suffering the war had caused on all sides. Because it was an international audience he also wanted to say that he recognized that the firenation was in the wrong as the aggressor during the war – to help appease any ill-feeling on that score from the earth kingdom and my tribe– but he wanted to do that in a way that didn't make the firenation citizens feel like that were being blamed, as none of them had much choice in the war either. Zuko wanted to take responsibility – because it had really been all his family's doing. After he got that out, he seemed to be on a bit of a roll and he added more things that he wanted to say with his speech.

He also wanted to reassure everybody that he was going to dedicate himself to healing the wounds of the past and rebuilding the world – but that he wouldn't do so in a high handed fashion, but would work with Aang. He wanted to make Aang out to be a **big hero** (because that was important for Aang's image in the firenation) and he wanted to let people know that certain things would be easier now that there was an Avatar in the world again. But he didn't want to dump all the world's problems on Aang to 'fix' because Zuko saw that as the firenation's role – seen as though the firenation was the source of most of the world's problems. He wanted everybody – regardless of where they came from – to feel like their lives were going to be better from now on.

I clapped when he reached the end and told him he wasn't a terrible speech maker. He knew what he wanted to get across – he just had a hard time of writing it down succinctly. I said that Zuko had some really good points. When he had been talking to me about what he wanted to say he'd spoken much clearer and more eloquently than when he'd been reading from that daft draft speech. We just had to figure out a way to compact all that into speech form.

I started thinking about the different ways I could get that message across. I mentally paraphrased his key points. Then said that if I were him, I would start with something like _**Today this long war is over**_ – in a big and certain voice. That would get everyone cheering and start the speech on a high note. We went from there – we tossed ideas back and forth. At one point I stood up and said exactly what I would say if I were Zuko and he frantically wrote down what I said.

We eventually had a short and sweet speech on our hands. It said everything that Zuko wanted to get across, in just a few lines. It was only a few lines long so it would be both easy for him to memorize and wouldn't bore people in the audience with short attention spans. It was nearly complete except for the last line.

It was the _final flourish_ and it was the thing he would end on and would leave a lasting impression on everybody. I wanted to get it right. So did Zuko. We disagreed as to the best way to go about this. We were, in fact, bickering like an old married couple over it.

I wanted to him to finish up by saying that it was time to begin a new era of **peace, hope and love.** Zuko was a fan of **peace and honour** and thought that we should stick to only two abstract nouns – because abstract concepts baffle firebenders, in general. I said fine, we'd stick to two – but in that case **honour was out. **Zuko protested. He is a big fan of honour after all. I said that _for goodness sake! Not everything is about honour_ ! I pointed out that he already got to say honour earlier in the speech and it was time to lay off the honour and give peace a chance. Zuko said he already was giving peace a chance and peace was his first choice of abstract noun. The second choice came down to love and hope.

Ooh tough choice.

Zuko asked me which one I thought was more important, love or hope, in a soft, sincere voice. I wasn't sure. For the longest time I've been banging on about how important hope is. Hoping for a better world and hoping for peace had driven me for so long. My hope was strong and at one point it had been unshakable. But love was something even more elusive and enduring than my hope.

When I briefly lost hope, when I thought that Aang really had left us – it was Love that urged me forward. Love for the others became the thing that drove me. Love and the desire to protect them always from the things that would hurt them. Piandao was right; there was a unique strength and a power in that – in fighting to protect the things you love most.

I had so much love in my heart, first for my Dad and Gran Gran and Sokka – who at one point were all the family I had, then love for my new makeshift family took over. This new love that I felt for Zuko sometimes surprised me with its intensity. Especially at times like this; especially when he was looking at me like that. His face, his shy smile were so familiar to me now. I could hardly believe we've only known each other a year. It sometimes feels like I've know Zuko for a lifetime.

I told him that I thought** love** was the most important thing and he agreed.

-o-

After that we were both silent for a brief moment. I thought that sometimes words are unnecessary. I wanted to **show** him how important I thought love was. But just at the moment that I had screwed up the courage, Dr Yang bustled in unapologetically.

Boo.

I have come to the conclusion that every time I try to kiss Zuko – we will be interrupted by someone. Because it always happens and it is not fair! Dr Yang put her hands on her hips and said _there you are_ with some impatience. She explained that she had been looking all over the place for Zuko and was now in a bit of a rush because she had wasted so much time checking his usual spots and she had plenty more other patients who needed her.

Zuko was a bit surprised – because he wasn't expect to see her until Wednesday. But she explained that his Uncle had sent for her –so she could give him a final check over before the coronation. Dr Yang gave him a check over and pronounced herself satisfied. He was recovering well as far as she could see, despite the fact that he was feeling really stiff in the shoulders. She said that was to be expected, but she reached into her bag and pulled out a small sachet and told him to make a tea with that tonight – around 9pm and he would notice a big improvement in the morning.

Zuko asked about Azula and Dr Yang said that she was doing a little better. He asked if he could see her and Dr Yang thought for a second and said he should wait till after tomorrow – at the very earliest. Then she started hastily packing up her gadgets and said that if he did not have any other questions – she would take her leave, because she had so many other things to do.

Zuko said that he thought things had gotten a bit better down at the hospital and her work load wasn't as intense– but Dr Yang said that they understaffed and ill equipped -as usual- to deal with all the men returning. The wounded had been pouring in lately. And her apprentice had written to her this morning to announce that she wouldn't be returning to the high stress world of physician training in the near future. After the recent death of her husband, she wanted a low stress job that would allow her to be close to her children. Dr Yang could not argue with that, but that didn't mean she wasn't miffed about it. Zuko said he was sorry to hear that and Dr Yang gave him a curt nod in acknowledgement and said that she would love to stay and chat, but she really had to dash off.

-?-

I watched her depart hastily. Suddenly, the half formed idea that had been floating, unacknowledged until now, in the back of my mind - clicked into place. It made so much sense I wondered why it had never fully occurred to me before. I quickly got up. I told Zuko that I'd be back in a minute – but I had a healing related question to ask Dr Yang. Zuko nodded at me and said I'd better go quickly if I wanted to catch her because she was one of the **fastest walkers** he had ever seen.

I set off after her and I turned over my idea in my head. It made so much sense. It just worked. She needed an apprentice. I needed to learn more healing. If she would take me on as her apprentice I could do so many things. I could develop as a healer and incorporate fire-nation medicine into my practice. And with both medicinal styles, I could heal so many more injuries. In the aftermath of the war – there would be so many injuries that would need healing. If I had an apprenticeship here, then I could stay in the firenation for a perfectly legitimate purpose.

I wouldn't have to leave Zuko.

I saw her turn the corner and I ran to catch up, shouting her name. She pivoted on the spot – surprised to see me running after her. She waited for me to catch up and asked what it was that I wanted. I said I had a question for her. She gazed at me and said _what is it?_ primly. I said that she had mentioned back at Zuko's house that she was currently without an apprentice and I wanted to be her apprentice – if she would have me. I told her that I was already a proficient healer – she had seen that for herself. I would be an asset to her and I could help lighten her work load. She tilted her head and looked at me quizzically and considered me for a moment.

She asked me if I had cleared this with my Dad – would he accept my apprenticeship under her. Then I remembered that Dr Yang had a few encounters with my Dad when he was in ninja-nurse-Hakoda mode and evidently my Dad had not left the best impression. I told her that my Dad didn't know about it yet. She inhaled softly and pinched the bridge of her nose.

She asked me how much **serious thought** I had put into what I was asking her? I said that truth be told the idea had only just properly occurred to me ten minutes ago when she said she didn't have an apprentice. But it had been _niggling_ at the back of my mind for a long time. She sighed and then said_ No_ with solemn finality. At first I thought I misheard her – but she repeated _No_ again and turned around abruptly and started down the street. I followed her and demanded an explanation for this no. how could she just say no – when she needed an apprentice and I wanted to learn?

She said that she wouldn't feel comfortable accepting me as her apprentice like this and she knew how things worked in my tribe. She knew that water tribe women didn't get that much liberty and often needed the men of their households to sign off on their decisions. I was taken aback by how she perceived our Tribes. Dr Yang had said it matter-of-factly, she wasn't trying to be unkind. She didn't sound like she was trying to hurt my feelings. I told her that my Dad was not the boss of me. She arched an eyebrow and pursed her lips, but said nothing. However I noted disapproval in her expression.

I said that I was willing to stay here- even if my father objected. She asked me _for how long?_ What did she mean by that? She said how long would I be willing to stay in the firenation? Because it would take **three years** at the very least before I was properly qualified – had that thought occurred to me before I had bustled after her? I confessed it had not. She asked me if I was willing to commit to three years **right here and right now**. I hadn't been expecting to have such a big long term commitment thrust at me so suddenly. There was a brief uncertain pause that seemed to tell Dr Yang all she needed to know. She put her hand on my shoulder and said that her answer was no and I should go home now_._ She said this gently – but it still stung.

-?-

I wandered back a bit dejectedly. For one brief moment – I thought I had found the solution to my problem about what to do in the future. But now I was back to where I started. No even worse – I felt like a door I didn't even know existed had been slammed in my face.

I knew that eventually I would have to decide – and it would probably be sooner than later. I didn't know if I could go back to the south with things as they were. With most of the menfolk being so hostile to the idea of women's rights. In a horrible way, what Dr Yang had said was true for most of the women back home. They couldn't make that many decisions for themselves without the men wanting to have final say. But then there was what Sorrak had said this morning– until I had spoken up – the whole idea of the woman's place in the tribe had never been questioned. If I didn't go back – how could there ever be progress? Didn't I owe it to those women? To those little girls in my tribe? I could help them live in a fairer world. I should want that more than anything.

Shouldn't I?

I wasn't sure.

Going back would mean being shunted to the side, overlooked and dismissed as hysterical. Even with my Dad's help, even with Sokka and Bato and Sorrak – I would still have to shout at the top of my lungs to be heard over the din of male stupidity. Things would change – but change was slow and I wasn't sure if I should have to put up with being treated like that. I didn't know if I could go back to that after this year. Maybe refusing to return on principle would have more of an impact. I could show them that there were so many other options for young girls aside from cleaning up after the menfolk.

But how could I refuse to return now?

I had hoped that Dr Yang would accept me as an apprentice. Then I'd have a plausible reason to stay. A reason that no one could cast aspersions on. I could have stayed with Zuko then, and not seemed like I was staying just to be with him – which was something I'm sure my Dad would have strong feelings about. But it was more than that. I needed to be active. Helping people had always been my purpose really. I needed to have a purpose and something to do everyday besides mooning over Zuko. Though I adored him to an irrational degree; I didn't want to define my days and myself by him. Even if I stayed, I would still want to be my own person and do my own thing. Really learning how to be a better healer was something that I knew I needed to do and something that I wanted to do anyway.

If I stayed without something else to do – there was the horrible chance that I would be just seen as Zuko's girlfriend and I didn't want that anymore that I had wanted to be seen as the Avatar's girl. But I was sure Zuko would understand that. He had a very similar streak of stubborn independence after all.

What other pretence/purpose could I use to stay? Training Aang? He needed it. That was for certain. But a cautious part of my brain whispered that it would be unwise to put all my eggs in Aang's basket again. Aang was a nomad – he got restless. I couldn't imagine him wanting to stay in one place indefinitely. Really we could train in waterbending anywhere. If I was staying to train with Aang and he decided to up and leave…where would that leave me?

See the thing is that Aang is still my Aang – he is still the same person he always was. But he is not **my Avatar** anymore. I used to see him as someone who would _always come through for me_ and _always save the day._ But I have let go of that fairytale now. Ever since he ran away during the comet, I hadn't been able to fully trust him not to let me down. I loved him dearly – but it takes a while for me to be able to trust someone again after they have let me down that badly. I'm still working on it when it comes to Aang. I was sure that the day would come when I would completely trust him again – but that day hadn't happened so far. Not yet.

-o-

Zuko noticed how dejected I was when I got back. I flopped on the couch and told him I didn't want to talk about it. He didn't force the issue, but got me tea and ginger snaps instead. He tried to make it better and asked me what he could do to cheer me up.

I thought about telling him about the real reason I was sad. About my brilliant idea and how Dr Yang and said no and how I didn't know what to do now. Talking about it would make me feel better – but it would probably make him feel worse. I decided against it in the end. I didn't want to give him false hope about me staying – only to smush it. I knew how much he was dreading the thought of me and Sokka going back to the south. He never said anything, but I noticed the sadness and the alarm in his expression whenever the subject of the South Pole came up. I said that the best way he could make me feel better was to practice the coronation speech through to the end without his notes and without making any mistakes. He complied.

-o-

Suki and Sokka came back first. Suki asked me if I wanted to come over to the Kyoshi house for dinner with her and the warriors. Sokka had evidently told her what had happened with my women's rights speech back at the water tribe house. She wanted to have a girly chat about it and discuss ideas. I just wanted to be distracted from the fact that I had no idea what to do in the future. Talking about women's rights seemed like as nice a distraction as any. I followed Suki because time with the Kyoshi warriors really always cheers me up.

There was **much ado** at their house and I ended up having a great night with the girls. The girls were all a bit aghast at the menfolk's reaction. But apparently thinly veiled antagonism is not unusual when dealing with the menfolk. Misa joked about how it was the only men who didn't have a firm grasp on anything approaching common sense that were against women's rights. Because they knew deep down, that women were smarter than them. Much hilarity was had at the menfolk's expense.

I had been a bit down that I had only convinced four men out of everyone – and two of them were related to me! But the girls made me feel much better about everything. The option of Ty Lee chi-blocking their willies was discussed. And Ty Lee happily volunteered for this task.

Ty Lee wanted to me try out different hairstyles on her – as she still felt like a change from her standard braid. She sat in front of me on the floor and much of the evening was passed while I braided her hair in different water tribe styles. I even experimented with giving her hair loopies at one point and she was most pleased with this and gave me a hug and examined our reflection in a little hand held mirror and said _Now we could be twins!_ quite happily. I smiled at indulgently at her – but I couldn't help by dryly comment _yes the illusion is remarkable._ Eventually after many hairstyles and much chatter – she decided that liked the two fishbone braids the best and I showed her how to do this.

While I was doing her hair – Suki sat next to me on the couch – long legs tucked underneath her – and called out encouragement/advice and instructions to her gaggle of lady warriors. There was a lot of activity about getting ready for tomorrow. Their uniforms had all been cleaned and pressed for the coronation and they were in the middle of choosing outfits to wear to the feast.

It looked like the entire (garishly pink) contents of Ty Lee's wardrobe had been emptied on the living room floor. Many, softer coloured pieces, from what I can only imagine is Ty Lee's **small army of sisters,** had also made their way to the Kyoshi floor. These clothes were in varying shapes and sizes, which was good because all of Ty Lee's clothes would only fit Ty Lee sized warriors. I imagined that said sisters would not be happy with this development- but Ty Lee assured me that what they did not know would not hurt them.

Ty Lee told me that her parents had colour-coded all their kids when they were little so they could tell them apart. All of Ty Lee's clothes were salmon pink. My Lee's were crimson. Ky Lee's were burgundy. Ry Lee's were magenta. Zy Lee's were cherry. Chy Lee's were berry and Sy Lee's were rose pink. Wow! I didn't even know there were that many words for reddish-pink, but there you go. I can't imagine having so many sisters. I can actually see why her parents would have resorted to colour-coding. Six more Ty Lees? Who would have the energy for that?

The other Kyoshi girls were going through the pile of party dresses and were holding up various dresses and outfits against themselves and asking for opinions, which Suki and I supplied. Suki and I were both planning on wearing the party dresses we had bought back on Ember Island and so we didn't need to frantically scramble through the pile to get an outfit for tomorrow. _Does this dress make me look fat?_ was frequently asked. As well _is there too much cleavage going on here?_ _Does this colour make me look like a pasty firenation wench? If you were a guy, would you want to __**do me**__ in this dress?_ _What about this hem line? Is this the right level of sultry or have I crossed the line into slutty territory._ It was fun! Many opinions were given, and I am a big fan of giving my opinion in general.

There was a bit of excitement because hot-arse-guy, nice-cheekbones-guy and funny-guy from the Teashop were all coming tomorrow. Ty Lee had asked them this afternoon and they had all said yes. Ty Lee had wanted all the girls to have a plus one – because it was good party ecology to have at least an even amount of girls and guys. Ty Lee believed very strongly in party ecology and in keeping the party _in balance._ Aang worries about balancing nations. Ty Lee worries about balancing parties.

To maintain the balance, Ty Lee had also asked a few of her nicer old boyfriends. She had only invited the ones _she would recommend to a friend._ This struck me as a bit weird. By Ty Lee assured me that she didn't mind at all. She had broken up amicably with all these boys – but they were _really nice boys_ who knew _how to be gentlemen_ and _show a girl a good time._ I asked Ty Lee how many boyfriends she had – to have a _selection of exes_ to choose from. I was honestly just curious. She counted on her fingers and then said she would say seven were official boyfriends because they had gone out for longer than a week and that was Ty Lee's standard by which all relationships were measured. Longer than a week = official boyfriend. Less than a week = didn't count.

Suki asked if she had only invited boys to the party and she said of course. General Iroh had told her she could invite anyone she liked (Ty Lee obviously liked boys). Suki pointed out that by anyone – he could have also meant other women. Ty Lee gave her a long looked and said _wow Suki…you __**really **__are in a long-term relationship._ Aya piped up that she was kind of glad that Ty Lee had invited all the boys. She had been in prison for months, she hadn't _felt pretty_ in the longest time and she really wouldn't mind having a night of harmless flirting with someone with a face like nice-cheekbones-guy. There was a murmur of agreement.

Hatsu, who had recovered from her fever, was obviously a bit more self conscious than the others about boys – muttered that the others could have a good night flirting with randoms, but she just never knew what to say to boys. And these were firenation boys. What did you even say to firenation boys? Ty Lee got up (messing up the braid I was working on) and rubbed her shoulders affectionately and said she didn't need to worry - firenation boys were _simple creatures._ (I beg to differ. The firenation boy I adore is the most complicated person I have ever met). Ty Lee continued and said that If Hatsu didn't know what to say – she should just say _naked._

Err…What?

Ty Lee explained that her sister Ky Lee had a theory: Repeated use of the word _naked _would get any man's attention. Hatsu should just slip it into the conversation every now and then. And _voila _the boys would be eating out of her hands. Alternatively – her sister Zy Lee would pretend to be bisexual to much the same affect. A potential bisexual who said naked a lot was the most irresistible thing in the universe according to Ty Lee. Hatsu nodded like this was the _sagest wisdom she had ever heard,_ rather than the **most ridiculous advice in the universe.**

-0-

It was much later in the evening when I stumbled to the house with Suki. She climbed into Sokka's room again while I walked around the front. I had just gotten through the door when I saw the last person I expected to find here – striding out onto the balcony. Dr Yang! What was she doing here? I was infinitely curious. She hadn't noticed me and so I crept silently after her.

She went to join Iroh on the balcony. They were sitting in the comfy chairs that Zuko and I normally chilled out in. She put her feet up on the tea table and Iroh handed her a cup. She said _you'll be pleased to know that your nephew is currently sleeping like a dead komodo rhino._ Iroh raised his cup to her in thanks. She asked if he realized that what he had asked her to do was illegal in several provinces. Iroh was unfazed by this and just said _It's for his own good. _He added that Zuko needed a good night sleep before the coronation tomorrow. Dr Yang said she didn't understand why he didn't just tell Zuko he was worried about him and thought he was tired and needed to sleep. Iroh said that if he did that – Zuko would respond with **I'm not even tired!** and accuse his Uncle of fuss-pott-ery and then he'd probably stay awake all night – just to prove a point. Dr Yang nodded in agreement. Iroh said_ this way is simpler for all concerned._

Dr Yang asked him what else he wanted. If he had summoned her at this late hour, she knew he wanted something. Then she said _and_ _before you get any ideas, you're not getting __**that!**__ You cheeky old besom._ Iroh said that perhaps he just wanted to be graced with her beautiful and glowing presence twice in one day. She gave him a light punch that was reminiscent of Toph's way of showing affection and said _oh stop it you! _

Iroh started to say _I have a government position…. _Dr Yang interrupted and said _Oh I have something that could treat that _sarcastically. He smiled at her indulgently and said that he wanted to offer her the position of minister for health affairs. She said hold on a minute and fossicked around in her pocket. She pulled out her prescription pad and scribbled something quickly and handed in to Iroh. He looked at the paper in bemusement and then turned to her and said _this is a prescription for no. _Dr Yang said it was – because _No _was her answer.

Iroh tried to persuade her. She was the most respected doctor in the country. She was intelligent and …she told him that flattery wouldn't get him anywhere. Iroh changed tack and said that she could really improve things. He said that the last health minister under Ozai – who they both referred to as_ that imbecile _ - was dreadful and now Iroh needed someone competent to take over. But he could arrange it so that it would only be two/three days a week. She could still see her _favourite patients_ on the other days. He waggled his eyebrows at her and she rolled her eyes.

She asked what about all the returning soldiers – they would need her help too. She couldn't take them on as patients and do Iroh's job too. Iroh said gently that she wasn't the only doctor in the firenation. He said that he wouldn't tell her what to do, but to his mind, making sure the health system functioned efficiently would benefit all those soldiers a great deal more. He added Zuko would need someone he could **trust** as health minister and medical affairs advisor. Dr Yang said, sardonically, _and I'm the best candidate? _The subtext of that sentence was: I'm still the most trustworthy even after I've slipped him some sun poppy tea without his knowledge or consent?

She looked down at her cup and then turned to Iroh and said _I want you to know that If I accept – I will be doing it for Zuko, not because of all your shameless flirting - you cheeky bugger._ Iroh smiled widely at her and said it was an old habit and her striking beauty just brought out his flirty side. She gave him another light whack and said _Oh stop it - you!_ again, but she was smiling back at Iroh. I had never previously seen her like this. So relaxed and joking. She pouted and said _I can't believe I'm saying this – but fine. I'll do it. _ She teased that she could tell that Zuko was going to need someone** sensible** around the place to give him advice and _she knew that Iroh didn't fit the bill! _ Iroh was a bit delighted that she had accepted and poured her another cup. They toasted her new position.

She said that she still couldn't believe that Iroh was foisting the hotseat on Zuko. Iroh said that it was for the best. Dr Yang protested and said _He's so young. He still believes in things like truth, justice, mercy and honour._ Iroh said that he thought those things were real too. Dr Yang snorted and said that those things were fantasy. Surely he couldn't think that there was anything _just_ or_ fair_ about the last 100 years. Iroh was silent for a minute. Then he said that was why the firenation needed someone like Zuko – someone who still believed that there could be some rightness and order restored to the world. The spirits had told Iroh that it was his destiny to be the firelord. Dr Yang snorted and said that she always thought that destiny was for people who were too lazy to get up off their own arse and do something. She did not put much stock in what the spirits wanted. From what she had seen, Spirits were **capricious **and **deeply unkind**. They were certainly **not at all consistent.**

Iroh said he couldn't believe that Dr Yang was still so dismissive of the spirit world, when she had told him just the other day that Zuko's recovery was a _spirits-blasted miracle_ if she ever saw one. Dr Yang said _that was Katara's doing – not the result of spirit world shenanigans._ She said she couldn't believe they were having _this conversation_ again. I got the feeling that friendly arguments about spirits had occurred frequently between them. My ears had perked up at the mention of my name.

Dr Yang told him about how I had asked her to be her apprentice today. Iroh leaned forward with great interest and asked what she had said. Dr Yang said that she had said _no._ She said it seemed like I hadn't thought it through. I hadn't even asked my father before barreling after her. Dr Yang made a wry glance at Iroh and said _you know what those water tribe men are like._ Iroh spoke up in my Dad's defense and said that Hakoda was a reasonable man and he was sure my dad wouldn't object if he thought it was what I really wanted.

Dr Yang snorted and said that she and Iroh had _different standards_ when it came to measuring reasonableness. She tutted and said _Honestly if he told me __**one more time**__ that I was splinting that boy's leg __**wrong- **__I was going to shove my stethoscope up his arse_. She said the best case scenario of her agreeing to train me without my dad's permission, would be my dad getting up in her face about it. Dr Yang said that if he started spouting some of that paternalistic claptrap that **those men** are so fond of, then he would have met with an injury because Dr Yang has _zero patience for that shit._ Iroh chuckled and said he knew that. There was a moment of companionable silence and then asked her in all seriousness that if it wasn't for her reservations about dealing with water tribe men – would she want to accept me as an apprentice.

Dr Yang ran her finger around the rim of her cup and there was a huge pause. I held my breath – if she said no again to Iroh – when they were just having a friendly chat and she didn't know I was listening, then I would know that she had made up her mind about me for certain. But she didn't say no. She eventually said that she wasn't sure. She didn't know if I was serious about this and I would need to be serious because learning how to be a physician would take a long time. She didn't know me well enough to judge how well I'd be able to handle it. But then she added that she thought if I could stick it out and handle the work, I would make a good apprentice. She said _she's a fine girl. She's… quick and clever and talented._

Iroh clapped his hands together happily and said it sounded like I was a brilliant candidate. He could not see the obstacle, aside from Dr Yang's own contrariness. He added, quickly, that this contrariness was a trait of hers that he had always found exceptionally charming. She gave him another light punch. She said her main reservation was that I could be **too** talented. Iroh looked confused and said that he did not understand this particular brand of Yang logic.

She said _Katara's a bit of a prodigy. Isn't she? To have such rapid bending development._ She explained that the problem with prodigies is that they **think they know everything already** and everything comes easy to them….until it doesn't. And then there is always drama. She added softly that she reckoned that things would be a damnside easier for Princess Azula now -if just once in her life previously, things hadn't come easy to her.

She finished her cup and said firmly, in a way that indicated that she had thought a great deal about what she was going to say, _if Katara was going to be my apprentice she would have to be willing to listen to me and learn from me. She would have to be willing to work hard and not expect it to come easy._ I wanted to burst out and say that I could do all that – but then I would have revealed that I had been eavesdropping and I wasn't sure how much either of them would like that.

Iroh gave her another refill and said mildly _Would it help if I told you that I thought the spirits wanted her as your apprentice? _She snorted in amusement and said _No it would not, you old besom! _Iroh chuckled and then asked gently_ Would it help if I told you that I know you well and I can tell you want her as you apprentice? _She said perhaps he was right. But she had told me **no** rather firmly today. Iroh said that if I wanted the position enough – he was sure I would ask again. Dr Yang said that if I asked again -she just might reconsider.

-o-

I got up early that morning. Only Iroh was up – Zuko was uncharacteristically still abed, ostensibly as a result of whatever Doctor Yang had given him last night. Iroh smiled at me when he saw me. He'd been laying out pai sho tiles in a the solo-game pattern – but asked me graciously if I would like to join him. I declined and said that I was actually wondering if he could help me with something. He bowed with a flourish and said it would be his pleasure to assist me. I asked him if he could tell me where Dr Yang lived. I had something I wanted to ask her.

Iroh made an **excited little noise,** but then school his features and said _of course._ He gave me directions as well as thinly veiled instructions. He didn't know that I had overheard him last night and so he tried telling me how I should approach Dr Yang in complicated tea metaphor. I was glad that I had overheard what she had said last night because I didn't understand the tea metaphors. I thanked him for the advice and set off. He called out **good luck** after me.

-o-

Dr Yang lived in a small row-house near one of the parks. I strode up to her door and knocked soundly. She opened it and her eyes widened in surprise when she saw me. She asked what I was doing – knocking on her door at this time of the morning. How did I even know where to find her? I said that General Iroh had given me direction to her house. She rolled her eyes, but then shook her head in what could almost be mistaken for amusement. She muttered _I bet he did _under her breath_. _ I told her that I had come so early in the morning because I had wanted to catch her before she went off to work. Dr Yang asked me why I wanted to speak with her so badly.

I drew myself up and said that I would like her to reconsider my request to be her apprentice. She crossed her arms and said _and why should I?_ She was testing me. But I already knew the answer. I said that I wanted to be her apprentice because I knew I could learn a great deal from her, and I wanted to learn. I was a hardworker. I was good in medical situations and I knew that the job would not be easy. But still, despite how hard I knew it would be, I wanted to do it. She nodded at me approvingly and opened the door wider and said _well you might as well come in then._

_-o-_

She ushered me into her small kitchen and we sat at the little table together. She fussed with making tea and handed me a cup of a very bracing brew. I sipped it politely. She said that she wanted clear a few things up with me. First thing that she wanted me to understand was that she was not saying yes (and my heart sank a little). She added that neither was she saying no (and it rose again). She wasn't going to make a decision just yet.

She explained that first I would need to tell my Dad and make sure that he wasn't going to get in her face about it. Because she just did not have the _time, patience or inclination to deal with paternalistic nattering. _ I agreed.

The she outlined that she wished for a trial period. She explained that she would only be working as a physician four days a week now. She said that I should try assisting her on two of those days, each week, until the delegation left for Ba Sing Se. That would give me a taste of what it was like. She didn't want to invest too much time in teaching me – if I were to decide against a career in medicine on a whim or leave in the middle of my training like her previous apprentice. So she wanted me to have a good idea about what I would be getting myself in for and what her expectations would be - before I committed to an apprenticeship.

Then she wanted me to think good and long and hard about whether this was something I wanted to devote my time to –whilst I was in Ba Sing Se. She said that if I came back from the peace summit and still wished to pursue a career in medicine and had proven myself to be a competent hard worker – she would agree to teach me properly. Those were her terms for accepting me as an apprentice. She asked me if these terms were agreeable to me. I said that they were.

I told her that I was **already absolutely sure** that this was something that I wanted to do. The corners of her mouth twitched slightly. She smiled and said that in her opinion there were no absolute certainties in life – except for death and taxes…. and Iroh's meddling. She downed her cup quickly and said briskly that if we were both in agreement on a trial period, then I should come back to her house at this time on Tuesday and we would go from there. She ushered me out – because she was once again in **very busy and important mode,** and did not have time to dilly-dally with me.

-o-

I walked back to the house with a spring in my step. I was feeling bouncy and optimistic and hopeful and just so many things. I couldn't wait to tell Zuko what had happened. I had sorted out a way for me to stay. I hadn't wanted to tell him earlier (when I had asked and failed) because I didn't want to get his hopes up prematurely – but now…now _anything was possible._

I couldn't wait to see his face when I told him that I wasn't going to dash off to the South Pole in the near future. I wasn't going to leave him. I knew that uncertainty on that score what something that made him reluctant to start anything with me. But now that wouldn't be an issue at all. I would be here and he would be here and we could just take it from there. I thought about yesterday afternoon and how right it had seemed to just sit beside him. I had helped him with that speech and we had just laughed and joked and bickered together. It had felt like I could pass every afternoon in such a fashion and never get tired of it… and maybe now I could.

I strode down the hall to his room, because I was just bursting with excitement and I couldn't wait to tell him. Even if he was still asleep, I was going to poke and wake him up because I just couldn't wait to hear what he'd say.

But as I got to the door – I saw something that made my heart stop and took all the wind out of my sails and the spring out of my step. I turned the corner to Zuko's room and saw Gloomy hairbuns!

**Friggin Gloomy Hairbuns was back!**

-o-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

La rambly Author's note.

Lovely wonderful readers! You have reached the end of chapter 3 and I hope you all enjoyed it very much! Huge thank you to all my brilliant and wonderful reviewers – you wonderful comments and suggestions encouraged me back to this story quicker than I thought would be feasible. I'm sorry for the delay between chapters. Once again university and my students were a bit demanding these last two weeks.

So in this chapter, we have a look at just how far Aang is along with the other elements and we get a glimpse of Iroh's teaching style. I have previously stated in other long rambly notes that I do not think that Aang mastered all the elements by the end of the show. I just do not think that complete mastery is possible in the time frame, especially for someone of Aang's disposition. Toph thinks he still has a great deal to learn when it comes to earthbending and I think that realistically earthbending will continue to trouble Aang, because it is so contrary to his personality. He is closer to mastering waterbending and Katara very encouragingly points this out. In my fic Aang will have to **work for it** before he gets the title of master in one of the other elements – because working hard for things that do not come easily to him will be good for Aang.

Some of you pointed out that the old dragons would fix Jeong Jeong's attitudinal problems and I agree. But that wouldn't be a priority at this point. I think that this would be something that Aang would have suggested to Zuko. Zuko would see the wisdom of Aang's suggestion and would add it to his 'to do' list (and that list is getting long). But, importantly, another item on Zuko's To Do list would be visiting the sun warriors again and asking their **permission **before he starts sending disgruntled firebenders to them for dragon-healing all willy-nilly, because I think he takes his promises seriously and he did promise to keep their existence a secret. The tribe should be consulted about issues that will affect them – and they will be affected by more people knowing their secret. He would point this out to Aang and Aang would agree to keep schtum.

So Iroh has a drastically different teaching approach to Jeong Jeong and Zuko. Because he has a totally different philosophy on firebending to Jeong Jeong and he doesn't have the Sozin's comet deadline looming over him the way Zuko did. Also Iroh is just more of a jovial and chilled out kind of guy.

I think that from conversations with Zuko, he would have surmised that Aang still has a bit of a negative impression of firebending (he really didn't use it much in the final battle against Ozai – even despite the fact that fire was super charged then). Now that there is the luxury of time when it comes to teaching Aang – Iroh is going to take it slow with him and try to build up the basic understanding and the basic skills that Aang lacks. His first step is to try and make Aang see the joy in firebending lessons and by extension firebending itself; hence the jokes assignments. Also laughter is one of the best ways of exercising your diaphragm – and a strong diaphragm helps with breathing control, so there you go. It's not a completely frivolous exercise.

I also think that Iroh would feel that Aang shouldn't be trained so hard when he is so young and after such an intense year – the kid deserves to take it a bit easy. Katara picks up on all these extra motivations pretty quickly and she and Iroh have a nice chat. I actually think that Katara and Iroh would get along pretty well. After all, they have a bit in common. They both cannot resist getting all up in Zuko's business and telling him what to do. There is also a backstory with Iroh and the Azira gardens and why they were locked up – but everything will be revealed in good time my lovelies!

So Iroh, in his chat with Katara, says what is a running point throughout this chapter. Sometimes people can surprise you. Katara is certainly very surprised to find Bato and Sorrak waiting for her back at the house. They have snuck out to talk to her. Bato is very open in his support for gender equality, but Sorrak is not ready to show his open support just yet – as he fears recriminations from the menfolk. I think that Bato would have already had a bit of an earful from Ming about this subject, as I don't think that she would have been very pleased with the Water tribe attitude to women. She and Bato have had many discussions about this and Bato has come around to seeing things her way. In many ways, he is in a similar position to Sokka. Ming would not wish to spend time in a place where she would be regarded as a second class citizen because of her gender (she will already be regarded differently because of her nationality).

Sorrak has a different reason for his quiet support. His speech about his mother is another little nod to _Made in Dagenham_ again. I wanted to illustrate one of the ways that men can be hurt by the patriarchy too. Sorrak, as a child, would have seen his mother be ill-treated simply because she was a woman. He loved his mum and that has never sat well with him. Sorrak is a variation on the wife-basher-basher trope (and we will get to see this tendency of his later).

Sorrak would have been upset at the social norms of the water tribe, but felt powerless to do anything about it. Katara's speech would have been a revelation to him – because she was openly and publically questioning the social order that he has been privately questioning for a long time – but never had the courage to speak up about. He considers what she did very brave, especially in light of how the other warriors reacted. But being a man of few words, he chose to demonstrate his agreement and carve her a warrior bead instead.

Sorrak and Bato both support Katara for different reasons, but they should up in this chapter to give her a bit of a boost after the mess at the water-tribe house last chapter. I wanted to show that while the large majority of water-tribe men will be hostile to the idea of reform, there is a minority who do agree with Katara, that things should be equal and fair between the genders.

Katara also gets to spend some time with the Kyoshi girls this chapter. She is feeling down and she finds comfort and solidarity with them. In many ways, advancement in women's rights was driven by the solidarity between women. They support and reaffirm Katara's position. They also get to have a fun time being girly girls and get to pick outfits fro the party and talk about boys. It is almost like a slumber party (Katara does braid Ty Lee's hair after all). Ty lee was a font of flirting advice in the show and she spouts so more here. The all men are attracted to the word _naked _and to bisexuals is a nod at the fabulous British show _coupling._ Anyway I like Kyoshi time and I think it is important for Katara to have some more girl friends who are around her age.

The Gaang get a moment to all hang out together – just the six of them in this chapter. I kind of miss writing about just the six of them chilling out together, and so I threw a whole Gaang scene in here. Aang talking to Momo is a nod to the wonderful _Emperor's new groove. _Aang is talking to Momo the same way that Kronk talks to squirrels – and because Aang actually does talk to Momo frequently in canon, the whole thing works. Some of Suki's Kyoshi warriors have gone to go perve on the hot waiters at the Wandering Cat Teahouse. This is a little nod to the fabulous **Wandering Cat** – who made the TV Tropes page about this series of fics. *waves at **Wandering Cat.** * also during this scene, Zuko worries irrationally that he has forgot Sokka's birthday (and he wouldn't want to do that to his bestie). Sokka also tells everyone that the coronation is exactly a year since the day they found Aang in the iceberg. Mostly because I felt the urge to justify the "I can't believe a year ago I trying to hunt you down/I was trapped in a block of ice" dialogue from the Zuko/Aang scene in that last episode. I felt like all that _a year ago today… _reminiscing had to come from somewhere – thus Sokka's preoccupation with the schedule/dates was used.

Zuko and Katara work on the speech together because: a) they so would b) that speech Zuko gives at the end had _Katara _written all over and c) it was cute.

Something I noticed in the series was that Zuko is much better at impromptu speaking, then he is at rehearsed speaking. His objection to General Bujing's plan arose from the spur of the moment and was eloquent and succinct. His speech to his Dad in the _day of black sun_ was kickarse (though YMMV about how pre-planned that was, I tend to think that the ideas were there, but he hadn't rehearsed it _so to speak_). His second speech asking the gang to accept him as Aang's teacher, comes from the spur of the moment and is much more confident and persuading than his first.

His first, which he practiced and agonized over with that frog – is just a **festival of awkward.** It is an awkward sandwich with embarrassing sauce. Zuko always had awkward tendencies – but if anyone was ever in any doubt that he is a big dorky dork, from dorktown, dorkmania – that speech seals the deal as pure solid moment of dorkdom.

I think the problem was that he has over-thought-it. So much prep has gone into this speech. He has agonized over it too much, and he would have built it up to be this ginormous deal in his head and that would have compounded his nervousness, which would have then made his delivery even lamer. Anyway, I think that while he is a good off-the-cuff speaker, Zuko would dread prepared speaking. And sucks at it accordingly.

The coronation speech is an even bigger deal and he would be even more nervous about it. What do you really say at the end of 100 years of fighting that can encapsulate it? His speech also has to simultaneously reassure both the firenation people and the other nations gathered there. These groups want a different sort of reassurance. The rest of the world what to be reassured that the firenation isn't going attack them all again and the firenation would want to be reassured that they are not going to get crucified in the coming peace deals and that Zuko knows what he is doing. His speech will be the first impression he leaves as firelord on a wide group of people and that would add even more pressure. He would have so much that he wants to get across but would have been very bad at putting all that into words.

I think that Zuko would have a hard time putting his feelings into words at the best of times to begin with. Part of the reason why he has struggled and will continue to struggle to tell Katara how he really feels about her is tied into why he sucks at rehearsed speeches. He has now thought about it so much that he has officially _over-thought-it _and it has become built it up in his head to be this **big giant nerve-wracking thing.**

Anyway Katara is great at speeches. Speeches are her thing. In my fic she is also good at translating Zuko-babble into regular English. So I thought that she would be the best person to help him write the coronation speech of doom. And so they have a very cosy afternoon of speech writing, in which they both snuggle and bicker like an old married couple. _Give peace a chance_ is a nod to the beatles. Also both Zuko and Katara think that Love should be the word that the speech ends on. Daaawww, bless their cotton socks. If it wasn't for Mai's necessary return – they would have kissed right there. *ducks fruit and boos* I know, I am a dreadful tease! Sorry my lovelies!

Some of you are probably not big Mai fans and are thinking **Boo you!** right now. But I can promise that Mai will be given more character and the _relationship fail of Maiko_ will be explored **without** bashing either of them as characters, because I like them both. And you will get to see what I think would be the logical progression of their relationship (with hopefully hilarious results).

In this chapter Katara also gets a proper reason (that is not Zuko) to stay in the firenation. I just cannot see Katara staying in the firenation long term, without some sort of occupation of her own. Because Katara is a do-er. Like Zuko, she is very pro-active when it comes to her causes. She unfailing gets off her arse and does something, especially when it comes to healing/helping people. I cannot see her being happy in the long term, if her role in the firenation was confined solely to just being Zuko's girlfriend.

Note: one of my problems with Kataang is that I do not like how canon (and especially what I have heard about the promise) seems to reduce Katara to just being Aang's girlfriend (eg Aang's enthusiastic nodding in the EIP when actorZuko said _you're the Avatar's girl_ – leads me to believe that he agrees with this sentiment, and would potentially view Katara like this). Anyway, Katara having no other role outside her relationship with Aang and being defined completely by her relationship with him is just frankly unhealthy.

So in my fic, I have her take on an apprenticeship with Doctor Yang. Her apprenticeship will give her an occupation in the firenation, help her learn and grow as a person and prove that she can still be in a relationship with someone and not lose her innate Katara-ness the way she seems to with Aang. Katara would still be able to be completely herself in a relationship with Zuko. She would still have a life and a purpose outside the relationship, because that is always a good thing.

And I think that Zuko would want this for her too. I think that Zuko would never want Katara to be defined solely by her relationship with him (as he sees a more complete picture of her as a person, with her own wants and needs – rather than as a perfect and unconditionally loving mother figure, the way that Aang sees her).

Zuko respects independence and strength and autonomy in others, especially in the girls he fancies – if Maiko is any indication. One of the few times I believed in Maiko in canon, was in the boiling rock when Mai told the guard that _she could handle herself_ and Zuko chimed in that _she really could_ and he sounded **really proud** of her and her badassery. Zuko seems to like Mai the best when she asserts herself. I would think that he would like and respect this in Katara as well, when they are together. Much like Katara, he has a strong independence streak – and would understand Katara's need to be independent and would be supportive of her activities outside the relationship.

I though medical apprenticeship with Dr Yang was best because I think that understanding medicine more and having better training will help Katara down some of the many future career paths I see for her. She is into medicine and health and, as established in previous notes – it is an area that I think she will need more training in. Also there are going to be a lot of injured people wandering around in the post war aftermath and the need for skilled healers will increase. Proper medical training will greatly improve Katara's ability to help people and be a force for good in the world. It will also increase the amount of things she can be bossy about – so of course she'd be all over that!

The idea of an apprenticeship with Dr Yang has been floating around, unformed in Katara's brain ever since last fic, when she would ask Zuko things like 'how long does it take to be a doctor here?' or when she would pester Dr Yang for more books and more knowledge. It is only when Dr Yang explicitly says, in this chapter, that she is currently without an apprentice, that the idea clicks into place. Katara is crushed when Dr Yang says no initially, but I thought it was the right choice for the Dr's character.

Dr Yang is a sensible woman and she would not agree to train a teenager who has seemingly decided she wants to be a physician on the spur of the moment, especially a teenager with a father like Hakoda – who would get all up in Dr Yang's business. Dr Yang and Hakoda have had their squabbles before about the treatment of Sokka. She knows enough of the watertribe culture/patriarchy to know that watertribe fathers would expect a say in their daughters' lives. While she does not support this worldview, she is not going to openly combat it when she has so many other things on her plate.

Katara, when she first asks, has not put that much thought into what would be involved in her apprenticeship. But Dr Yang knows what a demanding position it is. She has thought long and hard about it, after her chat with Iroh and would have come up with the terms of Katara's trial apprenticeship. Two days a week before the peace treaty, and if she returns after Ba Sing Se and is still interested, they will take it from there. She is doing this to give Katara a rounded experience of being a physican in the firenation – so that she can better make an informed choice.

I think that Dr Yang would recognize Katara's potential as a physician and she has already witnessed her considerable skill with healing. But she would recognize the hassles and problems associated with training her. And she has recently lost an apprentice who she spent a lot of time training – so she does not want to take on any new apprentice on a whim.

Dr Yang and Iroh have a nice chat about this in this chapter. Iroh is a bit delighted with the idea that Katara might be staying long term (because he is a big shipper on deck. Well actually I think he primarily ships Zuko/happiness, and right now he sees that Katara is making his nephew happy.) I think that Iroh fusses and nags because he loves. One of the things that Iroh nagged Zuko constantly about in season 1 was getting enough sleep. This issue has returned. I think that Zuko would push himself too hard (drive himself into the ground) with all the stress of becoming firelord. He knows how much he has to do, he knows how seriously he has to take his new position and he's been staying up late every night trying to get things done. Iroh has done the nagging thing, the _I'm worried about you getting enough sleep_ thing and met with the expected Zuko response (indignant protesting). He has now cut-out-the-middle-man and gotten Dr Yang to slip him a variant on sunpoppy tea. Zuko did this to Aang before the comet and now Iroh does it to Zuko. Like Uncle like Nephew.

Dr Yang, despite her complaining, was happy to assist. She and Iroh are old friends. They have known each other a long time. Long enough to have had that argument about spirits and how much faith one should put in them many times over. Dr Yang also has a few thoughts on prodigies, which I think are relevant for this show and this fic. There are several prodigies in the show, Aang, Toph, Katara and Azula all master their native element at an exceptionally young age. If canon is to be believed, Katara mastered healing in even less time than it took her to master bending. I don't think everything should be so easy for them – but having such a difficult skill be so easy at such a young age can give children an overinflated opinion of their skills with everything else. Aang, Katara and Azula will all have to work hard for the things they want in the coming chapters.

Note: in some ways I think that Toph was the most 'grounded' (grounded – get it) of the prodigies as a result of her having to lead a double life and her disability – so she will continue to sit about making sassy remarks with Iroh.

Next chapter: Katara will be pissed off about Gloomy Hairbuns, Presents will be given, Zuko will get coronated, and there will be shenanigans.

Til then my lovelies.


	4. Auspicious occassion: Gratitude

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Auspicious occasion of Zuko's coronation.

Part 1- Gratitude.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

-?-

What the hell was she doing here!

They were hugging and she was smooshing her face right in the centre of his chest and I was sure that wasn't good for the lightning wound. I tried to tell myself that _justified medical concern_ was the reason why I felt this incredible wave of anger sweep through me. But even I know that's a lie. I nearly shouted out **Oi, get your mitts off my Zuko-** but thankfully I curbed this rather dramatic and confrontational impluse in time. I also curbed the urge to kick her in the shins like a petulant child – so this is also a good thing.

I just…. **really don't like** that Gloomy Hairbuns!

This is not just jealousy.

_It really isn't._

I may casually wonder what Zuko sees in her – but that is just because it really is a **genuine mystery** to me. They do not seem well suited at all. Any reasonable person would come to the same conclusion. Zuko is so warm and passionate and Gloomy hairbuns is just so cold and emotionless– she'd give icebergs a chill. I still remember how she didn't give two shits about her baby brother and just handed him back to us (when we were "the enemy") back at Omashu. That was so cold it was _friggin icy._ And then annoying way she'd huff about how bored she was and how victory was boring and how easy it had been to beat us. Got to say I'm still a bit pissed off about that too. She was just so supercilious and smug.

I'm surprised if she and Zuko have anything in common at all.

I mean what did they talk about when they were together?

How _bored _Gloomy Hairbuns was?

Seriously?

And what the hell were they doing hugging right now?

I cleared my throat, rather dramatically and loudly (and maybe crossly), and they broke apart instantly. Zuko looked around and gave me a sheepish face. Gloomy Hairbuns didn't make any face at all (can her face even **make** facial expressions?) and simply started to strut away like she thought she was the coolest person in the world. She got to the door and quickly looked me up and down – and then I saw an actual facial expression. It was there for just the tiniest flash of second, but I definitely saw her lip curl in disdain. She called over her shoulder that she'd see Zuko later at the banquet and he should think about what she said.

What did she say?

I wasn't going to ask her, but I was riddled with curiosity. Then she was gone, with her ridiculous dress trailing behind her. It was a real aristrocrat's dress - you couldn't do anything practical in a dress like that.

I stomped over to Zuko and got up in his face and asked _what was she doing here?_ He said that she'd just got back – way ahead of schedule- and **surprised the crap out of him** this morning. She'd snuck in with her sneaky ninja skills and helped him tie his jammies. I huffed that she had done a bad job and said _she even tied this wrong _with some disgruntlement. You actually cannot tie it wrong, but I just wanted to criticize something Gloomy Hairbuns had done. I set about untying the knot – so that I could retie it better.

Zuko cleared his throat and looked embarrassed and said _she said she also wants to get back together with me?_ like it was a question. I dropped the knot and stepped back and said and _what did you say?_ Zuko said that he said he wasn't sure and Gloomy Hairbuns had said that he should think about it because it was the honourable thing to do – and because he had **forgot her in prison, **but Gloomy Hairbuns was a big enough person to overlook that. Zuko had apologized profusely for the prison forgetting and Gloomy hairbuns had forgiven him. Well, she had huffed _it's fine, whatever_ and that was pretty much the same thing as forgiveness coming from Gloomy Hairbuns. And then they had hugged and then I had come in.

Zuko looked at me and said _what do you think? _a bit uncertainly. He wanted to know what I thought about him getting back together with Gloomy Hairbuns. I was a bit surprised he was even considering it. He said that _it is the honourable thing to do,_ _after all_. I wanted to say _Fie upon your honour!_ But I did not, because I knew that would make him stroppy. He is very defensive of his honour after all. Instead I humpfed to express my displeasure at this turn of events and stood back and put my hands on my hips and made a grumpy face at him to demonstrate my feelings re: Gloomy Hairbuns and his honour.

Zuko said I shouldn't be like that. He really wanted to know what I really thought. Was there any reason why he shouldn't? He said _Tell me what you really think…._He looked at me searchingly here. I was a bit taken aback. There was so much uncertainty and longing in his expression. Was he wanting some sort of declaration on my part? Because I didn't know that I was ready for that.

Could I just tell him now – don't get back with Gloomy friggin Hairbuns, because I love you and I have just arranged it so that I can stay here. I was working up the courage to say that. But the pause between wanting to say it and actually saying it was long. I don't know how long, but it was long enough for Zuko to blush terribly and look away and then added _What you think as a friend…of course._

Friends!

What!

Not friends again!

Well now I was a bit grumpy. He was considering getting back with Gloomy _Friggin _Hairbuns and I was just a friend. Boo! The answer was so obvious to me. How could he not see? I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that as a friend I thought he should do what he thought was right, but as someone who loved him, I wanted him to not get back together with Gloomy hairbuns and be with me instead.

It was a big thing to say, but I think I was ready and I had this feeling that if I didn't say it now,** I'd never get the chance**. This was a **now or never moment** and I wasn't going to let it pass me by. I moved a step closer and started to say it with all the sincerity I could muster. I got as far as _Well, as a friend I think you should do what you think is right… _

I never got to finish my sentence. At precisely that instant Aang burst into the room on his air-scooter, all alight with excitement. He was joyfully crowing _Zuko, you have to wake up and come right now! You're Uncle has presents and he…._ At this moment Aang noticed me and said _Oh good Katara, I was just coming to get you too!_ We were urged to come on, because Uncle said that he wouldn't start without everybody and why were we just standing there when there were PRESENTS for us in the lounge room. Aang scooted back out, with all the enthusiasm of a penguin in spring. The prospect of presents had put him in a tizz. It is understandable. Presents have that effect on kids. While it was understandable, I wish he had just waited just a few minutes longer before sharing his present enthusiasm with us.

Zuko looked at me and said _you know for someone who's religion dictates that he swear off all worldly possessions and reject materialism, Aang is awfully excited about presents._ I agreed. As if to further prove Zuko's point, Aang stuck his head back around the corner and once again urged us to come on and hurry up, because there were PRESENTS! Zuko smiled at me ruefully and we followed Aang.

-?-

Everyone was clustered on the couches and Iroh was standing in the centre, with a small pile of gifts on the table behind him. He was beaming at everybody – but he smiled especially widely at Zuko and I. He said that now that Zuko and I had joined the group – the present giving could begin. He asked who would like to be first and Aang's hand shot up in the air and he said _pick me! pick me!_ Toph crossed her arms next to him and said _just give Aang his present before he bursts Uncle._ Uncle smiled indulgently at Aang and pulled out a large square box and a small rectangular box and handed them over.

Aang went for the big one first and lifted the lid. Inside was a complicated set of saffron robes and a large airnomad prayer necklace. This seemed to mean a great deal to Aang because he gasped in shock when he beheld the clothes. He looked at Iroh in astonishment and confusion. He seemed bursting with questions that all seemed to run into each other with his surprise and enthusiasm. _ I don't understand…how did you…where did you… _Iroh kneeled in front of Aang and explained.

He said that the firenation had taken many artefacts from the air temples. One of the scrolls that Iroh had read detailed the spiritual journey of a monk. Iroh knew that when a Neophyte monk, like Aang, became a Samanera Monk, they were given new scared robes to indicate that they had been ordained and blessed with wisdom to continue along the spiritual path. Iroh said that he had the robes made up especially for Aang – according to the specifications he had found in the scroll.

He added that he was deeply sorry that there was no one of Aang's religion to do the ceremony properly. He said that he hoped that Aang would not find it presumptuous that a firenation man was now presenting Aang with the robes, but Iroh sincerely felt that Aang deserved them. He wanted to humbly present Aang his new robes as well as his blessing and well wishes.

Iroh felt that Aang's dedication to his people's beliefs and lifestyle was commendable. He was sure that Aang had gained enough wisdom along his journey to be considered a Samanera. Aang's eyes got a little watery while Iroh spoke. At the close of this little speech, Aang leaned forward and Iroh hugged him in a big snuggly Uncle hug. Uncle gave him a soothing rub on his back and said _there there child, it's alright _in such a comforting tone_._

After a few moments he said _You still have another present _to Aang, and this seemed to cheer him up a bit_. _He sniffled and was about to wipe his nose of his sleeve (I handed him a hanky, double quick) and opened the next box. In it was a scroll made from expensive paper. Aang did not seem as overcome with emotion, upon being given a scroll. Iroh explained that this was an exact replica of the **seven steps to wisdom **by Monk Tenzin.

Seven steps, was that all it took?

This is, apparently, one of the key founding texts in Airnomad philosophy. Iroh had an exact replica made for Aang. He was having copies made of all the airnomad texts that he could find in the Royal Library vaults. He joked that he would be keeping the scribes in business for years to come. But mostly he just wanted Aang to know that he was going to have support now in preserving the Airnomad culture.

Aang nodded in understanding and said _Thank you Sifu Iroh_ and bowed deeply. Iroh lifted his chin and said _you are welcome Avatar Aang_. Then he stood up and asked who wanted their present next. Toph, who had made what looked like a great deal of quiet sarcastic remarks to Sokka while Aang got his present and had feign indifference to the whole present giving thing, instantly volunteered. She said _well if somebody has to go next, I guess I will _as if getting presents was **such a burden.** Iroh smiled at her and handed her a small silk bag. He said that the rest of present was waiting for her in Ba Sing Se – but this was just a small piece. She emptied the bag in her hand and what looked like a large heavy coin fell into in. It was made of some sort of stone, but had inlaid bright orange and pink gems in a flower pattern.

Iroh told her it was a pai sho tile from her new set. It was the first one the craftsman had finished and he had sent it over, so that Iroh would have something to give her. Toph ran her fingers over it and a look on concentration passed over her face. She was puzzling the stone out. She said it felt like marble was the base, and she could feel ocean jasper in the higher ridges that made the outline of the flower, but she couldn't tell what the big orange stone that made up the petals was. Iroh told her that it was something called a Fire Opal. She nodded and said _sweetness._

Her eyes lit up suddenly, in surprise, and she exclaimed _this is a white lotus tile!_ Iroh stage whispered _we'll talk later _at her. Toph smiled at said _over a game on my new pai sho set, while I kick your arse? _Iroh said that sounded most agreeable to him. Toph then tapped her foot on the floor a few times and snorted. This obviously meant something in their "secret code" and it was obviously something quite funny to Iroh, because he let out a massive belly laugh and said _oh you are too much, my dear Toph!_

Then it was my turn. When Iroh had composed himself, he handed me a long slender box and gave me a bow. I undid the ribbon quickly and with a great deal of eagerness. In truth, I was quite excited to see what I had gotten. Toph and Aang had gotten such amazing gifts after all. I gasped when I saw what was in the box. It was three elegant and immaculate waterbending scrolls. But the most incredible thing was that the symbol at the top was the symbol of the Southern Watertribe.

These were Southern Scrolls?

Oh my goodness!

I suffered the same phenomenon as Aang, almost incoherent excitement, awe and surprise. Iroh explained that he had found the original southern scrolls in the Royal Library Vaults, but they had not been in good condition. He had gotten one of his friends, who was a historian at the Royal Caldera University and specialized in restoring artifacts – to work at returning them to their original condition. They were still legible and he had once again, had copies made up.

These were the copies, and though they were not the same as the real thing, they were on good sturdy waxed paper and could take a generous amount of splashing. He added more seriously, that he knew how much preserving my culture meant to me, and he hoped these southern style scrolls would help, in some small way.

It did. It meant so much. My feelings about preserving my cultural bending style had always been there, ever since the North Pole, when Pakku had mentioned Southern Style in passing. He had said it slightly disdainfully at the time – but it was still the first clue I had that Southern Style had existed and was different to Northern Style. It was part of the reason I had been so keen to learn Southern Style from Hama. I knew that Southern Style varied from Northern Style, but I had never had any guidance as to how. I never had anything to go on at all.

I was the last southern bender, and whenever I thought about it, I always felt a dull sorrow at not knowing my native style and not being able to preserve it. Now I could. I felt a happy tear fall down my cheek and I dashed it away quickly. Oh bollocks! I was going to _do an Aang_ and have a happy cry! There was nothing for it. I gave Iroh a hug in gratitude and told him thanks. It's the first time I've hugged him actually, and he is just as snuggly as I thought he would be. He is like a cup of tea in person form. Warm and soothing.

I sat back down and Zuko leaned over and asked if I was okay. I smiled at him and nodded and said I was really happy, but I was feeling a bit overcome at the moment. How on earth had Iroh known? Zuko did his nervous rambly babbly thing. But he said it all really quietly. We were whispering – so as not in interrupt the present giving. Iroh had given just give Suki copies of the complete works of Kyoshi and they were both exclaiming over their favourite bits and what a badass Kyoshi was.

He told me that he had told Uncle, because his Uncle hadn't been sure what to get me and he had asked Zuko, and Zuko remembered what I had said to him about preserving my culture when I had told him about Hama. But he hadn't told his Uncle about Hama, because he knew I wanted that private, but he had just said that he knew preserving my culture was important to me and he was sorry and he hadn't meant for it to make me cry. I whispered back that I was crying happy tears, so I was happy and he didn't need to apologise.

I said that just couldn't believe that I had three Southern Waterbending Scrolls to myself. Zuko grinned and said the best thing was that these were waterbending scrolls that I didn't need to **steal from pirates.**

Was he making a joke?

The look on his face told me he was. Well isn't Zuko _a real comedian_ now. Taking the piss out of me stalking him, and now stealing from pirates? I gave him a playful amused bop on the back of his head and stifled a smile and tried to look cross (but failed miserably).

Somebody cleared their throat and we looked up. Everybody was looking at us. We thought we were being quiet, but really we had been like the naughty kids in the back of class – making noise while the teacher is talking. Zuko looked a bit sheepish and gestured for his Uncle to continue. His Uncle had given Sokka a book on metal engineering and a Library Card, with special privileges. Sokka was most interested in this library (he is always interested in libraries – they are his fourth favourite thing in the world, after Suki, meat and schedules.)

Iroh told him that The Royal Firenation Library was either the second or the third biggest library in the world. If Wa Shi Tong's spirit library was real, then it was third. If it wasn't, then it was second after Ba Sing Se University Library. Sokka said that in that case, it was technically third, but because no one would ever get into Wa Shi Tong's again – Sokka would count it as second.

Iroh also pulled a key out of his sleeve and handed it to Sokka, who took it and looked a bit mystified. Iroh explained that it was a key to the non-bender entrance to the Library vaults, where they kept rare works and original copies of things. He told Sokka to be careful with it, because the texts in the vaults were extraordinary and priceless and very few people were allowed keys to be able to go in and see them. Zuko piped up that he didn't even have a key and he was about to be firelord (he sounded a bit disgruntled.) Iroh gave him a look that said _seriously now?_ and then he gently reminded Zuko that he could use the Royal Benders Entrance. He didn't say _you dolt_ – but the _you dolt_ sort of lingered at the end of his sentence anyway.

Iroh said that there was another part of Sokka's present, but it was just temporarily on loan. He had "borrowed" it from Piandao's quarters – but wished to "return" it pretty soon – before Piandao got back. He took the last thing from the table which was a very long package and handed it to Sokka with a bow. Sokka opened it eagerly. Inside was a sword that almost looked exactly like space sword. Sokka asked _if it was space sword_ excitedly, and Iroh said that it wasn't. But it was a Piandao Sword and they were nearly priceless in the firenation.

Iroh and Piandao both knew how Sokka lamented the loss of spacesword during the final battle. (I think the **entire firenation** knows how much Sokka laments the loss of spacesword by now. Lamenting the loss of spacesword is something that Sokka does frequently and with a great deal of gusto. It's like when he lost boomerang and felt that he had lost part of his identity…but so much more tragic. No Character in _Love amongst the dragons_ has ever been as distraught as Sokka was about spacesword). Piandao had been working on this sword, which was as similar to spacesword as he could make it. He had even made it from the leftover meteorite that Sokka had left at his place. The handle was a little different, but Iroh was sure that Sokka would get used to it soon. Sokka swished the sword from his chair happily. Suki leaned right back, comically, to avoid the blade.

Iroh asked if he could borrow the sword back. Iroh had intended to give it to him to show his gratitude about Sokka's services to end the war. But Piandao had been a bit stubborn and had wanted to be the one to give it to Sokka himself. Iroh had "agreed" that Piandao was right and was going to go and put the sword back now, so that Piandao could also feel the joy of giving Sokka the sword.

Iroh advised that should Sokka be given the sword again in the near future, it would be best if he acted surprised and overjoyed. Zuko was shaking his head slightly and muttered that he couldn't believe his uncle had stolen from Master Piandao. Iroh grinned at him and said that it was not _stealing_, it was _temporarily borrowing_ and he thought that Zuko should be well acquainted with the difference by now.

Then it was Zuko's turn to get a present and he looked hopeful and apprehensive at the same time. Iroh said that he was sure that Zuko was going to love his present and produced a small envelope from his sleeve with a flourish. He handed it to Zuko. Zuko opened the letter quickly and some bits of red paper tumbled out into his lap. He collected them and read the first one and quirked his one good eyebrow up. He looked up in surprise at his Uncle and said _this says it's a coupon for free advice from you._

Toph laughed loudly at his surprise. Aang and Sokka and Suki also had a good chuckle. I leaned towards Zuko and read the coupon over his shoulder. It said:

**Coupon for FREE ADVICE from esteemed Wise Person **

**General Iroh.**

**Redeemable: anytime, except if General Iroh is "entertaining".**

I tried to stifle it, but I also couldn't help the little chortle that escaped my lips. Iroh nodded sagely and said that he thought this was what Zuko _needed the most._ Zuko was still perplexed by his gift. He said that Iroh gave him ADVICE for free all the time, regardless of whether Zuko wanted it or not. Iroh said that there was much more than just coupons for advice in the bundle.

Zuko started thumbing through the pile of red cards, saying _Where did you even get these? Did you write these yourself? _He said _did you write these yourself? _in a somewhat accusatory tone. Iroh concurred that he did, happily. He said that Zuko should note the beautiful calligraphy on "Coupon" because that had taken Iroh ages.

Zuko pulled out one and said _this one is a coupon for a hug? _As though the hug coupon had **personally insulted** him. Iroh beamed at him and asked cheerfully _would you like to redeem it now?_ Zuko did not. Zuko wanted to find and redeem the coupon that said _one consequence free time to tell you to shove it up your arse. _Iroh did not seem at all insulted by this, instead he smiled at said that there was actually a coupon for that, if Zuko felt like looking through the bundle. Zuko looked like he felt torn between throwing the bundle in the air in frustration and actually thumbing through it. He thumbed through it, found the coupon and handed it over to his Uncle with disgruntlement.

-o-

Iroh took the coupon happily and then announced that breakfast would be ready for us by now, if we wanted to go and put out presents away and then head to the table. He said that today would be a long day and he recommended a good hearty breakfast to everyone. Toph handed me her tile and told me to put it on her dresser because she was going to go and get stuck into breakfast now. I trouped up the stairs with Suki (who was taking both her and Sokka's presents – minus the space sword to his room). I placed the tile on Toph's dresser and put my waterbending scrolls somewhere safe. Aang scooted past me at great speed on the way down and headed to the table with gusto. He called out over his shoulder _Last one to the table is a rotten egg!_ happily. I think _last one to the table is a rotten egg_ must be an airnomad thing.

At the base of the stairs I heard Zuko and Iroh's voice coming from the room they'd been using as an office. Zuko was saying that he understood why his Uncle wanted to talk to him in private. It was to make sure he understood his lesson. Iroh was a bit perplexed and said _what lesson? _Zuko said that he knew that was why his Uncle had given him lame-ass coupons and had then given everyone else an extravagant gift. It was to teach Zuko a lesson in humility and or some shit like that, because Zuko already had so much and didn't need presents and should be grateful for what he had etc.

Iroh chuckled and said that for once he wasn't trying to teach Zuko something – but humility and shit like that was a still a good lesson anyway. He had just wanted to get a smile out of Zuko. Iroh said _Admit it… you love the coupons… you think they're funny… go on… you can tell me._ I think Zuko must have smiled in amusement. He said _what is it with you and coupons? _with so much affection in his voice.

Iroh cleared his throat and said that the coupons weren't Zuko's real present (Zuko sighed in relief here). Iroh had just wanted to give him this present in private – that was why he had asked Zuko in here. There was the sound of books being moved, Zuko said _what is this?_ Iroh told him to open it and have a closer look. Paper ruffled and then there was a scrape of metal. Zuko read out hesitantly – like he was trying to make out a faded inscription _to my Son…Lu Ten?_

The metal scraped again and Zuko said with real awe and wonder, _Uncle I can't take these…these are Lu Ten's daos._ As if the fact that they were Lu Ten's explained everything. Iroh's voice came from closer to Zuko's. He sounded sad but firm. He said _Lu Ten would have wanted you to have them… I want you to have them._ Zuko said that they had been for Lu Ten again. They had Iroh's crest on the hilt. They were meant for Iroh's son.

Iroh said softly _you are a son to me._ There was a little silent pause and then Iroh added solemnly _I know may not be your real father…but I will always see you my son._ Zuko confessed that he saw Iroh as a father too. He added that Iroh had certainly always been a better father to him that his actual dad. He sniffed loudly and then Iroh said _come here_ and I think they hugged.

I didn't want to intrude on such a private moment and so I crept past the door as silently as I could. I still couldn't help but peak through the half open door, really quickly, as I walked past. Zuko had buried his face in his Uncle's shoulder and wrapped his arms around Iroh's middle. Iroh had one arm around Zuko's shoulders and was smoothing his hair with the other. He was looking to the ceiling and blinking back tears. I pulled the door the rest of the way closed, quietly. I didn't pull it hard enough for the handle to click. Just far enough for the door to be clearly closed. This was a special moment for them.

And special moments get interrupted on an **alarming level** with Zuko.

I didn't want anyone to interrupt this.

-o-

Breakfast past in a whir of activity. Zuko ate superfast and had to go to the palace to get "prepared properly." Sokka was curious as to what this would mean. Apparently Zuko had to be scrubbed officially and dressed officially and fussed over officially before he could get coronated – Iroh left with him, in case Zuko wanted to redeem an **advice coupon** before the ceremony. But I think he just wanted to spend more time with Zuko. Suki also dashed off to get her warriors ready for the ceremony and to make sure that everything was going well at Kyoshi house. And Aang wanted some help with his new robes –as they were complicated. He looked to me after he said this and I volunteered to help him straight away.

-0-

It became clear to me that Aang was suffering a bout of last minute nerves. The samanera monk's robes were not overly complicated. They had been designed by people who loved simplicity in everything after all. Still I helped him button every button while he fidgeted nervously. I tried to encourage him as best I could. Aang never had a proper mother, but sometimes the thing he really wants is a mother's reassurance. This is something that I am very good at providing.

I buttoned and smoothed fabric and rubbed his head and hugged him. He babbled that it was so great that General Iroh had gotten these robes made up for him and I agreed that it had been a very nice thing to do. Aang was a little sad that Monk Gyasto wasn't here to ordain him. He rarely ever speaks of Monk Gyatso or missing him, and so this was a bit of an unusual moment. He sniffed loudly. I hugged him again and asked what Monk Gyasto would have said if he was here.

Aang said that when Neophyte Monks became Samanera Monks – The Lama (the leader of the temple) normally said the _Live In Joy Affirmation_ as they placed the necklace of joy around the Neophyte's head for the first time. Aang was feeling a bit sad. Because he was the last airbender, there was no one to say the affirmations. Aang was thinking about asking Sifu Iroh to do it, but he was so busy with Zuko today and Aang didn't want to presume too much. And Aang had been thinking about it and he had decided that it would be a bit weird to have a firebender say the rights anyway.

I asked him if he wanted me to do it for him. Aang looked up at me with big hopeful eyes and decided that this was a good idea. I was older than him and quite wise myself. I smiled when he said this and set about the task of ordaining Aang into the order of the Samanera. It is a bit weird that I, a fifteen year old girl for the Southern Water Tribes, have now properly ordained Aang when he is the Avatar? Well, that is what I have done. Aang said that he couldn't think of anyone better than me to do it – I had been the one who had woken him up from the iceberg after all.

He was a bit excited and found the section for me. I memorized it quickly, so that I could say it without holding the enormous scroll. He knelt in front of me, because apparently Neophytes always have to kneel. I held the necklace over his head and recited the _Live in Joy affirmation _over Aang, in the grandest and most solemn voice I could muster.

_Live in Joy, In love,__Even among those who hate._

_Live in joy, In health, __Even among the afflicted. _

_Live in joy, In peace, __Even among the troubled. _

_Look within. Be still.__  
__Free from fear and attachment, __  
__Know the sweet joy of living in the way._

Aang bowed his head and I placed the necklace around his neck. He looked up at me and smiled widely and I said that he was now a proper Samanera in my book. Aang was a bit delighted and got up and hugged me around the middle and thanked me for saying the affirmation over him. I hugged him tightly back and said that I was happy to say the next affirmation and the affirmation after that. And I was.

I was so glad to see Aang this happy. Aang doesn't have his people anymore, and I remember how heartbroken he had been back at the Southern Air Temple, when he had discovered the remains of Monk Gyasto. I had told him then that Sokka and I would be his family from here on out. And I made a promise to myself then that I would always do my best to look after him.

He needs me too really. Aang needs somebody to be a parent to him, and I know the others tease me about being motherly, but I have always assumed that the person who had to be a parent to Aang was me. It's like how Zuko is not really Iroh's son, but still Iroh feels like he is. Aang is not my son, (hell I'm fifteen, if Aang was my son I would have had to have given birth to him when I was three) but sometimes, in moments like this, it really feels like he is.

-o-

When Aang was ready, we walked to the reunification Plaza together. This was some time later – and we were running a bit late for the ceremony. Aang had a **small panic** about not being ready to speak in front of so many people. He was worried that he would forget the vows in front of everybody and then Zuko would be mad because he had given Aang the vows to learn ages ago…and maybe Aang had put off memorizing it until the last minute and had tried to memorize it last night, but now it was just **vow soup** in his head. Aang was catastrophizing out loud about how mad he was sure that Zuko would be if Aang ruined his coronation by blurting out **vow soup.**

I calmed him down, and said that we would practice them together so Aang didn't have to worry about vow soup. I added that Zuko had also left the coronation speech til last minute and had only written it yesterday, and so I was sure he wouldn't be too mad if Aang made a few mistakes. The fact that Zuko had only written the coronation speech yesterday seemed to give Aang some comfort. We practiced Aang's lines until he felt ready.

I pretended that I was the one being coronated and now it was my turn to kneel on the carpet and have words said over me. I lowered my voice so it would sound more like a boy's (I could never lower my voice enough for it to sound like Zuko's, but I think that I did an admirable effort anyway.) I solemnly promised a lot of things (there are a lot of solemn promises involved in becoming firelord) until Aang was satisfied that he could do it in front of a crowd.

Lenka was a bit beside herself when we came down and said that the others had left ten minutes ago and we'd have to hurry if we wanted to catch up. We rushed all the way to Reunification Plaza. I escorted Aang to the atrium just before the Pagoda where the ceremony was to take place.

Zuko and Iroh weren't there which was a bit unusual. I gave Aang one final fussing over and readjusted his necklace a bit. I stood back and asked if he was okay to wait here – I had to get out the front and find my Dad and Sokka before the ceremony started. Aang said he was, and he was sure that Zuko would be along soon. Or if he wasn't – the Aang was going to tease him forever about being late to his own coronation. (This would be especially funny for Aang because Zuko was always harping on about punctuality at Aang.) I gave him a final hug, pronounced him ready and dashed off down the hall.

-o-

In the hall I ran into Zuko and Iroh dashing in the other direction. Zuko was exclaiming that _he couldn't believe how__** late**__ they were _and _it was Iroh's fault_ and _the massages had definitely been a __**bad idea**_ and _Zuko wasn't even __**that**__ tense_ and _he couldn't believe how much his Uncle had banged on about how he needed to relax before he got coronated_ and _now he couldn't relax because they were LATE._ Iroh was saying that Zuko needed to calm down – he was royalty. **Royalty was never late.** If, in the unlikely event that royalty showed up after the expected time, it was not that they were late. Everyone else was just early. Zuko made a choice comment about what he really thought of that advice. They both stopped abruptly, mid-bicker, when they saw me. Zuko even waved lamely and said _oh, Hi Katara._

I smiled back at the two of them. I told them that Aang and I had only arrived just a moment ago – so they were not _**Late**__ late._ Iroh breathed a sigh of relief and clapped Zuko on the back and said _see, nothing to worry about._ I said we might have to worry a little abut Zuko's hair. I meant it light-heartedly, but he looked a little panicked.

His hair is only just long enough for a top knot and had been combed back into one – but some fly –away strands had popped out (during what was no doubt a _hasty_ journey to get here). I told him to relax before he could panic further. I told him it was just that some bits had just come undone – but I could fix it for him in a jiffy.

I got some of the pins I normally have in my pocket. He came close and bowed his head low so I could reach up and fix it. I tucked some of the fly away strands back into the top knot and pinned them in place. Our faces were really close as I did this. I could almost bump noses with him. I didn't, because his Uncle was _right there, _but I really wanted to kiss him right then. He was looking very handsome with his hair all pinned back. I know he likes it all shaggy in his face, because he thinks it hides the scar better. and he does look handsome like that too, but I like being able to see his face properly. He really has a nice face, scar and all.

I tucked the last bit in and pronounced myself satisfied. By a feat of amazing will power, I took a step back. Zuko smiled at me nervously and asked _How do I look? _The words **handsome, gorgeous, sexy** flashed through my brain. I didn't say these either, because Iroh was _still right there_ and none of those answers were appropriate in front of him. Actually, on second thought, Iroh tells ribald stories in front of Zuko all the time. Me saying I found Zuko incredibly sexy right at this moment probably would not have fazed him at all. But still, I didn't want to say it in front of him, especially when Zuko and I hadn't even been given a chance to finish our Very. Important. Conversation from this morning. This day had been so hectic since then.

I realized that Zuko was still waiting for an answer, so I settled on saying that he looked _Firelord-ly._ He smiled at me and said _Good, that's the look I'm going for. _Then his face changed and the worried panicked expression from before came back over it. He said with real nervousness _I don't know if I'm ready for this._ Iroh was standing behind him and he stepped forward and laid a hand on his shoulder and said _you are_ simply. I smiled at him and, because I was standing in front of him and I could, I reached up and tweaked his nose and said that I was sure he was ready too, with as much encouragement in my voice as I could muster.

He took a deep breath and nodded at the two of us and tried for a smile and said _okay. Let's do this._ with a great deal of determination. This is the same voice he uses before he has to cut up seaprunes. Pure resolve and will power. He stood up straighter and strode towards the curtain. He turned around when he got there and waved at Iroh and I, and then disappeared through it.

-o-

Iroh sighed in relief and sat down on the bench near the window and sighed in relief. He said _I'll tell you something- getting someone ready for a coronation is just as draining as actually being in coronated yourself _with amusement in his tone. I sat next to him and agreed and said that Aang had a small freak out too and it took much cajoling and reassuring and practicing sacred oaths from me to get him ready. Iroh grinned wider at me and said _you know that_ (here he gestured towards the curtains) _was Zuko's fifth "I don't know if I can do this" so far today._

I leaned back and said _but he can do this. I know it. _Iroh smiled at me then, not his cheeky grin, or his good natured little smirk, but a real genuine smile that went right up into the crinkly corners of his eyes. He said he knew it too. He'd never been **so proud** as he was right at this moment. I smiled back with equal sincerity and said _me either._ I said that I was so proud and happy for both of them. For Aang and Zuko. **Today this long war really was over** and I really _felt_ it and _believed _it right now. Afterall, here I was sharing a bench with an old firenation general, what better statement of peace could there be then that. Iroh chuckled to himself at that and agreed.

He turned to me and said _you know, you really are a remarkable young woman Katara._ I was a bit taken aback by the bluntless with which he said this. He wasn't flirting (which I admit, was a possibility that very briefly crossed my mind). No, when he flirts, it is all empty flattery. This time he sounded as sincere as the full moon, as solid as the stone beneath our feet.

I was a bit uncertain about how to respond. Iroh said that he knew that there was not going to be a giant celebration in my honour, and he knew that, in my tribe, I was struggling to get the recognition I deserved, and he knew how much that bothered me. I nodded and wondered how he knew that and where he was going with this.

Iroh said _I also know_ _that none of this_ and he gestured out the window behind us –where people were flocking past and banners were streaming through the air- _would have been possible without you._ He said _you might not get accolades and acclaim in front of the masses, but to me, the __**real hero**__ of this war…is you._ He got up and bowed deeply in front of me and said_ I will always be grateful to you, Master Katara of the Southern Water Tribe. _

I felt so gratified to hear him say that and to be recognized as a hero by him. I felt touched that he had said it to me and called me by my full title. So few people have ever called me _Master Katara_ after all. In fact, I think that Pakku was the only other person to address me as such. I felt **all aglow** and I didn't quite know what to say.

In the end I didn't have to say anything. Iroh offered his arm and said now _Now, shall we go see our boys get on stage in front of the masses. _I took his offered arm and we walked towards the main door. He added, once again with the cheeky grin _And shall we also pray to the spirits that neither one of them forgets their lines or falls on their face?_ I concurred that this was a good suggestion.

-o-

We walked together to the doors and then split up. Iroh was going to go and take his place in the firenation section of the audience and I had to go find Dad and Sokka. I found Sokka first. He was with Suki. He was freaking out a bit at seeing Ty Lee in uniform. It's the first time he has seen her in her Kyoshi outfit and the site of her looking so similar to Suki was "bothering" Sokka. I pulled him along with me to the Water tribe section of the audience so that we could find Dad.

We walked past Toph and we both tried to hug her – but she was once again in punchy-affection mode. She rejected both our hugs and said that she had already been hugged by the Hippo until she thought she was going to be squashed against his massive gut –and she had reached her **hug quota** for the day and was now a **hug-free-zone.**

I pointed out that it was the official end of the war today and we really should hug or do some demonstration of affection to mark the moment. Sokka agreed. Toph was unmoved. Sokka and I glanced at each other – and an unspoken message passed between us. Toph and Iroh are not the only ones who can communicate in secret.

Sokka yelled out **sneak attack hug** and Toph let out a sound that could be considered a squeak (very surprised squeak) as he fell upon her with one arm and I grabbed her with my other. It is a shame that Sokka is still hopping about on crutches, otherwise I was sure that he could have scooped her up properly. Toph protested at the group hug at bit at the start, but then eventually settled into it and said _aaawww you guys_ and gave us both rather patronising pats on the back.

At that point we heard our dad calling us and we told Toph that we would find her after the ceremony and got up to look for him. Dad found us quickly and he did scoop both me and Sokka up into proper Dad hugs. My feet still dangle when Dad does this, but I realized with a start, that Sokka's don't anymore and he is nearly as tall as Dad is.

Dad put us both down and wrapped his arms around our shoulders and told us that we had made him the proudest father in the world. He added after the tiniest hesitation that he was sure our Mother would have proud as well. I know that talking about Mum always makes him sad. He still blames himself for not being able to protect her – but my heart felt so very full when he spoke of her right then.

I touched her necklace in remembrance.

_Oh mum._

She would have been proud.

Just at that moment, a Gong sounded and the ceremony was due to begin.

-o-

Zuko came out on stage and waved. He looked a bit nervous for a fraction of a second. Then it was gone and his face was set in a confident expression. He waved and announced that the real hero of this war **was the Avatar** and he stepped aside and gestured for Aang to come forward. Aang did so and came and stood next to Zuko. He was looking incredibly pleased with himself. He didn't have a trace of nervousness. He smiled widely at everyone and waved happily and hugely. It looked like Zuko whispered something out of the corner of his mouth. Aang's wave became a little more dignified, but no less enthusiastic.

A firesage came and stood next to them. He was obviously the most important sage, because his hat was bigger than everybody else's. Zuko knelt down in between Aang and the firesage and a silence fell over the crown. The firesage had the deepest voice I have ever heard. He sounded like he had at least 18 testicles – that is how deep and booming his voice was. He asked _Will you, Prince Zuko of the firenation, govern this great nation, from the rumbling mountains to the low-lying spice islands, with Honour, Strength and Grace ? _Zuko said in an equally formal and loud voice, _I solemnly promise to do so. _

The firesage had a few more questions. _Will you, to your power, cause Law and Justice, in Mercy, to be executed in all your judgments?__ Will you provide leadership and sound governance for all fire nation citizens alike? Will you protect this nation and all firenation citizens, both here and abroad, to the best of your ability?_ Zuko solemnly promised to do all these things. The firesage stepped back and the gestured for Aang to step forward.

Aang stepped forward and looked at bit uncertain for a moment. Zuko looked up at him and he whispered something, but I couldn't hear it. Aang nodded and then cleared his throat and said in a big voice that sounded like it belonged to a much older person. It surprised me a bit – hearing Aang so grown up.

Aang announced to us, in that big loud voice, the Avatar's vows. He said _The whole purpose of the Avatar is to maintain the balance in the world and the ensure that love and compassion, patience,__tolerance, humility, forgiveness are abundant. It is in that spirit that I ask you, Prince Zuko of the firenation, that you pledge a__ commitment to upholding the dignity of all people, beings and spirits._ Zuko pledged to do so. Aang asked if Zuko would also pledge that from this day forth, he would live and govern in harmony with others, in balance with the elements, with healthy respect for the spirits and with generosity in his heart. Zuko pledged to do this too. Aang also stepped back.

The firesage stepped forward and placed the Firelord topknot piece in Zuko's top knot. Then he stepped back and said _I now Pronounce you Firelord Zuko. _Aang stepped forward towards us, the audience, bowed towards us and said _Firelord Zuko governs with my blessing._

Zuko stood and the **crowd went bananas. **I was cheering my head off. Confetti burst from somewhere, which seemed to surprise Zuko and Aang. Zuko looked for his Uncle in the crowd and found him pretty quickly. He was standing a bit to my left, with two fingers in his mouth, letting loose a loud, joyous whistle. It looked like Zuko mouthed _confetti?_ With a very questioning glance at his Uncle. I saw Iroh shrug dramatically in response.

Zuko held up a hand for silence and the crowd quietened. He started his speech and said _Today this war is finally over. _(There was more riotous cheering – and Zuko once again waited for everyone to quiet down) _I promised my Uncle _(Uncle Iroh waved in an undignified fashion. Zuko smiled at him, and made the tiniest little wave with his hand in his uncle's direction) _that I would restore the honour of the firenation and I will. The road ahead of us is challenging. 100 years if fighting has left the world scarred and divided – but with the Avatar's help_ (Zuko turned and glanced at Aang and Aang came forward and stood right next to him and nodded enthusiastically at all of us as if to indicate that he was very eager to help)_ we can get it back on the right path and begin a new era of __**love**__ and __**peace.**_ He looked right at me when he said _Love and Peace _and smiled at me. I smiled back and made a small wave. He waved back. The crowd around us erupted in applause, but I almost didn't notice, I was so absorbed in looking at Zuko.

The cheering went on for a bit. Aang was **loving it** and bowing like a maniac and waving like a lunatic. Every time he bowed or waved, the earth kingdom people and all of my tribe **went nuts**. The firenation had cheered enthusiastically at the start, but after a bit, they seemed to get a bit perplexed and their clapping took on a confused cadence. Zuko was clearly feeling a bit awkward. He subtly grabbed the back of Aang's robes and pulled him back a little bit and once again held up his hand for silence.

Zuko thanked everyone for coming and said that he would be honoured if we would all join him in the royal ballroom for the Coronation Feast. Someone – it sounded worryingly like Hasa, from my tribe, Yelled out _Wooo Yeah! Lets Feast!_ Zuko blushed for a second at being interrupted and then said _yes, a feast. It will be served in approximately one hour, but drinks and snacks are available right now._

There was that satisfied rumbling from the crowd that always follows a pronouncement of the availability of free food. Zuko said that the Royal ballroom was out the left exit and straight up Imperial Boulevard and he hoped to see everyone there. The he bowed at everyone and tried to make a hasty retreat from the stage. He was thwarted in this by Aang, who stuck around at the front of the stage for a few more bows – and the accompanying cheers. Zuko came back (blushing furiously at having to return after making an exit), stood by Aang and whispered something to him. Aang made one final, flourishing bow and then turned to Zuko and said _now I'm ready. _ And they turned to leave the stage together.

-?-

There was a bit of chaos trying to find everyone again. You could tell who the hungry people were, because they had stampeded the exits on the left as soon as Zuko gave directions to the free food. In the ensuing melee, it was a bit hard to come back together as a group. We were meant to meet out the back in the pagoda atrium.

Initially Toph was the trickiest to locate. I think she temporarily absconded to have a **mini rumble** with the Hippo, because when she returned, Hippo was carrying her, sitting primly on his shoulder. The Hippo was saying over and over again _I will humbly serve the incredible and amazing Toph for the rest of this day, as she is a badass _like it was some sort of mantra.

Both Hippo and Toph were **incredibly dirty** and much time was allocated to cleaning Toph's face by me. She struggled against my cleaning ministrations and at one point said _Hippo – get her!_ in a commanding voice. I shot Hippo my **most scolding motherly look** and he backed right off and said in an uneven voice to Toph _err I don't know if I will, your badass-ness. _In the end I was forced to use my bending to wash her down quickly and dry her off. I did this in one lightning quick movement – one big splash and then a movement to bend all the water out of her clothes and hair. Toph protested – but was clean.

Zuko was trying to extricate Iroh from conversation with some lady he had found in the crowd, who he was most interested in talking to. Suki had a hard time sorting out her warriors. My Dad was leaning against the Pagoda wall looking a bit bemused until Ty Lee flipped over to him and got right up in his face about something. My Dad actually smiled at her and she inched closer.

Oh eeww!

She's like ...my age!

Zuko gave up on extricating Iroh and on organising everyone. We were all meant to arrive together and "make an entrance" but now we would all be **LATE **according to Zuko, but that was okay and he didn't. Even. Care. Anymore. Sokka was sitting on the bench and resting his leg. He tapped the bench beside him and Zuko flopped down next to him. Sokka pulled a bag of fireflakes from his pocket and Zuko took a giant fistful. Sokka protested a little, because Zuko had just scoffed like half the bag. Sokka told Zuko that he was normally all for schedules, but maybe today _Zuko should let the schedule go today._ (this is almost blasphemy coming from Sokka and Zuko was suitably surprised by hearing Sokka say this).

Sokka said that he just got the feeling that it was going to be **one of those days.** And besides, Zuko was the firelord now had had just been coronated – in theory, a coronation party couldn't start until he got there, so he couldn't possibly be late. Zuko nodded at this sage wisdom.

Eventually, everyone was organised and we all piled into a big carriage – it was a bit of a squash and Aang ended up on my lap. But we all made it. On the very short drive there and the longer walk around to the main entrance that we were all going to go through - there was much talk from from everybody about the shenanigans they planned to get into at the feast.

Toph was planning on finding the other rumblers and challenging them in the gardens. She hadn't had a really good earth bending fight since the Dai Li. She was itching to try out some of her new moves on a Master bender. Aang volunteered that she could try them out on him – but she smiled at him and said _not yet twinkletoes._ Sokka was trying to subtly ask Zuko about the _secluded make-out locations_ at the ballroom, for Suki and him later. He was trying to be subtle, but we all heard him and Suki whacked him with her fans.

Aang was hoping that he could spread a _love of dance_ to everybody at the feast and Zuko was a bit horrified by this. Aang explained to him about how he had "fixed" some firenation school kids by teaching them to dance. Zuko did not look assuaged but Aang's plan to fix the firenation through dance. He tried to discourage Aang from this course of action for most of the walk to the main entrance.

We clustered around the curtains and were about to go in, when Zuko asked us all to gather around for a moment. He said that he knew it was probably impossible, but did any of us think that we could at least **try and behave ourselves** at this thing? Toph piped up that that probably wasn't going to happen on her end, but she wasn't the person Zuko needed to worry about making a drunken debaucherous scene. That person was the person who unfailing sung **the hedgehog can never be buggered at all** at large social gatherings. That person was Uncle.

Uncle smiled in acknowledgement and gave a small good-natured shrug. Zuko gave his Uncle a look and asked if Uncle could at least **try to be good.** Uncle grinned cheekily at Zuko and said _not if I can help it nephew._ And he gave Zuko a big wink. Zuko made a worried face. Then Iroh clapped his hands together and said _now, it is time to get the party started _and he strode through the curtains – arms held outwards and announced from the other side of the curtain, in a loud booming voice:

**Ladies and gentleman, may I present to you; Firelord Zuko and the heroes of the war. **

It was time.

-o-

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Author's notes –

Lovely wonderful readers, you have reached the end of the first part of Zuko's coronation. I hope you have enjoyed it! Big enormous thank you to all my wonderful reviewers – you guys a fabulous! Sorry if I have been a bit late in getting back to you recently, as real life has been a bit busy. But I promise that all of your reviews were read and appreciated and they all warmed the cockles of my heart and I seriously can't thank you guys enough.

So this is the start of Zuko's coronation arc. Like Katara's birthday in Not Stalking Zuko, this celebration will be told in three parts. This first part deals with gratitude as there are a lot of people feeling grateful in this chapter. Some of you are probably feeling grateful that Gloomy Hairbuns wasn't in this chapter too much.

So Gloomy Hairbuns was here, but only for a flash. We will see more of Mai and find out more about her real motivations for wanting to get back together with Zuko next chapter. We will also get to meet a delightful character known as Drunk!Mai. Drunk!Mai has a lot of thoughts and feelings that she wishes to share with the group – and she will. And much fun will be had by all. But yeah she was only in this one for a bit, and only to ask Zuko what he thought about getting back together with her. I actually really like Mai – even though I have Katara hating on her a bit in this chapter. I think Mai had real character potential that was shamelessly squandered (something which I intend to remedy).

The Maiko scene is another **slight revision of canon** for the purposes of my fic. There are some things in canon that I simply cannot fanwank my way around. Iroh leaving Zuko all alone after he got shot by lightning was one of those things. Err no, just no. I don't buy that. The Maiko scene is another _just no_ for me. I thought I could fit it in _as it was,_ but the more I watched it – the less sense it made. The more I thought about it, the more WTFs came up.

WTFs in no apparent order.

-I do not believe that the character we all know (and some of us love) Mai to be, would be a-okay with being forgotten in prison. Because Zuko did **forget her in prison.** Let's not forget that. For Mai to get over that and be all sweetness and light in this scene actually goes against the character that Bryke have established Mai to be previously. I like that Mai. She is a sarcastic, no-nonsense sort of person. I know that she is a bit apathetic – but no one is so apathetic that they don't care when they get forgotten in prison. Seriously now.

Mai's "forgiveness" for that in this chapter (her _it's fine, whatever_) will come up again.

Because it should!

I love Zuko, but he forgot the girl is prison! If that **does not cause issues for their relationship** then I am a monkey's uncle dressed in a Ba Sing Se showgirl outfit.

*Also why does Zuko get with the girl he forgets in prison and not the girl he jumps in front of lightning for?

WTF 2

-I do not believe that Mai's uncle had the power to "pull some strings" and get Mai out of prison without Zuko's knowledge/consent. Or if he has that power, then he most definitely should not! This a **big one** for me. Zuko appears to have no input into Mai's release – but her Uncle _pulled some strings_ and now she is out. WTF! No wonder everything has gone to shit in "the promise." Why is it a bad thing for some prison warden to get "string pull-y" with some of his favourite prisoners and release them? Well just think about who else is in prison **that we would like to stay there?**

Ozai!

Yes! Ozai is in prison – and what this scene tells us, if canon is to be taken at face value – is that **Zuko has very little control over the prison system. **I can see many reasons why this is going to be **a problem** for him as firelord. What if Ozai's warden is fond of him and gets _string pull-y._ Or what about how the firenation is going to deal with and punish all its war criminals (because that would definitely be an issue in the Ba Sing Se peace conference). If Mai's Uncle is allowed to be "string pull-y" it sets such a **dangerous precedent**.

I just can't think of any fanwank around this. I just can't with this whole string pulling.

So I didn't.

In part I explained this in the author's notes in _Not Stalking Zuko_. I said that I would agree that Zuko did forget Mai, until Ty Lee reminded him (because Ty Lee at least would not forget Mai) and it would take Mai a while to get back to the capital from the prison she was moved to (because Azula is not dumb enough to leave Mai at her Uncle's prison. Azula knew how to **handle** string pullers.) Her Uncle's string pulls would relate to transport only, not her release, and so she has arrived in the capital ahead of schedule - to surprise Zuko. I still standby that. However, I do not believe that Mai instantly assumed that she and Zuko were back together (like she does in canon) and this leads me to WTF 3.

WTF 3

-I do not believe that either Mai or Zuko just assumes that they are still together/boyfriend and girlfriend at this point. See aforementioned prison forgetting. But seriously, neither Mai or Zuko is a complete idiot. In the show, they had **real issues** as a couple. Mostly I could narrow their issues down to communication and compatibility (as neither were there).

Zuko and Mai fought and broke up constantly. And I never felt that there was an equal give and take between them. There are only so many times you can break up with someone before it is time to call it quits – and I think this last time, where Zuko broke up with her in a letter, and then broke up with her _again_ at prison was a **pretty big deal** for their relationship – as it should have been.

They were officially broken up for months and months. Why would these two people, who are both possessing functioning brains **just assume** that they were still together after a break up and then months and months of separation – during which they would have both changed. We can see how much Zuko changes over these last episodes and I would expect that Mai's time in prison, would realistically have an altering effect on her personality.

The reason for the fact that they just assume they are together, as quoted to me by some friendly Maikos (bless their cotton socks) is _they had an on again/off again relationship and broke up and got back together all the time. _I respectfully disagree. This does not hold much water with me. Because there is typical on again/off again breaking up – and then there is a break up where one party **leaves and forgets the other** in prison. The last Maiko break-up was the latter.

WTF 4.

-Zuko, Zuko, Zuko what are you doing in this scene? Zuko has almost no say or initiative in this reunion. It is all Mai. And I can't help wondering what he is actually thinking in this scene. The only time he seemed 'in character' to me was when he looked a bit nervous when she was poking him in the chest and threatening him.

Ooh the fact that their "romantic" reunion in canon also came with a **clearly veiled threat** is also something that bothers me. But it does not make me go WTF – so it does not get a WTF point of its own. Mostly because I think that it is an unsurprising thing for Mai to do. _that's how Mai rolls_ (and this skill will serve her well if she were to pursue a career in ...bounty hunting perhaps?) Anyway, this was a rare moment when she was "in-character" (as in loyal to the character she was previously established to be) during this scene and I don't want to take that away from her.

Anyway Zuko has changed so much – I can't help but be a bit uncertain about whether or not he would want to go back with Mai. Zutara possibilities aside, he is a **totally different person** to the angry, lost but determined boy who left the firenation on that war balloon. He is a very different person to who he was when he was with Mai. When he was with Mai –she was his sole emotional support, but now he has experienced deeper friendship and what it feels like to really belong. Why would he want to get back together with Mai and, in essence, go back to the way things were when he was _incandescently angry at himself, lost and confused. _Because that is how he felt **the entire time** he was with her.

In short, I can believe that Maiko could get back together, I have even come up with reasons and fic about why and how they actually would – just so I can explore the Maiko relationship more deeply. However I will never believe that they got back together **like that. **

This scene just does not work for me. What are Bryke trying to say about relationships in it? _The hero gets the girl- so we need to pair these two off __**quickly**__ so the hypotenuse in Aang-Katara-Zuko love triangle is not floating round all single like -_ is the feeling I get.

Because I feel it would have been better for Zuko's character to be single and be able to stand whole and complete and his own two feet. It would have been better for Mai's to swan off into the sunset on the back of June's shirshu. The way they got back together in that scene was just **emotionally unsatisfying** and I felt it was untrue to both characters.

I felt it is more realistic if Mai asked Zuko what he **thinks** about getting back together (because Mai, in my head, is smart enough not to just assume that they are just together) and for Zuko expresses some uncertainty on that score. Then Mai would have urged him to think it over and **played the honour card** (ooh she is a wily one – that Gloomy hairbuns!) Then they would have had a small conversation about the prison-forgetting and a small hug – because they are both glad to see the other person alive and well(-ish) with all their limbs. When all is said and done, I think that they **are still friends** and **they do still care about each other**. They are just not very romantically compatible – which they will rediscover in due course.

Anyway this revised scene is interrupted by Katara, who is most displeased. Mai's look of disdain as she leaves is not because she sees Katara as a romantic rival. But because I imagine, and canon backs me up, that Mai would look at everyone (including Zuko) with at least a small measure of disdain. Mai doesn't have low self esteem – she has low esteem of everyone else.

Anyway Zuko tells Katara what went down with Mai pretty honestly and pretty quickly. Because these two **actually talk to each other** and that always helps with communication. He lets her know that he is sort of maybe, kind of, considering it (because he would think about it).

It's an honour thing.

But he is also testing the water (so to speak) and seeing if Katara would be put out/jealous if that happened and trying to see where she stands – in terms of wanting to pursue a relationship with him. At this point, she hasn't told him about how she's got an apprenticeship and will be staying in the firenation (because that Gloomy Hairbuns is so darn distracting) and not knowing about this means that he is still a bit apprehensive about jumping into something with Katara. It's a self preservation thing in my head canon. Zuko's been left a fair bit, by people who were **very important** to him. If Katara is probably going to leave (and in his mind, she is) he would be very reluctant to make her **more important **than she already is.

Katara does show that she would not be **at all impressed** with this turn of events and he gets a little courage from that and asks her what she really thinks...the hidden question is that he wants to know what she really thinks about the possibility of _them._ He is hoping for some sort of signal from Katara (because he listened to all her rants about how she hates guys just kissing her – and so he is not going to do that). But the pause drags on too long while Katara considers this and he gets nervous and shy and adds the "as a friend" to cover his bases. Katara tells him he should do what he thinks is right and then they get interrupted and the **shenanigans of the day** take up their time.

End result of this is that Zuko will do what he "thinks" is right, not what he "feels" is right and those are two very different things.

So Iroh gets everybody a nice gift –even Sokka! I know it was played for laughs, but that scene in the "Avatar State" where Katara and Aang get great gifts and Sokka gets bugger all – always makes me a bit sad for him. This is part of the reason why Iroh is a bit insistent on not short-changing Sokka in the gift giving and has even resorted to_ borrowing_ from Piandao – to make sure that Sokka knows his efforts are also appreciated. Sokka has told Zuko _all about_ that little rejection from Pakku and Zuko has relayed that to Iroh in their chats about presents. Iroh doesn't want to do that to Sokka, and only give him a book – while everyone else gets _OMG the coolest presents ever! _So he "borrows" the sword from Piandao. I realise that I have now made practically everyone in the royal family indulge in a little "borrowing." Maybe a perhance for petty theft is the one genetic trait they all inherit.

Piandao is going to give Sokka _space sword II_ later and Sokka is going to act suitably elated – but Piandao is going to see through that in a heartbeat – and be all _Damn you Iroh! You and your wily ways._ But He and Sokka will have a nice moment together. Piandao does understand and respect that Iroh doesn't want the non-benders (Sokka and Suki) to feel unappreciated.

Most of Iroh's presents are copies of rare and priceless scrolls. Reason for this is mostly because I think that knowledge and learning is the best gift ever. Also because there are some things that the Gaang needs to learn about. I think that Sozin would have **procured **himself some rare and priceless texts (it's the petty theft gene again!) Mostly he would have seen **knowledge as power** – and better knowledge of other people and their bending styles would have given the firenation a great advantage in the war.

I actually don't think that the firenation would have been into book burning as a whole – and would have kept good records, domestically at least. Even though the firenation part of Wa Shi Tong's library is destroyed by Zhao. I think that wanton destruction of information might just be Zhao thing and also it was a good strategic move – knowledge is power and the destruction of knowledge abroad does put the Gaang at a disadvantage because they have a much harder time figuring out firenation weaknesses.

So over the years the FN has collected a vast array of texts from other countries. They would have pillaged airnomand scrolls from the temples and used this information in their first few years searching for the Avatar. The Kyoshi scrolls come from various colonising attempts in the earthkingdom. The water bending scrolls would have come from a SWT bender who was taken prisoner. Anyway Sozin was a magnificent bastard who understood the power of information. He would have kept and preserved these texts. While they were collected through evil means, these texts can now help incredibly in restoring the nearly lost cultures to the world.

Toph is the only one who does not get a text – instead she gets a Pai sho set made out of different rocks. I think that Toph's bendy-sense would help her "see" a tile made out of different rocks better.

Iroh gives Aang the next set of robes in the Air nomads Heirachy, mostly because _I have always wondered where he got those robes he wears to the ceremony from_. Iroh giving them to Aang made a great deal of sense to me.

In my head-canon, the airnomad philosophy is very similar to Buddhism. I think we are meant to make this connection. Tenzin and Gyatso are the names of the two most prominent airbenders in canon – aside from Yang Chen. **Tenzin Gyasto **is the religious name of current Dalai Lama. I see what Bryke did there. So I explore a bit of Aang's belief system in this chapter, and I have used a bit what I know of Nepalese Buddhism to make a more complete picture for myself. But if I am wrong about any of the following, please correct me.

Anyway, the robes that Iroh gives Aang is the robes for the next level in the order – the Samanera robes. In our world, Neophyte Monks normally take the Samanera vow when they reach 14 – so Aang is a bit younger than that. But Iroh thinks he has grown enough to have earned the robes. Ooh, if you were curious, next in line is the Bhikku vows, and they are never taken before a Samanera has reached the age of 20 – as they still lack maturity until that point. These vows are to be taken when the Samanera feels that they are "ready".

Anyway Iroh, both as an allround decent guy and a member of the white lotus – feels the loss of the Airnomad culture deeply and he knows that it was his nation – hell, his family's- fault that these gentle people and their culture is almost gone. He is going to try and help Aang preserve Airnomad culture and philosophy – as much as he can. Because I think that Aang will need some help on that front from a more mature/older source who would be able to offer practical help.

Also, now that the war is over, Aang will start to process what it means to be the "Last Airbender." Because I felt like he didn't really ever properly do that in canon (and maybe this is a good thing because otherwise the story would have been much darker). But anyway Aang gets a first inkling of that in this chapter when he realises that though he has been given the Samanera robes – there is now no one left who can officially ordain him and say the rites over him.

He chooses Katara – because the person who says the Samanera has to be older and wiser – and Aang still idolises Katara and she is older and wiser. _The Live in Joy affirmation_ that Katara says is not the Samanera vows. It is an old mantra that I saw on my travels and liked. It also fits what I see as Aang's journey. Aang needs to find and understand what gives him deep fulfilment and joy– as opposed to fleeting elation. And I would hope that with time and a few hard lessons and bit of character growth, Aang would discover that true commitment to his Avatar duties, even the less glamorous duties, (as opposed to the fulfilment of his own desires) was what gave him joy.

Anyway I thought Katara was the person that Aang would want to ordain him – because she is his favourite person and in many ways he constantly wants her attention and approval. In Airnomad philosophy – ordaining someone is giving them a _cosmic thumbs up. _It is a big tick of approval. Aang is also very pleased to share this part of his culture with her.

Katara is exceptionally motherly in this sequence. Currently Aang has really backed off in the romance department and their relationship has resumed its previous warmth and parent/child overtones. I read this great essay about the parent/child relationship of Aang and how Katara finding him in the iceberg was symbolic of her giving birth to him – taking over the parental responsibility of Aang from Gyatso. Anyway I do think that at its core, the Katara and Aang bond was very warm and loving and parental in nature. Aang's romance designs on Katara threw a big spanner in the works for a period of time there, but now Katara thinks that they are** over** that little hurdle and has resumed being motherly and fussing over him.

Aside from motherly, parent/child overtones, another small problem I have with Kataang is that in a monogamous Kataang relationship preserving Aang's Airnomand culture will take precedence over preserving Katara's heritage as the last of the Southern Waterbenders. Aang would not do this or demand this intentionally, but repopulating preserving his people's culture is going to be a top priority for him and Katara is always willing to put her needs secondary to Aang's. I can just see it happening that way.

In a relationship with Zuko, I think she would have more scope to preserve her culture– despite being in the firenation for most of the year. Simply because preserving the Southern Style bending technique would not have to compete against preserving an entire culture of Airnomads. Let's face it, the Firenation **did a doozy** on the SWT too. Zuko knows this and like his Uncle, he wants to help repair the devastation left by 100 years of firenation war. Helping Katara restore Southern Style to her tribe would be helping preserve a fightning style and culture that was previously thought lost forever. Also the firenation culture ain't going nowhere (and has in fact been spread to a lot of places it is not, strictly speaking, meant to be) and so there would not be that same element of another culture's preservation taking precedence over another – which would happen when you pair up two people like Aang and Katara, who are both considered the "last" of their kind.

Katara gets Southern Style specific waterbending scrolls in this chapter to help her further to this end – and you only have to watch the episode with Hama and see how eager Katara was to learn from her and preserve her culture (she says it would mean_ everything_ to her) to know how important this would be to Katara.

Also Katara being given waterbending scrolls that she doesn't have to steal from pirates is a little nod to the _Waterbending scroll –_**the episode that launched a thousand shippers and burnt the topless towers of illogical canon pairings.** * Zuko is taking the piss out of her a little bit – because Katara does tease him a lot and he is starting to feel confident enough to tease her back a little, because Katara does have a bit of teasing coming her way to begin with. But mostly because I want their relationship to have a give and take in all things – even in the friendly teasing.

*deepest apologies to Christopher Marlowe for bastardising lines from his plays.

Also this chapter looked at Zuko and Iroh's relationship – and how it is also very parental in nature. (Zuko had his "Dad" help him get ready to face the coronation and Aang had his "Mum"). Iroh is always trying to get Zuko to smile and take it easy and to take himself less seriously – and so his "coupons" are a little joke gift to that end. I do think that Iroh is a **big fan** of coupons and he hand-made that one that Zuko gives to Jin on their date. Also advice from Iroh is probably the thing that Zuko needs the most – especially _love advice_ at this particular point in time – and Oh, Iroh is going to lament that his nephew didn't cash his love advice coupon in sooner.

But Iroh's real gift is much more personal in nature and while he is a bit of an exhibitionist in other things – he didn't feel comfortable giving it to Zuko in front of an audience. I think that anything Lu Ten related is always going to be a source of mutual sorrow and mutual bonding for Iroh and Zuko. When they lost lost Lu Ten – though he meant different things to both of them – they both lost a firm concept of "the future" and how it was meant to be, because in many ways Lu Ten embodied "the future" for both of them.

Anyway this act of giving Zuko Lu Ten's swords is highly symbolic and also highly personal. That is why Iroh took Zuko aside to do it. I think that they are both very private people when it comes to showing real and deep sorrow. I also wanted to note how much more emotionally demonstrative Zuko and Iroh have become with each other over the course of the series.

I do think that firenation people would culturally be a bit less prone to being emotionally and affectionately demonstrative. They are a _stiff upper lip_ and _keep calm and carry on_ culture after all. (Ty Lee is an exception to this, but then I think she would be an exception to this wherever she was.) Zuko and Iroh are not very affectionate with each other at all in season one. That hug at the end of season 1 – in _siege of the north_ was a **massive deal** for both of them. I get the feeling that while there was a lot of love between them, there was very rarely any emotional or physical affection shown – and when it was shown – it was a Big Deal.

They have both grown over the series and are now at a place where they are more comfortable expressing affection for each other. Zuko has been hanging around a lot of huggers lately, after all, and some of that has rubbed off. He's grown a lot and he'd not as prickly as he was at the start of the show.

With Iroh - I think that Toph figured out Iroh within the space of an hour – when she said that _maybe Iroh should tell Zuko how much he needs him too_. Iroh doesn't really express a need for Zuko in the series – he frequently acknowledges and makes plain how much Zuko needs him. In the early parts of the series, it seems like Zuko is quietly overwhelmed with happiness whenever Iroh expressed pride in him as a person or need for him as an individual – but Iroh rarely does this.

I think in some ways, Iroh tried to close that "father" part of his heart off, after he lost Lu Ten. At the start he would have had a bit of a hard time expressing what he associates with being true "fatherly" sentiments towards Zuko. I'm not talking about the day to day, parental nagging – but pride and unfailing love.

But Zuko pretty much becomes Iroh's entire family, and helping him is Iroh's entire purpose in life and Iroh comes to need him on such a fundamental level anyway, despite himself. Over the course of these last few chapters, Iroh and Zuko have gotten better at acknowledging their feelings, and being demonstrative with each other and communicating better. They have grown closer than they have ever been. And in this chapter they are able to acknowledge what had been there for the longest time – that they do see each other as father and son. Bless their cotton socks.

*They are also both seeing Toph as a sister/daughter – and the feeling is mutual. This will come up and be of importance in later chapters.

Iroh also acknowledges Katara's heroism – because I really wanted someone in the old guard to let her know how awesome she was. It bothers me a bit that Sokka and Katara don't have statues about them in legend of Korra. It's such a little thing – but still. Katara and Sokka are amazing heroes, but they often get overshadowed by the others, especially Aang (once again, not his fault – but as the Avatar he is always getting kudos). Katara, especially, is the one who set the action in motion for the whole series when she busted Aang out of the iceberg – she should have a statue in her own right.

On a more personal level for Iroh, he knows quite plainly, that Zuko would have died if not for Katara. He is always going to be grateful to her for her actions in that Agni Kai. Also he knows how much difficultly she has been having with her tribe and how much their lack of recognition of her heroic status bothers her. He knows this because Katara told Zuko and Zuko told Iroh. Because it would bother him too, and though he doesn't notice it, he does mention Katara an awful lot when he is chatting with his Uncle (and he would have no idea about how lovesick and infatuated he sounds).

He tells Iroh about how awesome she is, how funny she is, how she said this thing the other day and she is sooo right. And Iroh would smile and nod knowingly. But when Zuko told Iroh how much the way Katara's tribe treated her pissed him off – but he didn't know what he could do/say about it without sounding like a Judging-McJudgy-pants. Iroh would have advised him to avoid sounding like Judging-McJudgy-pants and just support Katara as best he could. But he would have filed that tidbit away as something to address later with Katara, when she's on her own. He tells her that he considers her the real hero of the war in this chapter, and Katara takes a great deal of joy and validation in that.

And they have a nice moment, bless their cotton socks.

Iroh is a big shipper on deck – but I think he would also genuinely like and admire Katara as a person and would want to make her feel better and give her a bit of the recognition he thinks that she deserves. Also they are both such proud parents/not-girlfriends today and I can see them bonding over the mutual pride that they feel in Zuko and Aang.

I have also elaborated on the coronation scene a fair bit in this chapter. Mostly because it felt just a bit too short in the show for me. Since I have last posted, it has been the **Queen's diamond Jubilee** – 60 years on the throne! Anyway I have seen a lot about her coronation recently and what a big extravaganza it was and it had inspired me a bit for these coming chapters.

There are usually vows of some sort when a leader takes the throne. This happens across cultures. People like their leaders to promise that they will at least **try and be good** at their jobs. I don't think that the firenation was any different. I think that Ozai and Azula did not wish to recite the vows and used their ability to **scare the shit out of people** to have the ceremony tailored to their specifications. But Zuko would want his coronation to be as official and proper as possible and so we get to see the ceremony in full. Some of his vows are based on the British Coronation vows and some are actually from my teaching social justice handbook and some are from my imagination. So we get a bit of ceremony soup – but I hope it was easy to follow. The firesage says vows that are firenation specific and Aang says vows that are more universally applicable.

I actually think that after a little bit of adjustment time, Zuko would end up proving himself to his nation and becoming one of their beloved monarchs and this coronation (in all its ensuing ridiculousness)would be looked back upon with rose tinted glasses as the start of a golden age. But that will be much later – right now, we have a coronation feast and ridiculousness to enjoy.

Next chapters, there will be a feast and accompanying shenanigans. Old friends will be met, love will be thwarted, love will be found, booze will be in easy supply, Mai will get drunk and express herself, much to Zuko's dismay (be careful what you wish for buddy – you always wanted her to express herself more) and Iroh will sing the hedgehog song. And much fun will be had by all.

Til then lovely readers...


	5. Auspicious occassion: Tolerance

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The auspicious occasion of Zuko's coronation

Part 2 – tolerance

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The party quickly got into full-swing. We met a veritable sea of people and there was much bowing and polite laughing – all the sorts of things that happen when you meet a room full of strangers. Everyone one was dressed up super-fancy. Iroh had done a great job and there were colourful lanterns and streamers everywhere. There was a big table piled high with food. Waiters which were constantly circulating with canapes and drinks. There was also a drinks table that was constantly swamped by the firenation nobles. Couches and chairs had been arranged "artfully" around the ballroom, on the edges and in small clusters, allowing places for people to sit but also enough room for everyone to mingle. In the centre was a slightly raised up space that was meant to be a stage – though Aang viewed it as a potential dancefloor. The doors on the west side all opened up into the palace gardens (which had also been festively decorated). There was also a band playing "mood" music, while people milled about and mingled.

Iroh pulled Zuko and Aang away early in the piece to "meet" people and do official firelord and avatar things. Suki's warriors took it in turns to go home and change out of their warrior outfits and into their party dresses (so they didn't stick out like sore thumbs.) Suki and I were the last to change – we left to go get ready together. This left Sokka and Toph temporarily unsupervised. This was a mistake.

When Suki and I came back, Sokka was chatting to a group of firenation noblewomen in fancy dresses. He had obviously been laying on the charm thick because they well all cooing over him and giggling. He saw me and Suki and excused himself from his lady friends – who all, inexplicably, gave him a few gold coins. Sokka, equally mystifyingly said _thanks for that, I'll put in a good word for you with my brother_. He wandered over. Suki and I were giving him identical confused/vaguely disapproving glances and his expression turned worried. Suki held up one hand and said _explain. _

Sokka told us that Zuko and Aang had come over a short while ago, while we were getting changed, when they had a brief break between duties. Aang was loving meeting everyone and had charmed the pants off most of the nobles he met (not literally of course). Zuko was hating the insincere flattery and the arse-kissing that he was getting from everyone. He had just wanted to spend a few minutes with someone who would be honest if they thought he was being an idiot. Sokka had obliged.

During the course of the conversation Sokka had called Zuko 'bro' a few times, which is one of his normal terms of endearment for Zuko. It's common in the watertribes for dudes to call each other bro. It is not at all common in the firenation and baffled Zuko a bit when Sokka first started calling him bro. Unbeknownst to Sokka, some ladies had been following Zuko around and eavesdropping on his conversations. (I just knew this would happen! that is so sneaky!) After Zuko and Aang had to leave again, the ladies wandered over to chat to Sokka. One of them had stupidly asked if Sokka was actually the firelord's brother.

Anyway, long story short: firenation noblewomen are **extremely gullible.**

Sokka ended up weaving this whole, dramatic tale about how they were half-brothers and he was some sort of mysterious royal by-blow. He also told them that in the watertribes, it was customary to give royal bastard children two gold pieces whenever you see them. For three gold pieces, Sokka said he'd put in a good word for the ladies with 'his brother' Zuko. All the ladies in question had romantic designs on Zuko, now that he was firelord (I felt a wave of irritation at all of those ladies). Sokka has many ill-gotten gold pieces and is feeling very pleased with himself at this point in time. I was about to get stroppy and give him a scold, when I heard the unmistakable sound of boulders crashing and the cheers of an excited crowd coming from outside.

Toph.

Toph had also gotten herself into a slight bit of mischief. She was having a **small rumble** in the gardens with The Boulder. Hippo was refereeing the event. Toph had found the Boulder, challenged him and he had accepted. they had proceeded to the large open area of the garden that was apparently used for komodo rhino polo. I guess I should be thankful that she chose a location away from the hedge sculptures, the lantern tree, fountain and the rose garden. Many Earthkingdom dudes (Haru and his Dad amongst them) had circled the fight and had been chanting and betting. This had attracted the attention of my tribe and various firenation guys. And now it was just a big messy circle of **meathead dudes** cheering while **two other meatheads** threw rocks at each other.

Toph was_ loving_ it.

I think she sensed me and Sokka and Suki in the crowd. Either that or she could have heard Sokka loudly cheering for her. She nodded in our direction and finished the fight quickly. She made the earth under The Boulder's foot move -so he ended up in the splits. The Boulder did not like that and forfeited. There was much cheering and exchanging of money between the menfolk at the close of the fight. Toph parted her way **forcefully** through the crowd to make her way over to us. She was dirty but looking very happy with herself.

Sokka was very enthusiastic regarding Toph's victory and told her _that was awesome! _This earned him a look from me. This was not the right thing to say. We shouldn't be encouraging this. They have both received a small joint scolding from me. We were going to try and** behave ourselves** at this thing! Now she was rumbling and Sokka was scamming and neither of those things classified as "well behaved".

We were suddenly interrupted by a cough and a hesitant voice saying _Toph is that you? _The voice came from behind Suki and she moved aside to reveal Rozin – the boy who kissed Toph back on Ember Island. Toph recognised his voice straight away. She blushed a brilliant scarlet colour and practically _squeaked Rozin? _Rozin looked a little relieved that she remembered him and said _yeah, it's me._ Then he looked at the ground and said _I saw you fighting. _ Toph looked down too. He's seen her earthbend, so he knew that she'd all been lying flagrantly through her teeth back on Ember Island.

Sokka and Suki and I moved back a little to give them more space. Toph started to say that she was sorry she had lied to him, but Rozin cut her off and said that he has just wanted to say that she had been **brilliant **actually. The way she made that giant guy trip over his own feet was brilliant. Toph, in a very unToph like behaviour, smiled and looked down demurely and said _really? _Rozin said _really. _And they smiled at eachother.

I heard an_ aaaaawww_ from behind me and saw Rena and Rei wandering over. Rena was the one who said _aw _loudly. She chose to also add _it looks like Rozin's found his cute __**girlfriend**__ again._ Just to make everything a bit awkward. Rozin blushed and told her to _shuddup._ Rei elbowed her. She shrugged and said _what? it's cute? Look at them! They're so cute._ Toph and Rozin both bristled at being called cute repeatedly. The earth moved slightly under Rena's feet and she fell **flat on her arse.** Toph snicked to herself. Rozin clued in quickly on what she had done and joined her in the snickering. Rena was a little tipsy and struggled a bit to right herself. Rei had to help her up.

Toph turned to him and asked if he really wasn't mad about her lying to him. Rozin shrugged and said it was no big deal to him. Rei had told him that there had to be more to Toph than she was letting on because seeing with a sonic wave was a scientific impossibility unless you were a porpoise-dolphin. But he figured she'd been lying for a good reason. And then she smiled and he smiled and I had to agree with Rena. It was all **too cute.**

Toph offered that even though sonic wave sight might be a scientific impossibility – they could still go off... _far away_ _from us_ and test it out again – just to be sure. Rozin was very keen on the idea and he said _yeah, let's go. _He grabbed her hand and they scampered off. Suki, Rena and I all chorused _aaawwww._ Rena sighed happily and took a big swig from some bottle she procured from her handbag and waved it at their departing figures before saying _oh that is just darling! He's been talking about that girl non-stop since the volcano day._

I'll admit that, at first, I was torn between the urge to hold Toph back and scold her regarding sonic waves – and the urge to just pinch her cheeks and ruffle her hair and, in general, be a very embarrassing person for her. Then I figured she wasn't really going to do sonic wave, she just wanted to get away from the rest of us and our _awws_ and _they're so cutes._ After all, there is nothing more awkward than trying to flirt with someone and having their sisters/friends make a running commentary on the whole thing.

We said hello properly to the girls again and Rena grabbed us some drinks from a passing waiter and said _so are all of you earthbenders or just Toph?_ with an sly tone of voice. Suki said that she and Sokka were non-benders, and I was a waterbender – by way of explanation. There didn't seem to be much point in keeping up our lie. Rei (who seemed much less withdrawn than when we had last met her) shrugged and said _we figured there was something up with you guys, but we couldn't figure out just what._ Rena agreed and said that the first thing that gave it away was our insistence that we were all cousins – when there was nobody on earth **dumb enough** to believe that.

Rei was craning her neck and asked, in a lame attempt at a casual sounding tone of voice, _is Zuko around? _I felt a familiar surge of irritation towards her. Rena piped up and wanted to know how our feisty poff cousin was _taking it?_ Were we all _giving him heaps?_ She remarked that it was a sad day for every Zuko in the firenation. Sokka, Suki and I were all confused by this pronouncement.

Rena explained that when someone famous had the same name as you, it really sucked. Especially if that person was a dickhead or wrote crap songs or whatever. You'd get teased about everything they did. It would really suck for all the Zukos out there. She said _Every time our illustrious new firelord screws up – your poff cousin is going to get the mickey taken out of him big time!_ Rei piped up that Rena was still cranky about how much every one teased her about the _screaming Renas _back home_._ But it might not be the same for all the Zukos out there.

The screaming Renas?

Rei supplied _they're a new band – they complain about everything and make a lot of noise – we thought it was apt._ Rena told her to _shuddup._ She turned back to us and asked us why we were all here. Sokka shrugged and said _the coronation feast. _Rena said that was what they were here for too. Free food and booze. Their winery had supplied most of the wine for this party and her grandpa had wangled everybody invitations so that they could see how "proper society" function. Also Grandpa wanted his old job back and so he had come to kiss the new firelord's arse.

At that point the new firelord came over and gave Rena the fright of her life.

Zuko wandered over with Aang. I could hear Aang's approach from a long way away. Aang was going on about how nice the party was and how nice everyone was and how he was going to try and turn this party into a dance party later – because according to Aang, nearly everything could be fixed with dance. Zuko sighed in a resigned tone (I have the feeling he had previously argued against the dance-fixes-everything-mentality and had now run out of arguments). He said _fine, dance it up Aang – but just wait until after my Uncle's speech._ Aang said _yay_ and was most enthusiastic for the dancing to begin. Zuko huffed. Aang asked, trying to sound nonchalant,_ hey Zuko, do you think Ty Lee will want to dance with me?_ Zuko replied that she might, if Aang **asked her nicely,** in a non-committal tone of voice.

They joined us. Zuko and Aang said hi to the colonials. Rena took a big step back and said _oh holy fuck! _as soon as she saw the firelord headpiece in Zuko's hair. Zuko was a bit taken aback to be greeted in such a manner. Rena pointed at him and said _you're the new firelord! _with a great deal of surprise and accusation. Zuko said that he was. Rena started rambling off apologies _Oh shit! Well...err... sorry about all the times I called you an arseface and a jerkarse._ Zuko said _what?_ with a great deal of confusion at the cascade of apologies from one of the least apologetic people I know.

Rena wailed _just don't remilitarise oyster bay colony! _desperately. At that point Rei bopped her over the head and admonished _He's not going to invade the colonies __**you drunk wench.**_This seemed to mollify Rena – she calmed down and looked to Zuko for confirmation. Zuko said she didn't need to worry. Oyster Bay would be left alone. But he still seemed quite baffled over the whole exchange.

Zuko gave Rena one last confused glance and turned to Rei and asked her how her firebending was going. She said she was doing much better and her grandpa had been showing her lots of stuff. She could now do the sparkle dragon! Her grandpa said it was a good party trick. She seemed to be angling for an invitation to do a demonstration – which we all provided. She did a little dragon for us. We all clapped.

After her little sparkle dragon trick – she turned and looked to Zuko for approval. He said that she had done well and she smiled. The wave of irritation was back. I mean, there's nothing wrong with Zuko complimenting other girls, obviously. And he did teach Rei the basics of firebending – and so there is that to consider. But she was just blatantly showing off for him! She wasn't even being **subtle** about it.

Aang, who had been craning his neck since he joined us, asked us where Toph had got to. I told him that she had gone off with her friend Rozin. Aang's face fell into a grumpy expression for a split second. Then he announced that he was just going to look for her – to see if she needed anything and dashed off before I could stop him.

Rei asked Zuko how being firelord was going. He shrugged and said it had been fine for the last few hours or so. He was just sick of having to make polite small talk with noblemen and politicians. That wasn't much fun. Rena proffered the flask from her bag and waggled it at Zuko as a peace offering gesture. He asked _what's this?_ in a sceptical tone of voice. She said it was _liquid fun._ Zuko waved her off and said_ I think I need the real kind...but thanks anyway._

He added that he was trying to keep a clear head for the first part of the night anyway. He didn't want to spend his first day as firelord getting terribly drunk and making a berk of himself . Sokka clapped him on the back and said _besides you already make a berk of yourself without the drunk part anyway. _

_-o-_

Sometime later Ty Lee bounced over to Suki with Hatsu trailing behind her. She flung herself at Suki for a hug and then asked if they could 'borrow' Sokka for a few moments. Hatsu needed to practice saying _naked _to a boy without blushing. Hatsu blushed just when Ty Lee just said _naked._ Suki declined to lend Sokka. In fact, she choose this moment to abscond with him in the direction of the Rose garden – to remove him a safe distance away from whatever mad plan Ty Lee had for him.

Rei and Rena looked at Ty Lee like she was the weirdest person in the world. Zuko introduced her and said _Rei, Rena – this is my friend Ty Lee... You get used to her._ Ty Lee turned to them and said it was very nice to meet them. Then she looked Rena up and down and told her that her aura was orange - but it was a bit more squibbly...Ty Lee gasped and asked in a low whisper _are you drunk already?_

Rena waggled her flask and corrected Ty Lee and said that she was only a _little merry_ – that was all. And she always found that a _little liquid confidence _helped make these snotty parties more fun! Ty Lee agreed that liquid confidence was a **must **for these occasions – and they smiled at each other in mutual understanding**.** Ty Lee asked if she could borrow the flask – Rena handed it over. Ty Lee took a swig and gave it to Hatsu, who followed suit – then she handed it back to Rena.

Ty Lee urged Hatsu to _say naked now!_ Hatsu still couldn't say it without blushing. Rena recommended another sip and held out her flask again – then seemed to pause halfway through and said _why are we trying to get her to say naked without blushing? _ Ty Lee explained her theory: randomly saying naked/pretending to be bisexual = irresistible flirting for almost any man. Rena agreed that Ty Lee's theory was sound but wished to add to it. She said that she'd always found just standing with straight posture and sticking her chest out also had a similar effect. Ty Lee nodded and said, in a voice as serious as if she was discussing the next scientific discovery, _yes..I could see how that could help._

Rena asked what Ty Lee did about **naked-brain reflex.** Ty Lee had not heard of this phenomenon before. Neither had any of us – all of our attention was sparked. Tragically. This is one of those things that you can't ever un-know.

Now that I know it – it will always be stuck in my head.

Rena explained that in her experience if you say anyone's name and the word naked straight afterwards – people cannot help but think of that person naked. It is an automatic brain reflex. People literally cannot help themselves. If she said **no one think about me naked** – she knew that all of us would be thinking about her naked. My brain, instantly and terribly, flashed on the image of Rena naked.

Boo! All the boos in the world!

Damnit! She was right. I literally couldn't help myself. The image just appeared in my brain. I tried to replace it with a better image and just ended up thinking about Zuko naked instead. And for a short period of time I just had **naked on the brain.** I almost missed Rena's next point. What if the power of the word _naked_ accidentally hit the wrong person? What if Ty Lee was flirting with one person and saying naked pretty loudly and some other random dude overheard- flashed on the image of Ty Lee naked and got a bit too interested in her?

Haru, poor Haru – chose this ill fated moment to come over and say hello to me. He had not seen me properly in ages and wanted to find out what I had been up to in the firenation. This was very sweet. I've always thought Haru was a sweet guy. Unfortunately he chose the** wrong** moment to come sauntering over. He did not realise that he was walking to a group with _two mad girls_ who were talking about the pros and cons of _saying naked_ repeatedly. I wish that there was a proper warning system for this sort of thing. I wish there had been some way for me to mentally communicate _run away! _

Alas it was not to be!

Haru joined us and introductions were made. Ty Lee fell upon him with her usual subtly and said _hey cutie. _She called Haru _cutie, _like it was his actual name. Ty Lee proceeded to tell us that she felt so _'naked'_ without the Kyoshi warrior uniform. Rena said that she felt so _'naked'_ in the firenation in general – because it was so warm here and everyone wore less clothes and so it wouldn't take much to get _naked _– should anyone want to get _naked_. Hatsu stood between them blushing furiously. Haru looked plain old bamboozled.

To save him from the situation, I suggested that he could go get us some drinks and come back. This was to give him an easy out – but he asked politely what everyone wanted. Rena suggested that he bring back one of the bottles of the clean-skin wine from the drinks table. They were actually for later in the evening, but she knew it was the best wine. Also the bottle looked so _naked _without a label. Ty Lee chimed in and said _but I like naked wine. Naked is good. _

Haru looked absolutely gobsmacked by all the gratuitous mentions of nudity and seemed rooted to the spot. Hatsu offered that she could help him carry the glasses – which seemed to snap him out of it. I think Hatsu was also looking for an escape from the naked twins – because she was blushing a fierce scarlet colour. They walked off together towards the drinks table.

As soon as they were out of earshot. Ty Lee gave a happy squeal and bounced joyfully at her 'success'. She had promised Hatsu she'd help her pull tonight – and now Hatsu had gone off with the sexiest guy who had the cutest moustache and it was all because of Ty Lee's frequent use of the word naked. (In a weird way, this is true – she made both Hatsu and Haru want to run away from her with her frequent use of the word _naked_). Zuko shook his head a little and said_ Agni, this has been a worrying insight into your psyche _in response to Ty Lee's happy bouncing. Rena said that he wasn't in any position to judge – what with his **pre-occupation with threesomes and everything.**

Zuko and I almost simultaneous spat our drinks everywhere. Zuko was pretty blunt and asked _what the fuck is that supposed to mean? _Rena explained that she had seen _boy in the iceberg_ twice because there was nothing else to do on Ember Island. She had now figured out that **the play was about us** and so she knew **all about** Zuko's kinky, threesome-loving ways.

Zuko looked completely aghast and explained that it was _just a stupid play_ and _it wasn't real_ and surely no one actually thought that he was really a _threesome loving pervert_. Rena shrugged indifferently and said that she wouldn't be so sure – if she were Zuko. She had overheard three girls in the bathroom talking about how they were going to get drunk and corner the new firelord and offer to help him get his reign started with a **bang!** Apparently he can have whichever two of them he fancied. Zuko looked about as** horrified** as I felt. He announced _that's it! I'm going to ban that stupid play. It will be my first official act as firelord. I can't have everyone thinking I'm some kind of pervert. _Rena shrugged again and said it was probably **too late. **She raised her glass at him and said _your sexual prowess has reached urban legend status now._

Zuko looked absolutely appalled and I knew he was starting to catastrophise in his head. Rena also noticed his dismayed facial expression and told him to keep his hair on. If he didn't want to shag them he could just say he was into five-somes now and they were two girls short. This terrible advice seemed to shake Zuko out of his silent horrified shock. He said crankily _I don't think that would help my situation – also they'd only be one girl short. _Rena smiled cheekily and remarked that he had been thinking about it then. Zuko got really stroppy and almost shouted that he **wasn't thinking about it** – it was just basic mathematics!

I took him arm, said _excuse us_ to Ty Lee and Rena and pulled him with me into jasmine garden. There weren't many people here right now – so it would be a more private place for him to have himself _a small freakout_. I had sensed correctly that one was in the works.

-o-

Zuko was just beside himself.

He exclaimed a great deal about how this was **so bad!** And he couldn't believe **how bad this was!** This was **just really friggin bad!** He was getting a bit worked up and so I tried to calm him down and told him to take some deep breaths. He did so. I tried to say that it wouldn't be so bad. But he pointed out how **terrible **that play had **actually been**. Would I like people to just assume I was as big a floozy as stage!me was? Good point. Zuko said that if people were thinking he was like his stage!counterpart then no one would **ever **take him seriously. How could anyone take him seriously if they thought he was a **whore for cabbages** who was _prone to threesomes. _

I took him by the shoulders and gave him a little shake and told him to calm down again. This seemed to work somewhat because he abruptly stopped his torrent of _woe-is-me-everyone-thinks-I'm-a-cabbage-trollop _panic. I reassured him that people would realise the sort of person Zuko was when they met him. Most of them would realise the play was fictional after all and Rena was just a bit drunk and a bit of an idiot and he shouldn't take her teasing seriously. We had just watched her and Ty Lee say _naked _like **eighteen times in a row** – so how seriously did he want to take her comments?

He nodded and then smiled at me slightly. He took a deep breath and seemed to collect himself and said _you're right. Of course you're right._ Oh how I love to hear those words! He was still looked a bit worried and so I gave his shoulders a little soothing squeeze.

Iroh came over looking for Zuko, because he had to resume his firelordly party duties. I dropped his shoulders and stepped back abruptly at the interruption. Iroh took one look at Zuko's face and realised he was a bit worried about something. Iroh clapped him on the back and said _what's the problem now nephew? _Zuko turned to him and shrugged and said _oh nothing much - just that everyone here thinks I'm a giant sexual deviant who's into threesomes._ Iroh nodded sagely and said that he had a similar problem when he was Zuko's age. Zuko asked, genuinely curious, what his Uncle had done about that. Iroh flashed him the cheekiest grin and joked _I continued to sleep with A LOT of people._

This did not have the cheering effect that Iroh thought it would.

-o-

After Iroh and Zuko left, I went to the toilet. Champagne really goes straight through me. Can I just say that you overheard the most unusual stuff in the ladies bathroom? I didn't mean to overhear this conversation – but overheard it I have. It's not eavesdropping when it is a complete accident. How could I have known that Gloomy friggin Hairbuns and her mother would come and fuss about in this bathroom. I recognise Gloomy Hairbuns's annoying, whiny mono-tone voice anywhere.

I was in the big bathroom off the ballroom. It had many stalls and big mirrors and nice lighting. The big mirrors and the nice lighting were why Gloomy's mother had dragged her in here. Gloomy's mother is not at all gloomy (perhaps she gets it from her father?) but was most insistent that Gloomy 'look her best.' She made Gloomy Hairbuns sit down and proceeded to fuss with her hair. Gloomy Hairbuns was protesting in a whiny tone that her hair was fine.

Mama Gloomy said indulgently _Yes darling, __**now **__it looks lovely._ Then she noticed that Gloomy Hairbuns had smudged her eyeliner and that really needed to be fixed up. It sounded like Gloomy Hairbuns squirmed and protested again. Eventually she said _Mum just stop! Zuko's not going to care about how I look._ At the mention of Zuko, my interest was piqued and I stayed to eavesdrop.

Mama Gloomy tutted that **she cared** how Gloomy Hairbuns looked. Gloomy Hairbuns was _so pretty _when she let the world see her face properly. They had a reputation to rebuild as a family. They had an image to uphold and looks were important. They had to make a positive impression on everyone today – after spending so long in prison. And maybe Mama Gloomy did want Gloomy Hairbuns to look pretty for when Zuko took her back – but that is what any mother would want.

I have a feeling Mama Gloomy is going to be rather disappointed.

Gloomy hairbuns huffed _**He's**__ not going to take __**me**__ back. I'm going to remind him about what an arse he is. He's going to apologise for being an arse profusely... and then__** I**__ am going to take __**him**__ back._ I could practically hear the shrug in Mama Gloomy's voice as she responded with _Either way dear. _ Mama Gloomy didn't care who took who back – as long as they made up.

Gloomy Hairbuns drawled that she didn't understand why her mother wanted her to get back with Zuko so much. Gloomy remembered everything her mother had said about Zuko in prison after all. Mama Gloomy said that perhaps Gloomy Hairbuns had taken her meaning out of context. Gloomy said incredulously _Out of context? That's what your going with? _She gave a little mirthless chuckle (I don't think that Gloomy Hairbuns can actually laugh). Gloomy Hairbuns reminded Mama Gloomy that she had called Zuko a traitorous, impetuous moron. Gloomy Hairuns got a bit more accusatory and said _you said I had thrown my future away on a boy who was **stupider than two short planks** that were made out of **stupid** and glued together with **stupid glue. **_

Mama gloomy tittered and said that Gloomy Hairbuns still had a lot to learn about society. Mama Gloomy's opinion of Zuko had undergone a **drastic alteration** upon his ascension to the position of firelord. Mama Gloomy also didn't understand why Gloomy Hairbuns was being so difficult. Gloomy Hairbuns should just go out there and find Zuko and... Gloomy Hairbuns cut her mother off and said that Zuko would have to come to her. She wasn't going to look for him. She was planning on just reading her book until he found her.

Mama Gloomy exclaimed _Oh darling you didn't bring a book to this! _ with as much drama and disappointment as would accompany a pronouncement from Gloomy Hairbuns that she had decided to go into a homicidal rage between the canapés. Gloomy said in her same bored monotone_ Why do you sound so scandalised? You know I hate these pointless soirees. They are so dull and bourgeois. _Mama Gloomy said that if Gloomy Hairbuns never did anything but sit and read at important social events, she would never make **"the right impression"** on the people around her. Gloomy said (with a twinge of mirth in her flat monotone) _I can only hope. _Mama Gloomy gasped theatrically as they departed.

-0-

I left a few minutes after Gloomy and her mother and I went looking for people I knew. Bato and my Dad were talking seriously while eating a vast array of dainty pastries from the passing waiters. From the looks of their faces, that was not a conversation I wanted to interrupt. I saw Sokka and Suki giggling and swatting each other in a corner. I didn't want to interrupt that either. I went back outside. Toph and Rozin and Aang were playing some elaborate game of skipping stones while she periodically sent the Hippo off to get snacks. Rozin was looking adoringly at Toph and laughing whenever she opened her mouth. Aang was occasionally shooting daggers at Rozin and constantly looking at him in a wary manner. A few times he put a friendly arm around Toph's shoulders – which she always promptly shrugged off before giving Aang a friendly punch. She remained blissfully oblivious to all the looks passing over her and around her and appeared to be winning their game. I decided not to interrupt the three of them either.

Ty Lee came bounding over to me. Rena in tow. They had gotten a bottle each of the clearskin wine and both seemed rather merry. They were most keen to talk to me. Apparently Ty Lee had a question for me. A question which she had a hard time spitting out – and which Rena constantly encouraged her to ask me. I could see they were both a little too drunk for this time in the afternoon and I stopped their shenanigans, said they could ask me whatever question it was later and made them come inside with me and eat some canapés. Something in their stomachs would help them. They followed me dutifully. I grabbed the waiter with the mini-quiches and we had a small quiche feast. After they had eaten, Ty Lee hugged me soppily and said that I was **so nice. **My niceness seemed to make her forget her former question and then she got distracted by the lady finger spring rolls (they are her favourite.)

I saw Gloomy Hairbuns out of the corner of my eye. She was sitting in the corner and reading a book and occasionally glancing up in disdain at everyone. She looked like she really didn't want to be here. Look I don't like Gloomy Hairbuns. Not at all. But I still couldn't help but feel a twinge for her – sitting all by her lonesome. So I pointed her out to Ty Lee and asker her if she thought Gloomy Hairbuns was okay on her own. I mean she was Ty Lee's friend, not mine. It should be up to Ty Lee to do something about her.

Ty Lee gave a delighted shriek, dropped her spring rolls and ran over to Gloomy Hairbuns and almost tackled her out of her chair – such was her enthusiasm to hug Miss Gloomy. Gloomy Hairbuns dropped her book and gave Ty Lee a one armed pat on her back and rolled her eyes and said _honestly, you saw me just this morning._ But she actually seemed pleased to see Ty Lee.

Ty Lee grabbed her hand and pulled her over to us and said that Gloomy Hairbuns just had to meet two of the coolest girls (meaning Rena and me). I hadn't planned on Ty Lee bringing Gloomy Hairbuns over to us. But I wasn't going to be a bitch to Gloomy's face.

Ty Lee introduced Rena and said she was the coolest colonial girl Ty Lee had ever met. Gloomy nodded at her and simply said _colonial girl. _Rena's face took on a comically cross expression, but she responded in kind and nodded and said _snotty poff girl._ Ty Lee introduced me – even though she said Gloomy would already know me – Gloomy should meet me properly because I was **so nice. **Gloomy also nodded regally at me and said _hello water-peasant._ I felt a completely new wave of irritation for her. I was about to put her in her place – but Ty Lee beat me too it.

Well she didn't say what I would have said (which was much ruder). But she looked at Mai with a frown on her face for the first time. I realised I had never seen Ty Lee **really frown** up until this point. She said quietly _Mai that's rude. You need to be nice to my new friends. _ Gloomy sighed and rolled her eyes. But she did listen to Ty Lee and turned back to us and called us by our actual names and drawled that it was very nice to meet us. But she didn't sound sincere. However this seemed to assuage Ty Lee – who started babbling about how the party had been so far, naked brain-reflex theory and Hatsu and Haru. Gloomy Hairbuns asked her if she had found someone she wanted to flirt with for herself. Ty Lee twisted her hands together and said _Well there is this one guy..._

Mai scoffed and said _just one? _ She said it in a joking manner, and Ty Lee laughed along. And maybe it is just Gloomy Hairbun's sense of humour and maybe Ty Lee really did find it funny. But either way, it struck me as... a little bitchy... to be honest. There was a slight pause after Ty Lee had laughed along. She didn't volunteer who her one guy was. I tried to smooth it over by asking her who she fancied and thus engaging her in conversation again.

This was a mistake.

Because the person Ty Lee fancied, the person she pointed at – was my dad.

Ooohhh eeeww!

I ended up nearly choking on my drink. She said this just as I was taking a sip of champagne. All the bubbles went up my nose. Rena thumped me on the back. When I could speak again, I announced _that's my dad!_ with a great deal of disgust. Ty Lee nodded and said she knew – and she had wanted to ask me what I thought. I told her **no.** **Just no.** I thought **no.** And my answer was **no.**

I got unexpected help from Gloomy Hairbuns who was making a similar disgusted face. She said _I'm going to agree with watertribe peasant girl here– that is nasty. _ I disliked being called a peasant again, but I did like that she agreed with me. Ty Lee protested that she thought my Dad was _so beautiful_ (oh gag) and he was a great war hero and a bad-ass. And who wouldn't want to **do the squelchy** with the blue wolf? Ty Lee sighed dreamily.

Gloomy Hairbuns clicked in front of her face in a cross fashion, to get her attention. She said that she had three reasons why Ty Lee needed to **cross her legs** and** rethink** this. Reason number one was that My Dad was a war hero for the wrong team. (Excuse me! _the wrong team!_ Did Gloomy Hairbuns still think in an _us __**vs**__ them_ mentality even though the war had ended?). Ty Lee piped up that we were all on the same team now – but Gloomy Hairbuns waved her off and proceeded with reason number two. My Dad was waaaay over Ty Lee's age threshold. Ty Lee sighed again, in a girlish fashion, and said that the age-threshold didn't matter when Kody was **so hot.** I interrupted here and asked (once again with no small measure of disgust) _Did you just call my dad Kody?_ Ty Lee nodded. Gloomy Hairbuns admonished her and said _Do not call the blue wolf Kody!_

Gloomy Hairbuns third reason was that Ty Lee had spent a large part of their chat this morning complaining about what sexist buttheads all the water tribe men were. Champagne had obviously caused some sort of reversal of Ty Lee's opinion because she sighed _yeah...Sexy buttheads._ Rena agreed. She said that she had a theory (cripes, not another theory). Rena's theory was that all water tribe people have to be **sexy as fuck.** According to Rena – we must **exile the ugly children at birth. **I was about to correct her when we were interrupted.

I saw Mama Gloomy walking up behind Gloomy Hairbuns. She visibly winced when she heard Rena say **sexy as fuck.** Her lip curled a little in disdain – just for a second – and then her face was once again an impassive, vaguely friendly mask. She wandered over and put her arm around Gloomy Hairbuns, and _tsked_ and brushed Gloomy's hair out of her face. Gloomy shrugged her off.

Mama Gloomy didn't appear at all awkward about Gloomy's brush off. Instead she asked if Gloomy was having a nice time. Gloomy shrugged. Then she asked _and who are your new friends?_ Mama gloomy looked me and Rena up and down. Gloomy looked embarrassed for a faction of a second, but introduced us. We bowed slightly at Mama Gloomy – but things had gotten distinctly awkward after she had arrived and she showed no sign of moving or making conversation. I tried to fill the awkward silence with polite small talk. Ty Lee joined me in polite small talk – small talk that was not about my Dad (thankfully).

Mama Gloomy nodded politely while I was talking until Rena took a big swig from her bottle. Mama Gloomy bristled and pursed her lips in disapproval. She pulled Gloomy Hairbuns back a short distance and gave her a small scolding. She said _Darling, what are you doing? You know how much I disapprove of colonials – that wild girl is swearing and drinking from the bottle for agni's sake. The problem with colonials is that they are so uncouth._ Mama Gloomy didn't realise we could still hear her.

Rena huffed at being called a _wild girl_ and said loudly_ the problem with poffs is that they are so uptight about everything. They've forgotten to just let go and live a little._ Gloomy Hairbuns and Mama Gloomy obviously heard her. Mama Gloomy at least had the decency to look embarrassed. Gloomy Hairbuns used her mother's momentary distraction to wander back over to us. She snatched Rena's bottle from her hand, said _oh for goodness sake mother! _ Then she put the bottle to her lips, tilted it back and started to scull it down. She was looking her mother in the eye almost the entire time.

Rena watched her in awe and said _wow – that's living a whole lot right there._ Gloomy Hairbuns polished off the bottle handed it back to Rena and actually **burped **directly at her mother. Her mother looked aghast and stood silent and motionless in shock for a second. She said that she was going to tell Gloomy hairbun's father about her behaviour. This seemed to please Gloomy Hairbuns and she said _fine! Tell him! _stroppily at her mother's departing figure.

Then she turned to Ty Lee and announced that she didn't feel so good. Ty Lee put one arm around her and walked with her back to the couch she'd been sitting on. Upon arrival at the couch Gloomy Hairbuns shook Ty Lee off and announced that she was fine. Really. She just had a moment of feeling gurgly in her stomach – but it had passed. She wanted to go back to what we were talking about before _that woman_ interrupted. She said _that woman_ with a bit of vehemence.

Ty Lee looked a bit worried but agreed and asked what we had been talking about. Rena supplied that we had been talking about Ty Lee's love for the sexy sexy blue wolf. I exclaimed that they really had to stop calling my Dad sexy! Rena and Ty Lee both shrugged. Gloomy piped up _you know I always thought people from the water tribe would make good lovers – those peasants – spending all day working with their hands – there must be a few interesting cross-over skills. _ She hiccupped and slumped forward a little bit.

Gloomy Hairbuns was obviously not fine. She was **squiggly-wiggly drunk** and it seemed like the wine was starting to go to her head quickly. Ty Lee looked at me with a worried glance but Rena humoured Gloomy Hairbuns and said that Gloomy should also remember that some of them were waterbenders – think of all the interesting _crossover skills_ there. They both contemplated that for a second. Rena flopped on the couch next to Gloomy and they started chatting in a bawdy fashion. The fact that Gloomy Hairbuns had sculled a bottle of wine in front of her mother had made her improve somewhat in Rena's opinion.

Ty Lee took my elbow and asked me quietly if there was anything I could do. I wasn't sure what she meant. She said that I was a healer-y person – could I use my **magic water** and make Gloomy Hairbuns **un-drunk.** Gloomy Hairbuns never drank this much according to Ty Lee. I told her that there was nothing I could do with my 'magic water' and Gloomy Hairbuns probably just needed actual water and something to eat. Ty Lee scampered off to get it.

Gloomy Hairbuns was pointing out warriors in my tribe and suggesting them as potential partners for Rena. Oh bollocks! I could sense that drunk!Rena and my tribe were going to **clash horribly.** Gloomy Hairbuns was pointing at Hanook and saying _why don't you go for that one. He looks young enough...but he's still water tribe... so he's probably also a butthead. _Rena gave Hanook an evaluating look, announced her intentions to _have a crack at him_ and flounced off before I could stop her.

Leaving me alone with Gloomy Hairbuns.

Boo!

All the boos in the world!

This sucked!

Why me?

I was the only one here and Gloomy Hairbuns was just a **puddle of drunken ineptitude** right now and I didn't feel comfortable leaving her. I might dislike her – but I couldn't just leave someone when they were in _this state._ She had nearly tumbled off the couch and it took a lot of effort for me to get her sitting on it properly again. I tried in vain to get her to eat canapés – because I figured something in her stomach would help her. She flung the first few I handed her like they were her knives. Whatever she was aiming for – she missed. But she munched the sweet little tarts I procured – and so I got her a few more of those.

Gloomy hairbuns ate five in a row and flopped back disgruntled. She huffed and sighed and told me she was _bored._ I'm not quite sure what she expected me to do about it. She looked up at me and tilted her head. She then held up her hand and _ssshed _me even though I wasn't talking (which pissed me off).

She then asked me if I was the peasant who'd looked after her baby brother when he was kidnapped near Omashu. This was such an abrupt change of subject that I was momentarily unsure how to respond. She sounded drunkenly curious – like she was trying to place me and where I fit into everything. I confirmed that I had looked after Tom Tom for the night. (There was no point correcting her peasant slur in her current state). Gloomy Hairbuns nodded and then said _well thanks for that _like it was nothing. Like I had dropped off her laundry. Rather than feeding, changing and rocking her baby brother to sleep when he cried.

She looked at me again and then pointed at me and said _then you're also the peasant who saved friggin Zuko when friggin Azula friggin shot him._ I confirmed that was also me. Gloomy hairbuns nodded, thanked me in a similar off-hand manner and then commanded that I sit down – because I was making her uneasy with the way I was standing over her.

I sat primly next to her on the couch and tried to think up something to say. There was an awkward silence. Gloomy hairbuns had thanked me twice and I felt like I should thank her for something in return – just to be polite. I wracked my brains and eventually I remembered her role in everyone escaping boiling rock. I thanked her for that. she nodded regally at me and said _'s no problem – the boy version of you- said that he was going to give me a life time supply of fireflakes and fruit baskets to say thanks._

The boy version of me? Did she mean Sokka?

The awkward silence was back. I could swear that I heard crickets. I asked Gloomy Hairbuns if she wanted something else to eat, but I realised a second too late that I had actually called her Gloomy Hairbuns - to her face. I thought she would be drunk enough not to notice. But no such luck. She asked, sounding a bit stroppy, if I had just called her Gloomy Hairbuns? I tried to make an excuse but she waved me off and said _Whatever. I'll just call you bossy hairloops – that cool with you?_

I got a bit stroppy and asked her why she would call me that. She flopped forward and grabbed one of my hairloops and gave it a tug. _Well, you're a bit bossy – and look at these hairloops – what is __**with **__these loops – how do they even work._ I moved out of her grasp quickly and fired back _Well how do your hairbuns even work?_

Gloomy Hairbuns didn't seem bothered by my grumpy tone. Instead she surprised me by reaching behind her and taking out lots of pins. She undid her hairbuns quickly and announced that she was _sick of hairbuns! _Her mother had given her hairbuns since she was a little girl – because she thought they made Gloomy Hairbuns look sweet. But Gloomy hairbuns didn't want to look sweet anymore! Because she wasn't sweet. She announced this angrily and gave her head a big shake so that all her hair came cascading down.

I told Gloomy (I can't really call her Gloomy Hairbuns when she's not wearing hairbuns) that I would **never call her sweet.** And I _really meant it._ This seemed to please Gloomy because she actually smirked slightly at me and said _Thank you bossy hairloops! _

Another awkward silence ensued.

Two boys came over and I was silently incredibly grateful for the interruption. Or at least I was until they sat next to Gloomy and I. They smushed us closer together. Gloomy seemed as displeased as I felt by this. One of them chose to use the highly original line _hey there, where have you ladies been all our lives?_ I rolled my eyes. But Gloomy turned to him and answered him directly in her normal deadpan tone of voice. She said _We have been here. Waiting for you. In this room. We were born in this room. We grew up in this room. We thought that we would die alone in this room. But thankfully now you have come._

Dude number one looked confused and said _huh?_ Gloomy clarified what she meant and said _It means never in a million years dumbass._ She turned away from him and back to me. I suppressed my smile. The last thing I wanted was to find Gloomy funny. The boys stood about awkwardly, for a few seconds, before they melted away from embarrassment.

And awkward silence returned to the couch.

I watched the ballroom for a few minutes. Aang was bustling about trying to get people to dance and trying to get the band to play more "jazzy" music. He was having mixed success. He saw me watching and I waved. He bounced over to me and I have never been gladder of his presence. He was a bit excited. He was trying to get the dancing started because as far as Aang was concerned it was _dancing time! _I said that Dancing was a great idea – but reminded him that Zuko had asked him to wait until after the speeches before he tried to turn this into a dancing occasion.

Aang looked a little worried and said _oh no – I forgot! _Aang was worried that Zuko would be mad at him. Gloomy snorted and said _don't worry too much about what Zuko thinks small bald person._ Aang turned to Gloomy Hairbuns and seemed to notice who she was. He made his introduction and said he was excited to meet her at last. Mai shrugged, nonplussed. She was nowhere near as keen as Ty Lee had been to meet us and make friends with us.

Gloomy turned to Aang and asked him what was with the dancing? Aang explained his theory about how he wanted to "fix" the firenation with dance and how dancing was the best non-violent way to **rebel against oppression.** Also he was hoping that he might get to dance with Ty Lee. I told Aang encouragingly that she had just gone to get some water for Gloomy (ages ago now! Where had she got to!) but Gloomy snorted derisively and said _Don't hold your breath. Ty lee's probably busy making out with some random guy in a closet somewhere baldy._

Aang made a sad face for a second. I felt bad for him and a bit cranky at Gloomy for being so blunt with him. I mean Gloomy is blunt with everybody – but you can't do that with Aang. I wanted to offer that I would dance with him – but I was feeling shy and self-conscious. I am not that into public dancing. I don't like dancing unless everyone else is. I really don't like dancing in front of a large crowd of strangers when hardly anyone else is. I wanted to put all that aside and be a good friend to Aang. I really did. But hardly anyone was on the floor (Only Sokka and Suki and two other couples and I think Sokka and Suki were just doing it to humour Aang.)

Suddenly Gloomy sat up and offered to dance with him. I would like to think she was feeling guilty about making Aang do the sad face earlier. But she said that if small bald person (meaning Aang) was right – then dancing would be the best way to rebel and would simultaneously annoy both her mother and Zuko. This seemed to please her.

Aang was looking distinctly nervous at Gloomy's offer of a dance. But she stood up and patted him on his head, in a patronising fashion, and said _it's okay little bald person - I will dance with you. _She said this like she was the most magnanimous person in the world. Aang seemed to think that saying _no _to Gloomy's offer of a dance would be the height of rudeness – so he bowed at her and accepted. He held out his hand and he and Gloomy walked into the centre of the dance floor together.

-o-

Wow.

Gloomy was** drunk.**

She was shaking her hands in the air **like she just didn't care.**

And she probably didn't.

This was probably going to be one of those things that seemed like a bright idea at the time – when she was looking back on this evening's events later. Perhaps I should have done something to stop them. However Gloomy and Aang dancing with each other solved my two immediate problems. It meant that I was no longer put on the spot about having to dance with Aang in public. It also meant that I no longer had to drunk-sit Gloomy Hairbuns. I was sure she would be alright with Aang and now I could be relieved of my duties. I could go and find and talk to people I actually wanted to talk to.

-o-

I found my Dad quickly. He and Bato were monopolising a nicely set up little area –with comfy chairs and a low table. In true water tribe style, they had procured two trays of the best snacks and were slowly working their way through. I sat on the couch opposite and helped myself. I told Dad casually that I just wanted to warn him that a _mad, pink tornado in girl form_ (more commonly known as Ty Lee) had a giant crush on him. I just think that my Dad should get a heads up. He smiled at me and seemed touched that I had wanted to warn him – but said I was too late. Ty Lee had already confused the crap out of my Dad. Now that I had told him she had a crush on him, he understood that her unusual behaviour had been flirting.** Very unusual flirting. **

Apparently she flipped over, talked about how naked the tables looked without tablecloths, laughed at everything my dad said, even when he wasn't joking- including when he just asked her how she was. Then she had run away **blushing furiously **and leaving my Dad very bewildered. My Dad seems to have almost a...spirits help me, I cannot believe I am writing this...a _fondness_ for Ty Lee. He mostly thinks that she is _exceptionally dopey _– but harmless. Also she had not been the weirdest person to approach him and Bato thus far tonight. So her blathering about naked tables didn't worry my dad. There seemed to be a game among some of the firenation nobles called _I double dare you to say hello to the blue wolf. _Nobles would come over, say hello, my dad would reciprocate and then nobles would usually squeak and run off. This has proven much more annoying than Ty Lee.

Bato chimed in that he thought my Dad secretly loved it – all the attention. There was a bit of good natured teasing between the two of them. Sokka and Suki retired from the dancefloor and joined us and it was almost like a small water tribe reunion (with bonus Kyoshi warrior). More party food was eaten and more drinks were drunk. I was starting to feel a little merry myself.

Suki asked how Ming was. Bato smiled the most brilliant grin at the mention of her name. He said she was **great.** She was coming later – after she had finished her shift and got her Dad ready. Her Dad was really keen to meet the new firelord – if Zuko could spare the time. I said that I was sure Zuko would make some time for Ming's Dad and Bato smiled at me. He said that Ming's Dad was a great old guy and he wouldn't mind if we would all meet him too. Ming had apparently moved into a nice house on the other side of the Caldera, and now her dad and two of her sisters had come to live with her. Bato had spent a little bit of time with them recently. Ming's Dad was keen to meet Bato's "Family" – which was us. Sokka, Suki and I readily agreed. Dad paused and nodded and said _very well –_but he shot Bato a curious, worried look.

Just at that point, Zuko came over and flopped on the couch next to me. He sighed dramatically, leaned his head in his hands and requested that one of us do him _a kindness_ and **bash him over the head with one of the snack trays -**so he could be legitimately excused from firelording. Sokka said _anything for a friend_ and started clearing one of the snack trays and placing all snacks on the second tray. I told him to stop it and **no one** was going to be smacking **anyone else **with a snack tray.

Zuko protested that Sokka'd be _doing him a favour._ He couldn't make small talk with one more lying, insincere, slimy politician. He just couldn't. He had reached his limit for the amount of bullshit he could tolerate in a day. I rubbed soothing circles on his back and _tsked _that it couldn't be that bad. Zuko said it was bad enough for his Uncle to give him another break from his duties, before he **exploded frustration** all over everybody.

I said that was a medical impossibility and it couldn't actually happen. People did not explode from frustration. Zuko said** _I might!_ **He was adamant that it could happen. If he had to hear one more lying greaseball say _oh I really was on __**your side **__the whole time_ he really would explode. He said offhand that he'd rather be _struck with lightning_ that have to put up with another of his Dad's old cronies kissing his arse insincerely. **We don't joke about the lightning.** I crossed my arms and made an exceptionally grumpy face at him. He looked a bit sheepish and said _still too soon? _I nodded and said grumpily _still way too soon._

SUki joked that Zuko had used up his bullshit limit quite early on in his reign – especially for a monarch of the firenation – which was not a country known for its honest dealings. Sokka added _besides you've only been firelord for ...like six hours._ Zuko sighed in frustration and said _six, incredibly long, aggravating hours. _

Dad said that Zuko should get used to being lied to._ People lie to their leaders all the time_. He was looking directly at Bato as he said this. Bato looked away. Dad continued and said that dealing with liars and arse-kissers was a part of being a leader. As long as Zuko could separate the truth from the lies and didn't let the arse kissing go to his head – he'd be fine. Zuko didn't look reassured. Dad then offered that he was pretty sure it would speeches and fireworks soon – and then everyone would be **too trollied** to talk politics and Zuko would be off the hook for the rest of the night. Zuko smiled at him and said _thanks sir Hakoda._ My dad made his usual rumblings about how Zuko _really could _just call him Hakoda.

Bato piped up that he knew that Zuko probably didn't want to hear about meeting anymore people tonight – if he was getting sick of people. Zuko said he wasn't sick of _people,_ he was just sick of _politicians_. My Dad raised his glass to that. Bato seemed a little encouraged and he said_ it's just that my girlfriend Ming... Well her father is very keen to make your acquaintance. _ Zuko's eyes widened in recognition. He said that his Uncle had told him about Sergeant Crane and of course he'd meet him. Bato sighed in relief.

Zuko was just a little confused about why Sergeant Crane wanted to meet him so bad. What did he want Zuko to say? Bato shrugged and said _he doesn't want you to say anything. I imagine he just wants to thank you for what you said a long time ago... in the war room... To general Buijing. _Zuko seemed acutely embarrassed. He looked down and said _oh._ He seemed a bit fascinated with his hands for a moment before he collected himself and looked at Bato and said _that's not necessary. He doesn't need to thank me._ Bato eyes flickered to Zuko's scar for a brief second. He said _Well Sergeant Crane thinks it's necessary and I agree. _Zuko nodded. Dad and Sokka and Suki were a bit lost in this conversation. Sokka asked what had happened – but Zuko said quickly _don't worry, it's not important._

Piandao and his Butler hustled over at that moment. They bowed at everyone politely. Sokka waved enthusiastically at Piandao and he waved back happily. His butler rolled his eyes at Sokka's antics. Piandao said that he'd chat with Sokka later, but right now he needed to have a quick word with Zuko. I got up too. Well nobody said I wasn't invited and Zuko seemed pleased I had come along.

-o-

The Butler's name was Fat – which must have been a firenation family name, poor soul. He gushed a bit over Zuko and said that Zuko had only been _this tall_ when he had last seen him (he held his hand up at belly button height) and now here he was – all grown up. Zuko looked embarrassed again – but a happier sort of embarrassed than he had been when Bato had been talking about how Ming's Dad wanted to thank him. Fat smiled at him and said _I suspect you feel old and wise now – after all your adventures. _ Zuko smiled back and said _I feel old but not very wise._ Fat seemed pleased with this answer and said that wisdom would come. In fact Piandao was going to give him some wisdom now. He then noticed me and said _well now, I know that this is Sokka's sister – but we have not yet been properly introduced. _

Zuko apologised for forgetting his manners and gestured between us and said simply _Fat this is __**my Katara...**_He realised a second too late what he had said and started frantically backpedalling and added _err I mean my good friend Katara._ I couldn't help but smile wide – but I tried to hide it. I tried to smooth things over and bowed at Fat and said that it was very nice to meet him. Fat reciprocated.

Piandao got down to business and said that Uncle Iroh had just been to see him. Zuko nodded. Piandao said that Iroh had told him that he thought that Zuko was ..._a little stressed_ right now. Zuko huffed sarcastically _what gave it away? When I started grinding my teeth? Or when steam started coming out my ears? _ Piandao smiled indulgently and said that he believed it was the teeth. He looked at me and Fat and asked if he could chat to Zuko alone.

Fat and I moved away a fraction. We made small talk about Sokka and his tendency to ruin rock gardens and Fat's best china – and how I thought he had progressed as a swordsman. But I knew that Fat also wanted to eavesdrop on what was being said as much as I did. After a bit of small talk – there was a look of mutual understanding that passed between us and we both listened in.

Piandao was saying that Zuko didn't need to put up with someone if he thought they were trying to sell him some bullshit. Zuko replied that his Uncle had said that he had to learn to be more patient with people if he wanted to make a good firelord – and that included putting up with slimy politicians trying to sell him bullshit. Zuko's Uncle had told him that his biggest challenge would be learning patience – and finding other ways around disagreements rather than straight out confrontation.

Piandao chuckled and said that Iroh was an expert at finding **other ways around disagreements. ** He shook his head ruefully and said _I can't believe the wily old bastard broke into my quarters to "borrow" that sword._ Zuko shook his head and murmured in agreement. But added, out of loyalty to his Uncle, that Iroh had just wanted to make sure that Sokka didn't feel left out - when everyone got awesome **thank you gifts. **And Zuko thought that was a good thing because he would hate for Sokka to feel left out too. Piandao agreed.

Piandao looked at Zuko and said _listen Kiddo, I wish I could tell you not to worry about the future – but I know you're going too anyway. In fact you're probably doing it right now._ Zuko nodded. Piandao smiled knowingly and continued by saying that Zuko already had all the characteristics he needed to be a good firelord. He had determination, intelligence and a strong sense of justice. Zuko smiled and said he was glad Piandao thought so – but what did that count for if he couldn't go through one afternoon without getting _really frustrated_ with people.

Piandao held up his hand and said he wasn't finished yet. He said that while Iroh was a very wise man, he was wrong about what Zuko most needed. In Piandao's opinion, what Zuko needed more than patience was to learn to make time for himself. Time to just **relax in**. Zuko was so used to pushing himself with fierce determination that he had never allowed himself to unwind completely. Piandao said that if people were driving him bonkers – then Zuko had done the right thing and walked away. Zuko said that he just felt bad about not being able to put up with people. Being diplomatic came so easily to his Uncle – but mostly Zuko just wanted to punch them in the face. And he knew that was bad.

Piandao said that there was no shame in walking away from infuriating people. And it was a good thing to walk away **before **he punched people in the face. He added, after a beat,_ listen kiddo, your harshest critic has always been __**you**__ – and from that you've managed to push yourself __**so far.**__ But now you need to learn to step back and be kind to yourself._ Zuko said _he'd try._ Piandao nodded. Fat and I hastily resumed our conversation so that it wouldn't look like we were eavesdropping when they came and rejoined us.

Piandao and Fat bowed at us and wandered back to where Sokka and everyone else were sitting. Sokka got up and hugged Piandao around the middle and there appeared to be shenanigans of some description involving spilled drinks. Zuko and I didn't rejoin them immediately. Instead Zuko asked me if I agreed with Piandao. I feigned incomprehension but he just smiled and said _It's okay_. _I know you were eavesdropping the whole time. _

Ah.

Well then.

I said that Piandao did have a point. Zuko did push himself very hard and took his responsibilities seriously and had a hard time relaxing. But I added that I **totally got that.** Before I met Aang – I always had a hard time relaxing. I had so many chores and responsibilities and it was difficult for me to just _let go._ But Aang had been _so good_ at it. He was so relaxed and carefree that he helped me be more carefree (in some ways). I said that some people are just better at relaxing than others – and maybe Zuko just needed to try and spend some more time around people he found relaxing. He smiled at me and joked that he had never found Aang very relaxing. I gave him a light flick and said he'd need to find somebody else then. Then I smiled at him and he smiled at me and it was nice moment.

Which was interrupted by seven rings of the gong.

Zuko seemed surprised that it was seven gongs already. He noticed how dark it had gotten outside and seemed a bit panicked that the whole afternoon had gone. His uncle would be giving a speech soon. I asked him what the problem was – weren't speeches good? Zuko said that he had promised he'd find Gloomy Hairbuns before the speeches. Boo Gloomy Hairbuns! Boo!

Apparently she found speeches boring and didn't want to stay for them if she could help it. Not surprised that Gloomy Hairbuns finds speeches boring. Zuko said that he had promised her that they'd have a **proper talk** at some point today – before seven gongs. But things had gotten so hectic and he'd fobbed her off when she'd come up to him before – because he had duties then. And now she would be **pissed off.**

I told him she probably wouldn't notice – and I didn't think she'd be cranky at all. Zuko seemed baffled by this. I told him to look around and pointed out where Gloomy Hairbuns was dancing with Aang. More people were dancing now – but it was still easy to spot Gloomy Hairbuns and Aang. She was much taller than him was holding his hand above his head and twirling him like he was a damsel in distress. Then he would spin around her on his air scooter and she'd shake her hair all out and put her hands in the air – like Lily the singing nomad. Zuko looked at them in confusion. In fact Zuko's face was a perfect image complete bewilderment and surprise. He mouthed _what the fuck?_

I explained that she drank a whole bottle of Oyster Bay wine. To herself. And then Aang had come over and gone on about how dancing was a great form of rebellion and for some reason this seemed to strike a chord with Gloomy Hairbuns.

Zuko asked me if I thought he should _do something._ I shrugged. I mean Aang and Gloomy looked happy enough – both dancing to their own beat. In fact expelling some of her drunk energy would probably be good for Gloomy Hairbuns. Snacks hadn't helped sober her up any – maybe she could dance it off and then have a good sleep and feel better in the morning.

At that point a small waiter came over and offered Aang and Gloomy and everyone else on the dance floor a flute of champagne. Gloomy downed hers in one go and then swapped her empty glass for Aang's. So there's probably not much chance of her sobering up soon. Almost immediately afterwards another waiter appeared in front of Zuko and I. she offered us a champagne each. The gong rang out again – Iroh walked on to the small raised platform and a hush fell over the crowd. It was speech time.

-o-

Iroh cleared his throat and tapped his glass and said that he would like to raise a toast – to his nephew Zuko, the new firelord. He asked Zuko to raise his hand so that everyone could see him. Zuko did so – but looked a bit self-conscious about it. Iroh then launched into a good speech. It was very sweet actually.

He said that Zuko was a remarkable person – and he was sure that he would be a remarkable firelord. He had always stood firm for what he believed in and that was an admirable and necessary quality for these changing times. Iroh said that he knew the road ahead was going to be a difficult one. Rebuilding the world was going to bring interesting and unusual challenges – and the firenation was lucky to have a young, intelligent and brave leader to steer them through it.

Iroh finished by saying that he knew that Zuko had the perseverance to continue trying to make the world a better place – despite setbacks and failures. He had the courage to make the difficult choices facing the nation – and the compassion to ensure that those choices were fair and equitable for all. There was no one on earth that Iroh would rather salute as firelord. He then raised his glass and everyone else followed suit. He said **to firelord Zuko** – in a big and commanding voice – which we all echoed as we clinked glasses.

Iroh smiled directly at Zuko and gestured for him to come forward to the stage – and then walked off stage left. Zuko turned to me and handed me his glass – I raised an eyebrow at him curiously. He told me quickly that it was tradition that he respond with a small speech, mostly thanking everyone for coming and directing them to where the fireworks were.

He was about to walk up when suddenly Gloomy Hairbuns climbed on the stage. She clinked her empty glass and announced that she also had something to say. Another hushed silence feel. But it was a very perplexed silence. What the hell? Zuko seemed horrified but frozen to the spot. Gloomy Hairbuns cleared her throat and said _General Iroh is right – Zuko has always stood firm for what he believes in, __until or unless logic and experience __**proved him wrong**__. He learned the hard way that the truth and a lie are not "sort of" the same thing._

General Iroh was trying to get her attention and frantically gesturing her down from the stage – But Gloomy Hairbuns proceeded, undaunted, with her little speech. She announced that everyone should remember the lessons learned from the old regime - if the firelord looks naked – the firelord is naked! Then she chuckled to herself and added _and I've seen this firelord naked – he's my boyfriend everyone!_

And this point Zuko seemed to snap out of his frozen horror beside me. He swore and ran forward and practically vaulted the snack table and managed to make it on to the stage just as Gloomy wrapped up her speech. Her final words of wisdom for us were that we should all remember that there was no aspect, no moment of life that cannot be improved…with fireflakes.

The audience – in differing levels of drunkenness cheered this fireflake pronouncement. Gloomy Hairbuns took a bow as Zuko joined her on stage. Zuko was blushing bright scarlet but he held it together and said in as regal and dignified a voice as he could muster -that he wanted to sincerely thank everyone for coming. Then he gestured really quickly at the doorway to the gardens and announced in a big loud rush that there would be a **spectacular fireworks display out there in two minutes** and so we'd have to hurry if we wanted a good spot. Then he grabbed Gloomy's hand and pulled her off the stage with him.

-o-

There had been a rush for the doors to the garden from the crowd. Zuko and Iroh were conferring near the stage while Gloomy Hairbuns seemed to be holding on to Zuko's shoulder to stay upright. She seemed a bit oblivious to the fact that they were talking about her.

Iroh was exceptionally confused about Gloomy Hairbuns and was quite worried about Zuko – who was all kinds of embarrassed. Iroh was saying that he should come out and enjoy his own coronation fireworks but Zuko refused. He said, in dismay, that he couldn't go out there and face all those people right now. He was _dying of embarrassment on the inside_ and just needed time away from the crowd. Besides he should try and get Gloomy home because she was in no fit state.

Iroh regarded Gloomy for an instant and then said that Zuko was _quite right._ He said consolingly _– there'll be other fireworks okay._ Iroh looked at the crowd going though the doors and said _Look I'll deal with them and smooth everything over – you deal with ...this situation. _He gestured at Gloomy Hairbuns._ "_This situation" appeared to be his euphemism for Gloomy Hairbuns in her current drunken state.

I followed Zuko – to see if he needed my help. But I ended up accidentally overhearing most of the ensuing argument between Gloomy and him. Zuko took her hand and started walking towards on of the corridors. When they got into the corridor – Gloomy started protesting that she wanted to see the fireworks. Zuko snapped that she couldn't because she had just embarrassed the hell out of him and was drunk and had to go home and sleep it off.

He dropped her hand abruptly and started pacing and loudly exclaiming that he couldn't believe she had done that! Gloomy slumped against the wall and said_ I can't believe it either. Did you see my Mum's face? She was so scandalised! _ Zuko got very angry that she had done something like that – just to prove a point to her mother. Gloomy fired back that she had been locked up with _that woman_ **for months!** Gloomy had _months worth_ of points she needed to prove. Zuko shouted that she could have tried proving her points without embarrassing him terribly.

Gloomy hairbuns winced at the volume of his shout and slid the rest of the way down the wall and said _no shouting Zuzu._ Zuko made an indecipherable noise of frustration. Gloomy hairbuns then said _Zuko...I'm not feeling so good._ Zuko took one look at her face and his anger seemed to melt away somewhat. He said _fuck it _and pulled the big pot plant over to her so that she had something to vomit into.

And vomit she did. This is not surprising after drinking a bottle of wine to herself and then downing two champagnes in quick succession. Zuko held her hair back for her while she was sick and patted her back until she had got most of it up. She leaned back and just looked wan and unwell. He scooted her away from the vomit tree and pulled a hanky out of his pocket and started wiping her face clean. After he was done, she flopped on him and muttered that she felt _really terrible. _Zuko said softly that he wasn't surprised – after she had drank a whole bottle of oyster bay to herself. But he said it gently.

Gloomy seemed confused by his abrupt change in behaviour. She asked, with some bafflement, if he wasn't mad at her. He said _oh no – I'm still mad_..._But that can wait for later okay – when you're feeling better. _She snuggled against him and he offered to get her some water. That would make her feel better. She said _no! Don't go!_ abruptly. She added that Ty Lee had gone to get her water ages ago and hadn't come back yet.

Then she started the cry. This seemed to alarm Zuko a lot. He tried to comfort her and said that he wouldn't be mad at all - if she just stopped crying. But that wasn't it. She was crying because she was starting to feel embarrassed. Zuko said it was okay – everybody vomits. He added _first time I got drunk on whiskey sours with Uncle and Jun, I vomited all over her shirshu. _Gloomy asked what a shirshu was and Zuko said it was a big angry creature that really doesn't like to be vomited on. Gloomy smiled then, a really genuine smile that I have never seen on her face before.

She leaned her head in her hands and said _You know you've done something shameful when the self recriminations start piling up before you've even gone to bed..._she was piecing the events of the night in her mind. she looked up and asked in a confused tone_ Did I spend the last hour dancing with a bald dwarf?_ Zuko replied _you were dancing with the avatar _in a deadpan tone of voice. She nodded and said _Ah, that explains it._ She added lazily, sounding closer to her normal monotone that Aang was a good dancer. He was way better than Zuko. Zuko said that was probably because he didn't dance.

Gloomy huffed _I'm so drunk. How did this even happen._ Zuko told her that she drank a whole bottle of oyster bay to herself and that'd do it. Gloomy said that wasn't what she meant. She gestured at herself and said _No, I mean this._ Zuko was confused. Gloomy elaborated. _Look at me. Don't you see Zuko! You've __**ruined **__me! I am now __**That Girl**__ at parties._

Zuko needed an explanation of **that girl.**Gloomy explained that it was normally Ty Lee at about the halfway point - before she had her bouts of epiphanies, but after she's made out with some random guy and was regretting it. The drunk, over-emotional girl who had too many feelings. Zuko nodded. He was acquainted with **that girl.**

Gloomy scolding him and said _This is all your fault you know. I __**never cared**__ before you came along. And now I'm some stupid drunk girl...__**who cares!**_ Zuko looked at her in confusion and said _Sorry? _He was confused, not apologising – but Gloomy assumed he was apologising anyway and said _yeah – you should be sorry. _

Zuko sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose and took three deep breaths. And then he stood up abruptly and said_ Come on, you'll feel better after you've sleep it off. I'll walk you home. _Gloomy Hairbuns didn't move. Instead she made a small fist and hit the ground and said _No_ quiet stroppily. She had been waiting all afternoon to talk to Zuko and he had just fobbed her off and been "too busy." Now she had him to herself and she wasn't moving until they had a talk.

Zuko sighed again. His long-suffering sigh that he usually directed at Aang when Aang was being especially lazy with firebending practice. He asked her what she wanted to talk about. She told him that she had been sitting here and she was so mad at him for not making time for her and the worst thing was that she actually **really cared.** He didn't pay attention to her for one afternoon and look what happened. Gloomy gestured at herself here – as if Zuko's inattention was a direct contributor to her current state. She finished by saying _this is how much I care and I don't want you to know how much I care and now you know how much I care and gaah...just listen to me!_

She sounded frustrated with herself and with him and with this whole conversation. Zuko said that he was trying to listen to her – but she wasn't making any sense. Maybe she should just start by telling him what he had done wrong now.

Gloomy's face took on a furious expression and she stood up abruptly and swayed on her feet for a brief second. She pulled herself up to her full height – she was nearly as tall as Zuko, so this was a lot of height. She said _what you did wrong?_ Incredulously, like she couldn't believe he had asked that. She then got very cross and stomped her foot and said _You forgot me Zuko!_ She gave him a small shove and said _how could you possibly forget me!_

She tried to shove him again – but he caught her wrists and held them until she regained her balance – then he dropped them and said, in a frustrated sounding voice, _I forgot because I was shot with lightning! __**I nearly died!**__ I was unconscious for a very long time. _Gloomy seemed assuaged by this and nodded. She said _well...you're going to have to pay more attention to me now that we're back together. _

Zuko seemed very surprised by this pronouncement and started to say that they weren't getting back together. Gloomy's expression turned as dark as thunder and Zuko ended up saying that they would have to talk about this when she had sobered up a bit. This did not impress Gloomy. She stamped her foot and said _no_ again. She said _I might be drunk, but I know one thing for sure. You. Don't. Get. To. Reject. Me. Right. Now. _(She poked him in near his neck to punctuate every word here)._ So no there's nothing to talk about. We're getting back together._

Zuko started to say _but..._however Gloomy hairbuns cut him off and said there were no buts okay. She got stroppy and said _I saved you – you ungrateful ass! You'd be dead at the bottom of the boiling rock lake if it wasn't for me. __**You owe me!**_

Zuko started to say that he wasn't being ungrateful. Gloomy hairbuns disagreed and said he was. _After __**everything**__ I've done for you! __**Everything**__ I've been through for you! And I ask one thing of you now – just one thing! If you say no to me now – I will __**never forgive**__ you for it! I don't understand why you are being so difficult about this - just be my stupid boyfriend again -you jerk. _

Zuko said that he didn't understand why she even wanted him back – if he was such an ungrateful jerk. Gloomy hairbuns started crying again. Wow Gloomy is just a **hot mess of emotions** when she is drunk. Her main emotion seemed to be anger. But melancholy sadness seemed to be fairly prevalent too.

Gloomy got a bit snuffly and said that maybe she wanted him back because she was allergic to everything and everyone in the caldera **except for him, **and she was stuck back here now. And she found everything** boring** without him. She confessed this last bit quietly, like she was saying it against her will. She said _maybe I need you a little...or whatever...just look what happens after one afternoon of you ignoring me._

Zuko said that he hadn't been ignoring her. Gloomy fired back that he also hadn't been going out of his way for her – like he used to. Then she noticed that her mascara was running all down her face as a result of her hot mess of emotions. She told Zuko that he couldn't tell her mum she had running make-up in front of him. she added _apparently I have to "look my best" for you._ She did a good imitation of her mother's voice when she said _look my best._ Zuko huffed that she knew she didn't have to worry about that sort of shit with him.

He sighed again, and then said firmly _Come on, lets get you home –you are off-your-face-drunk right now. _Gloomy seemed out of arguments and out of feelings. She flopped on him affectionately. He put an arm around her to support her and they started walking out together.

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The rambles

Lovely wonderful readers! Thank you so very much for all your reviews on the last chapter! Every one put a smile on my face and warmed the cockles of my heart and I really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Also Thank you for reading to the end of Part 2 of the auspicious occasion of Zuko's coronation. I'm sorry it took so long to get out! I've been on a quick holiday to wine country (for research – obviously).

YMMV on everything.

So the theme of this chapter was Tolerance. There are three of nations mixing for the first time in potentially 100 years at Zuko's coronation. The social setting would throw up interesting problems and a lot of politeness judo. But manners, idioms and terms of affection are different in every nation and so there are some misunderstandings. I actually do think that everyone for the most part, would try to get along. It is a happy occasion, the first official day of peace after a century of war. Everyone is trying to be polite. Also copious amounts of alcohol help smooth over social situations. I think more gregarious people like Aang and Ty Lee would make friends with people from other nations easily. Other people like Hakoda and Bato – will prefer to stay in their own little group.

We get to meet the colonials again. I wanted Toph to get some love. Rozin adores her and they have fun together. Aang is a little jealous. I don't know if he would see this as a romantic impulse yet. More a protective and proprietary impulse. Toph is HIS friend and he doesn't trust this new interloper. But needless to say, he is displeased by the amount of attention Toph gives Rozin. Aang's more romantic inclinations in this chapter are directed towards Ty Lee. He has a full blown crush on her now and wants to dance with her and get her attention. But alas, Ty Lee like Aang – is very easily distracted and her attention is hard to hold.

We also deal with a few new theories from Rena. Naked-brain reflex is in involuntary reflex to picture a person naked when they and nudity are mentioned in the same sentence. For example if I type **Zuko naked** – you all just thought about it. Didn't you?

The socially acceptable age threshold in australia is apparently double your age minus seven. Have no idea how this came about or how I know this -but there ya go. So when characters talk about the age threshold – this is the equation they are referring too. Hakoda is well over Ty Lee's age threshold and he knows it – but she's a sweet girl and he is somewhat flattered by her crush. However he is not going to act on it – so don't worry on that front. But he will be kind and patient with her when she approaches him – because he's a nice guy.

Bato's relationship with Ming is getting very serious – and this is causing Hakoda some worry. Meeting the families is serious relationship progress. Hakoda is still thinking that this is all going to end in disaster for Bato and Ming. Also Bato is being much more elusive with regards to his relationship with Ming, now that he knows he does not have Hakoda's full support and has told a few fibs in regards to his relationship. That is what Hakoda is referring too when he says "people lie to their leaders all the time". We will get to meet Ming's dad next chapter – just because I thought it would be nice for Zuko to have someone acknowledge and thank him for speaking out for soldiers' rights all those years ago.

We get to see Zuko intermittently in the chapter – because he has lots of new duties to attend to and can't spent the entire evening hanging out with Katara. I think there would be a lot of "unofficial" discussions and networking going on at the coronation party. I do think that Zuko is not good at big parties/large social gatherings. Just look at how he is in the beach. In fact I'd say one of the few legitimate things that Mai and Zuko have in common is that they both aren't into parties. Different reasons for this – but the end result is the same.

Anyway, I think that meeting a steady stream of politicians would be a bit much for Zuko. Iroh is helping him and being his charming diplomatic self – but he can tell when Zuko's starting to reach his frustration point and tries to give him breaks away from the politicians accordingly. Whenever Zuko gets a break – he goes looking for Katara, almost unconsciously now. I think that Iroh and Zuko would make a good team – with Iroh trying to ease Zuko into his duties, but also gauging when it is all a bit too much for his Nephew. Iroh sends Piandao to talk to Zuko – after Zuko had a small stress attack that resulted from talking to a particularly irritating Ozai-loving general. I just wanted to demonstrate that Zuko's not going to be perfect at firelording straight off the bat and will need some guidance. But thankfully in my story, he has his dear old Uncle by his side. Iroh meant every word of his speech.

Uncle Iroh is going to be very confused about Mai after the events of this chapter. Mai is going to be very confused about Iroh. She has heard and absorbed a lot of what Azula told her about her kooky-crazy-tea-loving-uncle (and none of that was flattering to Iroh). And all of this will be relevant in coming chapters.

So I'd like to talk about Zuko and Mai and Katara and this big old mess here. Especially Mai, because I haven't had much chance previously to ramble about her. But I know these rants get long so feel free to skip. Also YMMV a lot with regards to the following.

*Mai related rant*

This is told from Katara's POV – so she hates on Mai a little. I actually like Mai as a character, but dislike the Maiko relationship. I still want to explore it and why I think it is dysfunctional in the coming chapters. A lot of Mai's lines are shout outs and direct references to the wonderful cartoon DARIA. I think that Mai is actually based off Daria – but YMMV. Seriously though, watch the two characters. All Mai needs is doc martens and glasses and she practically is Daria. Daria's witty sarcastic cynicism is very similar to Mai's and I get the feeling that Bryke were trying to create an Avatar-verse version of Daria in Mai. Someone to observe and bluntly analyse the bullshit around them and add some dry wit.

Mai looses a few Daria-cool points with me because of the backstory they gave her – which I interpret as an attempt to make the audience go " awww poor Mai." Daria **owned** her attitude and cynicism. She knew she came from a privileged upbringing and never blamed her parents for her personality. Daria was _proud of who she was._ I wanted this for Mai. I would much rather Mai be proud to be an independent, intelligent, sarcastic girl – than feel like she has to make excuses for her apathy/attitude. Being cynical would be well justified by just growing up in the firenation and having Azula for a friend (and all the bullshit that would entail). She doesn't need a "tragic" backstory to boot.

So Mai gets drunk in this chapter and shows another side to her personality aside from the** great stone face.** I think Mai does have feelings but she is just exceptionally good at hiding them. For her and Zuko to get back together she'd have to give him a peep at something more beneath the surface. Some genuine affection there.

I think Mai's affection for Zuko is **genuine... **for her. However it is based on two things which do not have anything to do with Zuko as a person. 1) Her childhood idealised view of him 2) what he does for her/how he sees her.

So the whole Maiko are childhood sweethearts thing?

I do not get that.

At all.

Look at canon. Mai has a massive crush on him as a little girl – but he seems mostly...not indifferent to her, just not that interested in her either. I don't think he was aware of her crush and I certainly don't think he reciprocated. I don't think the fact that he knocks her into the fountain when she has a burning apple on her head should be considered proof of reciprocation. Because I think Zuko would have done that for anyone. If it had been Ty Lee with the apple on her head and not Mai – I think he would have done the same thing.

So I think it is a sweet one sided crush when they're kids. I can totally get why eight-year-old Mai would crush on him. How many little girls have crushes on their friend's older brother? It's just one of those things. Add to that the fact that he's a handsome prince and all of that – and little Zuko is the perfect package for little eight-year-old Mai.

But the thing is that Mai **does not know** Zuko that well. (I liked that she was self-aware enough to acknowledge that in Boiling Rock – I dislike that this self-awareness has to vanish for the canon maiko reunion scene.)

I think that the majority of this crush was her projecting the sort of person she _thought_ he was on to him. In some ways, she is like Aang with his idolised view of Katara. She sees an idealised version of Zuko rather than who he _actually is._ I think she imagines that he would be someone who would "get" her. Mai is very misunderstood and for her, the possibility of someone actually getting her would be intoxicating. In some respects Mai and Zuko are very similar to eachother – especially compared to everyone else around them. They are both cynical and sarcastic and dissatisfied with the power structures in their lives. Mai, who hasn't mingled that much outside the aristocratic circle, might think that if anyone was going to "get" her – it would be Zuko.

A great deal of Mai's frustration with Zuko when they are together could be interpreted as disappointment with him for not living up to her expectations. These expectations, which she has built up in her head since she was a little girl, about the sort of boyfriend he'd be are not going to be realistic. I think that in some respects she still loves the Zuko that exists in her mind and has transferred this love onto Zuko. It is genuine feeling – but it just has a very shaky foundation.

The other reason I think Mai likes Zuko is because Zuko is pretty much **her bitch** for their bulk of their relationship. Prison-forgetting aside – Zuko was actually a very attentive boyfriend to her. He is constantly paying attention for her, getting her little presents, making time for her and planning nice "dates" to take her on. (That picnic had Zuko written all over it). Anyway – Zuko had very few other people in his life at that point. There are few people who he wants to spend time with and so Mai gets the majority of his attention.

I think in some respects he threw himself into the relationship because it was the one "good" thing to emerge from the COD schmozzle. He lost his Uncle – but gained a girlfriend in Mai. In the time when he is trying to convince himself that he made the right choice – he becomes more involved in the relationship. For Mai who feels as though she has been overlooked her whole life – this kind of constant attention and validation would be brilliant. Mai has almost all the power in the relationship until Zuko leaves. Mai is denied power in her other relationships (with her mother and Azula) – so she enjoys being the boss with Zuko.

Also Mai's biggest gripe against her parents is that they are posh and they deny her freedom and demand certain behavioural expectations from her. Zuko places no such expectations on her – and due to their power dynamics – it is unlikely that he ever would. He freely shares many of the perks of being royalty with her. I would argue that Mai enjoys these and the freedom to act how she chooses immensely and this ties in with her enjoyment of the relationship. Royalty can act how they please – and when she is with Zuko she can also act how she pleases. Zuko will never tell her no.

A side note about royal privileges: another glaring difference between them is their attitude towards servants. Aside from the fact that they both frequently ordered the servants away to have alone time to **do the squelchy** in – they are show to have markedly different views with regards to servants. Zuko didn't make servants do things for him – _just because he could. _(He preferred to walk rather than take the palanquin, refused the unnecessary tasks/things he could do himself). Mai seems to like ordering the servants around and suggests this as an activity to cheer Zuko up – despite the fact he has never previously expressed a desire to do this as a leisure activity. I think he would have gone along with it because Mai enjoyed it so – and he wanted to please her. I'm not trying to hate on Mai here – but this was something that really stood out for me.

Side note about prison forgetting: I bang on about this a bit – because of it's implications for Maiko, but I actually don't think Zuko is at fault here either (though he will be made to feel guilty about it anyway.) He was critically injured and Mai was not at the forefront of his mind. However I do think that if Maiko had **True Love** between them – as Bryke tell us but never show us (show, don't tell) – then she would have been important enough for him to remember when he started feeling a little better.

Anyway Mai wants to get back with him for her own reasons– but acts extremely stroppy to her mother when her mother also suggests it. This is more about Mai's relationship with her mother than it is about her and Zuko. I think that Mai has gotten into the habit of disagreeing with her mother just for the sake of disagreeing with her. The fact that they were imprisoned together would have only compounded this. In my imagination, they have a very adversarial relationship that has arisen because they are actually quite similar (that is why Mai uses similar language to her mother when she fights with Zuko).

I think Mai's mum for the brief moment we see her – is actually quite sympathetic. She encourages Mai to enjoy her posh life – and that they have it good in omashu. (She is right. they do have it good. They are living the high life. Look at how much poverty there is in the Avatar world – compared to how Mai lives). She expresses concern re: plague victims and is distraught when her baby son is missing.

I actually don't think that Mai's childhood was that abusive. We see her talking back to her parents and making sassy, sarcastic comments that go unrebuked. This doesn't seem like a _only speak when you are spoken to_ household. I think that Mai is having a bit of a cross-that-you're-so-posh-mum-and-dad phase. It's common for teenage upper-middle-class girls to go through this at some point and rebel accordingly.

Mai rebels against her mother because her mother is the primary care-giver and source of rules. Rules do not equal lack of love/abuse. Ursa and Mai's mother require behaviour standards of their daughters (be polite in company – don't set your friends on fire) but I do not interpret this as a lack of love for their daughters.

Mai's mum might come off a bit shallow in this – and she's meant to. But she is a nice woman deep down. She wants the best for her daughter, in her own way. Social climbing and being an arse-kisser would have been a **survival strategy** in Ozai's firenation and probably in Azulon's firenation previously. That is the context in which Mai's mother grew up in. She wants to elevate their social status and position however she can – no matter who's arse she had to kiss.

I imagine that she would not have been keen when Mai first started dating Zuko, because at that point, even though he is a prince and he was back home – Zuko was still **the un-favourite.** He was always on thin ice with Ozai and everybody knew it. Mai's mother would be reluctant for her to form a relationship with him when it would not be that beneficial and could in fact be detrimental to their social status. She would have told Mai of this. Her mother's disapproval could have been an extra incentive for Mai to continue seeing Zuko. Then Mai's actions regarding Zuko get her whole family thrown in prison together. This prove Mai's mum "right". Mai's mum, like Katara,_ loves_ to be proved right – and Mai has heard **all about it** for months.

That is why Mai is so incredulous that her mother is singing Zuko's praises now and wanting them back together. She freely calls her mother out on her hypocrisy. Mai's mum knows she's a bit of a hypocrite – but this doesn't bother her overly. Mai has a bit of simmering anger at her mother because of this. She also has simmering anger at Zuko for letting her down. And when she gets drunk – she lets everyone know. Her speech was done to embarrass both Zuko and her mother and get back at them. This was not a calculated move. She did not think it through – she just did it.

Zuko tries to take her home and the end up having a big emotional talk in the hall. Zuko is pretty pissed off – but the second he sees how sick and just plain dreadful Mai is feeling – he puts his anger aside.

Zuko, for all his problems with his temper, is actually really quick to forgive/push his anger aside for someone else's needs. In _Siege of the North_ he is in a life or death duel with Zhao and is really angry at Zhao for that whole "trying to kill him" thing. But despite this – as soon as Zhao is in danger, Zuko drops the anger and actively tries to help him out. Out of all his other options (run away from the big blue water monster, be glad that the man who has been pretty consistently trying to hurt/kill him is meeting his demise) he chooses trying to save Zhao. I think that he would put Mai's need to vomit/the fact that she is starting to feel really dreadful – way ahead of his desire to blow a gasket at her. He'll be a gentleman and walk her home and try to make her feel better.

It's been said that Mai seems to emote much more around Zuko. (Still not enough for him – he still finds her emotionless, even after going out with her. Zuko does not really know Mai either). Zuko is frequently told how much "happier" Mai is with him. Canon actually backs this up. She smiles more and does seem more cheerful during some scenes with Zuko. I have her first genuine smile here in response to Zuko trying to cheer her up.

Zuko feels **responsible** for her "happiness." (and he takes his responsibilities seriously). That's a pretty big thing to put on his shoulders and places him in the "giver" role in their relationship - because while Mai likes him, she does not seem to feel equally responsible for his happiness. Zuko would see it as his duty to try and make her happy especially if she is **only emotional and happy with him** – also she has done a big sacrifice for him, saved his life and said that he owes her and it is the "honourable" thing to do. He is going to have a hard time saying no to that.

Also Mai throws a lot of the obligatory all-I-did-for-you mewlings that dumpees throw at dumpers in this conversation -to make Zuko aware of how "ungrateful" he is being with his reluctance to get back together. Mai did go to prison for him and he forgot her there and in Mai's opinion, this gives her some moral highground to make demands from. Her _you don't get to reject me now_ – would have been said in the same tone and with the same finger-pointing as _never break up with me again._ I think Mai would think that it is not fair that he is reluctant to even give their relationship another chance when she has been willing to sacrifice **so much** for him.

She would tell him plainly that him refusing her is not honourable. I said before that Mai may not know Zuko well, however I would like to add that she certainly knows him well enough to know how to get her own way with him. Mai knows to tap into his veritable well-spring of guilt, desire to please and feelings of inadequacy. I think those three things are constantly going on under the surface with Zuko.

This would work a treat. This argument, combined with the fact that Zuko feels responsible for her happiness, feels like her owes her a debt and has a tendency to discount his own feelings would be strong reasons why they would get back together. He's never happy after all– but he can make Mai happy without being overly concerned with whether Mai makes him happy in return.

Also Zuko thinks that Katara is not an option for him/the whole thing is too complicated. For Zuko, the crap-relationship he knows is better that the potentially crap relationship he doesn't. If you can't be with the one you love – love the one you're with – and all that. Also Mai has just confessed that she does care for him, in her own Mai way.

I needed more than an _I guess I kind of like you _from Mai. Her reasons for wanting him are more to do with how Zuko makes her feel (entertained/understood) than about Zuko himself. But there will be time for me to ramble about the implications of that later.

Zuko might intellectually decide that Mai makes the most sense for him. But it's a _head vs heart_ thing. He can't help how he feels about Katara. Throughout this chapter and during what is a rather stressful day for him – he has sought her out whenever he was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I actually think he would do this unconsciously now. During this series Zuko has gotten used to turning to Katara for his various emotional needs. Katara similarly does this to Zuko – because he is also her go-to person when she is feeling out of sorts.

Zuko is a bit of a stressball in this chapter and needs her support. She's the person he turns to when it's all a bit too much. She is actually very good at calming him down/cheering him up. Piandao advised him to try and find ways to relax – well no one helps relax Zuko and helps him put things in perspective like Katara. Katara has patience for all his various freakouts – that I just can't see Mai having. This is not to hate on Mai, but she is much more of a blunt/tough love kind of girl. She's not a patient- _lets talk about our feelings_ – kind of girl.

Despite their differences, Katara and Mai are civil and will continue to be civil to each other. Mostly because I **hate** the _two girls fighting over one guy_ trope immensely. Gah two intelligent girls fighting over one guy – kill it with fire! Katara will be jealous of Mai and Mai will be suspicious of Katara – but they won't make a big scene or fight overtly. I think that both Mai and Katara have _more class_ than that. While Katara won't admit it and will still be a bit bitchy in the way she writes about gloomy hairbuns – she actually finds Mai funny/clever. Mai is actually genuinely grateful to Katara for taking care of her brother and saving Zuko – and has a certain level of grudging respect for her. So these two girls aren't going to have a bitchy catfight over Zuko. (sorry for anyone who was expecting the two of them to come to blows).

Instead I can tell you that, next chapter Ming and her dad will show up. There will be issues with Ming, Bato and Hakoda. Zuko will continue to be a stressball, but will add worrying about people brain-reflexing about him naked to his list of activities. He will also get a little drunk (because what's the point of trying to maintain his dignity now?) and write lists. Aang will try and "woo" Ty Lee. Ty Lee will try to save the world with glitter and be** that girl. **Toph will be caught in a compromising position and Sokka will go all older-brotherly. Suki will try and restore order to the madness. There will be much dancing and shenanigans, Iroh will sing the hedgehog song, and we will get to see the end part of the coronation festivities.

Til then lovely readers...


	6. Auspicious occassion: Courage

0o0o0o0o0o0

The Auspicious Occasion of Zuko's Coronation.

Part 3: Courage

0o0o0o0o0o0

I stood motionless for a few moments, with my thoughts just a whir of confusion, until the enormous boom of fireworks took me out of my reverie. I walked out to the balcony to find the others. I actually saw Toph and Rozin first and that helped me find the others. She'd earthbender everyone a little platform but made the bit that she and Rozin were standing on a bit higher so he could see properly. They sat a head above the crowd, sitting next to each other. Their hands were by their sides, almost touching but not quite. Sokka had his arm around Suki's shoulders and her other hand was at his waist. My Dad had lifted Aang on his shoulders so that Aang didn't have to use all his energy hovering over everybody. I went to stand next to Dad. He smiled widely at me and gave my hair a light ruffle. Bato was next to him – but he was constantly scanning the crowd in the garden instead of watching the fireworks. Ty Lee was standing closer to my dad than I thought _strictly necessary_. A little separate from us were Rena and Rei and an old guy, who I presumed was their grandfather.

The fireworks display was certainly spectacular (at one point there was an entire rainbow of explosions). But I couldn't help but be preoccupied. I wanted Zuko to be here with me. Instead he was with friggin Gloomy Hairbuns. I was feeling cross and a bit lonesome. I leaned against my Dad and hoped that his strong and reassuring presence could drive the lonesome feeling away. But the two couples on this little platform seemed determined to fill my head with soppy thoughts.

Right in front of me, Sokka and Suki were so bloody couple-y and demonstrative. But they always had been. They had never been **so terrified** to say how they really felt that they ended up saying nothing at all and regretting it bitterly. They didn't let a moment pass them by.

Right next to me was Toph and Rozin and their little _handsy game._ I couldn't help but notice the way his hand hovered above hers, nervously, for the first part of the fireworks. But then there was a huge collection of starbursts – and he seemed to get confidence from that because he placed his hand lightly on top of hers. She turned her palm up and intertwined her fingers with his.

Even Rozin and Toph, who were way younger that Zuko and I, didn't **suck at this**. They weren't afraid of showing each other how they felt. Rozin had only known Toph **a day** before he was ready to declare in front of all of us that he _really liked_ her. I had known _really liked_ Zuko for much longer than one day – and I had never told him.

But really now! He should know! I don't know how much more obvious I can make it.

-o-

The fireworks ended in a big grand finale that earned many _ooohs_ and _aaahs _from the crowd. Bato saw Ming in the crowd with her Dad and started waving like a maniac. Ming's Dad is in a wheelchair and she was pushing him slowly over the cobblestones. My Dad and Bato went down to help her.

Zuko made it back just in time to _miss_ the end of the fireworks. He rushed out and joined us and asked if he had missed it – but seemed to pretty quickly gather that he had. He looked a little disappointed. I echoed what his Uncle had said_. There would be other fireworks._ Ty Lee was tilting her head and looking at Zuko and I with some confusion. She said that there wouldn't be any fireworks _**like coronation fireworks**__. _Zuko'd have to live until he was….. She did some maths on her fingers here and eventually exclaimed… _66!_ He'd have to wait until he was 66 and had a **golden jubilee** before he'd see anything like it again. Zuko snapped _thank you Ty Lee_ a little sarcastically.

This did not faze her. She asked, in that same confused tone, why would he miss his own fireworks? Where did he go? Zuko said he had to take Gloomy home because she was in **no fit state.** Ty Lee's eyes opened wide and she said _bollocks! I forgot Mai's water._ Zuko said he gathered that and asked where she had got too. Ty Lee twirled her hands together and said _well there was __**this guy**__ at the drinks table and…._Zuko waved a hand in front of his face and said _say no more._

Ty Lee had taken to carrying a wine bottle around Rena-style. She offered it to Zuko as a peace offering and he shrugged and said _fuck it – may as well. There's no point trying to maintain my dignity now._ He took a sip and handed it to me. I also took a sip before passing it back to Ty Lee. Ty Lee took it and asked how Mai was anyway. Zuko said _fine,_ but then amended _well sort of fine._ He said that he'd taken her home and she'd passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow and so physically she was fine but she'd not been herself...Ty Lee said_ I know what you mean. She said some weird things this morning when she visited me. _Zuko asked how she had seemed this morning – because she was talking a lot of drunk nonsense this evening – but if she was acting super weird when she was sober... Ty Lee took another swig, passed the bottle back to Zuko and said _I wouldn't say super weird. I just think she may have spent a little __**too **__much time with her mother._ Zuko sighed in a resigned fashion and said he had got that impression too.

Ty Lee got a worried look on her face and said _don't be angry at her!_ in a slightly scolding tone. Zuko said _I'm not even angry _in a bit of a defensive tone. ._..I'm just disappointed_ he added with weary resignation_._ Toph snorted a little and said _I love it when you're __**not angry, just disappointed**__. Someone always gets a very entertaining scolding. _

Toph said this would be his first _official scold_ as firelord – so he had to make it good. Who was he going to scold now? Aang looked a bit nervous and started to edge behind Sokka (possibly because he has been on the receiving end of the most Zuko-scoldings). Zuko said _don't worry Aang, you're fine _and gave Toph a look which she couldn't see. He took a bigger sip of the bottle and passed it to me and explained to Toph that **no one was getting a scolding.** He was just a bit disappointed because today was meant to be his **special day** and now it was a **big old mess** and everybody he talked to for the rest of the night would be imagining him **naked.**

Ty Lee, Rozin and I nodded sagely. But everyone else was confused and intrigued as they had missed Rena's naked brain-reflex theory. I explained about Rena's theory and the strategic use of the word naked. Zuko chimed in with his specific gripe and said _And now Mai has mentioned me naked in front of everyone and everyone here is brain-reflexing about me naked. I'll be talking to them and they'll just be thinking about me naked. _

Suki was the only one among us who had seen Zuko naked, and was also perhaps a little tipsy because she looked him up and down and said _trust me Zuko __you have __**nothing**__ to worry about._ Toph piped up that perhaps Zuko could improve his situation by not saying "me naked" so much. _Even I'm picturing you naked and I don't even know what you look like _she added. Rozin that Zuko had just said _me naked_ like three times_ -_ and thus perpetuating the brain-reflex and making it worse.

At that point Sokka slapped his head and said_ this is terrible -I'm picturing you naked now too! _I put my hands on my hips and admonished him. Zuko crossed his arms and said _Stop thinking about me naked! _Sokka said that it wasn't his fault. If Zuko hadn't been perpetuating the naked brain reflex then he wouldn't be naked in Sokka's head right now. Aang made a disgusted face and said _now even I'm doing it! and I am pretty sure the Avatar isn't meant to think about the firelord naked. That can't be good for universal balance._

Zuko looked beyond mortified next to me. I wanted to do something to fix this terrible naked brain-reflex situation and make it go away for him. I loudly said _look everyone needs to shut up right now and stop thinking about Zuko naked!_ I gave a small defensive speech about nudity and how we shouldn't stand about thinking about our friend naked. We should instead think on…_little birdies_ and _rainbows _and _our place in the universe_ and stuff like that. This speech was **slightly hypocritical** because I was thinking about Zuko naked **the entire time.**

Mmmmmhhhhhhh.

Thankfully everybody got distracted by the sparklers. Sparklers are like sticks of incense – except they don't smell and the tip of them glows and sparks like a little bit of firework. Zuko explained that most firenation celebrations had sparklers after the smoke from the fireworks had cleared. Firebending waiters were handing sparklers out instead of drinks. The others rushed off to get sparklers. Zuko hung back and I stayed with him.

He leaned against the balcony railing and asked if I would reconsider** bashing him in the head with a snack tray. **_Just one quick bash. Please__**.**_He thought snack tray bashing would be a fitting note to end the night on – because _what's one more humiliation_. My answer was still no.

I tried to cheer him up and said that it wasn't so bad. He said _it was worse!_ He was dying on embarrassment on the inside. How could he face anyone after Mai's _little speech?_ He had just wanted this night to be a **nice** and **dignified **start to his reign. He just really wanted things to go well tonight and not **blow up in his face** like everything else **always did.**

I joked that it wasn't that undignified because his Uncle hadn't even sung the hedgehog song yet. Zuko shook his head and said _well it's only a matter of time._ I scooted closer and put am arm around his shoulders and said that he was worrying too much. Everything was going fine. He snorted derisively at that. I elaborated my point. I said that everyone would remember the awesome fireworks and not Mai's speech. And the sparklers would surely distract our little group enough from the naked brain reflex. And everyone was having **fun.**

I pointed at were the other's were playing with their sparklers on the lawn. Sokka and Suki were both drawing big soppy hearts and Toph was sitting next to Rozin and Aang. She was bending the metal in a small bunch of sparklers and then handing them over to Aang to light. The boys would_ ooh_ and _aah _at the shapes she had bent them into. Zuko smiled slightly when he saw how much fun the others were having with the sparklers.

I gave him a little squeeze said that I knew he was _hoping_ for a dignified event – but maybe this was _better._ Everyone was having a **fantastic **time. People of all nations were merry and mixing together and enjoying each other's company. Wasn't that the best outcome of all? For the briefest second, he put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a little reciprocal squeeze and said I was right (again! I love being right).

Bato coughed noisily behind us and we both whipped around. Bato, Dad and Ming were all standing there. Ming was standing behind a wheelchair. In the chair sat an older firenation gentleman with warm eyes and a warmer smile. He looked completely ordinary until I saw that he had no legs from the knee down. Oh my gosh! When Ming had said that his legs had been injured beyond repair, I never dreamed she meant this.

Sergeant Crane was slightly nervous at first because, it is apparently very irregular for a person from "his class" to address the firelord without kneeling – he still bowed a little awkwardly in his chair. Zuko waved that concern off instantly and looked horrified for a split second that a man without much in the way of knees would worry about kneeling before him. Zuko said that he should bow to Sergeant Crane, as Sergeant Crane was both his elder and a survivor of the Battle of Flint and Steel Bay.

Zuko introduced me as **My Katara **again. (frantic backpedalling and _oh no, I meant my good friend Katara_ etc. ensued again). The first time he said it, in front of Fat, in had been endlessly adorable and sweet. And it kind of made me really happy. Even though I haven't told him yet, I still think of him as **my Zuko. **I was kind of glad to know that I wasn't alone in this feeling– in thinking he belonged to me. belonged with me.

This time he had said it in front of my Dad and so it was less incredibly endearing. It was, in fact, incredibly embarrassing. I would even go as far as saying it was potentially hazardous for Zuko's health. Dad gave Zuko **that look** that he has. It was the look he used to give me and Sokka when he found us snacking on the winter rations of jerky. The atmosphere got awkward.

Sergeant Crane cleared his throat and said that he did not wish to take up too much of Zuko's time, on what was, no doubt, an extremely busy evening for him – however he just wanted to thank Zuko for what Zuko had said when he spoke out for the common soldiers. Zuko looked a bit embarrassed and put his hands in his pockets. He said that Sergeant Crane didn't need to thank him. Zuko had just said what anyone else would have said in his position. Sergeant Crane said_ I loathe to disagree with royalty, but you spoke out for what was right, in a room full of seasoned generals who were all at least four times your age and all too scared to utter a peep. That does deserve some commendation in my book. _ And then he smiled a nice big friendly smile at Zuko and bowed again in his chair. Zuko smiled back shyly and bowed in return. Then Sergeant Crane bowed again out of politeness – so Zuko bowed again. I have a horrible suspicion that they would have just kept bowing at each other out of politeness if Uncle had not interrupted.

Uncle blustered over happily. He very enthusiastically greeted Ming and her father and welcomed them to the party. Then Iroh threw his arm around Zuko and said that he had to _borrow_ him temporarily, because he had some one Zuko _had_ to meet. Zuko said in a whisper (but we all still heard) that his Uncle had promised him he didn't have to meet any more politicians tonight. Uncle Iroh said this man wasn't a politician. This was his special surprise for Zuko. Zuko gave his uncle a skeptical look and said _you know how I feel about surprises._ Iroh assured him that he would** like** this surprise. We made our polite excuses and left.

Zuko and I fell in step behind Iroh. He smiled at me and asked me if I would keep a snack tray handy to **bash him with** if this person was too annoying. I said _what is it with you and snack tray bashing?_ Zuko said that unconsciousness was** preferable** to talking to politicians and snack tray bashing seemed the easiest route to his desired state of unconsciousness.

I said that there were other, less painful ways of getting out of talking to politicians that did not jeopardize his brain cells. We walked indoors and I was struck by an idea. I suggested that if he really didn't want to talk to whoever this person was – he could give me a signal and I would feign some sort of fashionable womanly illness (womanly illnesses **always **go unquestioned by menfolk). Zuko could then say that he would love to chat to whoever it was – but he had to take me outside to get some air. Voila! In my plan Zuko would be out of the conversation, outside and **not unconscious.**

I am so wily.

-o-

But it turned out, Zuko actually did like his surprise guest. Iroh brought him over and as soon as Zuko saw him approaching, his eyes widened and he whispered _Jee?_ This Jee looked really familiar, but I couldn't quite place him. Jee came over quickly and he seemed a bit happy to see Zuko. Zuko seemed beyond surprised. He said _Jee! I can't believe it! I thought you were dead!_ Jee smiled and said _I thought you were dead too – yet here we are. _I got the feeling that if they both had not being firenation (and thus **really thingy** about showing affection) they would have hugged. But instead they smiled and bowed a lot.

Zuko introduced me to Jee as _My Katara_ **again.** Then he muttered _agni-damnit_ in frustration with himself – before the usual backpedalling ensued. Jee made an absolutely incredulous face at Zuko. Zuko in an attempted to "make it better" said _just regular Katara, who is my friend – this is Lieutenant Jee. He was first officer on my ship. _So that's why Jee looked familiar.

Jee seemed unable to resist the bait dangled before him. He bowed deeply at me and said _**Just Regular Katara**__ (_like it was my full name)_, it is an honour to properly make you acquaintance._ I bowed back and couldn't help but smile wide. I told Jee that I normally just went by Katara. A snort escaped from Iroh's lips. I looked over at him and his face had gone bright red from trying not to laugh. His shoulders were shaking like he had the winter chills. Really hilarious winter chills.

Zuko tried to change the subject and said that he couldn't believe Jee had survived the Siege of the North. He wanted to know if Jee knew who else from the crew had made it – because all the records were so scatty and inconclusive. Jee looked a bit ill at ease and explained that he hadn't actually been in the Siege of the North. He'd been in a military prison holding cell. Zuko looked really surprised and asked _why?_

Jee explained that Zuko knew that Jee had a talent for what was, occasionally, _unappreciated_ frankness. Zuko nodded. Jee said _Well it turns out, Zhao had even less appreciation for my frankness than you._ Jee said that on his first hour aboard Zhao's ship, once again in the state of perpetual misery that was life under Zhao's command, he decided he was going to tell Zhao **exactly what he thought of him.** Zhao then had Jee locked up for insubordination, accordingly.

There was some more talk about Zhao and what a toadying prat he was (it turns out that everyone in this little group disliked him intensely). Jee described him as a man who had lived with his head shoved so far up Ozai's arse – he could legitimately be classed as a parasitic life-form and not a person in his own right. There was some more talk about the long days they all spent together at sea. Jee, like Uncle, also seemed to also** delight** in sharing little embarrassing tidbits about Zuko with me.

Apparently their ship had a tank at one point. Jee had tried to teach Zuko how to drive it. Unsuccessfully. Zuko got a bit defensive and said it wasn't even his fault! _The stupid clutch thingamagiga wasn't working. _Jee hid a smile and said that he thought it would have worked, if Zuko had asked it nicely. Zuko protested. Jee snarked. I get the feeling that this was an old argument between the two of them.

-o-

Aang joined us. He was looking for Ty Lee and wondering if Zuko and I had seen her. He was introduced to Jee. Conversation stopped being about shipboard shenanigans and moved on to the party at Aang's arrival. At first it was just the regular small talk. (_ooh what a great party, what nice decorations etc_). Until Jee offered that Iroh always had a flair for organising parties and music night on the ship. Jee told Iroh he had always loved Iroh's rendition of **the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.**Zuko quickly snapped _don't encourage him!_ and shot Jee a warning look.

Aang piped up that he didn't understand why Zuko hated the song so much. It was a great tale about a lazy hedgehog and it had a nice moral. Zuko looked confused for a second and then said _Aang it's not about a laz ..._ he trailed off. It looked like he contemplating how _awkward _explaining what the hedgehog song was **actually about** to Aang would be. He promptly decided_ against_ this course of action and simply said that he _really didn't like hedgehogs_ – lamely.

Aang offered that he thought it was a great song and he had really enjoyed the group sing along with the water tribe the other night. The hedgehog song actually had the same tune to this other song about airnomads. I (foolishly, in hindsight) asked what song he was talking about. Aang explained that his cellmates in Chin taught it to him. Zuko said _cellmates in Chin?_ With a look of confusion. I whispered that it was a _long story_ and I would tell him later.

Aang said that he'd been locked up with these guys and they were really nice and they'd made great friends. His cell mates wanted to sing him an Airnomad song for luck before his hearing – as that was a big air nomad tradition. But the only song that they knew about airnomands was one called **the Monk's staff has a big knob on the end.**

The look on everyone's face was priceless.

We all made various attempts at stifling our laughter (some were more successful than others). Aang was looking at us in confusion and asked _what's so funny?_ His cell mates in prison told him it was very spiritual song – about progressing through life to the point where you get a knob on the end of your staff.

This was once again too much.

Zuko regained himself first (yes, even he had been laughing. He tries to pretend he's so serious all the time, but even he couldn't resist having a little giggle about this). He apologised to Aang and said it was an accidentally reference to a tasteless firenation joke... that he had told me... That was why I was also doubled over laughing. But we were all **very bad** for laughing and should try and stop laughing... any minute now.

Aang offered to sing it for everyone now – so we could get a better spiritual understanding of it. Zuko quickly nixed that idea. He suggested that Aang restart the dance party instead. Evidently Zuko would find a dance party preferable to trying to keep a straight face through **the Monk's staff has a big knob on the end**. The speeches were over and Aang had been wanting to make this event into a dance party and _fix people with dance_ since this morning. He was clutching at straws here – but it worked. Aang scooted off towards the band.

-o-

Dance party was more successful this time around, possibly because everyone was in a more **advanced stage of inebriation** at this stage. People danced mostly in pairs. Aang had found Ty Lee and they were flipping around together. Sokka was swaying awkwardly on his crutches and showing Suki some watertribe dances like _the fishing dance._ It is good because Sokka doesn't have to move so much. Sokka cast his imaginary fishing line and Suki went a short distance away and pretended she was a fish and Sokka had "caught" her. Rena was multitasking. She was dancing with Hanook while she berated him quite spiritedly. Rei had also made "friends" with one of the young earthbenders. Haru was swinging Hatsu around the floor in a dapper fashion. Fat and Piandao were doing an exaggerated waltz. Iroh had many partners and would dance a short spell with each of them in turn. Ming and Bato were slow dancing to their own beat.

Zuko absconded like the sneaky ninja he is. I lost track of him and went looking for him. I checked inside the ballroom and had no luck. I started looking outside. On the terrace I saw my father and Sergeant Crane sitting next to each other and sharing a bottle of something. They were both a little tipsy and leaning on each other and talking deeply and philosophically. Then Dad looked inside and saw that everyone was dancing.

They must have seen Ming and Bato on the dancefloor together because Sergeant Crane remarked that Bato and Ming made a beautiful couple. My Dad made a non-committal noise – but his displeasure was evident. Sergeant Crane said _you disapprove?_ My Dad said that of course he did – and he couldn't believe that the Sergeant didn't. Sergeant Crane poured himself another glass and said he would never disapprove of something that made his daughter **so happy.**

Dad shrugged and said that now Sergeant Crane was making him sound like **the bad guy.** Of course he wanted them to be happy – he just doubted very much that they would make each other happy in the long run. Dad downed his drink for emphasis. Sergeant Crane asked _why?_ Dad said _because she's firenation and he's watertribe. Love is a many splendid thing and all – but we should be realistic about these things. They are too different. _Dad said that he just couldn't see how it could possibly work out well.

Sergeant Crane poured Dad and himself another measure. Then said my dad had a point about the difficulties that faced Bato and Ming. He said that he hadn't been pleased when Ming first told him – because he knew how many obstacles stood in their way. Dad raised his glass in agreement.

Sergeant Crane said that _he would never be one of those things that stood in their way. _Dad looked confused. Sergeant Crane explained that his opinion changed as soon as he saw them together. He hadn't seen Ming this _happy_ since her mother had died. Dad confessed quietly that he couldn't remember when he had last seen Bato this happy – but that was what made him worry more. If it ended badly – they would both be heartbroken and my Dad didn't want that for them.

Dad said that he and Sergeant Crane were **men of the world** (whatever that means) they both knew that _love isn't always enough._ More drinks were poured. Sergeant Crane said that sometimes love wasn't enough- but sometimes love was the very thing that made life worth living. My Dad reluctantly agreed.

Sergeant Crane said that in the firenation they had a saying; _a ship in the harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. _ Love could be a scary thing, but would my Dad prefer that Bato and Ming were both too scared to ever take a chance on it? Sergeant Crane thought Ming and Bato were _very brave_ for taking such a chance. Even if it didn't work out – at least they would never look back and wonder. Regret was much more bitter and long lasting than heartbreak in his opinion.

Dad nodded in agreement and said _well perhaps being loved is something worth getting your heart broken for._ Sergeant Crane smiled at him and said he couldn't agree more.

-o-

I found Zuko sometime later – hiding in the jasmine garden (well he claimed he wasn't hiding, he was just resting.) He was sitting in meditation pose behind the jasmine bush. I went and sat next to him and asked why he was hiding all by his lonesome over here – which gave him a bit of a startle. He jumped a bit – but then smiled when he saw it was me. He said that want he really wanted to have few minutes of **solitude** and** peace** and** quiet** and just** plain old sanity **in what had been a really _hectic and crazy day._

When he said solitude, I thought he wanted to be alone. I asked him if he wanted me to go. He looked really tired actually and I know sometimes he likes to have his mopes solo. All the same I hoped he didn't want me to go because I had caught him on his own – by sheer dumb luck. I had been hoping I'd get a chance to speak to him properly on his own all day, but I didn't think I'd get a chance.

Zuko said of course I could stay... but could we just be quiet for a few minutes because he was _all done in _and had nothing left to say. Constantly talking to people was just plain old **tiring**. So he was **retiring **because he was **tired.** I nodded at this. We sat in silence, and scooched around so that I could see back into the hall where everybody was dancing.

I saw everyone spinning around, so uninhibited and free. I felt an emotion that I couldn't quite place at first. Then I realised it was envy. Because I rarely have a thought I don't share with Zuko– I leaned over and broke the **no talking** rule – but Zuko didn't seem to mind. I said that I wished I could dance like that and just _not care_ what any one thought of me. Zuko nodded and said _me too._

Why couldn't we, really? Was my fear of looking like a goose that strong? Dancing in public is incredibly exposing and intimidating. Truth is, I am actually a pretty good dancer. Dancing is a big tradition in tribe. I know how to move my body well. But when Aang threw that secret dance party, I had sat on the sidelines practically the whole night.

I pretended it was because I disapproved – and partly I did. Aang had kept dismissing us for his new friends and holding the party was incredibly irresponsible. Also his need for the others students' adoration worried me and reminded me of how he acted on Kyoshi. So it was easy for me to feign disapproval. But secretly, I was paralysed by the fear that everyone in the cave would judge me terribly.

Then Aang had pulled me out of my seat and we had a little dance, and I knew he wasn't just going to forget about us (his old friends) like he had on Kyoshi. Everybody had watched us dance with admiration and awe and that made me feel a little better. I still felt self-conscious because they were all watching us – but I couldn't help but feel thrilled when they all broke into applause.

Toph and Sokka had been feeling thrilled most of the night. I had seen them go off into their own little corner and whoop it up. They did the funky chicken and the fishing dance and they didn't give a damn what anyone thought. And Aang felt thrilled the whole night. His infectious enthusiasm encouraged everybody else to let loose and be a little free.

Who got the most out of that evening? Hell, who got the most out of their _life?_ Someone who hangs back for fear of looking like a goose, or somebody who just dives right in and goes for it?

It was silly to be scared. We were supposed to be the brave ones after all. Zuko might not want to talk right now – but you didn't need to talk to dance. I was a little tipsy and that gave me some extra courage. I nudged him and asked if he wanted to dance. He got a bit awkward and said _I'm firenation, I don't dance._ I pointed out that plenty of firenation people were dancing. Zuko retorted that plenty of firenation people were **drunk off their trolleys.** True. I pointed out that Zuko wasn't a pillar of sobriety himself at the moment. Zuko smiled at me and said _also true. _

Zuko looked at me shyly and said that he'd love to, but he'd just be _too embarrassed_ and this night had already been embarrassing enough. I said _there's no one to be embarrassed in front of. There's just me_. Then I made my **polardog eyes** at him. Dad calls it my secret weapon – because no one can refuse the polar dog eyes. Zuko huffed _now you're just cheating._ But he got up and offered me his hand.

He was really awkward at first. I remembered how shy I had been at Aang's dance party – and how he told me to think of it as a kata or sparring but without the bending. I tried that. I said Zuko should think of it like sparring. Zuko smiled cheekily at me and said _Well most of our sparring sessions ended with you __**tickling me into submission**__ – and I've never seen a dance that looked like that. _

I threatened to tickle him into submission now – if he didn't put in more of an effort on the dancing front. He smiled and muttered _you are not the boss of me_ – but he held his arms out in the normal two-step position. I raised an eyebrow in surprise. I thought he said he didn't know how to dance. Zuko corrected me. He had just said he didn't dance. He had never said that he didn't know **how** to dance.

Zuko grinned at me ruefully and said that he still wasn't any good – he'd only ever had three dance lessons **enforced **upon him. Azula had a massive tantrum of epic proportions during the third lesson and set all the instruments and one musician's shoes on fire. So dancing lessons had been cancelled.

I can see why.

I held one of his hands and wrapped one arm around his waist. We were all pressed up against each other. Much more than was strictly necessary for dancing. In fact we weren't really dancing anyway. We were just sort of hugging and shuffling our feet. I leant my forehead at the base of his neck – and I felt him gulp.

I thought I had been given another chance to tell him what I was going to say this morning. I'd never get a more prefect moment that this. There were lanterns and pretty music and we were dancing all close. My heart was hammering like a crazy. But I was feeling brave. Dad was right – some things are worth taking a chance on and possibly getting your heart broken for.

But Zuko cleared his throat and said that he had _something he wanted to tell me_ before I had a chance to say anything. I thought for an exciting second that maybe he was going to say the same thing to me. Perhaps the lantern light and the dance was all having a similar affect on him. I waited for him to say something. Zuko said _I've been meaning to tell you...I just wanted to say...errr_...he trailed off and my breath caught in my throat. Eventually he settled on ..._thank you._

Thanks? Boo!

He saw my disappointed expression and elaborated further and said that he really wanted me to know how much he..._appreciated _me for being so supportive today. Today had been **an intense day** for him and he'd have never been able to make it through _this whole thing_ without me.

It was a sweet thing to say. I like knowing that people can't do without me. I really did. But I had been expecting a love confession and not a thank you – as a result I was a little disappointed in the thank you.

Then I realised that I was probably a little tipsy and getting ahead of myself. I shouldn't just _expect_ a love confession when I had no idea how things stood between him and Gloomy Hairbuns. I should find that out first – before I expected any grand declarations fro him. Certainly before I made any grand declarations myself.

I was just about to ask him about frigging Gloomy Hairbuns – when there was the most** tremendous crashing **from around the fountain. I heard Toph shriek and a splash and a cavalcade of yelling. Zuko and I broke apart and said _Toph!_ in unison and tore off towards the direction of the fountain.

-o-

So Sokka and Suki caught Toph and Rozin making out... or kissing... or just holding hands (depending on who you talk to. I got a different story from everyone.) Anyway Zuko and I burst onto the scene and saw watery chaos before us.

Everyone had ended up in the fountain. Sokka's cast has gotten all wet and I **know** that is not good for it! He was lying in the fountain – his crutches fallen by the wayside. Though he was immobile, he was threatening Rozin quite spiritedly. Rozin was responding by splashing Sokka with equal spirit. Toph was threatening Sokka with her awesomeness and Suki was trying to encourage every one to get out of the fountain and calm down. There was much noise and chaos.

Zuko shouted for everyone to **shut up!** And seemed secretly pleased with himself when everyone did so. Zuko helped Suki lift Sokka out of the fountain and I dried off Rozin and Toph with my bending – before I started on Sokka. The story came out – though Sokka and Toph kept speaking over each other. Sokka and Suki had come out looking for a make out place and had found Toph and Rozin by the fountain.

Here the stories diverged.

Toph, blushing bright red, claimed that she and Rozin weren't doing anything but _holding hands_ and then Sokka went off his nut and attacked Rozin and pushed him into the fountain. Rozin agrees with Toph's version of events.

Sokka (who is slightly to very drunk) claims that he came out and saw that Rozin was **molesting Toph's face** against her will. It seemed to Sokka like Toph was an unwilling participant in _face molestation._ Because Toph is his Toph – he had to protect her! Toph didn't bother bending – but strode up to him and kicked him in his good leg in response to this statement/his overprotective behaviour and called him an idiot.

Suki (very very drunk) said _I think it is so sweet – young love. They were just kissing, bless 'em! But then Sokka got __**so mad**__ and we all got __**so wet.**_ Sokka said that **it wasn't sweet**. He pointed at Rozin and said _he was molesting Toph's face and taking advantage of her._ Toph protested that she hadn't been taken advantage of!

I told everyone to calm down – this just sounded like a silly (and wet) drunken misunderstanding. I tried to ask Toph a few questions about what had happened – for clarification. I didn't want her making out with someone if she was drunk or unwilling after all. But she seemed pretty sober in her answers to my questions. However she was blushing bright red in mortification and claimed that **we were all the most embarrassing people who ever lived.**

Zuko also tried to _make it better._ He told Toph that now that had been cleared up - all of us would try and give _her some space_, _respect her right to molest Rozin's face_ and _not be nosy-bastards._ I turned to him and said _we will?_ in surprise. Look, **being nosy is my thing.** It's my thing that I do. I don't know if I can give it up on whim. And I have always been nosy and in Toph's business.

Zuko said we would because Toph was obvious a bit irate at everyone being nosy. Toph crossed her arms behind him and said _yeah_ emphatically in agreement. Zuko added that maybe Toph would prefer to keep this sort of thing private. Toph once again said _yeah!_ Zuko said that maybe she just didn't want to answer our questions now. There was another _yeah _from Toph. Zuko said _a__nd maybe she doesn't like everyone asking about threesomes and sexual preferences and looking me up and down and making the __**how-about-it-face**__ at me. _ Toph dropped her arms and stepped back from him and said _Err what? No, that's not my problem! _

-o-

Tylee flipped into the middle of the schmozzle like a drunken pink tornado, announcing that she had just had **the greatest epiphany!** She was followed by Aang on the air scooter – who had also been informed of this epiphany. She babbled at us that she had an idea **that could save the world!** _The avatar thinks we can fix the firenation with dance! I know something even better than dancing for fixing the firenation!_ Zuko indulged her and asked her _what is it?_ She said she couldn't tell him because it was a surprise! But she had a plan. _All Aang and I need is some glue, some pink glitter, about 18 big bits of cardboard and Appa! _

Zuko appeared nonplussed by this and told her there was a stationary cupboard on the third door on the right, along the second floor of the east wing. She hugged him and thanked him and declared that she and Aang were off to _make the firenation a better place to live._ She and Aang strolled off together –with almost matching bouncy walks. We all watched them in bafflement.

Sokka said _how is this going to work out?_ I asked if a responsible adult should go with them. Zuko shrugged and said_ it's cool._ He was familiar with Ty Lee's plans. _They'll come back in a bit, covered in glitter and perhaps stuck together. But no great harm will come to them or the firenation._

They actually came back less than ten seconds later, with Ty Lee saying _Zuuuuuuuko, which one is the east wing? _(it really annoys me the way she drawls out the 'u' sound.) Zuko offered to show them, said he would see us all later and went off to save the world with glitter.

-o-

Toph and Rozin had used Ty Lee's distraction to beat a hasty retreat – I did not blame them. Had I been in Toph's shoes I would have **run away** too. Or hidden in my bed and died from embarrassment. Sokka was a bit worried about her and Rozin, but Suki and I shushed him and cajoled him back inside to where there were more chairs and meaty snacks. Suki went to get him snacks – while I tried to fix his cast and bend all the water out of it that I could.

We had a small chat about his over-reaction with Toph and Rozin. Sokka was a bit sheepish and had realised his error. He said, in his defence, that he just felt so protective of Toph. She thought she was so tough – but she was so little. When he thought that Rozin had been taking advantage of her against her consent – he just went **a bit nuts** and fountain tackling had ensued. I said that I didn't think any one could take advantage of Toph that way. She knew her own mind – and if she wanted to be kissing Rozin – then that was nice for her.

Sokka nodded and said that he knew that. He just _liked _playing older brother to her – but now she was kissing boys and growing up and _soon she wouldn't need him any more._ He just wanted to look out for her while she still let him. I told him not to be silly – I was much older than Toph and I still needed my idiotic big brother around. This was the right thing to say. We had a nice hug.

-o-

During the course of the night Sergeant Crane had met Teo. A most illustrious meeting it was. Due to reasons only known by Teo – he had seen fit to challenge Sergeant Crane to a wheelchair race. Sergeant Crane had accepted. There were shenanigans.

A small course was set up around the perimeter of the room and they raced around the ballroom a couple of times – to the cheers of the crowd. Teo won but I have a sneaking suspicion Sergeant Crane let him win. They then decided to make the race a real "challenge" and have a "passenger." The Duke was elected as Teo's passanger and Bato was chosen to accompany Sergeant Crane. A very undignified race ensued.

Ming and my Dad had joined us and watched the races with us and cheered loudly and proudly for Bato and her Dad. In-between races, Ming asked if she could talk to my Dad momentarily. They went off a little to the side. Sokka and Suki and I eavesdropped (as we do).

Ming said that she had been meaning to talk to my Dad for a while. She paused before jumping in with her speech. Dad was Bato's best friend. But he hadn't really warmed to her – they hadn't gotten friendly and she knew that he disapproved of her. But she just wanted to take the time to say that _she hoped that could change. _She would very much like it if they could be friends. It would mean a lot to Bato if they could at least try.

Dad looked a bit put on the spot and crossed his arms and leaned back on the chair – but agreed that they could try and be friends. They came back over and we all abruptly focused back on the dance floor and pretended we hadn't been listening. But I don't think my Dad was fooled.

-o-

Ty Lee and Aang came back over – absolutely **covered in glitter** and **stuck together.** The plan _hadn't worked _apparently. I set about trying to separate the two of them and scolded them slightly for making such a mess. I asked them where Zuko had got to. He had gone off with them to show them where this arse-ton of glitter was. But he hadn't come back yet.

Ty Lee and Aang shrugged – they weren't sure. He had showed them the cupboard, but then left. Ty Lee said that she thought he'd be in the rice and dried goods pantry near the kitchen, if he was anywhere. He'd told her he just wanted to have a few minutes alone to get his head together – and the pantry was where they had gone when they were looking for a hiding space away from Azula when they were kids. It was the best hiding space. Rice bags on the bottom level made great pillows and it had endless snacks. I thanked her and got up to find him.

-o-

Ty Lee was actually right. He was in the pantry. Curled up **sound asleep** on a rice bag. He looks so sweet and peaceful when he sleeps. I almost didn't want to wake him up. He was so exhausted – and this had been an intense day for him. But he shouldn't sleep on rice bags – that wouldn't be comfortable. He'd get a major pain in his neck and** complain** all morning tomorrow if I didn't wake him up. I was about to wake him up when I noticed a piece of paper in curled in his hand. I was a bit curious – and I gently took it out of his grasp so I could have a little read. Not in a snooping way, just in a curious way.

-o-

_**Why I hate fancy parties – in numbers. **_

_Number of times I thought the person I was conversing with was imagining me naked: 143_

_Number of times knew the person I was talking to was lying shamelessly about __**always being on my side**__: 139_

_Number of times I felt awkward when old firenation nobles would try to talk to me __**on my level**__:137_

_Number of times extremely old people said __**flameo hotman**__ to me in vain attempt at talking to me __**on my level**__: 121 (this is not surpassed by the amount of times that Aang said __**flameo hotman**__. but he is technically 112 and by that technicality he is the oldest person here. He isn't saying it in some shallow attempt at being __**hip**__ and talking __**on my level**__. He is in fact talking on __**his own level**__ (which I imagine is a very special level filled with rainbows and puppies). Therefore he is excused. _

_Number of times felt awkward with everybody flattering me insincerely: 111_

_Number of times felt awkward about being propositioned for a threesome: 8_

_Number of threesomes propositioned: 8 _

_Number of times asked about my scars etc: 123_

_Number of times asked about the avatar: 117_

_Number of comparisons made between me and my father: 112_

_Number of comparisons made between me and my uncle: 111_

_Number of comparisons made between me and Lu Ten: 84_

_Number of comparisons made between me and Azula: 70_

_Number of comparisons made between me and Sokka: 62 (?)_

_Number of times asked if Sokka is my actual brother: 30 (?)_

_note: Lady Cheng my seems to be under the impression that Sokka is actually my brother and that he is some sort of royal byblow of my father's and some water tribe lady. She cannot be dissuaded from this impression. Sokka has convinced her that in the water tribes it is customary to give royal bastard children gold pieces whenever you see them. He has received many gold pieces during the evening. I got a bit scoldy with him regarding this, but he put an arm around my shoulder and said __**this is what brothers do.**__ Why me!_

_Number of times wanted the earth to swallow me whole during Mai's __**little speech:**__ 9_

_Number of times I accidentally called Katara __**My Katara**__ (thus making an idiot of myself and ensuring that she thinks I am some sort of __**Neanderthal goonface.**__ I know how she feels about boys claiming her – but every time I introduced her, I'd just go __**blah**__ and __**My Katara**__ would come out): 3_

_Number of times I called Katara __**My Katara**__ in front of her father: 1 (but one is all it takes for Sir Hakoda to make __**that face**__ at me. I feel like he is definitely going to do something terrible to me at some future date. And I'll never be able to see it coming because he is the wiliest person in the entire world.) _

_Number of fire wines drunk : too many_

_Reason for the too many firewines is:_

_Number of times asked about my marital status: 9718!_

_Bollocks it all. I don't even know. Mai does want me back, but I just... I don't feel the same as I did before. I'm confused. I mean if I… I know who I...This is impossible. Bugger it._

_Soon as the coast is clear, I'm off to drown myself in the bath. _

_Or in fire wine. _

_Whichever is easier._

_I don't really mind at this point._

-o-

I tucked it back into his hand and gave him a gently poke. He jumped up startled, and said _what's going on! _With some alarm. Then he saw it was me and he seemed to relax a bit. I told him that he had just gone to sleep in the rice and drued goods pantry. Zuko looked a bit sheepish and said that he had been just meaning to _rest his eyes_ for a second. But he was _so exhausted._ I said I knew – but I was sure everyone would be going home soon. It was really late. Zuko nodded. I asked if he was ready to go out and be a gracious host again. He took a deep breath and gave himself a little shake and said that he was ready.

-o-

We rejoined the others. Aang was trying to pick all the glitter out of Ty Lee's hair. Ty Lee took one look at Zuko's sleep ruffled hair and asked him if he'd had a good _pantry nap _cheekily. Zuko smiled at her and said _oh quiet you! _ Ty Lee asked if he remembered how they always used to hide there as kids and plan to run away to the circus together. Zuko nodded. Aang seemed surprised about this and said _you did!_

Zuko explained that it was just a joke between them. Ty Lee said it was their back-up plan in all seriousness. They used to hide from Azula when she was being **impossible** and one day they made a pact that if life ever got too terrible and miserable and lonely for one of them – they'd both run away to the circus together. Aang was very surprised at this. I was as well to be honest.

I said, incredulously, _that was your plan? _Zuko shrugged and said_ it seemed as good a plan as any. _ He added that he and Ty Lee had both gotten the first place award for acrobatics in their respective classes three years in a row. Ty Lee echoed _three years in a row_ and offered her hand for a high five – but they were both a little tipsy and totally missed. It ended up as a really lame airswing for two such **acrobatic** people. They tried high fiving again and were successful.

Zuko tried to cover the lame airswing and said that it wasn't that unusual – didn't every kid think running away to the circus would solve all their problems? Ty Lee said cheerfully that it had _solved all of hers._ I kind of envy the fact that all of Ty Lee's problems could be solved by an excess of cartwheeling.

-o-

Ty Lee decided that we all needed **more drinks** and went off to get them. Aang watched her go with a very soppy look in his eyes. _Uh oh._ I knew he had a crush on her – but now I was concerned about him. I knew Ty Lee did not reciprocate his feelings and had a massive crush on my Dad (still grossed out by that).

Aang was, I fear, a _little drunk_ and thus his inhibitions were a lot lower. They are already low to begin with – but Aang just **let it all hang out** in this conversation. He sighed soppily after Ty Lee and then asked Zuko and I _how we knew if we were in love._ We were both a bit **taken aback** by the directness of the question. There was some frantic blushing and an awkward pause – which thankfully Aang filled. He said that he had been **wooing **Ty Lee all night (Aang is the only 12 year old I know who can get away with saying **wooing**) – and he thought he loved her but he wasn't sure.

Zuko said that he didn't think Aang could decide that he loved someone after one night because _real love took time_. Aang disagreed. He said _no it doesn't – I decided I loved Katara after a minute_. Aang pointed at me to further illustrate his point.

The most awkward silence ensued.

This was possibly **the most awkward minute of my life!** And I have known my fair share of awkward. In one sentence Aang had managed to both **confess** his love and** dismiss** his love for me and I had no idea how to react to that. I hoped if I just **ignored** this moment and didn't react to it – it would go away.

It did – thanks to Aang's obliviousness/drunkness. He kept continuing on with his point, as if the awkward moment had never occurred. Aang said that he had known Ty Lee for _many minutes_ and now he had decided that she was his _forever girl._

**Forever girl?** Oh hell no!

I quickly told Aang that he should _never call Ty Lee his forever girl_. Any thinking girl would not be able to lace up her shoes and head for the hills fast enough upon being called someone's forever girl. Zuko also tried to dissuade Aang from his Ty Lee infatuation. He told Aang gently that Ty Lee wasn't a _forever girl_ kind of girl. She wasn't looking for forever right now – and maybe Aang would be better off not expecting too much. Did Aang understand what he was saying?

Aang looked confused and seemed to think Zuko's problem was with the name _forever girl._ He asked if calling Ty Lee _the eternal flame of his heart _would be better/more culturally appropriate because she was from the firenation. Aang wanted to be culturally appropriate when he confessed his love.

Zuko looked aghast and said _oh, bugger it! I can't do this._ He fossicked in his pockets and pulled out one of the red coupons from this morning. It said **one coupon for FREE LOVE ADVICE – from esteemed LOVE Expert – General Iroh.** Zuko handed it to Aang quickly and told him to _take it_ because Aang needed it more than Zuko. He said that Aang should go and ask his Uncle about this sort of thing** before** he said **anything **to Ty Lee.

We all glanced at General Iroh, who was swaying in the middle of a group of people from all the nations who had their arms around each other in one big drunken, manly huddle**.** Iroh sang loudly _**though the elephant rat is really quite small - the hedgehog can never be buggered at aaaaall!**_ Zuko turned back to Aang, horrified, and said _maybe don't ask him right now._

-o-

The rest of the night wound down not long after that. Ty Lee came over and sat right between Zuko and I. Boo. Aang told her was going to sing for her and she greeted this with her usual enthusiasm. Aang went over to join the singing menfolk anyway (to better impress his _forever girl_ with his lovely singing voice). Aang also saw fit to teach all the menfolk **the Monk's staff has a big knob on the end.** I nearly died of laughter I must say. This song went down well with nearly everyone except Zuko and Ty Lee. Zuko hated it due to its similarity to the hedgehog song. And Ty Lee fell fast asleep/passed out – lying inconveniently across the two of us.

Zuko tried to shift her and picked her up and put her on the couch next to us, so she could stretch out better. As soon as we were Ty Lee free - Uncle Iroh announced loudly, for the whole ballroom, that he thought it was time to **be really honest with everyone.** As soon as Iroh announced this, Zuko snapped to attention even though he was super tired. He swore, leapt over the snack table and pulled his Uncle from the room quicker than lightning. So honesty was averted.

Some time after that. Rena walked past me with Hanook holding a struggling Rozin under one arm. She was saying that he needed to stop struggling and come home and he could play with his _cute little girlfriend later_ – but now he had to stop with the kissing! Rozin fired back that she was a drongo and she needed to stop kissing **big idiotic meathead drongos** – and gave Hanook a strong elbow. Don't know if Hanook realised that he was being referred to as a _big idiotic meathead drongo_. Rei trailed after them. She was sighing in a long suffering fashion and exclaiming that they were both drongos – And why had she been cursed to be **related to such embarrassing people.**

Oh Rei – I feel your pain.

They noticed me – and Suki and Sokka who were behind me, making out. The three of them said their goodbyes to us. Rena poked Ty Lee a great deal and woke her up and gave her a soppy goodbye hug and they declared that they would be _besssh frensss _from now on_._ Rei went to collect her grandfather from the sing-a-long. Rozin told me that Toph was still outside in the rose garden and could I go get her and tell her he wouldn't forget about Tuesday. Rei came back over, with an older gentleman in tow and our colonial friends departed.

I went out to the garden look for Toph. Lots of people were trickling out past me. It was very late after all, and everyone seemed to feel like it was time to go home. I walked past Sergeant Crane and Teo – who had moved on from racing and were showing each other the different tricks they could do in their chairs. Teo was especially good at wheelies. I asked him if he had seen Toph and he pointed to a small earth tent in the middle of the rose garden.

Oh Toph.

I went and knocked on the outside of her tent. A stroppy _go away Katara_ came from inside. I asked if she wanted to talk about it and she said _no!_ I sat down next to her tent and waited. Eventually Toph said that she was _just dying of embarrassment._

I have rarely ever seen Toph so embarrassed. She normally doesn't care at all what anyone thinks and I reminded her of this. I heard her muffled reply from inside. I didn't quite catch it and asked her to repeat it. She mumbled again. I missed it again. She lowered her tent walls in frustration and snapped _I said I care what Rozin thought – are you deaf!_

I scooted next to her and she crossed her arms grumpily after her admission. I said that I didn't know if this would mean anything to her – but he had been worried about her all alone out here in the garden and had told me to tell her that he wouldn't forget about Tuesday. She smiled widely to herself when I said that. But didn't elaborate. She didn't want to tell me what happened because it was _really embarrassing._ But eventually she did. Apparently she and Rozin had been _just chilling out_ and _holding hands_ (sure) when Stupid Rena and Stupid Rei had come looking for him.

Rei had decided that because it was past one in the morning – it was time to go home. Toph had got protesty and had wanted to keep Rozin (she also used the phrase_ keep him_, which makes him sound a bit like some stray she found by the roadside). Long story short – Toph had challenged the Hanook to a rumble even though he is not an earthbender. She insulted his masculinity and he agreed to fight her for the rights to Rozin – a small bit of violence had ensued. Rozin had stopped her and said that _it wasn't necessary_ and he should probably go with them because it was _really really late._

Toph had felt embarrassed for getting a bit violent and for being a bit demonstrative in her affections. She feels that her obvious demonstrations of affection were the most embarrassing thing. So for lack of a better alternative she had made herself an earth tent to hide in until she didn't feel embarrassed any more.

I put an arm around her and I said I knew this feeling well. How many times had I pulled the blanket over my head and announced that never coming out again and was dead from embarrassment after all? Toph smiled a little. I told her that nothing was ever as bad as she made out – and this feeling of embarrassment would pass. And besides – Rozin seemed to really like her too. She smiled at that and snuggled into me a little and I was able to cajole her into coming inside.

-o-

We came across Zuko and Iroh. Iroh and Zuko were sitting next to each other on the stairs and flopping on each other affectionately in classic deep and meaningful pose. Toph and I joined them and they made way for us on the stairs. Iroh asked if we had a nice time tonight – and Toph and I replied with an enthusiastic yes. Iroh looked hopefully at Zuko and asked if he'd had a nice time. Zuko indulged his Uncle and said that he had. (In reality he had spent a great deal of the coronation party complaining about the coronation party, freaking out about the party or hiding from the party in the pantry.) Iroh smiled.

Zuko said _you really out did yourself. _And thanked him for organising everything. Iroh said _it wasn't any trouble._ He had always been **fond of parties.** And now he was sure Zuko's reign had gotten off to a good start. Toph agreed that it had been the best coronation party she'd ever **seen.** Zuko gave her a little noogie in response.

Iroh agreed and said it would certainly be a memorable coronation party because as far as he knew – Zuko's would be the only coronation that had included **earth rumbles** and **wheelchair races** as impromptu entertainment. Zuko gave him a nudge and said _you can't take credit for that you old besom._

Toph wiggled out of the noogie. She straightened herself and said that she thought _there was something Zuko should say to his Uncle_. He knew the three words that Uncle wanted to hear. Zuko looked incredulously at her – she folded her arms and made her** I'm so right and you know it face **at him.

Zuko turned to his Uncle and said _you were right._ These were the correct three words. Zuko said that his Uncle was right about a **big shebang** being good for everyone. Everyone had a great time and all the nations mingled happily and Zuko couldn't ask for anything more. This was almost exactly what I said to him during one of his freakouts earlier and I gave him a subtle nudge and a smile in response.

-o-

We trickled back to the houses in a big group of Kyoshi warriors, Watertribe warriors and assorted extras. We reached the Watertribe House first. Dad made **a point** of hugging Sokka and I good night and telling us he was proud of us and would always love us. My Dad is also a bit of a soppy affectionate drunk. He then hugged Bato in a similar manner. Then to Ming's eternal surprise – my Dad hugged her as well.

I imagine he would have hugged everyone in our entire party but Sorrak intervened and said _I think it's time for bed now Hakoda._ Sergeant Crane looked at my Dad as he walked off and nodded in approval and said _him, I like._ Bato and Ming smiled at each other and clasped hands subtly. Then we reached Ming's turn off and then she and Bato and her dad departed.

Suki and a few of her warriors peeled off next. Zuko went with them initially, because he was giving Ty Lee a piggy back home. Ty Lee was still **drunkety drunk drunk** and was unable to move her feet properly (oh, I have been there) and had cajoled Zuko into giving her a piggy back. (I felt that familiar wave of irritation that happens whenever other girls pay too much attention to Zuko). She'd gotten pink glitter all over him though and I could tell that this kind of annoyed him – and so I took comfort from that.

I tried to wait up for him – but I was so exhausted. I wanted to talk to him properly about my apprenticeship and Gloomy Hairbuns and how I hoped that he wouldn't get back together with her just because she said he owed it to her – and would instead take a chance on me.

I had been hoping to get a chance to have this conversation all day, but shenanigans and events had just taken over the whole day. This is such an important conversation and I wanted to do it properly, when I wasn't exhausted.

Maybe it is better that I wait for tomorrow, when we've both had a good night sleep.

There'll be time enough tomorrow.

-o-

0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

The rambles.

Lovely wonderful readers – you have reached the end of Zuko's coronation. Thank you for reading and I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Also a million bazillion thanks to all my lovely readers who left reviews. Thanks so much for your wonderful comments, constructive criticism and suggestions! So this chapter is the last for Zuko's coronation party and dealt with courage and taking chances and lowered inhibitions.

Aang's line _I am pretty sure the Avatar isn't meant to think about the firelord naked. That can't be good for universal balance _is a small nod to HMS Sozin/Roku. This is not a ship in my armada, but it is a popular enough fan theory and I wanted to acknowledge it. Bonus historical irony because the Sozin/Roku special relationship (however you see it) wasn't good for universal balance.

Jee is back! Because I thought he was awesome and I wanted him to live. We will see more of Jee in the coming chapters. Jee has been blessed with frankness and wasn't afraid to tell Zuko when he thought he was being a dickhead, and Zuko will acknowledge that is something he needs in his life, now that he is firelord. Jee is pleasantly surprised by how different Zuko is now and they'll get to have a conversation about this in a later chapter. Jee and Zuko had a temptestous relationship on the ship – but I think there was more frustration that dislike in Jee's comments to Zuko, when he calls him out on his behavior in _the storm._ Frustration, because Jee expects better of Zuko.

I think that Jee is at least as old as Ozai, old enough to be Zuko's father – and resented having to take orders from a kid. Zuko was so desperate to be respected and would have been all the more domineering over Jee. As a result they butted heads. But there was still some affection there. You don't get to be at sea with someone for three years and not develop a bond with them.

Also Jee saw Zuko through his 'awkward years' (back when he would have had his growth spurts, his voice would have broken and all that awkward puberty stuff would have happened. Zuko would have been physically awkward on top of everything else). Jee would occasionally do nice things for him like try to teach him how to drive the tank (in my imagination there was an argument over the clutch. Zuko accidentally **reversed the tank into a bog** – bye tank, we hardly knew ye- and there were shenanigans which they are still arguing over to this day).

Aang's mention of **the monk's staff has a big knob on the end** is another reference to Nanny Ogg and the discworld series by Terry Pratchett.

Aang's behavior in the Avatar Day episode was brought up obliquely here. Aang's need for everyone to think well of the Avatar is going to become important in the coming chapters. Before his hearing, Aang would have told his cell mates that the airnomands always sang a song together for luck before a big migration. The cell mates obviously liked Aang and would have tried to lift his spirits – however the only song they all knew about Air Nomads was cheeky ditty filled with wanking double entendres. Alas!

Sergeant Crane (Ming's dad) and Hakoda are both similar people. They're both bad-ass super dads. It is their approval, or blessing that Ming and Bato would want the most. Ming and Bato think that if they ever met – they would get along. And they do. They have a nice drunken deep and meaningful that they'll both remember for a long time. Sergeant Crane helps Hakoda come to terms with Bato and Ming's relationship. The saying _A ship in the harbor is safe – but that is not what ships are built for_ is a quote by William Shedd that I have always liked. I thought that it would be fitting for both the firenation and the water tribe – because they both have strong naval traditions (the firenation is an island archipelago after all).

So there was a dancing interlude. I had a few suggestions from some lovely reviewers who thought it would be cute for Zuko and Katara to have a dance. Thank you lovely reviewers for this delightful suggestion. I am also a sucker for the **Dance of Romance** trope. I didn't think it would fit in with this chapter, but I gave it a go and now I actually think it works really well – so thanks for the suggestion.

So Zuko and Katara have a slow dance together, mostly because I thought it was cute, but also because it let me raise a few things. Katara doesn't know at this point how things stand with Gloomy Hairbuns, but if she raised it with Zuko then – she wouldn't have gotten a satisfactory answer from him. He is not sure where he stands right now either. He knows he loves Katara, but is uncertain how she feels and thinks she's going away anyway. He's not quite ready to take the risk of putting his feelings out there like Katara was this chapter.

Where as a relationship with Mai is familiar and not at all frightening – there would be much less emotional risk involved in getting back together with Mai. Mai has really put her feelings out there last chapter – which was something that he always wanted from her. He knows that she adores him and wants him back and he feels guilty about a lot of things and thinks he owes her.

Also their dance helped me deconstruct a few things about that Kataang episode _the headband._ I have some thoughts. I think Katara would actually be a good dancer. I hypothesize that the water-tribes would most likely have an aural/dancing storytelling tradition. Her reluctance in the headband is not that she can't dance – it is just that she is very self-conscious. She doesn't need Aang to 'teach' her how to dance. Even when Aang had got her on her feet – she was still uncomfortable with everyone watching them dance.

I will say that Aang's exhibitionism is one of the things I **love **about his character. It cracks me up how whenever there is an awkward moment – he does his chicken dance. Aang is completely unafraid of having a go and possibly making a goose out of himself. In some ways he reminds me of Dory from _Finding Nemo_. If Aang had short-term memory loss and was a fish – **he and Dory are the same character.**

Actually I can see Zuko being a lot like Marlin when he becomes a dad.

Now I have this whole _finding nemo _crossover idea in my head.

Anyway...

So Aang does have a knack for bringing Katara out of her serious shell in the series (penguin sledding and dancing). But he also is the one who makes the most motherly demands on her through out the show – thus reinforcing her position as the responsible and serious one.

_The headband_ which is hailed as a "Kataang episode" has **Katara literally acting as Aang's mother** for the principal. This is not really an act though, because she remains in "mother" character the entire time. She worries when he disappears and scolds him for going off without telling them. She coos over noodle pictures and worries about his schooling. During this episode Aang also sidelines his friends for the adoration of others, in a similar manner to what he did on Kyoshi – and Katara is "jealous" just like she was on Kyoshi.

I would argue that it is not at all sexual jealousy (because she does not see Aang in that way). But she is a bit miffed because he is so willing push his old friends to the side when a bunch of new friends come along. However Aang has shown some growth (yay growth for Aang) and doesn't continue to ignore Katara like he did on Kyoshi. Instead he can see that she is sitting on her own and is a little grumpy and he actively tries to include her and brings her out of her shell a bit. I think the "flirty" look that Katara gives Aang is in fact a look of growing confidence. Confidence in herself, because she is now dancing and getting some adoration from the crowd, and confidence in the fact that Aang is not going to just forget about her.

I mention that Toph and Sokka would have gone off and danced together separately that night (thus fuelling Toph's crush a little). Mostly because I can see them doing it and I love the Toph/Sokka bond. But I tested it a little here. I think Sokka has always felt very protective of her and very much sees her as a little sister. She might be a badass, but she is also the youngest. Sokka actually defines himself in some way by the older brother role (and has been encouraged to do this by his father who told him that his role in life is to protect his young sister).

In Sokka's eyes, Toph is the youngest and she needs him in that older brotherly function. He instantly assumes that she is being taken advantage of when he finds her and Rozin kissing (for those of you who are wondering, it was a sweet and chaste little lip-lock that Sokka and Suki saw). He assumes that Toph is too young for kissing and is thus being taken advantage of. Toph corrects this erroneous notion. She has never reacted well to people trying to protect her overtly or treating her like she is less than capable – and so shenanigans ensue. Sokka feels a bit sad because he feels that she is outgrowing him. She doesn't need or appreciate his attempts to protect her. But they will talk about this later.

Zuko gets **party fatigue** pretty early on in this. We all have _that point_ where the party has just gone on too long and we are ready for it to be over. Also talking to people constantly is actually pretty mentally draining. So he has a pantry nap when the opportunity presents itself. Zuko isn't a party animal and has anti-social tendencies at the best of times. But as firelord he will have to be more social whether he likes it or not.

One of the benefits of Zutara over Maiko is that Katara would help him deal with social situations and encourage him to be more social (in many ways she is able to bring Zuko out of his shell too.) She makes the social situations and the coronation party itself easier for Zuko to "get through" – as he saw it as an obstacle to be overcome rather than a celebration. I don't see him getting this tacit support from Mai because she is also very anti-social at parties. Zuko is the one who has to work at bringing Mai out of her shell in that relationship – and he is already pretty comfortable in his shell to begin with. This would add extra responsibility on Zuko at parties because he would have to make sure that Mai wasn't "bored".

Zuko also made a list in this chapter – because I miss the **Zuko lists** and wanted to write one out.

I got to reference the Ty Lee/Zuko friendship in this chapter as well. I have a theory about these two. I actually think they were pretty good friends and there are a few references in canon that indicate that while he was going out with Mai, he still got along better (platonically) with Ty Lee. He seems more at ease with her somehow.

His only smile during the beach ep is at Ty Lee when she says that she's frozen and he tells her he'll make a fire for her. Ty Lee is very emphatic that she _knows_ him and is horrified and sincerely apologises when she thinks she's hurt his feelings. Out of the three girls – the only one Zuko gets cross at during their "fireside chat" is Ty lee – despite the fact that he probably was angry at Mai and Azula on some level.

I think that this is because people have a tendency to take out their frustrations on people they **know** love them. Zuko is not at all sure of Azula or Mai's affection for him – but Ty Lee is a different story. He can be rude to her and she will still be his friend. His main criticism is that she is _off in her own little world where everything is great all the time._ This is actually a valid criticism. Ty Lee turns a blind eye to a lot of things and pretends she doesn't see them happening. Zuko has had his eyes opened and can't do that anymore – and so he gets frustrated with her.

I think that Mai was actually a late arrival to the group (I will go into how this affects her dynamics with everyone in a later chapter). I think that her Dad would have got promoted (having to constantly worry about her dad's political career implies that it was something he had to **work for** and **achieve **rather than something he was born into. From that, I have assumed that Mai would be what passes for "new money" in the firenation. The firenation is a country going through an industrial revolution and I can see that there would be that whole subtle "new money vs old money" thing going on with the nobles. It also makes sense with her mother's social climbing.)

Mai's Dad gets promoted and they would have moved to the caldera and she would have caught Azula's eye. Azula and Mai are actually very similar in some ways. They definitely have a similar acerbic sense of humour and are of similar intelligence. But before Mai's inclusion into their group – it would have just been the three of them. Azula was intense even as a kid and I think that Zuko and Ty Lee sought refuge in each other and hid from her (not that I blame them).

I think that Zuko would have been talented at acrobatics as a kid – because he is an extremely acrobatic 16 year old in canon. I don't think you get to be a master swordsman before sixteen without a great deal co-ordination. He was never as good at firebending as Azula – but I don't think that means he was **crap at everything **as a kid.

I think there would have been a brief bit of time there when Zuko and Ty Lee were both better at acrobatics than Azula (though they both knew better than to rub her face in it). But one day, when they were hiding from her Zuko would have made an offhand comment that they could always run away to the circus together. Ty Lee would have taken it seriously and literally. It would have become what Zuko thought was a little in-joke between them and Ty Lee thought was a serious back-up plan. I actually wrote a little drabble about this in _the common sense stick collection._

Aang has a massive crush on Ty Lee at this point. But Zuko and Katara both know that isn't going to pan out for him and try to dissuade him from declaring himself. Zuko knows that Ty Lee isn't looking to be anyone's forever girl right now. Katara knows that Ty Lee doesn't feel the same way about Aang. I just wanted to flag that I think Aang is so open to love that he allows himself to fall in "love" very quickly. This is lovely – but it will also lead him into strife if he doesn't learn to pace himself when it comes to love. I also don't think what Aang feels for Ty Lee is love. It is just infatuation. But Aang gets love and infatuation confused.

The little chat also allowed me to poke the "forever girl" thing. Forever girl is the canon equivalent of "sweetie". It is just so cheesy. It is at blue cheese levels. I have a high cheese tolerance - but _forever girl_ from a 12-year-old raised by celebate monks - made me cringe. Aang should not be thinking about forever and relationships at his stage of life and this is a lesson he is going to learn over the coming chapters.

Next chapter Uncle Iroh is going to be very confused. Zuko and Katara are going to have a disagreement. And Katara is going to hate Gloomy Hairbuns. A lot.

Til then lovelies.


	7. Zuko's stupid decision

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Zuko's stupid decision.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

I slept soundly until after lunchtime the next day. I hadn't realized how tired I was – but I was down for the count as soon as my head hit the pillow. I was awoken by Suki upon advisement from Sokka. There was a big shenanigan at the water tribe house and my presence was mandatory. All the watertribe warriors who wanted to go home were setting sail tomorrow. My Dad had recovered somewhat from last night and wanted the whole tribe to spend this afternoon and dinner tonight together. No exceptions.

The afternoon passes in a blur of activity. I was once again expected to do the womanly tasks – but this time I refused to do them on principle. I told the menfolk that they had _two hands and could do it themselves. _This attitude got a mixed reaction (from bemusement to anger). But I refuse to be treated like a second class citizen by my tribe anymore. I refuse to do all the crappy jobs just because I am a girl. But giving speeches and lecturing them had not worked. So instead I was protesting through inaction. I was **on strike.** Hasa got most angry with me early on– but my father stepped in quickly and spoke out about how the warriors had to respect my decision about what jobs I would and would not do.

I helped with the more neutral role of helping stock up the ship with provisions with Bato. We spent the afternoon making sure that there would be enough of all the different supplies to make the journey. Bato was beside himself with happiness and chatted to me about Ming and how he had thought my Dad was coming around to the idea of him dating a firebender. Bato was sure that my Dad would have to see that while Bato and Ming came from different nations – at their core they were _so similar._

I asked (subtly and casually) about what it was like dating someone from the firenation really. The watertribe and the firenation are very different after all. Bato sighed dreamily and said that the all the differences were _surface matters._ They didn't matter that much to Bato. They were just little cultural things – like how in the firenation it was customary for a couple to give each other engagement rings – whilst in the water tribes the man has to carve a betrothal necklace.

Was Bato thinking what I thought he was thinking?

Bato was a bit alarmed that he had said so much. He'd been speaking absentmindedly. He tried to pretend that he hadn't said anything about betrothal necklaces – but I nagged him. Eventually he fessed up. He was seriously considering it – even though he knew it was quite soon. He and Ming had only known each other a season after all. But he couldn't imagine his life without her in it now. He swore me to secrecy regarding this – because he hadn't even spoken about it to Ming yet. And he was worried about how some people in the tribe would react. I promised I'd keep it to myself.

-o-

Though it feels terrible to write it – I am almost glad that most of the menfolk are going. I had another go at trying to talk to them about women's rights at dinner, in a conciliatory manner – rather than a preachy manner. It was my last chance before they all set sail. However I did not have any success in convincing anyone through the conciliatory approach either. Instead I started a very passionate and bitter debate that lasted throughout dinner.

Hasa and Kuba hounded me with question after question and tried to poke holes in all my arguments and didn't listen to what I had to say. Dad tried to defend me by calling for silence and for the menfolk to _leave me alone_ and _shut up and eat their dinner_ periodically. Sokka would pipe up with some anecdote about something Suki said and would be teased soundly for being pussy-whipped. Once again the menfolk were told to _shut up, eat their dinner_ and _leave Sokka alone._ Bato tried to raise the fact that there were benefits of equal rights for women for both sexes but he also got booed and teased. Apparently his opinion doesn't count because he has fiery sex on the brain. Eventually Hasa spat _a woman should know her place. _Sorrak, who had been silent throughout dinner, took this opportunity to empty the gravy boat all over Hasa's head and then smack him with it. Upon that abrupt and violent note dinner ended.

I was glad to leave.

-o-

This is that last day that I have to spend with my tribe before most of them sail away. My Dad has asked Bato, Sorrak, Kuba and Hanook to stay and help him negotiate. Kuba, Sorrak and Hanook are meant to be representative of the different age groups in the tribe. Kuba is the oldest – then Sorrak, then my dad and Bato and then Hanook. With Sokka as the youngest (if he's included – and I really hope he is). The five of them and Sokka and I will be the delegation for the Southern Watertribe division at Ba Sing Se.

But I am not sorry to see the back of the rest of the menfolk and this makes me sad. I had hoped that I could enlighten them. Our tribe was the more relaxed in terms of women's rights, compared to the northern water tribe. I had actually thought it would be easier to open their eyes to the error of their ways. I had hoped that everything would be amicable.

Now I took an almost perverse pleasure in the surprise that was awaiting jerks like Hasa back home. Hasa's wife, Karin, had stepped into the role of hunter when the menfolk departed. She was a **badass **with a spear. She'd been on her own and providing for our tribe and raising the kids for three years. I don't think she'd take well to being told to_ know her place. _

Things would have to change. I hadn't been able to _tell, _but I hoped that the women back home could damn well _show _them.

-o-

I have accidentally on purpose overheard a conversation between Zuko and Iroh and now I don't know what to do. It started off quite normal. They were sitting on the balcony in the comfy chairs, drinking tea and playing Pai Sho. Iroh was asking when Zuko wanted to move into the Palace – because it was all ready now and he couldn't govern from the villa in the long term. Zuko said that he would move in after Ba Sing Se. That was only a few days away and it seemed pointless to go through all the hassle of moving now.

I was about to join them when suddenly Iroh cleared his throat and said _So...about the gloomy girl with the hairbuns, you never finished explaining to me yesterday what was going on there._ I stayed to listen, mostly because it seemed like the most unobtrusive way to get the answer to the question I wanted the answer to. What was going on with Gloomy Hairbuns?

Zuko dodged the question and said that yesterday had been hectic and he hadn't meant to get so distracted with everything, but wasn't it good that Piandao had agreed to be an advisor and Zuko was thinking about asking Jee too, even though Jee wasn't a noble, and what did his Uncle think. He was nervous babbling.

Iroh said _Jee will be a fine advisor_ and then there was an awkward silence. I think Iroh just stared at Zuko the entire time, **mentally projecting** his question. Zuko broke first and said _look it's a weird situation with Mai...the gloomy girl_ (he added this for clarification)_. _Iroh said that he was explained they'd gone out for a bit, when he was first back in the firenation, but it had been an on-again/off-again thing. But then he'd forgotten her in prison and she'd come back on the day of the coronation and wanted to get back together but they never had a chance to have a proper talk and then she'd gave that _little speech –_but Uncle already knew about that.

Iroh was a bit confused about the prison forgetting and why she would still want to be with Zuko after that. Zuko shrugged and said _I don't know either. I just...are we _**right**_ together if it's so easy for me to forget her? _Iroh said that he thought that Zuko had just _answered his own question,_ sagely. There was a pause and then Iroh said that he hoped that Zuko would let the poor gloomy lass down gently then.

Zuko must have made a weird face because Iroh said _Zuuuuuko?_ in a very worried tone. Zuko said awkwardly that he might have **gotten lost** in his last conversation with Gloomy Hairbuns yesterday. Iroh said _how lost? _Zuko said that he thought that maybe they had gotten back together and maybe he might have promised never to break up with her again. **What?** Iroh said _now I'm lost!_ He asked Zuko to tell him what happened.

Zuko said that she had **confused him with girl logic.** _She kept saying that getting back together with her was the honourable thing to do and that it would be a mutually beneficial arrangement because it would get her mother off her back and the floozies off mine... and I'd be dead if it wasn't for her and so I owed her._ Iroh pointed out (with a bit of sass) that Zuko would be dead if wasn't for a lot of people but that didn't mean he had to shag everyone who'd saved his life. There was another silence and then Iroh apologised and said that he hadn't meant to snap at Zuko, but he was _exceptionally surprised _that Zuko would do something like this. To me.

Zuko was surprised at his surprise and said **what?** Uncle sighed sadly and said that he thought he should take _some of the blame._ He must have given Zuko _the wrong idea,_ what with all his lady friends. But Uncle wanted to make something clear to Zuko. He waggled his finger and said _I__** never**__ started on desert __**before**__ I finished dinner – that's just __**not classy**__ Zuko. _Zuko looked confused and said that he was now **completely lost** in this conversation. What was his Uncle getting at? Was this a proverb?

Iroh said of course it wasn't a proverb. Iroh just disapproved greatly of Zuko taking up with a **Gloomy Flibbertigibbet **whilst he was _secretly going out with me._ It turns out that Iroh was under the impression (an impression deliberately planted by Toph) that Zuko and I were a **secret** couple who were going out **in secret.** He hadn't wanted to say anything because he knew it was meant to be **a secret.** Zuko quickly corrected him regarding our secret coupledom. He said _Katara and I aren't going out Uncle. She doesn't want me __**that way.**__ It's not like that between us. _ Iroh said_ it's not?_ sounding genuinely baffled.

Zuko said _Look Katara's my best friend and everything between us is __**nice **__and __**comfortable**__ and __**good**__ and I don't want that to change and for things to become __**uncomfortable**__ and... __**bad.**_Iroh was mystified as to why things would become uncomfortable and thought that all romantic relationships ended in disappointment and resentment. Iroh disagreed poetically and in proverbs. Zuko said _enough with the proverbs!_ He asked Iroh to name him **one couple** they knew that had been together for years and were **actually happy **together. _Fat and Piandao_ Iroh said quickly. Zuko paused for a second and said _okay, you got me there– but the point still stands. _

Iroh piped up that he was lost again. If Zuko had such a low opinion of romance, why was he taking up with the Gloomy Girl at all? Zuko made a frustrated little huff and said that this was why he hadn't wanted to talk about this with his Uncle. His Uncle always turned Zuko's words around and Zuko always ended up feeling like he was in the wrong. Iroh said cheekily that could be because he often was in the wrong. Zuko got stroppy and said that he wasn't talking about this with his Uncle anymore. Iroh protested and tried to calm him down. He said that he was just trying to understand what was going on. Two days he had **never **heard Zuko talk about the Gloomy Girl at all and now they were going out and Iroh was bewildered.

Zuko told his Uncle that Gloomy Hairbuns had told him that she needed him to give it another go – so Zuko was going to try. Giving it another go was the **right **and **honourable** thing to do in Zuko's opinion, because he couldn't just _throw Gloomy over_ now that he was firelord. That wouldn't be fair to Gloomy. Zuko said that he though his Uncle would be more supportive – after all Iroh was the one who was constantly banging on about how Zuko needed to find a pretty girl and all that. Iroh said _oh yes – that was me._

There was a small pause, then Uncle cleared his throat then and said that he would be delighted to meet Zuko's new girlfriend then. He said _bring her over and we shall have a spot of tea together_. Zuko said sheepishly – _oh, err Maybe lunch would be better. Mai is not a big tea drinker Uncle_. Iroh spat out his tea everywhere, in horrified surprise and exclaimed **not a big tea drinker!**

I ran away, in horrified surprise that had nothing to do with Gloomy's tea aversion.

-o-

How could he?

Seriously?

He got back with Gloomy Hairbuns when she is so gloomy and sullen and cold! She's not right for him – and he knows it! But he's gotten back with her anyway and promised not to break up with her all because she **confused him with girl logic!**

He is just such **a big idiot!**

I'm in love with an idiot!

An idiot who has chosen another girl over me!

Because he's an idiot!

-o-

I went to have lunch with my tribe and help the water tribe with the final preparations before the menfolk disembarked on their journey home. The_ Yue _was a firenation cruiser that had been completely re-fitted and repainted. The Southern Watertribe Emblem was proudly emblazoned all over the ship.

I did the final check over the food and water stores with my Dad. I was in a foul mood and grumpily shoved things back into place with unnecessary force. My Dad was under the mistaken impression that I was cross about what had happened at dinner last night – with all the menfolk booing my attempts to make them understand about women's rights. I let him believe this was the real reason for my excessive disgruntlement. He tried to cheer me up and told me that change took time and various sorts of things like that. I nodded but said nothing.

In what felt like a blink of an eye – the ship was ready to depart. The menfolk waved from the aft deck while the seven of us waved them off. It feels most anti-climatic watching them leave. I have felt like I didn't feel at home with them for the majority of time that they were here. I'd grown and changed too much to fit in with their idea of how I should act and how I should be. I might not even fit in when I go back to the South Pole.

But I felt an odd pang as I watched the boat sail away. Back to the South Pole where Gran Gran was, where _nothing ever changed_ and _things made sense._

-o-

I am still fuming about stupid Zuko and stupid Gloomy Hairbuns and this whole stupid situation!

What does Gloomy have that I don't? Aside from a shitload of knives! Seriously now!

I shouldn't want to be like Gloomy Hairbuns anyway because she is so mean and ...horse-faced.

Is it because she's taller than me? I mean she's so tall – she's almost as tall as him. Does he like that in a girl? And she's so slender and elegant and she has all these nice dresses and she's a big reader and she's so bitchy and sarcastic. Maybe that is what he wants in a girlfriend.

I'll never be like that. I'll never be as tall or as slender as Gloomy Hairbuns. Even though my Dad is chief, I'll never be as rich as her either. Is this a class thing? Did he pick her because she's a noble and I'm a "peasant"?

Well bugger that! If he picked her for such a stupid reason then **I don't want him.**

-o-

I stomped into Zuko's office grumpily. He looked up in surprise and then smiled at me. Don't smile at me like that when I am **this cross** at you Zuko! He seemed to realise he was in **big trouble** even before I opened my mouth. The stomping and my facial expression probably gave it away.

I put my hands on my hips and **glared** at him and asked him if he had really gotten back together with Gloomy Hairbuns. I wanted to hear him tell me himself. He said he had. I made a small noise of upset and frustration and asked why he would do something like that! He said that he could explain. But I cut him off. I got very stroppy and said that **he didn't even ask me!** Zuko got stroppy back and said _I did ask you! You said that I should do what I think is right_. I was a bit stunned because he was right, I had said that...but I had more to say and I never got to finish my sentence!

Zuko started talking again. He was saying that _he shouldn't even have to ask me anyway because I was not the boss of him. _He said this a bit churlishly and defensively. I got equally defensive back and said that I wasn't his boss – I was his friend. I wanted the best for him and that wasn't Gloomy Hairbuns! She wasn't good for him.

Zuko said that maybe it wasn't about him – it was about what was good for Gloomy Friggin Hairbuns. Zuko couldn't just make decisions solely on what he wanted anymore. He took a deep breath in an effort to calm down and said _Look she says she needs me and I can't just walk away from someone who needs me! If you don't __**get that**__ about me then..._I interrupted and said _I got that_ (**oh boy did I get that**) – but I didn't want to see him with someone who **was all wrong for him.** Really I just didn't want to see him with anyone who wasn't me. I didn't say this out loud, but I thought it.

Zuko fired back that I wouldn't have to _see it_ for very long anyway since I'd be _leaving_ to go back home to the South Pole soon anyway. I had wanted to tell him at a different time, a better time. But instead I blurted out my **big news** here, in the middle of an argument. I shouted back that _I wasn't leaving now! I'd gotten an apprenticeship with Dr Yang after all. _

All the stroppiness drained out of his expression in a heartbeat and he took a step back and said _you did?_ sounding shocked. I said I had. I had asked her on the morning of the coronation, if I could be her apprentice and she'd said yes – so I wasn't going anywhere, any time soon. Zuko appeared really taken aback. He was stunned into silence and didn't know quite what to say. After a beat he almost whispered _why didn't you tell me?_

I started to say that I never got the chance because he had so many firelordly duties that day – but at that point we were interrupted by his firelordly duties...which kind of proved my point for me. Lenka had knocked on the door and said that Lady Za Jei had arrived to see him. Lady Za Jei was standing behind Lenka. She was an older, immaculately dressed woman with a certain sternness about her.

Zuko looked torn between continuing his conversation with me and attending to whoever this Lady Za Jei was. I made the decision for him and took my leave of the conversation and fled the room. I could feel the sour-pliers-squeezing-a-lemon feeling in the back of my throat that usually preceded tears. And I wasn't going to cry in front of him about **this.**

-o-

Instead I cried a great deal in the privacy of my room. Bitter, frustrated, sad tears. He's so stupid. Gloomy hairbuns is so stupid. I am so stupid. This whole situation is so stupid! It shouldn't hurt this much. It really shouldn't. But it does. Zuko's picked Gloomy Hairbuns over me and that hurts.

Boo Gloomy Hairbuns, Boo! You've already had your turn with him!

The worst thing is that he didn't pick her because he liked her more or because they're well suited and they get along. Either of those things I could reconcile myself to. Sure it would **suck **– but if I felt that he _genuinely preferred_ her to me, then I could deal with it _graciously_. I'm sure I would be a **big enough** person to recognise that they would work well together and bow out.

But no. Instead he picked her because he thinks it's the **honourable thing to do** and he's _irrationally obsessed with his honour. _At least if he was _irrationally obsessed with Gloomy Hairbuns_ it would make him picking her **less of a surprise.** He got back together with her because he felt obligated to – because she **needs him.** I wish I could say this was stupid, but when Zuko said that he could _never_ _just leave someone who needed him _– I just...I understood. I understand even though I don't want. I still think it's _stupid_ – but I **get** it.

He honestly thought that I was leaving and now I am just plagued by the question of _what if. _ I had been waiting for the right time to tell him my **big news–** but that doesn't matter now because I ended up telling him in the heat of an argument. Maybe there never was a "right time". What would have happen if instead of waiting for this mythical "right time" – I had just told him about getting the apprenticeship and staying in the firenation that morning? What if I had just told him how I felt, even though it was scary? If he knew that _I needed him too_ – would he still have picked Gloomy Hairbuns?

I really don't think he would have.

And that is the worst thing.

It's the worst thing because it makes this whole stupid situation more frustrating and sad. I can't help but think how differently everything could have gone. But I can't tell him how I feel now. I have **too much pride **to tell him how I feel now that he's gone a picked another girl over me.

I want to be **so furious** at him. I want to feel the righteous anger that I felt after he betrayed me in Ba Sing Se – but I just can't. I am upset and hurt and disappointed and sad– but I still can't be incandescently mad at him the way I want to be. Zuko hasn't betrayed me really. I mean we weren't together. We hadn't made each other any promises of that sort. We both have been dancing around teh subject for so long and never really talking about it.

But I felt like we had an _understanding._

Everything would be easier if I could be so mad at him that I just didn't care. I am mad at this stupid situation but I just can't help but love Zuko even though he is infuriating me. I wish this feeling was like a candle and I could just blow it out and not be troubled by it anymore. If I didn't feel this way then we could go back to being friends without the slightest bit of awkwardness between us.

We are friends. The best of friends. And even when he was explaining the frigging Gloomy Hairbuns situation to Iroh, he emphasised how important my friendship was to him and how he didn't want to lose it. He just wants to be friends with me and if I really cared about him – then friendship should be enough for me – shouldn't it.

-o-

I saw Lady Za Jei leave and went back downstairs to talk to Zuko. I had decided to just say my peace. I was going to tell him that I was still his friend, even though he made **dumbass choices** and I was just mad because I didn't feel that Gloomy Hairbuns was good enough for him. Not for any other reason. This was only **one lie** short of true. Mostly it would help smooth over the situation and wouldn't make me look like a mad jealous harpy.

But by the time I got there – Zuko was talking to someone else. Lieutenant Jee from the Coronation. This meeting was less formal than his meeting with Za Jei. They were in the comfy chairs on the veranda. Zuko was saying that now that he was firelord – he'd been _thinking._ Jee sassed back_ how's that working out for you?_

Zuko shushed him and said he had something to say. Zuko said that his father had surrounded himself with snivelling yes-men and cronies who were too scared to ever disagree with him – even when they **knew **he was off his rocker and the firenation had suffered for it. Jee agreed, but he didn't see what this had to do with him or why Zuko had summoned him.

Zuko said that he didn't want to be like that. He wanted his advisors to tell him what they really thought, and to disagree with him when they thought he was being a jerk. That was why Zuko wanted to offer Jee the position of **Advisor to the Firelord**. Jee seemed momentarily speechless and Zuko started doing his nervous babbling and said that of course Jee didn't _have _to take the job and Zuko would totally understand if, after three years at sea with him, Jee didn't want to work under him again.

Jee interrupted the babble at this point and said that of course he wanted the job. He just couldn't believe that Zuko was offering it to him. He wasn't from the noble classes after all. Zuko said he knew that. That was another reason why he wanted Jee to have the job. He didn't just want to hear only from the noble classes. Because the decisions he would make would affect _everyone _in the firenation.

Jee asked _why me? really?_ He pointed out that there were other, more knowledgeable people from the lower classes, who would be better suited for the position. Zuko said that he wanted Jee, because Jee had _always been honest_ with him. Jee had never been afraid to tell him when he thought that Zuko was being a dickhead and had always tried to stop Zuko from doing really stupid things. Zuko looked at his hands and said _I do really stupid things sometimes. _Jee said, cheekily, that Zuko _wouldn't get any argument from him on that front._

Zuko said that this was exactly why he needed Jee – Jee wasn't afraid to **insult him to his face**. Jee perplexed and wanted to know where Zuko's new found love for being insulted had come from - Zuko never used to like Jee's tendency to tell him exactly what he thought. Zuko said he'd been a bratty kid back then – but he thought, in hindsight, that Jee _bitching him out_ all the time had been a really good thing for him. He said _I make __**stupid, bad, decisions**__ everyday - __**decisions that I always end up regretting**__...and I'll need someone like you around, because you never shied away from telling me when you thought I was making a mistake._

Jee didn't seem to know what to say. After a small pause, he said that he **hadn't been promoted for 15 years** due to his tendency to say what he thought. Now he was being promoted to one of the highest offices in the firenation because of it. Zuko asked if that meant Jee accepted – and Jee said of course he accepted. Zuko said _good _and outlined the position.

Jee'd be sharing the role with Piandao and lady Za Jei, who had also been appointed advisors. He would be expected to keep himself informed of current events and issues, especially problems that affected the lower classes and returning conscripted soldiers. Jee would also have to come to Ba Sing Se for the Peace Treaty. Did Jee have any questions?

Jee said _only who are you and what have you done with Prince Zuko?_ Zuko thought Jee was joking, but Jee said in all honesty – Zuko did seem **really different.** Zuko asked _different how?_ Jee shrugged and said _Well, you're older now...and a bit taller too._ Zuko smiled briefly. Jee said, in all seriousness, Zuko _seemed... better and calmer._ There was a question in Jee's tone. Zuko shrugged and said maybe he'd found someone who helped put everything in perspective for him. Jee said _Well hang on to that person then. I like this new you._

They kept talking about Jee's basic salary package and how he would get a new apartment in the Caldera. I don't know much else of what was said because at that point I got up and sneaked silently away. Though I was sneaking silently, in my head I was **stomping away in frustration.**

-o-

Is_ that person _Gloomy Hairbuns? Maybe that is why he picked her - because she helps him put everything in **gloomy, grumpy perspective.**

Boo!

-o-

I was feeling exceptionally disgruntled, but at that point, I heard a soft tap on my door. It was Zuko. He wanted to talk to me. I walked over to the door, but did not open it. I didn't know if I could face him right now - without my various feelings showing.

I asked him why he wanted to talk to me. Zuko said that he knew I was mad at him and he** hated** it when I was mad at him. He just wanted to make things right between us. Would I just open the door and talk to him. I said that I wouldn't right now, because I was still cross at him - but **he could state his case to the door** and I would consider it.

He sighed and it sounded like he slumped against the door. There was silence for a second and he muttered _I can't believe your making me talk to a door. _ I sassed back the he wasn't stating his case very well. He huffed back that he was _trying,_ but he _wasn't very good at this._ Eventually he said that he had just been talking to Jee and he had had realised...he trailed off here.

There was a long silence. _What did you realise?_ I prompted him. Zuko said this was stupid and I should just open the door and talk to him. I said no. He had to tell the door what he had realised first. There was another pause before he said, uncertainly, that even though I was making him talk door right now, he realised that I helped him be..._better._ I put things in perspective for him and helped him see what mattered. (oh yay – he had been talking about me and not Gloomy friggin Hairbuns. I'm _that person_). He started nervous babbling and said that he really didn't want me to be mad at him. He knew I was mad at him now, but he just wanted me to know that he didn't want anything to change between us.

I said that things would change – now that he was back with friggin Gloomy Hairbuns. Zuko said quickly that nothing had to change. He didn't want me to feel threatened or jealous of Gloomy because...I cut him off at that point and declared, with a good attempt at sounding airy_ Me jealous? – Ha! Of Gloomy hairbuns?- double ha! _It is a good thing he couldn't see my face at that point- because it would only take one look for him to be able to tell I was lying.

I didn't completely convince him anyway. He said said _soooo you're not jealous?_ sounding really bewildered. I said why on earth would he think I was jealous? **I wasn't jealous.** I had no reason to be jealous – did I? And the idea that I would be jealous over Gloomy was laughable. I faux laughed here for extra emphasis. There was another pause and then Zuko said _but I thought...oh...um... ok...you're really not jealous? _I once again denied jealousy. He said _alright then. Never mind. That's just me being __**stupid **__then._

There was another pause and then I claimed that I wasn't_**jealous **__jealous._ I was just a bit cross because I didn't think that Gloomy Hairbuns was right for him at all. That was why I had been angry – I wasn't angry for any other reason.

It sounded like Zuko leant his head back against the door and said that maybe I was right – but Gloomy Hairbuns said that he **owed it to her** to at _least try_ again with her and so that was what he had decided to do. I huffed and said _well, it's your life._ I was trying to sound non-committal. I wanted it to sound like I didn't really care. Who knows, if I said I didn't care enough, it might stick.

There was a short silence and then Zuko said that he really didn't want things to be weird between us. I tried for the lofty and airy tone again and said that **things weren't weird**. Zuko said _I'm talking to you through a door right now – that's new and weird. _I opened the door quickly after he said that. He came tumbling into the room with an _argh_. He had been leaning against it and lost his balance when I opened the door so quickly. I stood over him and said _now things aren't weird _a little cheekily.

He had ended up sprawled in a heap on the floor – but he pulled himself to his feet. While he was standing, I crossed my arms and said sternly that I just wanted him to know that I very much disapproved of him reuniting with Gloomy Hairbuns. Zuko nodded and said _I understand. You disapprove. But other than that – are we okay?_ He bit his bottom lip and then gave me that hesitant, hopeful smile he has.

My polardog eyes might be my secret weapon – but the hesitant, hopeful smile is Zuko's. There is no way for me to stay mad at him when he makes _that face_ at me. I could have really hurt him here and kicked him out – but I never. He's still my friend and that friendship is more important to me than my own hurt feelings.

I told him of course we were okay and gave him a hug. And if I held him a little too closely, or breathed in his Zuko smell and felt just a pang of longing – then that is _no one else's business but my own._ He squeezed me back tightly. He said that now that we were friends again – he wanted to tell me congratulations for my apprenticeship properly. He asked me if I wanted to do anything to celebrate. At this time of day he could get me tea and ginger snaps...but they would be the _ginger snaps of congratulations! _I agreed to ginger snap celebration.

We drank tea in the comfy chairs and ate ginger snaps and talked about my new apprenticeship. My first day is tomorrow. Zuko asked me how I felt about that. I think I'm both nervous and excited, but I don't know which one I feel more. I asked him about his day and he told me that he had asked Piandao, his old firebending teacher Lady Za Jei and lieutenant Jee to be his advisors. His Uncle gave great advice – he had told Zuko that wisdom only taken from one place grew stale – that was why Zuko wanted to take it from multiple places. Piandao and Za Jei and Jee had all taught him so much and they all had different perspectives to his Uncle to offer him. We fell so quickly into our familiar banter. It was as if our awkward moment today didn't matter. It really felt like nothing had changed.

Maybe things don't have to change that much anyway. Maybe this Gloomy interlude won't last long. See I was so disappointed that he had gotten back together with friggin Gloomy Hairbuns – but part of me assumes that it isn't going to last between them. Zuko doesn't seem all that enthusiastic about it – and really he should be, first flush and all. And also they had an on-again/off-again relationship to begin with from the sounds of things. How long will they go out for before it's off again? Seriously.

He's made a dumbass choice that I wish he hadn't made – and I've told him that. I'd said my peace on the subject of him and Gloomy– and now I would say no more about it. What Zuko needed from me more than me haranguing me about his dumbass choices was **friendship.**

Even if I didn't get to_ be_ with him the way I wanted – I could still be a good friend to him.

0o0o0o0o0o0

* * *

Rambles – naturally YMMV.

Lovely wonderful readers – thanks for all your thoughts and comments and reviews. I seriously love all your feedback. Also there was a lovely anonymous reviewer who asked for permission to quote me in an essay about why they ship Zutara – quote away lovely, quote away! I will look forward to reading the finished product when you are done. If you guys have a question for me – you can always PM me as well. Just make sure you leave some way for me to contact you.

So this chapter is just a little short and sweet one, that focuses primarily on Katara's initial reaction to the Gloomy/Zuko reunion. I thought it needed its own chapter. I thought long and hard about how I thought Katara would react and I hope you guys aren't disappointed.

Katara is busy with the Water-tribe departure at the start of this chapter and doesn't get to talk to Zuko before he goes to see Mai. But the fact that she is so involved with her tribe and her tribe is leaving would have re-inforced for Zuko that one day Katara will leave to. There was a bit about water tribe gender roles and how they will be shaken up when the tribe return home. Also though Hakoda wants to support Katara, he doesn't really understand her arguments or what her specific problem is. That's why his support takes the form of trying to shut down discussion when it gets too heated. He is trying to protect Katara in his own way and he doesn't like the menfolk bullying her – but he doesn't know how to argue in support for her either.

There is a reference to both groups forming 'delegations'. Hakoda has chosen his people to offer him advice and so has Zuko in this chapter. As much as I love Iroh, he doesn't have all the answers, and nor should Zuko take his wisdom solely from one place. He has asked his old teachers who he learnt a lot from (Piandao and Lady Za Jei) and Jee to act as advisors.

We will meet Lady Za Jei in more detail in the coming chapters – but mostly she is an old school hard-ass. I think that Jee is a conscripted solider from the lower classes (hence his insistence that Zuko was spoiled, didn't know hard work etc.) Anyway Zuko is branching out and away from the model set by previous firelords - just taking his advice from male, firebending nobles with his inclusion of a woman, a non-bender, and someone from the lower classes in his immediate advisory circle. It's not a perfect cross section of society and many groups will go unrepresented – but the intent for great diversity is there.

So Zuko and Iroh have a chat about Mai. Iroh is a big shipper on deck, and he has been under the impression that Katara and Zuko were having a_ secret_ thing that was a really _big secret._ Toph would have told him about how close they were back an ember island and Iroh drew his own conclusions. Iroh's phrase **never start on desert before you finish dinner** is an allegory for cheating. Iroh didn't think that Zuko was the kind of guy to cheat (and he's not) – so he is surprised and disappointed in his nephew initially.

Added to that Zuko has never talked about Mai with him. To Iroh it seems like she just comes right out of left field. Zuko and Iroh talk about a lot of things now – and he has never heard Mai mentioned in any sort of girlfriend capacity until her arrival. Iroh is very surprised and confused, but he is going to be a good Uncle to Zuko and will be supportive of his choices. Iroh will meet Mai and try to get along with her. I say "try" because I imagine that Mai and Uncle are not going to see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. Her not being a big tea drinker is just the beginning.

In his conversation with Uncle – Zuko is already expressing doubts about the relationship; because he probably feels deep down that he and Mai aren't right for each other. He frames his decision in language that makes it seem like he is taking on another duty rather than embarking on a romantic relationship. Zuko's lack of overt enthusiasm for this relationship will also colour how his Uncle views it.

So why did he get back with Mai in my head canon? Look the only way I could see it working is if had a great deal to do with responsibility and duty and Zuko's internalized idea of what his life _should_ be like.

When Zuko returned to the firenation and was with Mai in the first bit of season three – it was all part of an act entitled "the perfect prince". Zuko was really trying to live out the _my life __**should**__ be like this _image in his head. Dating Mai was a part of that. She was the "perfect, noble-born, companion" for the "perfect prince". But Zuko, of course, later realises that he is not "the perfect prince" and he has to give up very crucial parts of himself to fulfill that role.

However Mai is still tangled up in his idea of how his life_ should _go. He is trying his hardest to be a good Firelord for the people. If Mai was the ideal girlfriend when he was "the perfect prince" – it follows that she will be a good girlfriend now that he is firelord. In the series Zuko had to go back to the firenation and see it with fresh eyes before he could realise, fully and completely and for himself, how screwed up everything was. I hypothesize that (in a similar fashion) Zuko also has to go back with Mai, now that he has experienced a greater variety of loving and trusting relationships, to be able to see his relationship with her_ properly_ and decide that they both deserve better for themselves. Mai, though she is clinging tightly to her relationship with Zuko now, will also come to a similar realisation.

His return to the firenation eventually prompted a great deal of personal growth and self discovery, and likewise his return to Mai will give him a better understanding of what he really wants from his life and from a romantic relationship and will help him break out of the pattern of always wanting things to go how he thinks they _should._

It should be said that Zuko is also in a **very bad mental place** and is **hopelessly confused** when he was with Mai initially. There was a real lack of genuine trust and communication between them and he doesn't get much support from her. But Zuko thinks that this is_ normal_ for romantic relationships. I think he learned a lot of implicit lessons from watching his parents be **bitterly unhappy** together as a child. He doesn't expect much more from a romantic relationship and thinks that a certain amount of disappointment and resentment is to be expected.

This also ties into why he shies away from starting anything with Katara. His relationship with her is one of his best and most positive relationships. I think that while she challenges him to be a better person – she also makes him feel safe and supported. Zuko gets this with precious few other people. He thinks a romantic relationship could sour their connection – and more than anything he doesn't want anything to detract from that connection or for their relationship to change and go bad.

I say that Mai is clinging to the relationship – but really she is also clinging to the ideal that she once had of Zuko. I think she is not ready to let the relationship go yet. Mai thinks she_ needs_ Zuko, but what she really needs to go on a journey of self discovery for herself and find out what she actually wants from life. In her mind, everything was fine until Zuko left to join the avatar. They were happy. His departure really blindsided her (hello bad communication! Everything was not fine in Maiko land even before Zuko left but I will get to that later). Mai thinks that they can just pick up where they left off.

She uses a combination of guilt and blame to get her way in this (_all I did for you, I'm only happy with you, you owe me_ – etc). Zuko lets her talk him into getting back together, even though he knows deep down that he doesn't feel the same way about her – because she is still his friend, he really doesn't want to hurt her and he does want to make her happy. The fact that she _needs him_ really is the magic phrase. But the fact that their reunion is founded on him feeling obligated to her, rather than genuine desire, will colour their relationship.

Also there is an element of mutually beneficial arrangement to the whole thing. Being with Zuko will get Mai's mother off her back. Having a badass girlfriend will be a big disincentive for all the various floozies interested in Zuko.

Katara is very displeased with this development. She is jealous and hurt. But she is going to try and get past that and still be there for Zuko as a friend. This is mostly because I really dislike _the nice guy syndrome_ trope in all its forms. I think that one half of bryke (at least) must be afflicted with some sort of nice guy syndrome – because it taints most of the canon pairings terribly. Kataang is a perfect example of Nice Guy Syndrome at work. Aang is nice – therefore he should be _entitled_ to Katara, simply because he wants her and regardless of her wishes. Aang's hurt feelings are worth more than Katara's _no _in the show. This is something that always bugs me about Kataang.

Katara values Zuko for Zuko, not for his potential to be her romantic partner. Their friendship is much deeper than that. I didn't want Katara to act like she was _entitled _to Zuko. She likes Zuko as he is, and even though he has really disappointed her with his choice – she still values him enough to want to be his friend. Katara has told him she disapproves and will say no more on the subject. She will let him come to his own conclusions and make his own decision. She will respect his choice, even though she doesn't agree with it at all.

Also Katara understands his reasons for his choice. While it drives her bananas – she sees why he did what he did. It didn't have anything to do with class, or wealth or any of those ultimately shallow reasons that she originally hypothesizes (and some canon-shippers, bless their cotton socks, agree with). Instead it was to do with duty. Zuko's commitment to his duty (whatever he sees it as) is an intrinsic part of his character. It is one character trait that he and Katara have in common – as they both take their responsibilities seriously.

We will see more of jealous Katara in the coming chapters. I think her jealously will take more of the quiet simmering form – as opposed to the loudly demonstrative jealousy that Zuko is prone to (ooh but we will get to see that when Jet comes back into the picture – just you guys wait!). However this chapter did allow me to play with my ideas of how jealous Katara actually is.

Katara's "jealousy" over Aang is spouted as a reason why they should be together by some Kataangers. However the two times that Katara shows "jealousy" over Aang (on Kyoshi and in the headband) both occur after the fact that Aang has denigrated his relationship with her. He dismisses her worry in _the headband _as unimportant. On Kyoshi he actually belittled her for asking him to carry the basket (with supplies for the whole group) and went off to play with his new "fun" friends. Aang makes Katara feel irrelevant and then showers other people with attention – and she gets miffed. However in this chapter, her various strong feelings of jealously and anger are assuaged by the fact that Zuko constantly validates her importance to him.

I also got to play with the idea that any disagreement between Katara and Zuko would spiral out of control because they are both so passionate. This is often used as justification against Zutatra, but it implies that being passionate is the **only aspect to their characters**. They are both very passionate individuals – that does stay constant over the show. However they both grow and change through the show and there is so much more to their characters than just two angry!bombs of emotion.

Katara is extremely empathetic and understanding, Zuko is extremely forgiving and remorseful. These traits are just as important as passion to their characters. these traits would also play into any argument that they have and I think will ultimately help them defuse the argument. I think that both of them value the other person enough not to let an argument break them apart. In this chapter they argue, but very quickly make up – because both of them value their relationship to try and overcome their differences of opinion.

Next chapter will have Katara's first day with Dr Yang and the return of Azula (queue scary music). Zuko and Azula will meet for the first time since sozin's comet. There will be shenanigans and drama. Also Azula and Katara are going to have an interesting conversation.

Til then lovely readers.


	8. Calm and Stormy Weather

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

In calm or stormy weather.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**Trigger warning:** Chapter references self-harm.

-o-

I went to Dr Yang's house, ready to start my apprenticeship. She was dressed and ready to go and tapping her foot impatiently by the time I got there – even though I was actually a few minutes early. We walked at a cracking pace to the hospital. She explained to me in brisk terms what we would do today and what was expected of me. I was to stick with her. I was not allowed to wander off on my own under any circumstances.

She said that she had hoped for an easier introduction to the world of medicine for me – but rearranging her rounds hadn't been possible. Unfortunately for me, today we would be working in the children's ward. This made me initially glad, because I love kids. I couldn't understand what was unfortunate about it. Dr Yang explained that most people finding incredibly sick children distressing. She said it was a good thing that I had affection for children, but I couldn't let that cloud my judgment.

-o-

I let it cloud my judgment.

My first patient was a little girl named Zanna, who'd been terribly burnt on her hands and arms. She also had a very bad case of the flu and had been separated from the other kids so that she wouldn't infect them. She was an untrained bender, and had been very frightened during Sozin's comet. She'd accidentally started a house fire of terrible proportions but she hadn't mastered how to extinguish fires properly yet.

We had to rub an ointment into her hands and then make her stretch, bend and flex her fingers – so that she would retain mobility in all her joints. Dr Yang showed me the exercises I needed to do with Zanna and left to go check on the other kids. She told me to come help her out when I had finished.

Zanna copied me as I demonstrated the movements for her, but she winced with every little bend, and bit her lip firmly to keep from crying out. The skin on her hands was twisting into a tangled snarl and had scarred terribly. I tried to use my waterbending healing on the scar tissue – but it was too late. I could only sooth her hands and make the exercises easier. I accidentally washed off the ointment and needed to re-apply it several times.

Zanna was absolutely fascinated by me, and the fact that I was from the water tribe. She had never seen waterbending and waterbending healing. She had so many questions for me that she made me feel like I was the most interesting person in the entire world. She was a bright-eyed little chatterbox. She called me Dr Karara in the most solemn voice. (She had trouble with the hard T sound – bless her cotton socks.) Mostly I just wanted to cuddle her up and take her home and stop anything bad from every happening to her again.

So when she made a cute face at me and asked me to read her a story, I did. Story reading wasn't technically my job and it wasn't what I was here to learn – but how could I say no to a poor girl with burns all the way up her arms, who was in a room all on her own and was lonely? I sat on her bed and read to her from _the tales of Princess Elsa and the goblet of fire (_it was apparently the fourth book in a series that Zanna loved)_._ I didn't even notice the time fly, but before I knew it – Dr Yang was standing at the door and tapping her foot impatiently and looking displeased.

-o-

I got a small bollocking about becoming too involved and too attached to the patients. I was there to be their doctor and help them heal, not to read bed-time stories. Good time management was mentioned at length. The other kids needed just as much attention as Zanna. Dr Yang was quite _into_ her scolding and it was unusual for me. I am so used to dealing out scoldings – but I haven't really received a scolding from_ anyone_ in ages. It was a jarring experience.

My scolding was interrupted by Ming, who scrambled into the hall in search of Dr Yang. She was a little bit out of breath. Dr Yang was moving in an instant, even before Ming had managed to say that the princess had another one of her _strange fits. _Dr Yang grabbed her bag and started to head for the door at an incredibly pace, with Ming coming up behind her.

Dr Yang has been explicitly clear that I should stick with her through out the day. She hadn't dismissed me yet – but this involved Azula and I wasn't sure if treating her was something I was expected to help with during my apprentice, especially given our background as enemies. But I really didn't want to get another scolding and I thought that I would definitely get one for just standing here indecisively. So after a moment's indecision, I followed the two of them.

-o-

A short run away was the convalescent home. On the way Ming filled Dr Yang in on what had happened. Azula had been having a very _bad _morning. From what I gathered, Dr Yang had told Zuko he could visit Azula today, if she was having a _good _day. Azula had a **funny turn** this morning, and Ming decided it would be better for her not to receive any visitors like this – so she had written a hawk to Zuko to tell him not to come today. Azula had gone crazy when Ming told her and had now burned herself quite severely – but was refusing to allow Ming near her. Ever since Azula had been under Ming's care – Azula had insisted that she wasn't a firebender anymore. She had been unable to summon a spark, until today when she had super-heated her hands and burned herself.

We came up to the convalescent home quickly. Azula had the north wing to herself. The windows were covered with wrought iron metal work – which would prevent anyone from escaping. There were two female guards at the entry. It was here that Dr Yang and Ming noticed my presence properly. Dr Yang was a bit taken aback that I had seen fit to follow her and told me sternly to wait here with the guards. Azula wasn't used to strange visitors, and seeing me might upset her further – especially given _our history._ I was more than happy to follow this particular directive.

Dr Yang and Ming continued down the corridor and turned at a door. Ming fumbled with her keys and they went in. Suddenly there was lots of yelling from the room Dr Yang and Ming had gone into. The word _Liar _was shouted several times and then there was a distressed shriek as Azula demanded that they **leave her alone.** There was the sound of more crashing and then suddenly a pink blur of a girl ran from the room and towards me.

Azula stopped short when she saw me, her mouth open in surprise. It must have been a mirror of my reflection. I couldn't help by gape at her, mouth open, in shock. For a second we both must have seemed comically frozen – just standing there, staring at each other like we had seen a two-headed moose lion. The guards seemed equally surprised to see her, but immediately leapt into position, block her exit.

I don't know what she thought when she saw me. But I was **so shocked **at seeing how she had deteriorated since I last seen her. I hadn't been expecting this. I remembered belatedly, how anxious Ming was to find out anything that Azula liked to eat – at first I thought that she was just being a spoiled fussy princess, but it was obviously to me now that the problem ran deeper than that. Azula had lost weight dramatically. She looked unhealthily thin. Her clothes hung off her now. She had deep circles under her eyes and her face had an odd pallor about it.

Though she looked so thin and sick, she had been dressed in a bizarrely jovial fashion. She wore a bright pink top and loose pink pyjama pants, that had been made out of an incongruously cheerful turtleduck print. Her hair had been done in two plaited pigtails, by someone who cared about neatness. For some reason this person had also seen fit to tie the ends with pink pom-pom hair ties. To cap off the unusual ensemble, the uneven bits of her hair had been pinned off her face with turtleduck shaped clips.

Azula had half a second to tilt her head and mouth _what the fuck?_ This pretty much mirrored my thoughts exactly. Then Ming caught up with her and gathered her up in her arms easily. It looked like she was hugging Azula, but I realized later that it was a type of restraining hold. Azula started to fight Ming and struggled terribly. She clawed and kicked at Ming – but Ming didn't let her go. She had lost so much weight and muscle tone, that Ming was easily stronger – even without Azula firebending.

Maybe she really couldn't do it anymore.

Ming started trying to sooth her and kept saying _sssssshhhh little turtleduck, time to calm down now _in a comforting, yet firm tone – the sort that a mother would use with a hysterical child. Ming looked up and told me to go and check on Dr Yang, in an urgent whisper. Her whispered command spurned me to action and I ran to the room. Dr Yang was lying at an unlikely angle. She been struck firmly in the head and had fallen. I splashed her quickly in the face with my bending water and she roused. She held her head and swore like a sailor. I used my water healing to try and sooth the lump that was forming.

Ming brought Azula back into the room. Azula was calmer than she was before, but that wasn't saying much. She wasn't struggling as violently, but she was doing that **terrible caterwauling** thing she was so fond of. Dr Yang, who was normally so composed, made a feeble little noise and put her head in her hands in response to that dreadful racket. Oh ouch. She must have had an awful headache. Azula didn't have much respect for this and kept making that terrible racket and occasionally kicking Ming.

I don't know what came over me, I really don't. Maybe my urge to put my hands on my hips and scold people is **so ingrained** that it has become my natural response to troubling situations. Anyway that is what I did. I put my hands on my hips and demanded that Azula **Stop This Racket.** I had to shout to be heard over her racket. But she heard me. So I added _even though you are psychotic, can you at least make an effort at civil conversation._

For some reason this worked. Well she seemed stunned into silence at least, which was an improvement. Then she started laughing to herself. She stopped struggling against Ming and said in a resigned fashion _now I __**know **__I'm crazy. I'm hallucinating bossy Watertribe peasants. _I told her that I wasn't a hallucination. She said I must be, because there was no way that someone as** bossy** and **annoying** as myself could _actually exist._ I didn't know how to react to being insulted by Azula, now that she was wearing fluffy pink pom poms in her hair. To prove my own existence, I leaned over and gave her a small pinch on the shoulder. She said _what is the meaning of this impertinence? Do not pinch me peasant! _But then after a beat she gasped. Her eyes widened, then narrowed as she seemed to realize that I was **really **there. She asked _what are you doing here?_ with a slight accusation in her voice.

I said that I had come with Dr Yang. We had come to help her, because we heard that she had hurt herself. I couldn't help the second scold that escaped my lips. I put my hands on my hips again and said that violence and naughty behavior was no way to repay Dr Yang, who had rushed over here to help her. Azula looked at me incredulously. Dr Yang and Ming were both also looking at me incredulously. Everyone was acting like scolding Azula made _me_ the crazy one.

Dr Yang had recovered enough by this point to try and treat Azula's burns, which were big, angry red circles around her wrists. But as soon as she tried, Azula started trashing again like crazy and wouldn't allow Dr Yang near her. She kept shrieking and struggled fiercely. Ming had relaxed her grip around Azula's shoulders, but she promptly had to tighten it again. I tried to offer my waterbending healing. Those burns were still fairly fresh and I was sure I could so something for them. But that made Azula thrash, kick and protest all the harder. None of Ming's constant soothing seemed to assuage her at all.

Azula was off her trolley. She was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. She was on crazy highway and was heading west! I had never seen anyone so hysterical in all my life. It was unnerving actually. I couldn't believe the change in her. That composed, vindictive girl I knew was just gone.

Dr Yang said sternly that Azula needed to let her look at the burns, lest the get infected. Azula said that they could get infected **for all that she cared anymore.** But she didn't want Dr Yang to touch her after she had lied. Dr Yang mimicked my hands on the hips pose and asked _what did I lie about that is so terrible?_ Azula sassed back that Dr Yang had said _she could see Zuko, if she was good._ That had been a _cruel lie._ Dr Yang said that she hadn't lied. Azula couldn't see Zuko today because she was **hysterical** and having a **bad day**_._ She could see him next time she had three _good days_ in a row.

Azula made a distressed little noise and said that Dr Yang was lying to her again and she really needed to stop. Dr Yang protested and said that she wasn't lying. Why did Azula think that she was lying? Azula said with some distress _I think he's dead, that's what I think. That's why he's started to turn up with Mum. And you keeping lying to me and telling me that he'll visit me if I behave – but he won't ever!_

I tried to explain that Zuko was alive, and he did want to see Azula…. Azula cut me off with a disbelieving snort and called me a liar too. She said that_ if I were him and he were me, and I was alive – I would have come to gloat, at least, a long time before now. _She started struggling again.

I blurted something out, without properly thinking it through. This erroneous assumption of Azula's was so easy to fix and it was causing her so much distress. Also I knew how much Zuko wanted to see her, I couldn't imagine that he would object. It was those two things that led me to say _If Zuko will visit you today – will you let one of us treat your burns? _

Azula stopped struggling instantly and said that if Zuko _really _came to see her – she would let us treat her burns and never call one of us a liar again. There was a pause before she added _except for you Ming, because you say that hospital pyjama pink looks nice on me when I __**know**__ it is not my colour._ I didn't get to hear Ming's reply in defense of hospital pyjama pink and Azula's complexion, because Dr Yang tapped me on the shoulder and demanded to see me in the hall.

-o-

Dr Yang was miffed that I had offered something like that without checking with her first. That was against the rules of this apprenticeship. Her scolding was without her usual sternness because she still had a very bad headache, but she assured me that when she felt better, a proper scolding was coming my way. She said that I couldn't make those sort of promises to a girl in Azula's _condition._ I should never offer things that I couldn't follow through with. I asked why I couldn't follow through – I was sure that Zuko would want to see her.

She said that Azula was **too erratic** to see Zuko at the moment. Her reactions were violent and unpredictable. He was still recovering and wasn't as quick as he used to be. Dr Yang didn't want to take the chance that Azula would react badly to seeing Zuko and try to hurt him. I hadn't _seen_ how she interacted with her hallucinations on the really bad days. Dr Yang explained that she had been waiting for Azula to _settled down_ before introducing people from her old life. She had hoped that a calm and quiet environment with supportive people would help Azula adjust.

In defense of my outburst, I said that Zuko was much better – Dr Yang had said so herself. It would only take a few minutes and then Azula could be certain that he was alive and would visit her. Dr Yang's imploring that she could have visitors if she behaved would carry more weight. Also, though she had seemed really erratic and belligerent, she had not seemed entirely beyond reason after I had spoken to her.

Dr Yang paused and thought for a good long moment and then said that I did have a point. Dr Yang had to admit Azula had actually seemed almost lucid when talking with me. Azula had followed the conversation with me….maybe interacting with real people would actually help put her in touch with reality again. Dr Yang said this like she was thinking aloud to herself.

I could sense that she was coming around to my point of view. I asked her what other alternatives we had, really. I didn't think there'd be many. How can you properly treat someone who refused to let you near them after all? There were alternatives, but Dr Yang was exceptionally reluctant to use them. She had read that treating people with… _problems_ worked best when the patient was co-operative. She was trying to treat Azula with her compliance and had tried to limit_ forcing_ treatment on her.

The other options, either restraining her or giving her a purple sun poppy blend, were not ideal. Azula had to be restrained for the first little while – but restraints distressed her further. Purple sun poppy derivates made her foggy for days and Dr Yang didn't like to use it, unless it was absolutely necessary.

I said that we could at least _ask _Zuko if he would like to try visiting her. There was no harm in asking. If Ming was there, she'd be able to restrain Azula quickly, should she react badly. But perhaps seeing her brother would be good for Azula and we'd never know until we gave it a go. Dr Yang huffed, sighed, crossed her arms and said _alright._

-o-

We went back to the villa. Aang was playing a game with Momo, while Sokka and Zuko both reading books in the comfy chairs. They both had their legs sprawled on the same table. Sokka read a book on explosions entitled _all the different ways to make things go bang._ Oh dear. Zuko was reading something called the _vow of honourable conduct and its implications, responsibilities and obligations._ Toph and Iroh were playing Pai Sho and were deep in discussion. They all looked up when they saw me coming, dressed in my hospital gear (Dr Yang had lent me some because **there were regulations**). Aang remarked, in awe, that I looked _really pretty – almost like a real doctor._ I knew he had meant it as a compliment. So I thanked him.

The others were keen to know how my first day was going – but I told them it was _still happening._ Dr Yang cut through all the small talk and said that we needed to speak to Zuko, abruptly. He put his book down and came with us. Dr Yang explained to him the situation and told him that Azula had promised to let us treat her if he would visit her. Zuko agreed readily. He'd already planned to see Azula right now – then Ming had sent him the hawk and it had been cancelled.

We started walking towards the convalescent home. Zuko was a bit perplexed as to why Azula thought he was dead. Dr Yang shrugged and said she was suffering from was a **strange and unpredictable illness.** Azula had tea and a fierce argument with their mother nearly every morning… _things just got confused in her mind._ Dr Yang remarked that it was a good thing that he wasn't dressed in the firelord's robes. Azula had not yet _accepted_ that he had been coronated and it would be best not to bombard her with too much change, in her state. I knew that Zuko just didn't like to wear the firelord's robes because he found them so heavy and cumbersome. He wore them for what he called "official firelording" but mostly he preferred to just wear his normal clothes.

Zuko and I fell in step behind Dr Yang. He asked me, diffidently, how Azula had seemed, aside from the whole _being bonkers_ thing. I tried to prepare him for seeing the change in Azula. It had really shocked me to see how thin she'd become. I imagined that it would be even worse for Zuko. I told him about how she looked sickly and had lost weight dramatically and she was also dressed all in lurid pink, like a five-year-old with no sense of coordination or Ty Lee_. _Apparently Ming had being dressing her with spare pyjamas from the children's ward because Azula's old clothes didn't fit her at all anymore. This explained the turtleduck printed pyjamas – but not the pompom hairbands. I think the story behind the pompom hairbands is best left a mystery.

-o-

We got to the convalescent home in no time at all. Zuko had a _nervous moment_ right before going in to see Azula. He had a small crisis of Zukoness. He didn't know if he could do this, or what to say to her or what to do to make her feel better. I said that he would be fine. She had wanted to see him, after all. Zuko took a deep breath before he knocked gently on her door. It was a deep breath exactly like he had done before he walked into his Uncle's tent back at camp old people. It's kind of a cute habit. Maybe Zuko has to take a deep breath before every reunion with a family member.

Azula had been sitting on the bed and hugging her knees, but she jumped up as soon as he walked in. All my attempts at preparing him for this moment had been in vain. His mouth dropped open in shock as he looked at Azula and took in her gaunt appearance and odd pink getup. He said, with a great deal of shock and concern, _Oh Agni Azula!_

There was a weighty pause and then Azula moved first. She wandered over to Zuko, while he seemed rooted to the spot with surprise. She tilted her head curiously at him. Then, quick as a flash, her expression changed into a snarl and she drew her arm back and tried to slap him. Zuko was equally quick. He reached up, quicker than a tigerdillo and grabbed her wrist mid-swing. Right around where she had burned herself. She yelped in pain. He exclaimed _shit, I forgot_! dropped her wrist like it was a hot potato and looked just _wretched._

Zuko apologized and said he hadn't meant to hurt her and she should really let Dr Yang or myself look at that now. Azula said _no _belligerently. She didn't have to do what he told her to. Zuko sighed his long suffering sigh in response. Then something changed in Azula's expression. She mimicked him and sighed in an **identical** long suffering manner. (For a moment the similarity between them was **freaking me out.**) She said _what are you doing here Zuzu? Did you come here to gloat?_ Zuko got frustrated and snapped that he had come here because apparently _she had really wanted to see him_. Not to gloat. He wasn't going to gloat over her.

Azula looked at him quizzically and said to the space at her left, _guilty concern and snotty superiority in the same breath, he does seem like our Zuzu._ Zuko seemed a bit confused by this pronouncement. Azula wandered over and poked him firmly in the shoulder. He took a step back and said _why are you poking me now?_ Azula shrugged and said she was _just checking._ She said that he had visited her before – but he **hadn't really**. She just needed to be sure of something. She said this in such a normal tone. It was like she was remarking on the weather.

Then she gave him another poke. Zuko said _that he really was here – she didn't need to poke him._ Azula said _that's what all the other Zukos say._ But she said it with the faintest ghost of a wicked grin. Zuko got protesty and said that there was _only one of him._ Azula nodded and said _thank goodness _under her breath, then added _indignant arguments_– like she was mentally checking things off on a list.

She gave him a few more pokes and he squirmed away from her. She remarked that _I assumed the bossy, bossy, really annoying peasant was lying. _I am ashamed to say that it took me a second to realize that she was referring to me. Look, I just think that second bossy was _unnecessary._ I am not even **that bossy.** Really now.

Zuko, on the other hand, realized that she'd meant me straight away. He said _she's __**not**__ that bossy and she's __**not **__annoying and she's __**not**__ a peasant and will you, for the love of agni, __**stop poking me!**_ Azula gasped at took a step back and said _pure, unadulterated bitchy grumpiness – it really is you!_ She seemed to finally believe that he was actually there.

She said she couldn't believe that he was actually here. Zuko snapped back that he wished he wasn't here and he didn't know why he had _bothered _to come. A look of hurt flashed across Azula's face for a second. Zuko apologized instantly and said he didn't mean that. He added that _it was nice to see her?_ But he raised his voice at the end so it sounded like a question.

Azula huffed _you're a terrible liar Zuzu _and went and sat back on the bed. She looked at her poor burned wrists. Zuko, after a minute's indecision, went and sat next to her. He said that he really was glad to see her again, but she turned her face away and said he didn't need to **coddle** her. She wasn't a child. Zuko disagreed and said that she was certainly acting like one. Throwing a big tantrum and refusing to let me and Dr Yang treat her was **just childish.** Azula fired back with _you're the childish one._ Zuko said _no you are! _automatically. Azula said _you are – infinity – no returns. _Zuko made a frustrated little growly noise.

He took a deep breath and tried a different approach. He said that he knew Azula had said that if he came and visited her, she would let me and Dr Yang treat her burns. He was here now. She should hold up her end of the deal and keep her word. That was only fair. Azula shrugged and said _no, I shan't. I've never been that concerned with fair anyway._ Zuko made a frustrated noise again and said _your wrists will scar badly if you don't let any one look at them._

_Maybe I want that _came Azula's quiet confessional response. It seemed like the two of them had forgotten that we were all there. Zuko asked _why would you want that?_ really quickly, with some confusion and dismay. Azula huffed that **Zuko, of all people, should understand.** She shouldn't have to explain it to him. Zuko said _I don't understand at all! Try and explain it to me like I'm an idiot - clearly and without huffing. _A wry grin, which was close to an actual smile, stretched across Azula's face and she said _talk to you like you're an idiot? That should be easy. _Zuko frowned at her, but didn't say anything and just waited for her to speak.

After a beat she asked him if he remembered what he had said, last time they were at Ember Island. Zuko thought for a second and then asked if this was about him saying that the guy she fancied was a **Neanderthal goonface.** Azula looked at him like he was the stupidest person in the world. She said _this is not about stupid Chan Zuzu! Why would you even think that? _ He said defensively, that she had only given him "something he said on Ember Island" as a clue – and that was the **only thing** they had **fought** about on Ember Island. Azula said, sounding almost like her old self, _you know, I didn't think it was possible – but you have actually __**gotten stupider.**_

Azula said that surely he remembered what he'd said in the house…after the bonfire…when they'd gone around and looked for more portraits to burn. Something like recognition and worry flashed across Zuko's face. Azula said that she remembered it clearly. She'd asked him if his scar ever bothered him and he'd said that he was okay with it, because there wasn't any point to being _only hurt on the inside_. When people had been **hurt badly**_**,**__ it should show. _

Zuko said that he hadn't meant it _like that._ He hadn't meant anything at all and he'd been talking out of his arse then. Azula said _no, you were right _forcefully. **It should bloody well show.** She **hurt **on the inside, but there was no point just hurting on the inside. She had tried to put that hurt on the outside – but it hadn't helped. But at least now, people would _see_ her hurt.

Zuko started to say something in protest, but she cut him off and said _Look at you! People only need to take __**one look**__ at you and then they know that you're going to be __**a complete basket case.**_ Zuko snapped back that he wasn't the **basket case** out of the two of them – she was the one who… he stopped abruptly and clamped his lips shut. It looked like it took a lot of effort, but he stopped himself and took a deep breath and didn't finish that sentence.

Azula seemed to guess what he was going to say anyway and started goading him. _Go on, you can say it. Mum's not going to scold you for saying it now…. you're the one __**who's crazy**__. That's what you were going to say. Wasn't it?_ Zuko said that he wasn't going to say it. Azula trilled that was _just typical_- he still didn't want to disappoint mother dearest, even after all the years. She then turned to her left and had a small conversation with her "mother" and said something along the lines of_ mum_ _did you hear what your precious one nearly said to me_? Really she was talking to the empty space next to her, but this didn't seem to bother her.

She turned back to Zuko and said airily _you're too late. Mum's already disappointed in you, so you can drop the act. You don't need to __**pretend**__ you care about me anymore. _ Zuko once again, visibly forced himself calm. There was a small pause before he said _Azula, mum's not here right now _gently. Azula looked to her left again and her shoulders sagged in disappointment.

There was a sad little moment of silence and she hunched further in on herself. Zuko broke the silence and said that he had _never been pretending_. Azula always said he was a terrible liar – she should know that he'd never been pretending. Azula nodded slowly.

Zuko asked if she would let us take a look at her burns now. She said _no _again. Zuko slumped and gave another long-suffering sigh. Azula said she'd let Zuko take a look instead. She uncurled herself from her hunched position and held her wrists out. Zuko seemed a bit taken aback and said _me? but…._then something like grim resolve passed over his face and he said _okay._

He took her hands and turned them over and then inhaled sharply and winced. Dr Yang surreptitiously crept closer and looked over his shoulder. She then rummaged around in her bag and pulled out a little pot. She tapped Zuko on the shoulder and handed it to him. He nodded in acknowledgement and took it, and rubbed the contents liberally over Azula's wrists. His hair fell into his face while he did so. Azula remarked, in an offhand tone _you really need to do something with your hair–__the __**disheveled mop**__ look is __**so undignified**_. Zuko didn't look up, but responded cheekily with _says the girl who is currently wearing pink pom poms in her hair. _Azula looked offended and said_ I'll have you know, Ming did my hair this morning and she thinks it looks nice _in a prim sounding tone.

Zuko finished rubbing in the burn salve and Dr Yang pulled out two bandages and handed them to him. He wrapped these around Azula's wrists and secured them in place. Then he saw fit to say _there – all better _in a terrible effort a false cheerfulness_. _Azula rolled her eyes and muttered that he was _such a dumdum_ under her breath.

There was an awkward moment, now that his task was complete. Azula suddenly reached out and grabbed his arm and asked, with a sudden intensity that was a bit worrying, if he was coming back tomorrow. Zuko glanced at Dr Yang and she nodded imperceptibly. He turned back to Azula and said that he'd come back tomorrow. Azula seemed satisfied with this. She folded her newly bandaged arms in front of her knees and said in a regal sounding tone _very well, until tomorrow then._ She made a dismissive wave at all of us, as if that was **that end of that** and nothing unusual had happened.

-o-

Ming stayed in the room to guard Azula, and Dr Yang, Zuko and I walked at a cracking pace back outside. Zuko waited until we had walked out of earshot of Azula's room before he started _freaking out._ He fretted about her dramatic weightloss and how crazy she was and how she was talking to their mother. At some point Dr Yang took a different turn and we started walking to a different part of the building. We ended up in the kitchen area, strangely. Dr Yang started pottering around and Zuko slumped in one of the chairs and continued freaking out. I sat next to him and rubbed soothing circles on his back and made all the sympathetic noises and told him he'd done really well.

Dr Yang plonked a tea pot in front of us and three cups. She starts pouring them out and handed the first to Zuko, as she said _never tell you uncle I said this, but I am prescribing you a big cup of tea._ Zuko said he didn't feel like tea. Dr Yang said tea wasn't optional. She then sat across from us and poured two extra cups.

Dr Yang said that she knew it was difficult for Zuko to see Azula like that – but she thought he had done vey well. Azula had seemed…_better,_ when talking with him. That was the most lucid she'd been since Dr Yang had started treating her. Zuko dropped his cup and said incredulously _that's her most lucid! She's talking to our Mum!_ Dr Yang said that technically she was talking to her own hallucination. I'm not sure if she meant this to have a comforting effect or not. If it was meant to be comforting – she failed.

Zuko asked bluntly what was wrong with Azula? What had happened to her? Dr Yang swilled her cup and that physically, Azula wasn't eating properly and she wasn't bending or even trying to self-regulate her body temperature and so she was very prone to fevers. But beyond that Dr Yang wasn't quite sure. She didn't have a solid answer for him.

She said that disorders of the mind was not her field. She had been doing research, but Azula could be plagued by so many different things and diagnosis was hard. Dr Yang had been trying to keep her well cared for and calm, in the hope that a peaceful environment would lead to a composed mind. But she did not have the answer beyond that. She did not know the best way to treat this strange illness.

She said that though it pained her to admit it – the earth kingdom would probably have a doctor more suited to this sort of case. The Earth kingdom was miles ahead of the firenation in studying and researching disorders of the mind. They had pioneered the field after all. It was a whole medical specialty there – they had many doctors who only looked at the mind. Dr Yang said that she could heal Azula's body, but perhaps Azula would need a different doctor to help with _the strange illness._

Dr Yang suggested that Zuko could try and find a mind therapist for Azula in Ba Sing Se. He was going there very soon and the city was where all the leading mind therapists lived and practiced. Zuko said that he didn't think he'd be able to find an Earth Kingdom doctor willing to come to the firenation, they all hated the firenation in the earth kingdom after all. Dr Yang said _we could ask your Uncle if he knows someone – he ALWAYS knows someone after all. _Zuko nodded and agreed and said he'd add it to his to do list.

Dr Yang said that in the meantime, if Zuko was willing, and had the time, he could visit Azula more frequently. Dr Yang thought that Azula had responded quite positively today. She had been fairly lucid and remembered an actual event and had seemed more in touch with reality. Azula had a big problem telling the difference between what was real and what wasn't real – but visits from real people could help her start to differentiate. Perhaps it was time to let a select few people visit her. Dr Yang said that Azula also frequently mentioned her friends Mai and Ty Lee. Did Zuko think that they'd be willing to visit her? Zuko said that Ty Lee would – but he'd have to ask Mai. Dr Yang nodded.

She said that the other big problems aside from getting Azula to recognize reality, was getting her to eat. Currently, Ming could only get her to eat cinnamon and vanilla buns – and she was feeding Azula more of those than was good for her. Perhaps Zuko could try coming back at lunchtime tomorrow and could see if he could get her to eat something more substantial? Zuko agreed. Dr Yang asked if he could think of anything else that she really liked to eat aside from cinnamon and vanilla buns. Zuko thought for a second and then rattled off a list of extremely spicy sounding dishes (hot and sour soup, fiery lime komodo chicken etc). When we'd finished our tea, Dr Yang had to go back to the hospital. I was excused for the day. Zuko and I walked back to the house together.

-o-

We walked close together, and didn't say much at first. Zuko seemed a bit lost in thought. We walked the long way home through this nice park. I couldn't stay quiet. I asked him what Azula had meant about him not wanting to call her crazy because of their mother. She had seemed more sensible when saying that. It was bugging me.

Zuko shrugged and said that there had always been something not quite right with Azula, even when she was a little kid. His mum knew it, and he knew it – and sometimes he thought Azula knew it too. He said that when he was mad at her, he used to say mean things about it. He shrugged here and said _I was a real jerk of kid sometimes,_ by way of explanation. His mother always got **very cross** when he teased Azula for being sick in the head. She taken Zuko aside and said that he should never make fun of Azula's…_oddity._ She'd said he had to look out for Azula because she was his little sister and she couldn't help it.

He was making his guilty face. I had a good idea what he was feeling guilty about and said that he couldn't blame himself for Azula's oddity, most insistently. _Azula's oddity_ seemed like the euphemism he preferred to use and now I was saying it too.

Zuko said it was just _so weird_ for him to see her like that. Azula had always been so capable, even with her …oddity. She was so wicked smart and good at **everything.** He turned to me and said _you want to know the weirdest thing? When Mum made me promise to look out for her, I remember thinking "yeah right" so clearly. I couldn't imagine that Azula'd ever need me for anything, let alone looking after her, because she was always banging on about how she was perfect and gloating about how much better she was than me at everything. And now she's….._He seemed unable to finish that thought and it just hung in the air.

I said for what it was worth, I thought he had really helped her. He'd been really good with her and hadn't lost his temper at all. Zuko looked down and confessed that had been **really hard** for him. _Azula was just so….I just wanted to _(here he mimed strangulation). She had done so many terrible things to him. But he couldn't hate her, or even hold any of it against her now. Not in her current state.

He said that he wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to help her, but at the same time, she made **everything harder.** If she ever recovered all her marbles, she'd definitely make trouble for him. And right now all Zuko wanted was a trouble free life (I didn't want to rain on his parade, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.)

I asked him _what does your heart tell you? _I know it's such a trite question. But it is how I make all my decisions. Zuko thought for a second and said _I'd never be able to just leave her. It's my responsibility to take care of her. Agni help me, she's always going to be my little sister._ I was pleased with this answer and told him so.

I wanted to ask him about what he'd said to Azula on Ember Island. It obviously stuck with her. It stuck with me. I don't know. I mean he rarely talks about his scar and how he feels about it. I thought that this would be an opportunity to talk about that, because I am endlessly curious. But he got shy when I brought it up and asked if I would mind if we just…didn't talk about that. He didn't seem to want to talk about Azula or what had happened anymore – so we said no more on the subject.

There was a slight silence and then Zuko asked me to tell him about my day, in an effort at changing the subject. What had happened at the hospital? I told him about being assigned to the children's ward, and Zanna and her cute face and her poor hands. Zuko said he liked the name Zanna and there was a famous firenation song about a girl called Zanna. I asked him to sing if for me, but he got shy again and said he'd sing it for me next time I was sick instead of soft little seal.

I told him about getting distracted and reading many chapters of **princess Elsa and the goblet of fire** and his eyes lit up. He said _oh, I love those books._ He asked if I had got up to the bit with the dragon in it yet. I had not. Then he started worrying that he had "spoiled" it for me. He was so keen about these Princess Elsa books that I couldn't resist teasing him a little, because he's a_ big, fat princess Elsa _fan and there was no point denying it. I told him it wasn't** as** embarrassing as loving Love Amongst the Dragons, but it was still **pretty dorky.**

Zuko said that both those books were a lot more fun than all the dry legal texts he had to read now and I couldn't pretend that I didn't like princess Elsa – because I had been reading it to Zanna for at least two hours. – so I was a dork too. Okay, he had me there! But I'd get to the end of a chapter and just want to know what happened and Zanna wasn't opposed to finding out.

I asked him why he was reading dry legal texts anyway. He said he was trying to get a better understanding of the war crimes system. His Uncle and Pakku both said that the firenation would have to have some system prepared to punish war criminals for the peace treaties. Right now, they were looking at using the _Vow of honourable conduct_ as a framework. The vow had to be sworn upon entering a leadership position in the firenation military and could be used to bring charges against war criminals, because they all would have sworn it at some stage. Zuko didn't want to agree to anything until he had a better understanding of what he was agreeing to, so he was researching.

I was a bit curious about this whole process. In some respects, I had kind of felt that this sort of thing would be more Aang's department. The proper punishment of war criminals was going to inflame a lot of tempers, especially in the earth kingdom and the water tribes. Wouldn't it be better if this was overseen by Aang, because he could claim complete impartiality? Zuko shrugged and said that was probably true – but he didn't think Aang was ready for something as serious as this. Didn't I remember how ridiculous Aang had been about his evil dad? This was a good point.

Zuko added that Aang didn't have the best image in the firenation. People still held the _Siege of the North_ against Aang, and would not take kindly to him judging war criminals. Also Aang was just a kid. And Aang would** hate** paper work. In the end, this was something that Zuko thought he should sort out for Aang. As firelord, justice in the firenation was his responsibility.

Zuko said the hardest thing would be making the trials as fair as possible. Piandao and Zai Je said that if Zuko just invented rules now and said that people had broken them retroactively, it would look **really bad**. It would look like Zuko was just inventing charges to punish his father's cronies with. No one was mincing words here – because the majority of war criminals would be from Ozai's inner circle and favourite generals and everyone knew it. If Zuko wanted the war crimes charges to be more legitimate, Jee said it would be better to work with the existing legal system. (which he knew a fair bit about from his experience having appeared before the military courts several times).

Zuko cleared his throat and then seemed a bit nervous. I asked him what it was. He said he had a question for me. I nodded and said he could ask me anything. He asked me how I would feel about war crimes charges been laid against Yon Rha. I was gobsmacked. Truth be told I had been trying to put Yon Rha behind me. I hadn't thought about what I did, or what I nearly did – in ages.

Zuko explained nervously, that judging from what he'd been reading, there could be a case made against Yon Rha, because he had killed unarmed civilians unnecessarily. But this wasn't a hard and fast rule and he couldn't guarantee me a conviction. If they went with using the _vow of honorable conduct_ as a framework, the rules about foreign civilian casualties was blurry. But if Yon Rha was convicted, he'd get life imprisonment. It was an option for me to consider. But it was a **long way off** and I didn't have to decide right away. Zuko ended his babble by saying that'd he'd understand and respect my decision either way.

I said quickly that I thought Yon Rha should be brought to justice. I will always think this. That man killed my mother. Though I didn't kill him when I had the chance, that didn't mean that I thought just scaring the shit out of him in the rain was punishment enough. If he could be punished legitimately, I was sure that I would take nothing but grim satisfaction in the result. But that fiery intense anger I had felt before the southern raiders was gone.

At the same time, I couldn't help but think about the adventure that I had with Zuko trying to find Yon Rha. It was the first time we really got to spend a lot of time alone together, the first time he cooked for me, the first time I had been able to tell anyone about Hama. It had been a lot of firsts actually. Yon Rha being punished by some stale court system seemed a little anti-climatic after all that build up. It would be like that little chapter in my life had finally come to an end. I could close the book and move on from it. Maybe that was for the best.

-o-

That afternoon I read the chapters that Dr Yang had assigned to me, about treating severe burns in children. Sokka sat with me on the comfy chairs. He was still reading about all the different ways of making things go bang. Aang was trying to do this meditation thing, with the four elements. Toph and Iroh had gone out on one of their little "secret chats." We call them "secret chats", but they aren't really that much of a secret. Mostly Toph and Iroh go to the tea shop down the road and talk about all of us behind our backs – but **try to act secretive about it.** It worries Zuko because he is sure _they are talking about him_ and _planning things that he is not going to like_.

Ty Lee came wandering over with Suki. Suki instantly climbed into Sokka's chair and snuggled with him. Urgh. Like I get that they love eachother. Really I get that. We all get that. But sometimes they are just so demonstrative and it's a bit_ much_. Oh spirits- what if Zuko and Gloomy Hairbuns are like that I have to watch her _molest him with her Gloomy Paws?_

Gag!

And Boo!

Aang came out of meditation as soon as he saw Ty Lee and made a great fuss over her. He wanted to know if she would go for a fly on Appa with him later. (He's pulling out _the big guns_ there). Ty Lee was very enthusiastic about the offer, but she said that they'd have to go another time because she had **a date** later this evening. She didn't seem to have any inkling about how crushed this would make Aang as she said it. There was a split second of hurt, but the Aang rallied and plastered a big smile on his face and said something along the lines of _date schmate -who wants to go on a boring date, when you could come flying on my flying bison with me?_ Ty Lee giggled and declared that Aang was **funny **and gave his bald head a little rub, in response to this. Then she said that she had to just speak to Zuko quickly, and strolled on into the house.

Aang came and flopped into the chair next to me and folded his arms grumpily. He looked just an angry as he did watching himself be played by a woman in the boy in the iceberg. But he also looked kind of hurt and disappointed. I tried to cheer him up and said various soothing things and brought him sugar cookies and tea. Aang was most perplexed about what Ty Lee had meant by him being **funny.** Funny was normally a _good thing –_ but he felt sure that she had just rejected him. Did she reject him because he was funny? Did girls not like funny?

Sokka piped up that Aang should try **playing aloof **again**. **This is his generic advice to Aang regarding his love life. He was teased soundly for this advice by Suki. Truth be told, Sokka didn't play aloof with her and she didn't play aloof with him. In fact, if Suki remembered correctly, he had insulted her in a sexist way and then she had kicked his arse and made him wear a dress and make up. Sokka said something along the lines of _and I still turned you on, even in a dress and make up –_ which was just a **giant and unnecessary over share.** Aang looked a little bemused by this. He asked if girls liked dresses and make-up on boys? Because Aang wasn't _sure about that…_ frantic back-pedaling from Sokka ensued.

In the end Aang went with aloof. When Ty Lee came back out, she was in a bit of a rush. Aang slouched back and tried to look "casual" but this went unnoticed by Ty Lee who dashed past us and said _can't talk now – bye!_ and was gone. Gloomy Hairbuns came not long after (Boo!) She nodded at us briefly in acknowledgement but didn't break her stride. Gloomy had aloof down pat! She could give Aang lessons in aloof.

She went to see Zuko, but quickly strode back out again. He followed her out into the hall. Gloomy was drawling in a bored tone that her answer was_ no, hell no and never in a million years. _ her tone was bored, but I could hear a twinge of annoyance. We could all hear, but at first Sokka and Suki, tried to tacitly ignore the argument taking place. I might have eavesdropped – because that is what I do.

Zuko was saying that Gloomy should _just think about it,_ because it could really _help her. _Gloomy took a big step back and looked incredulous and angry, She said with an uncharcateristic amount of emotion _Help her? __**Screw her!**_ She Seemed to collect her Gloomy self after that outburst. she added in a more neutral tone _she left me to rot in prison -_ Zuko said that he knew that, but Azula wasn't the same person now. She was in a bad place and needed to see familiar faces.

Gloomy asked in a flat monotone how he could tell that she wasn't the same? How did he know that Azula wasn't just **faking it?** There was a pause. It seemed like the idea that Azula was faking it had never occurred to Zuko. I personally don't think she's faking. It would be hard to fake _that._

Zuko eventually said he wasn't _sure,_ but he didn't _think _that she was faking it…and anyway, it was just a small visit and it **wasn't like Gloomy was doing anything else during the day anyway**. Gloomy bristled at that, but she didn't shout back. Instead She raise an eyebrow and folded her arms and said with a great deal of weary sarcasm _Oh, I see. So you are suggesting that I spend my day going to help the most __self-obsessed, manipulative megalomaniac bitch in firenation history,__ because I'm "not doing anything else" – thanks but I think I'd prefer to swallow my own knives during the day. _Zuko sighed and said that Dr Yang said it would help Azula get back in touch with reality. Gloomy tapped her chin in faux-thought and said still in her annoying flat expressionless voice - that would be the reality in which Azula was a _total colossal bitch and everyone was better off without her._

Zuko got frustrated with her then. Zuko asked how could she talk like that – Azula had been her friend. Gloomy said _we weren't friends_ abruptly. Zuko paused for a second and then declared that he and Ty Lee **were going** and he thought it would be great if she could come too. Gloomy shrugged to indicate that she wasn't bothered by the fact that Zuko and Ty Lee were going and then said that Ty Lee was obviously a sycophant and he was a masochist for wanting to see Azula.

She said in a way that sounded** distinctly patronizing,** even despite Gloomy's lack of verbal range, that Zuko had _obviously taken too many blows to the head during the war._ Didn't he remember all the _terrible things_ Azula had done to him? Didn't he remember all those times Azula had gone out of her way to try and kill him? Why would he sign up for more time with the psychopathic nut-bag?

Zuko said _she's my little sister!_ _What would you have me do instead? _Gloomy said that if he was **smart –** he'd never go back to see her again. Azula only ever tried to hurt him, why should he care what happened to her now? Zuko had made sure she was well cared for – in Gloomy's eyes he had done his duty. Zuko huffed that he **knew** Gloomy _wouldn't understand._

Gloomy was a bit pissed off by this. I can tell because she crossed her arms here and asked_ just what is __**that **__supposed to mean?_ Zuko said that he knew she wouldn't understand about brothers and sisters – after all she had been so willing to give away Tom-Tom _like he was nothing to her._ She was lucky he was with the Avatar and not some weirdo.

Gloomy, still with her arms crossed, said that there had been extenuating circumstances there. then she drawled _ also, the Avatar** is** a weirdo_ (We were all eavesdropping by this stage. Because none of us could even pretend that we couldn't hear what was going on by this point. Aang looked a bit offended here, when Gloomy called him a weirdo). Gloomy continued and said that the Avatar was _the weirdest person she had ever met in her life and he was so stupid! He actually thought…_ Aang piped up at this point that he could_ hear_ her and he was sitting just here, in his great offence.

Both Zuko and Gloomy were very startled by this pronouncement. I think they had both gotten so into their argument/discussion that they didn't think about all of us sitting here. Gloomy had the decency to look a touch embarrassed. Or at least I think it was embarrassed. It's so hard to tell, with her expressionless face. Zuko quickly said that Gloomy _hadn't meant that_. Gloomy shot him a look and made a disgusted noise.

At that point Iroh and Toph came home, laughing at something. They stopped abruptly when Iroh saw Gloomy in the hall. He very quickly tried to neaten his hair and wandered over to her. Iroh bowed at her and introduced himself and said that he was delighted to meet Zuko's enchanting new friend properly. Mai gave a curt bow back and said it was nice to meet him, but she wouldn't be staying. She was _just leaving._ She said _just leaving_ and shot Zuko **the crossest look** and strolled out.

Toph crossed her arms and said _well that was rude_ sounding faux scandalized. Iroh gave Zuko a very questioning look. There were so many questions in his raised eyebrow, it could have broken free of his face and started a trivia night somewhere. Iroh started with _Zuko…._ what he was going to say, we will never know. Because Zuko cut him off and wailed melodramatically_ I don't want to talk about any of this Uncle! _He stormed off and slammed a door somewhere, leaving Iroh and Toph standing there looking a bit perplexed. Iroh mused _was it something I said?_ Toph said she thought it was just one of **those **days for Zuko. Iroh said that she might be right. He excused himself and said he had to go and do some Uncle-ing and wandered off after Zuko.

Well that was eventful. See this is why Zuko and Gloomy are all wrong for each other! Seriously now, they are so ill suited it is not even funny.

-o-

Everything settled down after that. Toph could see how upset Aang was (he was still a bit upset about Ty Lee's date) so she took him earthbending. Smashing rocks always makes Toph feel better about the state of the world. Suki and Sokka went off to canoodle. Iroh and Zuko ended up chatting for ages and I presume things went well because Zuko seemed in a much better frame of mind when he emerged. But he was playing a game called _that whole big argument __**never happened.**_ I indulged him and didn't comment on it. instead I got my reading done and bothered Lenka in the kitchen.

We all had dinner together and there was fun and shenanigans and laughter. Nobody mentioned Gloomy and Zuko's argument – thank goodness. _The tact fairy_ must have visited. _The tact fairy_ is normally Suki – who has frequently blessed Sokka, and occasionally Toph and Aang with advice on how to be tactful. Then Aang wanted to redeem his **Love Advice Coupon –**Much to Uncle's surprise. He did not know that Zuko had given it to Aang.

He told Aang that conversations about love were best had over tea – and advised Aang to go and order a pot of his favourite blend from Lenka. Aang raced off. Uncle looked askance at Zuko and said that the _coupons were not meant to be transferable._ Zuko looked at his Uncle imploringly and asked him to just **fix this** for him. Aang had a giant crush on Ty Lee and thought she was his **forever girl.**

Uncle asked_ Ty Lee, the delightful acrobat Ty Lee? _ for clarification. Zuko nodded. Uncle's eyes went wide with realization and he said he understood. Zuko said that if his Uncle didn't have **this conversation** with Aang, **he **would have to have **this conversation** with Aang. That horrifying thought hung in the air for a brief second, and then Iroh said that he _saw Zuko's point._ He got up and wandered after Aang, but at the door he turned back and told Zuko that he was going to _make him another coupon. Just in case._

_-o-_

It was a nice and peaceful night that **all went to hell in a handbasket** in a very short space of time. Later that night, when nearly everyone else was asleep, there was a frantic knocking at the door. It was Dr Yang, and a very bleary eyed looking Ming. With bad news. It appeared that after Azula had been put to bed, and Ming had left for the night – there had been a changing of the guard. Azula had used the momentary distraction and escaped.

Shit.

Dr Yang was contacted first and she had come and gotten Ming. They thought that she would have come here, if she had come anywhere. They wanted to search the house for her. We all sprung to action – except Sokka, who still had his broken leg. Iroh, Toph and Aang had all long since gone to bed (though Iroh was woken by all the commotion). I instantly went and checked in their rooms, just in case, while the others searched the rest of the house.

It was actually creepy wandering around the house on my own with a crazy girl on the loose. Every little creak had a life of its own. Aang's room was clear and he was sound asleep. But he had kicked his blanket off – from thrashing in his sleep. I tucked him back in gently. I accidentally woke Toph, when I went to check on her room. She could sense all the movement in the house and knew something was going on. She could feel how worried I was. I tried to dismiss it as nothing. She said that she _knew _I was lying and insisted on helping me look, using her earthbendy skills. We couldn't find anything in the next few rooms, and went to reconvene with the others.

There was a frantic, worried meeting. Azula wasn't anywhere in the house – and Dr Yang had been _so sure_ she would have come here. Zuko was worried and irate that this had even happened. How did she even get out? Dr Yang had zero patience for his blathering on this subject. She said we had to find Azula** first **and he could do his _righteous indignation thing_ later.

She asked him if he could think of anywhere that Azula might go, if she hadn't come here or the Palace. Zuko thought for a second and said _either the circular docks or the cherry gardens. _He got up to notify the guards in those areas to be on the look out for her – but Ming stopped him urgently. Azula was_ terrified _of the guards – if a horde of guards came at her, there's be no telling what she might do. Wild animals and people are always the most dangerous when they're cornered and Azula was no different.

Zuko asked what Ming suggested then. Ming said that she thought the best thing would be to split up and search for her in pairs of people that Azula knew well. She would _react _better with people she knew. Dr Yang thought it would be better if she was found by someone she knew, who could escort her calmly back to the convalescent house. If she couldn't be found at either the Circular Docks or the Cherry Gardens, they could call the guards – but right now, they should try searching in a low-key manner.

Zuko said that in that case, Ming and Dr Yang could take the Cherry gardens. Zuko and Iroh should take the docks. Toph and Suki and I wanted to help – But Ming said this wasn't _the best idea._ Azula had been **extra erratic** this evening and might not _react well_ to being found by her former enemies. The four of them agreed to meet back here after they had checked their areas and dashed off.

-o-

I waited up. I was so intensely worried. I couldn't sleep. I hated that I hadn't been able to search too. I am a master waterbender. I could handle myself. I could handle Azula. I started catastrophising in my head. I kept thinking what if something happened and I wasn't there. I am so used to being in the thick of things that being left at home was **really irritating.**

Toph waited up with me for a while, but then she couldn't keep her eyes open and decided to head back to bed. Suki and Sokka also went to bed. I stayed up and drank cup after cup of tea and fretted. I tried to read the chapters Dr Yang had assigned, but the words danced before me and I couldn't concentrate.

Perhaps if I had not been waiting up – I never would have found her. I was looking into the garden and drinking another tea when I saw the faintest movement near the pond. A quick flash of pink. I put my cup down, and filled my bending skin with fresh water from the kitchen. Then I quietly crept out into the garden to investigate.

She had come out from the bushes and was standing listlessly on the edge of the pond. A few turtle ducks swam over to her lazily and she gave them **the stink eye.** Then something changed in her expression and suddenly she jumped right into the middle of the pond and made a giant splash and scared all the ducks away.

What the fuck?

I ran over to the pond and used my bending to toss her out of the pond in a giant wave. She lay spluttering and coughing on the grass. I stood over her and, out of sheer habit; I put my hands on my hips and started scolding her. I asked what on earth was she doing! That water was _filthy_ and full of turtleduck shit (Azula made a face as soon as I said this).

Azula looked up at me and looked… almost amused. She said _hello bossy, annoying peasant _in a normal and falsely pleasant voice. I asked, firmly, what she was doing here. She looked around and said she was _just checking,_ in that same faux-pleasant voice.

But then something abruptly changed and she started muttering to herself that _she'd thought they'd be here, but they weren't here which was silly because they __**always used**__ to be here and where did they go?_ She unnerves me when she's like this. When she mutters crazily to herself, or talks to people who aren't there, it makes me feel really uncomfortable.

She was filthy and soaked through, so I bent the rest of the water out of her clothes. Azula looked at stream of water I had bent off her clothes with fascination. I tried to bring the conversation back down to reality, gently. Now that she was doing the crazy muttering, I didn't want to talk to her too harshly. Instead I sat down next to her so that I was on her eye level and made my voice as soothing as possible. I said that she should come inside with me, otherwise she might catch a cold.

She looked at me quizzically, like I was speaking another language that she didn't quite understand. She asked me bluntly and directly _why are you trying to be nice to me? _There was an accusation in her tone – like she didn't trust niceness in any form. I honestly didn't know. I should hate her. I would be justified in hating her. But I just couldn't.

Maybe I was partly being nice to her because I knew that was what Zuko would want me to do. Also in part because I knew that gloomy Hairbuns would be a bitch to her, were she in my position, and I wanted to be as different from Gloomy as possible. Also I would prefer it if Azula stayed calm (or at least in this weird sort of **almost calm** thing that she was doing now) and didn't lose her shit again, and talking to her in a soothing manner seemed to help. But mostly because I couldn't help but remember that file I'd read about her as a kid – so coldly and clinically record by that psycho Ozai. I wondered how any little girl could have had a hope at making it through a childhood like that, completely unscathed. She'd never really had a chance. I ended up telling her_ I think you need it. _

She said _well in that case, I shan't go inside with you. You're obviously __**madder **__than I am and I'm not going anywhere with a __**mad person **_in a posh voice. then her expression changed and she said harshly_ I don't need anyone to be nice to me. _ I got the feeling that this was a lie she'd told herself so often, that she had begun to believe it. Everyone needs a little kindness – even Azula.

I tried to cajole her into coming inside again. She was looking ill and her clothes were so dirty. I said that Zuko, Iroh, Dr Yang and Ming were all very worried about her and out looking for her but they would be back any moment – as a possible incentive. But she seemed to ignore my comment and instead propped herself up on her elbows and remarked that the turtleducks had come back, in a conversational tone. She was right. They had all scattered when she'd jumped into the pond, but now most of them had returned and were paddling lazily on the pond's surface.

She abruptly swore at the ducks and then turned to me and said _Fucking turtleducks! I don't understand. Mother and Zuko both love this fucking pond - but what is so special about turtleducks? _I could sense there was another question that she wasn't saying. I picked at the grass and gave the best answer I could. I said that turtleducks had simple needs. If you gave them bread and they would love you without ulterior motive. Azula nodded and looked like she was thinking deeply for a second. Then she offered _Ming thinks I'm obsessed with Turtleducks – because I talk about them so much…but I only talk about them because I don't understand. _Umm okay. I didn't know what to say to that. mostly because I was not sure what would be so hard to understand about turtleducks. This was becoming one of the most bizarre conversations I had ever had.

Azula turned a little to face me. It was an assessing gaze. For a brief moment her eyes settled and she didn't seem quite as off her rocker. She seemed almost sane, she sounded almost reasonable when she said _I can see why he loves you _in a soft tone of voice. This seemed like such an abrupt change of subject. I was having trouble keeping up with this conversation - mostly because the normal rules of conversation didn't seem to apply in a conversation with Azula. She added fiercely _But you can't have him peasant – I'm sorry but you can't!_

I ended up saying _excuse me?_ with some confusion and indignation in response. I was a bit lost in this tangent – was she referring to who I thought she was referring to? Azula elaborated. She sat up abruptly and hugged her knee with one arm and gestured in an explanatory fashion with the other. She said that **love was as unfair as money** – it never got distributed evenly. It clusters around people who already have so much of it. She said _just look at yourself peasant – everywhere you go, people will **love** you and you already have so many people who love you. _She pointed at me accusingly here._ But __**I only have Zuko**__ – so you can't have him. __**It's greedy!**_

Ah, I could see what she was getting at now. She didn't know that I didn't have him. Not really. Not in the way that she meant. He was my friend. He made me smile. He drove me crazy. He made me feel braver. I loved him, but I didn't _have _him. Which is a kind of useless state of affairs really.

I didn't have him because he had chosen some slender, gloomy horse-faced girl over me. I couldn't keep the grumpiness from my voice when I said _I don't have him either – he's with Gloomy Hairbuns. _Azula looked curiously at me and asked _who's Gloomy Hairbuns?_ I told her it was just my nickname for Mai. She seemed vaguely amused by this.

However, she still looked really confused and said _they're back together? Seriously? _I said that yes they were back together. I wasn't making up. (I would never make anything that ridiculous and terrible up.) Azula then rolled back on the grass and laughed and laughed like she had been told **the funniest joke** in the world. It sounded like a really genuine laugh actually. She laughed until she was gasping, and then I heard the faintest little snort. **Cripes, they really are related!** She laughed a little bit more and then did that sort of amused deep breathing and said with a real smile -_oh he's hilarious!_

-o-

After her big laugh, she seemed much more compliant. I actually got the weird feeling that _she felt sorry for me –_in her Azula way. She stopped being **difficult** with me and agreed to come inside with me and wait for the others. She was most eager to know how worried everyone was about her. Her eagerness on this subject was slightly troubling.

She paused at the threshold of the house and stood stock-still at the door with an apprehensive look on her face. I turned around and bit back the _oh what now?_ that sprung to my lips. She said a little uncertainly that it had been a very long time since she had been in this house. I cajoled her, and she took a deep breath and came in.

I got her a pair of my jammies to change into, because her ridiculous pink ones were too dirty from the pond scum. And I just couldn't leave her in pond scum ridden jammies. They were just plain red ones that I had picked up from somewhere in the firenation. She looked a little more herself in them, even though they absolutely swamped her. She didn't say thank you – but then she wouldn't, would she?

I took her too the kitchen and made her a cup of tea – for lack of anything else to do with her. I have begun to subscribe to Iroh's belief that a cup of tea can fix anything. She said she didn't have any preference for tea – so I made chamomile (because it is meant to be calming). I took our cups and a plate of ginger snaps out to the little cosy living room and Azula followed. She sniffed the cup I placed in from of her and made a face, but did not comment and sipped it just quietly. I urged her to eat a ginger snap – but she ignored that. The whole night had turned bizarre and weird. Azula and I were talking and she was wearing my old jammies and I had made her tea and it was all **too mad.**

She looked around after a beat and muttered to herself _why did I even come back here?_ It was something that I had been wondering myself just quietly. Mostly I was worried that she would make a habit of running away and showing up here. I asked her why she had come. I guess I thought if I could understand the thinking behind what brought her here – I would be better able to prevent it from happening again. I'd hate to think what would have happened if she had come by during the day, when the others were awake. I was sure there would have been **drama.**

She suddenly seemed to want to share with me. She told me that she _could have gone anywhere –_ She knew how to get money, she knew the train schedules and the ferry schedules. She could have _disappeared _if she wanted to. She said this in a way that made it sound like a **threat.** But then her voice shook with uncertainty and I wasn't sure who she was threatening really. I don't think she was sure either. I asked her _what stopped her,_ in a cautious whisper.

She said said _it's this thing_ – and touched her head gently. She said that she had _other people_ in there and they were **so distracting** and she'd only like to go away if she could _leave all the others behind._ But she couldn't because they _always came with her._ If she ran away, she could try **pretending** that nothing was wrong and she was good at that. She'd been pretending for years and years and years. But she was **so tired** and she couldn't pretend anymore. She said this last bit sadly and looked down at her cup forlornly.

She looked up suddenly and asked if I wanted to know _what it was like?_ I wasn't sure if I did – but I thought that the tea and talking was doing her some good, so I indulged her and told her to tell me what it was like. She said that tonight was like being _stabbed in the stomach._ My eyes briefly flashed to her stomach in worry. She rolled her eyes and said _not literally, you idiot._ Azula still loves to mock other people's intelligence – this trait has endured despite everything.

She said that she had actually been standing near the train station earlier tonight – and she knew she was in **big trouble** whatever she decided. She knew she **couldn't pretend** again – but she didn't want to go back to the _place._ Should she "pull out the knife", cut her losses and just run… and hope she didn't bleed to death? Or should she leave it in? Maybe it was staunching something that needed to be staunched. I said that conventional medical wisdom was _to leave the knife in_ – really that was the best course of action for her. It was much better to leave it in, and **wait to receive proper treatment**. With proper treatment – I was _sure she could recover._ I was breaking the metaphor a little bit here - but Azula understood what I was getting at.

She laughed bitterly and asked me if I really thought recovery was a possibility for her. I told her I _knew_ it was. In truth I am not really sure at all. I don't know anything about the sort of thing that is wrong with her – but what benefit would be gained by telling her that now.

Sometimes little white lies are the kindest thing.

-o-

In the spirit of waiting to receive proper medical treatment, Azula let me try to heal her wrists. It was tricky because the burns were older now – and I think I need to heal burns within a very short space of time to be able to heal them completely. But I managed to take the angry redness out of them and help them smooth over. Azula and I had actually been talking quietly – so as not to wake the others. But that all got shot to hell when Zuko and Iroh and Ming and Dr Yang returned.

They had all arrived at the same time – so they met at the front door. Zuko was loudly dismayed that Ming and Dr Yang hadn't found her either. Azula seemed vaguely amused by his fretting and rolled her eyes and muttered _he's so dramatic _fondly_._ I got up quickly to tell them that she was here – so they wouldn't worry.

Azula followed me all the way to the front door and actually squashed past me to open it first, which was a bit unnecessary. She opened the door quickly and said _**surprise brother!**_ (I would demur quietly that Azula is_ equally as dramatic_ as Zuko and is fond of making "_an entrance"_). Zuko certainly was **surprised.** (I have a sneaking feeling that Azula is a big part of the reason why he **hates surprises**). His face was a perfect blend of shock, dismay, confusion and irritation. Azula seemed to like this expression, because she laughed to herself and waved in Zuko's direction and said _this face you make – I'll __**never**__ get tired of it!_

Then she sashayed past him and tried to go down the steps. But he grabbed her shoulders and looked torn between shaking her and hugging her. Instead he asked slowly – it sounded like he was deliberately trying to keep his voice under control and not shout at her - if she was okay. He said he'd been **so worried,** he'd been searching circular docks for the **past three hours** looking for her. She shook him off and said _honestly Zuzu, I am fine! Bossy Bossy peasant and I have just been having a nice chat about turtleducks and being stabbed in the stomach. _Zuko glanced between us in confusion. I mouthed _don't worry _at him.

Azula then exclaimed that everyone needed to **stop fussing** over her – except for Ming. Ming was allowed to fuss. She said it so regally and snottily – and I could see the other four were a bit annoyed by her nonchalance. Azula declared that she was tired now and was ready to go back to _the place_ and started walking. Ming linked her arm with Azula's and steered her in the right direction. Iroh offered his arm to Dr Yang and asked if he would be allowed to escort such a lovely and intelligent young woman – now that the search was over. Dr Yang gave him a little smack and said _you daft old besom_ – but linked her arm with his.

Zuko paused with me a while. He was just looking **beside himself.** It had been an emotionally intense day for him after all – and it still wasn't over. I rubbed his shoulder soothingly. He seemed to be feeling predominantly relief and annoyance and this present moment. I tried to comfort him and said that Azula was _found _and she was _fine_…well as fine as she could be.

-o-

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The rambles:

Lovely wonderful readers! Thanks some much for reading this chapter. I know Azula can be a polarizing character and naturally YMMV over everything. Also gigantic enormous thanks to everyone who takes the time to review – seriously, I do love all your feedback! So thanks again. So this chapter deals mostly with the re-introduction of Azula's character. Azula's character has always fascinated me. I found her to be such a compelling villain. I am an Azula apologist and I hope for her eventual recovery – because she is so badass that I cannot believe that her story ends with madness at 14.

I think that she is also redeemable. It took Zuko three seasons before he turned his back on Ozai and he had his loving uncle's attention for three years. Azula, on the other hand, has been left solely under the care of Ozai for those same three very formative years – so I cut her lots of slack.

The title comes from a poem called **the Goblin Market** – by _Christina Rosetti._ It's an odd little poem, but I can't help but like it. At its shallowest level, it is about the bond between siblings, and the Azula/Zuko bond was something I wanted to look at more closely in this chapter.

There was also a big abandoned storyline that got the chop this chapter – about Katara confronting racism in the firenation, especially from the patients she was trying to treat. I actually think that this would definitely happen and it was something that I would have liked to include. However I'm not going to pursue this story line. Racism is such a big issue and if I were to write about it I would want to do it properly and from my own experience. but everything I write would be tainted by white privilege and I feel that I can't do this issue justice from Katara's POV. I have never had racism directed at me personally. Katara is a WOC, and would be experiencing things that a WOC in a white dominated society would experience. I imagine that there is a great POC writer out there who could explore this issue so much better than I could. However I did write pages and pages about this before it got the chop and I just wanted to give a little nod to the storyline that won't be.

Instead of a racist jerk – we get Zanna instead. Katara gets pretty attached to Zanna very quickly. I actually think getting over attached to her patients would be the biggest hurdle for Katara. She really gets over-involved in people's lives when she's "helping" them. Her over-attachment and over-involvement is going to cause **issues** for her. So I thought it was fitting that she got exceptionally attached to her very first proper patient. The Princess Elsa series is a little nod to JK Rowling and HP. Because I can. Also if you were going to lose track of time reading a book to a kid, HP would be the prime suspect.

Zanna is a very young bender who hasn't mastered how to put out fires yet. Sozin's comet made** all** firebenders 100 times more powerful, even the young untrained ones. Can you imagine? The poor girl probably knew how to put out small fires because she could only create small fires. But then on Sozin's comet, she got upset and instead of a small fire, it would have been _an inferno._ Anyway the more I think about Sozin's comet, the more **fridge horror** I come across.

In this chapter I mention that both Zuko and Azula are uncomfortable in their new clothes – to illustrate that they are both adjusting to new roles and a new reality. Zuko finds the firelord robes **too cumbersome** – because he still sees being firelord as such a burden and hasn't learnt how to inhabit that role yet. Azula and her weird pink get up, is a sign of her regression and deterioration. She is reverting almost back to a child-like role in which she has to be constantly supervised and cared for.

So Azula is obviously mentally unwell – but I would say that she has been for some time. She comes apart at the seams in Sozin's comet and I think what we are actually seeing is her first big mental breakdown. I actually think that this would have a profound effect on her character. It would be life changing. She is growing through a very painful development now and her old world has completely crumbled away. That is part of the reason why she is less hostile, even to Katara in this chapter. Azula did everything deliberately. She always had a plan previously – but now she doesn't even have a shadow of a plan.

I think stress and paranoia would have been major exacerbating factors in her breakdown. That is why Dr Yang has been trying to limit her stress as much as possible in her treatment. So Dr Yang has been doing her uptmost to work _with _Azula and not force treatment on her. Dr Yang has known Azula since she was a child and would have more tolerance for her _oddity._ Also I imagine she would know enough of Azula's temperament to know that **forcing things** on her would only make her reactions worse. Also some things, like food would be really hard to force on someone in the feudal/Victorian age. Before intravenous fluid hydration, if someone refused to eat, it was very hard to make them.

Ming instead spends a great deal of her day trying to cajole Azula into eating. Azula's reluctance to eat is, in some respects, an outlet for her _control issues- _food is one of the only things in her life that she can control now. Ming and Azula are also developing an interesting relationship and Azula is becoming steadily dependant on her. Partly because Ming looks a little like Ursa and also Ming's constant attention is something that Azula always craved from Ursa. Azula is cooperative sometimes and is not always difficult and this makes working _with_ her not completely impossible.

Dr Yang and Ming are the primary care-givers at the moment. Their attitude to Azula is very different to what I would normally expect from the firenation. I think that Azula is treated so well because of her royal status and Zuko's insistence that she be treated with kindness. In all honesty, I don't think that there would be much understanding towards mental illness in the firenation and it would still be largely stigmatized. The firenation is an extremely ableist society. I can see them having a _stiff upper lip – keep your chin up and get a hold of yourself_ mentality towards those suffering from mental illness.

I think the earth kingdom would be much more understanding of certain mental problems. This is one area where Ba Sing Se would be miles ahead in terms of research and development. They have obviously developed sophisticated mind control techniques. Think of the Dai Li and _there is no war in Ba Sing Se!_ That implies a good understanding of psychology and how the brain works.

If I had to come up with a real world example, I would compare it to the British vs Continental attitude towards shell shock during WWI. It was a big problem, but the continent was much further ahead in terms of how they understood psychology. In the avatarverse, while an earth kingdom solider returning from battle and suffering from PTSD would be met with compassion and probably treatment – a solider from the firenation would probably be told to _snap out of it and keep it together. _This lack of knowledge in part explains Ursa's little _what is wrong with that child_ comment. She knew something was not right in Azula-land, but did not know what, due to lack of knowledge in this field.

I think that Dr Yang is a very skilled physician, but psychology is not her field at all. and it is not realistic that she would know absolutely everything. She is trying her level best for Azula, She's been researching in her spare time but has read many conflicting view points. She recognizes her own limitations and so she suggests that Zuko try and find a good therapist in the earth kingdom to help his sister.

So Zuko and Azula's sibling bond is looked at this chapter. YMMV on everything in this chapter. I do think that there is a great deal of affection and resentment and competition all tied up there. It's a big old mess. But deep down they do love each other. They show it in different, and occasionally unhealthy ways, but it's still love. I actually think that Zuko is in a better position to help Azula than Ursa at this point, because he probably understands her a little better right now.

I think that helping Azula would eventually be cathartic and healing for him too. (Eventually – at the start it is going to be both emotionally intense and really frustrating.) but I think helping her heal and make peace with their childhood will help him make peace with it too. I actually think Zuko is repressing a lot of his feelings with regards to his messed up childhood currently. In an odd way he and Azula have now switched positions – with Azula being very demonstrative about all her feelings and Zuko having to keep it together.

I actually think that they both need each other to help them make sense of their own identities. They need each other more than ever, especially now that they are trying to forge new identities. They have defined themselves in contrast to each other their whole lives. In fact, they have been encouraged to do so by at least Ozai, if not Ursa as well. They were constantly compared throughout childhood. They each get a sense of who they are as people from interacting with each other.

I could never see Zuko _locking Azula up and throwing away the key_, so to speak. If only because of how much pity he has for her at the end of Sozin's comet. Moreover that is really not his character anyway. Zuko is actually very devoted to his family and very forgiving of them. Think about how much he forgave Ozai and how long it took for him to realise that Ozai was a bastard covered bastard with bastard filling. Ozai burned off half his face and Zuko still just wanted that man's love. in someways his devotion to his family (as messed up as they are) is something that Katara really likes about him, because family and community is such a big part of watertribe culture.

I think that though Azula tried to kill him several times – he's going to _let that slide._ Or at least bottle up his feelings regarding that for the time being. He going to try and not hold her previous evil deeds against her. However Azula and Zuko are in a better place to repair their relationship than Zuko and Ozai ever were. And that is because there is genuine affection on both sides and because Azula still has the capacity to grow and learn and change and she is capable of saying sorry, even if she says it very rarely.

I think that eventually Azula will come to terms with what she did and try to make amends to Zuko and to a few other people. I think that Zuko will be pretty keen to properly forgive her after she shows some contrition over that whole _nearly killing_ him thing. I don't touch on that here in this chapter because I don't think Zuko would bring it up and I think that Azula has not yet accepted everything that happened during their Agni Kai. Azula is nowhere near ready to even process what happened during Sozin's comet, let alone admit culpability and fault. But in my head canon, all actions have consequences and Azula will be ready to face hers one day. Bottom line is that healing is going to be **a process** for Azula.

Anyway Zuko is going to support Azula, but this is going to cause friction in his relationship with Mai. Mai is very blunt with Zuko here about not wanting to help Azula. She has never sugar coated anything for him – so she calls it how she sees it. I think that Mai and Azula had an interesting relationship that affects why Mai wants so little to do with her now.

I think that Mai was a late comer to the group and was probably coerced into the friendship more than Ty Lee. I can see why Azula would like Mai (intellectual equal and similar sense of humour) but I can see that Mai would have been reluctant to be friends with her, but wouldn't have had any say in the matter and would have been made to go over for play dates anyway by her social climbing parents. This could explain her behavior in _Zuko alone_ and why she is always trying to sit apart from Azula and Ty Lee – she doesn't actually want to be there. I see _Zuko alone_ taking place not long after Azula has decided she wanted Mai for a friend – when Mai is still a fairly new addition to the group.

Because Mai is much smarter than Ty Lee – she would have been much more cognizant and resentful of how controlling Azula was and how much power she had over them. Now that Azula has been stripped of her power and Mai does not _have _to see her and take her crap– she won't.

In some ways Mai sees Azula being left to rot in a mental home as almost poetic justice*, because Azula was so willing to let her and Ty Lee rot in prison. I just don't think that Mai would be feeling **that sorry** for Azula, and compassion is not Mai's strongest point anyway. This is not to hate on Mai – but seriously, she ate fireflakes while there were "plague" victims wandering about below her.

*I really dislike the trope that madness is used as punishment, especially in regards to powerful female characters. Don't even get me started, these rants are long enough.

Mai's refusal to help Azula is not meant to make her out to be **the bad guy** in any way. She has legitimate reasons for not wanting to help Azula. I didn't want either Mai or Zuko to be "right" in their argument. They both have a point. Azula does need compassion and understanding, which she will get from Zuko. But she also needs to learn that her **actions have consequences** and that the way she treats people is wrong. Mai refusing to have anything to do with her now is a consequence of Azula's callous treatment of her. She needs to learn that her cruelty can damage her interpersonal relationships irrevocably. Somethings once said, can never be unsaid. It will be a hard lesson for her to learn, but it is one that she needs to learn. I don't think Mai is wrong for not wanting to have anything to do with Azula now.

A lot of things get thrown around in their argument. Zuko says that Mai isn't doing anything else during the day. I can actually see this as big source of frustration in the relationship. Zuko is extremely proactive and found Mai's apathy very exasperating in the show. The fact that she didn't have any passion for anything and was "just a big blah" was his main criticism of her, in their beach argument.

I don't know if Mai doesn't have any passion for anything, but she is definitely too scared at this point to go out there and make something happen for herself. She prefers to sit around and make sassy remarks and complain about being bored. Zuko has so much on his plate right now with being firelord – he will never be bored again. Mai's bored days would seem like a distant luxury to him. While I enjoy Mai, this is something that frustrates me about her character as well. I want to take her out for coffee and tell her that there is absolutely no point is sitting about complaining of boredom when there is just so much** life** out there.

Tom Tom also gets mentioned. Wow this issue polarizes people. I am in a few different minds about it – but I think that what we can ultimately take from it is that Mai is a pragmatist - not a sentimentalist. I think that Mai does care for the little guy – but when push came to shove, she was able to give him away with out it visibly troubling her. Zuko doesn't understand that (because he is very sentimental about babies and kids).

He assumes that Mai won't understand the brother/sister thing he has with Azula. In some respects he is right. Mai does not have a sibling who is close to her in age. She was raised as, in her own words, " a spoiled, only child" until Tom Tom came along, at least. Mai for her part will struggle to understand why Zuko would want to help Azula after all the terrible things she's done. But Mai is only seeing the bad that Azula has done, and not the years of closeness and shared experiences and little in-jokes that would exist between Zuko and Azula. I do think there would be a few little behaviors they'd have in common (snorty laughs and long suffering sighs).

Azula's guilt over hurting Zuko actually drives the action in this chapter. She's not ready to acknowledge her own culpability yet – but she still would have been troubled by guilt all the same. I think that she would have initially started to suspect he was dead when she began to hallucinate him. This is just a manifestation of the fact that she **misses him.** In my head canon, Ursa is alive and Azula's hallucination of her is driven by the fact that she longs for her mother. However Azula doesn't know this and sometimes entertains the idea that she is being haunted by her mother's ghost. When Zuko started showing up too, she would have _freaked._

I think she's got a very shaky grasp on reality at this point and her memories of the Agni Kai are a little blurry too. She would wonder if she just hallucinated Katara healing him. She would have interacted very angrily with her Zuko hallucination and this would have made Dr Yang very reluctant to let Zuko visit her. So real Zuko never visited and everyone spoke to her in soothing voices and Azula assumed the worst.

The uncertainty and the guilt would have eaten away at her and then it culminated in this chapter with her mustering the energy to superheat her hands and burn herself. Her self-harm is a manifestation of the self loathing she is experiencing, but is unable to properly cope with. It is a cry for help – but not the start of a pattern.

I think that these displays of bending would be rare for Azula now. (This is another thing she has to adjust to because she also defined herself very much by her prowess as a bender). I still hypothesize that Azula would lose her bending following her mental breakdown. If loss of drive or purpose caused Zuko to lose his bending after he joined the Avatar (and he still had plenty drive and purpose then) I can only imagine that Azula would also lose her bending after she loses every one of her previous goals and has a total mental breakdown. Also the two things she wanted (being firelord and being constantly and consistently better than zuko) did not pan out for her. Being firelord sucked for Azula, and she nearly lost an Agni Kai to Zuko. (If Zuko hadn't jumped in front of that lightning, it was pretty obvious that he was going to win that match).

Anyway Azula is going to have to find her way back to mental stability and when she is in a good place, she can start looking for alternative sources of firebending. But I honestly think that her mental health should come first and until she's gotten that straightened out she will have a hard time bending.

Though she has lost her bending – I didn't want Azula to loose her Azulaness too much. I wanted her to retain her incredible intelligence and snarky sense of humour and sheer tenacity. I think that Azula is **actually a genius,** but there is a fine line between genius and madness. Anyway I did not want to reduce her to a poor crazy girl, or demonize her as some evil genius. I think that the road forward for Azula would be a mixture between the two. She would retain her sharp intellect. (it is so sharp it could puncture the hull of a firenavy ship and leave hundreds to drown at sea).

Aside from her sharp intellect she will also retain her abrupt mood swings, her tendency to blame everything she can on Zuko and lash out at him, her possessiveness and her controlling attitude and her ability to **mess with people's heads.** Azula is actually exceptionally controlling and tried her best to control most facets of Ty Lee, Mai and Zuko's lives. Now they will be mostly outside her control and she will have to learn that not only should she not use fear to control people, she shouldn't need to **control** people in the first place. She will also be very possessive of Zuko – and we get to see a little glimmer of that here. Azula is **not** a sharer and she sees Zuko as _hers._

But she will come through her breakdown a better person for the experience. She will learn how to manage her illness and grow from everything that had happened to her – and ultimately be a bit of a softer and happier person.

In fact I have this whole head canon that happens a long way in the future with Azula being some sort of crazy intelligent but extremely anti-social detective a la Sherlock in the new BBC version – with Zuko being the Mycroft to Azula's Sherlock. Ooh bonus points because Sherlock is also a self-diagnosed sociopath (much like how Azula considers herself a monster), with much deeper feelings, who went through "a bad patch" and ended up in an institution – and managed to come through the experience a better person.

Anyway before all that lovely deducing can happen – Azula needs to take this time to heal. Right now I think she needs Zuko in a very fundamental way – to provide stability and a sense of family. Oddly, even though he is so volatile, for Azula, he is the most stable member of her "family". At this stage, Zuko is pretty much all Azula has. Uncle Iroh is not that interested in her (and we will look at why in the coming chapters). Something has happened between Azula and Ozai (which I won't go into here) and she was betrayed by Mai and Ty lee.

She knows now that they won't respond to her controlling them through fear – but in many ways this is the only way Azula is able to relate to people. She has very few exchanges that are not dominated with fear. Zuko, however, is someone who wasn't ever scared of her (even when he **should** have been). She didn't control him through fear. She always found him easy to manipulate because he was so transparent. In a way that transparency means that Azula has more trust in him when he shows her affection. He's such a terrible liar – and so when he shows her affection, she knows he means it. Genuine affection is something that I think Azula secretly craves, but doesn't really understand.

Azula and Katara also get to have a few interesting conversations in this chapter. I actually think that Azula would have a certain level of begrudging respect for Katara. She doesn't attack Katara in this chapter because even though she is crazy, she is not an idiot. She knows she can't take Katara without her bending. So instead she tries to get a better understanding of Katara as a person. I think that ultimately Azula would actually be a little amused by Katara and her bossy bossy ways. She is definitely intrigued and confused by her.

Katara is unnerved by Azula - but tries to be kind to her despite this. I think that dealing with this kind of mental illness does tend to make people a bit uneasy and Katara is no different. Though Katara is a never ending well of compassion and she finds it in her heart to be kind to Azula. Katara's kindness will be especially difficult for Azula to comprehend.

Azula is actually quite perceptive and she can tell that there is something going on between Zuko and Katara (well he did jump in front of lightning for her in front of Azula and that's a pretty **big glowing neon sign**). I don't know whether Azula is a "shipper" mostly because she thinks Zuko = her bitch forever. Azula knows something about Mai that makes the fact the Maiko reunion more hilarious for her – but she'll keep that to herself and let it off at a time when it can cause maximum damage/entertainment for her.

Their most important conversation is probably the one about Azula deciding to stay and seek treatment. Mostly I wanted Azula to be proactive in her own recovery – it will be a long road and she's only just started along it, but I didn't want to strip her character of what little agency she would have after the end of the series. She knows she's not right in the head. Her breakdown has knocked the stuffing out of her and she doesn't have energy to even pretend she's fine anymore. She knows intellectually that she will have a hard time making it on her own and does _need_ help.

But accepting help and kindness and admitting she can't do something for herself would be **a very big milestone** for her. Admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery. Running away from a problem is easy (just ask Aang), but facing the problem head on, even though it is hard, is a much more difficult but ultimately more rewarding thing. Azula did have a choice here, and she chose to stay and work through her issues.

Azula and Zuko are both such forceful characters. Realistically, I think that if Azula was kept somewhere against her will, she would find a way to escape. Katara is right when she says in _stalking Zuko_, that Azula is pretty **uncontainable**_._ However, her accepting that she has a problem and needs to seek treatment means that she is in the convalescent home willingly. The fact that she is there willingly and of her own volition and is co-operative in her own recovery, will be a much more effective way of encouraging her to stay put.

A few other things that got briefly mentioned, but will be dealt with more thoroughly in the coming chapters is the matter of war crimes, Yon Rha and the fact that Zuko is deliberately keeping things from Aang. I foresee this as the most logical consequence of Aang's behavior in Sozin's comet. All actions should have consequences and Aang's constant running away from his Avatar duties has now received the consequences of people keeping his Avatar duties from him.

Aang proved then that when push came to shove, he wasn't willing to put the good of the **entire world** before his own i**ndividual **spiritual needs. Aang is not ready to face his duties and responsibilities as an Avatar and is still very much a child. Zuko feels that Aang would be a hindrance in many matters and does not wish to burden him with things that Aang really should have some say in. He has not told Aang about Ozai's assassination attempts, war crimes or siege of the north, because he doesn't feel that Aang can cope with this information.

When Aang find out how little faith Zuko and others have in him as an Avatar and how much is being kept from him (out of kindness and the belief that Aang can't handle it), there will be shenanigans. Also next chapter, there will be an Ozai related shenanigan. And Toph will receive word from her parents and there will be drama and shenanigans.

Till then my lovelies.


	9. The Idea of Home

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The idea of home

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Toph came and surprised me at work today. She just showed up at the hospital – but tried to act all casual and pretend that she wasn't there to see me. she said she had been "just passing by". I didn't finish until the early afternoon and Dr Yang would not let me off early to see what Toph wanted. Toph opted to 'just pass by' again at the time that I finished work.

Most unusual.

I had fretted non-stop about her strange behaviour for the rest of my shift. I was so distracted that I wasn't concentrating properly when I was treating this little boy with something wrong with his digestive system (Dr Yang was running tests). He had a high fever (which I was trying to bring down with my bending) and he vomited frequently. Even though I knew about the vomit thing – thoughts of Toph kept distracting me. The boy went green, but I didn't fetch the bucket in time and he ended up vomiting all over my new work uniform.

Eew! It was _nasty!_

It wasn't the little guy's fault – but it is still the **most disgusting thing** to happen to me in recent memory. Dr Yang seemed vaguely amused by my dismay when she got back, and said that getting vomited on was something I would have to get used to if I wanted to work in the medical profession. She said it was a "good learning experience" for me and she knew I would always keep the vomit bucket handy in the future. Then she excused me for the day. I changed out of my uniform and went outside.

I could see Toph "passing by" repeatedly. She was pacing in the hospital gardens in very un-Toph-like behaviour. The reason for her strange behaviour became clear very quickly. We walked home together and she mentioned, in a _valiant attempt_ at a neutral voice, that Hawky had returned with a letter from her parents. Then she started complaining about how Sokka was being ridiculous with Hawky again, and how Hawky and Momo were squabbling all the time at the house and that was why she just HAD to get out of there for a while. I bit back the sarcastic _suuure _that sprang to my lips – because this was about Toph's parents and I know what a big deal that is for her. So I let her talk about how she just **had **to leave because of Hawky and Momo and **just happened** to come my way. Then I offered what I knew she wanted. Did she want me to read it to her. She nodded.

-o-

We sat under a tree. She handed me the scroll. Expensive paper with an embossed seal. I cracked the seal and quickly scanned the letter. The handwriting was different. Short abrupt characters, not flowing calligraphy. It was from her father, not her mother. It was direct and heartbreaking. I would have given anything not to be the person who had to read this to Toph. I wished that she was less talented at sensing the truth, if only for her own good. If she couldn't tell if I was lying, I could have softened the blow of this letter somehow. But instead, I read it out as it is.

_Darling Toph,_

_You have grieved us greatly dear daughter. Your mother is distraught at your behaviour and is unable to write to you at present. This nonsense must come to an end before it has completely ruined both your reputation and the possibility that we will make a good match for you – if you have not successfully destroyed that possibility already. Men do not like women who pursue manly occupations, after all. _

_I allowed you to earthbend only because it was good for your constitution. I never intended for you to become some sort of warrior. High born ladies are __**not fit**__ for earthbending. It is a brutish and violent art that you should have never been allowed to practice. Your behaviour is completely unacceptable for a young woman of your class and breeding. We raised you to conduct yourself with a modicum of decorum. But now it sounds like you have been making a complete spectacle of yourself. New of your exploits has reached us. Even worse, it has reached the ears of the king. _

_I received word today from the King of Gaoling province, that as the richest merchant in all of Gaoling province, my presence is require for the upcoming peace talks in Ba Sing Se. he informed me that I would have an opportunity to make the acquaintance of all the war heroes including the famed earthbender Toph Bei Fong and asked if you were any relation. Darling Toph you can imagine how surprised I was. _

_It has been settled that we will meet with you in Ba Sing Se and you will return home to us. No daughter of mine will bring shame and disrepute upon her family in such a disgraceful manner. You may think I am being harsh, but I assure you that I am only thinking of you. You are too delicate and too fragile and have been sheltered so very dearly to properly understand the world and how it works. If you did, you would not behave so immaturely and brazenly. Your mother and I keep you a secret from the world for your own good. You will realise this with time. _

_Sincerely _

_Father. _

Toph always seems so sure of herself. She very rarely looks bewildered and sad – but this is always her reaction to her parents' letters. I remembered Lao Bei Fong vaguely. I remembered Toph's heartfelt plea that he accept her as she was – the night of the earth rumbles. He couldn't seem to wrap his head around the fact that she was a brilliant earthbender. From the sounds of this letter, instead of even trying, he was going to dismiss all of Toph's incredible skills. It seems inventing metalbending didn't count for much in her father's book, unless she made a good match. It was so unfair.

I reached out to comfort her, but she jerked away from me angrily. Then she abruptly got up and started running away from me. I chased after her for a bit, but she tripped me with her bending and I landed badly and she raced ahead and I lost her.

-o-

I went back to the house and recruited Suki and Aang to help me look for her. Sokka still had a broken leg and Zuko and Iroh were in some sort of super important meeting. Sokka was very grumpy about being left at home. He was sure he would be the best to "talk to Toph". I wasn't sure. Talk of making fit marriages and lady-like behavior is much more of a girl-area I think. I said that he could stay here and play with Hawky for the time being (Hawky was currently perched on Sokka's cast, preening himself). We set off in search of Toph. I just wanted to find her. I know she likes her space when she's upset, but she could have her space with us nearby couldn't she? I just wanted to know she was okay.

Aang was very confused about her parents letter. I guess this is understandable. Toph is so independangt and acts so grown up – that sometimes I also forget that she has parents waiting for her at home. Parents who love her and worry for her. Parents that don't know her at all and are so bloody misguided in everything they do to Toph. Parents who she misses, despite this. Parents who she might have to go back to. Toph was still just a kid by anyone's standards. What claim had we on Toph compared with her parents.

I guess I sort of figured that she would just stay here. She and Zuko and talked about it with Iroh, about how Zuko had promised her she could always stay with them. I thought it was all sorted, but I hadn't factored in that her parents might want her back, which is a bit stupid really because **of course** they would want her back. The problem was they didn't want Toph, they wanted some girl who would be meek and mild and be her mother's doll.

-o-

Aang found her sometime later. She had made herself a little earth tent in the Azira gardens and was sulking inside. Aang used his earthbending to drop the tent, but she put it back up again quickly and told him crossly to _go away._ I discouraged Aang from dropping the tent again. Instead we all sort of sat around and waited for her.

We started trying to cajole her out with various offers. Aang said that she could travel with him forever. She would never need to go home again. She didn't need to worry about her parents. She and Aang could just have adventures together all the time and never have to worry about anything. It sounded like Toph snorted to this.

I offered gently that she could stay with me – wherever I was. I could take care of her. I know I could. I've been taking care of her for months and months and months, even though she has frequently rejected me and all my attempts at mothering her. I still made sure she was fed and clothed and clean and getting enough sleep and brushing her teeth – and that's want mums do. It's not all they do, of course. I mean there's a lot more to it that just making sure someone brushes their teeth. But I was sure I could do a better job looking after her than her parents. I couldn't stand the thought of Toph having to go home to people who would never even **try **to understand and appreciate her. How could her father know what a remarkable bender she was and still insist that she return home to be a fancy lady.

Suki said that if Toph liked, she could come back with her to Kyoshi island instead…whenever Suki went back there that is. Suki trailed off here because, like me, she was also uncertain about her future. She and Sokka still hadn't resolved where they were going to live when the time came to settle down.

Topg still hadn't responded to us or lowered her tent. I reminded her that Zuko had also said she could stay with him, if she wanted to. She had options; she wouldn't ever have to go home again. Everybody wanted to take care of her. This last sentence provoked a very strong reaction from Toph. She yelled very loudly _for the last time Katara – I can take care of myself!_ She angrily dropped her earthtent and gave us all a bit of a fright.

She stood up and announced that none of us understood at all. We just didn't get it - according to Toph. And the crime of not getting it was dire indeed. She stomped away from us angrily – bent a small hole in the wall and then managed to slam it shut behind her. When Aang flew to the top of the wall he couldn't see a trace of her.

-o-

We searched around for a bit – around the gardens, but couldn't find her again. Suki suggested, in her sensible way, that we give Toph some "space". She said that Toph obviously wanted time to herself to think about things. She would come home when she was ready. We went back to the house, where Sokka was waiting (he was trying to train Hawky to fetch him snacks so he had been well occupied). He noticed instantly that we had not retrieved Toph and his face looked worried.

We told him what had happened. He listened and inhaled sharply and shook his head ruefully. He looked and me and asked if I had really offered to take care of her? Really? He said it like he was oh-so-knowledgeable and I was wrong wrong wrong for wanting to take care of Toph and telling her so. I got stroppy. What was wrong with wanting to take care of Toph. Aang agreed with me.

Sokka said defensively that there wasn't anything wrong in wanting to look after Toph- he wanted to look after Toph as well, but that didn't mean we should go around telling her this. He said _you guys know how proud Toph is_ like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sokka said that his point was that we had all fussed over her, acted like we pitied her and offered to take care of her. We had treated her like she was a helpless little girl. That was exactly what her parents did.

Oh.

Sokka said that Toph would hate to admit that she needed help. She always hated being pitied and treated like she was helpless. Didn't I remember how much I had clashed with her when she first joined the group and how strident she had been to carry her own weight and how much she had hated me mothering her?

I got a bit upset because I felt like Sokka was blaming this whole situation with Toph on me. That wasn't fair. I had only wanted to help her. Also, me and Toph have had our differences and I really have been trying not to mother her so much. But sometimes she seems to like it. I certainly think she needs motherly attention. I am happy to provide that. If she hated me mothering her so much then why did she keep coming to me when there was an issue with her parents?

Sokka got defensive of his position and I argued with him, even though I knew he was right. I am just a bit sensitive about being criticized for being motherly. I have had to take responsibility and take care of everyone since I was a kid. I don't resent it all because I always just assumed it was my job and my role in the group. I don't _mind_ having to mother people, but I also don't like to be ridiculed for it.

Zuko stomped in during the middle of our disagreement, looking stressed and frustrated. Well more stressed and frustrated than usual. Also tired. Did he get enough sleep last night after all the shenanigans with Azula? I must nag him about getting enough sleep later.

He was quickly filled in by Sokka and myself about the occurrences of this morning. He reacted in a very similar manner to Sokka (sharp inhale, head shaking) and agreed with the general sentiment that Toph was proud. Zuko thought she would come back when she was good and ready. If she wasn't back in an hour – we could all go look for her again.

-o-

She wasn't back in a hour and once again we all set off to search. Sokka was, once again, frustrated because of his crutches. I thought he should stay at home – because surely he would not be an efficient searcher, hoping around on those crutches. But Sokka **was through** staying at home and gamely hopped off in search of Toph.

Zuko and I looked together. This was Zuko's second search party in two days and I made a few comments about how he would quickly become an old pro at this. He said that I was probably the one who would become an old pro at this – because I was the one who found Azula. I shrugged and said that I hadn't done much. She had _wanted to be found,_ by the time I happened across her, that was all. He nodded, but thanked me for last night anyway. I asked how she was cautiously. Zuko shrugged and said she'd been…okay today. Ty Lee had been great with her.

He was just looking so tired and talking about Azula seemed to make him more tired. I asked him what time he got back from the convalescence home last night and was a bit dismayed with the answer. No wonder he had bags under his eyes today. I proceeded to nag him a little about getting more sleep/having a nap when he got back. My nap suggestion was met with his normal derisive response (a snort and an indignant _naps? What am I –five?)_. A small squabble about naps and the **importance of getting eight-hours sleep, especially if one is leading a country** ensued.

We came across Toph almost by accident. We could hear the sounds of angry earthbending coming from one of the Palace gardens. Zuko and I had a quick, confused conversation in gestures. He motioned for me to stay here – and then pointed to himself and the garden – to indicate that it was _his turn_ to talk to Toph. I put my hands on my hips and made a skeptical face at him – my face said _why?_ He did a series of gestures that I found incomprehensible. Was this **the gesture equivalent of his nervous babble?**

Oh spirits -it was!

His nervous babble gesturing was interrupted by Toph, who called out that she_ knew_ we were both there, with some irritation. Zuko froze mid gesture and made the most adorable sheepish face here. There didn't seem to be any point in pretending we weren't here now. I called over the wall that we just wanted to talk to her. Toph didn't want to talk to us. Zuko and I glanced at each other and quickly reached a mutual understanding. We both started trying to climb over the high wall. Toph muttered _oh for fuck's sake,_ bent a small gap in the wall and said _why don't you just come in then _sarcastically. Zuko and I obliged.

Zuko pointed out, as he was squeezing through the gap, that Toph shouldn't be so sarcastic about inviting us in, because it was _technically his palace. _He said that _he should be the one inviting __**her**__ in to places sarcastically._ He quickly amended this statement and said that he wouldn't _invite her sarcastically_ and he hadn't meant it like that and she knew she was always welcome and….Toph cut him off here said _she got it._ Zuko and I wandered over to her and she sat down and crossed her arms and said that she _didn't want to talk about it _firmly.

Zuko said that she didn't have to talk – but she could listen. He said that Toph knew she was always welcome here. He made her a promise. They'd already talked about it_._ He'd thought it was all settled. Toph should know that she could always stay with him. Zuko was sure that between him, Toph and his Uncle, they'd be able to sort something out. She wouldn't have to go home if she didn't want to.

At this Toph sniffed loudly and said that was the whole point. How could she ever go home now… even if she wanted to? She couldn't go back there now. But she had been half entertaining the idea that it might be…maybe…possibly…a _little nice _to see her parents again and maybe if things went well, she could go back to Gaoling and visit them. But now she couldn't ever imagine going back there. When she thought of Gaoling, it didn't even _feel _like home now. She felt like she didn't even really have a home now.

Oh.

I often forget that Toph misses her parents. She talks about them so rarely. Her parents and her home were all tied up together in her mind and now she was starting to feel like she didn't belong there anymore.

There is nothing quite as alienating as feeling that you don't belong in your home. I told her this and that I felt the same about my tribe and the South Pole actually (Zuko was looking at me **intently **as I said this). I knew what she meant. The South Pole didn't even _feel_ like home now – and I imagine that if Gran Gran had sent me the sort of letter that Toph's father had sent her, I would be equally dismayed. Zuko and Toph both listened to me and agreed.

Zuko piped up that he understood what we meant. But he said that he thought that feeling like you didn't belong at home might be something that happens to everybody. Maybe it was just part of growing up. Everyone reaches that point in their lives when they feel that the house they grew up in wasn't their home anymore.

When he first came back to the firenation – he'd realized that the home he was homesick for was a place that didn't actually exist. It wasn't as simple as just coming home and having everything like it was before because after he had been to so many places and done so many things – nothing could be like it was before. All of a sudden his whole idea of home was **just gone**. Even though he was firelord now, and actually living in the house he'd grown up in, that feeling of belonging that he had when he lived there as a kid…that wasn't ever coming back.

This conversation was getting a fairly deep and more than a little saddening. I didn't want any of us to feel that we'd never get that **home feeling** back again. That feeling that you have as a kid – a feeling of safety and belonging – surely something like that couldn't just disappear forever. Sometimes I caught glimpses of it, when the six of us were on Ember Island together.

I said that I thought that maybe losing your feeling of home with regards to your childhood home, was **a right of passage.** Zuko was right, maybe it was just part of growing up. But I was sure we would get to feel that feeling again. One day. But next time it would be when we were creating our own idea of home. I was sure we would feel it when we made a new home for ourselves, with a new family.

Zuko gave Toph a poke here and asked her what she said to that. Would she like to stay here and try make a new idea of home, with him and his Uncle. Toph said _no _and he looked rather dejected. She said that she knew he was just asking because he felt sorry for her. Zuko instantly said that he wasn't. He was asking because he liked having her around and…because he _needed_ her. Toph brightened and said _really?_

Zuko nodded and said _really and truly. _Who else aside from Toph would be able to tell him who was telling him the truth and who was lying? And who else could beat up 20 imperial firebenders in under 20 seconds? Who else was going to help him keep his Uncle out of trouble. He said that if Toph really thought about it, she'd see that he was asking her for **entirely selfish reasons** and she'd be doing him a **huge favour** be even considering staying.

Toph smiled deeply when he said all that. I was filled with such pride for Zuko right then. I don't know why. I mean everything he said was true after all. But I also knew deep down that there was nothing selfish in his offer. He knew how hard it would be for Toph to accept anything that even looked faintly like pity– so he'd framed everything in terms of her usefulness and badassery, so she could feel like she was _deigning _to stay with him, rather than imposing on him.

Toph seemed convinced at least. She said she'd consider it – which was pretty much a **yes,** from the way she said it. But then she asked _what about my parents?_ quickly. She said that they had seemed very set on having her back in Gaoling in their letter. Zuko said that he was sure Uncle could meet with her parents during the peace talks. Her Dad was a merchant – his Uncle was a great negotiator, he was sure they'd sort something out. Toph said it wasn't her dad she was worried about – it would be her mum. Her mum would have the hardest time letting her go. Zuko shrugged and said that Uncle had amazing powers of convincing the ladies. He could make any lady _go fluffy._

_**Go fluffy?**_ Toph and I exclaimed in unison.

Zuko backpedalled and said _it was just what his Uncle called it_. I asked what a lady _going fluffy_ would look like, in his expert opinion? Zuko looked aghast and said he wasn't going to describe it – besides I would _know_ it when I saw it. Toph cleared her throat loudly and Zuko added _errr you'll know it when you feel it._

Toph looked about and asked where Uncle was anyway, in a casual tone of voice. Zuko said that he was on a date. Toph crossed her arms and _said who with?_ Zuko said _the repulsive twins _and looked faintly disgusted_._ Toph knew who he was talking about and screwed up her face and said _eeewww._ Zuko said _I know right._ He added that Uncle's date with the repulsive twins was a prefect example of just why Zuko needed Toph's help keeping his Uncle out of trouble. Uncle could do so much better.

A very cheeky grin stretched across Toph's face and she said _speaking of people who could do better…_ this was obviously referring to a conversation they had earlier today when I was at work. Zuko instant recognized where she was going with this and made a disgruntled noise and huffed _oh not this again._ He got to his feet and we all joined him. While we walked out, Toph started explaining that she and Uncle had been _just saying…_Zuko said that he knew what they were _just saying _and very quickly grabbed her and started giving her a noogie. Toph struggled and called him a _big bully_ – but she was smiling widely, like she really enjoyed being noogied. Or maybe she just enjoyed being treated like a bratty kid sister.

-o-

Everyone else had turned up back at house by the time Toph and Zuko and I returned. They all rejoiced at seeing her. She seemed oddly touched that Sokka had been hopping all round the city looking for her. She announced regally, that because Zuko was so hopeless – she had elected to stay in the firenation so she could prevent him from doing himself an injury.

Uncle came back. His cheeks were covered in lipstick kisses – but he hadn't noticed yet. He was whistling to himself and seemed incredibly pleased. Zuko seemed incredibly displeased. Uncle asked him why Zuko was making _that face_ at him. Zuko suggested that he might want to look in the mirror. Uncle looked, and shrugged and said _it was twins Zuko _in his defense. Sokka agreed that the twin-ness of the escapade was a _very salient point _(Sokka had been smacked upside the head by Suki for this)_._

Zuko made a face at Sokka and muttered _don't encourage him._ Sokka made a cheeky comment about how Zuko was the one we should be discouraging from shenanigans with twins – given _his documented love of threesomes._ Zuko made a frustrated noise and said that as soon as Sokka's cast came off, he was going to kick his arse for that. Sokka said nevermind waiting until the cast came off, he could go now. He poked Zuko with one of his crutches. Zuko picked up the other crutch and poked him back. A small poking battle ensued.

_Boys!_

-o-

Gloomy came by a short time later to kill the fun. I think she was pissed off. With her, it is hard to tell. Zuko was meant to be having dinner with her tonight and he had clean forgot. He was now very very late. Zuko looked a bit horrified at forgetting and started to apologize but she waved off his apologies and said _just get you coat,_ sound bored.

He raced off to get it. There was a small awkward pause with Gloomy just standing there. None of us knew just quite what to say to her. Uncle stepped forward and introduced himself again and said that he very much regretted that they hadn't had a chance to meet properly the other day. His face was thankfully clean of lipstick now (Lenka had brought him a hot towel pretty quickly) and he was being friendly – so I couldn't understand why Gloomy was so abrupt with him. Maybe she is just this abrupt with everyone?

She said she knew who he was – he didn't need to keep introducing himself. Iroh seemed a bit taken aback. There was an awkward silence. Iroh seemed to believe that he could alleviate the awkwardness with more introductions. He asked if Gloomy had properly met all of us and gestured around. Gloomy just nodded in response, but Iroh seemed to be unable to fathom what she meant by her wordless nod and proceeded with introductions anyway. Suki was sitting closest to him and he gestured at her and said _this charming woman is Suki, she is a Kyoshi warrior and a wonderful musician. _Suki, bless her, stood briefly and bowed at Gloomy. Gloomy said (a little impatiently) that she knew who everyone was.

Awkward silence again.

-o-

So I really don't like that Gloomy Hairbuns.

Uncle Iroh doesn't like her either.

I can tell.

I was lying in bed, But I could hear Toph and Uncle chatting in the lounge room. Uncle was waiting up for Zuko – and Toph was keeping him company. They'd talked a bit about the old foster system that used to exist between noble families in the earth kingdom and the firenation. It operated on the belief that children learned more from experiencing other cultures (as long as they experienced those other cultures from the finery of a very wealthy household). It was meant to open up more opportunities for children. Iroh said that as they were the royal family, they could open up endless possibilities for Toph – hopefully her parents would be amenable to the idea. Toph said wryly that as long as Iroh could wangle it, so that it sounded like one of these opportunities would be an "advantageous marriage" – her mother would be happy. The way she said _advantageous marriage_ was just dripping with sarcasm.

Iroh said that he was sure a girl with all of Toph's wonderful talents and qualities would never have to worry about that – she would beating them off with a stick when she got a little older. Toph said that she actually planned to be like Iroh. When she was older, she was going to come home from _inappropriate afternoons with twins_ constantly – just to annoy Zuko. Iroh threw his head back and laughed a big belly laugh.

When his mirth had subsided, he said seriously, that he was very glad she was staying. He would need help with Zuko more than ever – because Zuko had a tendency to flirt with disaster. Toph said sagely, that Uncle shouldn't worry so much about Zuko. He was a good kid. She said this like she was eighty years old and knitting jumpers for him (rather than someone who is in fact four years younger than Zuko and should not be describing him as a kid.) She added that she would prefer him _flirting with disaster_ than _going out with friggin Gloomy Hairbuns._ Iroh did not refute this at first.

There was a pause and then Toph huffed _what is he even __**doing **__with that annoying girl?_ Iroh admonished her gently and said that they should not dismiss Miss Mai in such an offhand manner. He said that she **must** have _many great qualities_ and maybe it just takes a little while for those qualities to become apparent. Toph asked if he really believed that – and Iroh said he did. Toph called him a _liar_ affectionately.

Toph said that she still stood by her original point this morning– the only thing Zuko and Gloomy had in common was_ sarcasm_ and a _love of fireflakes._ If that was all Zuko wanted in a relationship – _he should just date Sokka._ Uncle didn't contest that Zuko should just date Sokka (I think Suki would have something to say about that.) Instead he said _their children would be __**very**__ obsessed with swords. _Toph laughed with Iroh and I fell asleep listening to the sound of them chuckling together and taking the piss out of Sokka and Zuko's imaginary children.

I remembered thinking that Toph might have found a home for herself after all… or at least an idea of home. She just seemed to _fit_ here. You would never know to listen to her – how fraught her day had been.

-o-

I'm a bit of a light sleeper approaching the full moon. It was the middle of the night and I heard clattering about the kitchen. I wasn't going to fall back to sleep – so I got up to investigate. It was Zuko. He was very apologetic and felt really bad for waking me. I got a bit cross because he was meant to be getting eight hours sleep, not banging about the kitchen in the early morning. Zuko said that he couldn't sleep but he was making a chamomile tea to try and help with that. I said he may as well make me one then and tell me what was bothering him. I could tell something was bothering him.

Zuko shrugged and said _nothing._ But then his face quickly changed and he said _fine, everything._ He handed me a tea and sat on the counter. I sat next to him too. I said he could tell me. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. Zuko said that he'd had another fight with Mai and he'd just had some bad news…then he looked down at me and shrugged again and said _but you don't want to hear about this_ as if he was dismissing whatever the problem was that was keeping him up at night.

Au contraire – I love hearing that there are relationship woes between Zuko and Gloomy. But even if I didn't, I could see that he needed to get something off his chest. I told him he really could just tell me. I was awake. He was awake. He may as well share whatever was keeping him awake.

Eventually he fessed up. He said it has just started out as another stupid argument. He and Gloomy had argued about Azula again. Azula had asked after Mai non-stop today and Zuko didn't know what to tell her. Mai was still adamant about never going to see her. Then they had argued about Toph and Iroh potentially fostering her. Gloomy was annoyed that Zuko had made a big decision without even consulting her. Zuko said that he didn't consult her because it didn't have anything to do with her.

Then Gloomy said that he should think about how it _would look_ to everyone and Toph wasn't just some stray he could take home. Zuko had announced that he didn't give a rat's arse how things looked and if the nobles didn't like it – they could suck it. Gloomy then informed him that he would have to start caring because trouble was a-brewing for him. Some select few nobles were already calling him Firelord Mudlover – if his Uncle adopted an earthbender, it would only look worse for Zuko.

Mudlover is apparently a very derogatory term for soliders who consorted with earthkingdom folk, or wanted to be lenient on the villages they patrolled or for anyone who showed the slightest bit of sympathy for the Earth Kingdom.

Gloomy had dropped a big bombshell on Zuko. She said that she hadn't wanted to tell him in a fight – but he needed to know. And since she told him whatever she told him, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. Gloomy had been listening at home and she had heard some things. Her father was a well know Ozai-supporter… before he got thrown in prison that is. (Wow, wont that make family dinners with Gloomy's family as awkward as all hell?)

Some of the nobles were very unhappy with the prospect of peace – they had made so much money from the war after all. Some of the Generals were very worried about the prospect of getting charged with war crimes. Some of them just plain old thought Zuko was incompetent. These nobles were planning something – with Ozai. Gloomy wasn't sure how but one of them was in contact with Ozai. And she wasn't sure what they would do – but she knew they were going to _**do something! **_Firenation people _don't roll over_ and _take it_ and Zuko was stepping on _a lot of toes._

She said that she had overheard one of the nobles say that **there wasn't anything at all in firenation law that dictated that a non-bender couldn't be firelord**. It was tradition – yes a very long and much beloved tradition - but traditions could and did change, when needs must. Why should Ozai be disqualified from the crown when nearly every other leader in the world was a non-bender. Just look at the earth kingdom. Bumi was the only bending ruler and he was **mad.** Gloomy apparently pointed out the irony that Zuko had annoyed these "Patriotic" men (and they were all men – Gloomy didn't know who many of them were aside from that) so much that they were now considering abandoning centuries old firenation traditions and singing the praises of the way the earth kingdom did it.

What it came down to was that Ozai was trying to reclaim his throne through political means now. And he had a real shot. No other firelord in history had reigned while the preceeding firelord still lived. The previous firelord always had to die for succession to be completely legitimate. The fact that Ozai didn't have his bending, did not make him an incompetent firelord in the eyes of some of these nobles. Ozai was _still alive,_ and a case could be argued that he was still the rightful firelord and Zuko was an illegitimate leader.

Shit!

Zuko said that he told his Uncle as soon as he got home, and his Uncle had a few ideas, but told him that they couldn't do anything until the morning and he should try and get some sleep (because he was going to need it – tomorrow was going to be **nuts**). But he hadn't been able to sleep since. I don't wonder at that! I didn't think I'd be able to sleep now either.

I asked why now? Why did Ozai's suppporters not challenge succession before Zuko got coronated. Zuko said that he thought that it was to try and **destabilize the whole government** _right before the peace talks._ Acting now would cause more damage to the peace process and Zuko and his Uncle only had a few days before we were all scheduled to leave for Ba Sing Se – and they couldn't delay again. If Zuko and his Uncle couldn't think of a solution in time – then the whole peace process could be fucked. **We would all be fucked.** I didn't even admonish him for swearing because **fucked** pretty much summarized our position right now.

Zuko swilled his tea and muttered bitterly _bloody Aang thought he was so bloody clever. He thought he could just take my Dad's bending and that would be the end of that._ Zuko gripped his cup and then slammed it down. I didn't know what to say to that. I normally always defend Aang – but I had never agreed with his decision to let Firelord Ozai live. Now that decision was going to cause enormous problems for Zuko. I couldn't find it in me to disagree that Aang wasn't to blame. There is no use crying over spilled tea, but I found myself wishing fervently that Aang could have killed Ozai when he had the chance.

Okay, when I asked Zuko what was bothering him – I had been expecting that he and Gloomy had a small fight and I would be supportive and nice about it. Then he would see that Gloomy is all wrong for him and decide to dump her and run off into the sunset with me (metaphorically). I had not been expecting this **huge giant worrying thing!**

This was a big problem!

I asked him what would happen if the nobles were successful. Zuko said bitterly that we would all have to pack our bags a lot quicker and _re-embrace life on the run._ Then he made a frustrated like noise and ran his through his hair. He said _I really hate this_ and balled his fist, with frustrated fire coming from the knuckles.

Zuko had a small angry rant then. He said that he just wanted **one day that didn't turn to shit**. And being the firelord sucked for him, but even though it sucked, he didn't want some small-minded, stupid, sycophantic, ridiculous, cruel, spiteful, bitter, greedy nobles and his evil dad to take it from him. And Toph had just accepted this place as her home and tomorrow he would have to tell her not to get too settled and cosy because we could all be on the run again in a very short amount of time. And if his dad was successful, then everyone who had supported Zuko would be in danger and he felt responsible for them and every thing was a mess and it just **wasn't fair!**

I agreed. **It wasn't fair**. This really sucked monkey balls. I let him rant it off – because I thought he needed it. Perhaps he needed more than just a rant in the kitchen. I thought he needed to let off some steam more than he needed some tea at any rate. So even though it was the middle of the night and I had been harping on at him about getting enough sleep earlier today – at this point I took his hand and told him to come with me. He was a bit confused but complied.

I took him outside and walked all the way to the Azira gardens. When we got there, I struck a bending pose. He asked me what I was doing. I said that I thought he needed to let of some steam. We could spar like we used to. That had always helped me. I was always in a better frame of mind after sparring with Zuko. We could spar – and then he might feel better. He would at least be able to burn off some of this angry energy – and I was so badass that I could exhausted him easily and then he could sleep. Zuko grinned at me and then struck a bending pose for himself. He said tauntingly that for all I knew, he would be the one to exhaust me! He was also badass after all. He was way more badass than me. We fell into our familiar pattern of teasing each other before a spar and it felt comfortable and familiar and _right _to be doing this. I pulled some of the water out of the turtleduck pond (sorry ducks) and struck. And it was on!

We hadn't done this in ages and I hadn't realized how much I missed sparring with him until we started. It was just so exhilarating and fun. We hadn't really sparred since back on ember island. I had been a bit worried about his lightning wound, and tried going easy on him at the start – but he seemed determined of overcome it and firebent at me relentlessly – just the way he used to. We were pretty evenly matched and the fight lasted for ages.

The only indication that he had been injured was that he tired out much quicker than he used to (and this obviously frustrated him.) I tried to make light of it and teased him about how of course I would be the one to exhaust him. I was the more badass of the two of us. Then I flopped next to him on the grass and pointed out that it was the middle of the night and close to the full moon. I did rise with the moon after all. He smiled at me then. I asked if he felt better and he nodded. He thanked me and then said _we haven't done that in ages – I didn't know how much I needed that._

My thoughts exactly.

We walked home together. I said all the encouraging things. There would be a solution to this problem and we would find it, just like we had found a solution to all the other problems we had come up against. I was sure we could all figure out something together. I said that everything worked out alright in the end – things weren't alright at the moment, but it wasn't then end. Not even close.

-o-

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* * *

The rambles.

Lovely wonderful readers – thanks so much for all your wonderful comments on the last chapter – all your reviews are wonderful and have warmed the cockles of my heart! Bless your cotton socks! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's a little shorter – but I will compensate for that next chapter (which will be a doozy). YMMV on everything!

So this chapter dealt mostly with Toph and her parents and – because this dropped plot point **plagues my brain.** Toph grows up a little more in this chapter and finally says goodbye to her previously held idea of home. The whole losing your idea of home = right of passage thing was inspired by the movie _Garden State_ (which I recommend). In some ways I think it is very true and it is something that everyone goes through. I do think it is part of growing up. You have to lose your first idea of home before you can move on and make a new home for yourself.

This feeling of separation from the home is something that all the Gaang are experiencing to some degree – post war. Katara felt completely out of place and undervalued by her tribe and doesn't really want to go back south. So did Sokka, to some level. The constant teasing about Suki did get to him. Suki had never left Kyoshi before the war and now she has had so many adventures and had realized how much she can do – that going home is no longer simple for her anymore.

Toph confesses in _the runaway_ that she does really miss her parents and her home. But it's never brought up again after that episode. Realistically, Toph is twelve. I think she turns thirteen in the spring as that is the season when all the strongest earthbenders are born. Ooh airbenders are meant to all be born in autumn. The fabulous Kimberly T *waves at Kimberly T* asked if Aang would be thirteen soon. I think the airnomads would not have had a birthday so to speak, but they would have had a day that they celebrated birth in autumn. It would have been part of the east wind festival. So I guess that would be the best way of calculating Aang's age. That will occur when the Gaang is in Ba Sing Se.

Anyway Toph is twelve, and she is so cool that it is easy to lose sight of the fact that she still is quite young. Her parents would/should, legally at least, still have some say in her upbringing. Also I do think that Toph would want to see them again – and until she got the letter from her father, she might have been entertaining ideas that they would accept her and she could go back and visit them.

What Toph is mourning and upset about is not her father trying to impose restrictions upon her and demand that she come home. It is the loss of the idea of home that she had, that her parents can accept her one day and that she could go back if she wanted to. Now the potential for going back has been closed for her. Toph is also a badass –even if her parents did succeed in dragging her back home, I don't think she would stay put in that life.

She realizes with this final letter that she and her parents really do not see eye-to-eye. They want back the Toph that they lost - the Toph that she was pretending to be during the day, the mild mannered, well behaved, helpless girl. But that just isn't Toph. One thing Toph's journey has cemented for her is that she should own who she is. She couldn't go back to just pretending to be helpless, even if she wanted to. She has realized her own power and has gained identity, self esteem and self assurance from her bending. She won't give that up, not even for her mother. I do think that Toph and her mother had a very complicated relationship and the fact that her mother is too upset to even write to her will eat away at Toph. However, Toph is now able to mentally sever ties with "the nest". She is now ready to completely make her own identity.

Toph's father's letter is not meant to make him out to be a bad person. He is voicing concerns from his own context and experience. I think that what really struck out for me with Toph's dad is that even though he had just seen her beat up about ten earth rumblers – he was much more appalled at how "un-lady-like " she was being. I think being lady-like was a big part of Toph's life (see her derision about learning fancy-schmanzy manners in Ba Sing Se.) Also there are no other female earthbenders aside from Toph in the series (there are many theories at to why, including footbinding and gender expectations etc). anyway it is a very blunt and forceful form of martial arts and I could see how it could be seen as "masculine." In many contexts, women having "masculine" hobbies is looked down upon.

The Earth Kingdom nobility seem to prize absolute femininity in their womenfolk. Because for a long time – Toph acted the role of the ultra-feminine dutiful daughter, her parents have planned a life for her along that path. Specifically, they wanted her to make a "good" match. News of Toph's prowess with earthbending would fill them with horror, not pride – because it would materially damage her chances at making a good match. Anyway Toph's parents are not bad people – but they are stubborn people, who have a very rigid sense of what is right and wrong for their daughter's life. They cannot adjust to this "new Toph" who runs around trying to save the world, when they are so used to the "old Toph" who wasn't even trusted to blow her own soup.

They do want her back. They do love her. They may express it is suffocating ways – but it is still love. Also what Toph sees as them stifling her – they see as protecting her.

Toph parents are very wealthy and powerful members of the earth kingdom nobility. They can provide well for their daughter and they would have a very legitimate claim in trying to force Toph to come back home with them. Katara is right that she and Sokka, or Suki for that matter, would have little sway over convincing her parents to let Toph stay with them. Why should Toph's parents listen to them about what's best for Toph, when they don't even listen to Toph in this matter?

Aang is right out at the moment because he is less mature than Toph. He still needs someone to take care of him. Aang's offer that he and Toph can just continue to nomad-around at this stage in their lives is very sweet – but would not be successful in the long run. I think that Toph recognizes more than Aang, how much of a mother role Katara plays in their lives. If it were just her and Aang flying around – that motherly role would fall to her. That is why Toph snorts at his offer.

When all is said and done, Zuko and Iroh are her best bet, because they stand the best chance of convincing Toph's parents that they can provide and stable and refined home for Toph. I think that Toph's father must be a very astute businessman to be as rich as he is. He would recognize the value in having good connections with the firenation royal family – especially as a new world order is emerging (and Toph's father seems to have teh final say in Toph's family). Iroh is diplomatic and persuasive and would be able to come up with a solution that would be acceptable to everyone – but allow for Toph to continue staying with them.

Aside from practicalities like dealing with her parents – Toph fits in well with Iroh and Zuko. I think that the three of them had just been expecting that she would stay – but there hadn't been much discussion about the subject. Zuko would have told Uncle that he promised Toph that she could always stay with them pretty early on – and Uncle would have just assumed that she would. Iroh has already been treating her like a substitute daughter since. Her parent's letter pushes them into making it all official.

So Iroh will try to talk to her parents in Ba Sing Se and adopt her as his 'ward.' In my imagination, the old firenation/earthkingdom foster system would be very similar to the medieval foster system. Anyway Toph and her parents will still have issues to sort out in Ba Sing Se – but for now, Toph has very much chosen her 'team' so to speak.

Anyway I think that Toph and Zuko had a very cute little friendship in the show and I think that they'd have great sibling chemistry. She has already taken to acting like his bratty younger sister with gusto (she is going to tease him about Mai hardcore). One big similarity between Toph and Zuko is how prideful they both are. They are both super reluctant to ask for help or to be seen as weak. I think that this is just something the _get _about each other. Zuko knows how much Toph would hate to feel like the others were pitying her – because he hates that himself. He knew that they best way of convincing Toph to let them help her was to make her feel like she was well and truly needed and was doing them a favour. Toph would know that he was doing this – but she wouldn't comment on it. It would just sort of be an unspoken understanding.

The other thing that happens in this chapter is that I introduce what I think would be the most logical consequence of Aang's decision to let Ozai live. succession drama - oh noes!

So Mai would have overheard her father's plot and warned Zuko as best she could. That is why she is so uncommunicative when she comes around to see him. It is partly because he forgot their date, but also because she is really really worried. She doesn't have time for small talk. However, this would have come off as really unfriendly to everyone else.

Mai's awkwardness with everyone (that comes off as aloof rudeness) is because I really think she would have a hard time intergrating with the Gaang. She's not out-going or friendly. One of the things that struck me in that finale tea-scene in Ba Sing Se, was how little Mai seemed to _fit_ there. She just seemed like the odd one out in the group. It's not anyone's fault, but it made me feel sorry for her all the same. I think that she would be on a very very different wavelength to the Gaang.

She would have planned to tell Zuko her big news in a calm environment (because she knows he is going to _freak out_). But alas, it all comes out in a fight – despite her best intentions. So I have said previously that I think that her parents would have been Ozai supporters out of political expedience. But I do think that they were true believers on some level. Because of her father's previous lofty position in Ozai's government (You don't hold the position of governor of _New Ozai_ for nothing) – other nobles who are disgruntled with Zuko's reign would come to him – to feel him out. Her Dad being a shrewd politician would hear them out and see if there is something in their plan for him. He wasn't counting on Mai overhearing and warning Zuko.

Mai picks Zuko over her Father here by warning him. She doesn't do this with any grand political purpose or vision (I actually see Mai as apolitical and not having much of an opinion either way). She doesn't necessarily agree with Zuko on most of his policies. (Zuko wants to fill the world with peace and kindness people and I just don't think Mai's _into that_.)

Zuko and Mai disagree on a lot of things. Once again neither is wrong. Mai does have a point that welcoming an elite earthbender into the Royal Family will look bad for Zuko with certain members of the nobility and these same members are planning a coup and could use this as against him. She thought he was wrong for joining the avatar in _boiling rock_, she thinks he's wrong for opening his house to Toph, and wrong for visiting Azula, however when push comes to shove –she will support him as a person even though she doesn't support his policies/what he stands for. Her giving him early warning of what his dad is up to will be instrumental in helping him deal with this crisis.

So, Ozai is going to be a problem. Think of the way he so angrily and bitterly said _I'm still alive_ – at the end of Sozin's comet. That is not a man who would be content to languish in prison. Trying to have Zuko assassinated didn't work – so now Ozai is opting for the political route. Aang decision to leave Ozai alive is going to cause a big fat mess for Zuko and force Aang to own up to the fact that his decisions do not only affect him. They affect the whole world.

So I always thought Aang's little energybending trick was just a little too neat and easy for him. Deus-ex-lionturtle aside – at the end of the series Aang was pretty much given a **get out of your responsibilities free pass**. Every single adult, every single one of Aang's friends, told Aang that this was his duty. I think Avatar Yangchen said it best when she told Aang that this wasn't about him – it was the fate of the whole world. And yet…when the time came Aang **chose himself** and his beliefs over the whole world.

Aang didn't let Ozai live because it was the best thing for balance in the universe. He let Ozai live for himself. Aang puts himself first here. but this is actually part of a pattern with Aang. This pattern was never addressed in the show. this makes me a sad panda.

Aang put himself and his desire for Katara first in _the Guru,_ and then he put himself and his desire to strictly adhere to a **very select few** Airnomad teachings in _Sozin's Comet._ Both these choices are fundamentally selfish in nature. I'm not trying to hate on Aang here. He's still a kid and a certain level of self involvement is to be expected. While I'm not trying to hate on him, I certainly don't think that these choices should be treated like they are **good choices.** Ignoring the very well meant and wise advice of every single person around you just because they are saying something you don't like is not something that I think should be applauded.

When Aang makes a selfish choices, it is going to negatively impact upon other people. These choices would have very serious consequences, which Aang needs to face to grow as a character. Aang ight have got a **get out of your responsibilities free** card from Bryke, but he wont get one from me.

This problem with Ozai is occurring because of Aang's choice to leave Ozai alive – but without his bending. But it was never bending that made Ozai so dangerous in the first place. It was his connections and the way he thinks and the way he goes about things. His ruthlessness and cruelty would have been better things to strip him of – but Aang left him with those. Oops.

Succession always happens after the death of the previous monarch. I think this situation with Zuko ruling, but Ozai sitting in prison (a prison which he is kept in only on Zuko's say-so) is highly unusual. if Ozai had willingly abdicated in favour of Zuko - it would be different. But Ozai would want his throne and his power back and it seems like it is only the fact that he is a non-bender that keeps him from ruling. he was allowed to rule when he was clearly a psychopath after all.

How does bending disqualify Ozai from the throne? How **binding **is that firenation custom. If it is just a very strong tradition, but not enshrined in law, I can see **problems **ahead. Really the only thing that keeps Ozai from being firelord is a custom – and that is a pretty flimsy thing, especially considering every single other global leader is a non-bender (aside from Bumi, who is madder than a hatter). I am willing to bet that people dissatisfied with Zuko's reign would get over that custom pretty quickly.

Especially because Zuko would be causing so much change and change always freaks people out. It is a gut reaction to long for the way that things used to be. When Ozai was in charge, life was scarier, but simple. The firenation was a "glorious" nation that went around "enlightening" the ill-educated native populace of the other nations. Under Zuko, they are now "the bad guys" and have to work at "restoring their honour."

Next chapter Zuko will have to act decisively and properly accept the role of firelord. Aang will have to face a few hard truths and there will be drama!

Til then lovely readers…..


	10. Rarely Pure and Never Simple

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Rarely pure and never simple

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There was much ado this morning over what to do about Ozai and the possible coup. It appeared that Iroh had not been asleep at all last night – but had been working with the White Lotus members who live in the Caldera. He was very vague about last night's activities – but he is always vague about the White Lotus with us, because none of us are official members.

We were in the big dining room in the house. Books and lists and odd bits of paper where everywhere. There was a veritable flock of hawks perched on the window sill. Piandao and Lady Za Jei were both writing frantically and sending off hawks. Other Hawks returned and Jee quickly read over their contents – and made a few marks on this long list. Hawky gave these, more occupied birds, the stink eye from Sokka's shoulder (where he perched proudly). Iroh had included all of us in the meeting – as what was happening was going to affect us all. It seemed to have the greatest affect on Aang, who after having the situation explained to him, had reverted to a stage of simmering panic. His panic was not very helpful. He was airbending absentmindedly and sending papers everywhere. I sat him down and tried to keep him calm.

All of Zuko's advisors were there (and had been there since before sunrise). They were arguing about what was best thing to do. Many firenation texts had been scanned with a fine tooth comb and a dire conclusion had been reached. All previous firelords and ladies had been benders – but this was tradition and not law. More worrying was the fact that Ozai had not officially abdicated, according to the firenation custom and law. An abdication ceremony was a big deal. Ozai had never actually relinquished his control over the firenation, he had never signed the abdication documents and he had never renounced his claim to the throne. He merely decided that he wanted to ascend to a high level of office. Granted this office was **completely imaginary** – however this mattered little in the firenation.

So it turns out that the firenation has a history of crazy rulers. There has been an odd assortment of monarchs who were completely **off their gourd.** Firelady Peizho was, in fact, so barmy that she only talked to pineapples. (She actually made every firenation noble carry a pineapple – so that when she wanted to address them, she could talk to their fruit instead of their faces). She was affectionately called Potty Pei-Pei by the populace. Sokka has made a few choice comments about royal families and the _obvious results of inbreeding._ These comments were largely unappreciated by Iroh and Zuko (Though Jee did hide a snigger). I reminded Sokka that there is** a time and a place. ** A succession crisis is neither the time nor the place for Sokka's wit.

Being a psychotic nutbag and a non-bender did not automatically render Ozai unfit for the throne. Because he had never officially abdicated, and was only in jail on Zuko's say so, there was now BIG PROBLEM. Aang was most anxious because he thought that taking away Ozai's bending would be sufficient. He got a bit defensive because everyone in the room was criticizing his choice. Most statements were, after all, prefaced with something like_ if only that psychotic despot had died in the final battle! _After Jee said something like that for the eight time, Aang (unwisely piped up) that everyone had to stop saying things like that. He'd made a choice and he was still sure it was the right choice and though he wished that this wasn't happening….at this point Lady Za Jei cut him off. Lady Za Jei was Zuko and Azula's old firebending teacher – but now she was the Chief of Guards in the caldera area. She was one of the most intimidating people I have ever met.

Lady Za Jei soundly chastised Aang. Out of all of Zuko's advisors, Lady Za Jei seemed the most impatient with Aang. She snapped listen _Avatar, I don't know if anyone in the land of fairy floss, fruit pies and rainbows ever told you, but this is the __**real world.**__ Here you cannot just __**wish **__away your problems._ Lady Za Jei said that if he could not contribute anything helpful, she suggested he hold his tongue. Though the way she said it meant that it** wasn't really a suggestion.**

I felt bad for Aang. She had been so rude to him. I don't like seeing Aang upset. But then everyone's tempers were a bit frazzled right now and I honestly couldn't disagree with her general sentiment. I disagreed with her mode of delivery – but she did have a point. We didn't really have the time to gently hold Aang's hand and listen to him justify his choice and blather on about lionturtles right now. If that's all he wanted to say – maybe it was better that he kept quiet. I rubbed his shoulder a little bit to comfort him, but said that maybe we should just **listen **to what was going on right now – so we had a better understanding of the situation. Aang still looked very miffed – but he did stay quiet for the next little bit.

Lady Za Jei said that on the upside, she had a very good idea of who the ringleaders were. This had been backed up by the reports that we were getting back. There were nine of them (she listed some names that meant nothing to me). They had been secretly approaching people all yesterday. She did not know how those meetings had gone – but she did know that all these noblemen had held communication with Ozai. If he had a window in his cell, he could receive hawks. (He had a window because Zuko thought it would be too cruel to deprive him of sunlight.)

Lady Za Jei stated flatly that there was a very **obvious solution** that was staring us all in the face. However _unpalatable _it might be to _some _(she shot Aang a vicious look here), it still wasn't too late to arrange **an accident** for Ozai. Accidents happened in firenation prisons all the time…. she trailed off here, but everyone got her meaning. She said that we still had the advantage of surprise. It was still very early in the morning – the ringleaders did not yet know that Zuko knew their plan. Some of them wouldn't even be awake yet. If we were quick and decisive – they would wake without a figurehead to rally behind.

Zuko looked torn for a second. It looked like he was considering the most expedient and bloody option. Aang spoke up in shock and horror. He said that Zuko couldn't just have his own father quietly murdered. **He couldn't.** What about the _sanctity of life? _ Lady Za Jei snorted at that and then said with real anger and indignation _**the sanctity of life!**__ That is __**rich**__ coming from you Avatar – you didn't care so much about the sanctity of life when you…_ Zuko cut her off right here and said that was enough – she'd made her point. Lady Za Jei quelled, but looked a bit unhappy. She looked like she still had **a fair bit of point left to make.** Aang looked just plain mystified.

Zuko walked over to him and said, with a real effort at controlling his voice and not shouting, that it was probably best if Aang left the room now– he shouldn't have included Aang in the first place. This was just too **much** for Aang. Aang got a bit stroppy because he didn't want to be the only one left out. He tried to play – **I'm the Avatar card** as justification for why he should stay and be listened to - but that was it for Zuko's patience. Zuko snapped _yes, you're the Avatar! And if you had __**done your duty**__ in the first place I wouldn't even be in this position and I wouldn't even have to make this choice…._he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down and said in a much more even tone _look Aang, I'm not trying to freeze you out, but we don't have much time right now and if you have nothing to offer us but __**empty sanctimony**__ then you are no help what-so-ever and it would be better if you left so that the adults can get on with handling this. _ It was a blunt and patronizing thing to say – but it was also true.

Aang did what Aang normally does in confronting situations. He ran away. But this time, none of us went after him. It was unusual for me actually. I always go after Aang normally. But I wanted…needed to know what was going on. I wanted to support Zuko. And anyway, we could all be of more use to Zuko right now. And Zuko's crisis of succession was a little bigger that Aang's crisis of Aangness. Right now I think we all knew how much was at stake.

-o-

A quiet accident for Ozai was decided against.

Iroh said the idea had been discussed in his super-secret-white-lotus-meeting last night. All of Iroh's informants said that Zuko was indubitably popular as a firelord **because he was so different from his father**. Zuko had always acted with integrity and honour. Arranging a quiet accident was acting with neither. It was also just the sort of thing that Ozai would do in this situation. If Ozai met with a quiet accident now – Zuko would lose the little faith that the other nobles and politicians had in him **as a person**. A lot of them were sitting on the fence in regards to his leadership skills as he had only been firelord for a few days. However they all considered it a good thing that Zuko seemed like he was _above _the sordid, bloody tactics that Ozai so frequently stooped to. If Zuko had Ozai killed, he would be seen as **no better than his father.**

Jee suggested that instead of a quiet accident – they could speed up the war crimes process and have Ozai justifiably locked up for all his various crimes against the firenation. Piandao said that this would incur the same problem as quietly doing away with him. They hadn't ironed out all the kinks in the war crimes process and if Zuko proceeded without the legitimacy of the law on his side - it would look like he was just _inventing crimes_ to punish people with. This was another thing that Ozai was fond of doing.

Lady Za Jei said that she thought we were looking at this the wrong way by focusing on Ozai. Ozai was currently only as strong as his strongest supporter and weak as their weakest link. She said that we knew for a fact that nine noble men were actively plotting against Zuko. What was stopping us from having the nine of them locked up for treason. The war crimes system might not be perfect – but prosecuting people for treason was a well oiled machine in the firenation. She knew one of the noblemen, (She called him Lord Bumface) was a terrible coward. She estimated that it would only take her five minutes with Bumface before she would get every secret out of him. He would turn on the others to serve his own interests surely as the tide turns when it is time.

Zuko listened intently to her suggestion, but then asked what they would do about all the people who had been approached by the nine – all those people might have conflicting loyalties and arresting the nine could make them into martyrs for the cause. Lady Za Jei said that she thought that they should just deal with one problem at a time – right now their biggest problem was stopping a coup. Arresting the nine would effectively do so.

After a long moment Zuko nodded, he pulled out a piece of parchment that had something written on it, signed it, put his seal on it and handed it to Za Jei. He told her to make it happen – but added that she should come back here after she had gotten all of them in the dungeons and take Toph and Iroh with her for interviewing Bumface. Then they could play good cop, bad cop, and cop who _knows exactly when you're lying. _

Lady Za Jei took the parchment and bowed deeply at Zuko before she abruptly left, with straight posture and a fierce look. She looked like she was made of fierceness, coated in ferocity, with intense filling. She looked like she was ready to **break someone in half.** I don't wonder that Zuko used to say that his firebending teacher before Iroh _drilled him really hard._ I am beginning to think that 'drilled him really hard' is one of Zuko's little euphemisms – in the same manner that he says that his father is _not a nice man _or that Azula is _a little unwell. _

-o-

While Za Jei was off arresting people, there was more discussion about what was to be done about Ozai and the nine after they were arrested. There was a big problem that they would be made into the martyrs for the cause if this was not handled correctly. Iroh said that if they conducted the trials in a fair and open manner then the martyrdom factor should be limited. If they were given fair and open trials, they would seem less like martyrs and more like the opportunistic bastards they were.

Piandao said that according to his sources – very few noblemen and politicians had committed themselves outright to Ozai's return to the throne. Many were probably just hedging their bets. Most of Piandao's contacts said that many nobles actually thought that they would be better off under Zuko than they would be under Ozai. Ozai had ruled with an iron fist – but he had not been beloved or respected. He was feared, most certainly, but fear is not that motivating when Ozai was currently relatively powerless. Piandao estimated that it would only be a small minority of politicians and nobles who would genuinely support Ozai's return – and they would be doing so for selfish reasons (to avoid war crimes charges and/or keep their fortunes). A man fighting for selfish reasons was an easier opponent to defeat. Though these men were powerful, they were not numerous.

Iroh agreed with Piandao. What Zuko had on his side was the endorsement of the firesages, the moral high ground and the fact that he was actually quite popular as a firelord. A great deal of that was just the 'honeymoon' phase, because he was still a new leader. However the lower classes seemed to genuinely admire him – for stopping the war, ending all conscription and speaking out in their defense when he was just a boy. If it came to civil violence – Zuko would have the numbers on his side. Zuko looked a bit horrified at the prospect of civil violence. Iroh quickly said that he thought it would not come to that.

As he said before, the firesages were on Zuko's side. They had agreed to coronate him and in doing so, they had given him their endorsement and support. They would not like to admit fault and lose face – so they would most likely swear black and blue that Zuko was the rightful firelord. Also they were very afraid of Ozai's wrath and would do whatever was necessary to prevent him from resuming the throne.

The head firesage was a white lotus member. He had informed Iroh that, according to his research, there were only two things that would permanently disqualify someone from the throne according to the law - being caught …err_ fraternizing_ with koalasheep (eeew) or committing a grave dishonor. If Zuko could prove that Ozai had committed a grave dishonor, then Ozai would be disqualified from the throne and Zuko would also have _legitimate justification_ to keep him in prison.

Sokka asked what a grave dishonor was. Zuko told him it normally applied to the murder of a Calderian in cold blood. If someone murdered a member of the nobility in cold blood – their entire family would be tarnished for generations. If a firelord murdered someone by their own hand, and it could be proved – it had normally always resulted in that firelord either abdicating (often there was a fair bit of coercion involved in these abdications) or being forcibly removed from office by the next-in-line for the throne. Grave dishonours normally made people angry enough to rise up against the firelord in question – sometimes it even lead to civil wars.

Sokka, ignored the gravity of Zuko's voice when he was worrying about the possibility of civil wars, and said in the distracted voice he uses when he is puzzling out a problem, that _it should be __easy_ – 200 people "disappeared" when his dad was in office after all. Zuko said that didn't mean his dad had done it himself. He had to be able to prove that Ozai had done it _with his own two hands_. Zuko thought his dad might have been **too smart** to do that when he had a squad of imperial firebenders who were happy to do his dirty work for him. Iroh said that Zuko shouldn't be so sure. Ozai was arrogant, and arrogant people always slip up somewhere – and also, Ozai did…._enjoy _that sort of thing. (Oh double eew).

It is not surprising that Ozai -the man who kept "people to kill" lists - would have gotten off on killing, but I found myself fervently wishing that he had just shagged a koalasheep somewhere instead. It sounds like sheepshaggers were much easier to deal with. I also found myself wondering what sort of shenanaigans had prompted the sheep-shagging edict in the first place? Who felt that preclusion of sheepshaggers was so necessary that it got enshrined in law? Also, I think it's a bit funny (funny peculiar - not funny haha) the firenation is okay being ruled by a lady who only talks to pineapples, but sheep-shaggers is where they draw their line in the sand.

-o-

Toph said that she could go and interview the imperial firebenders and see if any of them would talk. If Ozai ever did top anyone himself – those bastards would know. Zuko said that before she did that, he would have a talk to Azula. Azula was an expert of Ozai. She the closest thing his Dad had to someone he actually trusted. If Ozai told anyone anything, he would have told her. Iroh thought this wasn't the best idea, because **Azula is friggin crazy**. But Zuko thought it was still worth asking her. She would definitely _know something_. Iroh said he wasn't disputing that she would _know something,_ he was disputing whether or not she would **want** to help them. Zuko said that he was just going to ask her anyway because it could save us all a lot of time. Iroh made a face. A face that said _fine, don't listen to me – even though I am always right!_ I have a feeling that Iroh is well practiced at making this face.

Then Zuko got a bit delegate-y. He was going to go and see Azula and that was that. Iroh should first arrange for his father to be moved the bottom level of Iron Cove. Then Iroh and Toph should interview the imperial firebenders and see if they could help Za Jei interview the nine when she brought them in. Piandao should try and get some more information about The Nine and their resources. Jee and Sokka should research other options in case Zuko couldn't find proof of a grave dishonour. Suki should go get her best warriors ready and help Za Jei with making the arrests. Zuko asked me to go and tell my Dad and the other watertribe warriors, as well as all the earthbenders still in the Caldera, what was going on – so they had forewarning in case we all needed to pack up and **get out of dodge **quickly. Today could still go badly after all.

-o-

Dad was a bit beside himself when I explained everything to him. Then, quick as a flash, he was getting the others to load up supplies and take them to the airships – just in case. Dad and Sokka have been working on the airships together the past few days. Sokka says that Dad keeps bagging out the firenation design– because he can't bring himself to praise anything from the firenation. But he seems secretly fascinated by all the metal working and engineering and has "borrowed" Sokka's library pass rather frequently. I was actually grateful that Dad had been so occupied – because he didn't notice my absence due to my apprenticeship. I haven't quite got around to telling him about that yet. This was the first proper conversation we'd had in ages. It's a shame it was so dramatic.

Dad came with me to tell the Earthbenders. Haru's dad seemed like their unofficial leader (though there was a fair bit of squabbling when Dad asked who was in charge). The earthbenders were a lot less organized than Dad and my tribe. Dad had to help them all pack up and prepare, just in case.

Dad wanted to help out Zuko if he could, so he came back with me to the main house. We walked back together through the gardens and I saw flash of orange and yellow out of the corner of my eye. It was Aang in the stables with Appa. He had snuggled up to Appa and was clutching his neck and smushing his face against Appa's fur. _Oh Aang._ I told my Dad that I just wanted to go over and check on Aang. Dad asked why Aang was crying with Appa and not helping Zuko. I explained what happened this morning and Zuko asking Aang to leave. Dad nodded and then said that he would come with me to talk to Aang.

We wandered over. Appa made a growly noise in greeting. I patted his face affectionately and he gave me and Dad a lick. I took a quick moment to bend the slobber off us and Dad shot me a grateful look. I then called up at Aang and asked if he was okay. Aang said he was _fine _– in that emotionless tone he'd taken to using in those horrible days when Appa had gone missing, when we were going along serpent's pass and everything had looked so dire.

I climbed up so that I could sit with him on Appa's back – and after a bit of struggling, Dad joined us. (Dad is unaccustomed to climbing on and off Appa and so he let out a few _oofs_ and _aahs_.) Aang curled further in on himself and shifted slightly away from us. I reached out and tried to comfort him and he scooted away even more. He seemed cross and upset and I just wanted to make him feel better even though I didn't know how. It's just habit with me. Aang needs so much encouragement all the time. I didn't think that sitting out here and sulking was the best thing for him right now. I didn't want to leave him feeling sad and excluded.

I guessed Aang was upset about the fact that quietly doing away with Ozai was seriously discussed. He's so touchy about the Ozai subject after all. He's as touchy as Zuko about the Ozai subject and that is **saying something**. So I tried to explain what had happened in the rest of the meeting. I said everything in the kind and soft tone I normally use with Aang when he is upset.

I told him that a quiet accident had been decided against – and that is what Aang would have wanted. I hoped this news would cheer him up. True it was decided against out of political expedience rather than some greater belief in the sanctity of Ozai's life – but the end result was the same. I scooted closer and Aang let me put my arm around his shoulders. After I had finished explaining what had happened, I started trying to cajole Aang inside. Aang said that he was glad that I agreed with him – and if I agreed with him, he could face going inside.

Err…. I did not, at any point, say that I had agreed with him – but Aang had inferred that I did because I had been comforting him. I felt bad for him when he had been excluded from the meeting – but at the same time, I think the fact that he was left out was for the best. I felt a bit awkward and I wasn't sure how to go about explaining this misunderstanding. Aang kept talking and said that he hoped very much that Zuko would _stop being an idiot_ and_ listen_ to Aang… now that Aang had been proven right.

I inhaled sharply. Perhaps it is because I naturally feel defensive over Zuko, but I suddenly felt a wave of anger at Aang. I always want everyone to be happy and to get along – but I couldn't handwave that comment for the sake of Aang's feelings. This was a really intense and stressful day for Zuko and if Aang was going to act smug and superior, it would be much better if he stayed here. I wanted to explain to Aang that he had been **very wrong** with what he did when he ran away and then let Ozai live.

I wanted Aang to understand that he would be better off if he **never **advised Zuko about how he thought Zuko should feel and act towards his father. I understood Zuko better that Aang did. I knew how that terrible relationship with his father ate away at him. I knew how much he reviled and resented his dad…but still couldn't quite bring himself to hate Ozai completely– despite what he told himself. I knew how the spectre of Ozai haunted him and how desperately he was trying to be a better person and a better man than his father could ever hope to be. I knew how impossible he found all the choices he had to make about his father's care, and how he still tried to have Ozai treated fairly despite_ everything_ (that was why he had first been put in a cell with a window after all – Zuko didn't want to be cruel). This situation was a** big fat mess** as it was. The very last thing that Zuko needed right now was for Aang to start banging on about forgiveness in a self-justifying manner. Zuko had been right this morning – that sort of talk was just empty sanctimony. It was of no use to anybody.

I was going to say all that (a fair rant was building up to be honest) but My Dad spoke first and I couldn't get my rant in edgewise. He asked Aang (very abruptly for My Dad) why Aang believed that Zuko should listen to him. It was a simple enough question, but Aang seemed rather thrown by it. He looked at my dad in confusion and then said _well, I __**am **__the avatar._ Dad took a deep breath and then asked Aang what he thought being the Avatar **actually meant.** Aang was dumbfounded for a second. So was I. where was my Dad going with this? Dad filled the silence. _Do you think being the Avatar means you get to feel important all the time, be listened to all the time – even if what you are saying is irrelevant or ill-informed?_

Aang quickly said that wasn't right at all. Being the avatar wasn't just to make him feel important – it meant he had big responsibilities. Dad nodded and listened. He was looking straight at Aang the way he used to look at me when I was six and had been caught doing something naughty – like he saw **right through **him. Dad asked Aang what he thought those responsiblities were. Aang replied **I'm responsible for the whole world!**

Dad agreed with Aang and said that Aang was responsible for the whole world. He then asked Aang how responsible Aang thought he was _really being,_ when he decided to let Ozai live. Aang spouted his usual spiel when this subject is bought up. He had done it for the monks, he had done it for balance, he had done it for the world and because it was the right choice to do. He was sounding a bit miffed and defensive again.

Dad frowned at Aang and said that a key part of being responsible meant being able to **admit when you were at fault. **Aang needed to stop _lying to himself_ and other people. It was clear to my Dad that Aang wasn't thinking about the whole world when he made the choice to let Ozai live. Dad thought that Aang was thinking of himself and his beliefs alone.

Aang said _I have a right to my beliefs!_ He sounded properly angry now. He is always very touchy about even the slightest criticism of the airnomads. Dad said, in his calm, even listen-with-father voice _Yes, yes you do – but you are not the first person who has ever had beliefs. _That simple comment seemed to take the wind right out of Aang's sails. Dad said that Aang could not expect the entire world to adhere to airnomad principles, but more importantly Aang had to stop believing that his actions are always right and that he was infallible.

Aang said in an insistent voice, that he was meant to be a leader in the world. He **had** to be right – because the Avatar had** so much power. **He said this almost like he was pleading with my Dad. Dad said that leaders were not leaders because they were infallible – no one was infallible after all. True leaders listened and learned, and they understood that the price of greatness was responsibility. True leaders knew that their choices affect so many people – so they took those people into account when making the big choices. Aang looked at my Dad intently and then said that _he knew that._

Dad asked if he really did. This question was rhetorical – but Aang tried to answer anyway. However Dad cut him off and said y_our friend Zuko, who is a new and untried leader, now had the very stability of his country threatened because of your choice. If the firenation crumbles, they will take the whole world with them – all because of your choice. _Aang looked very taken aback at having my dad saying something like that so bluntly. I don't think that anyone had ever directly correlated the two things (his choice about Ozai and how it affected everybody) so succinctly for Aang.

Aang was stunned into silence, but Dad wasn't finished. Dad said that instead of taking responsibility for this choice, recognizing fault and helping Zuko, Aang had opted to justify his choice again and then have a sulk because people were not agreeing with him.

Aang said, in a small voice, that he had wanted to help and be a good leader, but Zuko **wouldn't ****let** him be a leader, and **wouldn't listen** to him and asked him to leave. Dad asked, in that same calm voice he had been using the whole time, if Aang had been listening to Zuko? Aang didn't answer, but hung his head sadly. Dad said that this was the **fire**nation and Zuko was the **fire**lord – Aang must learn to listen to Zuko when it came to matters of his own country. Dad would expect no less from Aang if Aang were to have some thoughts about the Southern Watertribe. Aang didn't look up, but nodded faintly.

My dad seemed satisfied that he had got his point across. I was a bit impressed with this – because he had done it without ever raising his voice once or scolding Aang too harshly. But he had also neatly pointed out everything I had wanted to say to Aang (in a much calmer and less shrill manner than I would have gone for) in regards to his conduct today. Dad had been blunt, but not unkind and he had pointed out the realities of Aang's duties as Avatar without resorting to scolding. And Aang had been _listening the whole time!_ When I scolded Aang in the past, I would always try get my key points across in the first minute. After that, Aang's attention would wander. I thought I didn't have much to learn from my Dad anymore – but now I realize I still have a long way to go in the _art of the calm-and-reasonable scolding_.

Unfortunately this scolding seemed a bit wasted on Aang… because he ran away again. Dad had clapped his hands together and said that now that was cleared up – we should all go and see if we could be of any use. Aang agreed and Dad and I climbed down from Appa. As soon as we were both on the ground though, Aang said _yip yip_ and took off. I have told myself that he is running away to **think deeply** about what my Dad said – and not sulk again. I will believe this until proven otherwise.

Dad was a bit put out by this response to his well-thought-out and eloquent scolding. I told him not to take it personally. It was just something that Aang did. Running away was _his thing_ after all. It was this thing that he did. He would come back in due time. Besides, Dad was right. It would be better for us to go and see if we could be of some use to Zuko and Iroh. And perhaps, when push comes to shove – it would be easier if Aang wasn't here for it.

-o-

We got back to the house. Sokka , Piandao and Jee were frantically pouring over documents spread all over the table. Sokka told me that Zuko had come back from visiting Azula, but had then gone off quickly looking for me. I was a bit thrilled to hear that – even though I know now wasn't the time and place for me to be thrilled about boys looking for me. I was about to go off and look for Zuko, but Sokka said he thought it would be better if I waited here – so we wouldn't risk missing each other. And we could help Sokka out with all this research.

Zuko came back not long afterwards. He had gotten stuck at the earthbender house and been **bombarded with questions.** He hadn't been rude enough to _just leave_ when he was asked a direct question – and so he'd been there for _what felt like an eternity_. He was a bit surprised to see my Dad. The usual sir-Hakoda-ing ensued. I think my Dad has kind of gotten used to being called Sir Hakoda now. He always tells Zuko to just call him Hakoda – but if Zuko ever did drop the 'sir' I think Dad would miss it. Dad quickly assured Zuko that he had come to help out. He said that he wanted Zuko to know that the Southern Watertribe was behind him. Zuko smiled in gratitude and thanked my Dad. He then asked if he could talk to me and nodded at the door and I followed.

We stood in the hall. Zuko said he'd been looking for me earlier. He thought I must have gotten caught up in talking at one of the houses. I said I had actually been caught up talking with Aang. Zuko eyes widened and he ran his hands through his hair with worry and then said_ fuck, I forgot all about Aang._ He asked me if Aang was okay. He didn't have _time _for Aang right now – but he still felt bad about kicking him out. I said reassuringly that Aang would keep. He could wait until the immediate crisis had passed.

I asked him what he wanted to talk to me about. We normally talk all the time – but this was not a day for idle chit-chat. If he was asking to talk to me, it was about something important. Zuko told me that he'd seen Azula and she definitely _knew something. _Azula said she knew where their dad kept all his files pertaining to the missing two hundred nobles. She said that she knew Ozai had topped a few of them himself – and she could give Zuko solid proof in those files. If Zuko could find those files, this whole succession crisis would **go away**. He'd be able to prove his dad was a stone-cold-murderer and that would disqualify Ozai permanently from the throne. Azula had pinky-promised that she would tell him where to find them if he brought both myself and Gloomy Hairbuns to see her. I felt a thrill of nervousness at the prospect. But when he asked if I would come, I said _yes_ quickly and without hesitation.

But I was still a bit confused. Why did she want to see me AND Gloomy Hairbuns? Zuko shrugged and said that he honestly had no idea. Azula had been having an..odd day. She seemed really happy and cooperative, which was weird enough in itself. She'd told him that she had taken a _liking _to me. I find that idea somewhat worrying.

-o-

Gloomy was not as keen on the idea (no surprise there). We crept around the back of her house to avoid her parents. Gloomy's bedroom window was on the second story and Zuko flung a few pebbles at it. The curtain fluttered a bit. Then a few minutes later Gloomy was in the garden. Gloomy gave me an odd look and asked what I was doing here. Zuko just said _oh, she's with me _quickly, by way of explanation. Gloomy made a skeptical face, looked me up and down – but didn't say anything else to me. Instead she flipped one of those weird pigtail things over her shoulder and said_ well what is it then? _in a posh voice.

Zuko explained the barest bones of the shenanigans this morning and told her that Azula had promised to tell him vital information if Gloomy would visit her. Gloomy snorted and rolled her eyes and said_ oh if she__** promised**__ it must mean she's serious_ very sarcastically. Zuko looked a bit confused and asked if that was a yes or a no. Gloomy crossed her arms and looked at Zuko like he was stupid. She said of course it was a no – and he knew that before he'd even asked her, so he shouldn't look so disappointed.

He did look disappointed. If I had been Gloomy, I would have **caved **right then and agreed to do anything...well not anything anything...but most things. I couldn't stand to make Zuko look so sad over something so small – especially today of all days. But then again, I guess visiting Azula is not a small thing to Gloomy. Gloomy is very adamant about her refusal to visit her, after all. But still. I am just so used to helping if I can. Seeing someone **just refuse** to help was very jarring for me. Zuko didn't seem to know what to say to that. There was an awkward moment.

Gloomy spoke in a flat tone that I think might have been twinged with self-justification (it is really hard to tell with Gloomy, because her voice rarely changes – but I had heard a great deal of self justification from Aang this morning and Gloomy's voice sounded like her equivalent of Aang's_ no, I never_). She said that Azula **couldn't force** her to do anything…not anymore. She didn't **have** to go. Zuko said that Azula wasn't forcing Mai right now – Zuko was _just asking her._

Gloomy sighed, like this whole conversation was boring her and she didn't have time for this. She asked what made Zuko so sure that Azula would help him anyway. Zuko shrugged and said he wasn't sure – but he thought it was worth a shot. Besides Azula was still his sister and things had been better between them these past few days. Mai scoffed and said _things have been better between you?_ a bit incredulously.

She then pinched the bridge of her nose and really randomly changed topics. She said_ you know Zuko, there's a fish in nature called the twin-fish. All twin-fish are born with a conjoined twin and for their whole juvenile period they fight and snap at each other -until one of them proves dominance and __**eats the other...**_She trailed off here as if her random anecdote about the twin-fish spoke for itself. I wasn't sure what she was getting at – but I know she left me with a **stunningly disturbing mental image**. Zuko also seemed to be in bad mental-image land and didn't seem to know quite what to say to this random change of subject. But Gloomy filled in the confused silence for us. She poked Zuko in the chest and explicated nonchalantly _twin-fish would look at your relationship with Azula and say __**" oooh, that is messed up"**_ Zuko looked a bit pissed off at that. He took a big step back from her and said_ fine, don't come _a bit crossly. Gloomy also huffed now. She breathed out a long suffering sigh and said _no, it's fine – I'll go. It's not like I am "doing anything else" after all. _

There was another very awkward silence while they both huffed a bit longer. I couldn't take the awkwardness of that silence so I interrupted in my briskly positive tone. I said that now that that was settled - the three of us better head off. It was a busy day, not much time, coup to halt, bad guys to defeat and we needed some proof from Azula that Ozai was a crazy maniac murderer….you know, the usual.

-o-

Azula** was **in an oddly good mood. It was freaky and weird and wrong. She was sitting at the table and welcomed us all to her room warmly. Ming ushered us in and took up an unobtrusive post by the door. Azula still called me bossy peasant – but that's to be expected. I think she thinks it is my name. She did seem happy to see me. But then she saw Gloomy standing behind me.

She and Gloomy regarded each other for a second and then Azula smiled at Gloomy too. Gloomy did not smile back. Azula said that she was glad that Gloomy had seen fit to visit her. Gloomy crossed her arms and said dispassionately that she wasn't here for Azula – she was only here for Zuko. Something changed in Azula's face – her nose twisted in anger. It was only there for the briefest flash and then it was gone.

Zuko pulled up a chair and sat next to her. He said _okay, so Katara and Mai are here now._ he asked Azula if she would tell him what she knew **now.** She smiled at him again. He said that she should stop smiling at him _like that_ because she was freaking him out. Azula said that she had a reason to smile today. She always knew it would only be a matter of time before little Zuzu got himself into hot water and _needed her help_. Zuko's good eye twitched when she called him Zuzu (because he hates being called Zuzu as much as he hates being called sifu hotman). Instead he just said _Azula...you pinky swore,_ in a slightly admonishing voice.

Azula leaned back in her chair and looked relaxed and said_ that I did. I actually had two things to tell you today Zuzu. Which do you want first – the good news or the bad news?_ Zuko looked momentarily confused and said that she had claimed that she knew where their Dad kept all the files and stuff relating to the missing two hundred – he wanted to know whichever one that was. Azula said _not so fast – you are always so impatient!_ She said he had to pick between good news and bad news. Zuko paused and then said bad news. Their dad being a nutso murderer would definitely qualify as bad news. Azula giggled then. She said that she knew he'd pick bad news – he was _so predicable_. He always picked bad news first.

She muttered_ I always want the good news first – it softens the blow_ mostly to herself. She started muttering to herself about good news and bad news. Gloomy took a step behind me (neither of us had sat down) and looked very disconcerted by her muttering. Zuko touched Azula's shoulder gently and that seemed to snap her out of her muttering. He was looking at her with concern and this seemed to make her cross. Zuko prompted her and said that she had two things to tell him – and she'd been about to tell him the one that she thought was bad news. Azula snapped _I know that! I'm not a dum dum like you!_

Azula said that she had an answer to a question Zuko used to ask her _all the time, _when he first got back to the firenation. He always wanted to know _how Azula knew so much about his movements _in those early days. Gloomy shifted a little and came out from behind me. Zuko said that he didn't care about that now and he didn't want to know about that now (a touch impatiently). Azula disagreed – she thought he _needed to know._

She leaned her elbows on the table and rested her head on one of her hands while she pointed at Gloomy with the other. She turned to Zuko and said _Mai was spying on you for me __**the whole time!**_ Then she pointed between the two of them and instructed _discuss!_ very gleefully. It was almost like she was hoping for some explosive and entertaining debate about Gloomy's spying ways to erupt right in front of her.

Zuko tried to brush it off at first. He scoffed then said _look Azula I don't have time for your lies right now okay. I know Mai wouldn't do that to me. _Azula asked how he thought she knew about him going to Iron Cove every bloody night to see Uncle Fatso? Zuko said quickly that she had said that the guard had told her. Azula corrected him. _I never said that – you guessed that __and I didn't correct you._ Azula added, in an almost gentle tone, _Iron cove is a two hour round-trip Zuzu. The guards never go far from the prison with their rosters._ She added and _you know what my schedule was like then... when would I have gotten time to make that sort of excursion to talk to some random guard?_There was a pause while Zuko absorbed this. Then his mouth dropped open in hurt, shocked surprise. Azula clapped her hands and said_ I love this face you make – when the copper finally drops for you!_

He looked **so hurt** and I wanted to go over and comfort him. But he looked beyond comforting. The grumpy explosion that had been in the works -erupted. He stood up abruptly and the chair clattered back. He looked at Gloomy like he felt so **incredibly betrayed**. I didn't know how Gloomy could stand it. She fidgeted under his gaze and then said and then said, in a effort at keeping her voice neutral, _Zuko, it's not what you think. _This statement seemed to have the opposite effect to what she had intended, because Zuko took it as a confirmation, not a denial of Azula's allegation. He breathed _oh my agni- it's true, isn't it?_ Gloomy shifted uncomfortably and then said dismissively _look it's not a big deal - we'll talk about this later. _Zuko snapped that **she shouldn't talk to him at all.**

At that point Azula erupted in laughter. Zuko turned on her and just looked so angry at her right then. He spat _I can't believe I ever thought you actually wanted to help me! _He sounded furious...but also disappointed. Then he turned abruptly and stormed past Gloomy and myself. Gloomy and I both tried to clatter out the door after him. I felt Ming take my elbow gently and hold me back -so that Gloomy pushed in front of me. She whispered, in a firm yet kind voice, that this was between Zuko and Gloomy. I should let them sort it out.

Azula was still laughing like a maniac. It bothered me how much glee she took in upsetting Zuko. I put my hands on my hips and said _well I hope you are pleased with yourself_ in a scolding tone. Azula seemed momentarily silenced. We both heard the clatter of several knives slamming into the wall and then Zuko shouted angrily _what the fuck! You could have hit me! _It sounded like it was coming from the far end of the hall. Gloomy's reply was more muffled (because she wasn't shouting) and I couldn't make it out. A door slammed once, and then twice and then I couldn't hear either of them. Azula smiled to herself and then said _oh yes, I'm very pleased. _

I didn't understand her at all. We'd had such an interesting chat the other night and I had thought that she really did care about Zuko. I just couldn't believe that she would take such joy in hurting him. I didn't understand why she did things like this. I ended up just flat out asking her why she'd felt the urge to do that. She leaned on her hands and smiled at me, like a cat with the cream, and said _well for a start... it is __**such fun.**__ And I need all the fun I can get in my current state. _I made an unhappy face at her and then she said, very defensively, _look, I told him for his own good. He had a right to know and she was never going to tell him. _Azula huffed that she thought it was **better **for a couple to know the truth about each other – then she looked sharply at Ming and snapped _don't you agree Ming?_

Ming simply bowed at her and said it wasn't her place to say. Azula pestered and said that Ming could speak freely. Ming said, in her firm yet sympathetic voice, that she had no opinion on the firelord's relationship, but she thought it would be **better** if Azula was kinder to her brother, who loved her. Azula stopped smiling right then, in response to Ming's words and looked faintly abashed.

At that point Gloomy Hairbuns had strode back in irately. She appeared at the door – looking tall and elegant and **very cross**. It was rare for Gloomy to show emotion, but I could tell that she was **really friggin pissed off** right now. Her voice was simmering with anger– she didn't shout or yell – but you could tell that she wanted to, and maybe if she was a different person she would have. Instead she gave Azula an icy look and said_ I just wanted you to know that ...__**shit like this**__ is __**exactly**__ why your father told you that everyone you care about will get sick of you and leave you in the end... _Azula just recoiled at that. From the look on her face, Gloomy may as well have just strode over and **slapped her.** Gloomy paused and let that sink in and then she said in her icy tone _goodbye Azula, you shan't be seeing me again. _Then Gloomy turned on her heel and marched away again.

Azula started breathing in short and shallow gasps. Ming moved from the door and rubbed soothing circles on her back. I realized with some alarm that she was actually crying. She'd been _laughing her arse off_ just moments ago and now she was sobbing with equal gusto. My heart wrenched in pity for her, despite myself. I was so cross at her just moments before and now I just felt sorry for her again.

I'm powerless against crying people. I just want to make them feel better.

I couldn't _just leave_ without saying anything, while she was crying like that. Just leaving would be _rude_ and _unkind_. So I found myself joining Ming in trying to stop her crying. I knelt next to her and rubbed her shoulder and tried to think of the best thing to say. She looked up abruptly in surprise when I touched her.

I told her that she didn't need to cry. I didn't have much else in the way of comforting things to say. I mean I couldn't say _it wasn't her fault_- because it was. I couldn't say _everything would work out alright _-because it might not. In absence of those to things I just settled for am encouraging _oh don't cry now_. Azula nodded and said in a failed attempt at her normal aloof tone, that I was right. Crying was pointless and useless. She wiped her face ferociously.

Then Azula really surprised me. she grabbed my hand, suddenly, and told me _to wait a second. _She still hadn't told anyone the second thing and the second thing was _important. The second thing was good news for Zuko. _She asked Ming to get a piece of paper and a pen – then she wrote something down quickly and handed to me. She said _give this to Zuko. If he looks here – he'll find what he needs. _I took it from her and was a bit flabbergasted. The note said (in small, impossibly neat writing) :

_Dragon catacombs vault: 314. _

_Firepass: __** ..- .-. ... .-**_

She huffed _don't read it- you nosy peasant!_ in an admonishing tone. Then she tilted her head at muttered _I didn't know you could read _curiously_._ She sounded a bit more like herself when she was belittling me. She then waved dismissively at me and said I was excused because I probably had many things I would rather attend to. If she were me – she would not spend all day with a crazy girl either. I turned to go, but at the door I stopped and bowed at her (I have never done that before) and said _really, thank you for this Azula. _ There was a pause and then she bowed briefly back at me and said _don't read too much into it nosy, bossy peasant._

-o-

I raced back to the house looking for Zuko. Sokka told me that he had come back a few minutes ago, in a **terrible mood. **Oh Zuko. I wanted to go find him and tell him that despite that whole awful confrontation – seeing Azula hadn't been a total loss. I wanted to try make him feel better, because this day was just **ridiculously bad** for him. But apparently he had left again with Lady Za Jei.

Lady Za Jei was back from arresting/scaring the shit out of people and had taken Zuko aside so that she could give him a full report and throw fireballs at him. What? Is that how the do reports in the firenation. Sokka said he didn't think so – he thought that Zuko just looked like he needed _some sort of stress release _– and maybe throwing a bunch of fireballs would help. Sokka thought that they were in the rock garden.

I raced over there and saw their sparring session. It was a very intense fight. Zuko had taken his shirt off for it. mmmmmmmhhh. I had a moment to myself where I got a bit distracted by the shirtlessness. The shirtlessness just melts my brain. Gosh, he is still so _incredibly sexy_ without his shirt on. Even with his new scar. The lightning scar had healed into this big starburst pattern in the middle of his chest. This is the first time I had seen it without the bandages – in the sunlight. It's not an attractive scar … but it's still oddly beautiful to me.

Oh I don't know. I just…I mean he was willing to jump in front of lightning for me… and this scar is testament to that…. and I nearly lost him then and that still hurts to think about. I know I just can't imagine my life without him…and well have all this _stuff_ between us….and all I want to do is help him and support him and make him laugh…but despite all that, he still bagged off with Gloomy Friggin Hairbuns even though she is **such a bitch** to him. I just don't get it.

Anyway I took a long moment, observing the fight and appreciating the view and thinking all these thoughts. I wasn't as prompt as I could have been with message delivery. But I think that Zuko needed to spar and to let off some of that energy. This fight was probably doing him some good and there seemed to be a real rhythm to firebending duels and I didn't want to interrupt and throw it off. Also Za Jei was filling him in on her activities this morning and all that was important too. So I waited for them to finish up.

Za Jei and Zuko were blasting and dodging and firing at eachother while she gave her report. She had managed to catch seven of the nine members – and she was sure her guards would be able to seize the remaining two very quickly. The rest were all locked up in separate parts of the dungeons. She said that said that she had been right about Bumface. He had turned on the others very quickly and given her everything she needed for a solid conviction for all of them.

Za Jei was **very impressed** with Toph and sang her praises a fair bit. She appreciated having Toph in the interview room with her. She said that when you had Toph in an interview room – you didn't play good cop/bad cop. Za Jei described what had happened with Uncle Iroh, herself and Toph _as good cop/bad cop and __**tiny, mighty cop who will fuck up your face if you keep lying**__._

I heard a snigger at that coming from a little behind me. It was Aang. He was back. I waved him over and we had a small whispered conversation. Aang seemed a bit contrite. He said that he was sorry for running away earlier – but he had just wanted to _really think_ about what my Dad said. Now he had _thought about things_ – he wanted to talk to Zuko. I discouraged him from interrupting the firebending practice and told him it might be better to wait until Zuko and Za Jei had finished. Aang nodded.

I tried to discourage him from listening in – because Zuko and Za Jei were dropping the f-bomb a lot. (The **actual f- bomb** – not forgiveness which is another f-word I have very strong feelings about). But Za Jei started bitching about Aang and there is not a single person on this earth who can resist eavesdropping when they hear their name in conversation. Not even Aang can resist that sort of temptation.

Za Jei said to Zuko_ you stopped me from reprimanding the Avatar this morning _in a disappointed and accusatory tone. Then she fired and enormous blast at Zuko which he blocked easily. Zuko apologized and said that he hadn't meant to offend her. It hadn't been about her. It was just that Aang was _just a kid –_ and Za Jei could be _pretty fucking intense._ Then he fired a return blast.

Za Jei huffed that "just a kid" was not an fucking excuse. She did a swirl blast and said _when you were his age you could take all my criticism… and then some. _Zuko said that Aang wasn't used to Za Jei's **particular brand of criticism **and Aang didn't react well to disagreement or being challenged. Za Jei snorted at that and said an _Avatar who doesn't like disagreement?_ in an incredulous tone.

Za Jei said that dealing with disagreement would be Aang's job as Avatar. He had to get used to criticism and being challenged. Aang couldn't just expect everyone to bow down and agree with him because he's the Avatar. She then said very pointedly to Zuko _You shouldn't stop people from challenging him. You're not doing him __**any fucking favours**__! _ She fired a massive blast, which Zuko dodged before returning fire. Zuko said that was her opinion. In Zuko's opinion, Aang **just wasn't ready** for his Avatar duties. Aang was a very **young **twelve-year-old. He still believed in unicorns - for fuck's sake. Aang wasn't ready to deal with all this harsh reality. Zuko thought that children should be protected from having to deal with the sort of terrible atrocities that Ozai committed as long as humanly possible.

Za Jei was unmoved. She sounded displeased when she parried back _so that's your plan - instead of telling the Avatar about what a __**fucking hypocrite**__ he is and how much he __**fucked up**__ and how much harder he has made __**everything **__for you– you are going to coddle him like he is a __**fucking child.**_ Zuko fired back that _Aang was a fucking child!_

Za Jei caught his blast easily and then dropped her fighting stance. She said firmly that Aang wasn't just a fucking kid – he was **the most powerful being in the world. **Za Jei thought that Aang was living proof that the spirits had a tremendous sense of irony – to give such power to such a milksop. Then it was like she wasn't just talking to Zuko. It felt like she was talking to me. She said, in a stern admonishing tone, y_ou coddling him is __**ridiculous **__at this point! How is he ever going to grow up if he is always treated like a child?_

I glanced at Aang to gauge his reaction to this rather frank assessment. This was the second time today that Aang's shortcomings as an Avatar had been bluntly illustrated for him, though Za Jei hadn't softened the blow at all – like my Dad had done. And in many ways, Zuko's defense of Aang and how he frequently said that Aang was just a kid made things worse because it kind of reinforced my dad's point about Aang's lack of responsibility and immaturity. Aang looked at me all hurt, upset and confused. Then he turned around and started running away.

For a flash, all my instincts told me to run after him. Run after him and comfort him and make it better. If it had been any other day – perhaps I would have. But I had an important message for Zuko and he was my priority today…and I couldn't help but think that perhaps Za Jei had a point.

Perhaps it was time that I tried to stop coddling Aang too. I had kept so much from him out of the belief that it was the kinder thing to do. But perhaps it wasn't the right choice in the end. I had rarely ever disagreed with him openly, even when I thought he was wrong – all because I didn't want to "upset" him. But what good had all my constant mothering done for him? _Really_? I kept treating him like he was a little kid and so he kept acting like he was a little kid. I could see an unfortunate correlation there.

The sparring session was over now. Zuko and Za Jei walking back towards me. They were talking conversationally. Za Jei was talking, in a much softer tone to the one she had been using during the spar. She said _I never coddled you. I taught you to never run from or ignore you problems and your many deficiencies – but to work hard to overcome them...and look at you now._ There was an odd twinge of pride when she said that.

Zuko was looking down at his feet so I couldn't see his face. He asked her if she ever thought that he might have found it easier to overcome those deficiencies with a little encouragement. There were so many layers to that question. But Za Jei ignored them all and just snorted **Encouragement is for pussies! **Well that is certainly one way of looking at the world. Zuko made a disappointed face and she said, once again in that same proud voice _I taught you __**to be strong.**__ If there's one thing people in this country respond to – it's a show of strength. Remember that. _

-o-

Zuko seemed happy to see me. At first he thought that I wanted to talk to him about Mai and Azula and what had happened back at the convalescent home when he had stormed off. Truth be told, I was _dying to know_ what had happened there. Had he broke up with Gloomy Hairbuns? But then he started nervous blathering about how he didn't want to talk about it** at all **and he was okay and he just wanted to focus on getting through the day. The subject seemed effectively closed. I wasn't going to pester him about it today. Tomorrow though, I will subtly ask and hint.

Instead I handed him Azula's message and told him that she had asked me to give it to him and she had said that if he looked there – he would find what he needed. Zuko took it and said a little hopelessly _what am I going to do with her? _It was a rhetorical question, but I shrugged in response anyway. He unfolded the piece of paper and quickly read it and then muttering _fucking hell _under his breath. He sat down quickly on one of the rocks and looked a bit dismayed. I sat next to him and asked if he was okay – with some worry. Zuko said _no, I'm not okay! I just…I __**hate**__ this da__y! Now I have to go to the fucking dragon catacombs. _

I leaned over quickly and wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. He'd been working so hard at keeping it together in front of everybody else all day. But we were alone in the rock garden now. Everyone needs to have someone they can just let loose around. Zuko is my person for that. I like to think that I am his person too. I am definitely more his person that Gloomy Friggin Hairbuns. I could tell that this whole day was just getting to him. For some reason, whatever a dragon catacomb vault with a firepass was – it was clearly a bit too much for him right now.

He obviously just needed a hug – but he'd never bring himself to ask for a hug, no matter how much he needs one. So I held him as close as I could. He hugged me back tightly and smushed his face into the crook of my neck. I rubbed my hands in big, soothing circles all over his back – which I then very abruptly realized was still bare – because he hadn't put his shirt back on. Oh la la. His skin was all hot from training and I could feel all the different muscles in his back. And then I started to think about how sexy I found his back. I mean I find all of him sexy – but there is just something about running my hands up and down his back. I was actually running my right hand up and down his back while I thought this. But righty slipped a little to low and I ended up _accidentally_ touching arse.

It was an accident!

The mood of the hug changed. Before I had been Katara – his person who was nice, comforting and huggable. Now I was Katara – the person who just wanted to _grab some arse_. Katara- **the arse grabber **instead of Katara – **the nice hugger.** Zuko pulled away a bit awkwardly and I said _my hand slipped_ quickly. He looked down sheepishly and then said _oh I'm sorry – I'm all sweaty. _And then he started putting his shirt back on. Boo.

And then, just to make this moment even more awkward I said the most ridiculous thing possible…cripes I cannot believe I actually said this… why oh why did I say this? I said_ it's okay. I like you moist. _You cannot **unsay **something like " _I like you moist_". Once you put that out there – it is **out there.**

Zuko popped his head out of his shirt and looked at me with a slightly baffled expression. As if even he – king of the awkward utterance - couldn't believe that I had **actually** said that. He didn't appear to know what to say in response. He blushed and I blushed and then he said _err, okay…. Um… thaaaanks?_ I guess confused gratitude is the best reaction to a confession of moist-fondness that I could hope for. Look it's not even like I like him moist in a _weird way._ **I like him dry as well.** It is just that he was moist at this _particular moment._

Moist is a **terrible word**. I am never saying the word moist again.

I searched around desperately for another topic and thankfully there was still a bit of a crisis going on. I pointed out that we still had Azula's note and dragon catacombs to deal with and we should do that. Zuko stood awkwardly, as if he was galvanished into action. He said _yeah, you're right. We should head to the dragon catacombs and investigate and shit._ I agreed quickly, even though I was unsure at this point what a dragon catacomb was. I have a sneaking suspicion it will be unpleasant and dank and dark – but if investigating them gets me out of this situation - I am okay with that!

Onwards! to the dragon catacombs we go!

-o-

0o0o0o0o0o0

The rambles!

Lovely wonderful readers! Thanks for all your wonderful comments and reviews and as always, thank you so much for reading this chapter. This whole succession thing is a little contentious – and so naturally YMMV over everything! But even if YMMV – I hope you enjoyed reading all the same. So the title comes from a famous Oscar Wilde quote. He said "The truth is rarely pure and never simple". I dig that. Anyway this chapter deals a bit with the contentious issue of truth – but most importantly the truths that people tell themselves vs the reality. We have a few characters who have been lying to themselves become enlightened.

So the first part of this chapter deals with Ozai and the succession dramas. This is my take and it is based largely on my understanding of English feudal succession and absolute monarchies. The law about grave dishonours is a reference to feudal laws like _habeas corpus_ and _magna carta_ in british history. Absolute monarchs have a lot of power - but when they start actively hurting the wealthy and powerful - the wealthy and powerful always strike back in some way. the law about grave dishonours only applies to the murder of noble caldrrians for that reason. it is also the reason why Ozai dissappeared people in a secretive manner - rather than just challenging everyone to an Agni Kai.

I don't think that Ozai proclaiming himself Phoenix King would count as an abdication merely because he never, at any point, says "I abdicate my position of power over you all!" Ozai's not the type to give up power freely. Abdications are** a pretty big deal.** There is normally a ceremony and some official documents to sign before it is legitimate. So I don't know if Ozai's phoenix king shenanigans would count as a proper abdication. It's still a **mad** thing to do – but insanity also does not disqualify a ruler – look at the history of royal families in europe and how many mad buggers there were parading about in crowns. In fact I would say that being a little potty almost seems like a prerequisite for ruling the firenation. Most of the firelords we see in the show are **not the full quid** in my humble opinion. They are all a bit too acquainted with the fine line between genius and madness.* I would also join Sokka in quiet demurrings about inbreeding*

Ozai letting Azula be coronated doesn't count for that much – because I said in an earlier rambly note - that whole thing with Azula being crowned would have been especially problematic and unusual. Also I think Ozai would have tried to reduce the firelord to a ceremonial role- in the hope that he could retain power over the firenation even while he was **pheonix king-ing it up. **He offered Azula firelordship to get her out of the way – not because he believed in her capabilities to lead.

I also think that the firesages were bullied and strong armed into all that and were a bit unhappy about all the screwing around with the succession order and normal protocol. So as soon as they are presented with Zuko as a viable alternative – they leap at the chance and give him their full endorsement. They have knowingly crowned Zuko, while Ozai exists in this weird gray area – his claim is legitimate, but he is no longer the sitting firelord. This situation is still a big old mess and it has never happened before so no one is quite sure what to do.

So the movement of the nine nobles is not a people's rebellion by any means. It is an attempted coup arranged by a few members of a powerful minority. Aside from some nobles with very vested interests – I think that most people in the firenation would be willing to let Zuko have a crack at the top job, for no other reason that the fact that he is NOT his father and therefore cannot possibly be **as bad. **

However the main source of dissatisfaction with Zuko's rule will come from the nobility – because they do stand to lose prestige and fortune under Zuko. The war would have made most of them even richer – and peace will bring about a big economic hit. Nobody wants that. So despite the fact that the nobles would feel a little safer under Zuko (because he is not the type to go around disappearing people) they would also be a little poorer. As a result many nobles will be sitting on the fence and unwilling to commit to either a coup – or to Zuko's leadership. The ones who would have joined with the Nine would be the ones who are pretty sure that they are going to get charged with war crimes eventually. Those people were probably always going to go down with _Ozai's crazy boat –_ and so they want him back in power to save their own skins.

However it is questionable how much better off they would be under Ozai – given his tendency to 'disappear' his dissenters. This is something that everyone was pissed off about and it will bite Ozai in the arse. It will also dictate how Zuko can react to the problem of Ozai.

So I said before that a big source of Zuko's popularity is that he is the _anti-Ozai. _ He is popular because he is as different from his father as possible. The fact that Zuko does not seem like the type to stoop to Ozai's brutal tactics is something that those fence-sitting nobles _like _about him. He can't afford to completely lose their good opinion now, so early in his reign. So tactics like organising an accident – or bringing his Dad up on **trumped up** charges are both ruled out. (Any charges of war crimes would be trumped up at this stage because the war crimes system has not yet been developed – and Zuko wants it to be as efficient and legitimate as possible).

Zuko needs to be seen as good and honourable - both by the people in the firenation and by the world, if he wants to change things for the better and be a force of good. But good has to play fair. Playing by the rules limits the options. The best way to interpret those rules becomes the issue for Zuko and his advisers when they are deciding what to do. This sort of battle is new to the Gaang – but it is the sort of fight they have to get used to. It is a diplomatic fight. It is fight with words, laws and precedents not elements or weapons.

Zuko is in a bit of an **impossible position **with regards to his father. Even though I frequently say that Ozai should have died in that final battle – the manner of his death is important.

If he had been killed by Aang then – he would have been killed by the Avatar, the embodiment of justice and balance in the world. He also would have been killed in battle, by a child who was acting in self-defence. Most people would feel that this is a** fair result** and Ozai got what was coming to him. This would have been the best result for every single person!

However, because of Aang's choice - now Zuko has final say over Ozai. If Zuko has his father killed , even if he is executed after a fair trial- it is patricide- anyway you slice it. No matter how terrible Ozai was to Zuko – **nobody likes patricide** and people would feel uncomfortable having someone capable of patricide in charge. I think even if Zuko _wanted_ to have his father done away with - it would result in a PR nightmare. But even the slightest kindness shown to Ozai – such as giving him a cell with a window, so he does not suffer from sunlight deprivation (something which I imagine would be quite terrible for firebender) is something that Ozai twists to his advantage. You can't treat Ozai fairly and have him respond in kind.

But, at the end of the day, Ozai is still Zuko's father and Zuko is a bit stuck with him. Their relationship is just a big old mess. It is too dysfunctional to be repaired – but that doesn't mean that Zuko should be the instrument of his own father's demise. However this is the untenable position he is put in – because something has to be done about Ozai. Aang doesn't quite appreciate how complex this situation he's created actually is.

Aang has a real wake up call this chapter. He is called out for a lot of things. His black and white view of the world and morality is put to the test and found wanting. Realistically Aang's world view would** have **to start to evolve to encompass shades of moral grey if he is to be any good as an avatar. He has to look **beyond his dogma** and see other points of view. Aang is consistently proved right in the show and I think it is a necessary for his growth that he experience what it is like to be **well and truly wrong. **

At the beginning of the chapter he is still clinging to his black and white world view and his belief that his choices, especially with regard to Ozai – are always right. (Aang was so sure in Sozin's comet and ignored or lashed out at everyone who said otherwise.) However Zuko kicking him out of the meeting in response to his sanctimony is proof that he does not actually **have **to listen to Aang, just because Aang is the Avatar. Aang is used to his opinion holding certain sway, just because he is the Avatar – and he would be very surprised at this. This action also clearly demonstrates how quickly Aang could make himself irrelevant if he cannot adapt. These issues post war issues are not going to be easy and have a clear cut right and wrong answer – if Aang maintains a black and white world view – he will be of little use.

Also, not many world leaders will like having a twelve year old tell them what to do – especially if that twelve year old is unwilling to even look at things from another person's point of view. Zuko would feel bad about kicking Aang out (because of his complicated history relating to inclusion and exclusion from important meetings) but Aang's behaviour would reinforce that he is still very childlike. Zuko thinks that Aang is not mature enough to deal with these sort of problems and it is more expedient to remove Aang from the situation rather than try and explain the situation to Aang.

Hakoda scolds Aang's lack of responsibility and points out how selfish Aang's choice actually was. But he does this in a calm and non-confrontational manner – which Aang responds to a little better. He is not the first person to say this to Aang. In many ways his approach is similar to what Avatar Yang Chen said when she said that Aang had to put the world before his individual needs. However Katara does not know about Aang's tete-a-tete with his past lives.

Za Jei, however, is blunt and direct when she calls out Aang's hypocrisy in the meeting.

I didn't touch much on the _seige of of the north,_ but Za Jei was most definitely about to bring it up before Zuko cuts her off. She is also points out Aang's childishness when she confronts Zuko about it later. She points out that the way the Gaang coddle Aang is actually holding him back and is getting a bit ridiculous. For better or worse, Aang has huge responsibilities – and coddling him is not doing anything to help prepare him for those responsibilities.

I am not saying that all these responsibilities should be piled on top of Aang at once, but he definitely needs to start embracing the less glamorous side of being the avatar and face some consequences for his past mistakes. Getting to the point where he can admit that he was wrong about Ozai and** honestly believe it **will be a big and important step for him.

Aang is also in a difficult position because in many ways he is still a child – but the role of the Avatar is so demanding. He desperately wants to be a good avatar and to be listened to and treated like a grown-up. But conversely he runs from his duty frequently, does not listen to others and acts childish. He is working towards figuring out how to be a good Avatar – but he honestly doesn't have much idea how to go about it.

The role of the Avatar involves political negotiation and mediation and it seems like Aang politicises the role even further (his face is on the money in Korra). Ultimately – Aang learning to listen and take responsibility and consider other points of view (even if they vary vastly from his own) are the most vital skills he needs to be a better Avatar. These things are just as important as any of the bendings.

Katara, who probably coddles Aang the most, realises in this chapter that her coddling is not entirely healthy for anyone, especially Aang. Katara constantly feels the need to mother and protect people and no one moreso that Aang. In many ways this attitude has shaped how Zuko and the Gaang also treat Aang – with the possible exception of Toph who has always been more no-nonsense. Katara herself needs to be able to step back from the mother role and her not going after him and prioritising Zuko is actually good for both Katara and Aang. Katara needs to be able to step back and Aang needs to start standing on his own two feet.

It is definitely good for Zuko, who is having a horrible, no good, bad day. Katara is _his person _for emotional support_– _the person he doesn't have to pretend in front of. Zuko has taken Hakoda's words to heart about how the first part of leadership is acting like you know what you are doing. He is very much trying to pretend that he** has it all together **for everyone else. He really did need a hug from Katara – but he is much less expressive about asking for affection for himself. He was raised with certain behaviour expectations and needing/asking for hugs was not one of the things that would have been encouraged.

He also knows that his office comes with certain standards of conducts – such as acting with dignity and not throwing childish tantrums. Zuko can't just fly off the handle over every little thing now that he is firelord. He is making concerted efforts to control his temper in this chapter. But he still needs some stress release big time – so he spars with Katara last chapter and with Za Jei in this chapter.

Za Jei was a very hard task master when she was training Zuko and Azula. She would have been relieved from her post by Ozai when Zuko was banished (but then she went on to become a hardass cop). I think that she is exceptionally old school and is the embodiment of many of those stiff-upper-lip firenation philosophies. She is a good person – but she is not a nice person. She is a realist and has to deal with harsh reality all the time. Zuko respects her a great deal. Zuko would have wanted her approval very much as a child and it would be a surreal experience for him to spar with her as an equal now.

They disagree over the right way to treat Aang – but in many ways Zuko's argument with Za Jei helps him deal with some unresolved resentment he bore towards her for her gruelling training techniques (which would not have been the best thing for lil Zuko's self esteem). That is why he is so adamant that Aang should be treated gently because he is just a kid – because Zuko did not get treated gently by her when he was just a kid. However he also gets to see her side of things and begins to understand that Za Jei did not treat him harshly to be unkind. She treated him harshly because she thought it was the best way to teach him – and she wanted the best for him. Being an unrelenting task master was how she showed care. (she is quite similar to Toph in this respect). He also gets to see that even though they disagree – Za Jei is on his side and is proud of him.

For Zuko , knowing who exactly is on his side is going to be a big issue. Zuko already has massive trust issues and this was something that Azula played upon in this chapter. She tells him about Mai's spying in a way that will cause maximum entertainment for her and maximum embarrassment for Zuko.

I think she does this because messing with Zuko really is just habit with her and she is still clinging to the few old habits available to her. Also Azula does like feeling power over Zuko and is very controlling and possessive over him. She does not want him to have a girlfriend right now (because she thinks that love is finite and there is only so much to go around) – and so she takes aim at the Maiko ship. This is partly to take out some of her anger on Zuko – if she is miserable, she wants him to be miserable as well. But there is the tiniest bit of sisterly concern there. She knows his girlfriend is lying to him.

She also does it to punish Mai for rejecting her, disobeying her and choosing Zuko over her. But in retaliation Mai knows exactly how to **hit Azula where it hurts.** Mai's final parting comments to Azula are a reference to my oneshot called 'princess of mine.' Mai wont forgive Azula for this or come and see her again.

So Azula getting Mai to spy on Zuko is just a theory that makes so much sense to me – but YMMV. Azula is very controlling over all her friends and this is just the sort of thing I can see her doing. She is very encouraging of the good ship Maiko in the beginning, which seemed a bit uncharacteristic to me when I first watched the show – but then the more I thought about it, the more sense it made.

Azula **knows** that Zuko is really unhappy in the firenation and she wants to keep him around (even if only to be her fall guy when shit hits the fan). She also knows that he has a tendency to get up to mischief and sneak around so she also needs to keep tabs on him. Having Mai as a girlfriend/spy was an easy solution. Mai distracts him with her womanly wiles, prevents a fair bit of mischievous shenanigans and reports back to her if shenanigans ensue anyway. I bet you that Zuko told Mai a lot in those early days when he was just desperate for someone to talk to.

Azula just knows so much about Zuko's "secret" movements and activities – and I do not believe some random guard told her. That prison is a fair way away from the castle – and I don't see Azula going there for shiggles. There are hundreds of guards who work there – how would she know which one to interview. I don't think that guard would have come forward himself, given the fact that he had news that could potentially make Azula unhappy. Azula had a tendency to crush/humiliate/intimidate people who told her news which made her unhappy.

When Azula interrupts the** sunset-hating picnic **and tells Zuko she knows he is visiting their Uncle, there is a pause before Zuko guesses that a guard told her. I reckon that the first possibility which crossed his mind was Mai – but he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. And Azula never confirms or denies that the guard told her – she just smiles.

Mai would make a good spy because she doesn't give anything away and she is also keenly observant. I can see Azula entrusting her with this because Mai is in her inner circle. She is clever, efficient and already has a crush on Zuko. According to how they meet in the comics – Azula actually forces them to go on their first date together. (gigglesnort – isn't that romantic?). So she is pushing them together pretty much from the get go.

I can see Mai going along with this – she doesn't swim against Azula's currents all that much. Also she does want to go out with Zuko/spend more time with him and this seems like the easiest way – because Azula kicking up a fuss would be a non-issue. (and I reckon Azula would make life extremely difficult for any girlfriend of Zuko's that she did not approve of). And I do think that Mai would be more ideologically aligned with Azula to begin with (She believes the firenation is in the right during the war). She would very much resent Azula's manipulation and control – but being able to spend more time with Zuko was something that Mai wanted anyway. So spying ensues.

Mai cares about Zuko and also wants him to stay in the firenation and not get into trouble/banished again. When he told her he was visiting Uncle Iroh – she would have been **really worried.** Mai understands politics – she understands just how that would look to everyone. Zuko visiting his convicted traitor Uncle would not have gone over well with anyone and he was always on thin ice. She would have told Azula at the first available moment – because she would have wanted Azula to 'fix it' so that he didn't visit Iroh again. She would have justified this to herself by saying that_ it is not really spying if it is for his own good_ and that sort of thing. She would have passed any of Zuko's more troubling activities onto Azula, because they made her worry about him.

But she would have fiercely denied spying when Zuko first asks her about it (he would have asked her after the picnic – because Mai is the most logical solution.) Mai knows that Zuko overreacts and has trust issues – so she wouldn't have wanted him to ever find out. She could easily bamboozle him with her denials (I imagine she would have quickly turned the argument around on Zuko.) If you want that picnic scene again, from the point where Azula interrupts – this theory makes a lot more sense and goes a long way to explaining the glances between Azula and Mai.

Mai's spying is not to make her out to be a horrible person – but it is merely to illustrate how deep the trust issues in Maiko go. Zuko does not trust Mai at all and I think there was a subconscious reason behind that. Deep down he knew he shouldn't trust her. He slowly pulls away from her and stops sharing with her, over the course of their relationship. And it finally culminates with him not telling Mai _anything_ before he leaves – I think this is such a glaring red flag of distrust right there. Zuko leaving Mai the way he does indicates that all trust and communication has broken down. Mai and Zuko don't communicate well with each other. Part of the reason why Mai is so snappy with him at the start is because they never resolved their fight the previous night.

But the scene is more about Azula and Zuko and their weird relationship. Mai's analogy of the twin fish is her way of pointing out that Zuko and Azula have a bad pattern of lashing out at each other. It's a hard thing for them to break out of. They would have had a nice moment in the morning – when Zuko told her that he was starting to looking into the disappeared nobles – and that would have played the **mummy-chord** in both of them. Their love and longing for their vanished mother is something that they will always have in common.

Azula would have readily agreed to tell him where their dad kept his top secret files. Zuko would have been buoyed by that and the thought that maybe his relationship with his sister was improving...only to then get the metaphorical equivalent of Azula **poking him in the eye with a sharp stick.** He feels really disappointed in her and in himself for believing in her.

However she does regret it pretty quickly and gives Katara her information to pass on to Zuko as a sort of non-apology. Zuko understands the underlying apologetic gesture in this and it throws him for a loop. He wasn't expecting a gesture of contrition from his sister... much less one that could actually help him. It also proves that he wasn't entirely wrong in his instinct to ask Azula. Azula is helping Zuko because she knows deep down that she is better off with him in charge – and also because she has her own reasons for wanting to keep Ozai from the throne again. These might not come up here – but I will try to work them into a one-shot.

For those of you wondering – a firepass would be like a password, but with firebending morse-code. When Zuko breaks into Sozin's vault to read his papers – he puts his hand on that seal and it glows. I just think that the firenation would have a more complex system of locks than just one simple fireblast for secret information. So a pattern of short blasts and long blasts would have been employed, like morsecode, in my imagination. Ozai's password spells "Ursa" in morsecode. Make of that what you will.

Next chapter the Gaang will poke around the dragon catacombs – Sokka will embrace his detective-mode. Aang will confess something. Zuko will give a speech. And shenanigans will ensue.

Til then lovely readers...


	11. The Last Agni Kai

0o0o0o0-o0o

Last Agni Kai

0o0o0o0o00o0o0

We went back to the house – so that we could send a hawk to Iroh and tell him what was going on and change into attire more appropriate for dragon catacomb exploring. Appropriate attire turned out to be mostly dark clothes that reminded me of the ninja gear we'd donned to go after Yon Rha. Though my thoughts had been occupied with other matters when we went after Yon Rha, I now realise that Zuko looks **damn fine** in ninja gear. Mmmmmhhhhh. This is not me being a pervert – it is just something that I couldn't help notice. I thankfully managed to refrain from expressing this revelation.

But still I _noticed._

I noticed _a lot_.

I got a bit excited that we were going to_ get our ninja on _together, but it turns that out not much ninja-ing was involved for Dragon Catacombs. It was just filthy down there. So dark colours were better because they didn't get as grubby. Well actually that's not true – they still got grubby, they just didn't _look as_ grubby.

Sokka ended up coming with us. Zuko thought it was a good idea to take him along as an extra pair of eyes meant a shorter time in the Dragon Catacombs and he wanted to spend as little time down there as possible ...because they gave him _the jeebies._

Sokka really wanted to come. He was going a bit stir crazy from being left alone with the paper work with Jee and wanted some adventure. He had also made some of Sokka's secret sauce – and Jee found it (and the sight of Sokka eating it by the giant spoonful) a bit repellent. He was happy to excuse Sokka for the rest of the afternoon on the provision that Sokka take his _nasty abomination_ with him. See Sokka, it is not just me who thinks that Sokka's secret sauce is wrong.

Toph was still interviewing with Iroh and Suki and her warriors were volunteering as guards for the Nine Nobles (well, currently, seven nobles). There had been some shenanigans at the Earthkingdom house and Haru had come looking for my Dad to sort it out, because Dad has this way about him that can make people just **shut up** and **listen.** Aang was still gone – so in the end it was just the three of us who set off.

Sokka was excited by the possibility of an investigation – as he has great faith in his crime solving abilities. He couldn't wait to stick his nose somewhere mysterious. He made me get that stupid hat and pipe he'd taken to wearing while we solved the mystery of Kyoshi and Chin (even though that turned out not to be much of mystery in the end). Zuko thought the hat and pipe was a bit unnecessary and told Sokka this– but Sokka claimed it helped him 'think' better. Zuko cast aspersions on the intelligence of people who needed a hat and pipe to think. Sokka cast aspersions on the intelligence of people named Zuko. If Sokka was still not hopping around in the cast, I am pretty sure this would have lead to inelegant struggling.

I think they both kind of** miss** the inelegant struggling. But confessing such a thing would be the _height of unmanliness._

-o-

In the end, I think it was a good thing that we were getting Sokka out of the house for some wacky investigative hijinks. It made him feel included and useful. It also gave me an opportunity to talk to him about an important matter... You see Sokka has been very restless lately, on account of having is leg in that big cast. It's actually meant to come off tomorrow – and will be replaced with a smaller cast which will give Sokka more mobility according to Dr Yang. He's on her schedule for the late morning. (If we are all still here tomorrow morning that is.) There is a potential problem because I am due to be working then. Sokka and Dad are doing practically everything together lately. If they both show up, there could be a _slight issue_ because I haven't really told my dad about my apprenticeship…yet.

I broached this issue with Sokka. Sokka claimed that it was near** impossible** to get away from ninja nurse Hakoda when it comes to our health, but agreed to give Dad the slip tomorrow (after much pleading from me). Sokka was a bit miffed that I was trying to keep this a secret from Dad – because Dad always finds out whatever you are trying to hide with his powers of dadness. Sokka didn't want to get caught in the middle.

I got defensive. It's not that I _never_ planned on telling my Dad, it is just that I haven't got around to it **yet.** I was actually planning to telling him when we are in Ba Sing Se – that way, if he reacts badly, he won't be able to stomp over and get in Dr Yang's face about it. I like Dr Yang, even though she's so strict with me. She's teaching me a lot. I don't want Dad to give her a bollocking and become yet another drain on her time and energy.

-0-

Well the Dragon Catacombs were as **creepy as all get out.** Not that I expected them to be a nice place to take a romantic stroll – but seriously, they were just _unnecessarily_ creepy. They were this enormous and labyrinthine collection of tunnels and rooms and vaults, deep under the big firesage temple. They were dark and dank and cold – and there were tons of strange and eerie noises. At some point, someone thought that wasn't **quite creepy enough,**and had redecorated with an arse-ton of bones.

Dragon bones mostly …but I am sure there are a few human bones down here… and now their discontented spirits roam these caves…. going _what the fuck?_ For some reason I imagine firenation ghosts would be the **most indignant** of all ghosts. They wouldn't "politely haunt" a place like Nini's ghost back home. No, they'd break shit and frighten the crap out of the living and say things like_ going into the light is for pussies_.

Anyway the Dragon Catacombs was the sort of creepy arse place where you couldn't help but think about ghosts and discontented spirits and nasty deaths. It just felt cold and bleak and miserable down here. I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. I mean sure it was dark and dank and narrow. But I had been in underground caves before and not felt this constant uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. No, there was something about this place. No wonder Zuko hated it down here.

I had a very undignified moment when we were walking to the vault. I walked through a spidersnake's web and the stupid, horrible slimy thing dropped on me. Gah, I just hate spider snakes. It's the eight freaky snakelike legs that really get me. What is _with_ that?

I **freaked out **as soon as I felt one of those tentacle like legs on my shoulder and shrieked**. **Then Sokka shrieked (in, it must be said, a **distinctly unmanly** fashion) and Zuko raced over to me. I did the _getitoffme – getitoffme!_ dance, complete with shrieking and jumping up and down. It crawled into my hair! Why oh why! There is nothing worse than having a spidersnake in your hair. Zuko wasn't squeamish about spidersnakes. He tried to disentagle the wretched thing and brushed it off me quickly. He brushed it right on to Sokka who had come up behind him (Sokka was irate about this and repeated my _getitoffme_ preformance). There were a few shenanigans involved with big spider removal. Sokka and I were a bit useless during this process and delegated this task to Zuko – as he had grown up in a nation full of giant nasty bugs and was used to them.

When we got to the door of vault 314, Zuko took a deep breath, looked at Azula's note and then laid his hand flat against this seal that had a firenation emblem on it. It glowed. Then Zuko did a series of short and long firebursts. There was a metallic groan and then a lock clicked and we could go in.

But none of us were particularly happy about this.

-o-

Well the vault was like a giant version of the cupboard of **crazy evil.** It was_ all kinds of messed up._ The most disturbing thing was not the huge cabinet full of crazy evil papers or the numerous people to kill/maim/threaten lists that served as wallpaper down here – it was the not-entirely-empty wall. It was blank except for some rather ominous shackles bolted into the side and a large brown stain. I have the most awful, horrible, gut-wrenching feeling that it is dried blood. The three of us looked at that wall and a collective shudder went through all of us.

I think I know what this room has been used for and it just sends shivers up my spine. I couldn't imagine anything more terrible than being locked down here, waiting. It's so deep under the earth and so desolate – no one would hear you down here.

No wonder this place felt unbearably bleak.

Zuko said we should do this quickly (no arguments from me and Sokka – we all wanted to get out of here). Azula had told him that their Dad used to _collect stuff _from the people he 'disappeared' personally (Oh Eww! What a crazy nutbag! Just when I think I know the worst thing about Ozai – I find out something like this). Zuko seemed _really bothered_ by the idea that his dad had some sort of creepy souvenir collection from people he killed down here. But he shook it off and said briskly, that if we could find just one thing that belonged to one of the missing nobles – that should be enough to satisfy the firesages and most of the other politicians.

It was no secret that Ozai had disappeared people after all. We just needed something concrete to link him to it. We should look for something a bit out of the ordinary – that clearly belonged to someone else.

-o-

In the end, it was Sokka who found the evidence we needed. He claims this is because of his superior mystery solving skills. (Zuko and I both indulged him on this score). Sokka found a large locked jewellery box, that contained a collection of topknot headpieces. Zuko looked over Sokka's shoulder, and then his eyes widened in horror and revulsion. He picked up one of the bigger ones. It had a different shape to the others – the flames were more curly and there was a big circular disc in the centre. He looked at it, sighed deeply and then gently placed it back.

He explained that it used to belong to firesage Zo – who was the head firesage when he was a kid. Firesage Zo had been very suspicious of his grandfather's last-minute will change, which named Ozai as his successor. He had wanted to wait for Iroh to return from the front and investigate the matter further, before he would agree to coronate Ozai. But he'd taken ill very suddenly, before his investigation got under way. He went home to recover from his illness – but disappeared enroute. But because heaps of people had been disappearing in the firelily valley area – it was dismissed as more bad-moon luck.

There was no way his topknot piece should be here. There was only one sensible explanation why it would be here.

We had the proof we needed.

-o-

Za Jei, Toph and Iroh were back at the house when we arrived back there. Toph and Iroh had been interviewing the imperial firebenders when they first got Zuko's message. Toph had actually got one of the imperial firebenders to crack. This imperial firebender had revealed (in exchange for a cushier sentence at Azulon's tower) that occasionally, when Ozai felt a very _personal grudge_ towards a person, he would wish to 'do it himself'. The Squad would grab that person at an opportune moment and then take them to Ozai's private vault and then they would 'clean it up' afterwards.

Zuko explained that we'd just been in that** horrible vault** and had also found proof of grave dishonours. He showed Iroh and Za Jei the box of Topknot pieces (we'd brought it with us). They flicked through the contents with grim and sombre faces – while Zuko explained that he knew the one with the big sun disc belonged to firesage Zo, but he wasn't sure who all the others belonged to.

Zuko looked over Iroh's shoulder intently, while Iroh examined all the different topknot pieces. I knew what he was looking for, but none of these pieces belonged to his mother. He sighed when the last topknot piece was confirmed as belonging to some other poor soul. I don't know if he seemed more sad or more relieved about this.

-o-

At least she hadn't gone out like that, his Mum.

I don't know if I can imagine anything more terrible.

-o-

Iroh and Zuko took firesage Zo's head piece back to the temple to inform the firesages both of his definite and tragic passing and the fact that they had found proof of grave dishonours on Ozai's part. The firesages could then start the process of officially removing Ozai's succession rights. Lady Za Jei took the other head pieces as evidence, and locked them up somewhere in the guard station for safe keeping.

Piandao and Jee started sending out summons for something called an extraordinary general meeting. Apparently these were really rare – the entire government got summoned, politicians, nobles, generals, firesages – everyone who was anyone had to present themselves in the great hall of the palace. It had only happened a handful of times before. But Zuko wanted to announce to everybody at the same time, that his Dad was crazy serial killing mofo and would no longer be eligible for the crown.

Sokka and I were helping send out the hawks. Because this meeting was happening so soon after the coronation, everyone was who was needed was still in the capital. Zuko wanted to have the meeting as soon as possible and just get this whole thing over with – so it had been settled for sunset this afternoon. Iroh had made a face, like he didn't think this was a good idea, but conceded to Zuko anyway.

At one point, I saw a glimmer of orange and yellow in the hall and I thought it was Aang – but when I went to check, he wasn't anywhere in sight.

-o-

Zuko and Iroh came back. Zuko was a bit shaken up after having to deliver the terrible news to the firesages. He'd had to tell Firesage Alla, who had been firesage Zo's neice. That had been really hard for him, and hard for her and hard for everyone really. There had been tears and dramatics and profuse apologies. She had been especially sickened by the thought that her beloved Uncle probably died right under the firesage temple, right under her feet, in those vaults and she'd never even known.

Zuko wasn't sure if he'd done the right thing in telling her everything. He was having a small crisis of Zukoness about. Uncle made him a big cup of tea (as _time and tea heals all _according to Iroh). I sat next to Zuko and made all the right comforting noises. He kept saying that he thought that it was better to know the truth, however horrible it was... but maybe it wasn't. Families should know what happened to their missing loved ones, but what if the truth was so unendingly awful... maybe it was_ better_ not knowing.

I put my arm around him. Such touches have become so commonplace between us, that I didn't really think about how affectionate I was being in front of Iroh and Piandao and Toph (who were also in the kitchen). I didn't even care right then. I didn't know what to say to make him feel better and I've normally always hugged him when I didn't know what to say to make him feel better. His hand came up and settled over mine for a brief second. He gave my hand a squeeze and I squeezed back.

Iroh was saying that he thought that Zuko had done very well. There was no "good" way to break that sort of news to someone – but Zuko had been compassionate, yet honest when he told Firesage Alla, and Iroh knew that Firesage Alla appreciated both finally knowing the truth and having it broken to her gently. Iroh sat next to him, on the other side and said softly, that if Zuko wished, Iroh could tell the other families. There was a small pause and then Zuko nodded. He said_ I'm sorry Uncle, I just...can't do** that **again today. _Iroh nodded with such sadness and understanding in his eyes. He said that Zuko didn't need to be sorry, and he should consider it done.

Iroh cleared his throat and then said delicately, that if Zuko wanted, they could cancel the extraordinary general meeting today and hold it tomorrow morning...if he wasn't feeling up to it. But Zuko shook his head decisively. He still wanted to do it this afternoon. The sooner it was done, the sooner this whole thing was over... until the next thing that is.

Zuko said that realistically, there were only a couple of days left before we left for Ba Sing Se and he didn't want his leadership to be in any doubt when that happened. It made more sense to make the announcement as soon as possible.

Besides, he had some things he wanted to say.

-o-

Well, it turns out he had **a lot** he wanted to say.

Zuko thinks he's not good at speeches, but he just gave the most amazing speech – off the cuff. He was speaking straight from the heart and people really responded to it. Maybe he's just better at giving speeches when he **really believes **in what he's saying. Or maybe he's just been feeling all these things for a while now – and he was just letting it all out. Either way, I've never seen people applaud quite like that before.

It was such an amazing moment for him and I've never been prouder. This day has been ridiculously and incredibly dreadful for him – but it's ended better than anyone could have ever expected. Even I didn't expect an outcome this great and I'm the biggest optimist I know.

The place was full to bursting with all sorts of posh looking firenation people, generals and politicians and firesages. Even people who didn't have an official position had come along. An extraordinary general meeting is such a rare event that everybody had come along to gawk. My Dad and Sorrak and Bato and Kuba, as well has a fair few earth kingdom people (I saw Teo and the mechanist and Haru and his Dad in the crowd) had also squashed in. Even Aang had come to join us. He'd appeared next to me, as silent as a shadow.

Zuko was wearing the full firelord gear (even that weird cape thing with the huge ass shoulder pads – the one he thinks is a bit ridiculous). He seemed nervous – but sure of himself too. Resolute. He walked on the stage, all stiff and straight and proud, and gave the following speech, in a confident booming voice.

_Almost a week ago, I was coronated firelord of our nation. I know some of you feel I don't deserve this job, that I have got in on a technicality – some of you feel that my father would be better suited. Well today I have found incontrovertible proof that my father did commit acts of grave dishonour – but I imagine that does not come as a surprise. _He paused here, and let that sink in, before adding in a quieter tone w_e all know what sort of man my father was. _He continued, sounding almost angry,when he said m_y father may not be a bender now, but he is still **a psychopath. ** _The speech he'd practised at home finished here with Zuko saying that his dad would be officially removed from the line of succession. But he didn't say that now (I guess Ozai being removed from the line of succession was a given).

Instead there was a large pause here, and then something like certainty passed over Zuko's face. He cleared his throat and then started by saying_ my father would continue the war, and I know that is what some of you desire. _Zuko then declared, loudly and with unshakable certainty that **the war hurt the firenation too**. _ We die by the dozens on foreign soil and** for what? **Some self aggrandising notion of our own superiority? Is that what we are dying for! _

Zuko said that in his opinion the war only proved that we were all not so different. There were some things that every single person had in common. All people bled the same. All people suffered in war. Everyone wished that their loved one would return home safe and everyone mourned if they did not. Zuko asked if anyone here could claim that they had not lost a single loved one in the war. There was a different sort of pause now- a sad little moment of mourning in the middle of a big announcement. There was such utter silence for a second – you could have heard a pin drop. Zuko took advantage of the moment and then asked _Do you think it was worth it? _in a soft and quiet voice. He asked this question directly to the firenation generals gathered. From the looks on their faces, in their hearts, the answer would always be no.

Zuko announced _I call for peace because I feel that this war is untenable, cruel, wasteful and pointless and has cost too many lives, and** nothing is worth that much suffering. **Some people think that halting the war is somehow dishonourable – that I am shaming the firenation somehow – but there is nothing noble in being a bully. There is no honour in destroying simply for destruction's sake. We have created an era of fear and hate in the world and we need to do our utmost to replace it with an era of peace and kindness. I believe there is nothing wrong with a life of peace and prosperity! That is what I wish for this nation and for the world. _At this, there was a spontaneous and enormous round of applause

Zuko seemed buoyed by the applause. He could have ended the speech there – but it seemed like he was on a role. He still had a few more things he wanted to say. This stuff was all mostly addressed to the firenation politicians. He seemed much more cross during this bit than he had been when he was talking about peace and kindness. Well not cross exactly, but more like fed-up. It seemed almost like he was giving them all one giant collective scolding.

When the applause died down, Zuko said that he was sure that they were all at aware of what had gone on this morning (firenation gossip being what it is and everything). He said, in a demanding tone, c_an I just ask if any of you were particularity happy under my father's rule? Did you feel particularly safe? At ease? Convinced that Ozai had your best interest at heart?_ There was another pause – this time there was awkward and uncomfortable shuffling.

Zuko said that his father's various underhanded tactics ( eg his tendency towards favouritism and cronyism, his demands for absolute submission and obedience and his ability to "disappear" people - to name just a few) had created a climate of fear and intense distrust in all the systems of government...but all that would stop today.

Zuko declared loudly that everyone gathered here could disagree with him about a great many things – and he was sure they would- and no harm would come to them. They could tell him, to his face, when they thought he was wrong without fear of reprisals. Zuko solemnly promrised them that from this day forth – under his rule - **no one would be punished for openly speaking their mind. ** There was very enthusiastic applause at this.

Then Zuko surprised everyone, even his uncle, by announcing that he was also going to ban that practise of Agni Kai in the government, also from this day forth. There was an explosion of conversation following this pronouncement. Zuko clarified his position by saying; _It makes no sense that we solve ideological and administrative problems with violence rather than reasoned arguments and hard work. We need to learn to solve our differences through open dialogue, compromise and co-operation. _There was what sounded distinctly like a murmur of agreement following this.

Zuko finished by saying that peaceful resolution had to start here and now, in the firenation, if there was an chance at having lasting peace for the world. Then he glanced around the crowd and it looked like he was eye balling a few of the politicians especially. He said (and he sounded a little bit pissed off now)_ If you do not agree with what I have said, if you do not wish to serve under me, if you do not desire peace, then that is fine –** go with Agni** – the exit is that way._ He pointed emphatically at the main door which everyone had entered through.

Zuko cleared his throat and then said in a more conciliatory tone, that he would take no retribution, it would not be seen as treason and there would be no shame in it. Anyone who chose to resign would receive their full pension and all benefits owed to them. _ All I will expect from you in return is your honesty and if necessary, your official resignation by sundown tomorrow. _There was a lot of unsubtle whispering in response.

Zuko had to clear his throat loudly to get their attention again. He promised sincerely that he was going to dedicate his life to helping the firenation and the world rebuild and prosper – but he would never **force anyone** to be a part of that. The nobles, politicians and generals now had a choice. Zuko summed up the entire speech by saying _Peace and change are upon us! You can either be a part of that or get out of the way. Those are your two options – the choice is yours. _

Then he bowed towards the audience and there was just the biggest eruption of applause. Undignified, loud applause. Applause that you could** feel in bones**. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but it felt like a sort of black cloud had been lifted from over us and the sun was shining down (metaphorically of course because we were inside at the moment.) But in all honesty – listening to Zuko just gave me goosebumps. It felt like, this now, was the moment he really became the firelord for these people. It felt like I had just witnessed something momentous.

-o-

Zuko hastily walked off the stage while everyone was still applauding, trying to look as dignified as possible. All dignity was lost as soon as he got behind the curtain where we were. He listened to the applause and made a** very excited **and **very dorky **face and said something like _ohmyagni – they're still clapping _with a great deal of surprise.

Iroh gave him an enormous hug and then held him by the shoulders at arms length and regarded him in all astonishment and asked him _where __**all that **__had come from?_ Zuko shrugged and seemed equally as perplexed and said he didn't know – it had just _come out. _He'd been planning on just announcing his father's removal from the line of succession.

But all day he'd been thinking all these other things about how the way things were done in the firenation **had** to change – because it wasn't fair or right. So many awful things had happened and nobody ever spoke out because everyone was so afraid of his father and he didn't want to rule like that.

Jee, at this point, bowed at Zuko, and congratulated him on speaking so well – and said something like he always knew Zuko had it in him. Offering people that chance to voice an opinion without violent reprisals would mean more to these snotty nobles than their riches – because all of them thought that their opinions were made of _spun gold. _

Lady Za Jei was less impressed. She had her hands on her hips and told Zuko, in a scolding fashion, that he had just opened and** enormous can of worms** and she hoped he was** ready to deal with the consequences.** What was he thinking of – pretty much inviting people to dissent? She huffed and said, very aristocratically, _honestly, you give these little people the tiniest morsel of power and it just goes to their heads like strong drink. _Jee narrowed his eyes at her when she said "little people" so dismissively, and it was only later that I realised that she meant everyone who wasn't born into the nobility (which included Jee, Piandao, many of the generals and a few of the politicians).

Zuko said that everybody _already was dissenting_ – but now they could dissent **out in the open** instead of behind closed doors. If they could openly talk about their issues with Zuko, then at least he would have a chance at fixing it. If they didn't have the option of speaking openly, it was no wonder that they took to _bitchin' in the kitchen._ ("bitching in the kitchen" is one of those strange firenation idioms. Perhaps it is where the colonies got their "get out of the kitchen and quit your bitching" phrase from.)

Zuko thought it was **better this way** – because he_ hated subterfuge_. Lady Za Jei made an incredulous face and then reminded Zuko that he was a ninja who had been especially trained in subterfuge. Zuko said _okay, I hate __**political **__subterfuge_ – by way of clarification. He reminded Za Jei that she had told him that people in the firenation only responded to strength and it took a lot of strength to hear someone out, even when you disagreed with them.

Za Jei smiled for the briefest flash at that. Then her scolding face was back on. She said that she hoped he appreciated how many more people she would have to bitchslap because of him. Banning Agni Kais would mean a rise in drunken brawls, and she had a low threshold of patience when it came to dealing with drunken idiots to begin with.

Piandao piped up in support of Zuko and said that he thought that Zuko had shown compassion, sound judgement and grace under pressure (Piandao likes all these things and rates them as highly as he rates courage). Piandao said that, in his opinion, the system of using an Agni Kai to solve every problem was archaic and barbaric and completely excluded non-benders from having a voice. It was high time it was done away with. It looked like Za Jei had something to say to that (possibly in defence of an archaic and barbaric system) but right at that moment Aang interrupted and cleared his throat loudly, and asked if he could talk to Zuko alone.

-o-

There was a slightly awkward moment following this request of Aang's. He gave everyone a bit of a fright because I think most of us had forgotten he was there, he had been so silent throughout the proceedings. Iroh regained his composure first and then started ushering everyone out (in order to give Zuko and Aang some space for this .conversation). He started talking about how we would have to celebrate Zuko first official announcement as firelord _properly – _back home_. _The others all got caught up in a conversation over the best means of celebration. I, however, carefully slipped behind and doubled-back. Yes, it was an unashamed attempt eavesdrop.

I'm not even sorry.

By the time I had got back, I had missed the first part of whatever Aang had been saying. They were sitting on the stairs near the stage, and I tucked myself behind one of the curtains. I tell myself that I just wanted to know what was going on with Aang... At lot of nervousness from the looks of things.

Aang was talking, mostly to his hands, about how he had been...relieved...this morning...when Zuko had told him to let the adults handle it...Aang had felt pissed off, but then he had felt **relieved.** This morning Aang didn't know what the right thing to do was any more...and he used to be **so certain**. But now he realised that maybe he didn't really know what he was doing as Avatar.

Zuko shrugged and said he didn't think that was anything to be ashamed about. He didn't know what he was doing as firelord either. Aang seemed surprised at this, after Zuko's big speech. He said that Zuko had seemed so in control and firelordly when he was speaking. Zuko confessed that he was just making everything up as he went along. Mostly being firelord was just really difficult.

Aang paused and then said _I've made it ten times harder for you when I choose to leave your Dad alive – haven't I?_ It was a rhetorical question, but Zuko answered anyway. Well he answered obliquely. There was no point in denying it, because Aang wasn't dumb. He knew what he said was true. But Zuko seemed to think there was no point in harping on about it and making Aang feeling guilty either. Zuko said simply that there was** no use crying over spilt tea** and **what's done is done. **

Aang looked a bit forlorn at this. Perhaps he had been hoping that Zuko would deny it and say that Aang leaving Ozai alive hadn't made things difficult. Zuko awkwardly put his arm on Aang's shoulder and said _look Aang, don't beat yourself up about this buddy. You're twelve- you make dumb kid mistakes. _This seemed to have the opposite effect to what Zuko had intended. He'd said it to comfort Aang, but if anything this made Aang look more wretched.

Aang said crossly that he really wanted Zuko...and all of us to **stop doing that!** We all had to stop treating him like he was a **dumb kid.** He was the Avatar – but no one treated him like it. Zuko never told him anything, Sokka and Toph talked to him like he was an idiot and I mothered him non-stop. Zuko snapped instantly _Oi- all Katara ever does is try to look after you!_

Aang seemed a bit abashed and then corrected his statement and said that I kept things from him too and treated him like he couldn't handle things. Zuko said _well you can't handle things! _in simple frustration with the turn the conversation had taken.

Zuko said quickly (and grumpily) that Aang could hardly be surprised that everyone treated him like a kid when he always acted like a kid and ran away from all his problems and let other people deal with all the difficult stuff for him – _You seem to think that your avatar duties are like a book – and you can just put it down and walk away from it when it gets hard and boring or you get tired. _

Besides Aang had just told Zuko that he felt relieved at being told to let the adults handle it. Aang **couldn't have it both ways **– if he wanted to be treated like an adult, he would have to handle some very adult things. Zuko sounded exceptionally cross when he said that "Aang couldn't have it both ways".

Aang said that he didn't want to fight with Zuko. He said it in a conciliatory tone. He explained that he hadn't wanted to make Zuko mad at him. He had wanted to **apologise. **Zuko was a bit confused by this. Aang explained, in a hesitating voice, _You told me that I would have to kill Ozai for balance and for the sake of the world... and I ignored you...and I shouldn't have..._(there was an incredibly long pause here)..._I'm sorry Zuko. _

Zuko was looking at Aang like he had grown a second head. I don't think he was ever expecting to get an apology from Aang over the whole lionturtle schmozzle. He didn't seem to know what to say at first. He asked Aang where all this was coming from, in a completely perplexed tone of voice.

Aang said that my Dad had explained to Aang that he had made a selfish choice when he left Ozai alive and hadn't thought about how his choices would affect others. Aang's choice affected Zuko the most – and so Aang had to apologise to him. Zuko said gruffly that he didn't want Aang to apologise just because he thought it was what Zuko wanted to hear. ...and he certainly didn't want Aang to apologise because Sir Hakoda told him he had to... nobody wanted a forced or insincere apology. Aang should only ever say he was sorry if he actually **meant it. **

Aang protested that he _did mean it _and he _really was sorry _and it was _really hard for him to admit he was wrong._ When everyone had been telling him that he had to kill Ozai, even all his past lives including Avatar Yangchen, Aang had been sure that everyone else was **totally wrong **and he would prove them wrong...but now he knew that he had been the one who was wrong. But he didn't want to be wrong, because that meant that **all the airnomads were wrong. **Aang sounded very depressed at the prospect.

There was a little pause, while Zuko looked around awkwardly searching for the words. Eventually he offered that it didn't have to mean that the airnomads were **wrong,** it just meant that they looked at a the world in a different way. Zuko said that just because airnomad teachings were wrong when it came to Ozai, it didn't mean that they were wrong all the time.

Aang brightened a little and asked _do you really think so? _Zuko said that he knew so. He explained that his dad was a psycho megalomaniac who wanted to burn the entire world – he was always an _exception to the rules._ He should've died – but that didn't mean Aang was wrong to be dedicated to the sanctity of life. If it wasn't for Aang's belief in the sanctity of life – Zuko would have died at the north pole, after all.

Aang smiled widely at that and seemed surprised – as if he had never before considered this. There was a short pause and the Aang told Zuko _I don't care what anybody else says about you – you ARE pretty smart. _Zuko didn't seem to know how to react to both the compliment and the backhanded insult and just settled for saying _thanks Aang._

There was a pause, but it was a companionable sort of pause. Zuko seemed on the verge of saying something several times and eventually he just launched right in and asked _look Aang, __do you want to know what I think your__** biggest problem**__ is?_ Aang seemed a bit curious and asked what Zuko thought his **biggest problem** was.

Zuko said that Aang was so used to only drawing wisdom from one place. Aang was baffled by this. Zuko explained that his Uncle always said that if you only ever drew wisdom from one source – it would become stale. As the Avatar Aang needed to draw wisdom from all the elements – not just air.

According to Zuko; Aang only ever thought about what the airnomads would do – and sometimes their teachings wouldn't have the right answer. Aang's **biggest problem** was that he didn't ever listen to any other point of view if it didn't agree with the airnomad teachings. Instead he tried to make everyone else see the world _his way. _

But the airnomads had been gone for 100 years and the world had changed a lot in that time. As Avatar, Aang couldn't just rely on centuries old teachings, he needed to understand **how the world work now. **Aang's role as Avatar would require dealing with all these different people and he needed to understand how to talk to them and be more diplomatic and he couldn't expect everyone to just agree with him all the time.

Aang nodded in agreement and then asked if Zuko teach him? Zuko waved him off and said that Aang would be much better off learning from his uncle, or me or sir Hakoda or Suki because Zuko was **really shit at being diplomatic**. (He'd just given a speech telling every single noble in the firenation to either_ get on the peace train or get the fuck out,_ after all).

Zuko said that the best advice he could possibly give Aang was just to try and** listen better.**_ If you really want to be a good avatar and be respected – then you need to learn to listen as well as you airbend._

-o-

That seemed to be the end of their little talk. I ducked out from behind the curtains and pretended that I had just come back to check on them (Zuko raised his good eyebrow at me – I don't think he was fooled). We walked back to the house together – and Aang asked me many questions about diplomacy (if I hadn't been eavesdropping I would have been mystified by this sudden interest on Aang's part.) He looked at me intently the whole time as if he was really concentrating on what I was saying.

We got back to the house and there was a small celebration going on. Hawks were pouring in through the big windows. Iroh greeted us at the door and smushed Zuko into a massive hug, before handing us all drinks and saying that tonight, there really was cause for celebration. Out of the ashes of succession crisis – Zuko had risen like a phoenix of good leadership. Zuko seemed a bit confused by this pronouncement and asked Iroh what was going on. Iroh ushered us through the house to where Piandao and Jee were compiling all messages the hawks. There was one rather large pile that had the majority of correspondence, one small pile that had a handful of messages and a third pile which looked like it only had a few missives.

Piandao smiled widely at Zuko and pointed to the big pile and said that these were letters of effusive support. They had obviously been written as soon as the letter writer got home – because some of them were quite gushy (well gushy for firenation people – which probably just meant more exclamation marks). Then he pointed at the smallest pile and said that this was the pile of official resignations. Piandao said that Zuko had taken a really big gamble today – but, by agni, It had paid off. He had shown the people who he was ...and they really liked it. Overwhelmingly, these letters voiced support and approval.

Zuko smiled, but then looked in confusion at the middle pile. He asked Piandao want that pile was for. Piandao looked a touch awkward and said Zuko shouldn't worry about that pile. Those missives were _quite rude_ and Zuko wouldn't like it. Zuko said that he didn't mind quite rude, as long as it was honest. Jee piped up cheekily _well they are letters of support that all honestly ask if you would like to join them for a __**kinky celebratory threesome**__ later tonight...seen as though that's __**your thing **__now...apparently. _Zuko made an aghast face and Jee shrugged good-naturedly and said _what? Piandao warned you that you wouldn't like it. _

-o-

later that evening Jee had busted into the good wine, for celebratory purposes. And much celebration was had. I think everyone was breathing a big collective sigh of relief that everything had turned out so well. Za Jei and Iroh were periodically talking about all the tactical things they could do now, to further cement support, before we all had to leave to Ba Sing Se, and Piandao indulged his weird drunken habit.

-o-

Piandao is a _tipsy sketcher._ Apparently he is a brilliant artist when he is sober. Piandao believes that all warriors need a creative outlet and painting and calligraphy is his. And he feels the most "creative" when he is a little drunk. Tonight he felt the urge to take a sketch of all of us 'heroes' because he wants to do a big ass mural somewhere. The details of where this big ass mural would go eluded Piandao at the moment -but he still wanted to take our likeness anyway.

Sokka was most interested in Piandao's drunken sketching and sat with him to "assist" him. By assist him, Sokka just meant that he would advise us all on positions to hold, our best angle etc. while Piandao did a quick sketch of us all individually.

I ended up being caught up posing for them for ages, holding my water in a big arc – while Piandao and Sokka got distracted with a drunken philosophical chat about the _transient nature of life_ and importance of _capturing the moment_ as time is_ so fleeting,_ goes by _so fast_ etc.

I noticed Zuko slip away from the celebration, unobtrusively, while I was holding the ridiculous position. I tried to go after him – but I was halted by Sokka and Piandao who told me to stop moving. I had re-assume the position lest the sketch be ruined. I splashed Sokka with my water in retaliation and some droplets when on the paper and the sketch was ruined anyway and I had to wait for them to do it all over again.

Boo!

-o-

As soon as I was realised from posing duties by the sketchy twins – I went looking for Zuko. He was a bit hard to track down tonight because he wasn't in any of his usual spots. I found him on the roof of all places. He had climbed out the top window and then on to the highest gable. He was just sitting there silently, watching the city light up. I cleared my throat and made a lot of noise as I approached, so he knew I was coming and I wouldn't give him a fright.

I settled beside him and asked what he was doing out here – I had been looking everywhere for him. He said that he had just wanted to be _alone._ Today had been such an _intense day_ and he just wanted some _space to think. _ I totally got that. Today had just been one thing after another. If he wanted to have a peaceful solo mope – then I'd give him some space.

Normally, when he's moping, I hang about and beguiling and poke and tease the truth about why he's moping out of him. But I didn't think I needed to do that right now. Today there had been so much for him to mope about ( Coup shenanigans, finding out his dad is an evil serial killer, then having to announce to everyone that his dad is an evil serial killer, having to give Firesage Alla the worst news possible, not knowing what happened to his mum, but knowing a truly horrible possibility, finding out Gloomy Hairbuns was spying on him, Azula in general, Aang in general – to name just a few.) Also he'd had people **in his face** all day – if he'd climbed all the way on to the roof to be alone and just think about things – then I would respect that.

I got up to go, but this seemed to confuse him and he looked up abruptly and asked _where are you going? _I was a bit surprised and said that I had I thought he wanted to be alone...he had just said he wanted to be alone. Zuko said _oh no, I can be alone with you here. _Then he seemed to realise what that sounded like and tried to amend his statement and eventually said._..I mean I like having you here. _I sat back down. We were quiet as we watched more city lights come on. The city looked so peaceful from up here.

We sat in companionable silence for a while, but I had a question about his most recent conversation with Aang and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I asked if he really meant what he said to Aang? Did he really think that Aang just needed to learn to listen better? Zuko smiled and shook his head and said _I thought you were eavesdropping there._

He said that he didn't know if better listening skills was **all **that Aang needed – but it was definitely a **start.** Aang had to learn to listen, before he would have a hope at solving all the world's problems. But Aang's lack of diplomacy wasn't really Aang's fault. but he was just so naïve and he didn't really know how the world worked. Even when he'd been living with the airnomads, he'd obviously been **very sheltered. **

I had to agree. I said that I used to think that it was my duty to continue to shelter Aang and protect him from how harsh the world was now. But I had overheard what Za Jei had said and now I was thinking that maybe sheltering him wasn't the best thing for him any more. I couldn't keep him coddled forever.

Zuko didn't seem surprised that I had been eavesdropping on that conversation as well. He just smiled slightly and shook his head and said I was_ incorrigible._ I'm not sure what he meant by that, but I think it must be a good thing from the way he said it.

He said that he didn't think I was totally wrong to try to protect Aang from all the ugliness and awfulness in the world. Aang's innocent and enthusiastic joy was such a rarity after all. Perhaps if I hadn't protected Aang, he would have lost that dreamy quality. I said that _Aang couldn't keep living in a dream. He had to be an avatar in the real world _– but I was starting to feel like I was arguing the wrong side of the argument. I am normally the one who advocated protecting Aang at all costs after all. This was a strange role reversal for me.

Zuko confessed quietly that he used to think that Aang would be a bit useless as the Avatar. He used to think that the way Aang carried on about _love this_ and _forgiveness that _was just pointless. It was especially ridiculous when it stopped Aang from seeing reality. Aang really thought that a combination of love and forgiveness could cure any disagreement – and in reality some disagreements only ended when **someone got bitchslapped.**

But whenever Zuko would try and point this out to Aang, he'd be treated to a lecture about the superiority of airnomad philosophy – and how Aang didn't expect Zuko to know any better because he was firenation and the firenation always wanted to solve problems with violence. This is partially true – given the fact than an Agni Kai was (up until today) a fairly common method of solving a disagreement. However I could see that Zuko would not appreciate me pointing this out right now and refrained from doing so.

Zuko said that it used to make him **beyond cross **and he used to think _who the hell is Aang to judge anyone for fighting for what they believe in when he runs away from anything vaguely resembling an argument? _And today Aang was admitting fault – and pure self-interest and petty vindication required that Zuko let Aang know how much he sucked...

but then Aang was so sad and so messed up about the fact that if he was wrong then the airnomads were wrong. And, in one of life's weird ironies, Zuko found himself defending the airnomad's indolent philosophies._ So now Aang has been encouraged spread more love, forgiveness and self-satisfied sanctimony – by me! And I'm someone who __**really should know better **__by now._

I said that I thought that Zuko had said the right thing there. Zuko smiled at me and said that he was glad I thought so – because he never knew if he was doing the right thing or just _going blah blah blah_ and **fucking up royally**. I said that he had been good with Aang. He hadn't coddled him or been dishonest with him, but he had clearly pointed out how Aang could improve.

I said that I thought that maybe learning about listening and diplomacy and politics was the best thing for Aang right now. It was definitely something we would need to work on, if Aang was going to be any use in Ba Sing Se.

Zuko said that he thought so too– but the hardest part would be getting Aang to listen and learn. Aang wasn't good with learning theory and things he found dull. I suggested that maybe we should treat it like teaching Aang a new bending skill and just make him practice it. We just had to be firm yet fair with him. Zuko agreed and said that firmness/fairness would be the best thing for most kids. It was tricky to find that middle ground with Aang, because he'd be brought up without much firmness, but it would probably be much easier when we have kids.

He'd said it in such an offhand manner... like he accepted it as just a given... like he wasn't really aware of what he was saying. Well he was certainly aware right now. I couldn't help myself. I blurted out _when we have kids? _rapidly in response.

I mean I'm not opposed to the idea...eventually. But we were not doing any activities that would lead to kid creation at the moment. Cripes, we haven't even snogged yet! I feel like we should snog before we agree to procreate with each other.

I feel like we should just snog already. By this stage, I feel I many spontaneously combust if he doesn't just kiss me soon.

Like seriously.

I'm not sure how much more of Zuko being _inadvertently sexy all the time_ I can handle before I just **launch myself at him – **Gloomy or no Gloomy. Today, when he gave his speech, it was deep and_ nation-changing_ and _history-making_ and all that...but it was also **as sexy as fuck.** I can sort of understand why some ladies saw fit to race home and send him rude invitations for _the sexy times. _

I'm not even rudely asking for the sexy times (I'm not opposed to the sexy times either – but I'm sure when the time comes for that, I will be** very classy **about it). I only want a kiss.

I'm not even fussy about the type of kiss now. I would kiss him in a box. I would kiss him on an ox. I would kiss him wearing socks. I would kiss him while sitting on some rocks. I would kiss him after picking some locks (because we are both unashamedly sneaking people and he knows it).

Unfortunately for me – none of that was on the menu. Instead a festival of awkwardness was on the menu. Zuko blushed bright scarlet and tried to "make it better". He started doing his awkward stammering/yammering/nervous babbling thing and saying that he had just meant when we had kids..in general...not when we had kids...together... and then he was blushing and I was blushing and it was all_ too embarrassing. _

Zuko seemed to think so to, because he took this moment to say _oh fuck it_ and buried his face in his arms. Then he said (it sounded a bit muffled because he was smushing his face against his arm) that I could just go ahead and **bash him with a snack tray **now.

I refused snack tray bashing – and said in a voice that was meant to mimic Aang's (I actually think this is the first time I have ever **taken the piss** out of Aang), _what is it with you firenation people? Always wanting to solve your problems with violence, when you could solve it with custard and forgiveness instead. _Then I gave him a light little tickle.

Teasing him seemed to move us along from that awkward moment. He looked up at me in surprise and I grinned back at him. He grinned back despite himself and muttered _you are so going to get it for that. _I said that _he was on _– but he would have to _catch me_ first. Then I ruffled his hair and ran away. He chased after me of course.

-o-

I ducked into the window, then out the other window and dropped down to the garden – he landed behind me a moment later. We fell so easily into our old sparring routine. It's just habit with us. We'd sparred last night and now we were doing it again. Now that he's better, I'd like to get back into the habit of doing it again every night. I've really missed it.

I thought that maybe it would be a good thing for him. So much had happened today and we hadn't really talked about any of it properly. I wanted to ask him so many things, but I hadn't had the heart to put those questions into words. Aang had seemed like the safest subject. Talking about how to help Aang was another constant. It was practical. It wasn't deeply personal. Not like all the other questions in my head. I reckon he wouldn't want to talk about his dad, or his mum or firesage Alla or Mai or any of that. Zuko's not good with talking about the things that upset him. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have things he needs to get off his chest. What he can't say – he's much better at bending out.

I know exactly how that feels. I was always taught by Grangran that ladies just had to grit their teeth and get on with their chores because _the nets wouldn't mend themselve_s and that it was unproductive and ill-mannered for a girl to bemoan her dissatisfactions with the world. I find it **so hard **to talk about the things that upset me with everyone else except Zuko.

Back on ember island, when we first started sparring and I was the one who was upset – I would just pour all my frustrations and disappointments and _just everything _into our sparring sessions. I didn't hold anything back. I think I only went easy on him once – (but he could tell and he called me on it).

Zuko was someone I could just_ throw_ all my negative feelings at and he would just _absorb_ them. I always felt lighter somehow, after a sparring session. He didn't judge me for being angry or cross or frustrated or unladylike or feisty and he always managed to say something or do something that made me feel better. Sparring with him became such a _release. _I thought he needed some sort of release, after the day he'd had. He definitely needed more than a quiet mope on a rooftop.

Sparring was a conversation between us – but one without words. He was telling me, through firekicks and sunblasts, that he was feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything. He was confused and fed-up and frustrated and so so sad. I was saying, through octopus-forms and waterwhips, that it was okay to feel all those things, and I was always going to be here for him.

Normally (if I'm not tickling him into submission) we fight about a medium distance from eachother. Both firebending and waterbending are best for medium range fighting after all. But tonight we moved closer and closer to each other until it was all _up close and personal_ and _up in __each other's business. _We'd fought for ages, tumbling around each other, limbs all akimbo. And it was exhilarating and sensual and all kinds of fun.

Zuko thought he was getting the upper-hand because he'd cornered me against the big willow tree. We were all pressed up together and I remember being very concious of the rough bark on my back and his big warm hands holding my wrists above my head. He thought he had me pinned and he asked if_ I would just yield already. _I said all the obligatory counter-taunting (I'll never yield in a million years! Mwhahaha – etc). And then, because I am **so wily**, I managed to freeze the grass under his feet so it was slippery as ice. Oh yeah – never tried that before, but I'm totally doing it again. It surprised the hell out of Zuko. He has totally crap balance on ice so it was easy for me to swirl us around and pin him against the tree instead, in a neat reversal of our positions. I said _would you just yield to me already!_

And then it was just the oddest moment.

He didn't say anything back, not even his almost mandatory_ I never give up without a fight mwhaha. _I mean he normally says something like that. But now he was stunned into silence and was just **looking** at me. Like he'd let me do anything to him.

And then it occurred to me how close we really were. It had become such close-quarters fighting and that always gives Zuko a big advantage because he's physically stronger. It would have been easy for him to push me off, but he didn't. Instead our bodies were touching..like _everywhere. _I was leaning against him and pressing his hands into the tree just either side of his head. Our faces were _so close. _So close that we bumped noses.

I should've kissed him right then.

But I chickened out – as per usual.

Wait, I shouldn't write that like it's a bad thing. I mean I could've kissed him then. I don't think he would have stopped me.

He **wanted it** too. I could feel it. (I could_ literally feel _how much he wanted it – our bodies all pressed up together and everything. I _know _that wasn't a scroll in his pocket). And at first I thought that I should just** go for it **and let the chips fall where they may.

But even though I could've kissed him then, some little cautious part of my brain help me back. (this part of my brain was still functioning and had not melted, despite all the hot sexiness. I wish I could give it some sort of medal of bravery.)

I still wasn't sure about where the situation stood with Gloomy Hairbuns (and I couldn't bring it up then because that would be **way too obvious**.) I didn't want to be the sort of girl who kissed boys when they had girlfriends who weren't me. I wanted to be the only girlfriend. I didn't want to be in competition with anyone else.

Also, even though I could have kissed him – I don't know if he wanted me to right then. I mean I know he wanted me to – but I wasn't sure if he **wanted it-**_wanted it. _He was confused and sad and vulnerable now and he'd just had an epically bad day. (I mean it had ended well – but it was **really shit** in the middle there).

Perhaps he wouldn't want to have to deal with kissing complications on top of everything else. Zuko's more open with me about everything. That's something special between us, I reckon. He lets himself show me little flashes of vulnerability every now and then – and this was one of those little vulnerable moments.

I didn't want to taint that or take advantage of that.

So when my nose bumped his (most of the _leaning in _was coming from my side of the tree – to be honest) I panicked and took a step back instantly. And then to try smooth it over, I said _I'll take your silence as a yes – you'll yield. I win. _My declaration of victory seemed to shake him out of his stunned silence and he got mildly protesty as we walked back to the house together. I don't know if I imagined it – but I think I felt his hand brush past mine a lot more than it usually does.

-o-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

La Rambles.

Lovely wonderful readers! You've reached the end of the L_ast Agni Kai! _Thank you so much for all your wonderful feedback on the previous chapter! You've given me a lot to think about! Seriously, I love hearing that you guys are enjoying this fic. Also I'm sorry for the delay in updates – I'm on prac at the moment and it is very time consuming, and so my writing time has been dramatically cut down. I'll still update as frequently as I possibly can – but these chapters might take a little longer. Sorry my lovelies!

Now with this chapter – YMMV dramatically on everything and that is okay. I know the start is a bit grim – but I didn't want to make light of what normally happens when a society has a high tolerance for people "disappearing". Oppression and free speech (that is actually heard) and diplomacy were themes in this chapter.

The title comes from the ATLA soundtrack. The track for Zuko and Azula's Agni Kai is called "the Last Agni Kai ". This is my take on why it's **the last.** I think that Zuko would probably ban Agni Kai's at a governmental level pretty early on in his reign. I think that after surviving three, he would never want to fight another one in his life.

I actually think that this would be a popular move – especially because it is a firelord saying it.I think the Agni kai was used as previous firelords as a tool of oppression (according to Avatar wiki, they were always the more competent bender and thus always victorious). We see Ozai use the Agni Kai as a tool of silencing and/or humiliating people (and I imagine Azulon before him would have been quite similar in his approach).

The system where every difference of opinion is solved with a duel is a prime example of **might is right **at work. Also the Agni Kai completely excludes non-benders from full participation (and it seems like a fair few government officials are non-benders). The firenation is in a process of an industrial revolution, with a rising middle class and many non-benders rising to prominence. It is modernising – and archaic things like Agni Kais would inevitably fall by the wayside.

Even though the Angi Kai has a long history – I don't know if it a cultural relic that many people would miss. Duelling was cultural way for gentleman to settle disagreements across europe, but dulling went out of fashion completely and rather rapidly. I think (but I would have to thoroughly check this so don't quote me on it) that England was the first nation to criminalise duelling. After it was criminalised, a fatality in a duel was seen as murder – pure and simple.

I think that Zuko would ban it at a governmental level – but it would be "tolerated" on a social level (eg benders engaging in Agni Kai outside of government reasons would not be prosecuted, but would probably get a big fine and scolding from Za Jei). Anyway, if the ban is effective immediately as of Zuko's speech, it does make the Agni Kai that he and Azula fight, officially "the last Agni Kai".

I think the firenation would need more encouragement of free speech if it is to advance as a country – and I think that Zuko is the firelord to do it. I think free speech would be his big "issue". It is something that he clearly feels very passionate about. He clearly sees how a lack of free speech can lead to unspeakable horrors. Also Zuko has been severely punished for expressing a valid opinion and this would reinforce for him, how necessary people being able to speak their mind without fear of reprisal is - because abscence of free speech creates a climate of fear and oppression.

Zuko decides very firmly that he doesn't want to rule by fear and oppression – and ends up announcing to all and sundry. This would simultaneously make Zuko both more and less powerful as a leader. He is giving up a lot of the tools of hard, iron-fist style power, in favour of the soft power of genuine popularity. This is a complete subversion of the Machiavellian behaviour of most of his predecessors.

As I said before, the firenation as an absolute monarchy, would have a cult of personality surrounding the firelords. One of Zuko's biggest problems was that the nobles did not know his personality very well, and were wary of him as a result. The second biggest problem was that in many ways he was put in power by Aang and he would be tainted by that to some extent (there would be mutterings about him being the puppet of the Avatar etc). In his speech, Zuko is both showing very much who he is as a person and what sort of leader he wants to be, and he is doing all of this completely independently of Aang.

He is showing his personality to his government – and they are responding. No one likes being oppressed, and no one likes having their loved ones die in a war (especially in such a long and seemingly, aimless/pointless war). Even though these nobles are at the top of the societal food chain (so to speak) they also would not have enjoyed Ozai's wild ride. Ozai oppressed everyone equally and their status did not protect them from his ire.

Zuko is promising an end to the war and an end to the oppressive practices of past regimes. He is giving them a brighter picture of the future and people are coming out in support of this potential. I actually think that during Zuko's reign, their would be a slow transition from absolute monarchy to a more collaborative approach to leadership – and this speech would be seen as the true start of that transition, and in many ways the true start of Zuko's reign. Because it is here that he fully accepts his role as firelord.

Zuko is a bit indignant when he gives his speech because he as found out how truly horrible his dad was. He can't believe that some people out there would prefer Ozai to him – would prefer to go back to to those days – rather than take a chance on him. Also I think he would hate the underhandedness and secrecy of it all. Zuko is someone who would prefer to know the reality of a situation and being stabbed in the front. (In contrast with Aang, who prefers wilful ignorance and feels a little persecuted/stabbed in the back last chapter.)

**Boogie-boy** (waves at bb) asked a very thought-provoking question about why I don't think Ozai is deserving of a second chance compared to Zuko/Azula/Iroh. Sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to you lovely, but I guess I tried to incorporate why I find Ozai irredeemable into this chapter. But YMMV of course :)

I think Ozai was one sick puppy. For me he crossed the moral-event horizon in "the storm." I just cannot have sympathy for someone who deliberately painfully disfigures their 13-year-old son's face. By burning half of it off in public. For political reasons and as a publicity stunt. Zuko/Azula/Iroh even when they are at their worst, still have some potential for goodness and growth there. But Ozai does not ever seem to regret anything – and therein lies my problem with him getting a second chance. He doesn't feel he needs a second chance because, in his mind, he has done nothing wrong. Also he was a brutal dictator and a sociopath. A second chance for Ozai is not giving him a chance for redemption at this point. It is enabling, not enlightening.

So Ozai has a messed up secret room that is the larger version of the cupboard of crazy evil and would have occasionally doubled as a prison for people he really wanted to punish. The Dragon catacombs are shown in "the avatar and the firelord" and are right under the firesage temple. they seem to be the place where the royal family keep some of its darker secrets. It's a good place for secrets and hardly anyone ever goes down there.

Ozai's wife dissappears and no one looks at it too closely. this tells me that bad shit happened to people around Ozai frequently - but he was a bit to wily to ever leave evidence. but he still would have kept something. It is common for serial killers to collect trophies from their victims, and so I have Ozai pinch their topknot pieces and hide them in his private vault. Ozai would have brought Azula down here for a few "special lessons" and all kinds of fucked-up-ness would have occurred. Azula's feelings towards this experience will be looked at next chapter.

In this chapter, Zuko had the truly heartbreaking job of breaking the worst news possible to one of the firesages. Firesage Zo had been missing for almost the exact amount of time as Ursa – and Firesage Alla's distress at finally knowing what happened, but having it be** so awful**, would have really struck close to home for Zuko – but that will also be explored next chapter.

I also take a look at Aang's black and white world view and why I find it so maddening. Bless Aang's cotton socks, but his tunnel vision and inability to listen when people are telling him things that he does not want to hear are** very real character flaws!** Especially for someone who will have to get used to a diplomatic role and negotiating.

Aang needs to learn to be diplomatic and listen and not just spout airnomad wisdom. Airnomad wisdom wont always have the answer and some problems can't be solved by being quick and clever. Also Aang is not actually that good at grey situations. We never actually see Aang deal with a situation where there is an argument and both sides have a valid point. But I don't feel he would do well. The closest we come is that "great divide" episode, during which simmering ethnic tensions are made ridiculous and are easily solvable with a little white lie.

Equally as worrying as Aang's difficulty with moral shades of grey is Aang's current attitude to conflicting views. As demonstrated by his carry-on in the finale, his attitude seems to be "no matter how logical what you all say is – I am the avatar and so your argument is invalid." I'm not trying to hate on Aang, but this is exactly what he does.

This is not good at all. He has to grow out of this and quickly, if he is to be of any use in peace conferences. In a way, I think that Iroh's advice about taking wisdom from the four elements is so much more relevant for Aang.

Aang needs to learn to listen, and see other view points and learn to take wisdom from different sources- not just for character development but just because it is really the most logical thing to do. He should understand the nations if he wants to have a hope at balancing them. Aang has been gone from the world for 100 years – he has spent this year training his arrow off – so I know it is a tall order for him to know the nations and their cultures and politics deeply, but this is definitely something he needs to work on.

Can I just ask what is with the Avatars knowing jack-all about how the world works? Korra's isolation and lack of understanding of the world is something that really puzzled me. Katara was there – why did she not teach Korra about the world? Any theories?

Aang's rigidity when it comes to his beliefs is why he is so devastated when he has to admit he was wrong about Ozai – he thinks that the fact that he was wrong about this somehow invalidates all the lovely, wonderful other bits of wisdom that the airnomads taught him. I know I bang on about how Ozai should have died – but I very much think he is an exception to the rule.

I'm a pacifist and I believe in the power of peaceful protest to solve a great many of the world's problems. But pacifism and peaceful protest will not solve ALL the world's problems. For a random example, Australia's intervention in East Timor was a crucial part of getting independence for ET and helping it become a sovereign nation. My support of the military intervention there does not negate my belief in peaceful protest – but it is an acknowledgement that force and action were necessary in that particular situation.

But Aang doesn't seem to get this dicotomy at all. It's like he thinks that if he acknowledges anything other than his dogma, or makes an exception in a very exceptional case, then the whole airnomad philosophy crumbles.* Aang here is giving up his absolute certainty – but I think this is for the best.

*Random note: I think this same phenomenon afflicts the canon-thumpers. It's why they cannot acknowledge anything problematic in ATLA.

I also have Piandao engage in drunken sketching because I wanted to give some explanation for Sokka's eventual obsession with painting everyone at the end – and I figured Piandao having sketching as a wacky hobby and Sokka emulating him was as good a reason as any. Also I wanted to explain that sepia picture of the Gaang as "war heroes" from the opening credits of Korra. In my imagination, that image is the end result of Piandao's big ass mural. It explains why Zuko and Katara are pretty close to each other in that picture. (Piandao totally ships it).

So Zuko and Katara have two meaningful conversations. One with words and one without words.

The "when we have kids" thing was for the delightful **lilako! **thanks for the suggestion lovely!

One of the things that struck me about Zuko and Katara when I first watched the show, is that even in their fight scenes, they are constantly communicating and are so intune with each other. Even when they are enemies - they are telling each other so much with their bendings and with their body language. In those first fights, neither of them hold back and they are very much eqals. I like that equality.

They get wrestle-y near a tree and try to pin each other against it as a vague way of subverting that whole "I'll save you from the pirates" thing.

The yeilding thing is because they are both such stubborn people, who have come such a long way. Being able to yield to each other is something that they would both find difficult (as it is a big show of trust/vulnerability and involves handing over control), but it is something that they are unwittingly doing for each other all the time. They just haven't gone there physically or sexually yet. Also I thought "yield to me" would sound vaguely dirty.

Oblique reference to erections is for **moonspirityang,** who asked me a million years ago to try and include Zuko's morning wood in this thing. Well, I tried. it's not morning – but there is wood involved (because they are up against a tree..geddit).

Katara also has a very dr suessy moment involving all the ways she wants Zuko to kiss her. It would have been longer, but I ran out of words that end in "ox" or "ocks."

Anyway I think that Zuko and Katara have great communication, even when they aren't talking. What they are communicating here is their mutual desire for each other. Even though Katara chickened out – Zuko understood her meaning (he's dense about girls, but he's not that dense!) how he reacts to that new found knowledge will be explored next chapter. Also next chapter – Zuko will meet Ozai in prison. Katara's sneaking apprenticeship will be outed – and there will be a shenanigans involving fathers and father figures.

Til then my lovelies...

PS I will write as fast as I can!


	12. Sins of the Father

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Sins of the father.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

This morning I woke up to what I thought was the most wonderful sound in the world; Zuko breaking up with Gloomy Hairbuns. Well, at least I thought was Zuko breaking up with Gloomy Hairbuns. I went downstairs quickly, and he was at the end of the corridor – sitting in one of the comfy chairs, talking imploringly to someone in the other chair. I heard the substance of the conversation and I didn't want to interrupt. Zuko was saying that he was sorry, and it wasn't anything against Gloomy Hairbuns, but he thought that they should break up because it just wasn't ever going to work out between them.

I was about to do the happy dance, when suddenly a brown hand reached up from the chair and gave Zuko a gentle slap. At the same time I heard Sokka's voice (he was talking in a high pitched tone that I presume is meant to sound like Gloomy Hairbuns) cry _oh you terrible brute! Yea hath broken my heart and now it is filled with woe. _Zuko leaned back and looked a bit grumpy and asked_ what the hell was__** that?**_

Sokka said that Zuko had wanted it to be _realistic. _Sokka was just getting into the role of a _woman scorned_. Zuko crossed his arms and said that scorned or not – Gloomy would** never talk like that.** Zuko needed Sokka to **stop taking this piss** and help him practice this. (This request is unlikely to be met. Sokka cannot ever resist taking the piss out of Zuko. Taking the piss is how he shows affection after all. )

Sokka seemed to shrug and then he said he thought Zuko would be an old pro at breaking up with Gloomy Hairbuns by now. Hadn't they already broken up like 282 times already? Zuko got a bit huffy and said, that for Sokka's information, they had only broken up four times. He still obviously needed help in the breaking up with Gloomy department– because the first four break-ups hadn't stuck. Zuko was fairly sure that he must be breaking up with Gloomy **the wrong way**. Sokka queried if there was a "wrong way" to go about breaking up. He asked what Zuko had said last time they broke up.

Zuko explained, a little awkwardly, that he hadn't really said anything. He had just...kind of... locked her in a prison cell and then ran away and let his actions speak for themselves. Sokka inhaled sharply and shook his head and said_ dude – that is cold! _ Zuko got a bit defensive and said _well I didn't know if she was going to turn me over to Azula at that point and you said I had to meet you in the prison yard and ..._Sokka waved him off and said that he wasn't judging – he was just making an observation.

Sokka asked what Zuko had said the other time he broke up with Gloomy then. Zuko answered (a touch awkwardly) that he hadn't said anything that time either. He had just written her a letter, before stealing a war balloon and coming to join us. Sokka scratched his chin and asked what Zuko's letter had said. Zuko said that it pretty much just detailed all the reasons why he was leaving the firenation, because he had wanted Gloomy to understand why he thought the war was wrong.

Sokka asked if Zuko explicitly stated why he was dumping Gloomy in the letter. Zuko thought for a second and said that he thought _"I'm leaving, probably forever. You should forget me and move on"_ pretty much implied a permanent breakup.

Sokka disagreed and he diagnosed Zuko's lack of explicit breaking-up words (going on about honour and the right thing to do and how Gloomy should move on didn't count) as the reason why all the previous break-ups hadn't stuck. Sokka's advice was:_ you should have said something like "Mai you drive me nuts. In the bad way." or "It's not me – it's you and we cannot be friends!"_

Zuko imitated the way Sokka had inhaled sharply from a few moments ago and then said _dude, __that's cold. _ Sokka said that he was just calling it how he saw it. Zuko protested and said that he couldn't say something like that to Gloomy. It was too...mean. And, according to Zuko, all break up conversations where you wanted to let the other person down gently **should** start with something positive.

Sokka asked where Zuko got that idea from. Zuko shrugged and said_ this girl in Ba Sing Se. I needed to let someone down gently and...look it's a long and boring and irrelevant story. _Sokka asked if it had worked then -the whole starting with something positive and then letting someone down gently thing? Zuko thought for a second and then answered _Well... not really – Je...errr...__**this other person**__ didn't react well and they're the only other person I've tried to dump. _There was a slight pause and then Zuko added, mysteriously, _My agni, did __**that **__blow up in my face!_

It was mysterious because he wouldn't elaborate any further on **this other person, **despite Sokka's requests for more information. Zuko just said (with some panic) that he just didn't want Gloomy to_ go nuts,_ like **this other person** did after being let down gently, and take to following him around trying to whack him with meat products.

What the hell?

Who is **this other person?**

Sokka was also immensely curious about these shenanigans – but Zuko said very repressively that it was a terrible and ridiculous and long story and he didn't want to go into it. Sokka kept cajoling for more details and eventually Zuko said that Sokka should ask him the next time he was drunk – because this story was far too embarrassing for him to discuss whilst sober. If anything, this has increased Sokka's curiosity (and my own!) but, by sheer force of will, he let the subject drop.

There was pause and then Zuko seemed to try and steer the conversation back on track. He said that he thought his original point still stood (if that point is standing, I think it is on very unstable ground). Zuko thought that the "something positive – then let someone down gently" approach was _just good manners_.

In fact, the greater someone was at the start of the speech the more dumped they were at the end of the speech. When Jin had broken up with him*, she had started with "_you're the best guy in the world_" and so Zuko knew he was dumped **good** and **proper **and **completely **by the end of her speech. That break up had stuck...but it had been a nice break up. Zuko thought he should follow Jin's example... and give Gloomy a nice, but proper breakup.

* I am confused – I thought that Jin was that girl with a perky ponytail who he went out with one time, but now it sounds like they had an actually relationship requiring a breakup and not just a fleeting/embarrassing encounter. Will have to ask him about her when I ask him about **this other person. **

Sokka said that Zuko should hit him with his "nice but proper" breakup. Zuko took a deep breath and then said _well, err..Mai... I just want you to know that I think you are the most fantastic girl in the world. _Sokka interrupted here to say that he thought that Zuko was **laying it on a bit thick.** Zuko reminded Sokka that the greater someone was at the start of the speech – the more dumped they were by the end of the speech. Sokka withdrew his criticism. Zuko practised going on about how great bloody Gloomy Hairbuns was and finished by saying that because she was so great – they had to break up, because she deserved so much better than him. She deserved someone who would love her properly, for _exactly who she_ _was. _

Sokka pretended to be overcome by emotion, and faux-sobbed _oh Zuzu, we'll always have fruit tarts. _Zuko appeared overcome by grumpiness and bopped Sokka on the head and complained that Sokka wasn't taking this seriously. Sokka said that he thought that Zuko was taking this too seriously. He was over-thinking it now – but he was obviously ready. Sokka thought that he should quit agonising over what he was going to say and just go over to Gloomy's house and friggin say it already.

Zuko thought for a second and then said that Sokka was right, and he was going to go. Sokka encouraged him in his endeavour, but then added _while you're out, can you pick up some fireflakes on the way home? We're out. _Zuko seemed a bit surprised that we would have run out of fireflakes already – but Sokka shrugged and said that he had made a few more batches of Sokka's secret sauce last night...for the road. Zuko made a face but agreed to fireflake fetching as well as Gloomy dumping.

I am very elated.

-0-

Well, needless to say, I was **pleased as punch **after over hearing that particular conversation. Everything seemed better and brighter. I was in _such_ a good mood. I was wafting about the house, not walking. Wafting and spreading my good mood to everyone. I wanted everyone to feel as happy as I was right then.

Toph had no appreciation for my wafting good mood. She remarked _what the fuck has gotten into to you?_ I didn't say **Love!** (though that was the first thing to pop into my head.) Instead I just remarked that it was a beautiful day. Toph raised one eyebrow and made a sceptical face and asked _what have you been smoking?_ I didn't reply **the fumes of love.** I just informed her that I hadn't been smoking anything, I was in a good mood. Toph said _fuck this – I'm leaving. You're weirding me out. _And then she buggered off to have breakfast with Rozin. Toph and Rozin are trying to make the most of their time now and she has been nipping over to his place every chance she gets. She is not subtle at all.

Rena, Rei and Rozin and their parents are heading back to Oyster Bay – now that the threat of imminent fiery doom has passed. They are bumming a ride with Zuko and Iroh in the airships tomorrow. I know that Iroh and Sokka had a long chat about ticket prices and patents and Sokka's cut of all airship proceeds – which would be a considerable amount of money - which then led into a conversation about the various ways that Sokka could spend his new found fortune in Ba Sing Se and the various Shopping districts that he and Iroh could go to. Iroh and Sokka have now almost filled the airship with heaps of **non-essential personnel. ** Mostly they are colonials going home to the various colonies en-route as far as I can tell.

Aang had much more appreciation for my wafting good mood. Mostly because he was in a bit of a sad mood. He'd just got back from visiting Ty Lee, but she had blown him off again. Apparently she'd had another** date. **This is plainly a brush off to me – because I _know _that she is meant to be spending today with Azula.

Zuko and Ty Lee have sort of divided Azula-time between them. They have alternating days. Today was Ty Lee's day – but I know that Zuko plans on visiting Azula later as well. This is the last day before we all go to Ba Sing Se and they have been trying to get her "used" to the idea (the idea that they are leaving her ** temporarily**, but will be back). They have had **mixed success** in this.

Aang and I went for a fly around the capital on Appa. Aang always feels better after a fly around on Appa. He seemed despondent over the whole Ty Lee thing, but he was trying not to show it. I tried to comfort him as best I could. I thought he'd be all mopey and maudlin about it. But Aang really surprised me and made me proud of him this morning.

I didn't know it – but this final brush off from Ty Lee marked some sort of turning point for Aang. Aang has now decided to move on from his love of Ty Lee – because it was obvious to him that she did not reciprocate. It hurt because Aang had really liked her and thought she would be his _forever girl._ But even though he couldn't have her as his forever girl, he had come to appreciate her as a friend. So he was going to try and content himself with friendship with her.

Okay, I am really glad for this change in Aang's attitude. Believe me, I am! But I am also baffled by it. Where has this new attitude come from? Why couldn't Aang have thought like this when he was infatuated with me? Why could he not content himself to friendship with me instead of forcing kisses on me and then acting pissy when I didn't kiss him back?

I couldn't help myself – I had to ask. Aang said that he'd had a long chat with Uncle Iroh about love and stuff... Aang looked off, perturbed for a second, and then turned back to me and said _Uncle Iroh's a bit rude about this sort of thing...I really didn't need to know that story about the twins and how one of them got the banana got involved. ..._twins and a banana? Words fail me. The mind boggles. I don't even want to know. Aang said that leaving bananas aside (thank goodness), Iroh gives good advice.

Iroh had told him what to look for, if he wanted to know if a lady-friend was reciprocating his feelings. Iroh believed that while there was a time and a place for honest romantic declarations, it was much better to have an inkling about how the lady felt on the matter beforehand. Iroh explained that if the lady-in-question did not return his feelings then Aang would be putting the lady-in-question and himself in an uncomfortable position by declaring himself. Aang should cease all romantic pursuit – if the lady in question did not return his feelings, because there was nothing more ungentlemanly that persistent, unwanted, romantic pursuit.

Iroh had said that Aang might have to content himself with friendship, if the object of his affection did not return his feelings. But friendship could be a wonderful thing to cherish. Iroh had also told Aang that, though unrequited love **hurt **at first, it was just part of _life's rich pattern. _Risking our hearts was just part of being alive, according to Iroh. And in all his years, Iroh had never met anyone who could honestly say that they had never been hurt by love - if such a person existed, then Iroh was certain that they were either incredibly lucky...or incredibly lonely.

So Aang had all that in his head, and he'd also been thinking about what Zuko had said about listening better to what people were saying, even if they were saying things he did not want to hear. This morning, when Aang was actually listening to Ty Lee, he noticed how_ uncomfortable_ she looked and acted when he asked her out. He noticed how she dithered when she was trying to find the right words to let him down. And it **hit him, **all of a sudden, that_ he _was the cause of her discomfort and he'd never wanted to make her feel that way. So he had taken his leave of her. Now, the only thing for Aang to do was get over it.

But he was sad because he had never met anyone as amazing and bright and shiny as Ty Lee. He really wanted her and it sucked that she didn't want him. But maybe Iroh was right and this was just a part of life. Aang was sounding like he thought he'd never meet anyone as bubbly as Ty Lee again, when this is ridiculous. The world is full of people, I am sure there is some girl out there who is perfect for Aang. I put my arm around him and said as much. I told him there was plenty more fish in the sea. Who wouldn't want a guy like him (err...aside from myself and Ty Lee that is). The prefect girl for him was out there somewhere. Etc.

Aang said that he thought he'd found the perfect girl. He seemed so sad. I kissed the top of his head and told him that he would find another perfect girl. (Well not perfect – because no one is perfect. But he would find someone perfectly suited for him). I said that I did not know as much about love as general Iroh. (I don't think anyone knows as much about love as general Iroh). But I did know that love never grew without a good solid base of friendship.

Maybe Aang needed to give it time and be **proper friends **with the next girl he fancies. He should try be friends with her before he bestows his heart upon her. I mean Aang just decided he loved Ty Lee within like...15 minutes of knowing her. How could he know her properly after 15 minutes? He decided he loved me after just a moment – and he didn't even _know_ me at all then.

I went on a bit about the importance of friendship and really knowing a person before jumping into something with them. I did not say this out loud, but I think that this is definitely true for me and Zuko. I never would have fallen for him if we hadn't become such good friends. I mean he is_ really, ridiculously sexy_ and he doesn't even know it! But that would not have been enough for me at the start. But it was like... the more I got to know him, the more attractive I found him and the more I came to love him.

Anyway I was in a great mood about life and love and the universe and everything – so I treated Aang to more of my sage wisdom on the subject. I told Aang all my new freshly formed views of love. I have been patient with Zuko while he mucks about with Gloomy – so I espoused the benefits of patience as well as the benefits of friendship. Zuko and I support each other really well – no matter how ridiculous the problem – so I went on about the importance of feeling supported by your other half and feeling safe and happy with them. Aang gave me a funny look and asked me if that's all I thought there was too it – love that is. I said yes, as far as I could tell, that was what love was all about. Aang seemed pleased with this news and smiled widely and hugged me around the middle.

It's not all there is to love. But I didn't want to go into all the other stuff with Aang. The intense attraction and the desire to just_ push someone against a tree and kiss them stupid and grope them all over_, would take far too long to explain. It would be embarrassing to explain. And if anyone was going to explain it, then I am happy to delegate the task it Iroh, because he is a **shameless, cheeky old man **who doesn't blush in the slightest when he says nipples (I am sure this makes him more qualified that any of us).

Also, I was going to be late for work and Aang was already late for Sifu Suki. Tardiness made Sifu Suki cross – so we hastened back. Sifu Suki has done many diplomatic dealings with various earth kingdom leaders. She is the best person to introduce Aang to diplomacy-earth-kingdom-style because she has already dealt with the earth kingdom in a diplomatic capacity as an outsider. We are also hoping that Suki can use her tact-fairy powers and bless Aang with more tact. Sifu Suki has accepted this challenge and I know she put a lot of work into planning her lesson last night. Like Sokka, she is also fond of having A PLAN.

-o-

Aang went off for his lesson with Suki and I ran up past Toph and Sokka – who were playing Pai Sho. Toph was sad because her breakfast had been cut short and Rozin had to go to his poxy grandfather's big family brunch. Sokka was saying that he thought brunch sucked – because it effectively cut out one perfectly good meal. Bitching about brunch was his way of trying to cheer Toph up. I raced past them, in a hurry, because I didn't want to be late for my final shift, and bounded up the stairs to get changed for work.

-o-

I ended up being late anyway. I had hastily pulled on my my uniform – when Zuko came home from Gloomy's and I overheard the most dreadful, horrible conversation. This conversation distracted me terribly and just killed my good mood **stone dead.** I couldn't see what was going on, but I went like this.

Sokka: Hey Zuko! Welcome back! How did it go?

Zuko: (dejected) not very well! (there was also a soft thud that I presume was fireflakes landing on a table).

Sokka: Oh fireflakes, thanks! (brightly)Well look on the bright side – at least it's done now.

Zuko: No, I meant "not very well" in that she tricked me and I didn't get a chance to do it.

Toph/Sokka: what?

Sokka: What about that whole "_the better someone is at the start of the speech __**the more dumped**__ they are by the end of the speech" thing_?

Zuko: Well I tried that! But I only got as far as "_Mai, I think you're fabulous_" and then she said "_Baby, I __**know**__ I'm fabulous_"...and walked away. And then she didn't listen to the rest of the speech. And then I got a bit lost in the conversation and ...

Toph: (indignant and interrupting – she is quite vocal in her opposition to Gloomy Hairbuns) so you're still together?

Zuko: I think so?

Toph: This is ridiculous! You can fight your crazy psychopathic sister, you can stand up to all those politicians, but you can't break up with one gloomy girl. What's the worst you think she'll do to you.

Zuko: I don't know...throw a whole bunch of knives at me. ...or cry...or both.

Sokka: You're making me want to cry and throw a whole bunch of knives at you -with your hopelessness at this.

Zuko: (defensive) Hey, has Suki ever gotten you to agree to something you normally would **never agree to do**, but she uses **girl logic** on you and then suddenly you're agreeing and you don't know why and it's all a little confusing... (there was a silence that Zuko took for Sokka's answer)...I rest my case.

Sokka: Ooh -I just had an idea. In the past you used to break up with her and then run away.

Zuko: (defensive again) I wasn't "_running away!_" I was helping us bust out of the boiling rock the last time and the time before I was leaving to join you guys.

Sokka: Whatever...look, you have a pattern. You break up with her and then... you make yourself absent. We are all going to Ba Sing Se tomorrow...so the easiest solution would be for you to march back over there right now and break up with her** again** and then we're all leaving tomorrow anyway. Sound like a good idea?

Zuko:(after a long and slightly awkward pause and complete with stammering/yammering) well, it sounds like a good idea...but I...err...you see...she used **girl logic.**...and it would be rude not to...it was an accident...fuck it...Mai's coming to Ba Sing Se.

Sokka and Toph:What?!

(There was the frequent thud of Zuko being repeatedly smacked upside the head with the fireflakes by Toph. I know this because Sokka protested that Toph might break the fireflake bag and Zuko protested soundly at fireflake-bag-smackage and saying that he could explain).

Toph: (forced calm) okay...explain!

Zuko: Well I didn't do it on purpose, but she had been angling for an invite and her whole family was angling for an invite and they were already coming anyway and if I didn't invite them – then knowing my luck I would just** run into them** perpetually. So it just made more sense to be polite.

Toph: (incredulous) That made more sense to you?!

Sokka: Wait, what do you mean they were already coming anyway – only people you invite are coming.

Zuko: Not anymore! (slightly accusatory) Not since you and Uncle decided to sell tickets on the airships like it is the fucking opening night of the Ember Island Players. Her family already bought the tickets and... Cripes... then her mother came in and just... her mother thinks that we are "like family" now and ...look,_ they were both talking at me_ and I got...confused.

Toph: (disgruntled) You're always confused. Just you wait till I tell Uncle!

Sokka: No, it's cool! We can still fix this. Okay... I'll give Mai's family a full refund. Then you can go over there, give them their refund, un-invite them, and break up with Mai. And ta-da! The problem is solved.

Toph: No, that solution is way too sophisticated for Zuko. He shouldn't be allowed to have these conversations unsupervised. You send him over to un-invite Mai and he'll come back..**.accidentally ****engaged** to her or some shit like that.

Zuko: hey! Give me some credit! I'm not that hopeless.

Toph: Not that hopeless!? You had **one job **Zuko! Just one job this morning! And now I have to share an airship with Gloomy Fucking Hairbuns and all her snide little comments about how I'm free-loading off you.

Zuko: Technically I had two jobs. I had to get fireflakes for Sokka as well.

(ominous silence followed by the a Toph-punch and an 'ow' from Zuko)

Zuko: (trying to change the subject) is Katara around?

Sokka: ooh she's probably left for work by now. She came rushing past a while ago, banging on about how she didn't want to be late on her last day.

Toph: Katara's going to be even more pissed off about this than I am, you know. You are so lucky she left the common sense stick back on ember island – otherwise, you would be getting a walloping.

Zuko: (failed attempt at aloofness)You know what Toph – I am very busy and important and I am off to go firelord now.

Sokka: But you're schedule says you're meant to be having lunch with Azula.

Zuko: Fine. I'm off to go have lunch with Azula.

Toph: Just try and **restrain yourself **from inviting her to Ba Sing Se too!

Zuko: oh shut up you! (stomping away).

Toph: He made a rude gesture at me – didn't he.

Sokka: oh yeah!

-o-

I am deflated. Crushed. Sad. And a little pissed off. I was also fifteen minutes late by the time I got to the hospital and received a small bollocking from Dr Yang (in medicine 15 minutes the difference between life and death etc).

I followed her for her rounds and we checked on many patients together and Dr Yang was quizzed me about their condition and possible treatments (I got eight out of twelve right – which is pretty good) as well as the seven medical uses of peppermint oil. It was mentally challenging and that was good because I didn't want to think too much about **anything else** aside from good, complicated medical things.

-o-

The shit hit the fan a short time later. I was back on rounds when one of the Nurses bustled over with a very urgent note for me that had just arrived by messenger hawk. The Nurse could tell it was urgent because Sokka had written **extremely urgent and very important! **all over the piece of paper. I unfolded it and read it quickly.

_Katara _

_Dad coming with me! Cannot dissuade him! I will try stall him, but you'll have to make yourself scarce. _

_Sokka_

**Shit, bugger, bollocks,shit!**

I stuffed the note in my pocket, told Dr Yang I needed the bathroom and took the opportunity to hide in one of the hospitals many, numerous linen cupboards. There are so many linen cupboards that I thought I could stay here, safely undetected, for the entirety of Sokka and my Dad's visit. But, alas, my luck being what it is, I choose the linen cupboard across from the examination room that Dr Yang took Sokka and my Dad too.

Because the universe hates me now. It used to only hate Sokka.

Dr Yang made Sokka sit down and then she braced his leg before declaring that she just had to get some bandaging supplies in order to reset the cast. She strode over and opened the door to my cupboard and was **surprised as fuck** to find me in there. She declared _Katara! What on earth are you doing in there? You were gone so long -I thought you were having some sort of gastric upset? _And on those poetic words, my secret apprenticeship was out of the bag. Dad had strode over at the sound of my name. He was looking over Dr Yang's shoulder and he saw me in my hospital uniform. He gaped at me. I gaped back at him, like a startled Gazelle-deer, in the lantern light.

I could not think of a single plausible excuse for why I was hiding in a hospital linen cupboard, wearing doctors scrubs – well at least not an excuse my dad would believe. No the only thing that could accurately explain this situation was the truth. Dr Yang looked between the two of us gaping at each other in surprise. Then she laid her hand flat against my Dad's chest and said _excuse me Milady_, and gave him a slight push backwards, and joined me in the linen cupboard – closing the door in my Dad's face.

She stood across from me in the small confined space and looked rather cross for a second. She put her hands on her hips and said _your father doesn't know about this apprenticeship – does he?_ But it was really a statement, not a question. She'd surmised the truth from watching the two of us gape awkwardly at each other. She's a sharp one, that Dr Yang.

I demurred about how I had been planning on telling him in Ba Sing Se – But Dr Yang waved in front of my face to get my attention and said she didn't want to hear any excuses. She pinched the bridge of her nose. Then she said _when I told you that "you must tell your father" - which part of that instruction did you struggle with? Was it the "__**you must tell**__" or was it the "__**your father"?**_

I demurred again about how I had planned to tell him in Ba Sing Se – But Dr Yang interrupted me again. She said that she had given me and very simple instruction..._If you can't follow simple instructions, miss silly-pants, that is going to be a problem for us further down the line. _She said miss silly-pants to be condescending, not affectionate. I tried to speak up in my defence – but this frustrated her further and she said _that's it, You're helping nurse Ola drain Lord beardface's back pustules. _

I protested that normally Nurse Ola worked alone (because draining Lord Beardface's back pustules is possibly the most revolting task in the entire world and not many people can assist for long periods of time before the urge to vomit overwhelms them). Dr Yang said that today, Nurse Ola would have help from me. Dr Yang thought it was high time I **learned about pus.** I stood indecisively for a second – but she opened the door to the cupboard, clicked her fingers and told me to_ skip to it! _ I didn't argue further, in case that made her even crosser and she came up with an even more **disgusting and unusual** punishment.

I walked out meekly and greeted my Dad, who was still waiting outside and had clearly been listening to our entire conversation. Dad was bursting with questions. Dr Yang rolled her eyes impatiently and pointed and me and said _oh and another thing – take that one (_She pointed at Dad here_) to the waiting room on your way. _ She was being supercilious when she said this. But I think she also said it so that I could have an opportunity to talk to my dad.

We really needed to talk.

-o-

Dad and I have now hashed it all out good and proper. There has been shouting, tears and hugging – which is fairly typical when it comes to arguments with my dad. See I was **so worried** about what my Dad would think and I really should have given him more credit. My Dad is not so much angry about the apprenticeship. He was far more upset that I had tried to keep it from him.

My Dad was pissed off and hurt that I hadn't told him. He was worried that I was developing a pattern of not telling him things (because I hadn't told him about Bato and Ming either). I said I didn't tell him things because I was so worried about how he would react. Dad just has...very certain ideas about what he wants for me and Sokka's future. And Dad is so set in his ways and his opinions. And Sokka and I both love him so much and we don't want to ever disappoint him. I felt so certain that he wouldn't approve of the apprenticeship and so I kept it from him, because if my Dad didn't support me in it, it would just break my heart.

Conversation moved on to the unsuitability of my apprenticeship...or the unsuitability of Dr Yang to be my teacher. Dad couldn't understand what I could possibly learn from her aside from** the fine art of being sarcastic**, which was something I already did pretty well. Dad pointed out that she was rather rude and overbearing with me and he couldn't understand why I would want to spend my time doing something like this. Especially because Dad knew about how adamant I'd been against healing back in the North Pole and how much I had wanted to learn to fight.

I said that had more to do with the North Pole's ridiculous sexism. It wasn't the healing I resented. It was the fact that Pakku presumed that was **all I was fit for,** simply because I was a girl. But I had learned how to fight perfectly. I became a master bender. But I was nowhere near close to mastering healing. There was just so much more healing to learn. I only knew the tip of the iceberg. I spoke out a bit in Dr Yang's defence and went on about how she wasn't so overbearing all the time...she had high standards for me, but that wasn't a bad thing. I liked that she had high expectations, because it meant she thought I was capable. She had taught me so much already. And I wanted to learn from her. I **really wanted** this.

I hadn't realised until I said it out loud to my Dad – but it's true. Irrespective of everything, I want to learn how to be a good doctor. I really want to help people. I want to extend myself and my bending in new and exciting ways and Dr Yang had just started experimenting with combining medicine and waterbending healing with me. I **want** to come back to this hospital after Ba Sing Se. I want to see if Zanna ever regains the use of all her fingers. I want to know the seven medical uses of peppermint oil.

I never want to be in the position I was in when Zuko was struck by lightning and I just felt so helpless and hopeless and I didn't know what to do. And that wasn't a one-off either. I hadn't known what to do to help Jet. I hadn't even known where to start. With this apprenticeship, I'll _never be helpless like that again. _I could just do so much good with these skills.

I got a bit soppy when I was talking to Dad about how much I wanted to learn to be a good doctor. I think it was all my pent up emotions spilling out all over the place. Dad hugged me and comforted me and told me that if this was what I really wanted, he would support me 100%. He said the Grangran's old saying to me. _Family should be the wind in your sails, not the icy sleet in your face._

Dad wanted to be the wind in my sails – no matter which direction I was sailing. He said it was not what he would have chosen for me, but I had always known my own mind and he would respect my wishes. Dad said that if I thought that this would make me happy, then I had his blessing. _Nothing in the world mattered to him as much as my happiness._

We hugged and I cried, then he cried and we made a soppy spectacle indeed.

-o-

I dropped Dad in the waiting room and then went to drain pus. After pus-draining (gah – so gross) had finished, I went back to find Dr Yang. I found her with Dad, arguing in the corridor in front of Sokka's room. Dad had broken her_ wait in the waiting room _directive and had wanted to talk to her. An argument had ensued.

They were both talking loudly over each other and it was just gabbled noise that I couldn't make out. My Dad got a bit fed up and put two fingers in his mouth and whistled piercingly loud. My Dad said that he thought that they had gotten off on the wrong foot. He wanted to start this conversation over from the beginning. He had a point to make and he would appreciated it if Dr Yang could hear him out. Dr Yang rolled her eyes, but nodded.

Dad started by saying, in a conciliatory tone, that he hadn't meant to push her buttons. Dr Yang interrupted and said _oh you __**could not **__push my buttons if you tried! I want you to think of me as button-less. _ I don't know if it is just because I have** sex on the brain** lately, but there seemed to be an unnecessary amount of innuendo in the way she said that.

Dad got a bit frustrated and asked _Are you trying to make my head explode? I know you're from the firenation and you probably can't help it, but I don't think you realise how frustrating you really are. _Dr Yang crossed her arms and said, sardonically, that my Dad probably didn't realise that he needed to get out of her face in the next three seconds, lest he try the very last millimetre of her patience with him. Once that last millimetre was gone, he would be able to write a book entitled **Help! Some enraged lady Doctor just shoved her stethoscope up my arse: the Hakoda story. **

Dad said _listen Super-doc – this is about my daughter! If you don't hear me out about this, then I will break you down into so many little pieces that not even my my mother-in-law, who does icepuzzles for fun, will be able to put you back together again. _For some odd reason, this seemed to work. Dr Yang rested back on her heels and shrugged and said that by all means, my Dad could feel free to express whatever paternalistic and condescending crap he wished to impart.

Dad said that he had just wanted to tell Dr Yang that he totally got the whole **"iron-lady"** thing that she had going on. She didn't take any crap and he respected that. But he just wanted to make sure that she realised that I _wasn't an iron lady._ I was soft-hearted and really just wanted to help people. He knew that working in a hospital would be really tough on me, and he knew that when things got hard, I would look to Dr Yang – hell, I already looked up to her. Dad took a step closer to her and said _can do me a favour and take that responsibility seriously and stop being such a hard-arse with her. You treat my daughter __**fairly **__otherwise you'll have to answer to me. _

Dr Yang took a step back and gave my Dad a long look; like he was a patient that has shown a surprising symptom and she was re-evaluating her diagnosis. Then she nodded and simply said _okay._ Dad seemed satisfied with that and said, _well okay then. _There was slightly awkward pause and then Dad said that he was _glad they had this talk _ at the same time that Dr Yang said Sokka's _cast is probably set by now _ and they walked into Sokka's room together.

I joined everyone in there. Sokka's leg was setting well, but he would still need to wear the cast for at least another two months (broken legs take **the longest time** to heal). But his new cast was more streamlined and would be better for walking around the place. This pleased Sokka, who longs to be properly up and about again. Dr Yang smiled at that and painted a racing stripe down the front of cast 'to make it go faster.' Then Sokka and my Dad could go.

Dad and Dr Yang had an odd moment at the door. Dad thanked Dr Yang for everything and bowed to her. She bowed back and then she said _good luck in Ba Sing Se. _They both smiled at each other then and it was** really weird** for me to see them getting along so well.

-o-

Dr Yang let me rejoin her on rounds after my Dad had left and didn't assign me any other gross tasks as punishment – so I guess I am forgiven for not telling Dad earlier. At the end of my shift, she took me to the kitchen and made us a cup of tea. We had a small chat about the apprenticeship and how everything was going.

Dr Yang was pretty honest with me. She gave me her evaluation. She said that my greatest asset was how clever I was. I was obviously bright and I had come a long way in a short amount of time. My biggest weakness was how involved I got with my patients. I obviously got far too attached to them. She gave me an assessing look and said y_ou're good – but you could be __**great**__ if you keep working at it._

She had a bit more to say, but we were interrupted at that point by Uncle Iroh. He popped his head in and said that he was sorry to interrupt, but he just wanted to know if I had seen Zuko at all this afternoon. I told him I hadn't. Iroh seemed simultaneously disappointed and annoyed by this news. Then he saw the tea and decided he needed a bracing cup, before he continued his Zuko search.

Dr Yang remarked, with a quirk of her eyebrow, that Iroh should consider getting a bell for Zuko – like the ones on the collars they made up for cats. Iroh just had to make sure he could get two fingers under the collar. That was important. Iroh, for once, didn't seemed pleased at her wit and looked even more worried. Dr Yang said, in a softer tone of voice, that Zuko had always been _prone to absconding._ But he always came back. Iroh shouldn't worry, just because he didn't know where Zuko was right at this particular second.

Iroh muttered into his cup, that he already had a fairly good idea where Zuko was. That was why he was so worried. He said knew it was a long shot that Zuko would be anywhere else instead of where Iroh thought he was. Then he huffed _he always does this to me! I tell him that I think something is a terrible and stupid and bad idea and he develops selective deafness. _Dr Yang quirked her eyebrow again and said that selective deafness did run in their family – but alas, there was no known cure.

I asked what had happened, with some concern. Iroh was acting worried, and he almost never acted worried. Iroh said that Zuko had gotten back from visiting Azula and had wanted to go see Ozai this afternoon. Iroh was sure that Azula had put him up to it (and this greatly decreases the suggestion's value in Iroh's eyes). He was sure it was a terrible and bad idea. He was sure that Ozai would still be a** bastard coated bastard with bastard filling** and no good could come from Zuko seeing him.

He had told Zuko all this. Zuko had said that he saw his Uncle's point...but had then mysterious disappeared half an hour later. No prizes for guessing where he went. Since then, Iroh had checked around at all the other places Zuko could be, but had now come to the dire conclusion that, once again, Zuko had ignored his Uncle's sensible advice – even though Uncle Iroh has **always been right about these things. **

-o-

Uncle Iroh was right. It went badly.

My shift was finished and Dr Yang let me go home with Iroh. Iroh and I were playing a game of Pai Sho (to fill in the time) when Zuko came back, stomping very angrily. Uncle Iroh stood up with a start, and asked Zuko what had happened, in a really worried tone. Zuko had been trying to keep his composure, but it cracked at that point, and he choked out that he _couldn't talk about it right now_ and he practically fled down the hall. His voice was raw with an emotion that I couldn't quite decipher.

Uncle Iroh and I exchanged a worried glance, then I started after Zuko. Iroh took my elbow and counselled me against going after Zuko at the particular moment. He said _I know my nephew. I think he would appreciate some__** time alone**__ right now._ I said that I was just going to go and check on him anyway. If he didn't want to see to me, that was okay – but I was still going to check.

Zuko had slammed to door to his room, so I went there first. I tapped on the door and got a_ go away Uncle!_ in response. I told him it was just me. There was a beat and then he said _ Katara, I don't want to talk about this __**okay.**_ I paused for a second and then said that was okay. That was fine. We didn't have to talk. But could I come in at least? There was a pause and then he snapped _I don't need you to come in! _ I tried to open the door anyway. He snapped _oh for once in your life can you just __**leave me alone**__! _in response to my door jiggling.

I felt a twang on a rarely played string. I was surprised by how much it stung actually. He said it with so much venom and disdain. I just haven't heard that tone from him in so long and it really caught me off guard. He hasn't ever really snapped at me quite like that. I felt so rejected. It really hurt. It hurt so much that I had to strike back. I ended up snapping back _fine! I'll leave you alone! _ in retaliation.

I went back and sat with Iroh at the Pai Sho table. He gave me a rueful sort of look, and said gently _my dear, when you go close to an angry tigerdillo- you will most likely get scratched. _ I knew he meant well - I just thought me and Tigerdillo had moved past this point.

-o-

We were in the middle of that game, when Gloomhy hairbuns came along to make everything **crappy and terrible.** She was striding quickly - in what passed as high dudgeon for her. She almost strode right past Iroh and I without acknowledging us. She saw us at the last minute, and then asked abruptly where Zuko was.

Oh, she sounded pissed off.

I'm getting better at figuring out her Gloomy moods. Iroh said that he was in his room, but he was very busy. There was a not-so-subtle _so he can't see you right now, _in the way Iroh said that. But Gloomy ignored that and went down the hall to see Zuko. Iroh and I followed. Iroh was saying _look he really is very busy. _But Gloomy replied _whatever, he's always busy. _Iroh frowned at her back.

Gloomy knocked on the door sharpely and said_ Zuko are you in there?_ In a tone that reminded me strongly of the way Gran-gran used to call Sokka when the seal jerky went missing. Eventually we all heard a sullen _yes _from inside the room. Gloomy sighed and rolled her eyes and asked _are you moping in there? You know how I __**hate it **__when you mope. _Zuko said _look Mai, whatever this is about – now is not a good time. _Mai sighed again and said _oh angi, you are moping!_ in a slightly accusatory tone.

Then she said very sternly and impatiently _Look,whatever your damage is now, I need you to get over it. Just spank your inner moppet, suck it up and get it together and talk to my dad. _ Zuko said W_hat! Why do I need to talk to your dad! _with a great deal of indignation.

Gloomy said that he needed to talk to her dad – because her dad had just up and decided to resign – all because of Zuko's speech yesterday. According to Gloomy; her father's resignation was all Zuko's fault. Because it was Zuko's fault – it was now **his responsibility to un-fuck the situation. **

There was a terrible pause. Iroh looked like he was having kittens beside me. He'd been frantically making **shut-up** gestures at Gloomy the whole time she'd been talking. But strangely – Gloomy's uber-bitchy attitude worked. Zuko opened the door (after a few moments) and came out and said _fine – I'll talk to him. Where's your dad? _

-o-

Okay – he won't talk to me** at all **and sends me away and snaps at me unkindly, even though I was super nice and super caring and I just wanted to help him. But Gloomy just brazenly stomps in with her I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck-About-Your-Feelings attitude and tells him to "spank his inner moppet and suck it up" and fix something for her... and he comes out of the room to help her out.

How does that even work?!

What does **spank your inner moppet** even mean? At first I thought it was a double-entrendre for wanking – but that does not make sense in the context of this conversation.

It's just so unfair.

I'm the **nice one** out of me and Gloomy – and yet I am the one who gets snapped at!

-o-

Gloomy's Dad came with Gloomy only a couple of minutes later. So he must have been waiting close by. He was a tall and thin and serious looking, like his daughter. Zuko and Gloomy's Dad went into the office. I eavesdropped (as you do). I just wanted to know what was going on with him. Gloomy also wanted to eavesdrop. She came round the corner and seemed a bit surprised to find me in the little nook. I was a bit surprised to see her too...but then again not really. Of course she would want to know what was happening between her dad and her boyfriend (even though she treats her boyfriend like crap).

But still...it was really friggin awkward.

It was like what I imagine running into someone in a strip club would be like. Neither of you are **meant** to be there and excuses are pointless. Gloomy held her finger to her lips (I don't need you to tell me to be quiet Gloomy!) and squashed into the nook with me.

Okay, this is really weird to write – but Gloomy smelled really nice. She was all squashed next to me and she's tall as a friggin mooselion, so she took up most of the space and her Gloomy smell was everywhere. Whatever perfume she was wearing was very pleasant. It was surprisingly floral.

Maybe Zuko likes her floral smell.

Maybe that's what he sees in her.

Would he just kiss me already if I smelled like a spring garden?

But he would have to apologise for snapping at me now – before I would let him kiss me. Because that really stung.

Anyway, Gloomy smell aside – her Dad and Zuko actually had a nice conversation. Gloomy's Dad was saying that he _appreciated_ Zuko seeing him, but he did not see what there was to talk about. Zuko agreed, but said that Gloomy had thought a talk with Zuko would change her dad's mind. Gloomy's Dad said that he **wasn't changing his mind** firmly. Zuko said that he respected Gloomy's dad's honesty abruptly. Then he tried to end the meeting and offered to Show Gloomy's Dad out.

It sounded like there was a slightly awkward pause...then Gloomy's Dad said _I'm not changing my mind, but I just want you know that my resignation is __**nothing personal **__against you...it's just politics. _Gloomy's Dad said that he had really liked Zuko's speech yesterday – and it had prompted him to resign. But not for the reason that Zuko thought.

Gloomy's Dad obviously felt the need to explain himself. He said that when Zuko had talked yesterday about how people could now resign without shame or retribution, it had lit a fire in Gloomy's father's head. He had been in politics for the status and the money because he thought that both those things would protect him and his family.

But all of that came to naught in the end and Gloomy's whole family had ended up in prison. Zuko started apologising for the whole_ getting them locked in prison thing_, but Gloomy's father quickly said that Zuko had nothing to apologise for. Gloomy's father sees the whole _prison thing_ as his fault. His choices and his career led his family to that fate.

Gloomy's father said that while it had been awful at the time, in hindsight it was probably a good thing. It had certainly **sorted out his priorities** for him. For so long he had been putting his job and his duty to Ozai first – and all of that didn't mean _shit_ in the end.

In prison he realised how much he loved his family, but _how little he knew them_. His children had been _growing up without him_ and Gloomy's dad did not want that any more. He was going to put his kids first. He wanted **out. **He was **done **with politics. He had made his decision and nothing Zuko said would change that.

Zuko asked, sounding slightly amazed, what Gloomy's father would do now. Gloomy's father said that he was going to go and work for his cousin's fireflake factory instead. Earth Kingdom relations. Gloomy's Dad was good at that. Now that it was peacetime, his cousin wanted to expand into the big earth kingdom cities. It was a cushy job. It would give Gloomy's dad more time to spend with his family. And there would be no one to fuck him over.

Zuko didn't seem to have much to say to that. He didn't seem at all inclined to try and convince Gloomy's Dad to stay on, which I think was what Gloomy had hoped for. Instead he said that the fireflake factory sounded nice and he wished Gloomy's Dad_ all the very best._ I think they must have bowed at each other because there was a slight pause before Gloomy's Dad said _you too, Firelord Zuko. _

-o-

Gloomy wanted to hang about and chat to/harangue Zuko, but it appeared that Gloomy's Dad's idea to spend more time with his family was **starting right now.** Gloomy's Dad is a little bit like my Dad when it comes to "family time". There is absolutely no escape! Gloomy's Dad wanted to have some "family time" with Gloomy, and by golly, Gloomy was going to have some sort of confectionery and an awkward conversation with him, whether she wanted to or not.

Gloomy's Dad tried to beguile her with the promise of her favourite ice-cream. He'd buy her whichever flavour she wanted and she could have as many scoops as she liked. Gloomy was suspicious of his ice-cream offer. Her Dad said that he really wanted to spend some time with her. Something weird happened to Gloomy's face right then. It was like a smile... but not. Like all of Gloomy's facial expressions, it was only there for an instant. But for that tiniest fraction of a second where she was smiling at her dad, she looked ..almost pretty.

Her Dad offered her his arm, and she looked incredulously at him. She cast Zuko an almost uncertain glance. Zuko gave her an encouraging smile and made a little shooing gesture – as if he was saying through gestures that she should go off and have a nice afternoon with her Dad. Gloomy turned back to her Dad and took his arm, and they walked off together in search of ice-cream and family bonding.

-o-

Iroh also seemed to want to follow Gloomy's Dad's example and take Zuko out for something delicious with a side of family bonding– or they could stay in and have tea and a side of family bonding. Iroh was fine with either. But he **just really wanted to talk with Zuko. **Zuko thanked his Uncle for the offer, but said it would have to wait until he had got back from seeing Azula. He'd promised her that he would go over and tell her how everything had gone with their dad as soon as he got back. But he was now ridiculously late and she'd be worried. Iroh said _oh no – we cannot have Azula worried!_ in a tone that I thought was slightly sarcastic. About five minutes after Zuko had left – Iroh also buggered off. All he would say to me was that he had some "pressing business to attend to."

-o-

I went over to the Watertribe house, to see how my Dad and all the others were going with packing and with everything really. Dad was really pleased that I had come over to help of my own volition. I have previously been avoiding the water tribe house a little bit. But I was feeling a bit out of sorts and I was sure that time with dad and Sokka would put me to rights again. Especially now that my apprenticeship is out in the open and Dad and I have had such a nice talk. I ended up helping with packing and staying for dinner.

Ming came around shortly after I did, to see Bato. She was short of breath and still in her work uniform. Bato was a bit excited and surprised to see her because her shift wasn't meant to finish for another two hours. Ming said that the firelord had given her the rest of the afternoon off. Ming had only mentioned in passing how excited she was about seeing Bato tonight. But suddenly Zuko told her that he and Ty Lee could both stay until the night shift started, if she wanted to spend more time with Bato as it was the last day before Ba Sing Se. Bato didn't need reminding that it was his last day with Ming. He looked positively **wretched **when she mentioned Ba Sing Se and their imminent seperation. But at least they can now make the most of the afternoon.

Over dinner Dad wanted to talk a bit about the Northern Water Tribe and Ba Sing Se. Chief Arnook had written to Dad frequently. Arnook wanted to northern and southern tribes to present a united front under him – as he was the leader of the bigger tribe and was already in Ba Sing Se. Dad disagreed with chief Arnook and an exchange of passive-aggressive letters was had.

There was a bit of muttering. The menfolk aren't huge fans of the Northern Watertribe because they consistently refused to help us out at all - prior to this year. Throughout all the raids and **everything,** the North had never sent any supplies or anyone at all to assist us. Also Dad finds all the messages that he gets from Northerners (like Arnook and Pakku) to be slightly condescending and patronising.

However, presenting a united front with the North would increase our bargaining power and presence at Ba Sing Se. The Watertribes are both smaller nations compared to the Earth Kingdom and the Firenation and there is a danger that our needs will be overlooked by the bigger nations during negotiations. Dad did not like or trust the Northern Water Tribe all that much and felt like the Northerners saw us as poor cousins to be pitied rather than as equals. My Dad hates that. Dad wanted to see how everyone felt about presenting a united front with the North, despite our differences.

There was a bit of arguing, but eventually we reached a consensus. We would stand with the north, but we would not let them dictate to us. We would also proudly demonstrate our unique tribal culture and show our Southern Tribe pride. We would sport the turbulent sea emblem of the south (rather than the crescent moon and calm sea emblem used by the north) and favour light blues over the dark hues of the North.

After that was settled, Sokka and I left. I needed to pack my own bag. Sokka had already finished packing his bag (because he is organised and has good time management and keeps an eye on the schedule and blah blah blah). Sokka wanted to go canoodle with Suki, as they wont get a chance tomorrow night. Suki is staying with the Kyoshi warriors and they are all going on the airships – because there are too many of them for Appa. Sokka views the prospect of a night without Suki the same as he would view a night without dinner – with dread. I pointed out that at least he and Suki would only be apart for one night. The Airships go fast, but nowhere near as fast as Appa and will arrive a day later than we will – according to Sokka's maths. Bato and Ming wouldn't see each other for the whole of the peace conference.

I went home and started packing rather frantically, in a last-minute induced rush of panic. I was going through all my clothes and realising how few of them fit more properly any more. I've grown a lot in a year. Not as much as Sokka, but still. I am taller and my boobs are..._more present. _And all my South Pole stuff is a bit too small for me now. They are also a bit too raggedy for a big important peace conference. I wanted to look nice in Ba Sing Se. I made a mental note to try and get some time to a few more clothes in Ba Sing Se. If I can find some blue-tinged earth kingdom dresses, then that would be an easy solution. It would still be our colours after all.

-o-

So Iroh just got a **big bollocking** from Dr Yang. She had just gotten back from the prison. It turns out that Ozai has gotten two visitors today. (He's never been more popular). It appears that Iroh's pressing business was going to visit Ozai. Ozai has since gotten what sounds like a** bit of a walloping** from Iroh. I am so used to Iroh being the kindly and wise figure, that the idea of him just **going to town** on someone (even if that someone is Ozai) is just a bit jarring for me.

Dr Yang got called over to the prison to treat Ozai – on her night off. She lamented the loss of her night off keenly and felt the need to share this with Iroh, Iroh, Toph, Aang and I were sitting on the veranda and having tea, when Dr Yang came stomping over. Iroh's face fell when he saw her angry approach and he tried to get up quickly and make himself scarce. She called out that he was to stay right where he was. She gave him many whacks with the ear-peice end of her stethoscope whilst saying things like _my first night off in two and half weeks! _

Iroh suggested that they have this conversation somewhere else (eg not in front of us). They went into the hall. Toph and Aang and I could still hear everything though. Dr Yang said that the prison guards had informed her that Iroh had very kindly offered to help them "move Ozai to a different cell" but that in the process of "moving" Ozai had "fallen down the stairs". She said everything in inverted commas **very sarcastically. ** Iroh shrugged and offered that Ozai had always been clumsy. But Dr Yang wasn't having it. She crossed her arms and made a **bitch please** face at Iroh and then said_ clumsy enough to fall down the stairs 27 times? _Iroh tried to look innocent and shrugged.

Dr Yang whacked him with her stethoscope again and asked _what in the name of __**are-you-there-spirit-of-vigilante-justice-it's-me-Iroh**__ were you thinking?_ Iroh said that he just thought it was about time that someone gave Ozai the walloping their mam never gave him. Dr Yang made a grumpy face and said she'd give Iroh a walloping – if her ever ruined her night off again. Iroh said in his defence, that Ozai _had it coming _for years. Dr Yang obviously agreed with this sentiment and nodded. But then she shook herself out of it and asked why now? Why had he gone all _dragon-of-the-west _on Ozai today?

Iroh appeared lost for words for a second. Then he confessed _he upset Zuko today... I was just restoring balance to the universe. _Dr Yang looked incredulous and mouthed 'balance to the universe' like she couldn't believe Iroh had said it. Then she whacked him with the stethoscope again and said _Iroh, your Nephew is firelord now. If you go around breaking the ribs of everyone who "upsets him"...well you are just not going to have __**any time **__at all for that tea-tasting and twin-shagging you like so much. _

Iroh had been fairly easy going the whole time she had been berating him – up until this point. He got a touch defensive here and his genial mask slipped for a fraction of a second. He said that he didn't let _anyone _messed with_ his kid_ and the last thing Zuko needed was more shit from Ozai. Dr Yang sighed and took a step closer to Iroh and said that she thought it was sweet, in a weird and violent way, that he felt so protective. But Zuko was nearly all grown up and could take care of himself.

She asked what on earth did Iroh think he would accomplish by smacking Ozai about. Iroh shrugged and looked off and said _well it sure as hell made me feel better. _ Dr Yang pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration and muttered_ fucking hell, what a family _under her breath. But we all heard her.

_-o-_

Zuko came back from Azula's much later, after we had gone to bed. All except Iroh, who waited up. I left my window open though, so I could hear when Zuko got back... because that's what I do. Even when I am miffed at him – I still worry. Because Zuko and Iroh had a chat in the comfy chairs, I ended up overhearing most of it.

Zuko didn't sound that surprised that his Uncle had waited up for him, but he said all the obligatory _oh you shouldn't have waited up_ etc. Iroh demurred that of course he waited and he'd been hoping to talk to Zuko all day. There were tea-making sounds and then it sounded like Iroh handed Zuko a cup of apple blossom tea.

Iroh started by saying that he had been to see Ozai as well today. Zuko made a non-commital noise in response. Iroh cleared his throat awkwardly. He clearly had something to say. He tried to segue into it here, through awkward apple blossom metaphor.

Iroh said, that in case Zuko wanted to know, apples were unusual plants. The proverb "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" was **actually wrong.** Most apple trees had fruit that tasted slightly different and some tasted dramatically different. An apple seed could grown into any type of apple tree. It would not necessarily taste like the tree it fell from.

Zuko seemed to guess what Iroh is getting at. He said, diffidently, that while he appreciated the laboured apple metaphor – Iroh didn't need to worry about him. Iroh asked if Zuko wanted to talk about "it". Zuko said _no_ quickly. There was silence for a few minutes.

Zuko appeared to change his mind. He offered, in a more determined tone, that he really didn't need Ozai any more. He would find out what happened to his mother without his Dad. As soon as this peace conference was over and he had a little more time, he was going to do a proper investigation. If he could find Aang, when the whole world thought he was a myth, he was sure he could find out what happened to his mum. There was a pause and then Iroh said that knowing Zuko's determination, if she was out there, he would find her.

Zuko said that Iroh really didn''t need to worry. Iroh said he wasn't worried. Zuko disagreed and said _you have your worry face on._ Iroh confessed that he had been a little worried when Zuko went to see his father. Zuko said that as bad as seeing his dad was – it actually caused him to have a bit of an epiphany. Iroh wanted to hear _all about _this epiphany. Zuko hesitated a great deal while he tried to put this epiphany into words.

He said that he didn't know if he could explain it very well. He said that Ozai had said that he and Zuko were really alike. And those words ate away at Zuko because he couldn't imagine anything worse than being like Ozai. He said that Ozai had gone on about how they both wanted control and respect and how they both despised weakness and incompetence. Then Ozai had started going on about how much he disliked Azula now and blamed her for..practically everything.

_It's the old sibling rivalry card. He used to play it all the time. And it used to work every time. He'd always play us one-off-the-other so easily. But I was just listening to him talk about and suddenly I was thinking __**no – it's not going to be like that any more. I'm calling the shots now. **_Zuko said that it was actually in that moment that he realised how wrong Ozai was about him. His father didn't really know him at all. Because even when they were on opposite sides – Zuko couldn't ever despise Azula...not even when she had one of her meltdowns. She'd had one this afternoon – and not even Ty Lee could calm her down - that's why he'd been gone for so long.

Zuko confessed that Azula's meltdowns used to scare him as a kid. But today, suddenly he knew what to say and what to do. _ When_ _I was comforting her I knew that __**I really can do this.**__..all of it. I can take care of Azula and I can take care of this country a thousand times better than my dad ever could. These big responsibilities that I have...I used to think it was all __**too much**__ for me...but I'm not scared of them any more...I know I can handle it all now. _

Iroh said that he wasn't going to say "I told you so" - but he had always known Zuko could do it. And in these last two days, Zuko had made Iroh more proud than he had ever been in his whole life. Zuko had come so far. There was a little silent happy moment, before Zuko said that he would have never made it this far without Iroh. Zuko didn't know if he'd ever said _thank you_ to his Uncle, for sticking by him through everything. Iroh said no thanks was necessary. It had been his pleasure. Zuko said _thanks anyway...especially for not saying "I told you so." _I think Iroh must have grinned cheekily here, because he said in a teasing sounding voice _oh, don't worry – that starts tomorrow. _

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Rambly notes:

Lovely wonderful readers! Thank you for being so patient and I hope you have enjoyed this chapter.

You may have noticed this chapter dissappear briefly – I took it down to re-work it and include a suggestion by Lux Aureus. * waves at Lux * So this is the second draft of chapter 12 – and I am much happier with this version.

A giant and enormous and tremendous thank you for the reaction to the last chapter. I am so glad that you all liked it so much and I can promise that Zuko and Katara will get together **very soon. **There's just one or two more things to clear up and Jet has to come back and cause some drama, and then we are good to go for the smoochy/sexy times. Also this fic wont end as soon as they get together. We will get to see a little bit of how they are with eachother at the start of the relationship. Also – for those of you who don't subscribe – I've posted a few drabbles in _" the common sense stick collection" _that go with this chapter and help make a few things clearer. There is one about why Jin and Zuko broke up. One about Iroh and his attitude to Azula and one about what happens to Jet after Lake Laogai in my head-cannon.

Anyway this chapter dealt mostly with the Daddy issues and the relationship that the various Dads have with their kids on the show. Firstly, I wanted to explore Hakoda and Katara's changing relationship – because it is a relationship that would have to change much more as Katara gets older and becomes more independent. When Hakoda left the South Pole three years ago he felt that she was helpless and needed Sokka to protect her. Hakoda has also been raised to see the men as the protectors of the women-folk. Katara has changed so much between when Hakoda left and when they are reunited and her views have evolved a lot. Their relationship is punctured by more misunderstandings than his relationship with Sokka.

This new Katara, who can fight both verbally and physically and has ideas and hopes and dreams all of her own is someone Hakoda is still getting used to. He doesn't quite understand his daughter – but he is really trying to. I think Hakoda is a good dad, for all his faults. He sometimes struggles with the various trials that arise in being a parent to a teenage girl – but at least he is _trying._ He tells Katara that nothing matters as much to him as her happiness and I think that this is something Katara needed to hear.

Katara's fear of Hakoda's disapproval has driven her to keep secrets from him – but she got to see here, that when her secret came out, her Dad still supported her in pursuing what she thought would make her happy, even if he was a bit miffed about the secrecy.

This has wider implications for how I think he would react when Katara and Zuko are together and kept it secret. He would be more annoyed by the dishonesty than the Zuko-factor at this stage. If Zuko treated Katara well and made her happy, I just cannot see Hakoda coming down on him like a sack of sand. I think that Hakoda is the sort of dad who would support his kids, no matter what.

Hakoda is also an overprotective!dad. While he is fine with Katara's desire to become a doctor – he would also want to ensure that the doctor teaching her was _a good sort. _He would not like Dr Yang's hard-arse attitude to his daughter, however he has come to respect her as a doctor. Hakoda knows that life working in a hospital is tough and that he is not going to be there to help his daughter when things get really tough. He puts the hard word on Doctor Yang, but she can tell that he is doing it out of love and that he really is trying to support Katara in his Hakoda-way – not ban her from doing what she wants to do (which was what Dr Yang expected). So they are able to bury the hatchet. Dr Yang's sassy remarks have been inspired by Doctor Cox on _scrubs. _ Because Dr Cox was awesome.

Also I just wanted to say that while Katara wants to be a doctor now, it does not make her any less badass. It is not because she is regulating herself to "staying in the back and healing". Katara will do many things with her new-found knowledge. I can actually later see her later leading an avatar world equivalent of an NGO like the WHO or UNICEF. But she'd need some medical knowledge for that first. Even though she resented having to learn it at the NWT, that was more to do with the sexist double standards of the North, in my opinion. Healing is useful and it is also something that is unique to Katara's character. I can see her wanted to extend and expand upon this skill.

Also while we just got a little glimpse here, there is trouble-a-brewing between the Water Tribes. Some issues will arise between the Northern Water Tribe and the Southern Water tribe next chapter. Pakku and Arnook and Hakoda and Bato are all going to have very different opinions.

Katara also got to see some growth from Aang this chapter. One of my big problems with Aang is his nice-guy-esque entitled attitude to Katara. I hate the nice-guy trope and this is a lesson I really wanted Aang to learn and grow out of. I also think that Aang has a very big heart and is capable of out growing his nice-guy tendencies. I think that if someone honestly pointed out to Aang how wrong the attitude that_ he is just entitled to whatever woman he fancies_ was – he would see the error of his ways. I think that Iroh was just the person Aang needed to give him that little push. Aang is a sweet kid, he doesn't want to hurt anyone, or make them feel uncomfortable. When he asks Ty Lee out here, he sees clearly for the first time, that his romantic advances make her really uncomfortable. I think that Aang would be horrified that he had been making her uncomfortable unintentionally and would have backed off straight away. He's learnt and grown from his experience with Katara, Iroh's advice and Zuko's pep talk. Aang is now at the stage where he can have a crush on a girl, but then be a bigger person when he realises that she does not reciprocate. He will not whine _I thought we were going to be together _to Ty Lee. Instead he will try to let his crush on her go and just be her friend, because he has come to value her as a person aside from just as a sexual object.

Anyway I think that Aang will still be a bit lovesick for Ty Lee, because he really did fancy her. But **unrequited love is not the worst thing in the world**. Or perhaps it is in the avatar-universe. It is avoided or ignored at all costs in ATLA and Korra. Think of how almost every character gets their first crush or how quickly Bolin's love for Korra evaporated. Unrequited love will not kill Aang – if anything it will help him grow even more as a person. I am all for growth for Aang.

However he will be a bit _on the rebound _(so to speak) now. Katara's comfort really helped him in this chapter. Though her words about what she thinks goes into a romantic relationship (friendship and feeling supported and safe with someone) will bring about a surprising result. Well it will be surprising for her..but probably not for my clever readers.

Two other people who get a big dose of painful growth this chapter are Zuko and Azula. They are now both in a place where they are willing to cut all ties with their father. This big, especially for Azula. When both Azula and Zuko are introduced, way back at the start if their arcs - they just wanted Ozai's approval so bitterly that it makes my heart hurt for them. They fight over the scraps of affection that Ozai **can** show – but neither of them felt secure in their relationship with him. Ozai has abused his children both emotionally and, in Zuko's case, physically. I think that, in light of all the different abuses that Ozai heaped on his children, there is no repairing his relationship with his children. I actually think that cutting Ozai off would be the best thing for both Zuko and Azula's mental health.

Unfortunately in the series, Zuko gives Ozai something he can used against his kids, when he asks him about Ursa. I wanted to address how I think that meeting in the end of_ Sozin's comet _would **actually go.** We don't get to see it/hear it – because Zuko goes completely alone and this fic is from Katara's point if view. But we do get to see the fall out. While I agree with Iroh – Zuko going wasn't the best idea, I also think that this is a confrontation that needs to happen.

I think Ozai's desire to lash out at his children would be greater than his common sense, especially after a his time in prison. He probably blames Zuko's treachery and Azula's incompetence for his current fate. So that scene between Zuko and Ozai would have had to have gone bad. Seriously now – what possible motivation is there for Ozai to help Zuko? _The goodness of his heart?_ No. Ozai is a man with nothing left to loose – and Zuko handed him the perfect way to strike back at his kids emotionally in the scene.

Finding out information on Ursa is the only thing his kids need from Ozai and I think Ozai would take advantage of that. He's not going to give up that information without a fight. That information represents the little power and control he would have left over his children – and he as always seen them as pawns to be manipulated and controlled, rather than people in their own right. I think that Zuko would have been met with a lot of laughter in response to his "Tell me where my mother is" request. And a scene would have ensued, with lots of shouting and ill-feeling.

I think that Zuko would have accidentally stumbled across Ozai's biggest fear, in amongst all the shouting. When Zuko declares that he will never listen to or think on Ozai again and that Ozai's words have no power over him anymore – he would have very potently reminded Ozai of his own powerlessness and increasing irrelevance. Ozai is the king of self-aggrandising; powerlessness and irrelevance are his greatest fears. Zuko would have started poking the powerless and irrelevant sore-spot with a sharp stick. (Sort of like nyah nyah – I'm not listening to you and you can;t do shit about it..etc). Ozai would have retaliated and thrown Zuko's biggest fear in his face. I think (and this is also in t_he promise_) that Zuko's biggest fear would be turning into his father.

I do think that Azula would have encouraged Zuko to go and visit their father to try and get information out of him. I think that Zuko is actually smart enough to know that any interaction with Ozai is going to go **really pear-shaped.** However he would have gone for Azula and for his own desperate need to know what happened to his mother.

Iroh goes to see Ozai out of an innate protectiveness. He wants to know what shit went down - and so he figures he'll go straight to the source. Ozai would have made a few choice comments about Lu Ten and Zuko and the likelyhood of untimely deaths and Iroh's **papa-bear-crush** mode would have been activated. and Ozai "falls down the stairs...several times" as a result. Iroh and Ozai are two other people who needed to hash it out. This was another confrontation that needed to happen. Iroh hasn't told Zuko about Ozai "falling down the stairs" during his visit yet. Zuko will be secretly pleased but outwardly pissed off when he gets told. He's trying to distance himself from those old brutal tactics - but having someone "fall down the stairs" is pretty much the epitome of brutal tactics. however he will appreciate the sentiment behind Iroh's actions.

Azula is actually the more optimistic here, with regards to Ozai. She knows that Zuko has had their Dad moved to the lower levels – and she thinks that Ozai would prefer to have his old cell and a bit of sunlight more that he wanted to hurt his kids. She would have told Zuko to pull the _empty-promises move _that she was very good at. Promise Ozai that he can move up the levels if he co-operates. Azula might have been able to pull it off, but Zuko is not Azula. False promises really aren't his style. Zuko would have resorted to the "just tell me – if only for Azula's sake" tactic, and that would have gone down like a lead balloon with Ozai.

So everyone refers to Ursa as Zuko's mum, but she is Azula's Mum too. I think that while both her kids miss her. Azula would really _need _her, post-breakdown. And I guess I wanted to acknowledge that Azula loves and misses Ursa too. Their-mutual love of Ursa was the thing that bonded Zuko and Azula together previously...even when they were at complete odds with each other. However, they have had a bit of a break through in this chapter, which we don't get to see here...because there is a limit to how much Katara can eavesdrop. But it might become a little ficlet.

Anyway Zuko and Azula are coming to a better place. The fact that Zuko supported her, and took her advice and went to see Ozai, even though he, like Iroh would have initially thought it was a terrible idea, would really help Azula feel like she has a voice and what she says matters. The fact that Zuko sticks by her through her meltdown in the afternoon, would make her really see how much she can rely on him and how much he cares. For Zuko, being able to help Azula also helps him. He wants to be the direct opposite of his father and his father has made it clear that he despises Azula for "her weakness". In many ways, Zuko sees taking care of Azula as a way of completely distancing himself from Ozai and that way of thinking. He also comes to the realisation that he is stronger and more capable than he gave himself credit for. A lot has gone wrong for him today – be he has been able to handle it all with varying levels of grace and competence.

The Mai situation he didn't handle so well, and I know that some of you are cross about that. Sorry my lovelies. I can promise that the next time they break up (which will be soon) will be for real. I think that Zuko would have wanted to break up with Mai properly before he started anything with Katara. Even if he doesn't start anything with Katara – he knows that he is no longer emotionally invested with Mai. He's acknowledged to himself that he won't ever feel as strongly for Mai as he does for Katara. He does not want to string Mai along.

He really tries to break up with her here – but **break ups are hard.** Being the dumper takes a different sort of courage to what Zuko is used to. Zuko's been dumped by Jin and than hurt. He doesn't want to hurt Mai or be the bad guy. Zuko would have a hard time hurting someone he cares about, and even if he does not love her romantically anymore, he still cares for Mai. He doesn't want to be the bad guy.

I think it is interesting that the two times that Zuko breaks up with her – he breaks up with her through actions and leaving, rather than words spoken **to her face. **Mai can say, impassively, _it's over, _but I don't know if Zuko has that sort of blunt, face-to-face break-up in him.

He would have wavered in his break-up speech when he saw that he was making her upset. Mai would have been able to take advantage of his hesitation. Well she doesn't see it as taking advantage. She would see it as fighting for the relationship. They would have talked about the spying and Mai would have told him that he was having an over-emotional response, rather than thinking clearly. If he thought clearly he would see that she did the spying because she was worried about him and because she cared.

However, Mai is growing and changing too. When the time for the next break-up comes, she will be much more ready to let Zuko and the relationship go. Her father's resignation from politics will be a catalyst for change in her family.

Mai thinks her parents are benignly neglectful and didn't have much time for her. She has always felt misunderstood and undervalued by them. Mai blames her dad's career for many of her misfortunes in life. But now that her Dad's resigned many of her pre-conceived notions about her parents will be put to the test. The fact that her father choose her and Tom-tom over his job and really wants to spend time with her will be the first of many surprises.

Next chapter everyone will go to Ba Sing Se. There will be drama between the tribes. Aang will learn some terrible news. Pakku will have a solution to balance the tribes. Katara will hate Pakku's solution. There will be a declaration of love and many other assorted shenanigans.

Til then my lovely readers...


	13. Bad relationship advice

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Bad relationship advice.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Despite the best intentions in the world, and all the planning and packing from yesterday – today's departure was still a huge schmozzle of lost bags, misplaced papers and people milling about uselessly. Appa was ready to go first, and take Aang, Sokka, Dad and I to Ba Sing Se. Everybody else would be going on the airship. Appa was already going to arrive a day ahead of the airship, but at the rate the airship was being loaded, we would be old and grey by the time they got to Ba Sing Se. Sokka stayed around to tinker a bit with the airship. He had taken to calling it 'his baby' and stroking it affectionately. He was most stroppy when he felt that people were not treating baby with the respect she deserved. This was a long list of people including Toph, Suki, baggage handlers, the pilot and any passengers who did not react with due awe.

Piandao was staying in the firenation to act as regent while Zuko and Iroh are going to be in Ba Sing Se. Za Jei was also staying, as Piandao's second in command, to help keep order with her badassery. Zuko was fussing over the firenation the same way that Sokka was fussing over the airship...though he did not call the firenation 'his baby'. However he did fuss a great deal over what Piandao should and should not do and he kept saying that Piandao was to hawk him over anything at all.

While Zuko was fussing over the firenation, Fat was fussing over him. Fat had made Zuko a snack box with all his favourites, because he knew it was a long trip. Fat was worried that Zuko wouldn't have packed enough warm clothes, hadn't been getting enough sleep or eating his broccoli etc.

There was so much going on and there were so many people talking at Zuko that he didn't notice that I wasn't talking to him. It's this new thing I'm trying. Gloomy Hairbuns is always so aloof and mean to him...and maybe he likes that. I mean he is going out with her after all. She acts like she's so bored and so superior with him...but it is obviously working. And I...Yue help me...I asked Ty Lee about it.

Yes, I have now asked Ty Lee for something resembling dating advice.

How did this become my life?

According to Ty Lee, there are a few different ways to get a guy. She favours the boobs-in-their-face,laugh-at-everything-they-say and talk-about-naked-a-lot method. Gloomy fancies something that Ty Lee refers to as the "treat them mean to keep them keen" approach. Gloomy has had wonderful success with this and always has boys after her. Apparently she always acts like she's not bothered about boys and pretends she finds them boring. The more aloof she is with them, the more they want her.

So after my conversation with Ty Lee I decided to try the aloof approach. This is completely opposite to my usual approach. Zuko and I have never really been aloof with each other. We've gone through many stages, but never aloof. Lately, we have been all snuggly, lets-hug-it-out buddies. But he didn't want to hug it out at all with me yesterday and I don't know...we haven't properly talked about anything lately.

The whole thing was just really jarring. I mean, he snapped at me and that did hurt. But I was being very intrusive at the same time. But we haven't had a chance to talk and he's still dating friggin Gloomy bitchface and the whole thing is very confusing and is driving me insane.

It'll take the airship at least a day to catch up with Appa and maybe a day away from Zuko will do me some good. My brain seems to go to mush around him, so a day away will help clear my head. I wanted him to know that I would not be thinking about him at all though. I wanted him to think about how very much I was not bothered by the fact that we would have to spend a day apart and that I would not miss him even the tiniest bit. And I was going to show this by not speaking to him very much this morning.

But it's a bit tricky hanging around someone – only to **not speak to them. **

I can do aloof. I'm sure of it. I mean, previously, I haven't been aloof. Aloof has been hard because it implies indifference. I have never been _indifferent_ to Zuko. But I am going to pretend that I am indifferent and see if that gets his attention. It might be a bit hard to go from how friendly (and nearly kissy) we've been to complete indifference. But that is where giving him the cold shoulder comes into it.

I got my chance to cold shoulder Zuko good and proper just before we left. But it didn't really go how I expected. I mean I'm not sure how well it worked. I definitely didn't pull off aloof. I did, however, manage to pull off cross. Zuko knows my cross face well.

And I think I might have been a little cross at him deep down – for all this crossness to just burst out of me.

I mean I wanted to pretend I was aloof, but then it became real crossness, because he picked Gloomy Hairbuns over me and I am still upset about that really. I mean, I try, _all the time,_ to pretend I'm not. I act like it's fine and I just want to be friends ...and I do, really. I'm glad that Zuko is my friend. He's a lovely friend when he's not driving me up the wall.

But it still hurts.

What happened was this: I was strapping the last of the bags to Appa's saddle and I was trying to pull it as tight as I could. I thought Zuko was busy doing firelordy political things, but at this point came he gave me a bit of a surprise and came over to help me with the straps. I shrugged him off abruptly and grumpily and snapped at him that I didn't _need his help. _He seemed rather taken aback by my snapping.

See Zuko – unexpected snapping does hurt.

He then made a very confused face and asked if I was mad at him. I denied this fiercely. _Me? I'm not mad. Why would you think I was mad? I don't have any reason to be mad, do I?_ Zuko pondered this for a second and then he seemed to think it was a trick question. He even asked me if it was a trick question. I claimed that I was completely calm and not at all angry once again. Zuko looked like he was about to argue for a second, but then at the last minute he thought the better of it and shut his mouth. He tried to help me again and got shoved off again.

He made a long suffering sigh and ran his hands through his hair and I just find it so sexy when he does that. I was so distracted by the sexy that I nearly abandoned Plan-Aloof (Plan A for short) completely. His hands are so big and pale against how dark his hair is and I just... hmmmmmmm.

No! Not hmmmm!

Booo!

Gah!

This is why he drives me crazy. I am beginning to think he is being **inadvertently sexy on purpose**... If one can be inadvertently sexy on purpose. Look my point is that he must be doing this on purpose. He is trying to use his Zukoness to get me to just go mushy-in-the-brain and forgive him. And this normally works.

But not today!

No siree, I stuck to Plan A like a champion.

Zuko said, a little awkwardly, that he really wanted to talk to me about something. But I tried for a disdainful sniff and said that I wasn't sure if I felt like talking to him right then. He pointed at me and said _A ha! You are mad about something! w_ith what was an endearing amount of vindication. It was like he was declaring _eureka_ after discovering something amazing. I confessed to being cross at him, but said that if he couldn't figure out why – then I wasn't going to tell him.

Gloomy Hairbuns came over and butted herself **right into the middle of our conversation **at that point. She was a bit rude with the way she interrupted – even for Gloomy standards. She stepped between us and huffed at Zuko that she _was bored._ He seemed a bit surprised and a little pissed off at her statement and shrugged and said _So? What do you want me to do about it?_ Gloomy shrugged, but elected to say nothing further. It was as if her shrug spoke for itself.

Zuko huffed right back at her and said that she could go and find her seat on the airship and read a book – as a solution to her boredom-related-woes. Gloomy looked a bit unimpressed by this suggestion. She drawled out in a dull monotone that he could come with her, if he wanted. Zuko said that he was actually in the middle of a conversation with me. There was a slight awkward pause and then I backed Zuko up and said that we had just been talking. Gloomy glanced between the two of us and then sighed _whatever _and glided away in a nonchalant fashion.

Gloomy has aloof DOWN!

Zuko turned back to me and gave me a sheepish smile. But the Gloomy interruption had pissed me right off. How could he choose her over me? She is just so...blah. She bitches to Zuko about how she is bored all the time and it just kind of makes me cross. I just want to shake her and say _why don't you get off your arse and do something for yourself then? _The rest of us all have our own shit going on. But Zuko never says anything like this to Gloomy.

So when Zuko smiled sheepishly at me and started to say something, I cut him off with a curt_ I am not talking to you right now!_ Zuko looked a bit offended and made a face and said _What? Why? _Then he remarked, with some confusion,_ Wait, you were just talking to me a moment ago._ I explained that, be that as it may, I wasn't talking to him right now.

He looked hurt for a split second but he covered it quickly and his face looked stroppy instead. Equally as stroppy as mine. He declared _fine! I didn't even want to talk to you anyway! _I argued back that _he _had been the one who had come over to talk to _me_! This is breaking my no-talking-to-Zuko embargo, but I felt that this point **absolutely had to be made. **

Zuko huffed, crossed his arms and then took a big step back and said that he didn't want to talk to me now. I said _good! I don't want to talk to you either._ Zuko said _Fine, we wont talk. _I said that was fine by me! Zuko said _great._ I said _you're still talking to me. _Zuko said he was going to stop that. I said_ good!_ Zuko gave me a bewildered look and then he made a frustrated little noise and said _well whatever then! I'll see you in Ba Sing Se. _Then he flashed me one last confused, cross and hurt look and stalked off back to the airships.

I wanted desperately to go after him like I normally do. But I felt like I was frozen right then.

Maybe this is for the best.

After all, what good has always chasing after Zuko done for me? Aside from drive me crazy.

-o-

I was in a bit of a funk the entire day after this conversation. The journey over the Far Eastern Sea pasted in a bit of a daydream. I peered over the side of Appa's saddle, down at the water and thought about the last time I had made this trip. Yes I was thinking about Zuko. I can't help it.

When we'd flown over on the day of the comet, if felt like the two of us against the world. But I had been okay with that at the time. I hadn't been okay with many other things that day (Aang was gone, the world was about to be engulfed in flames, etc) but I had been very glad that I had Zuko by my side. I was okay with that... with him there. I thought that when the time came, I'd just know what to say, or I'd kiss him and then we'd be together. (Gosh, that's a terrible thing to write. I sound like Aang did on the balcony on Ember Island). But I felt like he reciprocated my various strong emotions towards him. I really felt like it was only a matter of time.

But then I had so many chances and I chickened out every time.

And then he got back with Gloomy.

And now we've had this weird fight over nothing. Really nothing.

And I still love him so much. _this boy._

I started thinking about Plan A and that look of hurt that just flashed over Zuko's face. Maybe Plan A wasn't the best idea. I asked Sokka about it when he scooted back on the saddle to talk to me. He wanted to ask me if I was okay. Dad got really keen to drive Appa (because apparently dads always drive.) Aang was not as keen and stayed up near Dad to bison-head-seat-drive. They were both up ahead and out of earshot.

Sokka was a bit worried about me, because I had been unusually quiet for the trip. We sat up the back and talked quietly together. I didn't want to tell him what was really going on. So I said that I had _this friend._ And_ this friend _thought that she kind of liked (loved) But _this boy _had a weird relationship with _this really weird bitchy girl who was a bitch._ _This friend _had heard that being really rude to guys made them want you more. But when _this friend_ was rude to _this guy, _it didn't go how she expected. She hadn't liked what happened.

Sokka listened to my story of this friend, nodding along. When I finished, he offered, in what he obviously thought was a sage tone, _Oh Katara – Don't try that whole keep em mean to keep 'em keen thing with Zuko. He's __**not going to understand. **__He's going to think you hate him... and then he's going to __**bother me in the middle of the night to ask me why you hate him...**__ again. _

I went into full of self righteous denial mode in response to this comment from Sokka. _I wasn't talking about Zuko. I never once mentioned the name Zuko and why would Sokka think I was talking about Zuko. I was simply talking about this friend and some other random guy._ Sokka gave me a look that he has obviously learned from Suki. There was one eyebrow raised and a sceptical expression. The whole thing said **bitch please. **

Sokka then said _Riiight. Well the best advice that I can give is that this friend and some random guy just need to sit down and have an honest conversation about their feelings. Like seriously now. _Then Sokka gave me an infuriatingly smug and knowing look. So I gave him a small whack upside the head in response.

-o-

Sokka encouraged me to come further down in the saddle and hang out with Dad and Aang – because my protracted mope was worrying Dad. So Sokka and I clustered about the head of Appa's saddle and chatted the rest of the journey away to Dad and Aang.

In a weird way, if felt almost like we had come full circle. Originally it had just been Sokka and I in the saddle, flying about with Aang on Appa, trying to save the world and make out Dad proud. And the three of us got into so many crazy adventures in those days. But then the three of us became the four of us, and then the six of us. The saddle felt empty without Zuko and Toph and Suki. Even though we had Dad here with us, I could still feel this empty feeling.

It was like have a little glimpse at what my life would be like without the other three... and I didn't like it.

-o-

We landed in Ba Sing Se, just after sunset, as all the lamps were being lit. The city was aglow. We had been instructed to fly directly to the Palace courtyard, so that Aang could be welcomed like a hero. And he was.

There was great fan-fair over his arrival, but it left Sokka and Dad and I standing about like a couple of spare parts. Aang doesn't do this on purpose, but he just gets so caught up in the excitement of being the avatar. All that attention really is about him as the Avatar and there is only one Avatar, so he can't really share the spotlight. And it was nice for him to get all that validation and attention.

Confetti was thrown at him, he had to stand on a little podium and wave at the crowd a whole bunch. But after he'd be standing up there for a few minutes, he noticed Sokka, Dad and I standing in the back. He gestured us forward and we went to go and stand with him for a bit. The people cheered for us, but they were mostly here to see Aang.

We were welcomed officially by the Earth King and a small, but shrewd looking woman. The Earth King looked exactly as I remembered him, if a little skinnier. He seemed a bit sadder too. Less jovial. He was mostly silent apart from greeting us kindly. The other woman was his mother, the dowager queen. She had come to the Palace to help her son "sort things out". They were both dressed in the finest silks I have ever beheld. You can only get silk like that here.

The Dowager beheld the state of my clothes (and Dad's and Sokka's) with one quick appraising glance over all three of us. She didn't say anything, or make a face or anything like that. But there was something in the way she looked at me that made me feel..._small. _

_Poor. _

_Ill-bred. _

She made me feel uneasy, like I should know my place around her. She was royalty and we were not.

It's weird, but I never feel this was around Zuko or Iroh even though they are royalty too. Maybe they are a different sort of royalty. Even back when Zuko was my enemy and would tauntingly call me a peasant, I never felt like he was superior. We were quite even matched in our battle at the north pole. It's felt like we've been equals since then. Iroh is a great man, it's true. But he's the sort of great man whose greatness comes from making everyone else around him feel like they are also great. Iroh makes even the scullery maids feel important. Iroh and Zuko had made my entire family and tribe and all the Kyoshi warriors feel welcome in their royal villas. I was completely at home in their house.

This is not to say that the Earth King and the Dowager were rude to us. But they were a different sort of royalty and I would have to get used to that. We were very clearly guests, who would only be staying temporarily. We were well treated, but it felt perfunctory.

After they had welcomed us, the Dowager and the Earth King took their leave. The dowager gave me one last glance, with clever, appraising eyes, before she left. I'm not sure, because I don't know them very well, but the dowager seems much more forceful than her son. I think she might be the real power behind the throne.

I guess this should come as no surprise. The Earth King let Long Feng run loops around him for years.

Perhaps he's just better at being a figurehead than he is an actual King.

-o-

We followed the servants to the Water Tribe section of the Palace. They had set aside a special wing for us. The servants had originally wanted Aang to go with them to the _Avatar's suite,_ but Aang kicked up quite a fuss. He wanted to stay with us. There was a bit of frantic re-arrangement, but it was okay in the end. The servants are going to re-arrange the furniture in a collection of rooms in the water tribe section, during dinner, to make a new_ Avatar's suite. _

When we got to the water tribe section, Pakku and Arnook were waiting for us. Pakku hugged me fiercely and then he gave Sokka a quick hug too. But Dad greeted Pakku and Arnook without his usual warmth. He seemed a little stilted.

I know that Dad does not think very highly of chief Arnook, because of chief Arnook's refusal to help us down south for so long. Dad had sent many messages north, asking for supplies and help in rebuilding, but always received a polite, yet firm no. I wanted to stay and try and help smooth things out between them (as I am a great smoother-outer most of the time) but Pakku wanted to speak to me in private.

-o-

I have just had the worst conversation of my entire life. Like ever! And the worst thing is that it wasn't meant to be the worst conversation ever. No, Pakku **actually meant well.** He really wanted to help me.

As much as I have been bitching about how sexist my tribe is, I had half forgotten the that Northern Water Tribe is a thousand times worse.

I mean my tribe think that a woman should stay in the kitchen and know her place, but at least she gets to choose her place. We don't **do **arranged marriages.

Pakku wants me to marry Han! Han the jerk who made Yue endlessly miserable! Who ignored her feelings and talked over her constantly. She always talked about her upcoming marriage to Han like it was something she was dutifully resigned to. It was part of her role as a princess, but _oh_ how she loathed the thought of being married to him.

And now Pakku thinks I should be the wife of that snivelling little leech!

I am not allowed to dismiss this suggestion out of hand. Pakku has his reasons. 10 of them.

Han for some reason, is the golden boy in the north. Even though he fell off Zhao's battleship and spent the rest of the siege in the sick ward, he is praised for his bravery in battle. Chief Arnook has named him his heir. Han is rich and handsome – Therefore I should marry him.

Marrying Han would give me power. Power is hard to get. It doesn't come easy. Pakku thinks I deserve more say over matters. He has heard about what he refers to as "the bee I have in my braid over women's rights" and he knows that a greater say for women is what I want. He sees marrying Han as the easiest solution for women to get more rights (?!) because I am eighteen times cleverer that Han and will be able to run rings around him. If I marry Han, I will be able to exercise the 'power behind the throne'. Ummm if this is how Pakku has interpreted 'giving women equality' then Pakku and I are going to have to have **a talk. **

There aren't many options for Han. The Water tribes **never mix **with the other nations. We remain pure at all times. Han feels that he needs another Water Tribe Princess to be his wife, the normal northern water tribe girls are beneath him. (_What a friggin charmer_). Because I am the daughter of a chief, I can classify as a princess for marrying-off purposes.

Han will give me a comfortable and easy life and I will get to live like Northern Water Tribe royalty and eventually after many many years, I will get to help steer the Northern Water Tribe into the future.

He mentioned (obliquely – because he was trying to be polite) the obvious disparity in wealth between our two tribes. The North are **very wealthy **in comparison to the South. This match would be beneficial for both tribes and would elevate the South's standing. I did not point out that the only reason why the North is so much wealthier is because they stayed safely tucked behind their ice walls while we in the South were raided time after time after time.

A wedding between the South and the North would also mend the bonds between our tribes and be good for diplomacy. Diplomacy needs mending because things have been a bit _frosty_ between my Dad and Arnook in their exchange of letters.

I also don't have many other options. Water Tribes never marry outside the tribes. There are no guys my age down south. I am above the other boys up in the north, according to Pakku. Marry Han will make me a proper princess – and Pakku thinks I deserve no less.

I might have trouble finding a husband on my own. I have a tendency to argue and Pakku assures me that** men do not like women who argue.** (he was quite emphatic about this). Men also do not like girls that are too athletic and can beat them up. For these two reasons, I will struggle to find a man willing to _take-me-on-as-a-wife. _

I'm not getting any younger and my looks will go one day. (Oi Pakku!)

Pakku only wants the best for me.

So Pakku and I have had a rather passionate and spirited argument.

As soon as the conversation got bad, I tried to politely excuse myself. I made all the usual diplomatic murmurings (_We'll discuss this another time, tired from my journey_ etc). Then I said I wanted to go and see my dad and if I could help with him and Chief Arnook. Pakku dismissed this suggestion. He said that I would be of no use at all in that conversation because _unmarried women and un-bethrothed women are of no consequence_ to Chief Arnook. I was a woman of consequence, but the tribes would not see me as such. Marrying Han would make them and the rest of the world see me so.

Err.. Actually, I think marrying Han would cause the rest of the world to see me as a woman of no sense.

Politeness was lost. I got stroppy. I lectured Pakku about the **very many ways he had got the wrong end of the stick when it came to women's rights.** Pakku got a bit defensive, because in his mind, he was just doing the grandfatherly thing and trying to make sure that I would be taken care of. I said women didn't need to be taken care of, they needed to be seen as equals. Pakku said that wasn't reality right now. Change took time. But if I at least deigned to sit with Han at dinner, I would be able to sit at the head table (a position of great respect in my tribe). I could just give it a go and try it on for size, and see if I liked having a position of respect in the tribes.

I declared **no** and that Pakku **couldn't force me!**

Pakku got a bit frustrated with me and said that he wasn't going to force me, but he just wanted me to see sense. Water tribes never mix for **a good reason. **Just look at the fire nation and the earth kingdom. Dearie me, all that firenation and earth kingdom _mixing_ really perplexed Pakku.

Pakku said that the firenation and the earth kingdom would be at if for years, trying to untangle the various knots they had got themselves in.

In Pakku's mind the four nations had to be four distinct and separate entities. Which left me to choose from the water tribe. In Pakku's mind, the four nations need to be separate again. The Earth Kingdom need to mix with the Earth Kingdom and the firenation needs to stick to the fucking firenation. I was a leader in my tribe and I needed to set an example of tribal unity. I needed to marry someone from the water tribes. Why not Han? My only other choice was the Avatar and Pakku wanted better for me that a life of _playing nursemaid to Aang's ego. _Yes that was the exact phrase Pakku used.

Then we got into an unusual argument about Aang. Pakku sees Aang as my only other option. Aang is the Avatar, therefore he has _Pakku's leave_ to marry from any of the four nations. (I'm sure Aang will be glad of the permission). Though Pakku hopes he doesn't choose someone from chin province because their delegate is already and uppity little nitwit.

Pakku claims that he noticed the way that Aang looked at me at the North Pole and how Aang looked at me, just here, this afternoon. It is a look of complete adoration. According to Pakku, women often end up marrying the men who adore them, even if they don't quite adore them back. According to Pakku, Aang really needs me and adores me and often that is enough for a marriage. If the man wants the woman, he will normally get his way, in Pakku's experience. Aang always left Pakku with the impression that he couldn't find his arse with to hands and a torch without me. Pakkuy knew that I might feel obligated to take care of him.

Well, I do feel obligated to take care of Aang... but not in_ that way. _I take care of Aang in a motherly way, not a wifely way.

But marrying Aang is certainly preferable over marrying Fucking Han.

What a **grim picture** of my future has Pakku painted for me.

I left the firenation with the whole world ahead of me, but I landed in the earth kingdom with my options whittled down to marrying two unlikely suitors.

It was so unfair.

I got a bit cross and declared my intentions to marry neither boy. Pakku got a bit cross back and said I was being stubborn and pig-headed. I said Pakku was being a smelly old windbag and talked about how sexist he was being. And the whole thing degenerated into a spirited argument.

But we were both talking at each other at cross purposes and I ended up giving up in frustration. I stomped away from Pakku, and this conversation and the Water Tribe wing, with my head full of thunder.

I needed to bend.

-o-

I don't know this Palace well, and I got a bit lost as I searching for an adequate outlet for my frustrations. Pakku's words kept ringing in my head. _Unmarried women are of no consequence. Men do not like women who argue. You'll have to chose somebody eventually. Why not Han? You're only other option is the Avatar. Aang just needs you so much._

Gah!

I was so beyond cross. I was tired of this shit! Sick and tired of it.

I missed Suki and how we'd have such a laugh over the menfolk's silliness. I missed the Kyoshi Warriors. I even missed Ty Lee and how she could smile sweetly while talking about chi blocking willies. I missed Toph and her no nonsense attitude. Toph wouldn't have taken what Pakku said. I missed Dr Yang and her wry sense of humour when ever men acted superior to her.

I missed Zuko powerfully. If I were back home with him, I would just find him and _go blah _and tell him all my feelings on this subject. And he'd listen and say something helpful or we'd spar – but either way I know I'd feel better.

But he wasn't here right now. And we'd had that weird argument.

_Men don't like women who argue. _

I felt something cold in my stomach at that thought. Gah! And bloody hell and fuck! I swore explosively and felt a little better. But only fractionally. This energy still needed somewhere to go. I found a nice garden with a maze and a fountain. I bent all the water from the fountain and aimed it the hedge, in one big, forceful, aggressive splash, and felt some catharsis from the mindless action.

I only felt catharsis for a split second, because there was a surprised noise of dismay in response to my splashing, from within the hedge. I popped me head around and found the Earth King, dripping wet and sprawled against one of the hedges.

Oops.

I was all apologies.

I hurried over to him and helped in him and bent all the water out of his clothes, while apologising profusely the whole time. The Earth King waved me off and said it was okay. But then he realised he had lost something and started frantically looking around for it. He'd been holding it in his hand when I had splashed him and it had gotten lost in the melee. I tried to help him, but he was very elusive about what this object was. Which was a bit curious.

Tangled in one of the hedges was a very delicate gold chain with a little jade pendant. I asked the Earth King if it was what he was looking for. His eyes went wide and he practically snatched it from my hand. For a brief moment, he looked at the necklace, then he clenched his fist around it and held it under his chin before he put it back in his pocket.

Curiouser and curiouser.

The Earth King seemed to recover for his uncharacteristic rudeness earlier and then he started apologising to me for snatching and for 'forgetting himself'. I was well ready to let that go, seen as though I had just blasted him with a water jet. He asked me about that and I tried to feign that I had been 'just practicing' and I hadn't know he was there. This is only a half lie. I hadn't known he was there. But I though _practising _would sound better than having a _petulant tantrum._

The Earth King wasn't really listening to me though. His hand was still in the pocket, fingering the necklace and he was looking wistfully at something just above my head. Because I am a nosy person who likes to know everything, and because my curiosity was ridiculously piqued, I asked _Who is she?_ Which I guess was a bit rude, but I really wanted to know.

The necklace was obviously a woman's. It was feminine and delicate. And The Earth King had been so distressed when he thought he had lost it.

At first he demurred that the necklace didn't belong to anyone important. But the Earth King belongs to the Zuko school of lying (ie he is terrible at it.) I saw right through that. I said gently, that he could talk to me if he wished. The benefit of confiding in me was that I was a_ woman of no consequence_ (according to Pakku). I promised that I would never tell a soul, if he did wish to confide in someone. This seemed to persuade the Earth King or perhaps he just wanted to unburned himself and he'd never had anyone to talk to about it.

Either way, he gestured for me to sit down on the stone bench that he'd been sitting on a moment ago and he told me a little story. The necklace had belonged to a peasant woman. A beautiful peasant woman called Song. I remarked gently that gold was a mighty fine thing for a peasant woman to own (in fact I know of no peasants who own any gold). The Earth King said that he had bought it for her, when he sold the last of his royal belongings – as a token of his affection for her. She'd worn it every day they were together.

Oh.

The Earth King had met her on his travels. She was a healer and she offered him shelter. And he'd ended up staying with her for months and months. They had fallen in love. But then Pakku and his mother had found him and made him come back to his responsibilities and he'd had to leave Song behind.

I asked him why. Why did he have to leave her behind if he loved her? He was the King for goodness sake! If he wanted to, he could have brought her with him. But the Earth King said that would have been impossible. She was a peasant. She was completely ill suited. She would never be accepted in this life.

At that point Aang popped his head silently round the hedge. I waved him off quickly, because I knew that the Earth King wouldn't want to be interrupted confessing this. Also Aang has all the tact rampaging platypus bear. Aang nodded in acknowledgement and ducked back around the hedge.

The Earth King told me that Song had given him the necklace back, on the day he left, as a token to remember her by. That was why he had been so wretched at the thought of losing it. I made all the soothing noises, but I didn't really know what to say to make him feel better. I didn't know what to do about this sort of heart ache.

_You want to know what the worst thing of it is? _The Earth King asked me. I did. The Earth King confessed that he had never told this woman how much he loved her, and that thought haunted him. They would never see each other again, and she would never know. _If I had a chance to do it all again, I would have just told her how I felt. When you love someone, you should tell them._ It seemed like he was almost thinking aloud when he said this. I didn't know what to say in response.

A gong sounded, and the Earth King got up abruptly and excused himself in a brisk sort of tone. I stayed seated and gazed after the Earth King, feeling eight different types of sorry for him. I was a bit lost in thought.

Aang came over and sat next to me, but I wasn't really listening. By the time I realised he was speaking to me and tried to tune back in, I had missed most of what he had been saying. He was either talking about something being perfect or sherbert.

I told Aang that I was really sorry, but I had missed what he'd said. Aang looked decidedly crestfallen at this. I asked him to tell me again, now that he had my complete attention, but he wouldn't. There was a slightly awkward pause, which I filled.

There was a question that was just eating away at me. I turned to Aang and asked _do you like it when I argue with you? _Aang looked decidedly stunned by this question. But then he quickly said that _he didn't like arguing with me at all_. He seemed to think that this was the right thing to say and smiled hopefully at me. It wrenched my heart a little to hear it. I think that must have showed on my face.

Aang quickly tried to "make it better". He said _But Don't worry Katara! We never really argue anyway. We __**agree on everything!**_He said this in such a cheerful tone and I didn't have the heart to say that we didn't agree on everything...not even half of everything...not really. I just had made a concious effort not to argue with him.

All my conversations this evening were depressing me.

But at this moment, I was saved by my Dad. He was looking for me. He told Aang that he needed to talk to me. Then he gave Aang **a look.** Aang left a little sheepishly. Dad came and sat down next to me and gave me a little smile. Dad said that he had been looking for me everywhere. He'd just had the most **ridiculous conversation** with Pakku.

Pakku had given my Dad a similar spiel to what he'd given me. Well not the exact same spiel. I mean, Pakku wasn't trying to talk Dad into marrying Han, after all. But he had outlined the many benefits of a Han/Me union.

There has now been _a scene _between Dad and Pakku and my Dad has stormed off in high dudgeon. (Ah, now I know which side of the family I get that from.)

Dad wanted to assure me that he would _never wish for me to be married to such an idiot as _Han (who he has now had the joy of meeting). Dad said that when I marry an idiot, it will be **an idiot completely of my own choosing. **He was smiling at me and teasing me and trying to cheer me.

I've never loved my Dad more.

We took a the piss out of Pakku and Han a little bit. Dad told me about how he met "my future husband" but had apparently frightened the crap out of Han. Han had taken to hiding from Dad under the drinks table. It's probably fair to say that Han is not the bravest of men. I am sensing that some shenanigans went on after I had stormed out.

I told Dad that I was willing to take the chance of not marrying Han soon, even though, according to Pakku, my looks would go one day. Dad puffed his chest up and said _excuse me? Your looks will go? We are from the southern water tribe. Our looks don't go... they mature._

I asked Dad, in all seriousness, if he really didn't mind. Pakku did have a point. The match would be beneficial diplomatically and politically. There was a huge disparity of wealth and a fair bit of simmering ill feeling between our tribes. The match could bring the South lots of riches. Dad smiled at me gently and tilted up my chin and said with equal seriousness, that I would never be happy with a man like Han. My happiness was worth more to dad than **all the riches in the world. **We hugged. I was just so glad to know that my Dad is really on my side.

The Gong for dinner went. Dad and I started to walk towards the dining hall. Dad said that he was glad I had decided against Han. I could join him and Sokka in the 'naughty corner' at dinner and we could make fun of "my future husband" some more.

As much as I wanted to, I had come to a decision while talking to my Dad. Now that I knew I had Dad's support, I would sit next to Han at dinner. That way I would get to be in the middle of the head table, which was a position of respect after all.

People had to listen when someone from the middle of the head table spoke.

I now found that I had something that I very much wanted to say.

-o-

Author's notes.

So sorry for the lack of updates my wonderful readers! Thanks a million everyone for being so patient with me. Prac has been wonderful, and my students are great fun, but teaching has cut into my writing time a fair bit. However I did find the time to write out this little snippet. This chapter was originally planned to be a lot longer, but if I make you guys wait til I have finished writing it, you will be waiting til next week. So I've posted this little bit to tied you guys over.

So in this chapter Katara gets relationship advice from Ty Lee. We also get to re-encounter some wonderful old friends like the Earth King and Pakku. Yes the Song that the Earth King is in love with is **that Song. **I got the idea of the Earth King falling in love with her on his travels through his kingdom from the wonderful Kimberly T and her fic _sacrifices!_ Seriously though, Song is lovely – who wouldn't fall in love with her. (this is going to cause some awkwardness for Zuko - but everything in my fics usually does). I also got the idea of simmering tensions between the water tribes from Kimberly T's fic _Operation risk Management –_ which I highly recommend.

But doesn't make **so much sense** that there would be a little bit of ill feeling between the tribes. Look at the difference in wealthy, population and prestige between the two tribes in book 1. The South is a struggling tribe clinging to existence and fighting for survival everyday. The North is a large and expansive metropolis that is well protected. Then keep in mind that the South was of equal size and status as the North at one point. For at least 80 years (the FN uniforms they have date back 80 years – meaning they have not encountered firenation people since then) the North let the Firenation hammer away at their sister tribe in the South and they never once sent help or assistance. Yue and Katara are both the daughters of chieftains, but due to the disparity in wealth between their tribes, Yue is a princess and Katara is a "peasant."

So the frosty relationship between the two tribes will be an issue in coming chapters. It makes much more sense diplomatically, to present a united front, but both tribes want very different things from these negotiations.

We will get to see Yugoda again (because I liked her) and there will be some shenanigans with Han (Pakku ships Hantara). Pakku agreed to teach Katara, but lets face it, he was exceptionally sexist before their duel. I would argue that have such deeply held lifelong attitudes would make it very hard for Pakku to change completely. He doesn't want to extend the concessions he's allowed Katara to the rest of womenkind. So when he wants to help Katara out, he is still looking at the problem through his traditional, sexist Northern Watertribe lens.

I wanted his attitude to reflect some of the more common sexist attitudes that I have seen expressed towards Katara by some canon shippers. Aang likes her, and theoretically that should be enough. Katara's feelings don't factor in at all. You actually see this across fandoms. Character A likes character B, therefore character B should be grateful and reciprocate.

His pitch to Katara re: marrying Han also contains a few other commonly held views; Men don't like women who argue, or women who are physically stronger. In our culture, women are idealised as gracious and graceful. These are seen as good and feminine traits for a woman to have. In the same manner that boys are encouraged to "be strong" - young girls are encouraged to "be gentle." This is something that happens across cultures, to varying degrees. I imagine that in a very gender segregated society like the NWT, such views would be even more prevalent. Pakku knows how NWT people think, and he knows that Katara's battle prowess and argumentative nature will make it more difficult for her to find a NWT husband. Katara is very far from the NWT ideal that Yue was.

Lets talk about Yue and Han and how obviously miserable Yue was and how very disrespectful Han was towards him. Yet their engagement is never called off. Arnook must be able to see a) how unhappy his daughter is with her father's choice of husband for her and b) how much Han disrespect Yue. But either he does not take his daughter's feelinsg into account, or he thinks so highly of Han as a potential leader that he is willing to overlook Han's treatment of his daughter.

I lean towards the latter, and that is why Han has been named heir. Yue was Arnook's only child – whoever married her would be chief one day (Because Yue certainly wasn't going to be allowed to wield any power). Arnook must think highly of Han to choose him to marry his daughter (once again Yue had no say in this decision). Han is the person who Arnook choose to be chief in his stead – for whatever reason. So in the aftermath of the war and Yue's death, I can see Chief Arnook naming Han as heir.

Note: This is not to say that Chief Arnook did not love his daughter. I am sure he did. He just grew up in a culture that valued men much more over women and treated women as property. In fact I think Arnook might be as sexist as Pakku was at the start of his arc – Arnook is downright smarmy and dismissive to Katara when he insists that she apologise to Pakku. He is never seen growing past this, which makes me think that his sexist attitude will have endured.

So the Water tribes don't seem to intermingle with other races and Pakku longs for a return to simpler days when nobody intermingled. In fairness to Pakku, he has been dealing with a fair few szhmozzles from the colonies as a result of the firenation and the earth kingdom intermingling there – and he thinks that only disaster can result from any intermingling. The colonies would be a bit of a mess and it is going to be a massive issue for the FN and the EK to sort out.

However I also wanted to point out how ridiculous I thought a particular plot point was in "the promise" specifically Aang's idea that the firenation just needs to get the hell out of the EK and everything will be just dandy.

Err bless Aang's cotton socks, but no, just no. Some of those colonies have been there over 100 years and you can't just _uncolonised_ a place. I see that the only sensible solution is that eventually these colonies would emerge as self-governing countries or principalities in their own right. For now there would be a fair bit of sorting out to do, before that can happen.

Pakku, who shares Aang's feelings about keeping the nations separate, is a bit aghast at having to deal with all the problems that have resulted from "mixing". The NWT is very isolationist in nature anyway, and seeing the schmozzles in the rest of the world will probably just make them even more likely to stay behind their ice walls.

I mean the NWT, realistically, has to come out of isolation and participate in the world – but I can see why many of the NWT people would be resistance to change and difference.

The Water tribes just seem to stick to the water tribes. They don't seem to inter-marry at all. Because Katara is the daughter of a chief, Pakku sees that it is only right that she marry for status. In Pakku's mind, that leaves her with two options; Han or Aang. Pakku leans towards Han because marrying Han will give her more power and status in the Watertribes.

Err other things in this chapter:

The EK also has a rigid power/class structure. Because Katara does not intimately know the Earth King and the Dowager the way she knows Zuko and Iroh, she feels a little more like and outsider and a little inferior. The SWT is clearly not very wealthy and the Earth King would be disgustingly rich. The Dowager would have welcomed them formally, but because Katara is so used to Iroh's warmth, it feels a little perfunctory – and in many respects it is.

The Dowager is the power behind the throne. Because Kuei is not that forceful of a king. Bless him, he just seemed a bit hopeless at it. After the departure of Long Feng from court – some one would have needed to fill that power vacuum. Enter mummy dearest. The Dowager would have made it absolutely clear to her son that he could not bring a peasant home as his wife. So Kuei gave her up. How the influence of the dowager will play out in Kuei's actions as king and in his love life will be revealed in the coming chapters.

Zuko is leaving Piandao as regent-administrator while he and Iroh are in Ba Sing Se, because I think that Piandao would be the only other person he would trust with that job. Za Jei is staying to keep law and order. Piandao and Zuko have had an interesting chat (which I will write into a drabble post-haste).

As a result of their talk, Zuko is very keen to talk to Katara and is most surprised to be rebuffed by her. He really wouldn't know what he has done wrong this time. Zuko snaps and lashes out at people and he honestly wouldn't have registered the fact that he lashed out at Katara last chapter when he was upset. So he's a bit confused by her attitude – and then he's a little defensive and voila, they have a weird argument over nothing. (Don't worry lovelies, they will make up! But they will be dorks about it).

Katara, for her part, is getting a bit fed up with the Gloomy shenanigans. She was hurt by Zuko going off with Mai and she's admitted that to herself now. She is trying act "aloof" as a way of getting Zuko's attention. The way Zuko is with Mai is the only time Katara's seen him in a relationship and she's noticed how Mai treats him with out right disdain most of the time. Seriously, in canon, Mai frequently talks to Zuko disdainfully when they are out in public. I don't know how much of this is their 'public persona' and how much of it is their actual relationship. But from Katara's POV, she only really sees Mai being very dismissive and aloof with Zuko and his feelings.

Katara reasons that perhaps Zuko likes girls who treat him that way and she tries to replicate Mai's attitude. However this is not how Katara and Zuko are together and it is not how Katara relates to people. Katara can't do disdainful aloofness very well and she doesn't feel true to herself.

Sokka is a bit aghast by Katara's story of "her friend." He sees straight through that. He is a water tribe genius after all. He knows that Zuko is going to come bothering him in the middle of the night again and will most likely interrupt his time with Suki inadvertently. Alas poor Sokka! But Sokka's problems are only just beginning. He is going to be reminded of Yue and how much he loved her frequently over the coming chapters and this will put him in some awkward positions.

Also coming up (hopefully next chapter, when I get around to writing it) Yugoda will have a few revelations for Katara. The airship will land and the Gang will be reunited. Jet will return, with Smellerbee and Longshot. Shenanigans will ensue...as usual.

Til then my lovelies!


	14. No War in Ba Sing Se

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

No war in Ba Sing Se.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

trigger warning: Non-con and sexual abuse alluded to.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

So dinner was eventful.

Very eventful.

After all the usual diplomatic blah blah about how our two tribes were coming together for the first time in 80 years and more blah blah about water-tribe pride, dinner got under way. I was sitting next to Han, who was spent most of the time_ being nasty._ By nasty I mean he'd stare at my boobs and make lame double entendres that I'm sure were_ meant_ to be witty and sexy, but in reality they were just sleazy. This display, oh spirits, was Han "putting on the charm" for me. I put up with it because I needed to sit next to him to give my speech – but oh how powerfully did I feel the urge to say _not in a million years – you're so nasty – leave me alone. _Thankfully I had Aang next to me on the other side, so I could spend the majority of time talking to him and trying to ignore Han.

I was planning on waiting until between the entrees and the main to give a rant about women's rights to the complete cohort of northern water tribe men. They needed to hear it **even more** than my tribe did. I wanted to wait for between courses. Everyone would be here and seated and no one would storm out. Everyone in my tribe will put up with_ anything _for meat. Waiting till just before the meat course would give me at least 10 full minutes to make my various points. This was my plan. It was a great plan.

But things never really go according to the plans we make in out head.

Yugoda came into dinner a little bit late. I was actually delighted to see her. I didn't even know she was here. We had a small exchange of waves. She was sitting not far from me (not at the head table, but just a few seats down from it). She was looking a little tired since I last saw her. She made a polite excuse and said that she had been held up with the Joo Dees again.

The Joo Dees? What?

The man next to her ( I later learned he was her husband) snorted derisively and said he didn't know why she bothered with hopeless cases like that. Then her husband chastised her for being late over the Joo Dees. He talked to her like she was small child in front of everyone.

My Dad was sitting near her and he tried to "make it better". Dad hates seeing people embarrassed in public. He introduced himself to Yugoda, and said that he had heard nothing but great things about Yugoda from me. He said that he didn't know who the Joo Dees were, but if she felt that they were a worthy investment of her time, then he was sure that they were.

Yugoda smiled gratefully at my Dad and said that the Joo Dees did take up a great deal of her time. The rest of the Northern watertribe already knew about them, but Yugoda explained for us. They were women who had been brainwashed and terribly abused in Ba Sing Se.

Oh my spirits. I had never gave the Joo Dees much thought before. But now that I did, I was horrified.

For some reason, the plight of the Joo Dees seemed to amuse Han slightly. Well, he choose this moment to ask if we wanted to hear a joke about the Joo Dees. Then without waiting for a response he proceeded to tell the most tasteless joke I have ever heard.

He started with _what do you tell a Joo Dee with two black eyes?_ Then his voice did that thing that Sokka's does when he thinks he's about to say something really funny. It got a little more high pitched as he said _Nothing! You've already told her twice. _Then Han and a few other northerners had a right good chortle over that. Yugoda made an exceptionally unhappy face.

And I **lost my nut** in a big way.

Look Han's "little joke" was the last straw.

I told my would-be-husband-if-Pakku-got-his-way _exactly_ what I thought of him, his little joke and of the Northern watertribe in general (none of that was ...err, very flattering). I then, oh spirits, I can't believe I did this in front of everyone... Han said something about how I just needed to** cool my tits **(yes he used _that phrase_) and then he leaned towards me (in an inappropriately intimate manner, if my opinion) and whispered that he knew that this little tirade was because I was obviously sexually frustrated...but it's okay, Han could _help me out_ with that.

And here is where it got_ really _undignified.

I couldn't think of anything to say that would adequately express my very strong reactions to Han's proposal. I don't have the words to express that much revulsion. Suddenly, unbidden, I remembered something that Zuko had said at his coronation party. _Sometimes when life is just too ridiculous, and a situation is just trying beyond words, the only sensible solution is for someone to get hit with a snack tray. _

So Han was hit with a snack tray.

I skipped over a few steps in the decision making process and I reached down and grabbed it and bopped him straight over the head. One good solid bop!

I felt great for one second.

But then I felt terrible.

I'd made a spectacle of myself and this sort of behaviour would embarrass my Dad and make all the northerners think that they were right all along about us southerners. I heard the way they whispered about us. _Uncouth, uncivilised, undignified. _And now I had gone and proved that point for them.

I was banished from the top table by Arnook and sent to sit with my father and brother. But as I walked past Yugoda, I swear she winked at me. But I can't be sure.

-o-

Aang was the next to make **a scene.**

Aang has now found out about Seige of the North from bloody chief Arnook. You'd think the chief would have more common sense and just more damn tact – but no. Well, in fairness, chief Arnook did not know that Aang doesn't remember what he did in the Avatar state.

What happened was Aang was still at the top table (he had yet to disgrace himself like me and dad.) He was being congratulated a whole bunch for his avatar-ness– which Aang enjoys. Then he started being congratulated on how much he had **fucked things up for the firenation **– and Aang started to look uncomfortable at that.

Arnook was cracking himself up over how Aang left Ozai alive "just to mess with those motherfuckers". Arnook was under the impression that Aang had done this to deliberately destabilise the whole firenation (rather than out of a misguided adherence to his beliefs).

Aang really looked uncomfortable now. Aang already knows he made **a mistake **Ozai – But I think he and Zuko are cool with it. Zuko and Iroh never harp on at Aang about it, at least.

Arnook **harped on.** It was congratulatory harping on – but that didn't make it any better for Aang. He said that it was so nice that Aang had ensured that there would be infighting in the firenation. The_ firenation fighting itself_ seemed like an apt punishment to Arnook.

Aang spoke up and tried to very politely disagree with Arnook. He said that he hadn't left Ozai alive to destabilise the firenation, or punish them or potentially start a civil war. He'd done it because he believed in the sanctity of life. This got him a **good loud laugh **from the top table. They laughed for a fair bit. Aang was slapped on the back by Arnook, who said _Oh Avatar Aang, how you do joke!_

Aang was very confused about why anyone would think he was joking. He is completely sincere in his belief in the sanctity of life. Aang asked for a explanation as to why Arnook thought he was joking. Arnook told him, despite the fact that me and Sokka were making huge and frantic "shut-up-now" gestures.

For so long, we have been keeping what happened at the Siege of the North from Aang. Miraculously, we had been able to keep it from him the whole time we were in the firenation. All that work and effort keeping this secret from Aang - only to have Arnook go a blab it out thoughtlessly at a dinner party.

The secret all spilled out like water from a glass. Indeed, that is almost what it felt like. You know when you just knock a glass over off a table and the glass always seems to fall in slow motion. There is always that split second where you think to yourself _maybe I can stop it? Maybe I can catch it in time._ But gravity and Arnook's big mouth are both immutable forces of the universe.

Aang looked at Arnook in confusion and slowly dawning horror as Arnook explained. _Well... you know...you __**did decimate **__the entire northern fleet in such a spectacular manner..._Arnook's common sense kicked in a few moments too late. He trailed off as he looked at Aang's horror-struck face. Aang asked, in a soft voice, _what do you mean decimated their fleet – nobody was killed - were they? _

Chief Arnook seemed to realise his error and choose _now _to be delicate. He demurred about how they didn't need to discuss it now, not at dinner. Aang got rather cross (by Aang standards) and he stood up and demanded Chief Arnook tell him what he meant. Arnook got a bit defensive in the face of Aang's angry tone and shot back _Lots of people were killed! What do you think decimating a fleet means? _

Aang recoiled and looked devastated. Arnook looked sorry. He said, more gently, _You sank almost every single one of their ships. The water was below freezing. Not even firebenders can last that long in freezing water._ At that moment Aang started backing away from the head table very rapidly. Arnook kept trying to "make it better" - when he really should have shut up like five minutes ago. He said kindly _You saved us, the only way you could. There was nothing else to be done._

This did not have the effect Arnook wanted. It didn't calm or comfort Aang. Instead Aang put up his scooter and zoomed away faster than I have ever seen him move.

_Oh Aang. _

I knew deep down, that I couldn't protect him forever. It was like the Southern Air Temple all over again. Aang was always going to find out. It was just a matter of when. should have told him before now. In a calm and quiet place. He shouldn't have had to find out like this. I set off after him.

-o-

I searched for Aang high and low. I found him in the new avatar suite. He had flung himself down on the bed and was sobbing his heart out. The sobs were shaking his body. I felt that twisting horrible feeling in my gut. I felt so furious at Arnook for making Aang feel this way. I went straight over to Aang and lay next to him on the bed and pulled him into a big hug. He held me and cried.

I soothed and shushed and hushed and said all the comforting things that you are meant to say. But I didn't know how to make this better. Aang was such an innocent sweet kid and he clung to his Air Nomad beliefs like a drowning man clings to a life raft and hopes for salvation. Now he had found out that he had killed a vast amount of people – and it has turned his whole world upside down.

As mad as I was at Arnook, I was angrier at myself. This was my fault. I have always tried to take care of Aang and protect Aang from everything and shield him from the world and reality. It was too much for Aang. I knew that the weight of it all would just crush his gentle spirit.

I tried to lighten his load. I told him that, as horrible as all those people dying was, it was something that had to happen. If Aang hadn't done what he did at the North Pole, there would be no more Northern Water Tribe. Furthermore, it was war – and there were always terrible casualties in war. That's what war was, in my opinion, one long stream of senseless deaths. All these senseless deaths were no one's fault...especially not Aang's. Aang had done his duty and saved the water tribes.

Aang had stilled by this point – but as I said the word _duty_ his face clouded. He asked, in a soft and sad voice _do you think my duty as avatar will always involve killing?_ I was so taken aback by the question that I just gasped. I denied it quickly – but perhaps not quick enough for Aang. Aang shrank further in on himself and pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them tight and shied away from me.

I reached for him and he pulled away from me. This stung a little. He asked me in a soft, but slightly angry voice _why didn't anyone tell me? _I confessed that I had made everyone promise not to tell him. I said that we had found out just before Sozin' s comet, and none of us had wanted to upset Aang then (or for Aang to run away – and look at how that ended up).

His next question surprised me greatly. _How on earth did you get Zuko to agree to all this secrecy? _Aang was a bit pissed off that Zuko, at least, hadn't seen fit to tell him, seen as though there was such a large number of firenation casualties.

I remembered that day – the day of the memorial ceremony, and how upset Zuko had been. How angry he'd been that Aang didn't know. I remembered how we'd gotten drunk together on firewhiskey and toasted his lost crew.

I said that he had wanted to – he had wanted Aang to know. But I had asked him not to. Aang made an unreadable face at that. I had absolutely no idea what he was thinking. He muttered _well this certainly makes the way everyone was acting around me in the firenation make sense now _under his breath with a great deal of disgruntlement.

I tried to comfort him again. I said that I just didn't want Aang to have to bear this burden on his soul. I had just been trying to protect him. _Protect me from the truth?_Aang asked in an accusatory tone.

Yes. Exactly that. Yes.

I said that all I wanted to do was look after Aang and protect him. So yes, I wanted to protect Aang from the truth, if the truth would only hurt him. I wanted to protect him from anything that would ever hurt him. And if that made me the bad guy, then okay. But I was still going to look out for Aang in anyway I could. I don't know if Aang was mollified by this or not.

There was a short silence and it seemed like Aang was collecting his thoughts. Eventually he said _Monk Gyatso was always trying to protect me from the truth too. The other elders in the temple wanted me training non-stop, but Monk Gyatso wouldn't let them press me that hard. I thought they were just doing it to be horrible...but now I realise... they knew the war was coming and they were afraid. But Monk Gyatso liked to pretend that everything was fine and nothing had to change just because I was the Avatar. __**He didn't want me to give up who I was...just because I was the avatar.**_

I said that Monk Gyatso sounded very wise. Aang looked away from me and out the window. He was looking at the sky and the clouds so intently. He sat up a little straighter. It was like thinking about Monk Gyatso gave him some sort of certainty. He turned back to me and said _he was wise _with a great deal of solemnity. _What would Gyatso think of all this?_ Aang asked quietly.

I laid my hand on Aang's shoulder and said that I was sure that Gyasto would _understand. _ Some times desperate times call for desperate measures.

Aang disagreed with me and told me that Monk Gyatso believed the opposite. Gyatso had absolutely put his foot down when the other monks wanted to teach Aang **lung bending** because of the growing trouble with the firenation. It was one of the darkest forms of airbending and was utterly and completely forbidden by all air nomad teachings. It was the ability to pull the air out of someone's lungs. Very fast. Very Fatal. Very evil.

Their fear of the coming war made the other elders willing to abandon their beliefs and desecrate the scared teachings in the hope of sure victory. But Monk Gyatso had said no. Being the Avatar was about bringing peace and balance. The Avatar was** not meant to hurt people. **

As soon as Aang said that out loud, it was like a sudden jolt went through him. He sat up abruptly, wiped his face and said that he was going back to the dinner. Chief Arnook and the rest of the northern water tribe thought that the Avatar was all about hurting people. They thought that these peace negotiations would give them some vengeance – rather than a lasting peace. It was Aang's duty to set them straight.

We strode back to the dining hall together. Aang was walking purposely. He wasn't running any more.

_-o-_

Aang delivered an inspiring speech to the tribes. He strode back in and stood on his chair and put two fingers in his mouth and made the most enormous whistle. That got everyone's attention. Aang then announced that he had something to say.

He addressed Chief Arnook and the Northern Water Tribes in general and reminded them that he had saved them when he merged with the ocean spirit. He said that while he was happy to have helped save them – he would be even happier if no one ever, _ever_ called him a hero for what he did that night. Killing all those people was not at all heroic. It was the least Avatar-like thing Aang had ever done.

Aang said that he would like to make one thing absolutely clear to everybody - This peace negotiation was going to be about PEACE! It was not going to be about punishing the firenation. Aang said that he would like to remind everyone that the firenation were coming here to negotiate a peace on their own accord. And while Aang had stopped Ozai, he had not stopped the war singlehandedly. The war had stopped because of Firelord Zuko and General Iroh. Aang said that he knew that Zuko and Iroh were dedicated to peace – Arnook and the Northern water tribe should be equally as willing to compromise. If there was to be lasting peace, then the North needed to let go of their anger.

There was much polite scepticism from Arnook. He said that he appreciated Aang's position as Avatar – but letting go of his anger was not going to happen for Arnook. Not after he lost Yue the way he did. The water tribes have memories older than the icebergs. Previous experience has shown that being diplomatic with the firenation is like trying to_ reason _with a rampaging snowleopardbear.

_It's just not worth it. _

Sokka piped up in support of Aang. The mention of Yue had stirred something in Sokka. He said that Yue had sacrificed herself to save her tribe. She was a good and kind and gentle person. She wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want revenge. She'd want peace. Arnook snapped at Sokka to never lecture him on what his daughter would have wanted. Dad snapped at Arnook for snapping at Sokka.

Undignified male squabbling ensued.

Dad defended Sokka's wisdom and Aang's position and even Zuko's ability as firelord. Arnook got stroppy back and tried to throw his weight around as the leader of the bigger, more populous and more wealthy tribe. He insinuated that the north was so affluent because of his influence as leader – therefore, he should be listened to over my Dad, because Dad's leadership had brought our tribe nothing but increased hardship. Dad said the only reason why the North was so fucking affluent was because they were fucking cowards who stayed safe behind their icewalls.

It looked like there was going to be inelegant fisticuffs (the north like to act like they're better than us, but they are not above inelegant fisticuffs).

But suddenly Yugoda diffused the situation like some situation diffusing god. She banged a gong with much alacrity. When she had everyone's attention – she apologised for interrupting the...negotiations, but she just wanted to inform everyone that softshell creams were being served with blubbered rum in the east balcony (this was a favourite desert in the north) and Honeycrunch crumble with ice wine (a delicacy in my tribe) was being served on the west. She advised people to pick their refreshments. There was some bitter muttering, but mostly our tribes split along the middle. My tribe (and Aang) went west, the Northerners went east. Peace was temporarily returned.

Yugoda is a clever woman.

I took the chance to tell her so, after all the menfolk had left. She smiled gratefully at me and gave me another little wink and said that she learned that little trick from my Gran Gran. Gran Gran apparently used to say that food bribery was the only way to get any sensible behaviour out of the menfolk. I said a few choice things about the menfolk. Yugoda tilted her head at me and remarked curiously _you really are serious about the whole __**women's rights **__thing aren't you? _

I was a bit taken aback by this comment. I mean wasn't every woman? Didn't every woman want to be treated equally? Yugoda said simply, that she had been treated unequally her whole life and she had learnt various ways around it. I said that just because she had been treated unequally her whole life didn't make unequal treatment right – it just meant that she was used to it. Yugoda said _you do just get __**so used**__ to it_ simply.

She seemed so perplexed by the whole women's rights thing. She was the first other Water Tribe woman that I had spoken too about this and she just acted like the fact that men thought they were superior to us was just something that women had to get used to. I asked her if she was trying to tell me to back off.

She snapped her head around at that and said _of course not! _quite spiritedly. She looked at me kindly and said_ no, you've got far too much of your grandmother in you to give up now. _I asked her if she agreed with me then, about women's equality. Really I just wanted to hear another water tribe woman say it. Yugoda said _I'm going to tell you a little something about me. I am widely renowned as one of the __**best healers the Northern Water Tribe has ever seen.**__..yet my husband still talks to me like __**I am fool. **__Tui and La, do I agree with you. _

Conversation moved on to healing. Yugoda had apparently gotten a messenger hawk from Doctor Yang, near the start of my apprenticeship. Mostly Dr Yang was enquiring about what Yugoda had taught me, so she wouldn't overlap. But then they had started exchanging letters frequently about the different healing techniques. Dr Yang had never let on at all to me – which seems a little sneaky.

Yugoda smiled and said that no matter how she tried to explain water healing – it still seemed to mystify Dr Yang. Her tendency to call it "my powers" continues in her letters. Dr Yang had suggested if Yugoda ever got the time, she could try and give me more training with "my powers" as that was something that Dr Yang would not be able to help me with at all.

Yugoda smiled at me and said _but I know that you were not very fond of learning healing with me – so I wont press you into doing it. _I told her that I would absolutely love to learn more about water bending healing with her. If there was more to know - I wanted to know it. I offered my services in helping her with the Joo Dees. Yugoda smiled sadly and said _yes..well, we need all the help we can get. _

-0-

Early the next morning I got up to meet Yugoda and she walked me to the very lowest levels of the Palace. We had to through several sets of guards, but they all let Yugoda pass. Deeper and deeper we went, while Yugoda asked me all sorts of questions about my apprenticeship with Dr Yang, what I had learned etc. I told her everything and she nodded along with me.

She then told me what she and a few other healers had been doing with the Joo Dees and filled me on the situation. _Sweet spirits _it is so much worse than I thought. I feel this odd guilt in the centre of my stomach. I thought of the two Joo Dees who served us and their blank empty faces. I thought of that horrible room full of them that we'd passed when looking for Appa.

I'd just walked right past it.

Yugoda has been here for weeks. She first noticed something funny about the Joo Dees – who at that time were still serving as guides/guards of all the guests of the Earth Kingdom. Yugoda had done a bit of investigating (she is wily) and found out all about the Joo Dees. She had kicked up a big stink, and Pakku had backed her up. Because had been administrator then, the Joo Dees had fallen under Yugoda's supervision – within limits.

The Joo Dees are still classified as prisoners – under the artifice that they knew delicate information, so they were not allowed to be treated at a normal hospital, with fresh air and sunlight, which was what Yugoda would have preferred. Instead they were kept in a specially designed hospital ward, deep under the palace while they recovered. Yugoda used the term _recovered_ loosely. So far none had completely recovered their minds, despite her team's best efforts.

Yugoda told me that Joo Dees were normally poor refugee women who had caught the misfortune of drawing attention of the Dai Li. Most Dai Li prisoners were thrown in the various secret prisons all over Ba Sing Se. The 'pretty women' however, were selected for an entirely different form of punishment. They had their minds ...tampered with... The Dai Li would wipe their minds clean of all the memories, and all the personality and then all that would be left was an empty-eyed, completely compliant woman.

In this blank state, the Joo Dees would be **used**... I foolishly interject _used as guides?_ here. My only previous experience with the Joo Dees were the two who had acted as our guides. But Yugoda looked at me soberly and just said_ if they were lucky. _

Oh.

I thought about what other things Yugoda could have meant by _used_, and came to the most logical conclusion. Yugoda was still talking, she was explaining in clinical terms, that they women who had been used by men were often more..._broken_ than the women who had been used as spies or guides. So far none of those Joo Dees had recovered any of their memories and Yugoda found that her technique often brought out adverse reactions in them. Some of them had been treated very ill, but they had been brainwashed to the extent that they didn't fight back or try to escape. They didn't even know they were being held prisoner.

I was revolted. My stomach rebelled.

I lost the entire contents of my stomach and Yugoda fussed over me and apologised for her comments. As horrible as knowing these things was, I was glad that she was talking to me like and adult and telling me the truth. So I collected myself and we continued walking.

Yugoda explained that she was trying to reverse the Dai Li process, through working collaboratively with the Earth Kingdom healers. She was using the water to sooth the trouble minds of the Joo Dees and help them recall memories. It was so tricky because many of these women had forgotten completely who they were, so it was hard to remind them of their lives before. Yugoda was having some success with the women who had been Joo Dees for less than a year. More than a year meant that their minds had been tampered with a great deal – Yugoda hoped that with more time recuperating and without the constant brainwashing, these women too, would also begin to recover.

The women who had been sexually abused were kept in a separate ward, where they were made comfortable and cared for. But Yugoda was going to give it a little bit of time before she tried her technique with these women again. Their trauma was too great and often any attempt to help them recover memories brought up things_ best not remembered. _

-o-

Yugoda showed me this technique that she has been working on to calm the mind and to prompt memories. It is a little like what I did with Jet, when we found out he was brainwashed. Only it is more technically complex. Also with Jet, I knew who he was and what his past was like and so it was a little easier to prompt real memories from him. It is much trickier with the Joo Dees because they were such blank slates and came from such a wide variety of places.

-o-

I would introduce myself kindly and always get the same response. A very polite _hello, I am Joo Dee. _Then I'd put my healing water on their temples and go through the list of questions and prompts that Yugoda had written down for me. Sometimes something triggered a memory and for a brief moment the women would be themselves again.

Yugoda had written out a list of the common places where refugees had come from. I asked the women if they were from any of these places. For one Joo Dee (really called Tai) just hearing the name of her home town was enough. Her eyes lost that glazed look, her smiled dropped and for a moment she was herself again.

She was able to remember the rice fields that surrounded her town, her name and the fact that she had a husband somewhere – I tried to ask a few more questions, to try and find out some contact details for the husband, but her eyes glazed over again and she was Joo Dee once more.

However, we now know her name and where she came from and that is enough to be getting on with. I made up a name tag for her and walked her back to her ward.

The worst moment was when I realised that the Joo Dee I was treating had been the second one that had guided Sokka, Aang, Toph and me around Ba Sing Se. I think I felt guilty for not trying to do anything to help her then, even though I knew something was fishy. I tried extra hard with this Joo Dee.

She has a home and a family who miss her somewhere. So many of these Joo Dees do.

I wanted to see this one back with her family, but for today I would have just settled for her real name. I tried my very best, but she still looked blank and smiled at me eerily. I gave up in defeat after having no progress with her for over an hour. I walked her back to her ward and made her comfortable. I told her that I was _so so sorry _– thought it meant little to her. There was a flicker of something in her eyes and she said _don't be sad dear. Be happy that you are in Ba Sing Se. There is no war in Ba Sing Se. _

It wasn't the war that was making me sad right now. But I did not have the words to explain it and she didn't have the ability to comprehend.

Then I felt so overwhelmed by how horrible everything was. I slumped down against the wall outside the ward and just felt so tired. That was how Yugoda found me when she came to drop off the Joo Dee she'd been working with. I tried to stand up and pretend that I was fine, but Yugoda saw right through that. She pulled me into a hug and called me a _dear girl_ and took me for a tea break.

-o-

Yugoda walked me back up to the water tribe section of the palace and we had a cup of tea together. Yugoda said that I had done enough work for today and should relax for the rest of the afternoon. I tried to protest. I wanted to help. I had seen how many Joo Dees there were. Hundreds and hundreds of blank faced women. I had only seen a handful today and I had only had a break-through with one. Yugoda had such a small team of helpers. I wanted to do something meaningful to help.

Yugoda poured me another cup and offered that if I really wanted to help, there was something I could do that was even more invaluable than another pair of healing hands. I could use my status as a war hero and my powers of persuasion to try convince the Earth King to release the Joo Dees and the other Dai Li prisoners.

If the Joo Dees were no longer classified as prisoners, then Yugoda and the Earth Kingdom healers could treat them at a proper hospital. Right now, the underground wards were a lot like where the Joo Dees had been kept when they were _used_ by the Dai Li. Yugoda felt that this was hindering the healing process for a lot of them.

-o-

It was very fortuitous that an opportunity to speak to the Earth King arose over lunch. We were all back together - Dad and Sokka and Aang were back from a meeting which they had found very tedious. I told them all about the Joo Dees. Sokka and Aang were very vocal about their outrage. Dad just looked very grim and said _fucking hell_ under his breath. I don't know, but seeing my Dad at a loss for words and just swearing angrily like that, well it kind of made me feel better. Like I wasn't being an idiot for being so upset and affected by everything.

I told them about how Yugoda had asked to try and meet with the Earth King and convince him to release the Dai Li prisoners. Aang said that he had a meeting with the Earth King this afternoon, and he'd be delighted if I would come along to. Aang was a bit confused that the Dai Li prisoners were still being held, especially after the end of the war. Yugoda had told me that someone in the earth kingdom bureaucracy felt that the Dai Li had originally arrested all its prisoners for _a reason_ and they were legitimate criminals – so I passed that on.

So Aang and I will go see the Earth King together this afternoon. The meeting is scheduled for just before Zuko and the others are meant to arrive, and Aang has a few other things that he needs to discuss with Kuei, so I will have to be concise. But at least I get a chance to talk to him today – and then Zuko will be here and I can tell him all about everything that has happened and see what he thinks.

I feel stupid and soppy for writing this, but I'm really looking forward to seeing Zuko again. I can't believe how much I've missed his stupid self! It wasn't even just when Pakku was being terrible last night, or when I was with the Joo Dees this morning. I mean whenever I feel gloomy about the state of everything, I want to talk to him. But I also want to talk to him when I'm happy...and confused...and cross.

I want to talk to him all the time.

I've been getting up earlier every day, back in the firenation – because I just can't wait to see him every morning and hear whatever he says next. I was such an idiot for pretending that I didn't want to talk to him and that I wouldn't miss him. I miss him. I'm cross at him. I can't wait to see him again. And it is all a big old mess.

Just as I was getting nervous and excited about seeing him – Sokka piped up that we wouldn't have to rush out meeting with the Earth King. Zuko wasn't going to arrive tonight. There'd been _an incident _on the airhsip. He'd gotten word from Suki.

I felt the bottom fall out of my stomach with dread. I imagined the worst possibilities ever (because my brain instantly leaps to catastrophe). I didn't take into account Sokka's amusement, which wouldn't be there if something terrible had happened.

So when Sokka innocently brandished the letter as proof, I snatched it quick as a flash. I was my worry acting, I swear. I wanted to know how bad it was. Sokka got a bit irate and tried to snatch the letter back (as it was from Suki and contained much lovey doveyness and he was called Smushybear repeatedly in it).

I was not at all worried about Smushy-bear endearments. I only wanted to read the exact details of the incident. We had a small chase, and then a small squabble and then I made Sokka slip on ice and locked myself in my room to read the letter.

-o-

I skipped over all the gross lovey-dovey stuff at the beginning of the letter, and got to the part that interested me. I know it was intrusive etc, but after I started reading, I found that I couldn't stop.

_So, we've had a bit of an incident and aren't going to make our scheduled arrival time. It turns out that Uncle Iroh was the sort of sailor who really did have a woman in every port. The stop in Oyster Bay was publicised. Several of Iroh's old girlfriends have shown up to 're-kindle' things with him. Re-kindle geddit? Because he's a firebender. _

_Anyway, chaos has ensued. Iroh is occupied with his lady friends – Zuko is adamant that Iroh can't bring any of them to Ba Sing Se, especially after **what happened at blue mountain bay. **It was, according to Zuko, apparently **quite disgusting** and lead to engine failure and burns in ...unlikely places for Iroh. _

_The mind boggles ….but neither of them see fit to elaborate further on this incident and quite frankly I am happy to keep it that way. _

_I really don't want to know. _

_Anyway Iroh has decided firmly against two of the women. However, he had his ...err **hands full** with the others, so he asked if Zuko could **let them down gently **for him - which I feel was an unwise suggestion. Toph saw fit to interject here and say that if Uncle let Zuko do the breaking up for him, Zuko would get Uncle accidentally engaged or some shit like that...given his previous track record with trying to break up with people._

_Then Zuko got a bit stroppy. He and Toph had a small argument about him and Gloomy Hairbuns. Gloomy overheard and then it became a three way argument. _

_The words **you smell** – **you smell like the smelliest sock that ever smelled bad. The sort of sock that got all sweaty and gross, but you were feeling too lazy to wash it and you thought you could get one more day out of it – that's how much you smell **were uttered indignantly by Zuko. To which, Toph countered, **your face smells!** This should give you an indication of the maturity level of this argument. _

_Honestly** those two**._

_I had to send them to opposite sides of the airship last night. _

_They never used to squabble. But now Toph is trying to 'fix' Zuko's life by moaning loudly and frequently about how much she hates Gloomy and how much Gloomy sucks, frequently within Gloomy's hearing. Which just gets** a bit awkward** for everybody. I've tried to teach Toph about 'tact' and 'time and place' …..but no dice so far. _

_I mean, I know Toph means well – but Zuko is as stubborn as all fuck and isn't taking her attempts at 'fixing his life for him' very well. Zuko just seems resigned to Gloomy. We had a small, tactful and secret conversation, out of Gloomy's hearing. He just says that he made a choice and now he has to live with the consequences, made his bed and now he has to lie in it etc. (by sheer force of will I managed to avoid making a fabulous pun over that last one...because there is a time and a place for my fabulous puns). _

_Gloomy has been, well rather...she's **not been very nice** to Zuko at the best of times, and this really isn't the best of times. They really aren't very good together. So I can understand why Toph doesn't want them to stay together. But the more Toph bangs on about it, the more pissed off and obstinate Zuko gets. Now he's determined to 'prove Toph wrong' – which is a noble aspiration, but it has to be one of **the worst reasons ever **to stay with someone. _

_So there have been shenanigans aplenty today. We are now five hours behind schedule – but I can't say for sure when we'll be taking off again. We are currently missing some crucial people. _

_Gloomy has now vanished with Rena and Ty Lee - we presume they are getting drunk together. _

_Toph has vanished with Rozin and we hope they are not getting drunk together. _

_Uncle has vanished with one of his lady friends._

_And after they left, a whole bunch of people absconded to go sight-seeing. _

_Zuko went out to try and collect everyone, but it is apparently like **trying to herd cats. **_

_Zuko is now doing that 'woe is me' thing he does. He's getting drunk with Jee on nasty cider, moaning about his life (how is this my life? Why do the spirits hate me?) and complaining that **all girls are crazy** especially when they **get all pissed off for no reason. **_

_Note: I think the main reason Gloomy is pissed off is because we accidentally, kind of...maybe **forgot her** ...just a little... at the last stop. She was in the restaurant toilet, but we thought she was on board and took off. Her mum noticed pretty quickly and we turned the airship back around to pick her up and the whole process only took about ten minutes. _

_However Gloomy **knows** that Zuko **forgot her** again and he's been in trouble with her since then. He really will **never live this one down **and he can't even use lightning brain as an excuse this time. _

_Jee is making many sassy remarks that this is just like old times on their ship. Zuko is grumpy and hates his life, Iroh is off either making his own hot springs or having nasty sex or both, everything is in disarray and we are woefully and dreadfully and irrevocably behind schedule. All they need now is for the cook to do something inappropriate with a Koalasheep in the engine room and **cock up **the gears. _

_There are no koalasheep in Oyster Bay province. _

_I checked. _

_Thank goodness. _

There was no more about Zuko. Indeed the rest of the letter was just lovey-dovey blah blah about how much Cherryblossom missed her Smushybear. I felt like a right idiot for reacting so strongly and snatching the letter. I also felt like I was very much intruding in Sokka's privacy. I opened the door, handed the letter back to him, a little red faced, and apologised.

-o-

I put on my very best dress – the one that had no holes, tears or burn marks. I was trying look as posh as I could for my meeting with the Earth King. I still ended up feeling woefully under-dressed when we were actually all sitting down together for tea. Kuei and the Dowager were both dressed resplendently in the finest silks. Even Aang looked more dignified in his new airnomad robes. I have never really worried that much about my looks before. But looks** really matter** here in Ba Sing Se. I know that I am fairly pretty, but I couldn't help but feel that I didn't look nice enough to be having tea with these people.

However I tried to snap myself out of that as Aang talked about air nomad festivals. I sipped my cup and told myself what Gran Gran always used to say to me. _No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. _Well I did not consent.

The Dowager did most of the speaking. She actually seemed less intimidating today, now that we were sitting down together. She is a small, slight woman who wears very similar glasses to Kuei. They perch on her little nose and make her look somewhat like an owl. She still looked up and down her nose at my dress – but aside from that she had very gracious manners as she poured the tea in the traditional ceremonial manner.

I waited for Aang to finish talking. He talked a lot about how he wanted the peace negotiations to be healing. He wanted these negotiations to be a reconciliation, not retribution. Kuei and the Dowager nodded along. Aang then turned to a matter much closer to his heart. Next Saturday would be the end of the scheduled negotiations – but it would also mark the start of the Air Nomad East Wind Festival and he was hoping that Kuei and the Dowager would consent to celebrating it.

All airnomads were born around the same time in autumn, but their birthdays were celebrated communally with one week long festival. The East Wing festival marked where things begin. Aang hoped that these negotiations would mark the start of a new era. The East Wind had not been celebrated in over 100 years and he could not think of a more fitting way to honour his people and usher in a new era.

The symbolism of Aang's idea was not lost on us. The Dowager agreed very quickly and said that she would love for the Avatar to share his cultural traditions with the city. She had always been a big fan of cultural traditions after all. She added that they could hardly refuse Aang such a simple request when he had saved the whole world.

My conversation was nowhere near as seamless. After Aang was done, I brought up the matter of the Joo Dees. I had honestly thought that it would be like the war and there was no way that Kuei and the Dowager knew about the Joo Dees. I thought that telling them would be enough really. I would tell them, and they would be horrified and do something about it.

But instead it quickly became apparent that they both knew about the Joo Dees, but believed them to be criminals – along with all the other Dai Li prisoners. Well I say they, when really the dowager did most of the talking. She said that while she had disagreed with Long Feng's methods, she believed that he was correct in his pursuit of **maintaining cultural standards. **

The traditions of Ba Sing Se, the principles on which it was founded (fortitude, resilience, honour and duty) needed to be protected. In the Dowager's mind, the Dai Li existed to protect the cultural heritage of Ba Sing Se – they would not go around arresting innocent people willy-nilly. The Dowager just wanted to live in a simpler world, where manners and culture mattered the way they used to. The truth of the Joo Dees did not sit very well with her world view.

It was a very difficult conversation, but I kept my cool and remained reasonable. I ended up actually taking them down to the Joo Dee wards (because sometimes showing is better than telling). I suggested this and the Earth King very quickly agreed that he thought this was a good idea. He wanted to see the truth of the situation for himself.

This little outburst marked the first time he had spoken ahead of his mother. She agreed with him though – but this was mostly because she was rather sceptical of my claims and wanted to see the proof for herself too. That was how they ended up following me along the parts of their own palace that they had never explored.

Yugoda was still down there and still working with the Joo Dees. She was very surprised to have royal guests. She managed well and explained the situation much better than I could – clinically and without overt emotion or judgement. She gave them a small tour. They got to meet the other healers and well as two Joo Dees (names yet unknown). Then she gave them her recommendations -as though the Joo Dee problem was a simple medical problem.

I took them back to the tea room, however the walk back up was much more silent. Kuei and the Dowager both seemed to be thinking hard. It can't be an easy thing – finding out something like this is happening in your own country – under your very nose. I informed them that the problem of cruelly treated prisoners wasn't only confined to the Joo Dee.

I remembered Jet and how he told me he had been arrested for speaking about against firebenders. All those prisoners could be people like Jet, who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. People who made the error of speaking out about the war. No one else should have to die, deep underground, in a place like Lake Laogai – just because they spoke out about the war.

Kuei wanted to instantly call for a release of all Dai Li prisoners, and after a rather long pause, the Dowager agreed that was probably for the best. Kuei went off to make arrangements, leaving Aang and me alone with his mother.

She appeared quite discomfited by her discovery this afternoon. For a few moments she fussed with the tea set and her hair and seemed to want to look anywhere else except at me and Aang. But she did not dismiss us.

I'm not that familiar with Earth Kingdom manners, but I remembered Toph telling me that if someone of a superior rank started talking to us, we could not leave until they had properly dismissed us. So Aang and I stayed.

The Dowager called for more tea – and she did the ceremonial pouring again before she handed Aang and me our cups. _You know, I never once suspected..._ she began awkwardly. She said that she knew Long Feng had ambitions for power – which was not so unforgivable, all things considered. Power ambitions aside, the Dowager had sincerely believed that Long Feng was looking after the cultural heritage of the city. She had never imagined how he had interpreted 'looking after the cultural heritage'.

The Dowager said that we had to understand how important manners and decorum were to the Earth Kingdom. Manners made the Kingdom go round – that was what her mother always told her, and the Dowager sincerely believed that. The cultural heritage, the customs, the ceremonies was what made the Earth Kingdom _the Earth Kingdom, _moreso than the ground beneath our feet. Without the culture to protect, the Earth Kingdom would be no better than the firenation.

There was something in her tone when she said 'no better than the firenation' that I didn't like. I mean in all honesty, considering what I had found out today about the Joo Dees, I would agree with that statement.

The Dowager, however said that she simply meant that, all politics and history aside, the firenation people had **no sense of decorum.** The Dowager is all about decorum and politeness. In her opinion, _stomping about the world "making things happen"_ the way the firenation does, was very ill-mannered. In fact it was just the **height of rudeness.** Not only were they a very cruel race – but they were vulgar to boot!

I thought of Ty Lee and her tendency to talk about naked and thrust her boobs forward when she fancied someone. Dr Yang and her _get the hell out of my way, I am very busy and important_ attitude. Iroh and his tendency towards the inappropriate. Zuko and his... Zukoness. None of them would classify as well-mannered by Earth Kingdom standards, and yet I still felt compelled to defend them. These were people I cared about and I hated hearing the Dowager dismiss them so.

I tried to think of a polite rebuke – considering the Dowager's strong feelings on the subject of rudeness (thank goodness she did not know about me bopping Han on the head with the snack tray). I said that the Dowager had never really interacted with anyone from the firenation...perhaps they would surprise her by how much propriety they had, when they arrived here. The Dowager sipped her tea and just said_ we shall see. _

-o-

The water-tribes chose to have dinner separately tonight (thank goodness). Dad and Sokka praised our success with the Earth King and the Dowager. Aang explained to us more about the East Wind ceremony. Aang was wished an early happy birthday. (Just think, next saturday he'll be 13...or 113, depending on how you look at it). And we all bitched about the Northern Water Tribe. And much fun was had by all.

-o-

The next day, I choose to help Yugoda with the Joo Dees again. A tribal meeting was taking place today, but I was not allowed to attend. It made me cross, but I didn't want to waste my energy on being cross when there was so much to be done for the Joo Dees. They are being moved to the far eastern wing of the Palace, which will serve as their new hospital ward. It is below the servants quarters, but more importantly, it is near the garden and out of the darkness of the underground. Kuei pardoned them all last night, so the Joo Dees are no longer officially prisoners. If only undoing what the Dai Li did to their minds was a simple as a stroke of a pen.

Yugoda sent me along to the rooms, to make sure that everything was ready and in order. Imagine my surprise when I found the Dowager there. She was ordering around a small horde of servants and getting them all to make the place 'ship-shape'. She was personally ensuring that there was a nice big bunch of flowers in every room and that the place looked welcoming. These women would be staying in her palace and she did not want to be a **bad host. **(She actually almost sounded like a Joo Dee herself when she expressed her fear of being a bad host.)

There was so much else that needed to be done, that I felt like arranging flowers at a time like this was a bit silly and superfluous. I felt like saying that these women weren't going to be worried about what kind of host she was – not after they had been _violated_ in the worst possible way. But I refrained. I could see that the flowers had been picked with care and arranged nicely and they did cheer up the rooms remarkably. And I knew that this was the Dowager's way of helping. Not all of us can be healers.

-o-

The rooms are big and bright and airy and overlook the gardens. The Joo Dees seem a bit happier here – although it is hard to tell what they are really feeling. I spent all yesterday and all today with them. I can understand how Yugoda gets so caught up in this. I just feel so elated when I see a flicker of something in one of them. When I help them remember who they are, it buoys my spirits a little. The Dai Li thought that they had wiped these women of their memories and their personality altogether – but every time one of them remembers something, I am reminded that _nothing is lost forever._

-o-

Sokka and Dad and Aang and I watched the steady stream of released prisoners be escorted out of the Palace after dinner. This Palace goes so deep underground that there must be a prison the size of boiling rock down there.

It was a right old procession. There were so many faces and so many people. The Guards ushered them along through the upper ring at a frenetic speed. Most of them are from the refugee districts – and they were being taken back there by the quickest possible route, so that they wouldn't 'disturb' folks in the upper ring too much.

Aang stood rather close next to me and watched all the released prisoners, with something like a contented look. He turned to me and smiled and pointed at the prisoners leaving and said_ we did that. _I agreed that with our powers combined, we had done something good.

Aang started to say something else, but then I cut him off excitedly. I asked _is that Jet?! _I saw a boy in the crowd who looked so much like Jet – but then the crowd surged and I lost sight of him. But I needed some corroboration from someone else who had known Jet – I didn't really trust my own eyes.

Aang looked darkly in the direction I had pointed, and then said that he couldn't see anyone who looked like Jet. Oh. The faint glimmer of hope died a swift death. I had been hoping it was Jet. That he was alive. Somehow.

It's probably just wishful thinking on my part. I have been thinking a bit about Jet lately. Things just seem to remind me of him - what with the Joo Dees and being back in Ba Sing Se. I think I was just hoping to see him – If he was alive, it would have meant he survived lake Laogai and **I hadn't failed him.** If I had known then even a quarter of what I know now – I would have been able to save him.

-o-

The weirdest thing happened just now. I don't even...Wow, I don't know what to do about this. I wish I did. I wish I could just make this go away. But it has happened now and it is too late and now that feelings have been declared – there is no magical undo button.

I can never again plead ignorance and that I did not know how Aang felt about me.

Because he **just confessed **it to me.

Just now.

To my face.

He is apparently in love with me again.

Why why why?

Why me?

What did I do wrong spirits?

Am I doomed to always disappoint one of my dearest friends in this respect?

Aang came by my room after we had all gone to bed. He gave me his small speech with such earnestness. Apparently Aang realised something, after what I had said to him after Ty Lee's rejection. I said that love never grew without a solid base of friendship (boo, that was me). Aang and I are great friends. I said that love took a while to grow (Yes, I also said this). Aang and I have known each other for ages now. I had said that the best person for Aang would be someone who made him feel safe and protected him(this was also me). I fulfil all these functions for Aang.

Aang realised, when I was talking about how much I wanted to protect him from everything that could hurt him the other day, that all I had ever done was try to look after him and protect him. He feels safe and protected with me. We are friends and have been for ages. Therefore Aang has decided that we are perfect for each other, and surely I must agree, given what I said.

Boo!

No! No! No! How can my own words be used against me so!

Also Aang knows my deep reluctance to hurt him in anyway – and to reject him now, after such a heartfelt confession, would have hurt him terribly. Instead of nipping it in the bud, I just stammered in confusion and disbelief. Mostly because **I couldn't believe that this was happening.**

Aang continued in his confession. He said that he fancied me before he fancied Ty Lee and apparently, now those feelings are back with a vengeance. He was thinking a lot about the Earth King, who never told his peasant woman that he loved her and now regrets it. Aang does not want that to be us. He wants me to know how he feels. And now I know.

Aang leaned forward for a second, like he was going to try and kiss me again. I think I must have taken an imperceptible step backwards. Aang paused, unsure, and then he leaned back and started rocking on his heels and leaning backwards and forwards. I think this backwards and forwards motion was meant to disguise the fact that he had been leaning in to kiss me. Because I want to pretend that never happened, I was happy to let this ruse continue.

There was a long and awkward pause.

I seriously did not know what to say to this deluge of love.

I had honestly thought we had moved past this.

He's not meant to feel this way any more.

I'm not meant to be in this position. Again!

I started trying to frame the kindest, nicest _no_ I could, but Aang, who was looking nervous suddenly, said _you don't need to answer right now. Just think about it please. _He said this quickly and with a slightly pleading tone in his voice. Even Aang seemed to be able to hear that slight plead. He tried a different tack, and said that he just wanted to give me time to properly consider my decision. Because Iroh said that it was polite to give a lady time to consider her answer.

Aang said he wanted me to have a good think and tell him by the East Wind Festival. I breathed a sigh of relief, because it meant that I didn't have to have this horrible conversation right now. Aang seemed encouraged by my sigh and he smiled widely at me and said hopefully_ the best birthday present I could ever get __**is you**__._ Then his cheeks flushed pink, and he scooted away from me, down the hall.

Bollocks, bugger, shit!

-o-

The Airship landed today in the afternoon. After spending so long with the Joo Dees, who are all soft-spoken politeness, and the Dowager, who is all about decorum – having a giant airship teeming with loud, opinionated people land and spill all its passengers out in a **loud opinionated, free-for-all,** was a bit jarring. It was a breath of fresh air really.

Suki was off first. She and three other Kyoshi Warriors dropped down gracefully on ropes from the airship and tried to secure it to the ground. Her task complete, Suki came over to Sokka almost immediately and flung herself into his arms. Sokka was absolutely delighted to see her and soppiness abounded.

Suki was looking a little harassed. Her hair was a little unkempt. She seemed rather frustrated. Sokka asked her what was wrong. _What's wrong is that people are not meant to spend such a long time confined in a giant metal box together, that's what's wrong. _Suki was apparently tapped out, the tact fairy was _done for the day! _She had closed up shop. She was **not** sorting out one more squabble.

Ty Lee was one of the other four Kyoshi warriors that had dropped down. She had secured her rope by this time and she came over and gave Suki a light hug and said _see – we're all here alive and nobody has murdered anybody else in a nasty fashion _in her usual cheerful manner. Suki just muttered that it was a close thing. Ty Lee said _I know right._ She then turned to Sokka and admonished him by saying _you really need to fix that airship – it has such bad energy!_ Sokka was a bit confused by what she meant by "bad energy." Ty Lee said _it makes people argue _like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

At that moment we heard the sound of Toph and Zuko, arguing loudly. We looked up to see a crowd of people had gotten off the airships. Uncle was canoodling with some random woman. Toph and Zuko had also disembarked the airship and were walking towards us. Zuko was asking indignantly _**Why would you say that? Why?**_ Toph replied that she was just being honest and Zuko was the one who was always telling her it was "good" to be honest. Zuko said that he hadn't meant that Toph should be honest about this.

I asked Suki what had happened. Suki groaned extravagantly and then explained that this latest argument had come about because this morning Iroh had **asked** Toph why she honestly thought Zuko was sticking it out with Gloomy. Toph had replied that she thought they **must **be having _hot kinky perverted sex_ – because that was literally the **only explanation** for why they are still together, loudly and within Zuko's hearing.

Since this rather dramatic start to the day, Iroh had been trying to corner Zuko for a "serious talk". Zuko had taken to avoiding his Uncle like the plague and had actually hidden on the roof of the airship at one point.

Zuko and Toph had stopped a short way off from us, to argue some more. But we could all overhear every word. Their conversation went like this:

Toph: I'm not even crazy! Look _great sex_ is **literally the only explanation **at this point. She must have... like _fireflake flavoured nipples_ for you to put up with her.

Zuko: (sounding scandalized)Toph!

Toph: Oh don't sound so scandalised.

Zuko:I just...I don't want to hear you say nipples... ever again.

Toph: (with footstamp)Nipples nipples nipples nipples nipples nipples nipples!

Zuko: Oh my agni! Will you** stop saying nipples!** And you're wrong anyway! It's not even sex you know. We haven't even... not since...I am **not **having this conversation with you! **Not again!**

Toph: (confused) Well if it's not sex...is she really **good at blowjobs?** Because you'd have to be _getting something _to put up with _the way she fucking talks_ to you.

Zuko: (running his hands through his hair in that sexy way of his...mmmmhhhh) This is _not _my life. This is _not _my life.

Toph: So it's not blow jobs then?

Zuko: (looking up at the sky in frustration) Why don't you just smite me, oh mighty smiter! I don't want to live any more.

Toph: (scoffing) Now your just being melodramatic - I don't even see what the big deal is. I just told Uncle.

Zuko: Look, there are just some things that I just don't want to talk about with Uncle. Now he's going to want to talk to me... about sex.

Toph: but he always talks about sex.

Zuko: I'd prefer if sex didn't feature in our conversations as much as it does! (trying for a reasonable sounding tone) Look, I'm sure there are some things you wouldn't want to talk about with your Dad.

Toph: Nope! Next time I see Dad, I am going to be very upfront with him about everything.

Zuko: Okay Miss Upfront - how about if I find your dad and tell him that you **started every day** when we were on ember island having **a nosey bogey flicking competition** with Aang...And you **won every morning -** even though Aang was using his airbending to cheat. (Aang looked a bit indignant at this).

Toph: (horrified face)...

Zuko: Then he's going to want to talk to you about doing _inappropriate things with nosey bogeys_ and that conversation is going to be awkward as all fuck!

Toph: Wait, you lost me – is Mai the nosey-bogey?

Zuko: (loudly and with frustration) **Of course Mai is the nose-bogey!**

The spirits obviously do hate Zuko.

Gloomy Hairbuns appeared just behind him, in enough time to hear him shout that she was the nose bogey. She appeared immensely unimpressed by this and drawled_ oh, thanks Zuko _with a great deal of sarcasm and stalked off. Zuko took a second to mime straggling at Toph and then turned and set off after Nose Bogey (Nee Gloomy Friggin Hairbuns).

Toph came over to us. Suki sighed her long suffering sigh and said _Leave off him Toph. _Toph got a bit defensive and said it wasn't even her. Zuko was the one being unreasonable. His life would just be **so much easier** if he let Toph run it. Suki hid a smile and then said sternly _true – but as I recall, you ran into some __**fierce opposition**__ when you suggested that sweetie. _

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

* * *

The rambly authors notes:

Thanks so much for everyone for being so patient with me! I appreciate you all! I hope you've enjoyed "no war in Ba Sing Se' and that it cleared up some question about the last chapter for you. In this chapter we got to meet Yugoda again (because I like her and I also like to think about what happens to those minor characters), we also get to find out what happened to the Joo Dees and we get a glimpse of Jet! It was him that Katara saw. And Aang confesses his love.

YMMV on absolutely everything!

So this chapter, there are shenanigans between the water tribes and Aang has found out about the Seige of the North. Aang finding out was inevitable – he had to find out sometime. Logically, the North see it as their great victory and gloat over it, so I can see Aang finding out this way. The North think it is very funny/ironic that Aang/ocean spirit killed so many firenation soldiers at the North Pole, but then left Ozai alive "because he believed in the sanctity of life". They see the deliberate hypocrisy and feel that this is Aang's way of punishing the firenation – because leaving Ozai alive does destabilise the nation.

The North do want to see the firenation punished. Arnook especially, who is still moving through the stages of grief and is probably in** anger **at the moment, wants to see some retribution for the loss of his daughter. These negotiations are personal for him – they are not just a political forum. Sokka disagrees with Arnook over what Yue would have wanted – But Arnook does not take that very well.

Katara also gets to talk with another water tribe woman about her stance on women's rights. I realised that she had never had a chance to discuss it with another water tribe woman and I wanted to remedy that. Yugoda supports her, but she is a bit mystified by the whole women's rights thing. Living in the north has made her think that it was never even a possibility or something to work towards.

Yugoda has been treated like a second class citizen her whole life, and in many respects it is what she is used to. This ties into that attitude that the status quo should always remain the same, out of tradition. This applies to most oppressed groups and the struggle for equality. The stauts quo dictates that group x is treated worse than group y, and group x should just accept that and stop bucking tradition and complaining, because things_ have always been that way. _

Yugoda was not one to buck tradition over women's rights (due to her northern upbringing, she might not have even registered that women's rights was a thing she could buck tradition over) – but she is still a woman who is unafraid to take a stand over medical matters (her field of expertise). She has taken a stand over the matter of the Joo Dees. Yugoda would have noticed straight away that there was something fishy about the Joo Dees (who were still being used as guides for all the foreign visitors when Yugoda arrived). Her investigations would have discovered the truth – and as a medical professional, she could not abide what was going on.

So this is my theory about the Joo Dees – and naturally YMMV. But I started thinking about why only the young, pretty women are singled out to be made into Joo Dees. Then I realised the Dai Li are a ruthless, all-male organisation – none of their members have much of a social life outside being Dai Li agents. They don't appear to have wives or families or anything.

Then I drew the logical conclusions about what the Dai Li might do with their free time and the large number of beautiful, but brainwashed and completely compliant women hidden in their various headquarters. The Joo Dees also appear to live in the underground headquarters, meaning the Dai Li oversee their accommodation and meals and have pretty much complete control over them.

The horror of the Joo Dees is that they are young, pretty women, who are then brainwashed and made completely compliant and devoid of personality. They would never refuse sex if the Dai Li brainwashed them that way. I can see how easy it would be for a Dai Li agent to justify it to himself. She's not resisting or refusing – so that's _almost the same _as consent. ...except it's not at all.

The more I think about the Joo Dees, the more I creep myself out. I always felt like the Joo Dees was an unfinished plot point. Those women are being systematically brainwashed and I have a hard time believing that no one in the Gaang would care. They all saw that room under lake laogai, after all. They must know some messed up stuff is going down.

Anyway, Yugoda found out about all this and was horrified. She kicked up a huge stink to Pakku. Pakku, for all his faults, is not a bad man. But even he could see how wrong what happened to the Joo Dees was. He would have taken Yugoda's side and fought for her right to treat them and heal them. There would have been a fair bit of reluctance on the part of the Earth Kingdom officials who knew about them – because the Joo Dees are such a shameful thing. I imagine that this is the sort of thing that many high ranking Earth Kingdom officials would want to keep secret.

Pakku would have taken the matter higher up – to Kuei and the Dowager. They would have agreed that Yugoda could treat the Joo Dees – but because the Joo Dees would have been originally arrested for crimes against Ba Sing Se by the Dai Li, they would have been reluctant to release them officially. The Dowager firmly believes that the Dai Li would only arrest people for **a reason. **

The Dowager is very old school and longs for a simpler time, where everyone was well mannered and upheld certain standards. She might be looking back on the past with rose coloured glasses, however, she firmly believes that the core of the Dai Li, protecting the cultural heritage of Ba Sing Se, is a worthy goal. She agrees with what she thought Long Feng was doing, but not his methods. The Dai Li do call themselves the guardians of culture after all. Though "culture" in this sense just seems to mean reinforcing the status quo, rather than preserving fine paintings etc.

I feel I should say that the Dowager is not a power-hungry political mastermind. She is merely someone who has stepped in to fill the power vacuum that would currently be in place. However, she conducts this role in a very behind-the-scenes way and Kuei is still officially the King. She is Kuei's Iroh...only a little less worldly and wise.

I don't see her as competing with Long Feng for power, before the fall of Ba Sing Se, because she agreed with what he stood for and did not feel it was "her place". I think she would have done the very traditional obedient wife/mother role for so long. She belonged in the private sphere – not the public one.

She's a big traditionalist, however she is not a fool. She's a clever woman, and she understand a lot about manners and how things look – and both of these things matter a great deal in Ba Sing Se. She has stepped into a role that she never fully planned for herself, out of necessity and to help her son.

What has happened now, in the aftermath of liberation, is that _someone _needs to step up. Kuei is a bit hopeless and lovesick and is finding adjusting to his role as King very difficult. His mother sees that he is floundering and is trying to help. She would have gotten a little peak at how much influence she really wielded over her son and the feeling that governing power would have been a surprise and delight. I'd never say that she is not enjoying her power. But I will say that she never sought it that much. But she is not a cruel or unkind woman – once she is smacked about the head with the truth of what the Dai Li were getting up to – she is horrified and tries to make amends as best she can.

Botton line is that someone in the EK has to make the hard decisions and Kuei is not ready. Kuei listens to his mother's guidance and she was a very bossy and domineering mother to begin with. She is trying to rebuild Ba Sing Se under her ideals – ideals that she thought the Dai Li were protecting. So there will be a greater emphasis on "good manners" and "knowing one's place" on the Dowager's watch. The EK as a whole seem more concerned with good manners than the FN.

We also get to see a bit more progress from Aang here. He's taking baby-steps forward with his attitude to romance (not forcing a kiss on Katara, but giving her space to think) and big leaps forward in his attitude as Avatar (thinking constructively about Monk Gyatso).

Finding out about the Seige of the North is a huge blow to Aang's spirit and soul and confidence. In some ways, his newly realised "love" for a Katara, is a reaction to this revelation. Katara is the ultimate coping mechanism for Aang. She is eternally coddling Aang – and Aang longs for that constant reassurance that Katara normally provides, that he is right, that he is doing a good job and being a good avatar.

In many ways, I think that a Kataang relationship would keep Katara and Aang locked in these unhealthy mother/son roles. But right now , after finding out about 'Siege of the North' Aang really longs to be "the son" - the kid - and have life be simple again. I think his desire to regress back to that child-like innocence he feels with Katara is an understandable reaction.

In other ways – Aang is starting to move forward and think about who he really is – as a person and as an Avatar. He is no longer blindly adhering to Airnomad principles, but he is thinking much more constructively about them. He thinks on Monk Gyatso, who was his previous and only parental figure. In the Guru, Katara being the reincarnation of Gyasto's love for Aang is alluded to. Many Kataangers see this as 'proof' of their romantic love. I'm not sure about the whole re-incarnation thing, but Katara definitely fulfils the parental role in Aang's life.

Aang acknowledges the similarity between Gyatso and Katara's attitude towards him. They both tried their best to protect Aang from the harsh realities of the world. Katara didn't want Aang to be used as a weapon at General Fong's base – and Monk Gyatso didn't want Aang to be taught the dark art of lung bending.

Lung Bending would be the airnomad equivalent of blood bending in my opinion. If water benders can affect the water in the blood, it stands to reason that Airnomads could manipulate the air in the body – their religion would prohibit the practice, but the skill is still there. I imagine that this is how Gyatso killed so many firenation soldiers. His body is literally on a mountain of firenation corpses, so he clearly took many of them down with him. Gyatso felt that Aang would not be able to handle the horror of lung bending and should not have such a vile technique thrust upon him, under the guise of "desperate times call for desperate measures." Gyatso believed that Aang was too gentle for that and furthermore, the avatar should be above such techniques.

Katara and Gyatso both saw Aang as a person first. It is no wonder that Katara agrees with Monk Gyatso's stance. Aang however, acknowledges that while this stance is very loving and wonderful, the other monks back at the temple also had a point. War was coming, and they were scared. It turns out that their fears were well founded. Aang realises that he doesn't want the truth hidden from him any more, because when that happens – people get hurt.

Aang thinks about what Gyatso would have wanted for him, which was to never lose sight of who he was. Aang is trying to forge his own identity as the avatar – he is starting to be the avatar on his own terms. He wants to show deference to his Air Nomad upbringing, but not blind adherence.

I see Aang growing from this to become a 'technical pacifist' like Dr Who. (I have this mad idea for an almost Dr Who like future fic, with Aang travelling around, trying to fix things and having adventures and all of the Gaang periodically acting as his companions. Toph would be sassy like Donna Noble and they would always be mistaken for a couple) …

..err...Anyway, Aang won't be the sort of avatar who will say that _the means justifies the end, _and he will always look around for the most peaceful solution – however he will acknowledge that sometimes, some deaths are necessary and death is just a part of the cycle.

Aang is getting more ready to fulfil his duty as the Avatar and keep balance between the nations. He will impress upon all the nations that these negotiations are about reconciliation and not retribution. Aang's birthday is also coming up. He's growing in age and he's growing as a person. Bless his cotton socks.

Many shenanigans happened on the Airship ride over – we only get a brief glimpse at the goings on in Suki's letter. Some of them will be written into very silly drabbles. The fall out of these shenanigans will become apparent in the coming chapters.

Next chapter, there will be an awkward conversation, a dorky apology, a dress will be bought, a decision will be made and a kiss will result. You guys can probably figure out what kiss I mean. Oh noes! There will be shenanigans post-kiss...of the dorky kind.

Til then my lovelies...


	15. The Reality of the Situation

0o0o0o0o0o0

the reality of the situation

0o0o0o0o0o0

So everyone from the firenation is not "welcome" in the palace until the peace treaty is signed. Pakku says it is something to do with how it will "look" to the rest of the Earth Kingdom - which is no surprise in Ba Sing Se. I had thought that everyone would be staying with us – but instead Iroh has booked the old teashop that he and Zuko used to work in. He's hired the whole premise, for what he calls _nostalgic, sentimental reasons_. I was a bit cross on their behalf, but staying at the Jasmine Dragon seems to suit Zuko, Iroh, and Toph and everyone else just fine. Toph could have stayed with us at the palace, but she has opted to stay at the teashop out of solidarity with Zuko and Iroh.

There was a hastily thrown together _welcome drinks _after the airship's arrival. The Dowager was most displeased at not having more notice about when everyone would be arriving, and kept remarking that only the firenation could manage to arrive two days late and arrive unexpectedly, at the same time.

Arnook and a few other Earth Kingdom members (who I had not properly met yet) were there. King Bumi crashed in, as soon as he heard Iroh had arrived, and there were a few shenanigans with Bumi, Iroh and Pakku. A secret handshake and a private joke was had by the three of them. It seemed like no time had passed since the three of them had last seen each other.

There was a lot of talk about the up-coming negotiations. It felt like the Earth Kingdom members were trying to feel out where Zuko and Iroh stood on a number of issues. Gloomy Hairbuns had come along with Zuko (so they must have made up after the nose bogey incident). I didn't hang around much with her. Mostly I just wanted to throw drinks in her gloomy, unpleasant face. Zuko and I never got a chance to talk properly, because she was always next to him.

However, I still noticed how she huffed about how bored she was constantly. When she wasn't huffing about how bored she was, she was rolling her eyes. She rolled her eyes at the Dowager, who tried to greet 'the firelord's consort' with a great deal of ceremony (perhaps Gloomy didn't like being referred to as a consort). The Dowager seemed a bit taken aback at having Gloomy be so dismissive of her. She finds us watertribers a**little uncouth** and none of us have rolled our eyes at her. The Dowager looked at Gloomy and pursed lips. The clipped way she said _charmed, I'm sure, _before moving on to meet Iroh** said it all. **

At that point Zuko tried to take Gloomy aside. I scooted nearby, so I could keep one ear on their conversation. Zuko was trying to encourage Gloomy to go to her parents' hotel and said she should spend some time with them. He said that she was obviously bored and not enjoying herself here and he thought that she would enjoy herself more...somewhere else. Gloomy sighed and drawled _You're mistaking me for someone who cares what you think again Zuko...and that is just __**so wrong. **_I think she was joking, but it is hard to tell with Gloomy hairbuns. Zuko didn't seem to appreciate her joke though.

He sighed and Gloomy huffed. He said that if Gloomy wanted to stay, she'd need to make more of an effort and couldn't roll her eyes at people like the Dowager. Gloomy rolled her eyes at Zuko instead. Zuko made a disappointed little noise and said that all this political stuff was hard enough for him as it was – without Gloomy huffing and sighing and rolling her eyes next to him. He said she didn't need to constantly undermine him. Gloomy said in her dull monotone, _well you don't __**need**__ to forget me and leave me behind all the time– but you keep doing that. _

Zuko asked if she was still mad about that. Gloomy shrugged – which was all the answer she would deign to give. Zuko said that it was an **accident, **and he had really thought she was on board and he didn't know how many more times she was going to make him apologise for it. Gloomy shrugged and said _at least once more. _Zuko sighed and huffed impatiently, but dutifully said sorry. Gloomy looked quizzically at him, and then said _nah, still not buying it _flatly.

Zuko made a very frustrated noise right then. The one he used to make right before he would get completely fed up with Aang during training. It sounded like he was about to blow a gasket. I was pretending to talk to Iroh, Pakku and Bumi, but I wondered if I should intervene. It sounded like they were about to have a full on domestic. I am still new to the Earth Kingdom politics, but I knew that the Dowager would** hate it** if they had a full blown argument at her soiree. I could just imagine how rude she would find that.

Iroh beat me to it. We'd all heard Zuko's frustrated noise after all. There was a pause. Pakku made a face and muttered_ teenagers. _Iroh excused himself, handed me his drink and wandered over to Gloomy and Zuko. He put an arm on Zuko's shoulder and said that he needed to borrow Zuko for political blah blah reasons. Gloomy shrugged and made a dismissive gesture, to indicate that it didn't matter either way to her.

-o-

Iroh and Zuko didn't come back. They had, in fact, buggered off to get tea. They didn't tell anyone they were leaving. We waited for a while because the Dowager had some things she wanted to discuss with Iroh. When it became apparent that they really had just buggered off, the Dowager was a little pissed off. She kept saying that it was just rude! We had all been left_ waiting around like a couple of spare parts_ for those two – and no one in the Earth Kingdom would ever be so inconsiderate...but then she wouldn't expect any different from the firenation. After all, they were a very cruel race and a very rude race – one could not expect them to be courteous. Toph seems to take any slight against Zuko or Iroh rather personally. She muttered loudly _I'll rude race __**your face. **_

Suki and I did the sensible thing and took Toph for tea as well.

Tea ended up becoming a girly dinner and shopping.

The welcome drinks were winding down – and all the groups were trickling back to their separate parts of the palace, to prepare for the start of tomorrow's negotiations. The Water Tribes were having dinner together again, but _spirits,_ I did not have the patience for another one of _those _dinners in me at this point. Suki wanted to spend time with Sokka, but she also opted out of the dinner (after my rather graphic description of_ what it did to my sanity_). Suki had been exchanging letters with the mayor of Kyoshi, and they were in agreement on most things – so she was good politics-wise and was ready to represent Kyoshi. Toph wasn't heading back to the Jasmine Dragon, because she knew that Zuko and Iroh were probably having an _awkward as all hell_ conversation and she was going to be **tactful** and not interrupt. She looked to Suki for approval when she said _tactful_ and Suki nodded at her.

Toph pointed out that we hadn't hung out, just the three of us, in ages – and we were all pretty much free for dinner. Even though we'd all be doing afternoon tea tomorrow (Iroh has invited us all round, so the six of us can have some time together and see the Jasmine Dragon). Despite afternoon tea tomorrow, Toph wanted to have sometime with just me and Suki. A girl's night. I had the feeling that she was up to something, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

-o-

So we went and all had dinner together. I told them all about what had been happening in Ba Sing Se and how much we had missed everyone. Suki and Toph regaled me with some of the more hilarious happenings on the Airship. Toph started bitching about Gloomy Hairbuns to us. I have now heard all about how she was a bitchy bitch who was a bitch. How she always put Zuko down, just inadvertently in conversation, and said shit like _honestly Zuko – don't you realise nobody cares? _whenever he was telling a story that she found boring (she would also loudly declare that she found it boring). Gloomy just wasn't good enough for Zuko, in Toph's humble opinion.

Suki, who had heard the diatribe many times (oh so many times), sighed her long suffering sigh and said _Toph sweetie, you don't think anyone is good enough for Zuko. _Toph disagreed and said that she knew that the right **someone **was out there somewhere. She listed all the qualities she thought this someone would have. They would be **someone** who wouldn't put him down all the time, **someone** who was a bit fun and wouldn't just bitch about how bored she was non-stop, and **someone** who was a bit of a softie and would be nice to him, someone like...Suki cut her off here and said _Toph! Remember what I said about tact?_

Toph said she did remember, but she just wanted** someone **to do **something,** because if she ended up with Gloomy as a sister-in-law due to Zuko's general ineptness at life, she was going to be** pissed off!**

It felt like they were having a conversation without me. Suki said that Toph couldn't force these things.** Someone** might not appreciate being pushed into something, just because Toph thought it was right. Toph's pushing could make **someone** feel awkward. Toph's pushing wasn't tactful. Toph grumbled, but acquiesced to the Tact Fairy's wisdom.

-o-

The shops opened later in the upper ring, so after dinner, we all had a bit of a shop together. Suki needed a few nice earth kingdom clothes. She only had her Kyoshi uniform and firenation stuff. She couldn't just wear her uniform around everywhere (it wasn't practical and sent an adversarial message), and though the firenation dresses were lovely, she didn't want to wear them around either.

She wanted to appear neutral...like Kyoshi was neutral during the war. She picked out a few nice dark green dresses in a simple, yet elegant cut.

I also needed a few clothes. I tried on heaps of dresses. It was hard to get the colours I was after, because everything was a combination of greens, yellows and whites. But after a few tries, I found exactly what I was looking for. I tried on the most exquisite dress. Damask silk, like the Dowager always wore. It was a turquoise blue/green, with a white border. It clung to my body in all the right places, but still looked classy. It was as close to Southern Water Tribe blue as I was going to get in the earth kingdom.

It was perfect.

It was also ridiculously expensive.

I only realised that a little too late. After I had already fallen in love with it and exclaimed over its perfection. I hadn't brought that much money with me. I didn't want to make a big thing about that. Toph or Suki would lend me the money, but I think it is better to live within my means. Gran Gran always used to say, _never a borrower or a lender be._

This wasn't like when people like Bumi, or Toph or Zuko would give us all money during the war. That was money for the group and for the mission – if I borrowed money now, it would be just for me and for an extravagant luxury that I did not really need. There were plenty of other, much cheaper, dresses after all. Also, I was not sure if I would have the funds to pay the money back. We aren't a wealthy tribe after all, and I've had that rubbed in my face enough by the North already.

So I pretended that I didn't want the perfect dress that much. I had enough money on me for three of the cheaper dresses. They still looked nice on me...except for the mustard yellow trimming. Yellow is not really my colour. But they would serve. They fit me fine. I could always dye them later.

-o-

It was quite late by the time we'd finished. I crept back into the water tribe section as quietly as I could, because I thought that everyone else would still be asleep. I didn't want to wake anyone. But I was quite surprised to hear talking from the garden near what was serving as our common room. I couldn't make any of the words out, so I walked over to investigate.

My Dad and Iroh were sitting on these lounge chairs with a bottle of some amber coloured liquid in between them. They were both a bit squiffy... and were actually well on the road to being well wankered from the sounds of it. I can tell because my Dad was bitching about Arnook and Pakku and the north, and he never would have done that sober. He has a bit more diplomacy than that.

Then he started talking about me. No one can resist listening in on a conversation about themselves. It is the first rule of eavesdropping. Dad sang my praises and talked about how awesome I was. Iroh agreed. Dad said I was way** too awesome** for someone like Han – and then he proceeded to rant about how much Pakku's attempts to foist Han onto me drove my Dad** bananas. **

I was worth 100 thousand Hans, and if Pakku thought that I would settle for such a toadying ignoramus – then he had another thing coming. Iroh saluted Dad and said things like _here here_ and _boo settling boo! _Then Iroh offered that at least Dad could take comfort in the fact that he knew I would **never settle** for a toadying ignoramus.

There was a slight pause and Iroh examined his glass and then muttered sadly and drunkenly _Zuko will settle for that sombre, unkind girl. _Then he drained his glass in one gulp and poured himself another measure before decrying, _He's sixteen for fucks sake – he's too young to settle! _Dad tried to cheer him up and said that maybe Gloomy wouldn't be so bad. Iroh said _She insults my Zuko, She insults my Toph, She hates tea... __**and she hates my jokes. **_Dad agreed that these were heinous crimes indeed.

Dad drained his glass and asked if Iroh had said any of this to Zuko. Surely if Zuko knew how Iroh felt... Iroh just muttered _no, I'm being "supportive". _The way Iroh said "supportive" sounded rather sardonic. He explained that Toph had said enough for both of them. She was very vocal about how much she disliked Gloomy. But Iroh wanted Zuko to know that he was on _his side..._for whatever. So he had kept all his negative comments to himself. But it was so hard lately. When he saw the two of them together, all he could see was _a tired man with a tiresome girlfriend. _In Iroh's opinion, Zuko was just too vibrant for Gloomy.

Dad poured himself another measure and offered (in the even tones of the very drunk trying to sound wise) that he thought Iroh was much wiser...to be supportive. He hadn't been supportive of Ming and Bato and _look at how that turned out!_ Dad gestured expansively with his glass here and some of the amber liquid sloshed out. Dad seemed a bit sad about this. Iroh topped him up again – and said that hadn't out badly at all. Bato and Ming were sweet together.

Dad said he knew that, but he'd made such a fuss about them being together in the beginning and now he had driven them away._ Now Bato feels weird talking to me because he thinks I'm "unsupportive" - at least if Zuko thinks you're "supportive" he'll talk to you. _Iroh sipped his glass and then said that Zuko would never want to talk to him about this sort of thing again... not after tonight.

Iroh explained that he had tried having that_**s**_**o-you're-getting-shagged-eh?**talk with Zuko tonight. Dad was a bit perplexed about this – he hadn't felt the need to have this talk with Sokka when it became apparent that Sokka was shagging Suki.

Dad knew his strengths – he knew he sucked at any talk that had an official title. The **birds and the ****bees**talk, the** so now you've hit puberty** talk, the **are you having sex**talk – all these talks my dad either; failed at spectacularly, or palmed off onto someone else. Dad just felt so awkward talking about it.

Iroh confessed that he had screwed up the **shagged-eh? **Talk. _Big time._ No had one ever, ever failed at giving a talk as much as Iroh had failed here. Iroh was a bit sad about this, because he had been labouring under the delusion that he was "the cool uncle", who would not be awkward about this sort of thing. But it appears Zuko's awkwardness was contagious in this situation.

_I didn't think I'd feel awkward. I'm __**great**__ at talks. I had the whole thing planned as well – but then Zuko was so awkward and he kept denying that he was getting up to any funny business and kept trying to escape the talk... So I started to feel awkward... and then my good planned wisdom went by the wayside and then I used a terribly laboured metaphor involving tea, which I think just baffled him._ Iroh was a bit bummed because his planned speech was so good!

Dad asked what the planned speech was. Iroh said it was something along the lines of Zuko was old enough and Iroh trusted him... and contrary to popular opinion, Iroh knew he was actually quite _sensible_ about these things...as long as he stayed _sensible, _then Iroh was sure he'd be fine.

Dad took a long sip and said that things really were different in the firenation. If he were to give the **shagged-eh** talk to Sokka, it wouldn't sound like that. It would be an awkward congratulations. Iroh said that he wished he'd just tried for that in his** shagged-eh **speech. As it was, he didn't even get to tell Zuko to **Always leave your clothes in a pile**.

This confused Dad a bit. Iroh explained that **shagged eh** talk always came with a bit of advice. The clothes in a pile thing was the only bit of advice he had that was specifically about sex and that would work consistently.

Iroh knew from experience that when you were starting out with a new partner and got too caught up in the throws of passion and _threw your clothes all over the place willy-nilly _– it made quick exits from awkward situations **much harder**. Say the lady was married and you didn't know she was married, but the husband came home in the middle. If your clothes are everywhere – you have to abandon some of them in the escape. If your clothes are in a pile, you can **grab that pile** and **run like the wind. **Dad took a long sip of his drink and said that advice was sound.

Iroh said it was, but the only problem was he'd forgotten to tell Zuko – because he'd been so off kilter on account of the excessive awkwardness. Dad said that Iroh could always try have the **shagged-eh** talk again. He could just view tonight as a practice round. He could try give Zuko his wisdom again later. But maybe Iroh could leave out the bit about the married couple – that could be an overshare.

Iroh said that you only ever got **one chance** at these kinds of talks – and he was beginning to think that he had given Zuko enough wisdom in this department. Or at least the wisdom he had already imparted had been taken out of context. Iroh was most indignant at having his own advice turned against him. _Tonight, he turned my own wisdom against me! I used to think he had an unfortunate tendency towards selfishness – so I drummed into him that relationships are all about giving and listening and patience. Now he says he's trying be generous and patient and listen to wash-her-face...whats-her-face...Mai. So he gives...but all she does is take, take, take, take._

Dad offered, in a drunken consoling tone that I think was meant to sound wise, that he was sure everything would work out alright. Dad could tell that Zuko and wash-her-face weren't in it for the long haul. They'd break up sooner or later. It might just take a while longer because she was his first love and everyone always got more hung up on their first love.

Iroh nodded along but then said_ but she's not, she's...Hakoda you're a genius!_ Dad smiled and agreed _that I am_ and took another sip. He then asked _wait, why am I a genius? And where are you going?_ Iroh had suddenly lurched to his feet. He was well wankered and was a little unstable, but then he righted himself. He declared that he had **a fabulous idea** to my Dad. My Dad looked amused and said that he knew how Iroh's fabulous ideas normally turned out. Iroh waved him off and said this idea was going to be **great.** Then he started stumbling away, drunkenly in the direction of the city.

Dad called cheekily after him _well just try to keep your clothes on!... or if you can't keep 'em on - __leave 'em in a pile!_

-o-

I wasn't allowed to attend the official meetings today. No women allowed – water tribe regulations. My Dad and Sokka were furious. They say they are going to argue for my right to attend the meetings. I am a war hero after all. Pakku is in agreement, so there is that too. But it will have to be decided by the watertribe as a whole – which means Chief Arnook will have to agree. Women have never been allowed to participate in any official capacity and Arnook is fond of tradition. I am not hopeful – and there are other more important things to discuss that I imagine my right to participate will be pushed to the backburner.

I am trying to resign myself to it though. I'm trying not be upset. I can help with the Joo Dees and keep myself occupied in other ways. Oh, but the confusion of the others was so hard to deal with.

I walked Dad and Aang and Sokka to the meeting halls. And we ran into everybody just outside this huge amphitheatre. All the delegates were crowding around and there was much confusion – but we managed to find the others. Suki, Toph and Zuko were genuinely and completely baffled that I wouldn't be attending and were quite cross on my behalf. Everyone else is attending. Aang is doing his avatar thing. Zuko and Suki obviously have to represent their countries. Sokka is representing our tribe. Toph seems to be representing her own nation of Toph-ness. At least she goes with Zuko and Iroh to all these meetings.

Zuko seemed especially put out that I wouldn't be allowed to join in. I was worried he was going to do/say something aggressive and argumentative to the Arnook and the North on my behalf. The North would not take that well at all. As much and I want to attend, I didn't want him doing that today. This was the first day of peace negotiations and I didn't want them to get off to an argumentative start because of me.

There was so little time before the meeting, that I completely abandoned plan A. Zuko and I are back to talking without ever having to have a big awkward discussion about our weird fight over nothing.

He was getting most indignant on my behalf. It was sweet, but it worried me all the same. Sokka and Dad are going to bring it up in a tribal meeting, and that is for the best. They weren't going to say anything today. Aang is non-confrontational, he wouldn't deliberately start an argument over me in a big peace meeting. Suki has too much tact and diplomacy. Toph, as abrupt and rude as she is with us, knows how to conduct herself at the posh earth kingdom things. But Zuko doesn't care about any of that. He doesn't really hold back when he's passionate about something and he was passionate about my right to attend.

I ended up grabbing his hand and dragging him outside with me, so we could have a little chat without so many people milling about. I told him that I didn't want him to_ start shit_ or stir up trouble today because of me. I outlined my various feelings on the matter (yes, I want to go – but the North will **blow their friggin top** if someone from the firenation tries to boss them around over this sort of thing. It is the first day of peace negotiations. We fought so hard for peace- so don't ruin it by fighting. Just be cool. Etc) I made him promise not to say anything and after a small pause, he agreed. Then the gong went for the start of meetings and he had to go.

The whole thing only took a few minutes – that was all the time I got alone with him. We just get so little time together. It bothers me. I miss how we just used to hang out.

I am abandoning plan A. Life is too short for Plan A. Plan A is stupid anyway. What is the point in pretending you don't want to see someone and talk to someone when you really really do (a lot). Either you're crap at it and look like a wally, or you're really good at it and they start to believe you. Neither of those is a good outcome. I get so little time to talk to Zuko anyway, I didn't want to waste any of it with** stupid gloomy aloofness. **

I went to help Yugoda with the Joo Dees, which was a valid use of my time anyway – so I shouldn't be too upset about being excluded from the meetings. Yugoda commiserated with me – She had been brought along as 'moral support' for her husband, but he never consulted her about anything. But that was okay, according to Yugoda, our time was better spent helping these women anyway. Here we made a real difference.

-o-

I got to see Zuko again today.

This makes me glad.

He came over to find me at lunch. But he got really freaked out by the Joo Dees. They give him the _heebie jeebies _apparently. He can't handle their blank-faced, empty smiles at all. We went into the garden, away from the Joo Dees to have a bit of a chat.

I asked him if he wanted something because it was a bit odd- him being here. I said I knew that he was supposed to be in an ass-ton of meetings. He must have come here for something. But then the penny dropped – he had come here to see me.

He said that the meeting was in recess and he'd buggered off from the official lunch (he is making a habit of absconding from the Dowager's functions). He was finding not saying what he _really thought_...a bit difficult.

He'd kept all this thoughts to himself during the morning session (he glanced at me shyly here. He'd kept his promise). He didn't think he could sit through a whole lunch of General Fong, the Dowager and Chief Arnook being..._themselves,_ without his head exploding in frustration.

I asked if he should be there anyway for ...official political purposes. Zuko shrugged and said probably, but he thought it would be okay. The Dowager had informed him that he was leader of a **very rude race **after all, she probably _expected_ this sort of thing from him.

Actually that is true.

I almost feel like the Dowager would be disappointed if everyone from the firenation acted with her version of decorum at all times. Then she could no longer complain about them.

Zuko had swiped me some ginger snaps from the tea and biscuits table on his way out. We sat on the grass and ate them together. He asked me if I knew if there was anything..._wrong_ with the Earth King. Kuei was meant to be the leader, but he just **moped hardcore **all morning**. Kuei was moping it up!** Zuko was a champion moper himself– he recognised what was going on. Apparently the Earth King only sat and sighed forlornly at the wallpaper, while his Mum did all the talking (and occasionally prodded him with her fan).

I said that the Earth King was just a bit lovesick. I had promised Kuei I wouldn't divulge what he had told me – but it doesn't even count if I tell Zuko, because I tell him everything. I decided that just skirting the details wouldn't really be a betrayal of trust. I told Zuko that Kuei wanted someone he couldn't ever have and it mad him sad.

Boy, do I know _all about _that.

Zuko nodded and was quiet for a moment. After a little while, he cleared his throat. It was his _I'm about to say something either really awkward or really important _throat clear.

He started off by saying that we hadn't really had a chance to talk since our... (he just made this weird wiggly gesture to indicate our weird fight over nothing) but he just wanted to make sure things were cool between us. Then he gave me that Zuko-look he has – the one where he bites his bottom lip slightly and looks shy and just **so delicious **that I lose the power of rationale thought. How can I ever be mad at him when he looks at me like that? I said we were cool and then he smiled widely at me and said _oh good, I'm so glad. _

Unfortunately, he then chose to shrug dismissively and say_ what was that fight even about anyway?_ in genuine bafflement...and we were back to not cool.

How could he not remember? I think I must have made a stroppy face and asked_ what? Do you genuinely not know? _ Zuko sensed the danger and looked worried but protested that he did know. I put my hands on my hips and asked him what it was about then. He looked really alarmed at being put on the spot._ It was about...well, obviously it was about...it was because..._ he began, clearly stalling for time.

Perhaps he really didn't know. Him snapping at me to **leave him alone **was a really big deal for me – but maybe it wasn't a big deal for Zuko. Maybe it wasn't even a small deal. Maybe he just snapped at so many people in a day that he forgets individual snappings, or maybe hurting my feelings hadn't bothered him much.

Ooh I hated myself for thinking that last one.

I didn't want to think like that, but a little kernel of doubt took seed in my stomach anyway.

I took pity on him and gave him a clue. Mostly I think I wanted to see if he would remember if I prompted him. I asked him to think about the last time I had tried to talk to him, before our weird fight over nothing. He had on his thinking face for a second and then his eyes went wide and he just said _oh...that. _

I have had a lot of feelings about_ that. _I have been thinking about _that _more than is probably healthy. So I opened my mouth and just went _blah _and all these feelings came out. I said that it has just bothered me. The way he said for _once in your life, just leave me alone_ – with such **disdain.**

Zuko was instantly apologetic. He said he hadn't meant it like that and he hadn't meant anything by it at all and I should never take any notice of the things he said, because, Agni knows, nobody else does.

He was looking so contrite, that I couldn't help the quiet confession that slipped out. I hadn't meant to say it. I mean I wasn't trying to guilt trip him or anything. But the real crux of the issue, the real reason why I was so cross was because he'd hurt my feelings.

I'd never thought he'd do that again, not after everything.

So I told him that even if he hadn't meant it, it still hurt my feelings. I took a lot for me to admit that, because I have been trying to act like I'm not bothered by any of it. But I'm tired of pretending.

Zuko rubbed the back of his neck and said that he was really sorry and that day had been a** weird day** for him. There was another awkward pause. He really was sorry, I knew that. But he didn't want to talk about it any more either (mostly because that day was weird because he'd been to see his father and he avoids talking about Ozai at all costs).

I guess I had two options, I could either forgive him or I could do a Gloomy and be a bitch about it and demand more apologies. I opted for the first option. I said I forgave him and then he smiled at me widely.

Zuko thought for a second and then, perhaps ill-advisedly, asked why I hadn't just said that was what I was stroppy about, instead of doing that whole_ I'm not talking to you thing. _Now it was my turn to be awkward. I didn't want to tell him about Plan A...because I would sound like **a mad harpy.**

Anyway the truth of the matter is that I find it hard to tell people that they have hurt my feelings. Getting cross is just easier. Zuko nodded and said he totally got that – but he'd prefer it if I just told him what I was pissed off about in the future. He ran his hand through his hair (mmmmhhhh) and said _Look, I'm really and truly __**not good **__at this sort of thing...next time you need to tell me why you're mad okay. _

There was logic in what he was saying – I knew that. But the way things were lately, we hardly ever got a chance to just talk – when would I even get a chance to tell him if something was really bothering me? If he had such an **impossible schedule** and we hardly ever got more than a few minutes here and there to chat, he's not going to have time to sit and listen to my various woes, is he? Zuko didn't have an answer for that. What could he say really – his life had become unrelentingly busy since he became firelord. He couldn't really deny that.

He looked like he was about to sat something else, but suddenly Aang's voice rang out above us. A loud _there you are! _Aang landed gracefully next to us. He'd been looking for Zuko. Apparently he'd be asked some .questions by General Fong about the firenation's various positions on things. Zuko tried to relay the firenation's various positions on things to Aang– but then seemed to think it would be much simpler to talk to General Fong himself. Zuko glanced at me, and then told Aang he'd be along in a few minutes.

Aang looked between us and then said he thought that Zuko should come along now. There wasn't that much longer left for **the lunch** and General Fong was asking** a lot **of questions. Zuko sighed his long suffering sigh and muttered that he hated **the lunch.**

Aang said _I can't believe you just up and left __**the lunch **_in a tone that sounded like scandalised awe. Zuko pointed out that Aang had also left **the lunch**. Aang retorted that he had only left to find Zuko. Then he leaned in closer and asked in a conspiratorial whisper _can we do that though? Can we just leave if it's all a bit dull and annoying?_ Zuko said _No!_ Aang could not leave just because he was bored! most stroppily.

Aang pointed out that Zuko had left **the lunch** because he was bored - so there was some inherent hypocrisy in this statement. Zuko said _I didn't leave__** the lunch **__because I was bored, I left because I..._he stopped himself short here, and then said _fuck it, lets not talk about this now. I'll go back to the lunch. _

-o-

Despite many admonishments from Zuko to the contrary, Aang did leave the meetings, because he was bored and cross, in the middle of the afternoon.

Chaos ensued in the meetings and no one listened to Aang.

Apparently Sokka and Bato were having a go at the North (My Dad was feeling a bit under the weather, but was joining in with emphatic _yeahs_), the North were having a go at General Fong, General Fong was having a go at King Bumi, and the guy from Chin was having a go at everyone.

Uncle was _really hungover _and had leaned his head on the desk when the shouting started. He was normally the person who chilled everybody out – but he was _out of commission_ at the moment. Zuko had loudly and unwisely announced that **everyone needed to calm the fuck down and shut up for a second.** The Dowager then had a go at him for using the F word in a peace meeting. But she had come expect as much from him, because he had even less decorum than his terrible sister. Zuko got defensive. Petty squabbling had ensued on all fronts.

Aang had tried to **fix it** – but he couldn't be heard over the squabbling. He was up on his own in the chairman's position and he'd banged his gavel and blown wind at everyone – but people kept fighting.

In the end, Toph and Suki had worked together to shut everybody up. Toph used her bending to make all the seats jostle their occupants, which gave everyone a bit of a fright. And Suki had _hypnotised _everyone with her Fan Dance.

At least Aang thought that was what she was doing. She jumped into the middle of the amphitheatre and started dancing andf reciting the story of how Kyoshi came to be – she was doing the full length saga about** Kyoshi and Chin and the first great global war**. She had successfully held everyone's attention – but Aang knew this story and he knew it went on for _ages. _

So he had decided to leave for a few minutes to come and see me. He was feeling a bit down about himself and needed some encouragement. We went out into the garden again. A few more of the Joo Dees were milling about out here now and tending to the flowers. They seem to find this relaxing.

Aang was a bit fidgety. I could tell he was finding the whole meeting very frustrating, but I tried to encourage him to go back quickly. He was in a central position and people would notice if he buggered off in a middle of a meeting.

Aang agreed, but then asked me awkwardly if I had thought any more about what he had said to me (which was a rather odd change of subject, considering we had just been talking about his dereliction of duty). Awkwardness abounded.

I have to say _no _in the kindest way possible. I know that. I know that. I know that. But until I do that, Aang is going to keep hopefully asking me. I was actually thinking of writing it all down in a note. My note will tell him that I _do_ love him – but as a sister and a friend, not as anything more. I'll ask his forgiveness, but I really don't know if I will ever feel_ that _way about him.

I'll write it down, I'm good with words. That way there can be no misunderstandings. I can just hand him the note – it will be easier than breaking his heart to his face. I don't know if I have it in me to do that. Especially after he said that he had another thing for me to consider while I made up my mind. He looked at me so sincerely and said _Look, I just want you to know that to me... you are perfect. _

Oh spirits, what do you say to that?

He didn't try and kiss me again (thankfully) – but just said that he hoped I would come to a decision soon and glided off back to the meeting.

-o-

Yugoda could tell I was out of sorts when I got back from talking with Aang in the garden. She made me a cup of tea and was so nice, and comforting and reminded me so much of Gran Gran, I ended up telling her **all about** my trouble with Aang.

Yugoda nodded and soothed and said _well at least he's a sweet boy. You could do worse. _She was talking like I had already decided to go with Aang, not that I was struggling to find the words to tell him no.

Yugoda shrugged and pointed out that while I had cold feet now – I would probably end up with the Avatar... in the end. At least she had always thought so. Aang really needed a good woman to take care of him – bless his cotton socks, he was just a bit hopeless on his own. He had chosen me to be that woman. I had been the one who found him – obviously the spirits had intended things to be this way. I had a responsibility to Aang that had been entrusted to me by the spirits. I could not just wish that away.

I think I must have made an exceptionally distressed face here. Yugoda lay her dry hand over mine and said softly that_ you must take heart._ Yugoda didn't think it would be a bad life...he'd treat me well, he was even tempered and not at all vicious. Many women were not as lucky and I was. I should be grateful.

I just couldn't believe that's all she thought there was too it. Aang liked me and was nice enough, so I should be grateful. Pah! She was worse than Pakku!

I protested that I didn't love Aang in that way. Yugoda was non-plussed by this and said that love didn't factor much into a happy marriage as far as she could tell. She hadn't loved her husband in the slightest when they had married... (she said this quite emphatically)...but then, she added more softly, he had...grown on her, despite all his faults. They were happy together, for the most part. Aang would grow on me to, I just had to give it time.

I think I still looked sad. Yugoda nudged me and said in an effort at cheering me up besides _he's the most powerful man in the world. What a thing it will be the travel the world with him and assist him in making it a better place. You know what they say, behind every powerful man, there is a powerful woman. _

I said that I had always hoped to be powerful in my own right. Yugoda smiled at me sadly here...like she felt real sorry for me._ Dear Katara, you want so many things...but that is not the way the world is for us. We are water tribe women – never forget that._ Watertribe women – we were the mothers, the caretakers, the healers in our tribe. We did the chores that needed doing without complaint, we held the tribe together, we sacrificed out own wants and needs for the benefit of others.

I said that I was fighting to change that. Fighting so that water tribe women would have more of a say in things. Yugoda pointed out that change hadn't happened yet and it was a very slow process. I had to **accept the world as it was now**. I couldn't wait around for the world that would be. She took my hand again and smiled at me, her old wise-woman smile. She said _What other option is there dear girl? We all have to live the life we were born into and bear the burdens the spirits cast at our feet with as much grace as we can muster. _Yugoda added that in her opinion the spirits never gave us more burdens than we could handle.

With one last comforting pat on my hand, she said _the Avatar honours you by choosing you. It would be a good life...with lots of adventure and...freedom. _She said freedom so sadly as she looked past me to the ward full of Joo Dees waiting for our attention. The she got up, her old bones creaking, and turned back to her patients and her never-ending duties.

After a beat, I followed her. I felt petty for fussing in the kitchen over a boy liking me too much, when the women in the next room had been brutalised beyond all reason. They probably longed for the days when a boy liking them to much was their biggest problem. It was silly and pointless of me to fret when there was so much work to be done.

I buried myself in work for the rest of the afternoon. But still I could hear Yugoda's voice, and her well meant advice, echoing in my head.

Everyone must live the life they were born into – there is no other option.

I was born the last waterbender of the southern water tribe. I found the Avatar in an iceberg. Aang loves me. I should not love a boy from the firenation. With the way the world is now, he is not an option for me.

I have the accept the world as it is now – not wait for the world I want.

-o-

I ended up staying in the Joo Dee wards until just before sunset. I was running late for the afternoon tea. I bustled into my room, intent on changing. I certainly got the surprise of my life...and a new dress to change into. There it was; a nice, new silk dress, all folded neatly for me on the bed – with a short note on top. Just one line.

_Sorry I've been so impossible lately. _

Then there was lots of crossing out underneath. There was no signature, but I knew it was from Zuko. Even if the handwriting hadn't been a dead give away – he was referencing the conversation we'd had earlier. Also, only Zuko could manage to be this awkward in note form. Though I guess, in fairness, if I had to write a note to him now – I would not know how to sign off either.

I held the dress and the note up to my chest, close to my heart, like some silly, soppy flibbertigibbet. But I was late and I didn't have time to be a silly, soppy flibbertigibbet. I pulled the dress on and twirled in the mirror. It fit me well. It was like the perfect dress – just in the wrong colours (grass green with a dark green and white border). Colours aside – it was the perfect dress. It was made from damask silk and had big, impractical sleeves – I couldn't tend the Joo Dees in this dress. It was a real Earth Kingdom noble woman's dress. A dress made for tea parties and not for hard work. I fixed a flower to my hair as a finishing touch – and then I was ready.

-o-

I walked along to the teashop and thought about the dress and Zuko and what the dress meant. I wasn't sure why he had given it to me – or how he had even known. But it was such a sweet and wonderful gesture. Did he actually go shopping for this himself? For me? But Zuko hates shopping with a fiery passion.

I just...he just keeps surprising me, that Zuko.

I felt a huge wave of love for him and I started thinking about how I could show my appreciation...when suddenly I pulled up short. What could I do really, aside from say thanks and hug him? We weren't going out – so all those daydreams about the _other ways I could show appreciation _were just sappy and superfluous and ridiculous.

Perhaps it was my talk with Yugoda.

Perhaps I'm just growing up and trying to be more realistic.

I really want Zuko, but I know that, in life, we can't always have want we want.

I tried to talk myself into letting go of my love for Zuko right then.

Really I need to, if I am ever to move forward with my life.

There is simply no use pining away and wanting him if I can't ever have him. Realistically it is not possible for anything to happen between us. Regardless of what I feel, regardless of whatever it is that he feels – we can't be together in_ that way. _

We can be friends...we can be the very best of friends.

We are the best of friends already.

But that has **got to be it.**

No more.

And it is time that I grew up and accepted that.

Perhaps a lot of it was just in my head anyway – perhaps I was just romanticising him and seeing more to Zuko than there actually was. He's kind and dorky and he makes me laugh and accepts me completely as I am...but he just can't wave a magical wand and make the world a better place for me

(though his job would be_ much easier_ if he could).

I thought that if we were together – then everything in my life would be perfect. But life is not like that. I can't just long for Zuko and hope that he is going to instantaneously make all my problems go away. That is **too much pressure** to put on anyone. He's not some shining prince in a fairytale who is going to save me from all my problems. He has so many problems all his own to deal with already.

Besides us getting together would be beyond complicated considering the current political climate. Everything is so complex now. It would not be an easy thing for anyone to accept – the firelord going out with the last southern waterbender. And he was so busy now...even if we were going out, we'd never have time for each other.

Realistically, those things do matter.

Us against the world may seem romantic in theory – but it never works out well. Think about Oma and Shu. Zuko is right – that story is a **tragedy.** It is not romantic that they never got to properly be together. I told Zuko that Kuei was lovesick because he loved someone he couldn't ever have. I know that pain. It gets you down after a while – wanting someone unobtainable like that.

Yugoda says that I have to accept the world for how it is now – not how I want it to be. She is right. I have to accept things as they are. The way the world is now means that I have to marry within the water tribes. ...or Aang...or no one at all.

I can't have Zuko, and really I never could.

I was stupid and feckless and thoughtless for feeling these things for him...indulging these feelings for him and for thinking all manner of things are possible. Really they aren't. I couldn't have him and I should have** squashed those feelings like bugs** when they first appeared. But it is too late for that now.

I will just have to try and not love him.

It must be possible – to turn these feelings off.

I'll find a way. Then I wont love him like... this...in this incredible, inconvenient, constantly distracting way.

Then everything will be much easier for us. We'll go on being the best of friends...but I wont love him this way, so we will no longer be awkward with each other. He'll break up with Gloomy or he wont, but either way I will be a nice and supportive friend. Just a friend though. Nothing more.

I made a promise to myself that I was going to try and get over this whole Zuko thing.

Starting right now.

Realistically, it is not going to work – and I was so foolish for thinking and wishing and hoping otherwise.

-o-

It wasn't easy.

Mostly because Zuko is still **ridiculously inadvertently sexy. **He even made his tea-serving uniform look sexy. It's like I find everything he does sexy now.

But I am going to stop looking at him being sexy and thinking _mmmmhhhhh_ to myself, because that is silly and wasteful and pointless and I am trying to turn these feelings off.

Anyway, he was being sexy in the tea-shop uniform – which in itself was an obstacle to** getting over this. **But then he looked up and saw me come in and smiled even wider at me – which was another obstacle. He told me I looked really lovely - obviously this was a third obstacle.

Okay I am going to stop listing things that are obstacles here. I am going to start listing the things I find unattractive about him instead.

I helped him in the kitchen (Iroh said that just because he was the firelord, it didn't mean that he got out of tea-serving). I thanked him for the dress and he asked me nervously if I liked it. I said I did and he seemed pleased.

I asked Zuko why he had gotten it for me anyway – and he shrugged as if even he wasn't sure. Then he muttered, mostly at his feet, that he just wanted me to know that he _really was sorry._ He told me that Toph had said this was the one I really wanted (well that explained why the colours were off – Did Zuko forget Toph is blind when he took her shopping?) so he thought it would be a nice peace offering. I told him it was very close to the one I wanted...it was just a slightly different colour...I just wanted the turquoise one in there.

Zuko thought turquoise was a rock. I had to explain to him that it was a shade of blue - this is the first unattractive thing! He doesn't know many words for all the different shades of blue.

So there, I can get over this!

I am a waterbender. I know eighty shades of blue. To Zuko blues are either dark blue, blue blue, light blue or sea blue.

After the turquoise interlude, Zuko fretted a bit about getting the wrong colour and worrying that I actually hated the dress and that's what he got for listening to Toph. I reassured him that I did really like the dress. It was a very thoughtful gift and besides **I made green look good.**

He looked at me with this really...it was a nice look, but an intense look. Kind of piercing. It made my stomach do a little backflip. He said _you really do _with this soft little sigh. And it was really kind of sexy...and if I were still indulging these feelings I would have thought _mmmmhhhhh_ to myself here.

But I did not. I stayed strong.

Actually, I left the kitchen abruptly - which is almost like staying strong.

-o-

Iroh gave a little speech, welcoming us to the jasmine dragon. He explained that he had invited us all here because he thought it would be nice if we all got some time to hang out together again. He said he knew that the world was changing rapidly and our lives were getting more complicated and we hadn't had much time together – just the six of us.

There was a slightly awkward moment, because he forgot that he had also invited Gloomy out of politeness, so there was in fact seven of us there. (Okay, I don't like Gloomy or anything, but I do feel bad that she keeps being forgotten by everyone).

From what Iroh had heard, we had become a real family unit on ember island. Iroh thought it was important that we always make time for each other – families do that. Well he used a lot more proverbs in his speech, but that was the general gist.

Sokka was trying to sketch us all, like Piandao would do – but like all of Sokka's artistic attempts, the result was kind of...impressionistic. He scrunched up his third attempt and started a new one. Aang was playing with Momo and an airball on the floor. Uncle got out the Tsungi horn, in order to provide 'mood music'.

There was another awkward moment where Toph stole Gloomy's spot. Gloomy had brought a book and was planning on just lounging on one of the tables and reading. She had her eye on a likely looking reading table – but Toph grabbed it and put her feet up on the table. Gloomy looked at Toph like she was trying to make her spontaneously combust with her mind (even though she's not a firebender). Suki did the tact fairy thing and invited Gloomy for a game of Pai Sho. I hovered over their game and over Sokka's shoulder and watched him draw us.

Zuko came back from the kitchen and served his Uncle first, then Toph, then me, then Gloomy. Gloomy smiled at him and gave his arse a little swat in thanks. It was just one of those little touches that you sometimes see between couples, oh but it_ wrenched_ my heart to see it. I mean, I am trying my best to get over it - but it is still hard that Gloomy is around, seemingly flaunting their dysfunctional coupledom in my face.

Even though I vowed to turn these feelings off – I felt a surge of jealousy so powerful, that I'm surprised every teapot in the place didn't crack. I must be getting much better at control.

I didn't want to even look at the two of them together. In that moment, I felt so jealous I could taste it. I should be the arse-swatter, not Gloomy! I went to bother Sokka instead, lest the vomitous sight of Zuko with Gloomy forced me to **throw up all over the Pai Sho game. **

Intellectually, I know they are together – but that doesn't mean I have to like seeing it.

Zuko shifted uncomfortably behind me and was admonished by Sokka – who was trying to "capture the moment" and make a painting so that we would always remember the good times together. Sokka wanted _everyone_ to stop moving – so that he could capture the moment better (_everyone_ mostly applied to Zuko – because he was the main culprit on the moving about front.)

I saw an acceptable distraction in Sokka's stupid painting. I wandered over to say something encouraging, like I normally did. I told him that doing a painting was very thoughtful idea – this was of course, before I had actually _seen_ his painting.

I couldn't help the criticism that sprung to my lips. Whenever I am feeling out of sorts, criticising Sokka always makes me feel better. In my defence, this wasn't just out-of-sorts-criticism, this was wow-that-picture-really-is-dreadful-criticism. Sokka had drawn me with Momo's ears – though he claimed they were my hair loopies.

Zuko came over to investigate the painting for himself, as soon as Sokka and I started talking about it (ie - I started complaining about my portrait). He looked at Sokka's drawing, tilted his head and frowned and then said, that at least I didn't look like a borqupine. He gave me a slight smile and then told Sokka that his hair was not that spiky. In truth, Sokka had drawn Zuko with the most ridiculous sticky-up hair.

At that point I looked up and saw Aang watching me from the door. He gave me a hopeful, yet oddly sad expression and then left to go stand on the balcony.

Everyone else, however, wandered over to have a gander and a criticise. Gloomy came and stood next to Zuko. she looked at her picture and said flatly that Sokka had drawn her looking like a man (perhaps this is because she **does look like a man**? Oooh that is bitchy!) Suki was mystified as to why Sokka had drawn her firebending. Iroh complained that he was nowhere near as fat as Sokka had drawn him. Then Momo jumped on the table and chattered at Sokka – Sokka got a bit stroppy at Momo, because he presumed that Momo was offering more criticism.

Toph wandered over and said that we all looked great – and much hilarity was had. Iroh gave Toph a little hair ruffle. Gloomy then gave Zuko a little nudge and said_ hey sweetie, do you want to tell Toph what she looks like in the picture?_

Sweetie?

She calls him sweetie?

**Oh Spew!**

**And Vomit!**

That is just disgusting!

And revolting.

There was something unkind in Gloomy's tone, which I didn't like. In truth Sokka has drawn Toph looking like a mad little gremlin, but I didn't think Zuko would just come out and say that to Toph's face. I didn't hear his answer however, because I was so disgusted by the _sweetie. _As soon as I heard that, I strode towards the door onto the balcony.

I needed some air.

_-o-_

Aang was there, standing at the railing and looking out over the whole city. It was a beautiful view from up here. The Ba Sing Se lay out, splendid and expansive below us. I could see why Iroh would want to come back here. I looked at Aang as he watched the sunset and the city below him and considered my options.

Aang told me he loved me and I still have to give him an answer about that. My first reflex was_ no, no no, sorry, no. _But maybe I need to stop fighting reality and destiny and just say _yes. _There are so very few things in life that I am absolutely certain about. However, I know with bone deep certainty that Aang **needs **me.

No matter what I want for myself – Aang needs me. Aang needs me for so many different things. Without me, he's lost. The world needs Aang. It is _selfish_ of me to refuse Aang, when he has so many responsibilities.

I could take care of him and help him be a better Avatar. Yugoda is right. It wouldn't be a bad life. He wouldn't be cruel to me. He'd treat me well. And I can do it. I have been taking care of Aang for over a year and it has very rarely ever felt like a burden. Most of the time, it has been a lot of fun.

It wouldn't be the end of the world, if I said yes to Aang.

Spending time with Aang is a lot more preferable to spending time with friggin Han – and if those two are my only options, then of course I would pick Aang.

He's not my first choice – but that's okay. It's okay because I have to let my first choice go and accept the reality of my situation.

I can't have Zuko. Somebody else has him already. And even if he wasn't with Gloomy, it would be impossible for it to ever work out between us. I need to stop being childish and hoping. Being with Aang might help push thoughts of Zuko from my brain for good. Aang could grow on me, after all. He could grow on me. He could grow into the sort of man I want. He could. He could be such a wonderful boyfriend that I forget all about the firebender. He could help me get over _this. _

Besides, Aang and I are fate. He was entrusted to me by the spirits. It is my duty to look after him.

Aunt Wu said that I would marry a great bender and then later that day Sokka called Aang a great bender. Maybe Aang has always been my destiny. My destiny to find him. My destiny to look after him. Destiny comes for all of us, whether we will it or not.

I remember looking at Aang's silhouette, with the blazing sunset behind him, and thinking one clear thought. _May as well get on with it. _And with that, a decision was made.

-o-

I walked over to him, almost soundlessly. He turned and looked at me hopefully. I gave him a nice hug around his shoulders. I didn't speak and he didn't say anything. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him. Everything I could have said would have been a lie. I couldn't say that I felt the same way he did (even though I know that is what he wanted to hear). I didn't love him that way. Though life would be so much easier if I could just love Aang the way he loves me.

I didn't at the moment. But that didn't mean that I wouldn't in the future. I decided to just do it. Just kiss him and get it over with. So I cupped his face and he looked at me with such bewildered hope for a second. I couldn't look at him in the face – not when he was looking so heartbreakingly hopeful. I closed my eyes and closed the distance between us.

Even though I was silent the whole time, I couldn't help but hear a cacophony of thoughts in my head. The thoughts tumbled over each other and drove my actions. _Maybe he would grow on me. Wouldn't be a bad life. What other option is there. May as well get it over with. _

Our lips met and I felt_ nothing._ Which is weird. I've only kissed Jet and Haru really (despite a couple of near misses with you-know-who). With both Jet and Haru, I felt all excited and my nerves were jangling. I felt _something._ With Jet, I had felt like I had a goldfish swimming around in my stomach. Even with my near misses with Zuko, it felt like I had a Koi fish in my belly and it was doing backflips of glee.

Really this kiss with Aang should have been much better than kissing Jet in the trees. With Jet, we were in a small, cramped treehouse, in the dark, with no view. Aang and I, on the other hand, had the perfect romantic setting, high above a city at sunset, a beautiful view and nothing above us but open sky. I knew that Aang wouldn't ever hurt me the way that Jet did. I should be feeling more...I should have been feeling that happy fish feeling – not this uncertain, unformed dread.

My dread was that I had just made **a terrible, terrible mistake. **

I wouldn't ever feel romantic passion for Aang. No matter how much I wanted to. And all the beautiful, romantic sunsets wouldn't make a jot of difference. All that talk about being realistic was just me bullshitting myself. The reality of this situation was that I wouldn't ever care for Aang this way. Kissing him was like kissing a relative. It wasn't romantic. It was devoid of sexyness. It was all wrong.

Still, I tried. In one last throw of the dice, one last clutch at a straw, I thought that maybe it was me. I was kissing him too chastely. Jet had stuck his tongue in pretty quickly, and I had liked it when he did that. That was sexy. That was passionate. Maybe I could do that with Aang, and see if that improved the kiss. See if it made me feel anything for him other than the deepening dread.

It worked in some respects. I stopped feeling dread and started feeling shame instead. I don't know if this was an improvement on the previous situation.

I stuck the tongue in. Aang's reaction was instantaneous. He abruptly pulled back in surprise and looked at me in shock. He hadn't been expecting me to do that. He definitely didn't seem to enjoy it. All our previous kisses have been Aang instigated. They have been little chaste pecks. This was the first time I had instigated anything. It was definitely the first time tongues had got involved.

Aang and I stood staring at each other for a second. It really could have only been a second – but it just felt like forever. Aang was looking at me with complete bafflement - like he didn't even know me. He asked _Katara what are you doing? _There was no accusation in his tone, only complete confusion. I knew the answer and felt shame at even thinking it – let alone saying it out loud.

I did what appeared to be the only sensible thing in this situation.

I ran away.

-o-

Alright, I admit it. I'm a coward. A terrible, terrible coward. And a hypocrite. And possibly a pervert. I have often exposed to Aang how inconvenient his_ little running away_ trick is. The irony of me being the one who is running from Aang this time is not lost on me. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. Aang didn't come after me.

I just can't deal with Aang and his sad, confused face and his expectations and needs right now. I can't. I don't have any answers for him. Well I do, but they are not the right ones. Not the ones he wants to hear.

Aang doesn't want to hear that I kissed him because I wanted him to help me get over Zuko.

Or that I kissed him because I was worried that my only other option was Han – and out of the two of them, he is preferable choice.

Or that I kissed him because I felt like he was my duty and my destiny and I had decided to stop fighting fate and just resign myself to it.

No one wants to be kissed because the other person is _resigned _to them.

Mostly that I worry that all those other reasons are just justifications and I really kissed Aang because I am lonely, petty and jealous...and pretty stupid.

I ran back to the shopping district, where I had dinner with Toph and Suki. I found one of the teashops and sat down and ordered a calming chamomile. I needed to calm down and think about what to do next. I just needed to think – to be on my own with my own space, without Aang constantly hovering over my shoulder asking for my decision, with big, sad, hopeful eyes.

I leaned my head on my hands. Self recriminations were piling up in my head. Life would be so much easier if I felt anything romantic for Aang. But I just...there's just nothing like that there. Not even a faint spark.

He's my friend, he's like my little brother. I want to mother him. I don't want to snog him.

In fact I feel a bit grossed out to think about it now. I feel like I am some sort of pervert. He's only 12...yes, he's soon to be 13...but he hasn't even really hit puberty yet. His voice hasn't even started breaking. What sort of pervert tongue-kisses 12-year-olds?

I am that sort of pervert.

And I don't like myself for doing it.

Yes, Aang was constantly pursuing me and trying to kiss me and saying he loves me...but Aang doesn't properly understand what that kind of love means. I'm not saying that I understand it completely (If I did, I would surely know how to turn off such pesky feelings). But I'm older and I know more...I certainly know more than Aang. I know about sex and passion and compromise. I know all those things are important.

Aang refers to sex as 'doing sex' and thinks it is only for procreation. Aang thinks romantic passion is bad for his spirit – as the airnomads advised against such worldly attachments. Aang is still not very good at compromise, with anyone, let alone me. He's is probably best at compromising with Toph or Zuko, because they both demand so much more of Aang. I have always tried to support and indulge Aang – and when we disagree, somehow Aang always ends up in the right. He normally makes me feel like I am in the wrong, or I just give in because I don't want to argue.

I was stupid for thinking that I could just kiss Aang and then it would be romantic between us. We are not compatible like that at all and my instincts have always told me this. I have always shied away from being with Aang. Whenever he tried to get romantic with me, I would always feel uncomfortable. But I went against all my instincts today. I thought I could force it, that Aang would grow on me . I thought that kissing him would make me forget the sight and sound of Zuko with friggin Gloomy Hairbuns.

I am a terrible person for using my friend like this...my 12-year-old naïve friend.

And soon I will have to go back and face Aang, and break his heart. And it will be doubly hard now that I have just gone and kissed him.

Just not yet. I need to get my courage up first.

-o-

Just when I thought the night couldn't get any worse. I saw the last two people I wanted to see in the whole world at the end of the street. Zuko and Gloomy. Together. Cripes were they on **a date**? Is this my punishment from the spirits for getting petty and jealous?! Would I be forced to observe them being romantic together as part of some sort of twisted Karma? I was in a little cul-de-sac of shops and tea houses. There was no escape behind me, I wouldn't be able to slip past them unnoticed. I felt a bit trapped.

I pulled my menu up in front of my face – as hiding seemed like the best option. The teashop was moderately busy and I could only hope that I would blend in. I looked like I belonged in an upper ring tea house in this dress anyway.

Gloomy and Zuko walked towards me and as they got closer, it was obvious that they were disagreeing about something. As they got closer, I took a little peek over my menu and I could make out what they were saying. Gloomy was huffing about being bored (_again!_) and Zuko was rolling his eyes at her dramatically. Gloomy stopped and gave a very expansive huff and said_ this is just stupid. What makes you think Bossy Hairloops is even here?_ Zuko sighed long-sufferingly and said_ Her name is Katara and...I just have a hunch okay. _

Gloomy crossed her arms and remarked incredulously that Zuko had dragged her down to this manky shopping district on a hunch. Zuko retorted that he hadn't dragged her - she had followed him. He started to move away from her, but Gloomy remained rooted to the spot, arms crossed, looking unhappy. She said, in that annoying flat voice, _Look Zuko, this is pointless and boring and you and Suki and ….what's the other blue one's name?_ (Zuko interjected Sokka at this point). Gloomy continued,_ well you and Suki and Sokka are just over-reacting_._ Bossy hairloops can take care of herself. _

Zuko crossed his arms as well and asked Gloomy to stop calling me Bossy Hairloops. Gloomy sighed and then Zuko sighed. There they were standing with their arms folded, sighing at each other in a long-suffering manner. Gloomy said _Look, all I mean is that "Katara" _(she said my name most sarcastically) _doesn't need big, strong you to protect her. She's a bloody master waterbender for fuck's sake and there are fountains all over this city._ Zuko shrugged and said that be that as it may, he would just feel better for finding me.

Gloomy fired back that she'd feel better if she was sitting down to a cup of ginseng at the jasmine dragon – but sometimes she didn't get the things she wanted. Zuko turned away for a second and then said that if she really wanted that, she could go back to the jasmine dragon. He certainly wasn't stopping her.

Gloomy looked askance at him. It was an odd evaluating look. Then she said slowly _you're right. You're not going to stop me if I go._ It was a statement and not a question. The conversation got really awkward at that point and it was apparent that they were no longer talking about Gloomy getting tea. They were talking about something much bigger. Zuko didn't seem to know what to say to that. He couldn't very well deny it.

Eventually he tried to say something, but Gloomy cut him off pretty quickly and announced that she didn't want to hear it. She sounded rather cross for Gloomy. I mean she was so cross that she was letting it show, and she normally never lets her emotions show. She added _I'm going now_ with a great deal of vehemence. Zuko responded with a dull _fine, suit yourself. _Gloomy said that she would and then she turned and strode away on her big long legs. Zuko watched her go for a second and then turned back to the cul-de-sac. I was properly looking over the menu now and I wasn't even bothering to hide behind it.

Our eyes met instantly.

Then he smiled at me and started walking over. I felt that fish-in-the-belly feeling all over again, just from him smiling at me. And I knew then, that it is pointless to pretend that I can just decide to 'get over it' in an afternoon. If just him smiling at me gives me that fish-in-the-belly feeling proves anything; it proves that I am not _getting over it a_nytime soon. I'm so far gone, it is not even funny. There is no off button for this feeling.

Damn you inconvenient fish!

-o-o-o-o-o-

* * *

Rambly notes:

Lovely wonderful readers! Thanks so much for reading this chapter! I hope you have thoroughly enjoyed it! Also a massive **thank you with cherries on top **for all your reviews and feedback from the last chapter! Seriously guys, I just love hearing what my lovely readers think – so merci, grazi and danke to everyone who takes the time to drop me a line. All reviews are read and appreciated!

Some of you wrote wonderful, detailed reviews that had a few question...and I have been a very bad author and not replied! Sorry about that. I've been massively time-poor lately. But expect a reply soon! However I hope some of the shenanigans in this chapter cleared up a few things for everyone.

So in this chapter I briefly covered how I think Mai would go in political situations. Canon-shippers often say that Mai is some sort of political genius and so she would be an asset to Zuko. I politely disagree. I don't think we can shoe-horn the poor girl into a political role – just because her father is a politican (My mum is a nurse – that doesn't make me an automatic medical genius). Especially because Mai herself **despises politics** and thinks her Dad's devotion to his political career ruined her childhood. Mai is also very aloof and blunt and I don't think she is the sort of person to put on a charming facade for the sake of politics. Mai is very good at hiding her emotions, but she is also very openly disdainful of others. I just don't think Mai is a political mastermind. I think she understands politics and she doesn't like it and is accordingly cynical.

Katara, Suki and Toph also have a girly evening – because they haven't had an all girl outing in a while. Toph is trying to subtly give Katara some hints – but alas, no dice. Suki and Toph have had many conversations about 'tact' and Toph's lack of it when it comes to Zuko's love life. Suki has been espousing the 'let them sort it out between themselves' approach.

They go dress shopping and discover the origins of that dress – just in case any of you were wondering. I think that Katara would be a little frugal with money. The South is obviously not wealthy in comparison to the other nations and Katara is very concious of this. She wants to look nice, but she doesn't want to overspend on luxuries. I think she would feel very weird about borrowing money from her friends just for herself. I think that she was able to take money for 'the mission' but taking money for a what she would perceive as a selfish want would be tricky for her.

Some of the dress stuff is just me being a bit shallow – but seriously, yellow does not suit Katara at all. With her fabulous brown skin and blue eyes – she'd be a _Cool and Bright _for sure. (Trinny and Susannah were my favourite guilty pleasure...don't judge me lovely readers). Katara looks great in dynamic jewel colours. She would not look good in yellows. You very rarely see Katara drawn in airnomand clothes by Kataang fanartists for this reason I think (Unless they make her white and then the yellow is okay... though still not great because of the tone clash with her eyes). Katara in yellow is just not aesthetically appealing. I also don't think the dress at the end is the right shade of green for her. She'd do better in a brighter, deeper emerald green.

Katara rocks all reds though...just saying.

Okay shallow moment over.

Um I also have Hakoda and Iroh getting drunk together because I think they'd make great drinking buddies. I think they they have become great friends and they do respect each other a whole bunch. And they are also both struggling with being single fathers/guardians of rambunctious teenagers. When Iroh's "talk" with Zuko went all fruit-shaped and disastrous, he would have gone over to Hakoda's, charmed his way past the guards and they would have proceeded to get drunk together.

I also alluded to differing attitudes to sex in the FN and the SWT. I think that Hakoda approach would differ between Sokka and Katara. He would likely give Sokka an awkward congrats and Katara an over-my-dead-body-talk, when it came to them being sexually active. Mostly just because this seems to be a prevalent double standard.

Iroh on the other hand, is both more accepting and more critical of Zuko having sex. I actually think that for all Iroh's meddling, he knows that Zuko is actually quite serious and sensible about this sort of thing. He's not a boy-slut who'll throw himself around. Iroh does trust him to make good decisions in this respect – which is why he is so surprised and concerned by Toph's opinion that Gloomy and Zuko are together just for the sex. Iroh can see how unhappy Zuko is with Gloomy and he wouldn't ever congratulate Zuko for having sex with her. Iroh wouldn't want to think that his nephew was using a girl in this fashion and he wouldn't want Zuko being that intimate with someone for such shallow reasons.

Iroh would both support and criticise Zuko's sex life. (Zuko will also be forever horrified by his uncle using the phrase 'we need to talk about your sex life'. ) Iroh means so well in this talk – but it is all sorts of awkward. He commiserates with Hakoda until Hakoda gives him an idea. We will see the results of this idea later. Also I mentioned a couple of times that Zuko denies that he is with Mai for the sex. He's being honest here. He's sticking it out for other reasons, which we will hear about next chapter.

I also don't think that Zuko and Mai have had sex since she came back from prison. Mai's parents are back in the firenation and living in her home now – so the ease of having a private residence and no interruptions is gone. Zuko would be insanely busy and they have only had two dates or so, since 'getting back together'. (Zuko is not quite as busy as he tells Mai he is...make of that what you will). Also Zuko has a big lightning scar on his chest from taking lightning for another girl – I don't think Mai would want to look at that. I also think that Zuko would not be quite ready to let his guard down and go there with Mai again, considering all their trust issues lately.

Katara is excluded from the big meetings, due to the inherent sexism of the water tribe. The water tribes are trying to present a united front (in theory) and Katara's exclusion is one of the results. This is, in part, to give myself a satisfactory answer as to why Katara seems to take such a backseat to everything in the comics and Korra. I mean she is never at any other meeting in Korra and that kind of annoys me (seriously where was she?). This is the only legitimate reason I can see for her not being there. If she is excluded on cultural/sexist grounds and forbidden from attending.

I don't think Katara would be happy about this at all. Katara, as she is portrayed in ATLA, would want to be involved. Her Dad and Sokka and Bato are willing to fight for her right to attend. In fact everyone is. I think that the other Gaang members would be genuinely surprised that she would be excluded. Katara's been banging on about sexism a great deal, but this is the first time the rest of the Gaang get to see the sexism of the tribes in a very upfront way. It's a very in-your-face form of sexism.

I think that Zuko would definitely_ want _to kick up a stink about it. He is very prone to forcefully blurting out exactly what he thinks at inappropriate moments when he feels passionate about something. Zuko is steadfastly on Katara's side and he would hate to see her excluded – and I think his own sense of justice would be offended if any of the Gaang got excluded. Out of the Gaang, he is the most likely to cause a ruckus about this and I don't think the NWT would take a lecture on justice from a firebender very well at all.

Katara knows this and abandons Plan A in favour of having an honest conversation with Zuko . She asks him to keep his opinions to himself in regards to her attendance. Zuko listens to her and puts Katara's wishes ahead of his own desire to be a hero for her and fight for her rights.

I think that Katara would see how petty Plan A was, in light of all this other stuff that is going on. She would abandon it pretty quickly, and of her own volition, the second she had something important to discuss with Zuko. So they get back on speaking terms pretty quickly.

But I still felt they needed to clear the air a little bit. I think that Zuko would have gone to bother Sokka at some point and been all _why is Katara mad at me again?_ Sokka, bless his cotton socks, would have just advised Zuko to have a proper talk about stuff with his sister. Sokka is probably thinking to himself _come on people! Basic communication is not __**this **__h__ard!_

Anyway, Zuko would have sought Katara out at the first available opportunity, just so he could clear the air. He's still freaked out by the Joo Dees – due to his experience with them in _Jet's troubling obsession._ Anyway, Zuko and Katara clear the air between them and I get to touch on the one thing that I could see as the biggest obstacle for them when they are a couple. That thing is time...or lack of it. Especially with Zuko's schedule, finding time for each other is going to be hard.

Aang, bless him, is struggling a bit to assert himself as Avatar and is seeking reassurance and comfort from Katara and Zuko (ie Mum and Dad). As soon as he gets asked some tough questions at the lunch, he looks for Zuko...only to be surprised that Zuko has snuck off like a sneaky ninja. When the meeting collapses into squabbles, he seeks comfort from Katara, who has previously always been very indulgent of his foibles.

I just think that in reality, a thirteen year old kid would have a hard time commanding the respect of a room full of hardened generals and opinionated leaders. I think that Aang would really have to work on his **presence** and **gravitas** as an Avatar. This is actually something that I think that Iroh could really help with (and he has presence and gravitas by the bucketload) – however Iroh is out of commission for the day.

Zuko's tendency to shout that **everybody needs to calm the fuck down **in situations of immense squabbling is something that he had inherited from his brilliant cousin. Those of you who are following my _new years _fic might have caught the reference.

Aang has a bit of a failure here, with his inability to keep the meeting on task and to separate the fights. This squabble isn't like in_ the great divide. _Aang can't make these disagreements go away with some bullshit. Everyone's grievances are fairly legitimate in the peace summit. Aang can't maintain the peace on his own and it takes the combined efforts of Suki and Toph to shut everyone up. Suki isn't doing the fan dance for shiggles – she is trying to draw contrasts between the last global war and this one. Because she knows her history and because she wins at life.

Anyway, Aang finds this whole situation a bit difficult, so he comes looking for Katara for validation.

Aang is also getting a bit impatient for Katara's answer and he is a bit more pushy in this chapter. He would have been very perturbed about finding Zuko and Katara together again earlier in the chapter. But he is still putting Katara up on this pedestal. He sees her as perfect. He said last chapter that he saw her as the best present he could ever get. (this is a reflection of the attitude that Aang should be rewarded with Katara for being a good boy). Anyway Aang's visit would have obviously upset Katara and Yugoda would have tried to comfort her as best she could.

So Yugoda is almost a Gran-Gran substitute for Katara. She is an older, wiser Water tribe woman. I'm not trying to make Yugoda out to be the bad guy. She has just a much more pessimistic view of the world and reality. When Katara tells her that Aang is obsessed with her – Yugoda would have assumed that Aang would eventually get his way and have Katara.

Everything in Yugoda's life previously has taught her that powerful men normally get their way, regardless of how the women in question feel. She would have felt it would be more beneficial for Katara to be able to find the strength to embrace her fate rather than fight against it fruitlessly. So that is how she tries to advise her.

Like Pakku, Yugoda thinks Katara's options are limited to a few NWT men and Aang. Yugoda (and Katara) see Aang as the lesser of two evils. I think that Yugoda is also very spiritual – and she sees the fact that Katara was the one to find Aang as some sort of omen. She is also very practical about things and, while she agrees with Katara's position on women's rights, she knows that true change can take **a long time. ** I think she is very much of the _do the best – with what you've got- when and where you are_ school of thought.

Yugoda sees taking care of Aang as Katara's duty, her own divine burden from the spirits. And this dovetails into Katara's own reasoning for choosing Aang.

I always thought that Katara must have gone with Aang because she felt that she was responsible for him and because they were destined somehow. Katara's not happy with this destiny, but after her talk with Yugoda, she sees it as somewhat inevitable and resigns herself to it temporarily.

This is just me critiquing the whole kataang idea that because Katara was the one to find Aang, she is therefore obligated to look after him forever. I am also taking an oblique swipe and the whole Aunt Wu said she'd marry _a powerful bender _thing. I know this line is deliberately ambiguous, but the episode later hints at Kataang. However, there are many powerful benders in the show *cough* Zuko *cough* .Why didn't Aunt Wu say it was the Avatar, if Katara was always destined for Aang.

Anyway, Katara tries to convince herself to just let go of her Zuko crush, because on paper, it is an impossible relationship...and she is getting a bit despondent over the whole unrequited love thing. After her talk with Yugoda, she is a bit more resigned to Aang and tries to convince herself that maybe Aang will grown on her. Oh Katara bb, I have also made this mistake.

So Katara is trying to be very mature and adult and responsible and accept that she wont get want she wants. Even though she wants Zuko a lot, she is trying her best to move on. She is also resigning herself to the fact that maybe taking care of Aang is her destiny..but that thing that finally motivates her to test her hypothesis and finally kiss Aang is just** pure unadulterated jealousy.** Zuko and Mai haven't really been that couple-y in front of Katara in my fic, and this is the first time she sees them properly together. She doesn't have a good reaction.

On a completely random note: I actually feel a bit sorry for Mai in that final sequence. She just really seems like the odd man out. She doesn't seem to integrate with the Gaang very well and I could eventually see her feeling resentful over being left out of the loop a lot. The Gaang just became such a family unit and she never seems to fit with them. Even in Gaang fanart that tries to include her, she always seems tacked on as an after thought. It just makes me feel sad for her. I just think Mai needs to go and find her own friends and have adventures of her own.

Katara's reaction to Zuko being called "sweetie" is just me taking a light-hearted swipe at "the promise" comic series. Anyway, now that part three has come out and I can see how they all hang together as a whole, I have to agree with Katara. Spew and vomit indeed! For those of you who are wondering, I am not going to consider _the promise_ canon. There are just so many storytelling possibilities post-ATLA that I am genuinely surprised that they went with the hotmess that was _the promise_. I feel like saying "you could have done ANYTHING, and you did _that_?

So the Kataang finale kiss happens in this chapter and now I am done with canon. I hope it wasn't too dreadful for my lovely readers. I wanted to include it, so that this fic does neatly fit with canon. Now I can even watch the Kataang kiss and pretend that Katara is either thinking_ may as well get it over with_ or thinking about swatting Zuko's arse. Take your pick.

Anyway, two things bother me about the Kataang kiss (well actually many assorted things bother me about the Kataang kiss – but there are only two which are relevant to this rambly note). First thing is the **complete lack of dialogue and motivation from Katara.** Last time they spoke, in series, Aang was a pissy little entitled prat to her. He never apologises and they never make up. Katara just comes out and silently kisses him at the very end.

I needed some dialogue and justification for this rapid change in attitude. In EIP she is clearly _not that into him_. To go from that to a full on snog was just beyond my suspension of disbelief. So Kataang still don't talk before the big smooch, but this is because Katara is mostly ashamed of her motivations for snogging Aang.

The second big thing is the snog itself. It made me distinctly uncomfortable to watch it, all shipping aside. I realised that this was because Aang is still prepubescent when the kiss takes place. This could just be my prude-side coming out. I mean I thought I had a very tolerant attitude to everything, but prepubescent tongue snogging just makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Aang just hasn't developed in that area at all. I mean the kid hasn't even hit puberty yet for goodness sake. It was just unnecessary to make him the love-interest. **It really squicked me out.** Even if Kataang had been a functional and seaworthy vessel, I wouldn't have wanted to see that.

Kataangers point out that a two year difference is nothing and like to wave the hypocrisy flag at us, because Zuko is two years older than Katara. But both Zuko and Katara are animated as post-pubescent teens. They have both matured in that department. They are also both very mature for the age (sometimes). They seem much closer to adulthood, where a two year difference would not be that much of an issue.

But two years makes a hell of a difference with Kataang because Aang is still in many respects a child – even just in his physical development. His voice hasn't broken, he doesn't seem to have hit puberty and he is also exceptionally naïve. Why couldn't Bryke just let Aang be the innocent kid they always claimed he was? Why lump him with a dysfunctional and doomed romance when he is only 12?

Anyway, I have Aang react badly when Katara tries to take the kiss up a notch to a more sexual/romantic level. All their previous kisses have been Aang instigated chaste pecks – I actually think that tongue kissing would catch Aang off-guard and make him uncomfortable. Despite how much he crushes on Katara, he doesn't really know what that kind of romantic relationship would really entail. Adult kisses are just the start.

All of this is not Aang's fault, but it would be an insurmountable obstacle to Kataang in my opinion. (and obviously bryke think I am wrong). Kataang is just wrong on so many levels to me. I know that some Zutarans get a little on their high horse and say that Kataang is paedophilic in nature. I don't go that far. Paedophilia is a really big and serious word to just be throwing around and I guess I just don't like seeing Katara described as such. Aang is still a kid, yes and kissing him was gross and stupid, but I don't see it as paedophilia.

I think that because Katara acts so mature that it is easy to forget that Katara is also young. She makes a young person's mistakes. I have Katara realise how big a mistake she has made in kissing Aang, pretty quickly. She feels very guilty and thinks she's a horrible person. She can't deal with Aang right then and so she does the sensible (if hypocritical) thing and runs away.

I just think that she'd bolt from this sort of situation and try to find a quiet place where she could collect herself, away from Aang's questions and demands. Aang would have told the others that Katara ran away pretty quickly. He wouldn't have told them about the kiss – but he would have been clearly upset. There would have been a shenanigan and then Zuko, Suki and Sokka would have split up to look for Katara. Mai would have tagged along with Zuko – leaving Aang alone with Toph and Iroh (who are both unashamedly perceptive and nosy).

Katara also gets to witness another Maiko disagreement. I mean with Maiko, it is a whole different kettle of dysfunctional fish. The whole time they are together in the series, they are doing one of three things. Snogging, bitching about how bored they are/how much they are annoyed by the other person, or not communicating like it is_ their job. _This ship was not built to last and the cracks in the hull are showing all over. Mai is getting quietly jealous over Katara. She's not going to make a thing about it – but she does notice how Zuko and Katara are together. She's not blind and she's not an jealousy drives her to be a little more possessive and physically demonstrative in this chapter. She also realises that Zuko would not even try to stop her from leaving him. This will play a role next chapter.

Also next chapter – Zuko and Katara will go the refugee districts. They will meet Jet. Shenanigans will ensue. There will be a short stay for two people at the 27th district guards station. Katara and Sokka will hear a new word (gay panic) and require an explanation. Suki will be slandered. Toph will laugh her arse off. And much fun will be had by all.

Til then my lovelies...


	16. the firelight fountain incident

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The firelight fountain incident.

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Zuko wandered over and sat down next to me. He noticed the chamomile tea. I only drink it when I'm feeling stressed or sad or I can't sleep. So it was an appropriate beverage considering how out of sorts I was feeling. He seemed a bit worried – but he also seemed to have no idea about the terrible, dreadful, horrible mistake of a kiss. I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. I decided it was a bad thing because it meant that I would have to be the one to tell him.

Aang had gone back into the teashop after I had run of. He'd been clearly upset at the time. He'd also been very sketchy about the details of my hasty retreat. Aang has now pulled out the old Katara's-gone-nuts excuse.

Perhaps I am nuts.

It was crazy kissing Aang after all. Anyway, according to Aang – I went mad and ran away. A search party composed of Sokka, Suki and Zuko left to have a look for me. Toph wanted to stay with Aang because he seemed a bit upset. Iroh also opted to stay at the Jasmine Dragon, in case wisdom needed to be espoused.

Zuko did the usual amount of beating around the bush and awkwardness when it comes to conversations about feelings (his least favourite topic). He could tell something was up. After the requisite amount of awkwardness, he asked me pretty bluntly what had happened.

The cowardly part of me wanted to lie. I'm not sure where that urge came from. Maybe it was because I was worried he was going to put on his judgmental pants and get _all judgy. _But it's not like he could get all judgy really. I mean he was going out with Gloomy hairbuns after all, and that has certainly brought out everyone else's judgmental pants. People in relationships made of poor decisions shouldn't throw judgmental rocks.

I pushed away the urge to lie. I'm always upfront with Zuko. I shouldn't feel like I have to lie about this. He was going to find out anyway. So after a bit of dancing around the subject, and toying with my cup – I just ended up blurting out the truth and confessed _I kissed Aang okay._

Well he certainly didn't put on his **judgmental pants** when I said that.

He opted for **jealous jealous pants of jealousy** instead.

At first he seemed a bit flabbergasted and he repeated what I said, like it was a question – only he emphasized different words, and spoke a lot louder._ You kissed __**Aang? **_He made this really sort of surprised face, which was quickly followed by a sort of dumfounded and disgusted pout. I nodded a little shamefacedly. The little flames in the lanterns around the square, and all the candles on the table got a lot brighter. The owner of this teashop had put little candles everywhere to create a romantic atmosphere. In my current frame of mind, I was inclined to think** boo romance, boo. **

I was feeling defensive about the whole Aang kiss already. Sometimes attack is the best form of defense. So before Zuko could say anything else, I ranted about extenuating circumstances and woman's duties and it was either Han or Aang and men didn't like women who argue and I was just being realistic and Zuko didn't get to judge me. Zuko said he wasn't judging me...it was just...it was_ Aang. _The little flames seemed to grow a lot brighter for a second.

The shame had been twisting itself into big long complicated ropes in my belly. I couldn't explain myself further suddenly. I just said, very stroppily, that he didn't need to make me feel worse . I knew I had made a stupid, terrible, stupid mistake. I knew it was stupid the instant I kissed him and I knew it was horribly and dreadfully wrong when I stuck the tongue in …..

As soon as I _stuck the tongue in, _it was like all the fires in the vicinity reacted abruptly... and , all the romantic candles sort of...exploded…. a little. Well they burst into a big gust of flame and burned themselves out pretty quickly. Several of the hanging lanterns above us also caught fire.

And there was **much ado.**

A few unsuspecting tea drinking clients shrieked. Zuko swore, very quickly tried to put out the fires, and then swore again. The manager of the teahouse came out and gave him a bollocking (_Firebenders dduurrr – always wrecking shit! those lanterns aren't cheap you know_ etc). Zuko ended up giving him a bunch of money to cover the damages (and potentially to shut him up).

To top it off, we'd just ruined the dates of...like _everyone _who was sitting in that particular teashop Nothing says _romance _like the candle on your table exploding in your date's face. A few people were giving us **the stink eye.** Zuko and I glanced at each other and we seemed to communicate without needing to say anything. The time had come for us to skedaddle.

-o-

Zuko was very grumpy. I think he was grumpy because of the whole accidental bending thing. I mean accidental bending is a bit embarrassing isn't it – at our age. A master isn't supposed to have accidental bends just because they feel cranky. I remember how embarrassed I felt when I made the jug explode back on ember island. So I didn't harp on about it.

But I also took a strange perverse pleasure in the fact that he had done it. He was jealous. Very jealous. And I know this probably makes me petty – but his jealousy made me a bit happy. I mean I have been so jealous of him and Friggin Gloomy Hairbuns for ages – and I guess it was nice to get a little of my own back. I mean I had never kissed Aang with the aim of making Zuko jealous – so this was a much appreciated, if unexpected, side-effect of my stupid, terrible decision.

We have had one of those big arguments where you just hash it all out in the park near the train station. It was raw and honest. At first, he was very grumpy at me and did the whole incredulous _I still can't believe you actually kissed Aang _thing etc. I went on a small self-justifying rant about how everyone makes mistakes and there was Pakku and Yugoda and I was just being realistic. There were extenuating circumstances. But there always are – aren't there. Whenever someone does something **incredibly stupid,** they always point to extenuating circumstances and context.

Zuko went on an ill-advised bout of self-righteousness about how unfair I was being to Aang and how he was a sweet kid._ If you don't love him – you have to tell him! Not stick your tongue down his throat! _That is a fair enough point and one that I had already accepted. I know I have to tell Aang. I know that. I know that. I'm not an idiot. I can admit my mistake freely and out loud.

But then Zuko went on this big old rant about how he didn't want me to be leading Aang on and giving him false hope. There was a jealous twinge to his whole rant. I mean he was ranting about Aang – but sometimes I could really tell that he was talking about himself, through thinly-veiled Aang analogy. Also the inherent hypocrisy in Zuko having a go at me about _not leading someone on_ was just too much. We got into real_ hello pot – I am kettle _territory.

I pointed out that all that was a bit rich coming from Zuko. He'd been leading Gloomy Hairbuns on for ages! At least I had the gumption to admit that I had made a mistake. I was going to tell Aang to his face, as soon as I could, that nothing could happen between us and I didn't feel the same way. Zuko couldn't do that same common courtesy to Gloomy, even though it was obvious to everyone... like really, everyone... that they were** absolutely miserable **together and he didn't love her. He just kept stringing her along.

I ended up shouting _how do you think it makes me feel! Having to watch you in a relationship with a girl you don't love!_ I just got caught up in the moment. I hadn't meant to say it – but it just came blurting out. It felt like too much of a confession – like I had shown way too much of my hand. I feel like I've been keeping my frustrations regarding Gloomy close to the chest – but I just let it all hang out here.

Zuko retaliated with a shout of _well how do you think it makes me feel – hearing about you snogging Aang because you're trying to be "realistic". You don't love him either!_ He also seemed a bit surprised that he had said it too – so I think that was also an accidental blurt.

There was one of those clanging sort of pauses.

It had a presence of its own.

The pause got longer and longer. It got slightly awkward. We'd both kind of laid our cards on the table and admitted that we didn't like the idea of each other with other people.

Accidentally.

Because we are dorks.

Only dorks do that sort of thing accidentally.

I didn't know where the conversation was meant to go from here. Not really. We were in completely uncharted waters. I was a bit adrift. The only thing I knew for sure was that I didn't want to be fighting with him.

I told him I didn't want to fight with him over this. I said softly that if he knew how relentlessly horrible my week had been before he got here – _he would give me a break._ Against my will, I felt that familiar feel of sour pliers squeezing a lemon and the back of my throat.

It was all true really. I'd had such a terrible time – but I had been afraid to say it out loud until now. But truly, things had been wretched without him. Without him around, I had felt my world narrowing rapidly until this afternoon, when it felt like it was _a box about this big_, a tiny box that would slowly squash me.

My voice hitched on that last sentence. It was one of the tell-tale signs of the prelude to tears. I was about to cry – but I was trying to hold it back as best I could. But Zuko could tell anyway. He hugged me quickly and said he was sorry and he didn't want to fight with me either. It was so nice to be held by him. There is something immensely comforting in just feeling his big, sturdy arms around me.

I got a hold of myself pretty quickly. I tried to make excuses for the waterworks. I felt like I had to explain the crying – even though spirits knows I've cried in front of Zuko plenty of times previously. Things were just different in Ba Sing Se. The rigidly of everything here, all the walls and rules, leeched into my spirit until I felt weird about things that used to come so naturally.

I went with that. I blamed the city. I had a much better idea of why Toph had hated this place so much last time we were here. A city of walls and rules. A city where all I was constantly told was that I couldn't do things. I wasn't even allowed in the peace meetings of the war I was instrumental in winning, for goodness sake. All the restrictions were getting to me. Zuko agreed and said I wasn't the only one who hated this place. The upper ring got to him too. If he heard the word _decorum _one more time...

Suddenly his eyes lit up like they do when he has an idea. He said that he had an idea to cheer me up. The rest of the city wasn't like the upper ring at all. Down in the refugee districts – _anything goes. _We could go down, escape the upper ring for a bit, and be back before anyone missed us.

I remembered going through one of the districts in the lower ring with our first Joo Dee. It had looked _really rough_, as I recalled. I asked Zuko if it was safe. He cocked his good eyebrow (in that cocky way of his that I find so sexy), and pointed out that we were two master benders, so we'd be alright. Besides, he'd lived in the 27th district for a while and knew where we could get the best dumplings in Ba Sing Se (self proclaimed by the baker).

I pretended it was the dumplings which swayed me – but really it was just the chance to spend more time with him.

-o-

Zuko has some sort of diplomatic pass that allowed him unimpeded transit between the upper ring and the 27th district. He knew he'd have to go down there to talk to some therapist called Dr Wang for Azula. He'd had to ask the Dowager especially for it. She had not been keen on any of her _esteemed international guests_ leaving the upper ring. She'd heard stories, of course, of the squalor and vice of the lower ring.

Zuko had ill-advisedly offered that he used to live in the 27th district. He had thought this would be a nice way of assuaging any concerns the Dowager had about him being surprised by the squalor. Instead, it seemed to reinforce her worst opinion of him (ie that he would fit in well in a district full of squalor and vice). She had archly remarked that she was sure that his presence would have _lifted the tone of the neighbourhood_ in that weird tone she has. The one where you can't tell if she is being sarcastic or not. Based on the context, I would say that sarcasm was present.

-o-

Because of the pass – we could just catch the trains down and got waved through every check-point.

Things were easier between us now. Now that we'd aired some of our grievances and I'd had a small cry – conversation flowed as easily as it ever did. I ended up telling him _everything._ We talked the whole way through the train ride and over noodles. It was one of those really deep, honest and frank talks that come along so rarely. Maybe Sokka had a point. Maybe just an honest conversation was all that we really needed this whole time.

I told him about my work with the Joo Dees and how much what had been done to them upset me. How disturbing it was to see someone _just completely blank_. He told me about his first encounter with the Joo Dees. This Joo Dee had not even recognized her own daughter. It had been creepy and just plain old awful. Zuko had just felt really uncomfortable around them ever since. He thought I was really brave for doing what I was doing.

He told me that all the thinly veiled comments about how bad and evil the firenation was were starting to piss him off, especially considering all the things that the Earth Kingdom did to its own citizens. People in power could do such terrible things to their own people. There was his Dad and the his imperial firebenders in the Caldera and Long Feng and the Dai Li here and both of them were just as bad and cruel and unfair as each other. Zuko said he just wished there was a place where shit like that (brainwashing and secret deaths in secret underground places) didn't happen.

I went on a small talk about the water tribes and how, for all our faults, we had no equivalent of the Dai Li or the the imperial firebenders. In the water tribes, we really took care of each other. We have a strong sense of community that binds us together. That sense of community means that every single person is important. Everyone is cared for. Everyone contributes. Everyone has a role to play. I mean that sense of community had lead to some... _rigidity_ on the roles front. But it wasn't, in and of itself, a bad thing. At least everyone was safe.

I told him about my conversation with Pakku, who thought that I only had three options for my future; Han, Aang or spinsterhood. Goodness I hate the word _spinster._ It's just an ugly word. _Bachelor _is such a nice word in comparison. Zuko was most derisive of this. He actually made a disbelieving little snort and said that _I'd never have to worry about that. I was gorgeous. Any guy would be stark raving bonkers not to want me. _

I think that was another accidental blurt – because he blushed terribly afterwards and went all awkward (well awkward-er than usual). But it made my heart jump and the fish in my belly twirl to hear him say that I was gorgeous.

But he'd kind of missed the point. Pakku and Yugoda weren't saying that I was _as ugly as a hat-full of jelly blubbers _and so no one would want me. No, there were all these cultural and political reasons instead. The Water tribes never mix and that is the way of it. Zuko protested that I still had _options._ I explained.

There's the strong, but unspoken idea that intermarrying with other races will 'taint' our Water Tribe community and weaken our general water tribe awesomeness. Inter-marrying is just not done. Pakku even used the phrase _tainted half-breeds _to describe the mixed race people in the colonies. He wasn't saying it to be mean or unkind. Practically everyone in the Water Tribes called them that. I didn't want to say it out loud and hurt Zuko's feelings – but it was always the firenation half that was seen as the_ tainted _half. But I think he kind of understood that, without me needing to say it.

I told him that I'm having a hard enough time as it is, trying to get my tribe to be more equal in their treatment of women and more accepting of women's rights. It was starting to exhaust me actually. I didn't know if I had another big fight left in me. And trying to get the tribes to be more accepting of mixing with other races would be a struggle.

I was the only daughter of the chief, and so there was a political dimension to whoever I married. That's why Pakku had thought Han would be my best bet, as he was future chief of the North. Yugoda thought that Han was an arseface who was dumber than a jelly-blubber and meaner than an orcashark. Zuko agreed with Yugoda's assessment and he has only talked to Han for five minutes (which was five minutes too many in Zuko's opinion).

Yugoda thought that Aang would be a better option, because he was a sweet soul and because she believed in spirits and destiny and that sort of stuff. She thought that it was my pre-destined fate to be with Aang. So that was part of why I had resigned myself to just getting on with the business of destiny this afternoon.

We had a small disagreement about fate and destiny over noodles.

I believe in it. Zuko doesn't any more.

I believe in it because telling myself that _things happen for a reason_ and _somethings are just fate _helps me. It softens the blow when really bad things happen. I have to think that there is some reason behind everything that has happened.

Zuko thinks it's bullocks. There is _no way_ that things happen for a reason. Unless that reason is: **because the spirits are unkind, malicious, jerkface dickheads. **For Zuko, _no reason_ could make him feel better about the terrible things that have happened (to him personally and to the world as a whole). No _reason _could possibly justify 100 years of war and suffering and injustice.

I said that perhaps he was right – but I needed to think there was_ a reason _anyway. I'm working in the medical field now – Everyday I see people in truly horrible pain. I've seen kids in absolute agony. If I didn't think there was some reason and rightness in the universe, some sort of end result that would make their suffering worth it, some larger plan at work - then I don't know if I could pull myself out of bed in the morning.

Besides – there were so many freaky coincidences and so many random happenstances that had happened this last year, surely Zuko couldn't completely dismiss the idea that some things are meant to be. Didn't he ever think it was strange that he had been sailing in that very particular bit of ocean so close to my village when I found Aang – just as a random example.

We had all been so close (proximity-wise) to Aang's re-emergence into the world. Zuko could have been anywhere, in any of the eight seas, at that exact moment. But of all the places in the entire world – he was right there. Maybe we were fated to meet. Zuko smiled slightly and conceded that maybe we were.

He agreed that maybe there was such a thing as fate – but it certainly wasn't the _be all_ and _end all. _He was firenation after all, so he couldn't believe that anything just got handed to anyone on a silver-fate-plate. Nothing was ever gained without a shitload of hardwork.

He explained that in some ways, he was sure that he was meant to be a master swordsman first – and maybe that had been fate. He felt like his swords were so much a part of him. He always felt a little naked without them.

Naked Zuko mmmmmmhhhh….eerr anyway.

He told me about how he had run away from boarding school during the holidays to learn from Piandao. Many things had perfectly coincided to make it easy for Zuko to slip away unnoticed and unmissed – and he was _really lucky_ on the trip to Piandao's. So perhaps fate was pushing him along there too.

But that didn't mean that Piandao just rolled out the welcome mat when Zuko arrived. Zuko had had to work his arse off to prove himself. He looked me right in the eye and said that _maybe there is such a thing as fate – but I think it will only take you __**so**__ far...Once you're there, it is up to __**you**__ to make it happen. _The way he said that kind of sent shivers (the really good kind) down my spine. It was pretty sexy.

He said that in his opinion, I didn't have to resign myself to Aang, or Han or spinsterhood – or any of that, just based on fate. I still had a choice in things. I conceded that he had a very good point.

Fate aside, however, the cultural and political practices of my somewhat belligerent tribe would still be **an issue**. That wasn't going away. And I had been very reliably informed by Pakku that I wouldn't have many options because_ men don't like women who argue._ By which he meant women like me.

Zuko gave another undignified snort at this. He said that there was **no way** that could be true. _He had never, in his whole life, met a woman who didn't argue_. Everyone argued according to Zuko. If you said shit like 'men don't like arguing women' in the firenation, you would get a bitchslap ...and an argument. How did Pakku ever get married- if that was his stance. If the water tribes guys didn't like ladies who argued, then how did they like…. even make it past that first big relationship argument.

This was clearly one of those cultural differences.

In the firenation, where _everyone is feisty_ and _everyone argues with everyone_ and _people practically fall over themselves in order to get in the last word, _the phrase 'men don't like women who argue' is not true. However, it was certainly true in the water tribes, where women were meant to be meek and mild and stay in the kitchen. Also the whole dating thing wasn't an issue in the Water tribes, what with **arranged marriages **and all.

Zuko still thought it was a load of bullocks. He said that the right guy was going _to looooooove_ arguing with me. He seemed to realise what he had said after a beat, because he quickly added (in an endearingly dorky fashion) _…no I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it like... he's going to __**pick fights with you all the time**__ or anything...But the right person should listen to you even when you have a difference of opinion. _I agreed. Zuko seemed to be a bit on a roll, because he saw fit to elaborate, a bit unnecessarily. Apparently, the right person wouldn't belittle me and treat me like I'm stupid. They wouldn't interrupt me all the time just to tell me that I was boring and they didn't agree with me.

I got the distinct impression we weren't talking about me anymore.

Zuko seemed to think that he had said too much and clammed up. He apologized for rambling and seemed a bit embarrassed. He said _just forget I said all that – I know I'm probably boring you. _I protested that he wasn't boring me and he never bored me. I asked where he ever got the idea that he was boring – but I kind of already knew the answer.

I was trying to lead the conversation...subtly.

I mean, I didn't really want to talk about Gloomy Hairbuns, but I really kind of did as well. Zuko never talks about how he feels about Gloomy, or the state of their dreadful relationship now – not to anyone. Plenty of other people tell him how _they think he should _feel about the state of their dreadful relationship. But Zuko has been very reticent on this subject recently.

He tried to escape the conversation and dismiss it, even now. He shrugged his shoulders, and made a gesture to indicate that I already knew the answer, then said that we didn't have to talk about it. I poked and prodded and told him to spill the beans. I had completely unburdened myself and told him _everything. _It was only fair.

Zuko said he'd prefer not to. He knew I didn't want to hear about it. I had been very upfront about that (back when they first got together after the coronation and I'd been pissed off and told him I never wanted to hear about it). I demurred that I really would like to know. Zuko said that nobody really wanted to hear him talk about this.

Even if they said they did, it was only so that they could make faces and get all judgmental. I promised that I would make no faces and would not even get in the least bit judgmental...if he wanted to talk about it, that is.

Zuko shrugged and said he didn't even know how to talk about it. He didn't... he wasn't in the habit of talking about relationships. I said he could start by telling me how they got together. If he wanted to. I actually did not know this and was very curious anyway. And I also think the beginning of something is always the best place to start.

There was a long pause. Zuko shifted the remaining dumplings in his bowl around. Then he seemed to decide that he would tell me. He said that they had gotten together here in Ba Sing Se, after...the shenanigan in the crystal catacomb. He'd been in such a bad head-space then. He confessed _I felt like someone who was so incredibly and completely __**miserable **__that I shouldn't be around normal people. Like I'd contaminate the normal people with depression. _He told me that Gloomy had been super-miserable too. Misery does love company and they could be miserable together. She hated the world so much more than he did, and that made him feel like it was okay to hate the world. It was okay to give up fighting and just resign himself to all the injustices and the status-quo. Mai was so apathetic. She thought that there was no point to anything. Certainly no point in fighting for anything. Zuko had been so over fighting for everything. Experimenting with being apathetic was almost like a holiday from himself.

Zuko said that I was right about them being miserable together, but what I didn't know what they they were always miserable together. Communal misery was what they had. He thought that most of their problems were because he wasn't miserable anymore. _At first I kind of loved how much she hated the world...and... just... how can the thing you initially like about someone end up being the very thing that just __**drives you crazy. **_

He said that all that aside, Mai was actually really nice (pfft). He'd hated how much she and Toph had fought. He hated being stuck in the middle between – but he didn't know how to make them get along. Toph and Gloomy actually had a shit load in common, and if they could just stop fighting each other, Zuko thought they might get along.

Zuko knew he and gloomy weren't good for each other, though he seems to think that he is much worse for Gloomy and Gloomy can do much better. (pffft). But he felt so bad about breaking up with her. He really didn't want to hurt her again. Not after everything. She seemed to need him so much. (Zuko always likes feeling needed – so I could get how that would be _a thing _for him.)

Ty Lee was always telling him how Gloomy only seemed happy with him (wow – if the times I've seen Gloomy with Zuko is her in **happy-mode,** she must be just like **a sucking black hole of no-fun** in regular-mode). Zuko didn't want to leave her all alone in her misery. That's why he always backed down, whenever he tried to end it and she said she didn't want to break up.

Okay, I'll admit, I was ridiculously happy that they aren't staying together just for the sex. I mean when Toph said it, I did think about it as a possibility (though spirits I tried not to, because _eeewww_). But I was really ridiculously relieved that he wasn't staying with her for such a stupid, shallow reason. No, it was a stupid, noble reason that made sense in weird-twisted Zuko logic.

-o-

The bill came abruptly, which sort of marked an end to the dumpling interlude. We had come down here only for the dumplings (in theory) and we did have to get back to our regularly scheduled lives. But I think neither of us quite wanted to evening to be over. So we walked back to the station the long way. Zuko gave me a small tour of the 27th, through a veritable maze of narrow alleys, past his old apartment building (a big overcrowded looking tenement in the dodgy part of the 27th), past the refugee center, past the market and the teashop he used to work in, and past the firelight fountain – which had been his favourite place.

It was beautiful actually. A nice little fountain that had heaps of little lanterns around it and lots of little lanterns floating on the surface. The water bubbled nicely and all the candles were flickering slightly. I couldn't help but notice that it was our two elements together.

Zuko kind of ruined the moment at that point. He swore and lurched back and grabbed his head for a second. I got a bit worried and asked quickly what was wrong. He said it felt like he'd just been hit in the head with a small rock. It really felt like someone had thrown a rock at him. I was a bit incredulous. Who just randomly throws a rock at someone? Really now? My unspoken question was answered the very next instant.

I heard a voice say _surprise motherfucker! _quite gleefully from above us. It was a voice I had never expected to hear again.

It was Jet!

He was alive!

-o-

Zuko immediately looked all kinds of pissed off – understandable given that Jet had just thrown a rock at his head. It sounded like Jet's voice was coming from somewhere above us, but I couldn't see him. Jet asked _where the hell did you find this hussy?_ As he jumped down and landed behind me.

At first I had been so happy to hear Jet, because it meant that he was alive and that he had survived and I hadn't failed him. There were all sorts of other feelings tangled up in there, because he is the first boy I seriously crushed on (in a major way) and the first boy I kissed and the first boy who's...errr, nevermind.

Anyway all those happy feelings evaporated pretty quickly as soon as I realised that **I **was the hussy he was referring to (Zuko shouted _don't call her a hussy_ pretty quickly). I whipped around to face Jet and have a bit of a shout, because I did not appreciate being called a hussy. I also did not appreciate the interruption.

But I seemed to give Jet as much of a surprise as he had given me. He yelped in surprise and took a big step back and said _bossy, sexy Katara? i_ncredulously – like he literally could not believe I was standing in front of him. He also said Bossy Sexy Katara like it was my full name, which was a bit weird. He quickly recovered and gave me a flirty wink and a charming smile and looked me up and down before saying _how you been doing - you sexy minx?_

Zuko reacted quickly next to me. He charged forward and tackled Jet. They just started kind of _wrestling_ with each other. It was a bit entrancing, I'm not going to lie. At first I didn't try and break them up. I think I must have been in shock for the first few... minutes.

Two very sexy boys, mmmmmm.

It was the surprise of seeing Jet alive again, that's all.

They were arguing while they fought each other. Zuko was shouting that Jet was a crazy git. Jet claimed that he hadn't even wanted to fight Zuko tonight. He had just wanted to say hi. Zuko didn't believe that. Jet had thrown a rock at his head after all. Jet protested that was his way of saying _Hi._ Zuko replied that kicking Jet's arse would be his way of saying _fuck off Jet. _

Okay um... I've had a dream or two that started like this. Well they start with Zuko and Jet fighting. But in my dreams they are always fighting over me. They are often shirtless or wet. Sometimes they are shirtless AND wet.

Those are good dreams.

This was different because 1- it was real. 2- They were not fighting over me. I did not even seem to be a factor in this fight really. 3 - neither of them were shirtless or wet.

But that still did not stop me from saying _this is just like I dreamed it . _Out loud. (Why oh why?!)

I wanted them to stop fighting, but I didn't want to accidentally hurt either of them. So I bent some water from the fountain and made it icy and then dumped it all over them. I figured this would give them a short and sharp shock and they would stop fighting. Anyway – I did that and made them all wet.

They broke away from each other for a second. Then they were two wet, sexy boys, glowering angrily at each other. I foolishly said _this is just like I dreamed it _out loud. Zuko paused and gave me a very perplexed look. (He'd evidently heard me – boo!)

Then a whole lot of things happened really, really quickly. Almost too quick for me to keep up. Jet took advantage of Zuko's distraction and tackled him to the ground. Then Longshot and Smellerbee burst into the square. Smellerbee said _oh not fucking __**this**__ again!_ With real anger and frustration, before she and Longshot tackled Jet. Smellerbee shouted that they had to stop fighting because the guards were coming. And then the four of them were this big old tangled pile of limbs.

She was a bit late in her warning – because right at that second two guards also came into the square. There was one who had a pointed face that was reminiscent of a ferret and a really large one who looked a little dopey, on account of the fact that he was slightly crossed-eyed. They took one look at the situation and then set about extricating Jet and Zuko from the melee. The one with the pointy face sighed and said _not again. _

What was with all the not agains?

How many times had this happened before?

I was officially lost in this whole situation.

-o-

The dopey-looking one got Zuko in a restraining hold and the pointy-faced one had Jet. They pulled them apart while pointy-face shouted _fucking hell – you've been out of prison two days. Just two days! _at Jet.

Smellerbee apologised to the one with the pointy face (she called him officer Lo) and said she tried to stop him (meaning Jet). Officer Lo was actually captain Lo now (he told Smellerbee to call him captain). He assured her that she and Longshot weren't in trouble. The implication was that Zuko and Jet were.

At this point I shouted, most stroppily, and demanded some sort of explanation for these shenanigans. Everyone turned a faced me.

_Err...she's with me _Zuko offered quickly. The big dopey one (the one who was holding Zuko) looked me up and down and said _niiice_ in that way that voiced approval for my person. He then asked Zuko (a bit excitedly)_ is she you're new girlfriend? _Zuko denied that I was his girlfriend. Dopey-face smiled knowingly and said _that's what you said about the last one too _in a vaguely teasing fashion. Captain cleared his throat and gave the big dopey one a hard look and said _Officer Cam!_ in a scolding fashion.

The Captain turned to me and explained _your boyfriend and Jet have both being caught repeatedly brawling in the streets. They were both warned to never do it again. That was a final warning boys_ (that sentence was directed at Jet and Zuko)._ As a consequence, they'll both have to come down to guard station now. They'll go into lock up until they pay the fine or do their time._ Zuko and Jet both erupted in protests at this. Captain Lo said he wasn't hearing any excuses from them. And they couldn't get out of it by pretending to be Oma and Shu this time.

**Oma and Shu? **

What the hell?

There was more protesting from Zuko and Jet. Neither of them wanted to be locked in the guard station cells with each other. Captain Lo shouted for them to shut up. He said that neither of them could act surprised that it had come to this. He had made them completely aware of the consequences during the great sausage fiasco.

**The great sausage fiasco?**

Captain Lo continued and said that he had gotten a really hard time from the Dai Li because of their shenanigans and he wasn't in the mood to hear any of their _ridiculous excuses _tonight. He had one hand on Jet's wrists (which were cuffed in those earth cuffs they like to use here). With the other hand, he pinched the bridge of his nose with great exasperation. He said that they were worse that his kids. Was keeping out of each other's way really that hard? It was quite simple from Capitan Lo's point of view. Jet just had to **stop ruining Lee's dates**. Lee had to **stop antagonising Jet**.

(Everyone else here was calling Zuko 'Lee' – so I figured that must have been the fake name that he used when he was living down here.)

Zuko protested that he hadn't antagonised Jet. Jet had just thrown a rock at his head. Jet said _oh for the last time, that's just my way of saying hi._ The one called Cam gave Jet a hard look and said, in a resigned tone of voice _you've got problems Jet. _

Captain Lo then addressed Smellerbee, Longshot and myself and said _the fine is still 28 crowns. Any of you have that now? _None of us had 28 crowns on us. Captain Lo looked at Zuko and asked if he wanted Lo to send someone for his Uncle. Zuko declined and I said that I'd be able to get Iroh instead. Captain Lo nodded and said that I could come with Iroh and pay the fine at the station when I got it. I asked how that worked and Captain Lo just gestured at Smellerbee and said she knew the drill.

I realised I was about to be left alone in the dodgy part of the 27th district. I didn't even know my way back to the train station on my own from here. Zuko looked at me and told me not to worry (I think I must have been making a worried face.) He said his Uncle would have the cash. Could I go get his Uncle?

I got really anxious and confused then. I didn't know why he wasn't fighting back. He' be able to beat Lo and Cam on his own, easily, even without me here. Or he could have told them he was really the firelord (I'm sure they would have let him go then). Instead, he just seemed resigned to letting them arrest him.

Zuko asked Cam if he could have a minute to...he nodded in my direction. Cam got what he was asking instantly. He said of course 'Lee' could have a minute to say goodbye to his girlfriend. There was an awkward pause, because Cam didn't actually let Zuko go.

Zuko asked Cam if he could take the earth manacles off for a second – so we could talk in private. Cam said _Sorry Sugar-roo, you've been arrested...letting you go would kind of defeat the purpose of arresting you in the first place. _Zuko looked really pissed off, possibly because Cam was being really unhelpful or possibly because he'd just been called Sugar-roo.

They reached a compromise. Cam held Zuko's manacles at arms length. Zuko, with his arms cuffed behind his back, stood as far away from Cam as humanly possible. They were two arms-length apart. This was as close to privacy as we got. We ended up having to stand really close so that we could talk quietly enough, without being overheard.

We got practically cheek to cheek in order to whisper to each other. We kept our voices as low and soft as possible – and I have to say that it was exceptionally sexy and distracting. I could hardly concentrate on what he was saying – because we were cheek to cheek and he was talking to me in this soft whisper. The whole thing was as **sensual as all hell**.

I asked if he had the cash for this fine – but Zuko said he'd spent all the cash he'd had on him paying for the damages in that first tea shop and getting the dumplings. He was skint right now. I then asked what I really wanted to know - why he didn't just tell Captain Lo he was the firelord – they'd surely let him go then.

Zuko whispered back in a hush tone, that he didn't want anyone here to know that he was a firebender, let alone the firelord. It was **a really long story **and he would tell me later, but I had to keep his real identity a secret and just call him Lee for the time being. As soon as this was over, we never had to see any of these people again, so it was just a _little white lie _to make life a _whole lot simpler_.

Also, if word got out that he'd been arrested in the lower ring for brawling, then he was sure there would be some sort of **scandal. **A big scandal was the very last thing he needed right now. It would make life more difficult than it already was for him in the Earth Kingdom Palace.

We just had to deal with this quietly.

I offered that I could _quietly _freeze everyone to a wall and we could make a run for it. The fountain was right there. It wouldn't even hurt any of them. It would just make them cold. Zuko thought for a second and decided against it. He whispered that the 27th was always crawling with guards at this time of night. They would be out in force. If we got caught after doing something like that, then we'd **both** be arrested. Also he really didn't want to hurt Lo or Cam. They were only doing their jobs. And they'd been good to him, and let him off with a warning a couple of times before.

A couple of times before?

Just how**many times **had shit like this had happened?

I agreed to go get Iroh. Zuko told me to get the travel pass out of his back pocket as it would give me free and unrestricted transport back up to the upper ring. I would have enjoyed the hand-in-the-arse-pocket moment more, but as soon as I put my hand in, Jet started making this **really unusual noise.** It sounded like he was gasping and vomiting at the same time. He was ga-vomiting. That was **off**-**putting**... to say the least.

I got the pass and then confessed that I didn't know how to get back to the train station from here. The streets are so narrow and twisty and turny in the 27th and I had lost track of the way we'd come.

That was the end out our sexy-whispered conversation. Zuko looked over my shoulder at Smellerbee and said _Oi, Smellerbee – Do you think you and Longshot could take Katara back to the station?_ Smellerbee smiled at me and said she'd love to help but...she trailed off and seemed a exceptionally sheepish here. Zuko got an irritated look on his face and asked _but what?_ Smellerbee decided to cut to the chase and asked if Zuko thought his Uncle would also be able to spot the bail money for Jet too. She and Longshot only had three crowns between them.

Zuko made an exasperated noise and rolled his eyes. Smellerbee said_ c'mon mate, do us a __**solid one**__ – you know how it is for us! and I know you and your Uncle are good for it... _Zuko tried to look like he was unconvinced, but I could tell he felt bad for her. He was pouting a little too hard for it be believable. Smellerbee also seemed to sense that he was wavering, she said_ this is the last time I'll ask you for Jet's bail, okay. Me and Longshot will promise to watch him, so we don't get any repeats of the...errr...great sausage fiasco. Sound like a deal? _Zuko said it was a deal and told me to ask Iroh for enough to cover both bails.

Jet got a bit prideful and said that Lee shouldn't do him any fucking favours. Smellerbee muttered _fucking shut up Jet_ loudly. Zuko snapped that he wasn't doing it for Jet, he was doing it for Smellerbee and Longshot. Jet tried to imitate Zuko then and repeated what he said in a mocking voice. Zuko rolled his eyes heavenward as if he was beseeching the spirits for patience.

Captain Lo told them that now that Lee was sorted, it was guard station time! He doffed his hat at me and Smellerbee and Longshot and said he was sure he would see us all soon. I really didn't want to leave Zuko here– but there didn't seem to be any other choice.

The four of them started to head down the street. I overheard Jet say with some disgust, _I can't believe you two. It's fucking revolting, it is. Have you already shagged her in an alley then? Shag shag shag – that's all it is with you!_ Three voices said _shut up Jet_ in unison.

Cam then said in an rather dazed sort of voice,_ she is lovely looking though – Sugar-roo's new girlfriend. They look nice together. _Jet shouted at Cam to shut up. Captain Lo then said to Zuko in a vaguely warning tone, _I don't know...she's maybe a little __**too pretty**__ for you Lee... you know what I'm saying...You're punching __**way above your weight**__ there. _Zuko told Captain Lo to shut up. Cam spoke up in his defence and said_ nah... did you see how sweet Sugar-roo and her were – all whispering sweet nothings at each other. _

Zuko and Jet protested at the Sugar-roon nickname. Jet said _will you stop calling him Sugar-roo _at the exact same that Zuko said _stop calling me Sugar-roo!_ Cam seemed nonplussed by their protests and shrugged slightly and said to Zuko _but you are a delicious Sugar-roo...and I know Jet thinks so too. _And that was the last I could hear. It looked like Jet started protesting at this point though, because he jumped up and down very crossly.

I stood there, looking down the street at their retreating figures, thinking to myself _what the fuck just happened?_

-o-

Smellerbee and Longshot led me back to the train station – at first I thought it was a bit unnecessary when Zuko had asked them, because I'm not hopeless. I could find a train station. However, the 27th was so labyrinthine. The walk back had so many twists and turns down these narrow alleys, that I ended up being quite glad to have the two of them with me.

Smellerbee and Longshot tried to make small talk and asked me a few questions about everyone. I told them that everyone was fine, yes nice to see you again too, sorry the circumstances aren't better. Etc. I think all three of us were feeling a bit awkward about this whole situation.

She asked me if everyone had gotten out of Lake Laogai okay. I told her yes. She and Longshot seemed gratified by that. I asked how they had managed to survive.. I had thought...I'd always felt so guilty... Smellerbee cut me off and said that there'd been a small battle, and they'd all been injured and then captured. They'd been taken to one of the Dai Li prisons that had a nice medical facility. Smellerbee wasn't sure where it was. But it had been okay. They'd patched up Jet at least. That was something.

The way she said that, I could tell that she really loved Jet in that sort of fond exasperated way that families do. She and Longshot and Jet were a family, the same way that Zuko, Sokka, Suki, Toph, Aang and I are a family.

I tried to apologise...for not being able to fix him at the time, for leaving... but Smellerbee cut me off again and said that I had done my best. That was all anyone could do. Smellerbee apologised for being so mercurial before, and asking 'Lee' for money before they agreed to escort me. She explained that they really needed the money to bail Jet. I said I understood. I mean they obviously haven't been living extravagantly wealthy lives after all.

I took the opportunity to ask something that had been bothering me all night. What on earth was **the great sausage fiasco? **All Zuko had said was that he had Jet had a massive fight one night, when Jet tried to attack his Uncle. Their fight resulted in Jet getting arrested by the Dai Li. But sausages were not involved in that story. I mean, I knew they met and I knew that they didn't get along – but the shenanigans tonight hinted at this whole other level of animosity.

Smellerbee explained that it was just one of the many times that Jet and Lee had fought. It was so called **thegreat sausage fiasco** because it was their only street fight that involved sausages, which they had used to try beat each other over the head with. Smellerbee then paused to clarify, unnecessarily, that she meant actual meat product sausages... not you know,**their willies,** just in case I thought she was talking about _the other sausages. _

Goodness, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind until she said that.

After she said that, however, the thought not only crossed my mind, it took a pause right in the middle of my mind and started doing the heel-toe polka.

That's how distracting the thought was.

I was definitely missing a few key events in this story. How did they end up whacking each other with meat products in the street?

Smellerbee said that 'Lee' had been doing the grocery run for the teashop, and he'd had to get all these sausages. Jet had followed him on account of his massive, ridiculous and incredibly weird crush on 'Lee'. Smellerbee was of the opinion that Jet only followed Zuko everywhere so that he could perve on his **hot arse.** She said _Jet hated to see Lee go, but he loved to watch him leave_...if I knew what Smellerbee meant. 'Lee' had not appreciated the arse-perving. A fight had ensued. Then Jet had tried to kiss 'Lee' and 'Lee' had kneed him in the balls and another fight had ensued. This fight utilised the fallen sausages...and was a bit of a fiasco. They had been arrested – but got out of it by pretending they were in a play of Oma and Shu (WTF?!). That was the great sausage fiasco in a nutshell.

What?

What the hell?

What the fuck?

Just..what?

Smellerbee agreed with my confusion. She said _I mean Jet could get __**anyone, **__but he just fixated on Lee...and Lee could not have made it any clearer that he wasn't interested. And instead of you know, taking the rejection in stride, Jet got all "How dare you reject me – that's so mean! You must be a firebender, because only firebenders are mean like that." and I was like...Lee's not even a firebender Jet! what are you even basing this on? Then Jet got all determined to prove me wrong and took the stalking up a notch. _

Stalking?!

What?!

Apparently, according to Smellerbee, Jet had pretended that he was 'researching' Zuko and had taken to stalking him everywhere and writing about him constantly in this little book. Smellerbee and Longshot had been most baffled by this behaviour.

Oh my spirits!

Life is so ….so friggin weird.

Of all the things that Jet and I have in common – I never in a million years expected stalking Zuko to be one of them.

-o-

So I caught the train back to the upper wing and my mind was a big old whir of confusion.

Okay a few things I am feeling right now.

**Relief:** Jet is alive. Absolutely everything else aside, I am relieved about this. Jet still has that same cocky smile and that same confident swagger and I am glad these things remain unchanged by the war.

**Vague attraction: **I'm not going to lie – I still find Jet pretty foxy. However, I always think this when I see Jet. The problem with Jet is that he **knows **he's a really good looking guy, and is an arrogant prick accordingly. His foxyness does not compensate for his general prickishness in other departments.

**Irritation**: Jet still arouses the same feelings in me - of immense irritation combined with incredible pity. However right now, I am leaning more towards the irritation side of the spectrum...because of the whole stalking Zuko thing.

**Confusion: **What the fucking bloody hell? What? Jet stalked Zuko! What? Liked stalked him hardcore, and for pervy reasons. Jet tried to kiss Zuko!? What? Should I be jealous? Should I not be jealous? Does Jet fancy Zuko more than he fancies me? He seemed completely focused on Zuko, really. Should I feel weird about this?

I don't know, Jet had said we had_ a real connection_ – but evidently, his desire to annoy Zuko is stronger than _our connection _because he spent most of his time taking pot-shots at Zuko and he wasn't really that interested in me.

Zuko never said anything about Jet having a crush on him, so this has really blind-sided me. I am just so confused about all of this. Confusion is my dominant emotion right now.

**Judgement:** Of course it would be hypocritical of me to judge Jet for stalking Zuko and finding him attractive...but what the hell. Fuck it, I am a hypocrite! And I am judging Jet right now. Jet was a creeper stalker. I was a very nice, reasonable and even-tempered stalker in comparison.

Does this happen to other people? Do other people run into the first boy they..._did stuff with_, whilst on a not-date with the boy they want to..._do stuff with,_ only to have the first boy be completely and ridiculously infatuated on the second boy, but with the sort of infatuation that leads to fighting.

I mean what is the appropriate reaction for this situation?

I don't even...

Really know!

-o-

When I got back to the Jasmine Dragon – the very first thing I saw was Gloomy and Aang, deep in conversation. They were sitting across from each other on the balcony and drinking tea. Gloomy was talking to Aang in a low and serious voice. I could not imagine two more unlikely drinking buddies.

What the hell?

Was this just a night for bizarre happenings?

It was about to get even weirder. Right at that moment Aang got up and walked around and gave Gloomy a big hug. What the hell is happening tonight? Has the world gone mad?!

Gloomy restored my idea of normalcy by being awkward about the hug. She was a bit stiff and gave Aang a slightly awkward one armed pat and said _Easy on the hug, Baldy. I'm firenation, I can only show affection to komodo rhinos and messenger hawks. i_n her usual dry sardonic tone. Aang withdrew from the hug and smiled at her widely.

His smile fell when he noticed me coming up. It made me a bit sad to think that I am the reason his smile drops. I had something I really had to tell him. I thought I would tell him as soon as I saw him – but now I had much more pressing business to attend to first. The three of us exchanged awkward hellos and I asked where Iroh was. Gloomy waved me in with a regal pass of her hand.

Toph and Iroh were inside with Suki and Sokka. Everyone was most glad to see me. There was much fussing over me and how worried everyone had been and where had I got to etc. I waved everyone off and said it was a long story and I was fine. But I needed to talk to Iroh privately.

I briefly outlined the situation and what had happened in the 27th district to Iroh (who also muttered that phrase _not again_, when I told him about Jet and Zuko fighting). I thought I was being discreet – but I must have been talking loudly enough for everyone to hear, because everyone else was listening too. (Gloomy even remarked, in her usual monotone _Zuko's in a jail again...must be a Thursday.)_

There was a slight schmozzle. Toph wanted to come down to the 27th district with me and Iroh. She was sick of the walls and rules of the upper ring and Zuko had told her the lower ring was much more fun. Sokka had also read in his city guide that all of the best swordsmiths lived and worked in the lower districts. Sokka wouldn't mind an explore – If Iroh, Toph and myself were going. Because Sokka was so keen on going, Suki wanted to come too. Suki suggested that Aang should come as well (partly because none of us like leaving Aang alone). Aang glanced at Gloomy and then said that he would only come if Gloomy came too.

Where has this strange allegiance to Gloomy Hairbuns come from?

Suki smiled at Gloomy and said that she was more than welcome to join us. Suki thought it would be nice if we could **make an evening** of it. We could pick up Zuko, and Sokka could shop and Toph could...be Toph... and much fun would be had by all.

Suki probably gets along best with Gloomy out of all of us and has always tried to 'make an effort' with her. But** oh** how I wish she had not made the effort right now. Gloomy accepted her offer and decided to come with us. So then everyone was coming with us back down to the 27th district – when Zuko had asked me just to get Iroh.

Ooops.

I tried to explain the ridiculous necessity that we all call Zuko 'Lee' for the duration and pretend that he wasn't a firebender. Iroh offered that Lee had been the fake name that Zuko had used last time they lived in the city. Iroh had been called Mushi – so we should call him that.

Toph was an insatiable font of questions – which we could not answer satisfactorily. Iroh seems to know all about Zuko and Jet and the great sausage fiasco but didn't seem to want to elaborate on that to Toph. Strangely, Gloomy seemed to know about the great sausage fiasco as well. She bluntly told Toph that she didn't need to know _everything._ Eventually even Toph agreed to the Lee/Mushi ruse. And we set off.

_-o-_

Something weird happened on the train down.

I think Aang broke up with me.

Well I say broke up – but we were never really going out. So I don't know if there is a word for that.

What happened was this. It took till we were all on the trains for me to psych myself up enough to do it. I knew what I had to say. I wanted to make it short and sweet and as private as possible. I asked Aang if I could talk to him on his own. Aang nodded and we went into the next train compartment away from the others.

I cleared my throat and got ready to launch into my hastily cobbled together speech. I was going to say that Aang was lovely, and gentle and generous and kind and funny. He was going to make some girl incredibly happy one day. But I could not be that girl for him. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him, and I never would be. That was the whole gist of my speech. But I never got a chance to say it.

Aang asked if he could ask me something first, before I said whatever it was I had to say. I nodded. Aang just came right out with _you don't like me as a boyfriend – do you? _The directness of the question had me really surprised. I didn't want to just say _no, I don't _bluntly. I started trying to soften the blow and say some of my speech, but Aang got impatient with me. He interrupted me and said it was a simple enough question with a **yes or no answer.** He only wanted to hear an honest yes or no answer from me. Did I like him as a boyfriend?

I said _No. _

Aang nodded and said _finally, the truth. _I wanted to say that Aang made it very hard to tell him the truth previously and had always been perusing me and forcing kisses on me and not taking no for an answer before. But I felt it would be churlish to say that now.

Aang looked at me in the face, with his grey eyes solemn. He said _Okay. You don't like me like that...and I think I'm okay with that. _I offered that I had _really tried _to like him like that, but I just couldn't. I did truly love him, but I loved him as a brother – not a boyfriend...and I was so sorry for …..earlier... and for giving him the wrong impression.

Aang actually seemed somewhat pleased to hear this (I had previously been expecting the disappointed face). He said that it was what happened earlier that made him realise that he wasn't sure if he liked me _like that_ either.

This was a bit of a surprise confession, actually.

Aang has been very vocal in his affection for me – and so it was jarring to hear him say that he didn't fancy me any more.

Aang elaborated that it was actually **the kiss,** which made him change his mind about me. The kiss had been a turning point for him. It had evidentially felt as weird and wrong for Aang as it had for me. He told me _you kissed me...but it didn't feel ….right. It felt really...not right._

Then Aang elaborated that this made him realise that it was a turning point. He told me that he had been talking to Gloomy Hairbuns. I would normally feel inclined to **boo** anything Gloomy Hairbuns has to say, but it sounded like she had given Aang some good advice. According to Aang she had been very logical and talked in her regular flat monotone – but she hadn't judged him or been harsh on him like Toph, and she hadn't put a positive spin on it, like Iroh tried to do. She'd just said things that Aang believes he needed to hear.

Gloomy had come back to the Jasmine Dragon because she needed to have a conversation with Zuko as soon as possible and so she was going to wait for him to get back. Aang had told Toph and Iroh about the kiss. Toph had been giving him a hard time (as she does) when Gloomy arrived. Gloomy had told Toph to** shut it **and had taken Aang outside. She'd listened to Aang's tale of woe.

Gloomy had said that sometimes you_ think_ you know someone and you_ think_ you love someone. But then _something happens_ and you start to wonder if you ever really knew that person at all. Aang _thought_ he knew and loved me - but we kissed and Aang didn't feel right about it... and was starting to wonder if he really loved me like that at all. Gloomy had commended Aang for being able to admit it.

Gloomy had advised Aang to ask me upfront and directly about how I really felt and said that he should also tell me how he felt. That way we could salvage our friendship. According to Gloomy; it was bad to let feelings like this _fester unsaid. _

Aang had gotten a bit sad because it hadn't worked out with me and it hadn't worked out with Ty Lee – and these two disappointments in the love department had come in very quick succession. Gloomy had said that she actually thought that Aang was really lucky that neither of us had taken Aang up on his offer.

Aang had been confused by this.

Gloomy said that if either of us had taken up with Aang – Aang would have ended up stuck in a relationship where he loved the other person much more than he was loved back. She said it was never fun to be the person who loved more. Gloomy said that Aang had a crush on me for so long so he had this _thing _in his head that **he was meant to be with me.** but if we ever were to have a relationship, Gloomy guaranteed that Aang would still be the one who loves more. He would be very disappointed by the results.

According to Gloomy, as paraphrased by Aang, when you're the person who loves more, life is miserable. When you have _the person you thought you always wanted_, you become so afraid of being without them, of being alone. You are perpetually worried that the other person will leave you, and so you start to put them down all the time, just to keep them around, because you know that the day they realise how great they are – they're going to leave. Then you feel like you are becoming a horrible person. On top of that, you spend the whole time just...waiting for them to change... and for them to love you back. But they don't. Gloomy didn't think that Aang would want that sort of relationship. Aang agreed.

Gloomy had said that the best thing about Aang's situation was that Aang and I hadn't gotten **bogged down in a quagmire of a relationship.** To Gloomy is just sounded like one mistake of a kiss and that wasn't such a bad thing. It would be much easier to salvage our friendship – because there was much less chance for bitterness and misunderstanding between us.

Aang asked if I thought that was okay? Could we go back to being friends? Aang liked being friends with me. I told Aang that I had liked being friends with him too. Friends was good. We hugged then, and it was very sweet.

-o-

Aang just went as sat back next to Gloomy Hairbuns. He gave her a big thumbs up after his talk with me. She gave him what I once would have interpreted as a rather _patronising _pat on his bald head. But maybe that's just how Gloomy is. She's never, ever been very affectionate – so when she does nice things, it seems weird and awkward and stilted and patronising.

I know I should be grateful to her.

Left to my own devices – I probably would have made **a dog's dinner** of the letting Aang down gently talk. I have failed at it spectacularly on all other occasions. But Gloomy talking to Aang, and telling him her blunt and pessimistic view of life and relationships has really helped. I should thank her – but I really don't know how to go about thanking someone for something like that.

When Aang was talking to me about how he didn't fancy me – I felt nothing but pure and unmitigated relief. He seemed so earnest when he talked about wanting to be just friends again. I know we can make it back there now – and be proper friends like we used to be.

I don't know...I mean I've been thinking ill of Gloomy for so long. I thought I knew what she was all about. I thought she was **such a bitch.** But I've never really had a conversation with her one-on-one. It is such a disconcerting feeling – when you think you have someone pegged, but then they do something surprising and you have to re-evaluate your whole opinion about them.

Maybe I've been too hard on Mai.

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Lovely wonderful readers – you've reached the end of _the firelight fountain incident. _Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! A big enormous giant thank you to everyone who reviews! You guys know how much I love reading what you think. And thanks to people who've pointed out a few characterisation flaws in my writing. I want to be as IC as possible – so theses are really helpful (of course my version of IC depends entirely on how I see the character and this is where YMMV). But anyway there's a whole bunch about Maiko which I'll get to later.

This chapter has actually been cut in half. I wrote the whole thing out and saw the word limit and **gasped** at how long I'd rambled on for. So I felt here was a good place to divide it up. The good news it – it shouldn't be as long between updates, because the next half is almost all completely written. The bad news is you will still have to wait just a little longer for _the smexy times._

Ooh there is something I wanted to explain about this Ba Sing Se arc, that came up in reviews. The lovely Yorushike *waves at Yorushike* pointed out that it was too much suspension of disbelief that everyone from the firenation would be a 'rude bastard' and especially Iroh and Zuko would know proper behaviour. This is a great point and one that I should have been much more clear on. So sorry for confusion. It's actually the different cultural standards that give FN folk a reputation for rudeness in the EK.

Zuko and Iroh do know how to behave in polite company – but they know how to do so according to FN customs. Because there has been a real lack of the need for diplomacy between these two nations for the last 100 years – they aren't yet aware of how their differing customs offend high society EK folk. They might have old texts about dealing with EK people, but think about how much fluid societal norms can change in 100 years – especially during war or an industrialisation period. Their only two contacts in the EK who could correct them are Bumi and Toph. Bumi's a bit nuts, and Toph's blindness is preventing her from seeing their faux pas. In some ways, the Dowager is trying to correct them (but she does not know traditional FN customs) by constantly telling them when they are being rude. However this comes off as pedantic and annoying to Zuko – who thinks he is behaving perfectly well.

Different cultural standards can lead to accidental rudeness all over the place. For example, in Japan, very direct eye contact is considered rude (except in certain circumstances), but I was always taught that it is a sign of polite listening to maintain consistent eye-contact with someone when they are speaking. If I do that in Japan – I would be acting my customs and trying to be polite in my way – yet I would be offending the person I was speaking to unknowingly.

The way I see it, the FN is stereotypically a much more direct race of people . The FN is a place where a direct eye contact, saying what you mean and being willing to fight for it is highly valued. The EK High Society seems to be a much more indirect group, who would favour very round-a-bout ways of speaking and conversation. Think about how the Joo Dees talk around in circles, politely. That would be modelled on polite standards of conversation. I say EK high society because the EK is absolutely huge and there would be different standards for the other classes. The 'peasants' and rural places the Gaang visit are not constrained by the high society customs of the EK.

So people from the firenation, who directly say what they think – would come off as rude to EK high society people, no matter how many pleases and thank yous they throw in. However, the EK people are probably in many respects, looking for things to complain about when it comes to their FN visitors. The FN was the aggressor in a recently ended 100 years war. The EK people would feel many grievances towards them. But it is impolitic and counter-productive to air those grievances directly, especially at peace negotiations. But the EK high society still need an outlet for their various ill-feelings towards the FN. So bitching about them being rude – as it is a 'safe' thing to criticise the FN over - has become common.

Hope that helps lovely – this is something I should have been much clearer on!

I mean – all cultures have great things about them and bad things about them. I know I've been bagging the water tribes a lot because of their sexism – but I also wanted to point out that there are some wonderful things about the WT. Their caring attitude and communal focus are just a beautiful thing to see – even if it does lead to insular thinking and rigid roles, it also means that every single person is important – and no one goes hungry. The tribal class structure is nowhere near as rigid as the other nations and they don't have the terrible poverty and the whole **haves vs have-nots** problems that occurs in the other nations. Poverty is communal rather than individual. The tribe suffers and celebrates together.

Anyway culture clash and cultural misunderstandings is something I think would come up during the first peace international meeting in 100 years. The nations don't really understand each other – and for a long time they didn't want to understand each other.

We also deal with a few other cultural misunderstandings when it comes to Katara and Zuko this chapter when they have their big talk during their 'not date'. Their not date really cleared their air between them and gave Katara and opportunity to voice some very realistic concerns about her tribal customs and how they would impact on any of her possible future relationships - including any relationship with Zuko (albeit in a round-a-bout way).

Watertribe customs would be a bit of a mystery to Zuko – because he has never had to live amongst the water tribe people the same way that Sokka and Katara have had to live in the firenation. He only really knows what they've told him. Neither Sokka or Katara are really going to say to Zuko –_ oh by the way, my tribe thinks that anyone who is half firenation is a tainted half-breed, and you should hear what they say about full firenation people! _Especially as this is a view that neither Sokka or Katara share.

Also Zuko is still a **jealous, jealous person for jealous town, jealousmania.** Finding out that Katara kissed Aang has made him jealous and spending time in a jail cell with Jet (and all that Jet is going to say) isn't going to improve matters on the jealousy front either. Zuko would have a hard time getting his head around Katara's reasons for the Aang kiss initially – until she explained all her various feelings about tribal custom, duty and fate. The whole _men don't like women who argue_ thing would be equally baffling for Zuko, being from the feisty firenation where everyone argues. If Zuko decided that he just wasn't going to be with a woman who argued – his only option would be celibacy combined with getting 18 cats.

While there are arranged marriages in the upper classes of the firenation – it does not seem to be very common at all (hence lots of references to dating and having bf/gfs that are not future spouses, from the firenation folk in season 3). I imagine that most marriages are love matches in the FN. The gender roles are much less rigid in the FN too, and so there is not the same meek and mild wife at home stereotype. Zuko has heard Katara complain at length about the gender inequality in her tribe, but this is the first time he sees how it _really_ affects her life and choices.

They get to have an interesting conversation about fate and where I think that both their head-spaces would be at when it comes to the matter of destiny. I think that Katara, given her upbringing, choices and characterisation during ATLA would very much believe in fate. Think of her blind and unfailing faith in Aang and her faith in all of Aunt Wu's predictions. Katara would believe in a power greater than herself and have much more trust in the whims and wills of the spirits. I think she needs to have faith, especially working in the medial field – where she will see all manner of horrors. Katara needs to believe there is a purpose to it all.

I think that Zuko, on the other hand, would have lapsed in whatever spiritual faith he was brought up in. He acknowledges that there are spirits – but rather than seeing them as wise, all loving forces for good, he sees them an capricious and highly unpleasant. At the very least I would imagine that he would view spirits with a great deal of distrust. This is where he differs greatly from his Uncle, who like Katara has great respect for the spirits and in many ways needs to that faith.

Iroh lost his son because he so believed in what the spirits promised him – victory and conquering Ba Sing Se. For Iroh to lose faith in the spirit world, it would be like he was acknowledging that Lu Ten's death was for nothing. Thinking that is was the will of the spirits is a small comfort.

I can also imagine Iroh trying to use the will of spirits to comfort Zuko after one or another calamity has befallen him. Katara does this all the time with Aang – eg in the storm she always says _the spirits will it, maybe things were __**meant**__ to be this way_ etc. If Iroh tried that with Zuko and said, in essence, _the spirits mean for you to get this scar, have all these horrible experiences _– then I can imagine Zuko thinking (but perhaps not verbalising) _well fuck the spirits then._ He is certainly angry at the spirits for his lot in life – as we can see from his hill-top rantings in _bitter work_. Even though his life has drastically improved since then, I can't see Zuko being overly concerned with what the spirits will and fate and destiny and all that. I think he would have much more confidence in himself and in his own abilities and agency.

Note: I've said a couple of times that Aang delegates some of his really hard moral dilemmas and duties as avatar to Zuko. However the spirit world and dealing with it, is something that Zuko is very happy to leave entirely up to Aang. It's not his bag.

However I don't think Zuko would mock Katara for her belief in the spirits, and nor do I believe that Katara would try and 'convert' Zuko to being more trusting of them. They both have a very good (if conflicting) points. I think that they would be able to find a compromise or some common ground in their conflicting beliefs regarding spirits and faith, and it would have been one of those really interesting and absorbing conversations.

Also we finally get to see Zuko's real POV on the Maiko relationship – and this is counter-balanced by Mai's POV later. This fic is from Katara's point of view and she is an unreliable narrator. She does demonize the Maiko relationship and Mai. Mai is the designated bad guy for Katara. I was actually going for the comedic contrast in the long term because I was planning on contrasting how much Katara hates Mai now with how much she will actually like Mai once she gets to know her.

Katara actually doesn't know Mai very well at all in this fic. They have so few interactions. But Katara judges Mai very harshly and only sees what she wants to see (which is mostly negative). Katara can be **quite judgemental **in the show. I wanted her to have a learning experience about this and understand that she shouldn't judge someone before she really knows them. This would help her curve her judgemental side. Admitting you were wrong about someone is a really hard thing to do.

But for all that to happen, Katara has to hate on Mai hardcore for the learning experience to have real value. Last chapter was the culmination of all of Katara's dislike of Mai, the Maiko relationship and jealousy. But a few of my dear readers have rightfully called me out on over-egging the Mai-hate pudding – so thank you for letting me know it bothers you. I've tried to re-gig some things. I've moved Katara's revelation that she has misjudged Mai forward. I hope this has improved things somewhat for you.

Some of the things which bother people are simply my milage varying when it comes to Mai. I do think that there is a powerful rebellious spirit in Mai that is just bursting to get out. This powerful rebellious spirits does not like being called a consort and having her role reduced to that of 'designated girlfriend' (in this aspect Mai and Katara are very similar). I do not think that Mai is some perpetually oppressed wall-flower, but is a highly intelligent young woman who has **chosen** **apathy as her coping mechanism** for all the shenanigans she is surrounded by. This is because I so desperately want Mai to have some agency beyond Zuko.

All that colours how I write her.

I also think that the Maiko relationship really brings out the very worst in both Mai and Zuko. It is a huge disservice to both their characters. But because this fic is from Katara's POV, and in my notes I tend to ramble more about Zuko than I do about Mai, the way Maiko impacts negatively upon Mai has been neglected. I think Maiko is inherently dysfunctional – but it is totally two sided dysfunction. They are both equally to blame.

Katara finds it easier to blame Mai for this dysfunction than to blame Zuko. She has nothing but bad things to write about Mai, so she is constantly looking for justification that others also see Mai in a similar light. That's why she concentrates on Toph and Iroh's dislike of Mai (though Iroh is much less demonstrative of his disapproval than Toph – he is never unkind to Mai to her face). Toph and Iroh's dislike is mostly linked to their strong familial bond with Zuko and the fact that they can see that this relationship is making him unhappy. They too, would not want to blame Zuko.

However I have neglected to write in this fic that Suki likes Mai and recognises that Mai was instrumental in helping them escape boiling rock (Sokka also knows this about Mai). Suki thinks that Maiko is dysfunctional – but she doesn't cast blame or hate on Mai for the dysfunction. She has been trying to keep the peace between everyone (she is the one playing Pai Sho with Mai in the finale). Ty Lee and Mai are still very close friends. Ty Lee can see that Mai and Zuko are on the rocks and she has been encouraging Zuko to be a better boyfriend to Mai.

But most of that takes place on the airship, and I haven't gotten around to writing those shenanigans yet. So instead we have heard a lot about how Katara thinks Maiko shouldn't be together and how she is sure "everyone else" thinks they shouldn't be together. but we haven't heard anything from Zuko or Mai about why they are actually together.

I tried to explore that here from Mai and Zuko's individual points of view. I don't think there is anything sinister or emotionally abusive in the Maiko relationship (emotional abuse is a huge thing that shouldn't be tossed around lightly). They are just simply two people who really do not jive well together and inadvertently bring out the negative traits in each other.

Zuko got with Mai right after the crystal catacombs, when he was feeling dreadful about life, the universe and everything. Mai's gloomy view of the world and her apathy would have been refreshing – and her acceptance of Zuko's hatred of the world would have been validating. I never got the feeling that Zuko hated the world prior to season 3 – I think he was more frustrated with it, because he wanted it to be better and believed it could be better -but terrible things kept happening.

After the crystal catacombs – he pretty much hates the world and is, in his own words, so angry and he doesn't know why. Being with Mai would have normalised hating the world for him. People will do all sorts of things to feel normal. This is also in part to explain the whole _you're so beautiful when you hate the world _conversation/picnic – because that always struck me as a little OOC for Zuko. But it makes sense if Mai's negativity is what he likes about her.

Zuko stays with Mai because he genuinely likes her as a person (which is something that Katara would have a hard time acknowledging because she thinks Mai is **the devil**). Zuko really doesn't want to hurt Mai. Especially because he knows that she has depressive tendencies and she is 'happier' with him. He would feel a duty of care to Mai. Even though he loves Katara, he's put that aside because he felt like Mai genuinely needed him more. It would be a big thing for Zuko to _deliberately hurt_ someone he cares about.

Mai for her own part, has had a crush on Zuko ever since she was a little girl. One of the key things that strikes me in the Maiko relationship is that Mai cares for Zuko much more than Zuko cares for her and there is this inherent imbalance. Mai, like Zuko, feels like she _should _be happy in her current situation. She's got the boy she's always wanted and everything should be great now – right? But she's still miserable.

This is due to the inherent imbalance of affection in the Maiko relationship. Mai would _feel_ that Zuko is staying with her, just out of obligation and so she clings to him all the more – out of fear of being alone and fear of having it all go to crap with the one guy who she has earmarked as "the one" for her. Designating someone as "the one" before you properly know them is risky. It makes Mai much more likely to cling to Zuko because she thinks so highly of him. She thinks he will understand her. She also thinks that if she can't make it work with him, then she can't make it work with anyone.

A lot of Mai's unkind actions towards Zuko in my fic are actually her attempts to hold on to him – because Maiko only works when Zuko is miserable too. So she tries to take him down a peg or two. However, I think that Mai is intelligent enough and self-aware enough to realise that she is doing this. She doesn't like herself for it.

Mai has come to the point, last chapter, where she was ready to admit that it is just not working at all with Zuko. She has gone to the teashop to break up with him, properly and officially and for the last time. I think that the final Maiko break-up should be instigated by Mai. Zuko has broken up with her the prior two times, and in the interest of balance, I wanted Mai to be the one who gets to call it quits this time. However it will be more a mutual break-up because Mai and Zuko are in similar spaces when it comes to their relationship. For once they are on the same page.

Mai's key to happiness is not linked to Zuko – but rather to becoming her own person, in my opinion (and YMMV). But the one thing I really wanted to see from Mai was some genuine niceness that was also not linked to Zuko. Most of Mai's "good deeds" in the show are in direct relationship to Zuko. This bothers me. I wanted to see Mai do something nice and good – simply because it was the nice and good thing to do.

That's why Aang and Mai's conversation is so important. Not only did it allow me to take an oblique look at Mai's feelings (which she would never in a million years divulge to Katara), it also allowed me to show a softer side to her person. Mai does a nice thing in comforting Aang, not because there is anything at all in it for herself, but because it was the nice thing to do and she felt she could help Aang. Bless her cotton socks. I think Mai able to completely identify with Aang's situation. She gives him the advice that Toph and Iroh can't.

A few of you wished for a Mai-centric drabble; consider it done (well done when I get the time). If I were to write one, it would be this conversation between Mai and Aang – or her having a drunken DM with Ty Lee and Rena. If you have a preference, let me know in reviews or in a PM.

Anyway Aang's reaction to the kiss is explored, and in my head-canon; he's not so _into_ Katara any more. The sexual nature of the kiss and the fact that Katara ran away afterwards have cause Aang to rethink his Katara love. I honestly see this as the end result of any passionate Kataang kiss. Because they do not have any romantic passion between them, any attempt at simulating a passionate romantic kiss is going to fall completely flat.

Think about how Aang has kissed Katara previously – it is always a chaste little peck. This is Aang's level. This is what he is ready for – he is not ready for tongue-kissing (and nor should he be, lawdy!) Contrast chaste-Aang-kisses that with Katara slipping him ol' slurpy in the finale ; queue Aang's surprise.

In my head-canon the kiss itself made Aang realise what would actually be involved in a romantic relationship with Katara. It is their very first passionate kiss and Aang would have felt exceptionally **uncomfortable** with it (as he should – goodness bryke! Tongue-kissing 12-year-olds!). In fact, if I had my way Aang's thought process would go_ is that her tongue...eeeeeewwww!_

My point is that Aang is in no way mature enough for this sort of relationship, especially not with Katara; however it takes a passionate kiss for him to see that. So when he kisses Katara, it does not feel right at all to him. He might nor realise it straight away, but this is a combination of the fact that he is simply not ready for that kind of relationship, the fact that he and Katara have nothing more than platonic love between them and it really is a bit like kissing your mum.

Anyway Aang has confusion and disappointment and embarrassment as a result. He's been banging on about how he loves Katara for a while now – and he worries that having a such sudden change of mind will make him look a little foolish. It's like Aang's been saying _I really want pizza_ for a year, before ever having tried it. Then someone gives him a slice of pizza and he takes a bite and says_ eeeeeewwww – this is pizza? I thought it would be different. _

However he is mostly struggling with the fact that he saw Katara as his forever girl and it is absolutely apparent to him that she is not the right one for him post-kiss. This is very similar to how Mai thought that Zuko was "the one" for her and it is now absolutely apparent that he is not. In this aspect, Mai is really able to help Aang and and give him some perspective. She encourages him to honestly talk to Katara and try and salvage his friendship with her and for the two of them to put the whole gross kiss behind them.

This chapter also marked the much-anticipated return of Jet, in all his crazy glory. Man I love writing Jet. Anyway, I hope none of you were disappointed. Jet will be sticking around from here on out, mostly to cause a ruckus.

Note: I highly recommend reading _Jet's troubling obsession_ for the full background of Jet and Zuko's hijinks in Ba Sing Se previously. That links in with this fic and I will be writing these next chapters like everyone has read it.

Right now, Jet does not actually know that Zuko is a firebender. When Jet got caught by the Dai Li, Zuko had never once given him any indication that he was a firebender. Jet has had a long time in prison to stew over things and has been thinking about all the events which lead him to his prison-fate. He had admitted to himself that maybe Lee really wasn't a firebender to begin with and maybe a lot of it was in Jet's head …...and maybe...just maybe, he had a little crush on Lee.

He would have seen Zuko and fallen instantly into his old habits. Throwing the rock really was his way of saying_ hi. _Antagonism and petty rock throwing and insult!fail is how Jet and Zuko relate to each other. Anyway Jet would have old seen Katara from behind and thought all his jealous thoughts (another shameless hussy? Where does he keep finding these wenches?) - so Jet is very surprised when Katara turns around and he sees her face. His two crushes seem to be on a date together. This is awkward for all three people involved.

I think Jet really did just want to re-establish contact with 'Lee', but his overtures of friendship blow up in his face (again) when Zuko attacks him (out of jealousy and habit). Anyway, they have now been locked in the 27th district guard-station holding cells together. Shenanigans will ensue. Jet is in the dark now about Lee's real identity and the fact that he is not only a firebender – but **the firelord. **But he will find out the truth next chapter.

Also next chapter; Jet will brag about his conquests to prove his complete heterosexuality to a disbelieving audience. He will talk about doing Suki, Sokka and Suki will react. The real identity of Jet's Suki will also be revealed and Zuko will react. There will be much ado, more arrests, and general chaos. Zuko and Mai will call it quits, and then there will be something that I know you've been waiting for.

Til then lovely readers!

If you made it to the bottom then** four for you glen coco- you go glen coco!**


	17. the ideal moment

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the ideal moment

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Smellerbee and Longshot were waiting for us at the 27th train station behind the barricades. They seemed a little surprised when a whole cartload of people they knew poured out. There was a nice little reunion between everyone (except for Mai and Suki because they hadn't been there). Iroh was his pleasant jovial self with them and wanted to hear all about their lives now. I will say that one of the things I love about Iroh is how genial and generous he is with everyone. He talks to Smellerbee and Longshot the same way he talks to all the courtly people up at the Palace; with great warmth.

Anyway Smellerbee was surprised that I had brought everyone (accidentally). Aang, who was very keen to be 'in-character', said that we were friends of 'Lee's'. This seemed to satisfy Smellerbee and Longshot. Everyone spent a bit of time catching up until Smellerbee inadvertently let the big gay crush out of the Jet bag. Then conversation centred of nothing else.

I hadn't said anything about the Big Gay Crush back at the teashop (because _what do you say?_ I didn't even know what I thought about it myself). I think that Zuko had never told any of us because he didn't want any of us to know – so I tried to keep scthum.

At least I tried.

However, the Big Gay Crush was a fact of life for Smellerbee and so she was able to mention it in offhand conversation with Iroh about the ways they could limit Jet's crazy crush, stalking and 'Lee' obsession. Smellerbee wanted to make a plan here and now – because she didn't know if she had the energy to deal with Jet stalking Lee: the sequel.

Sokka and Aang looked at each other in confusion. I mean...gay is just not a thing in the water tribes._ I don't think we have any gay people._ Or maybe we do... and they just keep_ really quiet_ about it. I mean...I really don't know how my tribe would handle gay people. I would hazard a guess that the whole gay thing wouldn't be received well in my tribe. Spirits know about the North.

But I knew about gay people from working in the firenation hospitals. One woman was visited a lot by her partner, who had spousal visiting privileges and was allowed to stay after regular visiting hours. At first I had been a bit perplexed by it. Two women who were spouses I mean. Dr Yang had to take me aside and explain it to me.

_Spirits _that conversation had been awkward!

But Sokka and Aang were a bit behind the ball on this one (I guess gay wasn't a thing for the air nomads either). Aang was the one who actually asked what Smellerbee meant by gay crush, with such innocent confusion. Smellerbee looked a bit taken aback that this question was directed at her, but she answered it in her usual fashion, eg she was straight to the point. She just shrugged and said _well Jet wants to __**do **__Lee. _Aang tilted his head and asked _wants to do lee? What does he want to do? _Toph's shoulders started shaking incredibly at this point, from her efforts at trying to contain her laughter.

Smellerbee just remarked_ what__** didn't**__ he want to do – sheesh there is only so many times I could hear Jet say "oh I just want to eat him all up" or "wouldn't it be great if I could tie him up and punish him in a kinky way." _This statement did not clarify the matter for Aang (but it did cause Toph to practically erupt with laughter) – so Smellerbee started listing all the euphemisms she knew. Jet likes to swing both ways, pitches his tent on both sides of the field, partakes of both sides of the buffet, he was a little bit bisexual etc. As soon as she said bisexual – the penny dropped for Aang.

It was like at the Beach House, when Sokka tried to have the sex talk with Aang and used all these really weird and laboured metaphors for sex (penguins and igloos, gardens and flowers etc) – but as soon as he actually said sex – Aang got it. Smellerbee said bisexual and Aang's eyes widened and he went _ooooh,_ in understanding. Then his face crinkled in puzzlement and he uttered _Jet's into Z...Lee. Who saw__** that **__coming? _with some bafflement.

Sokka was also bothered by this – but the source of his bother was slightly different. First it was the ...eerr _mechanics of bisexuality_, which Smellerbee explained in **very colourful language.** Then he was just confused as to why anyone would pick kissing a dude over a girl. Girls were lovely, with their _girlness _and everything. Girls were soft lips, shapely bodies, supple...(at this point Suki coughed and gave Sokka **a look** and he abandoned that tangent). Sokka clarified that he just couldn't understand why anyone would pick making out with a guy over a girl... but each to their own.

Smellerbee said that Jet had just found Lee so handsome and badass that he just had to develop a mancrush. Jet took one look at him and decided he was handsome enough and badass enough to fancy; but then he went a bit weird with the fancying and_ it all got a bit whack. _

Sokka started questioning Jet's taste in guys. I think there was a slight ego thing involved here. Sokka is a really good looking guy (and he knows it too) and he thinks of himself as rather dashing and badass (and Suki thinks so too – that's why it works so well between them). It became obvious that Sokka was a bit confounded as to why he hadn't brought out this side of Jet – as he was both handsome and badass. However, given how Jet seems to demonstrate his crush for Zuko – this is a blessing.

Smellerbee shrugged and said _you're cute Sokka, but Lee is like...__**sexy fine.**__ He's __**nasty hot**__. Hot in that nasty way that makes boys like Jet willing to go gay for him. _Longshot gave her a strange look her and she reassured him that she didn't fancy Lee too - but she was just explaining that she could _see_ why Jet would. She then took Longshot's hand hand sweetly and gave it a squeeze. Longshot smiled at her and draped his arm around her silently.

Are they going out? It was an awkward thing to ask, but I think they must be. They held hands the whole way to prison at least.

-0-

Toph took the opportunity of the walk to ask for more dirt on Zuko's life down here from Smellerbee. Smellerbee didn't seem to think that there was any big secret – so she had no shame in divulging the **Great Sausage Fiasco, **(this will always sound friggin bizarre to me – why the sausages? Why?) **the time that Jet got arrested for perving on Zuko in the bath** (oh spirits what?), **the tigerdillo episode** (Aang looked a bit sheepish here when Smellerbee was talking about how much havoc the zoo animals caused in the lower rings), **the night of spark-rock thievery** (am unsurprised by this one actually), and **Jet's terrible date at the teashop, **(during which he apparently said _serve me bitch_ to Zuko like 18 times). Toph found the whole thing incredibly hilarious. I think she is planning on teasing Zuko for _the rest of his life_ about this.

She did however, have a little bit of teasing saved up for me too. She sidled on back next to me, and practically crowed, in a most amused tone of voice, that she couldn't _believe that I had dated Jet_. I got a little defensive.

Firstly I tried to explain that we had just had one night together, so it wasn't really "going out". He wasn't my ex-boyfriend. He was just some guy I spent all night snogging in a tree house. I feel like having Jet as a previous boyfriend somehow reflects badly on me (in light of current events). I tried to explain what had made Jet seem like an acceptable snogging-mate at the time. He was really quite handsome, he wasn't_ that bad,_ and we'd had **lots of things in common.**

Toph seemed absolutely unable to resist the opportunity I just dangled in front of her. She said _yeah! You do have so much in common; you have__** the same taste in guys**__ and everything!_ She chortled at that and wandered off to Iroh all pleased with herself.

-0-

We heard Zuko and Jet before we saw them. We got to the guard station, and we could hear them arguing somewhere behind the foyer. But they didn't sound like they were trying to beat each other up – which was good. Cam explained that he'd had to put them in separate cells. It was_ just easier._

Cam and Lo and Iroh had to faff about a bit with forms and fine paying and small talk. (how's business for you, we really miss you around the 27th district, it's going well, how's your wife/kids etc). From the way they were talking, they all knew each other well. So either the guards drank a lot of tea, or Zuko had gotten arrested a whole bunch. Am unsure which one is more likely at the moment.

While all the paper work was being sorted out, we could all hear Jet talking about his past conquests, while Zuko would periodically say that they really didn't need to talk. Then Jet started talking about being intimate with Suki and their conversation went way off track, and all of us kids started listening in.

Jet: and after Ling with the great arse...

Zuko: (cheekily) Ling was the one who slapped you and called you a dickhead in the teashop?

Jet: Shut up Lee. As I was saying, after Ling...there was Suki. Now Suki was a fucking stunner. She's leader of the Koyshi Warriors I'll have you know. Real classy babe.

Suki and Sokka exchanged glances here. Sokka looked suspicious and jealous. Suki looked very disgusted at the mere suggestion that she would sleep with Jet. Her disgust seemed to assuage Sokka's jealous frown.

Zuko: (scoffing) now that's a load of bullshit. There is **no way** you slept with Suki! I know her and she wouldn't sleep with you. She has a brain and ...fucking _standards. _

Jet:You know her? Where can I find her?

Zuko: She's going out with my best mate now – so hands off fuckface. (Sokka nodded in approval at this).

Jet: (muttered) You're the fuckface.

Zuko: (sounding very impatient) You **always **make this sort of shit up. This is just like how you told everyone you did Katara in a treehouse.

Jet: But I did do Katara in a treehouse. She was really wet – if you know what I mean.

Okay – what the hell?

Jet told everybody we slept together? I would have beaten the crap out of him for that alone.

But it sounded like he had been bragging about sleeping with me in a treehouse to Zuko and that thought just made me want to go outside, find the nearest fountain and just **slap **Jet with all the water in it. Repeatedly. Over the head. Sokka gave me that older brotherly look. The look that said_ I will happily break this guys legs for you, because no one messes with my sister. _

Zuko: (trying to sound dismissive) I don't believe you, you know. Smellerbee told me you were full of shit about that.

Jet: (scoffing) What would Smellerbee know? She wasn't in the treehouse with us – I'm not **that** perverted...(Zuko made the angriest noise)... Oooh have I made you **mad **now?

Zuko: blah blah blah I can't hear you blah blah.

Jet: What are you doing?

Zuko: whenever you open your mouth from now on – I'm just going to talk over the top of you and say blah blah blah, blah blah blah and pretend I can't hear you.

Jet: Look...

Zuko: Blah blah blah blah blah

Jet: seriously

Zuko: blah blah blah blah

Jet: Well that's just immature.

Zuko: (snapping) Immature! You've spent the whole time that we've been in here bragging about imaginary past conquests and generally being a childish dickhead – and I just **don't want to hear it any more. **

Jet: Look I only told you so now you can be completely sure that I am not **gay for you. **I've slept with an arse-tonne of chicks and no dudes. Just so we're clear.

Zuko: Oh,** not fucking this** again. Look Jet I don't give a rat's arse of you are gay, straight, bisexual or if you shag koalasheep in your spare time.

Jet: But I...

Zuko: No...**no more talking! **I have such a limited amount of patience for you to begin with.

Jet: Oi, you can't just ….

Zuko: Okay seen as though you only seem to want to talk about sex – I need you to think of my patience with you... like... your virginity. When it is gone – it is gone. You know it was there for ages, but then one day –_ fuck I can't believe I know this story-_ that girl Lola moved into the tree house and you two got to talking and... bada bing - it was gone forever! Just like my patience is now.

Jet: So your patience is like virginity – once it's gone, it's gone forever.

Zuko: Yes.

Jet: But you've lost your patience because of me?

Zuko: (wary) Yes

Jet: (very amused) Isn't that a bit like me taking your virginity.

Zuko: (angry explosion) **Motherfucker will you just shut up.**

Jet: Hey don't get all scrappy at me – you're the one who went with the virginity analysis.

Zuko: Just shut the fuck up. All I want right now is disgruntled silence – is that really too much to ask for?

At that point, the paperwork was finished and we were lead through to the cells by Cam and Lo to collect our boys. Jet was sitting next to the bars that divided the cells, with his legs stretched out. He was idly readjusting his pieces of armour. Zuko was as far away from Jet as humanly possible and was sitting with his arms crossed, looking very grumpy. We came in just as Jet was saying that he thought that Zuko could be a little nicer to him, and make a little bit of conversation, because Jet had spent **months and months in prison because of Zuko after all.** _Join the club_, Mai said dryly to Jet, as she entered the cell room (she was the next one through the door after Iroh).

Zuko looked really surprised to see her come into the room after his uncle. He looked even more surprised when she was followed by the rest of us in a big gaggle. We stood in the hallway in front of the cells, while Cam fiddled with his keys. Both boys stood up. Zuko was stunned into silence at the sight of us – Jet however still retained the power of speech, and seemed focussed on Mai, as she was the first person from our group to address him. He tilted an eyebrow and asked Mai _who the fuck are you? _

Mai informed Jet, in a rather sarcastic tone of voice, that she was "Lee's Girlfriend". She said this in a way that implied that she wouldn't be for much longer – that is how sarcastically she said girlfriend. Jet however missed the subtly in Mai's comment and rounded on Zuko and said bitchily _Another floozy! Where the fuck to you keep finding these wenches? The braindead tart shop?_

Mai did not appreciate being called a braindead tart. She moved so quickly that I didn't even see her reach for her knives. One sailed past Jet's back and hit the far wall of the cell. Jet didn't seem even slightly perturbed by this. Instead, he gave Mai a cocky grin and said_ missed me wenchy. _

Mai replied that she hadn't been aiming for him. With perfect comic timing, it became apparent what she had been aiming at. She'd clipped the strap where Jet had attached the armour to his belt. She'd nicked it so lightly that it had taken two seconds before the belt snapped. Just as Mai finished speaking, the belt gave way and Jet's pants and thigh armour tumbled to the ground.

Oh la la – saw more of Jet than I ever thought I'd see again.

Zuko swore and turned around to face the far wall of his cell. Jet glared at Mai and said _that is just petty you know _as he pulled his pants back up. Mai just gave a non-committal shrug in response. Zuko asked if Jet was decent yet, because he wasn't turning around until he was. _Nobody wanted to see that. _

Jet winked at Mai and said, _I think Wenchy does._ Mai made a confused face at his flirty tone. Well she only slightly moved her face – she never shows much expression after all. But I knew the face she was making was her _what the fuck?_ face. Jet added, in what he must have thought was a debonair voice, _The chemistry between us is undeniable darling._

Zuko made the most stroppy noise and snapped _You want to know what else is undeniable Jet? The __**pain **__that my foot is going to cause when __**I jam it in your throat. **_Jet retorted that 'Lee' was always trying to silence him, and always trying to get him to shut up, but it wouldn't work now. Mai looked between then both and said to Jet _you must see how wanting you to be quiet is an understandable sentiment _in a dry, flat explanatory tone.

Jet took the opportunity to take the piss out of Mai's voice, how posh it was and how uptight she sounded. He concluded that Mai was "so not Lee's type"...unless she was into alley shags. Zuko whipped around, thoroughly and completely pissed off now, and said _oh for the last fucking time – Jin and I never shagged in an alley. That's all just your twisted fantasy. _

Jet scoffed at this and said _why on earth would I fantasise about shagging you in an alley?_ Smellerbee and Zuko both made a face at this. I think Jet realised a second too late what that comment sounded like. Smellerbee opened her mouth to say something, but Jet quickly told her to shut up. Then he turned to Zuko an waggled a finger at him and said _just so we're clear, I never wanted to shag you – I only wanted to punish you. _

Zuko made disgusted, exasperated face and muttered _and we're back to the punishment_. Then he threw his arms up in the air in frustration, before declaring most stroppily _trust me Jet being locked in here with you is punishment enough. More than punishment enough. __**This is the worst form of torture ever!**__ If I had a choice right now, between being..__**.boiled alive in oil while midgets danced around me singing "the hedgehog song"**__ or spending another minute in jail with you – well the oil is sounding pretty good. _

Cam smiled in amusement and told Zuko it wouldn't come to that. He'd finally found the keys. He let Zuko out first, saying _you're free to go Sugar-roo._ Iroh went over to Zuko and started talking to him in a low voice as they walked back out to to the guard station foyer. The idea was that we would leave in stages, – with Zuko being let out first. However I just wanted to wait until Jet was let out. Suki also waited with me. I think we both had the same thing on our mind.

There was something I needed to do.

Cam fiddled with Jet's lock and when it clicked, he strode out, looking pleased with himself. Well he wouldn't look pleased with himself for long. As soon as Jet was clear of the bars, I walked over and gave him the most tremendous smack across the face. It was a **really loud slap**. It kind of hurt my hand a little. Then I shouted _that's for telling everyone we slept together, you lying, stupid _(there was a rather long list of insulting expletives here, which I wont go into)_. _Then I kicked Jet in the shin for good measure. I was also planning on waterbending ice down his back (because everyone hates that feeling), but then Suki pushed in front of me and also gave Jet a tremendous, echoing slap on the other cheek and then she shouted _And that's for telling everyone you slept with me, you sad, mad fantasist_!

Cam pulled us away from Jet and admonished us for our violence. Smellerbee and Longshot went over the Jet. I thought I overheard Smellerbee say something like_ I told you this would happen _in a smug others all came pouring back in from the foyer. Jet righted himself and then said in an apologetic tone to me _Okay, I guess I deserved that from you. _He said it in such a suave voice, he seemed really sincere, he looked really handsome and...**Hell no! **I was not falling for Jet's suave act again!

Jet turned to Suki and seemed extremely put out as he said _But you – why the fuck did you slap me!? I don't even__** know**__ you!_ Suki explained that she was Suki, leader of the Kyoshi Warriors...the one Jet had been bragging about sleeping with. Jet seemed baffled and declared that she wasn't Suki. Not his Suki at least. A small argument about Suki's identity ensued. Sokka interjected into the argument by putting an arm around Suki and declaring, _this is Suki, she is the leader of the Kyoshi warriors, all round awesome badass, and my girlfriend _in this strong, firm tone that left no room for argument. Jet said that there must be two Kyoshi warriors called Suki.

Smellerbee backed Jet up and said that they had met this Kyoshi warrior called Suki when they'd all been in prison. She'd sorted a few things out for them, and made sure they got to stay together...until Jet fucked it up with her and they ended up in the 5th district Dai Li prison. She'd been about so high, with black hair. She actually looked a lot like Lee... but with boobs.

Jet, who had been nodding along with Smellerbee's support of him previously, rounded on her the second she said _Lee with boobs_. He admonished her with a very stroppy, very scolding and very indignant cry of _Smellerbee! _Smellerbee pointed out that that _Lee with boobs_ was what Jet had called her...once to her face!

Mai, who had been looking thoughtful throughout this exchange suddenly piped up with the fact that Azula had loved to wear Suki's uniform last time they were in Ba Sing Se. She said this and made an_ almost apologetic_ glance at Suki. Mai turned to Zuko and said Azula had also liked gathering information from the Dai Li prisoners about all sorts of things. She said that you never knew what would come in handy.

Azula had come back one day from one of these fact-finding missions in a thoroughly terrible mood, exclaiming that _there was a lot more than boobs that differentiated her and Zuko._ (Mai and Ty Lee hadn't known what the fuck was going on at the time and just did what they normally did when Azula had her crazy rants; they smiled and nodded along).

Zuko took one second to digest that and then just started saying no in different tones of voice. _No_ (scoffing), _No_ (disbelieving horror), _No _(forceful), _No_ (angry),_ oh fuck no _(disgusted realisation). Jet asked what was going on and who was Azula? Mai explained, in her flat voice, that Azula was "Lee's sister". How she manages to keep a straight face and even voice in these situations I'll never understand.

Jet seemed incredulous and slightly gleeful when he unwisely stated to Zuko _Dude – I __**banged **__your sister. _Zuko snapped that Jet was a motherfucker who needed to shut the hell up if he knew what was good for him. Jet obviously does not know what's good for him. He took this moment to say, with a great deal of ill-advised cheekiness _well, technically, I am a sisterfucker. _

And on that poetic note, Zuko and Jet had their second brawl of the evening.

Zuko made an indecipherable noise of just..._rage _and tackled Jet. He jumped over all of us and tackled Jet around the middle and they stacked it on the floor in this big pile of limbs near the door. All was in disarray. The fight very quickly spilled past the cells, into the foyer and out onto the street. It was _quite a fracas_, with shouting and insults and fists flying back and forth. Zuko and Jet have similar levels of agility and so it was an intense fight.

There had been a real squash in the cells as we all tried to pile out after them at the same time. Cam and Lo flung themselves into the fray and had a tough job extricating the boys from this particular fight. Lo started shouting that **they hadn't even been released for two minutes** and they were already fighting again. Sokka and Toph were shouting out encouragements to Zuko (and calling him Zuko at the same time which we weren't supposed to do). Sokka has a great dislike of Jet and was especially emphatic as he shouted **go Zuko! Kick his arse!**

Cam and Lo managed to pull the boys apart. The fight had ended, but the male posturing continued. Zuko was shouting that he was going to fucking kill Jet. Jet retaliated that he was going to kill Zuko more. Zuko said_not if I kill you first._ To which Jet replied, _No, __I'm going to kill you first and then I'm going to do nasty things to your body_!

It was just Jet's bad luck that an eerie silence settled over all of us as he said that. So his declaration of intended necrophilia echoed really loudly in the square. Everyone was more than a bit grossed out by this. Zuko took a big step backwards into Cam, and was looking at Jet with complete disgust. Iroh moved to stand protectively in front of Zuko. Toph, however was the one to voice everyone's collective feelings when she said _Dude, that is not right. _Jet looked embarrassed for a fraction of a second and started saying he hadn't meant it _like that._ Etc. but there is no way to talk yourself out of a necrophilia declaration.

You can't make necrophilia better.

Lo told Jet to just shut the fuck up and get out of here. He'd made bail, and now he needed to piss off and stop making a nuisance of himself. Then Lo looked regretfully at Zuko and said that he was sorry, but he was going to have to arrest Zuko again. There was much protesting about this. Lo said that this time he had seen the entirety of the fight. Zuko had been the sole aggressor in this instance– so he'd have to go back into the slammer.

Sokka seemed to immediately cast himself in the role of Zuko's lawyer. He pointed out that trying to kick the shit out of Jet really was _the only reasonable reaction to finding out that Jet bumped uglies with your sister._ Lo conceded that this was very true. (Jet said_ Oi _indignantlyhere. He had not yet deigned to piss off.) Lo continued that Jet** being an asshole** and **bumping uglies with sisters** is **not illegal**. However Lee trying to beat the living shit out of Jet **was illegal** in the 27th.

Sokka pointed out that from what he knew of Ba Sing Se law, in the instance of brawls – both parties had to be arrested. It wasn't really fair to arrest Zuko and not Jet. Zuko piped up that Sokka could **stop helping him** at that point. Because Sokka was going to argue Zuko back into jail with Jet. He added _I don't want__** that **__again buddy. I'd take boiling oil and midgets over Jet._

Sokka pointed out that Zuko didn't even have to take oil and midgets, or Jet or any of this shit. He was the firelord. He had diplomatic immunity for fucks sake. If he had diplomatic immunity – it just made more sense to Sokka that he use it.

There was another one of those awkward silences. Sokka didn't seem to realise that he had let the cat out of the bag. He was in full on _ideas mode_. This is why when Jet said _you're__** the what**__ now?_ Sokka just said _shut up Jet, I'm talking. _Zuko was making an aghast face at Sokka. Sokka said that Zuko shouldn't make that face at him. Sokka knew he hadn't even looked any of the information pack the Earth King had given everyone. We had all been handled these big bundles by some lackey when we arrived. But I haven't looked at it either – who has the time to look through that thudding tome of rules and regulations...aside from Sokka that is.

Sokka was on a roll about what neglectful readers we all were. Was he the only one of us who read the guide? Who read the terms and conditions? Who had even opened the pack? Zuko hadn't even opened his – Sokka knew, because it was all still wrapped up back at the Jasmine Dragon, with his Ba Sing Se peace conference ID still inside. But Zuko was lucky to have a friend like Sokka, who had brought his ID pass down, just in case.

He proffered the ID to Captain Lo. Lo took it, turned it over, read it, gasped and looked at Zuko and said_ Lee is this legit? Wait are you even Lee? or are you really the firelord? _Zuko nodded grumpily. Jet's eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

Sokka however, sensed that there was going to be a **further issue. **He said with some disgruntlement _Yes he is the firelord. But don't give me any crap about how bad the firenation is – We've all had bad things happen to us in this war, but I've seen this guy do nothing but work his arse off for peace and to make things right - So you give him some respect. _It was a sweet speech and Sokka really did mean so well. Zuko however, did not respect the speech's sweetness or good intentions right at that moment.

He told Sokka most grumpily that he had been trying to keep the whole firelord thing on the friggin downlow. Sokka said he had just solved Zuko's problem the simplest way possible. Now Zuko was off the hook and they could go look at swords and stop messing about at the guard station. Wasn't diplomatic immunity grand? He added that Zuko couldn't keep leading a double life forever. He couldn't keep pretending to be Lee – just for their benefit. He gestured vaguely at the guards and Smellerbee, Longshot and Jet when he said their benefit.

Zuko got most irate and said that it hadn't been for their benefit. It had been to avoid a **huge, giant honking big scandal.** If people in the upper ring found out that he'd been arrested for brawling in the bottom ring, then negotiations... and just plain old life ….was going to get even harder for him in the stupid upper ring than it already was. All Zuko had wanted to do was just deal with this quietly, pay the stupid fine and get the fuck out of here.

Sokka's eyes widened and he seemed to realise his error a few moments too late. He turned back to Captain Lo and tried to 'undo' what he had just done. He said _Ooh – err Captain Lo, all that stuff I said about errr, you know, Zuko being the firelord...just forget it. I was just joking. I'll take that back as well. _(He yanked the ID out of Lo's fingers here). _We'll just pay this fine quietly and be on our way. _

At that point Jet started laughing. It was a vaguely hysterical sounding laugh. It was certainly a little maniacal. Jet announced that he thought that this was some hugely elaborate joke that Smellerbee had put everyone up to. He looked at Smellerbee – but she shook her head. She'd had the most gormless expression on her face ever since Sokka let the firelord cat out of the bag.

Jet rounded on Zuko and pointed at him and said _there is no way that you're the fucking firelord! _Jet added, with a scoff _Just think, they'd have to put your face, with that hideous, nasty burn scar all over the money. That'll scare small children out of buying sweeties, that would. _

The casual cruelty of the comment made me gasp. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so heartless in such an offhand manner. I knew how sensitive Zuko was about his scars and I was not about to let Jet make fun of him for them. I reached for my bending water. I didn't know what I wanted to do with it – but I knew I wanted to do **something. **Toph was slightly quicker than me however. The ground underneath Jet jerked abruptly and he fell flat on his arse.

Zuko however, seemed completely unsurprised by Jet's comment (but not unhurt – and certainly infuriated). He said, _oh just fucking bite me Jet_ with simmering anger. Then he flashed Jet the Vs – and two little flames popped out of his extended fingers. They looked almost like little candles.

Jet's reaction was** enormous** and** instantaneous.** I do not believe I've ever seen anyone so _beside themselves_ with rage. Jet was incandescent with anger. He seemed, really, a little _unhinged._ His eyes bugged out further than they had before and he practically bellowed **I fucking knew it! **

He launched himself and Zuko with great speed and tackled him around the middle, screaming obscenities all the while. The fight was very short. Lo and Cam very quickly intervened and grabbed the boys again. But this time they had just grabbed the nearest one – so Cam ended up holding Jet and Captain Lo was holding Zuko.

It was a good thing that enormous Cam had Jet because Jet kept doing his damnedest to escape. He was kicking out and struggling against Cam's restraining hold. He was shouting things like _I'm going to fucking kill you in your sleep. __Do you know how much fucking __**gay panic**__ I went through because of you! You're fucking dead! Smellerbee, Longshot – did you see what he just did? I was FUCKING RIGHT. The whole time I was FUCKING RIGHT. I'm not crazy. You fucker – you let everyone think I was crazy. I'm going to fucking kill you in your sleep..._lather rinse repeat - several times. Jet's ranting shouts about how he wasn't crazy and had been fucking right all along – actually had the opposite affect. He really did seem a bit nuts right then.

Captain Lo said _officer Cam – can you escort Jet and his friends to the refugee centre. _Cam nodded grimly, and tightened his hold on Jet, who was still struggling and shouting. Then Cam gave Zuko the dirtiest look, full of hurt and anger. Zuko looked apologetic and tried to say something. Cam said abruptly _Don't...don't say anything! If you knew what firebenders did to...I can't believe... I gave you acting tips and everything. _

Longshot also walked over to join Cam and Jet without even looking at Zuko. Smellerbee however, seemed exceptionally pissed off. She was _quite upset. _She wandered over and tried to kick Zuko in the shin but he dodged her. Toph also moved the ground underneath her, so she tripped and fell. She looked quite pitiful for a moment, before she slapped her fist on the ground bitterly. Then she righted herself and stood up proudly. She said to Zuko in a furious tone of voice _you lying motherfucker! You were a firebender the whole time! We had tea every afternoon and you just neglected the mention that little fact. _

Zuko looked wretched in the face of her vitriol. He said that he could explain. Smellerbee said _Fuck your explanations and fuck you! I __**hate **__you! _Zuko looked like she'd slapped him when she said that. Smellerbee pointed at Jet and said with great indignation _you let me think Jet was crazy!_ Longshot went to her and put his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her. They looked at each other for a second.

Longshot lifted her chin with two fingers and said softly _well, in all fairness, Jet is nuts..._this was only the second time I had heard him speak, but his words seemed to cheer Smellerbee a little because she gave a sad little chuckle at that and nodded in agreement. Zuko gave Longshot a hopeful little look – to which Longshot replied _but you're still an arsehole _abruptly. Then he took Smellerbee's hand and said _come along Smellerbee _sweetly. Smellerbee and Longshot walked past Cam and Jet. Longshot said _come along Jet_, in that resigned tone used by Dads everywhere. And their little group trouped down an alley.

Captain Lo made Zuko wait a few minutes until the others would have been a few blocks away before he let him go. This was to ensure that there was no way that he and Jet could run into each other. Captain Lo was grim-faced and taciturn for those few minutes. At the end, Captain Lo just said that with diplomatic immunity, he had no reason to hold Zuko – so he was free to go. Lo made a dismissive little wave, gave a disappointed little head-shake and walked back into the guard-station.

-o-

Zuko was very grumpy and sullen on the way back to the train station. Iroh was most anxious to get him back to the Jasmine Dragon so that he could ladle tea down his throat (as tea cures all life's ills). I wanted to go and talk to him and comfort him – but I could see that he was in one of _those moods._

Sokka tried to cheer him up by bagging out Jet. Jet was, according to Sokka, such a prick and such a dickhead and was a fucking man-slut who would do anything with a pulse. _He's not even that picky when it comes to Zuko,_ Toph piped up (because she can't ever help herself). Zuko made a face at her.

Sokka said, in what was meant to be a reassuring tone, that if Zuko died suddenly – Sokka would **have his back,** and would make sure that Jet didn't come anywhere near the funeral. Zuko didn't appear to know quite what to say to that and just settled for _thaaaaanks?_

Conversation moved on to the unlikely pairing of Jet and Azula. This was something that really tickled both Mai and Toph's funny bone. One of the weirdest outcome of this night of fights, was the temporary cease fire between Mai and Toph. They were making jokes together about Jet and Azula without realising that they were talking to each other with civility.

Mai would say something like _They have a lot in common. Both of them are nuts and both of them have an irrational obsession with Zuko. _Toph would chime in that she couldn't even imagine what would happen if they got married. Then Jet would be Zuko's brother in law. Mai pointed out that all that would mean was that feast days would be even more awkward, what with Jet staring over the goose-turkey at Zuko and Azula and deciding which one he would try and bang later. Toph piped up _imagine if they ever had kids? _Both Mai and Toph laughed at this – but then they had a **really awkward** moment when they both realised that they had been joking with each other. Toph felt like she had to remedy this situation by sticking her tongue out at Mai and stomping over to go and walk next to Suki. So I presume that the regular hostilities will be resuming soon.

Zuko got most stroppy with them and declared that everyone had to stop talking about Jet and Azula or Jet in any configuration. Zuko hated that motherfucker to an irrational degree and didn't want to hear the J word any more tonight.

There was a sullen sort of silence, which Aang tried to "make better" with his scooter and spinning balls trick. Even though most of us have seen this trick 800 million times before, we all watched and _oohed_ and _aaaahed_ at the appropriate moments. And eventually that moved us on from the awkward silence.

-o-

Mai and Zuko broke up on the train ride back up to the upper ring. There's an odd symmetry there, I reckon – because Aang and I "broke up" on the way down. They did the same thing that Aang and I had done, and went into a the next carriage (for more privacy) after Mai said _we need to talk._

It counted for naught, because we could still hear everything that was being said. Mostly because of the shouting. Zuko shouted that everybody in that carriage needed to piss off right now– in this really commanding tone. The carriage emptied out. Ours got a lot more crowded.

Mai, in a rare display of emotion, got exceptionally cross at Zuko and asked him many variations on _what the fuck happened tonight? _She ranted a bit that she couldn't leave him alone for** five minutes.** Five minutes was all it took for him to get into fights, get into trouble and get arrested. Whenever Zuko's life turns to shit – he eat noodles and start fights. It's like his thing.

Zuko interject that he hadn't even started this fight, Jet had just been... Mai cut him off with an abrupt _I don't want to hear it. You're so impatient and hotheaded and angry. You..._then she stopped herself short and clenched her fists. She took a deep breath. Then she observed, in an entirely different tone of voice (a sad, tired tone) _This is the same fight we always have. _

Zuko seemed to realise that too. He reached into one of his jacket pockets and pulled out this little bundle of paper and started to say _look Mai... _Mai didn't let him finish. She interjected really quickly _I think we should break up. _Zuko seemed a bit surprised that she had just blurted it out like that, but he didn't disagree.

Mai shrugged and said _sorry for interrupting. I just wanted to be the one to say it first this time._ Zuko nodded. Mai continued _it's for the best if we break up, you know. We have to break up for real this time. Let's face it, it's never going to work out between us. _She said all that in this flat, even tone. But then she noticed the bundle of papers in Zuko's hand and her voice lifted in curiosity and she asked_ ….what is that? _

Zuko tried to hide the papers behind his back and say they were nothing. Mai said that if they were nothing, he could hand them over. He said that they were just boring political things. She'd be bored by them. Mai crossed her arms, and said with some exasperation _It's a list of reason why we should break up- isn't it?_ Zuko said_ no?_ in a way that made it sound like a question. Mai seemed to figure out that he was lying pretty quickly.

A small scuffle over the lists ensued. Mai really wanted to read whatever reasons Zuko had written. Zuko really didn't want Mai to read the reasons. Besides they had broken up now anyway, so what did it matter? Mai used one of her knives to pin the lists to the wall at the far end of the carriage. She then chased after them. Zuko flopped down on the seat, in resignation.

Mai pulled the lists from her knife and started reading them. She glanced over the pages and remarked _Holy crap – how long have you had this for? _Zuko said not that long. Mai said _well you've had them long enough to fucking write these __**on palm cards**__!_ with some indignation, as she gave the list a shake. A collection of palm cards fluttered to the ground. Zuko groaned and put his head in his hands, as Mai flicked through the reasons.

She'd say _this one is crap, this one is crap, this one is crap –_ as she chucked and flicked the palm cards off, willy-nilly to either side. Occasionally she found one that was really objectionable to her. This would always give us some indication on what was on the card in question. Eg _this one is REALLY crap. __**You're the one who changed**__, not me. Our unhappiness is not my fault. _Zuko got a bit defensive over that one and said that he had never said it was her fault. Mai waggled the palm card at him and said that he _friggin implied _it in writing.

She went back to flicking reasons around and declaring them crap. Until she came to the last one. She got as far as _this one is... _but then her face totally changed as she read the card. She didn't flick it away. Instead she waved it in Zuko's face and asked if he_ really meant_ this one. Zuko took a quick glance and then said _yes. _

Then I think Mai got a bit...emotional. Is emotional the right word for her? She certainly seemed to be having _feelings_ of some description.

She sat down abruptly opposite Zuko and smoothed her fringe back in a distracted gesture. Then she said, sounding a little sad _It's not possible for me _in this really sad tone. Zuko shrugged and asked why not? He said _I broke out and went off on my own, Ty Lee can do it. She joined the circus and now she's a kyoshi warrior. There are just.__**.more possibilities**__ out there._

Mai looked out the window. Zuko got up and sat next to her and said _I think you deserve to be happy Mai. You could find something out there that would make you happy. _Mai confessed, in a quiet, serious tone that she didn't think she was brave the same way that Zuko and Ty Lee were brave. Zuko disagreed. He knew she was** really brave. **He'd seen how awesome she was at boiling rock. She'd been brilliant then.

Mai seemed bolstered by that and said_ I am pretty brilliant aren't I? _She added that Sokka still hadn't given her the lifetime supply of fireflakes he'd promised her for saving all their arses back then. Zuko told her not to hold her breath for those. Sokka had promised him a lifetime supply of fireflakes**many times **and had not yet delivered. Mai made a little noise that could have almost being mistaken for a chuckle.

But she then turned from to window to ask Zuko in all seriousness, if he really thought she could do it. Zuko said he though she could do anything she wanted, if she put her mind to it. Mai said that was the problem, she could put her mind to it – but she didn't even know where to start or what she wanted.

Zuko cleared his throat and said _There's a woman coming to Ba Sing Se either tomorrow or the day after. Her name is Jun. She's a bounty hunter. She's going to help us catch some of the war criminals. But it'll be a lot of work for her on her own. She's looking for a level headed assistant who is good with projectiles. _Mai was looking at him like he had grown a second head, and he added_….just an idea for a place to start. w_ith a slight shrug.

Mai was a bit sceptical about bounty hunting. Zuko said that she had told him the most fun she'd ever had was tracking Aang with Azula. Bounty hunting would be like that, except she'd be after bad guys not a sweet kid, and it wouldn't ever be boring. It wouldn't ever have to end because there's always more bad people out there. Mai agreed that there was a plethora of jerks out there, and that people, in general, were mostly made of suckiness, with bad, nasty filling, covered in a jerkish casing.

Mai took a deep breath and looked out the window, we had just pulled into the first stop in the upper ring. She sighed and then said _Well, I'll consider it. Let me know when she gets here. _Zuko said he would. There was an odd little silent moment between them.

Then Mai said that she would get off at the next stop (which was two before ours). She added quickly that it was closer to her parent's hotel. Zuko offered to walk her. She gave him a funny sort of look and said _No need, I can manage well enough without you, I think. _Zuko nodded again – taking in her full meaning.

Mai abruptly stood up and declared _Lets not do a big goodbye thing okay. I'll just say I'll see you later. _Her voice sounded a little funny as she said that. The train pulled into the stop and she strode over to the door quickly. Just before she stepped off, she turned back to Zuko and said _Well this is it – see you later Zuko. _Then she stepped off and glided towards the exits with the crowd.

-o-

Zuko came back into our train car and flopped down across from Iroh (who was making a series of very anxious faces). Zuko glared out the window sullenly and silently for a few moments. But after he glanced around at us and took one look at his Uncle, he suddenly decided to speak. He cleared his throat and said this mostly directed at Iroh (but I think it was a little bit directed at everyone else too). _In answer to the questions I know you are going to ask; Yes- I just broke up with Mai. Yes- I am okay with this. No - I do not want to talk about it. _

Iroh offered a few things that the thought might help Zuko's mood. Tea? (no) Pai sho? (no thank you) they could go get massages – some of the spa were still open? (Hell no) Whiskey sours (no - I think I've had enough humiliation for one night Uncle, I know where whiskey sours with you leads to).

Zuko just felt like he needed to ….he couldn't seem to put it into words, he just made a frustrated gesture. Iroh however, sagely deciphered what the frustrated gesture meant. He said _the botanical gardens would be a good place for that. They've got some great open spaces and they're all locked up and empty by now. _Zuko considered this and then said that his Uncle was right.

We pulled into garden stop and Zuko got up to get off. He told his Uncle he'd be back later. Iroh seemed unperturbed by this. I, however, was wondering what the hell just happened. Wasn't Zuko coming back with us? Toph was the one who asked Iroh, in a slightly worried tone, where Zuko was going. Iroh said that he was just going to _let off some steam. _

Toph looked slightly confused at this. She turned her head towards me. _Letting off steam _had been the little euphemism that Zuko and I had used for all the times that we would spar and wrestle and just mess about on the beach. I probably hadn't needed to _let off steam _as much as I claimed I did at the time. It had become part of our daily routine. I had gotten so used to it. Back on the island, it had been one of the best bits of my day actually...letting off steam with Zuko.

I just became so enthralled by his company.

Spirits, had I loved him even then, unknowingly?

-o-

Iroh had mistaken Toph's confused face. He had tried to explain the whole letting off steam thing from his point of view. He didn't know if it was just a firebender thing, or not – but he had always noted that in times of great stress – many firebenders needed to let off some of their anger and excess emotions in the form of bending. Throwing a few fireballs was actually great for focus, perspective and calm. It was also generally quite cathartic.

In case Toph hadn't noticed, tonight had _not been a great night _for Zuko all round. Iroh thought some catharsis, calm and perspective would be good for him right now. Iroh knew enough to recognise when Zuko wanted to be alone – so he thought that giving Zuko the space to work some things out was the best course of action. Zuko'd come home, in a better mood, when he was ready.

At that point our train pulled into the last stop. District 1, stop 1, the royal palace concourse. We all disembarked. Toph and Iroh said their goodbyes and walked off towards where the Jasmine Dragon was. The rest of us walked back towards the Palace. I went with them, even though I was all kinds of worried about Zuko.

He'd seemed so out of sorts. I loved him, regardless of whether he was in a good mood or a bad mood. I wanted to make it better, but I had rarely seen him so down. Iroh had said that he knew that Zuko wanted to be alone right now. Iroh had advised me to just leave Zuko alone when he was in one of those prickly tigerdillo moods earlier. I had ignored him and gotten scratched (err...metaphorically scratched that is).

Was this the same? Should I back off now? I shouldn't follow him - should I?

I wasn't sure if this was **a prickly tigerdillo mood **– or one of his **big grey rain cloud sad moods**. When he's in those sad moods, he actually really wants someone around. Sure, he'd say he didn't and he'd always push me away at the start. But then he'd always been super glad of my company in the past. He always seemed so thankful, in his quiet Zuko way, whenever I would just _be there _and _not leave him_. The not leaving was important I reckon.

It had been that way so many times previously; when I had brought up how he got his first scar back on Ember Island, when he'd found out about how his crewmen had died in the Seige of the North, hell even as far back as the western air temple, when we used to sit in the moonpeach orchard together, and he'd told me he couldn't remember the last time someone had told him they were proud of him. What if this was like those times and he really wanted someone around, but didn't know how to ask (even after all this time).

I'd just go and check on him. It wasn't even that far back to the botanical gardens. Aang and Suki and Sokka had all gone back to their rooms; no one would notice me slip out right now. I'd just go and check and see if he really was okay. If he was okay, if he didn't want company, I would come straight back. But if he did want company, then I would be there.

-o-

The gardens were much bigger than I had expected. All different sorts of environments were recreated here, in big fields and small little nooks. There was a series of small, artificial lakes throughout the gardens. They'd been made by earthbending, not natural flowing water. This whole park had been shaped by earthbenders, to capture the variety of the Earth Kingdom; the serenity of the mountains, the hum of the plains and sway of the forest had all been brought here for a Ba Sing Se audience.

I followed the little lakes and connect streams through the park for a while before I finally found him. He was by the stream, in the part of the park that was meant to recreate the big, flat agricultural plains of the South Si Wong region. It seemed an odd choice of relaxing places for me, when there were hot springs and mountain streams somewhere in these gardens (according to the information sign at the front). Perhaps he liked it because of all the sunflowers here. They grew in abundance in the firenation. Maybe they reminded him of his home.

He was working himself hard. He was throwing fireball after fireball, and swivel kick after swivel kick and running himself through all the different stances at a ferocious pace. I just love watching him firebend. I find it so sexy. There is probably something wrong with how ridiculously sexy I find it. But I don't care. I could watch him firebend all day and never get bored. (getting horny, however, is a strong possibility).

He'd already taken his shirt off by the time I got there, and had worked up a small layer of sweat. I may have settled myself down to watch for a few...minutes. But in my defence, it was a _very entrancing and distracting sight. _His body was simply beautiful in the moonlight. Strong and agile and flexible. Sometimes he looked like he was all taut muscles and messy black hair.

I wasn't just being pervy though.

I was thinking too.

And I was thinking thoughts beyond _mmmmmhhhh_ at that!

See, he'd do this flipping move, and for a moment, I would get a full view of the lightning scar. The one in the centre of his chest, that looked almost like a sunflower itself , with the way it spiked out in all different directions. The one he'd gotten from jumping in front of a bolt of lightning for me, without even a moment's hesitation.

It had been **so awful, **seeing him get struck by lightning, seeing him fall and not get up, nearly losing him. I think a small part of me hasn't quite gotten over that yet. It was just too dreadful for me to think about. It made me too upset. So I avoided thinking about it at all costs. Whenever thoughts popped up – I pushed them sternly away.

Because I had been so resistant to even thinking about it at all, I had never really thought about what it meant; what it _actually meant _– the fact that he was willing to do that for me. Willing to die for me, when it came right down to it. There are precious few people that I would jump in front of lightning for – and all of them I love very deeply.

He must love me in some way.

Even if it wasn't in the way I wanted, it was still love.

I think in that moment, I decided that I was going to tell him how I really felt. If he could jump in front of lightning for me, I owed it to him to at least tell him how I felt about that. It would only take a little more courage than I thought I had.

The next moment however, was not the moment for romantic declarations. It was the moment that Zuko finally noticed I was sitting on the rock and being a bit of a pervy creeper. He'd seemed to have exhausted all his fireballs for the evening and had turned around to pick up his shirt when he saw me. He gave the appropriate noise of surprise and dismay – which is to be expected upon the discovery of a pervy creeper.

He ascertained that it was me pretty quickly. He asked _Katara? Is that you? _I said that it was and stepped off my rock and came over to him. He tilted his head and gave me an odd look and asked how long I'd been there for. I answered with a small white lie (oh, just a couple of minutes). He asked me what I was doing there. I said that I had just come to check that he was okay. He gave a rueful little smile and said _I've been throwing fireballs angrily for the past hour – how __**okay**__ do you think I am?_he said this most sarcastically, but he wasn't sending me away or demanding that I leave – which he would have done if he really wanted to be alone.

I tried for a soothing tone and said that I knew he wasn't that okay. I could tell from how subdued he'd been after all the shenanigans in the 27th district. But I had just wanted to see if I could do something to make him feel better. I added (accidentally again – gah I hate the way I get the **accidental blurts **around Zuko and end up coming off as a giant dork) that I would do _anything_ to make him feel better. Zuko thanked me for the offer sardonically, but said that there was nothing in the entire universe that could make him feel better about tonight.

Tonight had been a long list of one disaster after another for Zuko. He'd been arrested twice, and there would definitely be some huge scandal about that tomorrow – because there is no way that tonight wasn't going to bite Zuko on the arse again somehow._ Everyone who he had thought was his friend_ in the 27th district now **hated **him, just for being a firebender. He was already tired from everyone in the fucking peace meetings hating him for being the firelord. To top it all off - the crappy cherry on a sundae of suck– he'd had to spend what felt like an eternity trapped with Jet, who would just not fucking shut up about shagging me in a treehouse.

Ah, that had bothered him a lot from the sounds of it. He said it with a great deal of anger and jealousy. Thankfully, this was a rather easy thing for me to clear up.

I told him that he didn't need to be jealous. It really was just kissing. It was also a long time ago and I haven't felt that way about Jet in a long time. And first Zuko denied the **obvious jealousy** and said that he _wasn't even jealous and what made me even think he was jealous – he just didn't understand what I had even seen in Jet in the first place. _I wanted to be calm and comforting the whole time, but at this point, I pointed out, with some bossiness and incredulity, that he _obviously was jealous and he couldn't fool me._

He said _okay, fine, you got me! _most stroppily and then confessed that he was **so jealous he couldn't even see straight.** And just the thought of me and Jet made him want to...( he did and very frustrated action again). Zuko then blurted out the most astonishing thing. It was a total **accidental blurt**. I could tell by the way his eyes widened after he realised what he had said. But it was a wonderful accidental blurt. The sort of accident that you are very glad happened.

_I just...the thought of you with another guy really, really pisses me off. It upsets me alright! _He said all that in a quick, passionate blurt, but then he added most stridently _**I just want you**__..._My heart nearly leapt out of my chest at that. The confession of that. The enormity of it. This was major accidental blurt territory, because his eyes widened here, as soon as he put that out there.

But then he seemed to think "in for a penny, in for a pound" and kept going. He clarified _..I just want you all to myself_…and I think that it was at this point that I walked right over to him and got all up in his personal space. He didn't back away, but just started to say _and if you think that makes me petty, then... _here I cut him off with a kiss.

It was kiss that I had been waiting to give him for an exceptionally long time now – I wasn't going to wait a second longer. Not when he had just blurted out that he wanted me.

So I stood on tiptoe, took his face between my hands and kissed his stubborn, unyielding mouth.

After a heartbeat of surprised hesitation, he kissed me back fervently. One of his arms came around my waist and the other was in my hair. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to hold him tighter. And just like that, we were kissing each other passionately.

There was nothing even remotely chaste about it. From that first brush of lips, it was like a jolt went through me. I opened my lips to his, and felt his hot tongue enter my mouth. His lips were soft against mine but his tongue and his whole mouth was so warm. We seemed to take turns_ slipping each other old slurpy. _When he withdrew his tongue from my mouth, I did a little bit of exploratory tasting of my own and copied what he had done to me.

Much fun was had by all.

It was the sort of kiss you read about in _those _sort of books; an open-mouthed, passion-filled feast for the senses. I tasted him with my tongue and felt him up with my hands and smelled his Zuko smell. I had always liked how he smelled.

He pulled away for a moment and gave me a look of just astonished delight. He mouthed _what..._ and didn't seem to be able to frame the rest of that question for that second – but I knew what he was asking without saying. I told him my answer anyway. I kissed him on his cheek bone, near his ear and whispered_ I just want you too _like it was a secret. He cupped my face in his hands for a moment and gave me a long, searching, sexy look, before he kissed me again; slowly and deeply.

I got a bit handsy. I wrapped one of my arms around his shoulder, while I grabbed his arse with the other. I have a feeling that I actually have the potential to be a bit of a shameless arse-grabber when it comes to Zuko. Zuko reciprocated the arse-grabbing though – so I reckon it's fine if we are arse-grabbers together. I felt like we were skipping over all the awkward, uncertain first kiss bits – to be at passionate kissing/arse-grabbing stage already.

The awkward bits had happened with Aang, and Haru and Jet – immediately after the first kiss, where I'd just feel a little embarrassed and weird. I mean I had gotten really into it with Jet later – but I still remember having a weird moment with him. But maybe it was be different with Zuko, because kissing him felt **so right. **I had been wanting it for so long. Wanting him for so long. I felt his big hand on my bottom, and his tongue against my teeth and thought that perhaps I had never been happier than I was right at this moment.

I squeezed his arse again and tried to pull that part of him (the part that was rapidly growing harder – oh la la) as close to me and humanly possible. I had never wanted to be this close to another person...ever. Even though we were all pressed up against each other, I felt like we couldn't get close enough.

I don't know if I pulled him down on the ground on top of me – or if he pushed me down. Push, pull – what the hell does it matter? It's the same result in the end. I ended up with the cold grass underneath me, the hot boy above me and a smile on my face. Zuko started kissing my face and my neck. I made this almost involuntary moan. Him kissing my neck just felt so good that I couldn't hold a noise that sounded like _mmmmphhoooer _in.

Gran Gran would think this was wanton – but I didn't even care about that right now. In this moment, I honestly didn't care what anyone else thought.

For so long I had built up this fantasy of what it would be like to kiss Zuko in my head. I had been waiting for the ideal moment (beaches, candles, shirtlessness, sometimes a rose and always a full moon were involved). This evening in the park had not started out like the ideal moment in my fantasy.

Things were a mess, he had been pissed off and had only just broken up with Mai and there had been all this other stuff going on, and there was my tribe and maybe I should wait... but at some point I stopped thinking about all the _what ifs,_ and _other possible ideal moments_ that might be worth waiting for.

I just thought about the **here and now **and decided that it might not be the ideal moment, but that is okay. There is never an ideal moment in life. But it's much better to seize moments, and take chances and _just live_ than it is to wait for an ideal moment.

Spirits know I felt like I've already waited more than long enough already.

We were completely alone, in the middle of a locked park at midnight, there was a creek burbling softly near us and Zuko was shirtless (always a big plus in my book). More importantly, we were together in almost every sense of the word – and that was all that really mattered to me.

I thought about how Zuko had said, earlier tonight, that there was such a thing as fate – but once you get there, it is up to you to make it happen. Maybe that is true. This just felt so right – I think the spirits must want it to be this way. They must want us to be together. Maybe fate had actually brought us together long ago, but we had kept dancing around each other... like skittish ostrich race-horses. We had to make it happen for ourselves. But in a way, that makes it more honest and more meaningful.

And really, I shouldn't even be thinking about destiny and fate or the future right now. He's the Firelord and I'm the Last Southern Waterbender and our situation is _impossible _and I _know _that. So much was complicated about this – _about us doing this. _There was so much uncertainty about everything – but right now I was certain of two things. What I felt for him and what he felt for me.

I knew there was a conversation that we had to have. But there would be time for that later. There would be time to figure everything out later.

Right then, I only wanted to keep kissing him like nothing else mattered.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

* * *

the Rambles:

Lovely readers – thank you so much for sticking with me thus far. So it's happened...they're making out now. Yay! I know that some of you have been waiting for this for a very long time and I hope you feel gratified in how it happened.

Once again, huge thank you to anyone who takes the time to review! Reviewers, you know I've got nothing but love for you. It makes my day to read your thoughts, really! There were some great points brought up in reviews, which I'd like to answer for everyone. The lovely Komo-Pineseed asked about there whereabouts of Pipsqueak and the Duke and if Smellerbee and Longshot will run into them again. Short answer is perhaps they will, but probably not in this fic.

All the earthbenders who had been taken as prisoners of war got a lift back to cities in the EK on the airships. They all would have gone home. I think that Pipsqueak is probably looking after the Duke. They are trying to live a good, criminality free life.

I can see themselves setting up in one of the bigger towns, like Gaoling. I think Pipsqueak would do well doing something like private security – almost like a feudal bouncer. Smellerbee and Longshot are trying to turn their lives around in Ba Sing Se now. Maybe in a few years time, they might take a little holiday or try to relocate to a different city and run into Pipsqueak and the Duke.

Totally random question: the FN takes heaps of prisoners of war. The EK takes no prisoners. Why? What's going on there? I have a theory, but I would love to hear yours.

Fullmetal Wetback asked me ages ago, in reviews to 'the commonsense stick collection' how much Sokka knew about homosexuality/ Piandao being gay. And I never got around to answering you properly – sorry lovely!

But I agree that homosexuality would be fiercely discouraged in the water tribes, with their very traditional, patriarchal society and everything. No one in the WT would identify as a homosexual out of fear of recriminations and ostracism. In such a community-loving tribe, ostracism would be an incredible punishment. As a result of this Katara and Sokka think that there are no homosexuals in their tribe , however I think that would be untrue. I think that anyone in that situation would stay closeted and suppress themselves.

Katara has got to learn a lot more during her work at the hospital – but Sokka is only just finding out about all this stuff now. He'll find out about Piandao's orientation later. I think he'd be initially a little perturbed _(they put what where?_) But that wouldn't last for long. Sokka does have such a big tolerant heart – I can see him adopting a _live- and let live_ philosophy.

I think Aang would be behind the 8 ball with lots of colloquial slang and terms about sexuality. He's a bit behind in the slang anyway (hotman anyone?) so all these weird words that get thrown about and strange euphemisms go over his head a bit. But I think he has a basic understanding of sex, gender, and other sexualities. It would be the version of sex and gender and other sexualities that was taught to him by the monks – so it might be slightly skewed. But I imagine that Aang will be very tolerant. I mean he came from a race that had big **seeding **orgies_ – _so I don't think he'd be uncomfortable with the idea of two men or two women being together.

Jet and Zuko have spent some time in prison together and there is much ado. Jet would have banged on and on about shagging Katara in a treehouse, because he could see that it really annoyed Zuko. Then he would have listed his conquests to prove that he does not fancy Zuko. Zuko would have remained unconvinced and there would have been much bickering. I just love writing these two together. Jet is such an infuriating crazy jerk – but he can also lay the charm on thick when he wants to, and he wants to frequently. That is just a hilarious combination to play off someone as uptight as Zuko.

The lovely Irako of the desert noted that there is a bit more swearing when Jet is around. This is true. I think that Jet would swear a lot and the other characters, especially Zuko, find that they swear more around him. Jet also brings out Zuko's really immature, indignant and impulsive side – hence the firebending Vs and revealing himself.

Oh the Vs is a very rude hand gesture in my part of the world – if you were wondering. It is way ruder than the rude finger, which can be playful in certain contexts. But the Vs always mean _fuck you. _

Also - Zuko's my patience = your virginty is a shout out to scrubs. Dr Cox's analogy of his patience as virginity just made me laugh and laugh when I saw it. It was just too perfect not to use, so it made its way in.

What really happened between Jet and Azula I will leave up to my lovely readers imaginations.

Anyway, I think that these boys will keep running into each other throughout their lives – and this will really annoy them at first, but then they will resign themselves to it. Eventually their animosity will cool into one of those weird man friendships that happen after two guys have beaten each other up a whole bunch. I have witnessed this phenomenon but can not pretend to understand it. The lovely Alyssa likened it to a _grumpy old men_ sort of situation and I couldn't agree more.

But that will be years and years in the future and there is still an arseton of animosity ahead of us. Jet will now be in an absolute tizzy of self-righteous anger (I was right etc). But he is going to find an absolutely ingenious way to get back at Zuko next chapter.

Also, on a slightly sadder note – I tweaked the whole ' Zuko alone' ending and had the same thing replay with Zuko and Smellerbee. I think it would get to him a lot. More than all the generic hatred he would have come across – receiving the personal hatred of a kid would feel terrible. He helps these kids out of the goodness of his heart and he thinks that they like him, but the second they find out who he really is, they hate him for it.

The South Si Wong region in the botanical gardens would be the most similar to where Lee's village was – and I think that Zuko would have been reminded strongly of that day – and another kid who hated him for being a firebender. However there is going to be much more about the anti-firenation feeling in the EK coming up in future chapters, so I wont ramble on too much here.

Mai and Zuko broke up in this chapter. Zuko wrote palm cards for the occasion. I used Mai's dialogue from their first on screen break up in "the beach." this was just to illustrate that all their fights really are essentially about the same thing. The gaping incompatibility of their personalities. you can only fight about the same thing so many times. Their relationship had simply run it course.

I think it would be an fairly amicable split. They have been drifting from each other for a long time now and they just have irreconcilable differences of personality. I think both of them knew this was coming (that's why Zuko prepared lists). But they have been breaking up with each other in so many little ways prior to this conversation, that it just comes as no surprise. I want them to friends again eventually, because they do genuinely like and respect each other, but they were never meant to be lovers.

But the upside is that Jun will be be back next chapter! She will still be looking for a level headed apprentice who is good with projectiles. Mai will get to have a little taste of the bounty hunter life – and she will decide that it suits her. She will take the first step on the road to becoming the fabulous badass she was always meant to be and there will be some cracks in her constant apathetic facade.

Also Maiko finally absolutely calling it quits meant that the time had come for the Zutara smoochies. I just couldn't ever see Zuko cheating on Mai. So we had to wait for them to break up. The timing is a bit unfortunate, because he's making out with Katara less than two hours later. However, I feel that the time had well and truly come for those two to just _go for it_ already. They both been wanting to do sexy things to each other for a very long time now, and there was a lot of pent up tension that needed to be released. Letting off steam indeed.

Because I love lame puns – I had always intended for them to kiss around a letting off steam incident...because steam! Geddit? He's a firebender and she's a waterbender and...okay I am ashamed.

There is still a some more chapters left of this fic – so we will get to see how Zuko and Katara settle into a relationship together and find their rhythm – because I am not a huge fan of the _BIG KISS – now everything is perfect and roll credits _thing that happens in rom-coms.

I mean Zuko and Katara's situation is not as simple – because they can't just kiss and have the world magically turn into a better place. And I always get a bit...not quite disappointed, but definitely a little curious, when things end on a kiss or sex. I always want to know what happens to the couple afterwards. The first kiss/sex shouldn't always be the end. So it's not here. I'm going to explore some of the things I think would make Zutara work as a couple, and some of the likely issues they will have in the coming chapters.

This means there will be more smexy times from here on out. However, writing smutty bits is really not my area – so you might have to put up with some dodgy prose. Anyway – I want to challenge myself and my writing, so I'm going to have a go at putting touchy-feely bits in every chapter from now on. But concrit in this area would be great!

So they finally kissed on some random thursday night in a park. Because I didn't think a big melodramatic thing (with violins/actual fireworks/etc) would fit either the characters or this story. I find some of those big kiss scenes, where fireworks go off in the background and everything is perfect...a little unrealistic. First kisses are often spur of the moment things. The moment doesn't often lend itself to pyrotechnics.

Also, the sexual tension was just reaching ridiculous levels and I reckon they'd seize the first viable opportunity that came their way. In my head canon, they'd practically just throw themselves at each other first chance. Zuko and Katara have been dancing around this for months and they are both horny teenagers. They are alone. They are both single. They finally have some uninterrupted privacy. Kissing shenanigans ensue.

I know I have written them like they are awkward dorks who are dorks around each other – but I don't know if that awkwardness would translate into kissing. I don't think the kissing between them would actually be that awkward. I mean they've both kissed people before and so they aren't completely unpractised in this art. They want each other intensely and have wanted each other for a long time. Also they have such great team work and such a great understanding of each other's physicality - they really know how the other person moves their body. This knowledge of eachother's physicality is why they make a great fighting team and why I think they'll be very sexually/romantically compatible. So I can see their first kiss being relatively easy and very rapidly increasing in intensity.

The big challenge for Zuko and Katara isn't going to be the kissing – it is going to be keeping the kissing a secret.

They will try to keep it a secret next chapter. Also next chapter, there will be a Halloween party of sorts, (yay holiday chapter) there will be a big scandal, Jun will be back, Sokka will make stress balls, there will be shenanigans and slander, people will have to be reminded to use their inside voice, Jet and Katara will have a really interesting conversation – and in short, shenanigans will ensue.

Til then my lovely readers...


	18. Technical truths and other white lies

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Technical truths and other small white lies

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

We ended up kissing and mucking about and groping each other like handsy perverts in the park for ages and ages. I don't even know how long. It felt like a single second and it felt like a million years at the same time. I have found out that Zuko really likes it when I rub my hands up and down his back while we are kissing in a slow and sensuous manner. He does not like to be tickled mid-kiss. (this is apparently_ just plain sneaky)_. Much time was devoted to researching these two things.

Periodically one of us (normally me) would say something like_ we should talk. _Zuko would agree and say that talk was a good idea. So you'd think that after coming to this agreement, some sort of "Talk"* would ensue – but you'd be **wrong. **Invariably, any attempt at "talking" would be superseded by more kissing. At the start I will admit that I didn't press the "talk", because **Boo talking,** when kissing is an option.

*By "talk" neither of us meant, you know, the actual physical act of just opening your mouth and letting words come out. No, we meant a TALK talk.

But after a while, I felt like I had to just catch my breath a second. My heart was hammering a million miles. I was on top at this point, and I propped myself up on my elbow to get a better look at his face. He had the most dazed expression and the dopiest smile on his face. For a moment we just looked at each other silently, until I brushed some of his hair out of his face with my free hand.

I asked him what he was thinking right now. He just had a one word answer. Wow. I don't know, I had been expecting more than _wow. _I was thinking a million different things at once. _Just wow?_ I queried. He nodded and said _just wow. _Then he added that he wasn't sure if his brain had caught up yet, because he'd come to this park tonight expecting to just throw fireballs around. He hadn't been expecting...

I knew what he meant. I hadn't been expecting this either.

I had just been expecting to make him feel better.

He gave me a cheeky grin and said that I had certainly done that. He'd come here feeling like tonight was one of the worst nights ever, but now... He paused here and just**looked** at me again. I think I must have been very looking at him very expectantly. _And now._.. I prompted him eagerly. He gave me an _I'm-so-wily_ grin before saying with unwise cheekiness _Well now it's not __**so bad.**_**...**

Not so bad?!

He was tickled for that in retaliation. But the tickling quickly turned into shameless groping, (I'm not even sorry) and shameless groping turned into more kissing.

But Zuko pulled away after moment. He had his earnest face on. He asked, in a more heartfelt tone of voice, _Seriously though – are we really doing this?_ He made a little gesture between us to indicate _this._ On the surface it seemed like he meant all the face-sucking that we had just been doing. But I could tell from the sincere look on his face that he meant more than that. By _this _he was indicating at what kissing like this normally lead to; a relationship and all that that would entail. That idea was a bit to large for a word like _this _– but I understood anyway.

I very enthusiastically gave him my answer – which was pretty much; yes, we most certainly are doing this.I told him in words and kisses and gropes. Until he couldn't possibly mistake my answer for anything else. He halted the kissing and the groping again. He had a second salient question. _How's this even going to work?_

There were many obstacles to _this_ and _making this work_ in Zuko's opinion. He outlined the very ills that I had mentioned earlier tonight. The big worry for Zuko was the attitude of my tribe:

to women,

to women dating,

to women dating foreigners,

to foreigners in general,

and especially to foreigners from the firenation.

My tribe has VIEWS on all these things. Views that would not bode well for me and Zuko.

I pointed out that it was hardly likely that anyone in the firenation was going to dance about in the fire-lily fields for joy either, at the prospect of_ us_ and _making this work. _The firenation is not exactly known for its _tolerance of other races_ after all.

I knew that the firenation has a big belief in its superiority in all things. They looked down on foreigners even more than my tribe did. I know that they view the water tribes as barbarians. Sure they might have more relaxed attitudes to dating and a better opinion of women – but that didn't mean that anyone would be happy that their new firelord had taken up with a barbarian.

Zuko pointed out that this was what he meant. How was this even going to work? As soon as our respective nations found out, _the shit would hit the fan_. He had a small melodramatic moment when he listed all possible consequences of our nations finding out and the shit hitting the fan. My country would flip out! The firenation would flip out! Everything would be terrible and the peace

negotiations would be thrown off kilter by irate idiots.

This is possibility.

Then Zuko continued with his melodramatic vision of possible consequences for _this. _My dad would probably try and kill him in some dastardly, devious fashion that Zuko would never see

coming (because my Dad is the wiliest man alive according to Zuko). Then he'd be dead and then the firenation would descend into civil war and chaos. Then the war would restart. Then Aang would have to defeat whoever the new firelord was, less than a season after defeating Ozai, and that would make Aang so pissed off that he would go into the avatar state and kills us all accidentally.

This is not possibility.

But I humoured him and listened along – until he got up to the bit about Aang killing everyone accidentally. Absurdity aside, I couldn't help but teasingly point out that Aang would be killing Zombie-Zuko then, because Zuko was already dead in this hellish, ridiculously over-dramatic, apocalyptic vision. Zuko agreed that his theory might need a teensy bit of revising – but his main point still stood. He concluded by saying _when everyone finds out – we are so screwed! _

I pointed out that this was exactly why he was the pessimist and I was the optimist out of the two of us. I had a much more positive outlook on things. Yes, things could get bad if people found out now (I mean there is no refuting that). But what would happen if people didn't find out?

We could try keep _this_ a secret. That was always an option.

We were both sneaky ninjas who were sneaky. Zuko certainly had a talent for slipping in and out of places unnoticed. He had taught me well and I was already fairly wily to begin with. If we picked times when nobody would notice our absence – say after 10 pm tomorrow (for a random example), and if we were to pick places where there was no one else around – say the waterfall section of this park (for another completely random example), then there was absolutely no reason why_ this _could not continue.

It would just have to continue in secret. During the day we would just pretend like everything was the same, and no one should be any the wiser. We'd just act like we normally did around each other. But at night, we could both sneaky out and ….you know..._do this. _(I gestured between us here as well). I bit my lip before asking Zuko _what do you think?_

It was a weighty question. If _this_ happened again, it wouldn't be the result of an impulsive, reckless kiss that went further than it should have because we both got a little carried away in the moment and couldn't help ourselves. We'd never be able to dismiss what had just happened as such if _this_ happened again.

It would be premeditated.

It would be because we planned it.

It would be because we really wanted _this_ and were willing to sneak around and risk things for the chance at being together.

I'd given him a pretty clear opening to turn me down if he wasn't up for _this_. Or if he didn't think it was worth the risk. He paused, for a fraction of a second, in thought. I think my heart was in my throat at this point. If he said no, it was too much or too hard or too risky – I think it would have broken my heart into a squillion little pieces. Then he smiled at me softly and said that he'd see me tomorrow night in the waterfall section and gave me a nice slow kiss.

That kiss was special I reckon. It felt like a promise of some sorts. We could promise each other tomorrow night, at the very least.

Zuko pulled away first and said that if we wanted to keep this a secret, we'd probably have to head off now. He should get home soon. His uncle had taken to waiting up for him recently (boo uncle waiting up!) – and Zuko had been gone so long now that this would already count as the world's **longest **firebending training session. If Zuko was gone any longer, his Uncle would have kittens, be suspicious and ask a million questions. Zuko wanted to avoid all three things.

-o-

We held hands all the way until we got near the palace gates. That was nice.

-o-

I slept in a little because I'd had such a late night. I woke up ridiculously and incredibly happy. It feels like the whole world is new and shiny and beautiful. But I had to downplay my good mood in the interest of secret keeping. Sokka, Dad and Aang were still at the breakfast table and noticed my ridiculously good mood anyway (Sokka remarked that it was creepy to see me so happy in the morning). I had to make up some lie about a great dream I had where_ the entire world was made out of stewed seaprunes._ Sokka and Dad understood why this would leave me elated. Aang looked a little disgusted at the prospect.

I then noticed that Sokka was filling up what looked like a series of small money pouches with rice at the breakfast table. This is very unusual behaviour for Sokka to begin with – but it is especially bizarre at a breakfast buffet. Sokka's normal breakfast buffet behaviour is to shovel as many pork buns as possible into his mouth until they stop putting them out. (Sokka sees all buffets as **a challenge **of some sorts.)

I queried what he was doing. Sokka explained a bit sheepishly that he was making a present for Zuko. This immediately caught my full attention – as all things relating to Zuko normally did. But I was really confused. Money bags filled with rice had to be the oddest present ever. Who would want that?

Sokka said that they weren't really money bags filled with rice (but they really were!). According to Sokka, they were **stress balls.** They were meant to help with stress. He and the mechanist had been exchanging letters and something the mechanist had given him the idea. He decided to make some for Zuko because today was going to be massively stressful for him.

Okay Sokka had filled like eight money bags with rice already – just how stressful was this day going to be?

Sokka looked very sheepish here and explained that it kinda, sorta might be a little Sokka's fault. Did I remember how Sokka had opened his big mouth last night and how Zuko had been a bit pissed off because he was worried about a scandal? Well it turns out that worry had been well-founded. Sokka had already been out this morning (for a mysterious purpose – he was quite cagey about his errand).

On his mysterious errand, Sokka had over heard the latest gossip that was making the rounds. The story of last night's shenanigans had been conflated beyond all reason. Depending on who you talked to, last night Zuko had gone on a rampage that started in the destruction of teashops in the upper ring, and culminated in Zuko being arrested twice in the refugee districts... along with his former gay lover Jet, for shagging in an alley.

Bollocks!

I inhaled sharply along with Aang. Aang spoke first and said _Zuko is not going to take that well at all._ Which is the understatement of the century. Sokka pointed out that he knew this already! That was why he was making stressballs. Aang pointed out that Sokka would need a **lot more balls** to make Zuko less stressed about this.

Dad asked what a gay lover was.

Awkwardness over the breakfast table abounded.

-o-

Sokka's awkward explanation of gay lovers and the shenanigans of last night was interrupted by Pakku. Thank goodness! During Sokka's awkward explanation which he managed to spill the beans to Dad _all about me and Jet and our treehouse goings-on last year._ Boo Sokka's big mouth! Boo! My Dad is displeased about this and is making **that face** at me. But I was saved by the Pakku.

Pakku came in to ask us to write a letter to Gran Gran. He was a bit grumpy. He had just received a letter back from her which requested that we write to her. Gran Gran's letter was only a few lines long.

_Stop sending me these mangy birds with soppy notes you old besom and come home! I'm not writing back to you because I don't know how make these mangy birds work for their supper. Are Sokka and Katara there yet? Tell them to write to me as soon as they arrive. _

Pakku was a bit cross about this, due to the inherent fallacy in the letter – because she obviously did know how to send a messenger hawk after all. I had to stifle a giggle when I read Gran Gran's missive. That was the _silent treatment:Gran-Gran style _in a nutshell. There was no point in not talking to someone unless they know you are not talking to them.

Pakku thinks that Gran Gran was just feeling uncooperative and cranky because his last letter said that he would be staying until after the peace conference. He had previously promised her to be home by Samhain. (which is just around the corner – goodness how fast times flies).

Also Pakku knew for a fact that she **loved** the birds! He sent her so many hawks and had gotten so few replies. Now he had found out, from Nooha (Pakku's mate and one of the other Northern benders who had gone down to help our tribe rebuild), that she was keeping them all like pets. Nooha had built her a coop for them and everything. She was trying to train them to catch fish instead of send messages.

Nooha said that he never knew that a birds had _expressive faces_ before. Who knew a bird could look_ that _confused. But so far, Bubbles, Bobbles and Pecker (these are the names that Gran Gran has bestowed upon previously very proud birds) had all proven to be very capable on the fishing front.

I giggled at that as well.

Goodness Sokka and I had never really thought about the possibility of sending Gran Gran letters and receiving replies. We tried with Hawky but he had refused to go to the South Pole. Pakku was using the messenger hawks left here by the occupying army and they didn't have a problem taking orders.

Sokka started writing a letter to Gran Gran, but Pakku wanted to talk to me a moment. I have shied away from one-on-one conversations with Pakku, since our last disastrous chat. But the conciliatory way he opened the door on the balcony for me showed that he wanted to put that dreadful argument behind us.

Pakku just wanted to ask me how sure I was about going back to the firenation to learn medicine. I was **absolutely sure. **( Especially in light of current developments!) Pakku sighed sadly and asked if there was anything he could say to change my mind. He knew how much Gran Gran loved and missed me and Sokka.

Pakku is worried about Gran Gran being all alone in the South Pole on her own. He thought she was keeping the birds as pets because she was lonely – he had never meant to be away from her for so long. If I didn't come home soon, it would just break her heart.

And now Sokka had started making rumblings about wanting to stay on Kyoshi to learn engineering. (Ohh did he now? This is the first I've heard of it actually). Pakku was unimpressed with Sokka's plan. This was just a blatant lie according to Pakku. There's no reason to learn engineering on Kyoshi. Pakku thought that if Sokka was going to make a stupid-ass decision over a girl, he should be man enough to admit that was the reason why. Young people, _making stupid ass decisions because they were getting some hoochy_ drove Pakku crazy.

I told Pakku that I'm sure Sokka had other good reasons and he and Suki worked well together. Moreover, I was not staying in the firenation for a boy (this is only a partial lie and that made it easier to say with a straight face). I was staying because learning medicine really was important to me. He had taught me how to become a master bender in a record amount if time. I was quick and I was clever. I was sure I could learn medicine at a fast pace...so we wouldn't have to be away from Gran Gran for so long. He would be home with her soon, so she would be less lonely.

Sokka and I might not come home straight away, but we could always come home for holidays and birthdays and things.

Pakku seemed a bit disappointed in my answer. But he didn't push it. He just said that he could see that my mind was made up and he_ knew what I was like_ when my mind was made up. The gong went to tell everyone that it was time for the meetings to start. Pakku took a second to remind me to write to Gran Gran before he walked back towards the rest of the tribe.

-o-

The day passed in a real blur. I was with the Joo Dees – but my mind was a million miles away. My mind was with Zuko and what it had been like to kiss him (mmmmmhhh) and the fact that we would be meeting up again for more kissing later tonight (double mmmmhhhh). I couldn't really concentrate because unbidden images and flashbacks to last night kept popping into my mind.

I'd treating this tall Joo Dee and suddenly I'd start thinking about how much taller than me Zuko was and how he'd had to bend slightly to kiss me last night. Or I'd sooth a Joo Dee's shoulders and then inadvertently start thinking about how I had run my hands up and down Zuko's bare back, starting at his shoulders and working _downwards. _At lunch I had a moonpeach, but I inexplicably spent almost the whole time thinking about his cute butt.

But there were other, less pleasant thoughts that kept crowding into my brain. Thoughts about Gran Gran and how she was lonely and missed us and missed Pakku. I should want to go back and see her.

I should write to her at least.

Guilt pricked my conscience there. I had tried to write to her, I really did, before I started my shift. But nothing came out. I wanted to tell her so much. I wanted to tell her nothing. I didn't even know what I wanted to tell her. All I knew was that every time I tried to start a sentence to her – I couldn't find the words.

I think it was because I knew whatever I wrote to her would be partly a lie – even if it was a lie by omission. I had never previously lied to Gran Gran. We used to tell each other everything. She'd smile at me, her warm Gran Gran smile and we did all the chores together and we'd talk. Or I'd talk and she'd listen. She was full of advice, ice wisdom and a rather cheeky sense of humour which hardly anyone got to see.

She was my Gran Gran, the woman whose firm hand and bossy voice had always guided me and Sokka while we were growing up. She was the one encouraged us to go after Aang, all those months ago. The one who handed us sleeping bags loaded full of supplies and told us we had a long journey ahead of us.

I missed her too.

But I did not miss her enough to want to move back to the south pole for good for her. I felt bad for that... but not as bad as I should have. Then I felt guilty because I didn't feel as bad as I thought I should. It was an odd sort of frustration.

And what was with Sokka and moving to Kyoshi?

He had never said a thing to me about it. I knew that where they were going to settle down was a big bone of contention between Suki and Sokka. They loved each other so much – but where could they live?

Sokka had a responsibility to our tribe as he was the next chief in line. Suki had a duty as the leader of the Kyoshi warriors. Suki had point-blank refused to countenance the idea of moving south until the tribal attitudes to women changed a little. But I didn't think that Sokka moving to Kyoshi would be a good solution either.

Sokka's like me. He has to be active. He has to be doing _something. _Sokka is actually brilliantly clever – though I hardly ever tell him. He is good at coming up with inventions already (even if some of his inventions are a little impractical and only ever remain in his imagination). But I imagine how great he could be with a little study. Pakku was right that Kyoshi was not the right place to learn engineering. Ba Sing Se or Caldera would be the cities he'd have to go to – because they both have big, well-equipped universities.

Ooh - maybe I could talk him into coming back to the Firenation with me! Then we could both study together.

Though that wouldn't work very well if Suki didn't come with us. He'd miss her too much. Suki might want to come, but I think all her warriors are ready to go home. They aren't obligated to Zuko any more now that Za Jei has taken over the guards. There's no reason for the Kyoshi Warriors to come back to Firenation. I know that many of them are terribly homesick.

Suki is so attached to them and she feels so maternal about them. She won't leave them. But Sokka can't go to Kyoshi just for Suki. There's nothing else for him on the island. I know him and I know that he'd go stark raving mad not doing anything.

It is a pickle for them.

Between thinking about Zuko and Gran Gran and Sokka – it is a wonder I got any healing done at all.

-o-

The day passed in a big whirly blur and before I knew it, I was back at the dinner table with Pakku, Dad, Sokka and Aang. Pakku is trying to "be a family" with us. He is trying to bridge the gap between the North and South by alternating meals between Dad and Arnook, who have had some sort of falling out at lunch today.

In fact it sounds like **a bad day for diplomacy** all round.

The fight started when Arnook suggested that losing Yue was more painful for him than losing Mum was to Dad. This is the sort of fight that gets _very bitter _in an instant. No one wins in these arguments. How can you even measure or compare the pain from such loses?

It came about because Arnook is "disgusted" by Dad's attitude to the firenation and his and Iroh's friendship (also the fact that Iroh had Dad have come up with some sort of unofficial trade agreement over drinks that will be very beneficial to our tribe). Arnook could not believe that Dad would contemplate a friendship with the firenation _after everything. _

Coexistence and cooperation are **two very different things** to Arnook. He is willing to embrace the former – but the devastating loss of Yue meant that he could never countenance the latter. The fact that Dad could cooperate with the firenation meant that he must not feel the losses from the war as keenly as the North did.

There was an very angry argument. Pakku has been trying to smooth things over between them ever since.

Things sound like they haven't gone much better for Zuko or Suki either.

Zuko has apparently broken/exploded/thrown all the stressballs Sokka made him. At least three times he practically exploded rice all over the firenation section of the negotiations. He pegged the final one at General Fong's head (this one exploded rice all over the earth kingdom side of the hall). Sokka is trying to think up a less explosive substance to put in the middle of the next batch he makes.

Who knew that rice could puff like that when it got superheated?

There has been some sort of shenanigan in Two Rivers colony overnight. An uprising of some description. There are three different factions; firenation loyalists, earth kingdom loyalists and those who want independence. There is about even numbers of each – so no group has a clear majority. There was much arguing about what was to be done and who should go in to sort it out.

Kuei – in a rare display of action, has forthrightly refused the idea of a firenation peace keeping force going in to "keep the peace". Indeed everyone in the Earth Kingdom side found the idea of a firenation peace keeping force rather laughable. Kuei suggested that the Earth Kingdom could sort it out and maintain order– as historically that land was the Earth Kingdom.

Zuko completely rejected the suggestion. Historically the land was Earth Kingdom, but currently it was sovereign firenation land. Zuko had a responsibility to protect the colonies – and he had seen what the Earth Kingdom did to its citizens. He knew all about the Dai Li and how they "maintained order". Two Rivers deserved protecting from the Earth Kingdom notion of "keeping the peace".

Much arguing erupted on all sides of the negotiation amphitheatre.

Aang tried to make it better and got Toph to jumble everyone's seats to get people to shut up. Aang suggested that the Firenation and the Earth Kingdom could do a _peace and harmony circle _and come up with a solution.

A peace and harmony circle means that everyone holds hands and thinks peaceful thoughts. Aang looked a bit sheepish here when Sokka explained to me how he had insisted everyone holds hands (the usual suspects were very reluctant). Aang explained that it was the only thing he could think of at the time. The monks used to make squabbling kids do it at the air temple until they were friends again. Besides, it was better than everyone shouting at each other over who was the bigger asshole.

Suki actually came up with what sounded like a good solution to me (though it is probably not good for her and Sokka). She volunteered that Kyoshi was a completely neutral country for the entirety of the war – the Kyoshi warriors were highly trained, but also highly ethical. They could keep the peace between the three factions in Two Rivers, until a more permanent solution could be reached.

Suki has now copped **a lot of flak** for Kyoshi's neutrality during the war from various members of the Earth Kingdom. It has been suggested that Kyoshi will be no help whatsoever in putting down an uprising, considering that they were no help whatsoever during the war. Neutrality is seen as the **height of cowardice **by General Fong. Zuko pegged the final stressball at his head at the same time that Sokka called him an arseface and dickhead. The stressball exploded puffed rice all over the Earth Kingdom Generals upon impact with Fong's face.

And on that note, the meeting was adjourned.

Well that sounds eventful.

-o-

After dinner, I took Aang out into the garden. I congratulated him for being proactive in the meeting and trying his best to keep the peace. I think Aang really stepped up today – and he should be praised for that. Aang thanked me, but still seemed so down. He felt like he was failing as an Avatar because he couldn't get anyone to agree. He didn't know who was right either. Both Zuko and Kuei were right – but one of them had to **right** right and Aang didn't know who it was.

Sokka joined us soon after. He'd just had a chat with Pakku. Pakku has also put the guilt trip on Sokka about coming home to the South Pole with him. Pakku says there is no reason for Sokka to go to that island of mad women. While it is good for boys to _sow their wild oats_ – sowing your wild oats has a time and a place. Sokka's sowing has to finish before there is any "fruit" from his "plantings".

Am a bit grossed out by that analogy just quietly. And a bit miffed that Pakku sees it as okay for Sokka to sow wild oats with gay abandon, provided there are no kids. I am sure that any mention of me doing doing some oat-sowing of my own would probably have him reaching for the smelling salts.

Sokka has told Pakku that there is more than oat sowing between him and Suki. Pakku has told Sokka point blank that unless Suki was willing to move to the South with him, he'd need to forget her and find and nice Tribal girl. He was going to be chief after all. He'd have to make the south his home eventually.

Sokka was making another stressball while he relayed all this – out of dirt this time. When he had finished recounting his conversation with Pakku, he threw the stress ball at the nearest tree **really hard.** It bounced off and Sokka went to go pick it up. He started squeezing it again.

Apparently that really did help.

I tried to make him feel better and said all the soothing things. It'll work out. Pakku did the same guilt trip to me too. I miss Gran Gran as well, but there is so much for me to do in the world that I can't go home permanently just yet. Sokka is the same – and if he doesn't want to go home, if he wants to learn things and stay with Suki then that is fine.

Sokka said that he wanted to be with Suki, but he couldn't follow her to all the places she might be going. There wasn't any place for him in Two Rivers, just like there wasn't any place for him on Kyoshi. But Suki'd be so great at leading a peace-keeping. There didn't seem to be many other options for Two Rivers anyway. Suki had obviously wanted to do it when she volunteered herself and the warriors.

Sokka wanted to support her – but he knew that this could mean that they would have to split and try doing the distance thing. Sokka didn't know if the distance thing would work. Aang offered that it was the evening of_ the thin veil _coming up – and he could ask the airnomads about long distance relationships.

Sokka and I were confused by this pronouncement.

The evening of the thin veil was the start of the Airnomad festival of birth. It marked the cyclical and transient nature of life – and that every birth will lead to an eventual death. But because the airnomads believe in re-incarnation, every death also leads to a new life. On the evening of the thin veil the barriers between our world and the spirit world are at their thinnest.

The Airnomads believe that the spirits would give blessings to the new life that was about to be born, in exchange for sweet offerings. Aang and the other monks would pile shrines full of custard tarts on veil-o-eve. The temple elders used to try and commune with the spirits of the past. On veil-o-eve anyone could talk to the spirits... and any spirit could talk back.

In fact, last veil-o-eve, Roku had appeared the Jeong Jeong completely of his own accord – Aang didn't have to do anything to summon him or even be in a temple. Roku was still able to appear to someone who wasn't the Avatar and have a proper conversation with him.

Because the veil was at its thinnest – Aang wanted to try and talk to all the past airnomads. This had always been tricky because none of them had been Avatars. (So does that mean that Aang has tried to talk to them before without success?) Aang wanted to talk to Gyasto again. He wanted to find out if he really was the last air nomad.

The airnomads were so used to travelling long distances to see each other – maybe Gyasto would have some advice for Sokka about starting a long distance relationship. Aang could ask him, on Sokka's behalf. Sokka however, was most intrigued by the idea that anyone could talk to the spirits like they were right next to you.

He asked many questions about that.

-o-

When everyone was asleep – I snuck out like the sneaky ninja I am and ran to the botanical gardens. Zuko was waiting for me. His eyes lit up when he saw me come around the trees. We practically flung ourselves at each other in that first second. We made out against one of the boulders on the fake mountain. At first it was an _oh-my-gosh-I-have-to-have-you-__**now**__-kiss,_ full of tongues and

hands and gropes. It was very intense.

The kissing is just as great and wonderful as it was last night. But it was even more exciting tonight. I don't know, maybe the whole **sneaking out **aspect makes it more exciting. The fact that we have to keep this monumental secret, and we don't get to just openly be with each other makes our time together more precious.

Just as great as the kissing was the talking, but we've always been good at this part. In between kisses, we talked about our days and our woes. We listened to each other and made each other feel better, just like we have always done before. I am glad that this bit of our relationship has stayed constant even though we are now_ slipping each other old slurpy_ at regular intervals.

Zuko'd had a horrible day, destroyed nine stress balls, heard the most ridiculous rumours, got into a giant argument with Kuei and Fong, and had to put up with the fact that he'd just vindicated the Dowager's claims that he was a rude bastard; because he'd pegged a stress ball right at Fong's face in the middle of a peace meeting. Context aside, that was just rude. Pegging stress balls at someone was rude and bad. Proving that someone was right about you all along **was worse. **He said that Iroh,Toph and Jee hadn't been surprised when he claimed that he wanted to let off some steam this evening.

I told him all of my woes; about Sokka and Suki, and Gran Gran and feeling guilty about not feeling worse and I still haven't written that letter. I couldn't help by wonder to myself, what would I say to Gran Gran about _this? _

_Dear Gran Gran, you remember that cute guy who attacked our village? Well I totally dig him and now we make out in secret... in parks... late at night...and I dress in my most clingy dress for the occasion. _

I told Zuko about how she had been collecting the messenger hawks and trying to train them to fish. Pakku was worried that she was getting lonely and he put the guilt trip on me hard core, about going home to see her. I felt bad, and I wanted to see her, but now I couldn't even write to her. I didn't know what to say.

And it is kind of annoying that now that I have to opportunity to contact Gran Gran, I cannot think of a single thing to write. So many times during the war I wished I could send her a letter, but we never had the means. Hawky always refused to fly to the South Pole – but these Hawks that Pakku had went there all the time (and few came back from the sounds of it).

Zuko told me its probably because Hawky is a domestically trained messenger hawk, so he's more of a pet. But Pakku is using the military issue birds. They know damn well that they have to do what they are told...even if they are being told to catch fish in the South Pole.

He got a bit fretful about the South Pole messenger hawks. They are native firenation birds, so they would have a hard time adjusting to the poles. He told me some instructions and tips for caring for the birds in cold weather to pass on to Gran Gran when I did write to her. Maybe I could write the tips down and see what else followed. Maybe just having a start would be helpful. Zuko didn't have much advice in the writing to Gran Gran department, because he doesn't have a Gran Gran of his own.

Granny Snapper ( his Dad's mum - so named because she had a terrible temper, low tolerance for children and would snap at Zuko and Azula all the time) died when he was six. Nanna Spicy (his Mum's mum – so named because she lived on the spice islands and always smelled like spiced pudding) had died when he was eight. He couldn't remember either of them very well.

We are both worried about Sokka and Suki. Neither of them really talk about their relationship with anyone else– tonight's frustrated outburst had been a rarity for Sokka. Zuko said they'd had a few..._funny moments_ in between the meetings today. I told him that Sokka had told some stupid lie about going to Kyoshi to learn engineering to Pakku this morning and my various feelings re: this development. Mostly I thought Sokka was bummed about the prospect of a long-distance relationship (which is now seeming likely for them). Sokka just didn't want to be apart from Suki.

Zuko said he could see why Sokka would be bummed. Zuko wouldn't want to be apart from me. He received many kisses for this. Conversation temporarily halted. Groping and kissing ensued.

After a small interlude, Zuko told me that maybe Sokka could go to Two Rivers with Suki – if the Kyoshi warriors ended up being deployed there. It was near smelting colony. There were lots of metalworks in the neighbouring colonies and lots of work for engineers. So there'd be lots of practical experience to be had if Sokka wanted to do more with metal... But that was way ahead of us. Who knew what would happen? Suki might not end up going.

It was hard to tell with the stupid earth Kingdom.

Zuko is still cross over this afternoon's shenanigans. Apparently, according to Zuko, the Earth Kingdom generals were just so stupid that they had no idea how stupid they actually were.

He was most upset that Fong, who is an assface, would dare to cast aspersions on Suki and call her a coward. Suki was ten times the warrior and leader that Fong was. Moreover Suki was right! The Kyoshi warriors were the best option. Fong shouldn't get to insult her to her face, just because he was older and had a superior rank. A stressball to the face wasn't enough to express Zuko's various strong feelings about this.

Zuko asked me if I thought he was wrong to be so adamant about the colonies. He knew that Aang was disappointed in him. Aang had spent a long time trying to encourage Zuko to be 'reasonable' about the colonies. But the bottom line was that Zuko did not trust the Earth Kingdom – not after everything he'd seen.

It wasn't just the Dai Li, it was the general treatment of refugees and the way that the Earth Kingdom soldiers would just terrorise harmless townspeople they were meant to protect. The Earth Kingdom army tolerated that kind of bullying of Earth Kingdom villages on a regular basis. Zuko wasn't about to let _that kind of army_ just roll into the colonies. Two rivers was a colony full of 'tainted half-breeds'. He could imagine letting the earth kingdom army, with their prevailing attitudes towards firebenders, control the situation... especially in light of what the Earth Kingdom did to the few firebenders they caught during the war. (Standard practise was to crush their hands and feet with boulders to stop them from bending).

I asked him what he thought a good solution was. The Earth Kingdom wanted that land back, from what I understood, and they were equally adamant about not letting a firenation army into the colonies. Zuko said he didn't know what the solution was– but he didn't think the answer would be as simple as the colonies belonging to one nation or another.

Perhaps Rena was right and the colonies would be better off being independent (she had apparently ear-bashed him for the majority of the airship ride about colonial independence and how the colonies didn't need no snotty poffs telling them what to do etc.) But failing independence, Zuko still felt like he was responsible for the colonies. He was meant to be the firelord for colonials as well. But this stance was going to cause some drama with the Earth Kingdom.

I asked Zuko if he could see any upside at all, because I find that seeing the silver lining in things really helps me. Zuko said that me and Uncle are obsessed with the silver lining – but some situations _just suck monkey balls. _But he tried to find a silver lining anyway.

He said that the one good thing about all these explosive arguments was that it had completely draw the attention away from the ridiculous rumours that were going around (ah those!).

He'd gotten **so mad **when Sokka had told him and given him all the stress balls as an apology. Jee had found the whole thing really funny and pointed out that Zuko didn't pay enough attention to grooming to be gay – and this had made Toph laugh. So at least someone was getting some amusement out of the ridiculousness.

But Uncle had some great advice (as he was no stranger to scandal himself). He said that if Zuko didn't react at all, and pretended the whole thing was ridiculous, then this whole thing would blow over. Right now they were _just unsubstantiated rumours._

Unsubstantiated rumours would either become so conflated and ridiculous that no one would believe them, or they would be eclipsed by another, more ridiculous rumour or something else would arise that would interest the gossips. The most important thing was for Zuko to keep his temper and not react.

So he'd squeezed stressballs all day, until my Dad and Arnook and _gone at it hammer and tongs, _then he and Kuei had a fight, and then Aang wanted everyone to hold hands. All of these shenanigans were providing interesting fodder for the gossips.

Also when he last heard, the original rumour had turned into some crazy tale of debauchery, involving an orgy with two midget ninjas, five lesbians, and almost all of the 27th district guards. This was officially too ridiculous to be believable (no one would have an orgy with the guards). So Uncle was right on all fronts.

And with all these rumours going around – no one had come close to guessing the truth.

This is a very good thing.

I said that I had been right then, this secret thing really could work. I was so wily, and sneaking out hadn't been at all tricky for me. Zuko said he'd been fine so far too, and neither Toph nor Uncle Nor Jee suspected anything. They just thought he was being extra moody.

It was going to get harder with Toph though - with her stupid truth-sensing and her and Uncle's annoying secret code. I told him that Toph's truth sensing is not completely infallible. She's not good on wood – and if you don't tell a direct lie, she doesn't always pick it up.

It's all in how you phrase things.

Like when I fed Appa all those purple berries so I could stay and heal the river village. When the other's noticed Appa's purple tongue and said he looked sick – I simply said _it looks that way -_which was **technically** true. It did _look_ like Appa was sick, after all.

If she asked him hard questions, Zuko could just reply with technical truths. Zuko cheekily remarked that this why I am far wilier out of the two of us. But all in all – he wasn't sure how well he would go with the technical truths. He wasn't good at lying to begin with. Technical truths seemed very close to the blurry line between a lie and the truth.

Mostly he'd been fine, because Toph had been _so distracted_ lately, so she wasn't noticing things as well as she normally did. There was something in the way he said that – it bothered me. I asked him why Toph was so distracted. I had to poke, and prod and threaten to withhold kisses to get him to tell me. And he did, after many promises that I wouldn't tell anyone, and that I wouldn't "fuss over" Toph.

When they first arrived in Ba Sing Se, Toph's parents were meant to meet them – but instead they'd gotten word that Toph's mother had fallen ill en route to Ba Sing Se. Her Dad thought that Poppy would recover soon and then they could travel again. Toph hadn't wanted anyone else to know – or to fuss over her. She had been most adamant about this.

She didn't talk about it and they were just waiting to receive news. But Zuko could tell that she was worried about her mum, all the same. She'd been extra bratty since finding out, but Zuko thought that this was just how she dealt with being worried. He was letting _the bratty_ slide.

Now that I knew, the most important thing was that I restrain all motherly urges and not fuss over Toph – because then she would be pissed off, and she would also know that Zuko told me. Then there will be calamity and suspicion from Toph!

We want to avoid calamity and suspicion.

I pointed out that to avoid suspicion, we should probably figure out a plan for what we are going to do in public, and in front of our friends. Not all days will be like today, where we don't get a chance to see each other (at least I certainly hope not). Aang's veil-o-eve party is tomorrow night too, and everyone will be there.

I put forward the idea that we just act completely normal in front of everyone else. In front of everyone else, we'd go back to being just friends and we wouldn't act any differently. In front of everyone else, he'd be single and I'd be single and we'd both be cool about things. We wouldn't act at all couple-y until we could be alone.

Zuko agreed that this was a good plan – but he was also very keen to arrange the next time in which we could be couple-y.

Tomorrow I am working with the Joo Dees until lunch. I could see him tomorrow after the meeting finishes. I know that the meetings are finishing early in honour of Aang's party. We could have the whole afternoon together, if we planned it right.

We'll need to see each other before the party. It sounds like that party is going to go all night, and if that is the case then we wouldn't be able to see each other until the night after tomorrow. I can't wait that long to hold him in my arms and kiss him all over his face. Zuko seemed to feel a similar impatience. But he said that tomorrow afternoon could be dicey.

Zuko is busy after the meetings because he has to go down and pick up June from the city edge. His Uncle has gotten her permission of entry from the Dowager – but they have to collect her in person. Zuko also has to meet with the man who will hopefully be Azula's future therapist, a man named Dr Jung. Dr Wang had refused, but had recommended Dr Jung – who was meant to be great.

Dr Jung wouldn't accept the job until he had a one-on-one conversation with Zuko. This request both worried and annoyed Zuko because he didn't really want to have to spend an hour talking to a therapist. But Dr Jung said that he would feel uncomfortable taking such a position in the firenation unless he was able to meet Zuko personally and see if Zuko was the sort of person he wanted to work for.

I pointed out that this was a reasonable request – considering that the poor guy must be nervous about working the firenation. Zuko agreed, but still seems to view therapy with an unreasonable amount of dread. He's acting like it is some sort of mathematical test on trigonometry. He said he was just wary of Earth Kingdom people poking around his brain, but if it got Azula a good doctor, then so be it.

Zuko estimated that after June collecting and stupid therapy, he could get back to the upper ring by four at the latest. The park wont be an option for us then because it would be full of people. Neither would anywhere on the palace grounds because they would be packed with people preparing for the party.

Zuko offered shyly that I could come to his room at the teashop...only if I wanted of course...because if I didn't want to that was totally cool as well. But it would be private. He could probably get rid of Uncle and Toph and Jee somehow... and then there'd be hardly anyone else around... but only if I wanted to and there was no pressure. I gave him a kiss and told him that of course I wanted to. Obviously!

We were really going to do this then.

I think internally, I felt a rush of relief. I mean, ever since we started _this, _it's like I can't think on anything else except _this. _I was half worried that maybe I was the only one who had been obsessively thinking about _this,_ and about doing _this _again. The idea of us not doing _this _now that we have started is preposterous for me. Zuko wanted to do _this _just as much as I did_, _even if it is risky and just a little bit forbidden.

It's almost like kissing each other is addictive.

It is possible to be addicted to another person?

I think it must be.

Kissing Zuko, to me, now seems like a daily necessity, on par with drinking water.

-o-

Once again the day passed in a total blur. There was talk at the breakfast table about allowing me into the peace meetings, or even just the tribal meetings. Pakku championed my cause with Arnook on the basis that I can be a calming influence on my Dad. (err hardly – but thanks anyway Pakku).

Pakku's suggestion came to naught in the end and I still ended up with the Joo Dees. My day with them flew by at any rate.

Before I knew it, I was behind the Jasmine Dragon, trying to silently climb through the window to Zuko's room for some secret snogging. Oh la la. But there was no secret snogging when I got in. Indeed there was no Zuko there either. I closed the window behind me and looked about the room like there was some mistake.

Where was he?

Thankfully it was at that moment that I heard everyone bustle in from outside – which answered my question for me. I could clearly recognise June's voice bitching about how Zuko was _so impatient_ and there was no need to rush them. I could hear her big boots stride into the teashop like she owned it.

June said in a bossy voice _Okay Gramps, we need whiskey sours for you, me, and Jee and jasmine tea for Pouts and Tiny._ Zuko got a bit protesty – but June declared that he didn't get any whiskey sours for being an arsehole and for not bring her the huge, giant ruby he owed her.

Zuko sassed back that he had told her that he'd been shot by lightning since then and he couldn't be expected to remember everything! Toph piped up in support of Zuko and said that he had been as _dopey as all fuck_ for... like _weeks_ after getting shot with lightning. He forgot shit all the time. He even forgot his ex-girlfriend in prison. June was unconvinced by this.

She was still a bit sceptical and said that Zuko couldn't honestly expect her to believe that he'd actually gotten shot with lightning and was walking about all fine and dandy now. If he'd really been shot – he'd be in a severe amount of pain, or like dead. June hadn't been born yesterday – and she wasn't believing a story like that without some proof.

There was a rustle of fabric and then June said loudly and abruptly _oh holy fuck – bugger me! That is a huge scar there Pouts!_ Zuko must have lifted his shirt to show her. He certainly proved that he had been struck by lightning, because after a beat June said in a more even tone of voice_ Okay, your lame excuse is accepted. _

Jee asked Zuko, in a slightly awed tone of voice,_ Did that hurt? _I guess he hadn't seen the scar either. Zuko got a bit sarcastic, and said _No, it felt like being tickled by delightful kittens. _June said that though it was good to see that Zuko's sense of sarcasm had survived along with the rest of him, he still needed to cough up a ruby.

Zuko thought that being struck with lightning might make him exempt from ruby-coughing. June pointed out that their deal was if Zuko died, then finding Uncle was a freebie – but if he lived, June would get to be one ruby richer. Uncle was a bit confused over the whole ruby shenanigan. Until Zuko explained about he had had agreed to trade away Aunt Luta's ruby as the price for finding Uncle before Sozin's comet.

Uncle, though he tried to contain it, seemed a little **pissed off **by this. It was his ruby after all. Zuko pointed out that they had no other way of finding Uncle before the comet and Zuko had been desperate then. Jee muttered _you'd have to be desperate to trade away the blazing heart ruby for a simple job. That's like swapping the Mona Luza for a bag of fireflakes. _Jee was admonished by Zuko for being "unhelpful".

June offered that, just because she was so fond of Gramps and Pouts and she didn't like to see them argue over rubies – she'd waive her previous agreement with Zuko, and just charge them the regular price. She could even put it on their tab. Yes - she was going to start a tab for them. From the sounds of it, they would need to sort out some sort of payment system beyond an IOU on a bar napkin, especially in light of all the war criminals they expected her to catch. Zuko thanked her. I could almost hear her shrug. She said that Zuko was just lucky she liked him.

June wanted to get on to her second order of business – but Zuko got impatient and said that he really had to go and …..do something. This sparked the attention of everyone at the table. All four of them were most curious as to where Zuko had to go in such a hurry.

It's really snogging time with me, but he couldn't very well come out and say that.

Zuko was unable to come up with a plausible excuse for his haste. So he seemed to think that it was an easier option to just hear the second order of business. I snooped around his room for a bit (as is my habit), and then got comfy on the bed. This sounded like it was going to take a while.

June ran through that she knew that she was expected to track down and repatriate all the dangerous firebenders who were found to be criminals of war (for a certain price obviously). A payment system was argued over. When June was satisfied, she asked about her third order of business – what was the story behind this Mai girl who Zuko was so keen for her to meet?

Toph piped up that Mai was Zuko's ex-girlfriend. The one he forgot in prison. June seemed to draw all manner of assumptions from that. She thought for a second and then declared that she didn't want to get caught up in** Pouty's love drama.** Zuko said that there wasn't even any drama. He and Mai had split, but they were still friends and it was drama-free.

June just wanted to clarify that he wasn't still hung up on Mai or anything. Mopey love sick teenagers drove her nuts. She had zero tolerance for that shit. Zuko spoke quite highly of her, considering they only broke up a few days ago and this made June suspicious.

Zuko tried to say in a nonchalant tone _look we broke up. That happens. That's just life. _He said there wasn't any hard feelings between him and Mai. He'd only suggested Mai because she would be **perfect for the job**, and June would only have to meet her for a minute to see that. June said fine, she'd meet _perfect Mai_. She wouldn't guarantee that she'd like her – but she'd meet her.

June then asked _so you're single now?_ Zuko quickly seemed a bit astonished and said that err...yes...he was, but... June **really wasn't his type.** There was the sound of a playful smack and then June said _not me, you idiot! But now that you're single – are you going to have a crack at your __**other **__girlfriend?_in a rather cheeky voice. Zuko got all flustered and said_ June I don't think that is an appropriate suggestion. (_good use of technical truth there).June said she was_ just sayin'. _Once again I could practically hear the shrug. She abruptly changed the conversation and asked Toph if she was ready to go get free sweeties.

It is apparently an earth kingdom tradition for little kids to dress up and go and knock door to door and beg for candy tonight. June thought that Toph was small enough to pass for a little kid and with her bending, she could pretend to be a mud monster. Earth bending costumes always seemed to attract the better quality of sweeties. June hadn't been trick or treating in years (trick or treating is what they call the act of begging for candy here) but now that she had a cute kid to borrow, she was keen to get some freebies in the snotty upper ring.

It's a bit funny how all the nations acknowledge that this is the night when the spirit world closest to our world, but we each celebrate the evening so differently. It's veil-o-eve to air benders. It's samhain to us in the water tribes. It's halloween here in the Earth Kingdom. I'm not sure what it is in the firenation – last year we went to that colony town, and they were celebrating the day of fires. I'll have to ask Zuko.

Zuko was baffled about the free sweeties. He told Toph that he could buy her any sweeties she wanted. Hell, Toph could buy herself whatever sweeties she wanted. Why did she need to get them for free from strangers? Toph informed him that _free food always tasted better! Everyone knows that! _

Iroh was a bit worried about Toph begging for candy on strangers' doors – but he also seemed intrigued by the idea of freebies himself. He very quickly offered that he would have to insist on escorting Toph on this cultural adventure and freebie eating excursion. Jee seemed a bit keen on June and also offered his assistance on the freebie eating excursion. There was a pause and then Zuko said _I'll pass on freebie eating, thanks. _

Toph asked him what he was going to do instead? Zuko didn't say anything for a second. Then he quickly said _Azula! I have to write to Azula and tell her about Dr Jung._ This satisfied Toph, but she still thought it was weird that Zuko would pass up free candy to write to Azula.

June asked who Azula was. Toph supplied_ Zuko's crazy sister. _Zuko reminded Toph that Dr Jung had told him that it was bad for them to call Azula "the C word". Toph said with faux innocence _What C word? Crazy? Or cu...? _Zuko cut her off there and admonished her with a scandalised _Toph! _

This was followed by Zuko saying_ you are such a brat – get out of here already before all the good sweeties are gone!_ Then it sounded like the other's bustled out **in search of freebies and adventure.** Toph called out that she'd bring Zuko back something awesome from the door.

There was a short interlude, during which I think Zuko was checking that they really were gone. Then he opened the door to his room. When he saw me his eyes just lit up (just like they did last night). Then he closed the door quickly behind himself, crossed the distance between us with two quick strides and was kissing me.

Finally!

-o-

Things were slightly different today, because we were in a room and not a park, and because we were making out on a bed and not on the ground, and because at some point I became very intent on divesting Zuko of various articles of clothing; specifically his shirt. It needed to come off. But after his shirt came off – mine quickly followed.

So we haven't really undressed each other until today. It's like every time we meet like this, and do _this _together, we get a little more confident in each other. Push the boundaries a little further. We haven't really talked about eerr...pushing that final boundary together. We should probably have a conversation about that – because at the rate things are going, he might think that doing the squelchy is just around the corner.

Is it?

Goodness, sometimes when we are together, I just get so caught up in it all. Perhaps it could be. I always thought I would wait until marriage. But now I don't know if I want to wait. I adore him so much. I'd let him do anything to me. But I'm still not sure. I don't know. I want to take it slow. I don't know if I'm ready. But maybe I am.

How do you even know if you are? Ready - I mean?

And, though I feel horrible for thinking this, what happens if I'm not as... not as good as Gloomy? Err I mean Mai. What if I'm not as good at that? Will he be mentally comparing us? I mean Zuko has _done it _before with Mai, but when we_ do it, _it will be my first time and...

This is exactly why we need to have a conversation about the squelchy. At any rate, the squelchy, or even a conversation about the squelchy didn't happen today. Instead shirt thievery happened, but I was well pleased with that.

At first he kept apologising for taking so long with the others, and everything took longer than he thought it would, and then Stupid Dr Jung wouldn't give him _a proper answer _and bloody Uncle wanted to go _shopping,_ and... I cut him off with more kisses and told him I didn't mind waiting for him.

He was sitting on the bed, and I was straddling his lap. We were sort of grinding against each other while we kissed. Oh La La. Then I put plan _take it off_ into action. He was very obliging and voila, off his shirt came. Mmmmmmhhhhh. But then he started trying to divest me of my black top in retaliation (I'd come in full ninja today- it makes me feel sneakier when I am all dressed in black). That would leave me in only my leggings. It did seem like a fair trade – considering how many times I have _enjoyed_ the sight of shirtless Zuko.

Maybe with someone else, I would feel more embarrassed and more hesitant. I probably wouldn't be as keen to reveal as much, to bare as much. But we'd both already bared so much to each other – what was a little shirtlessness on top of all the secrets we'd told each other?

So I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it off over my head in one fluid movement. I was trying to do it in a sexy way, but I don't know if I managed that. I did manage to completely take his breath away though, so go me! He just stopped, inhaled sharply and stared at me when I took it off. There was a moment where we just looked at each other. Really looked.

His face was just like an open book, and I saw so much adoration there. I took in the sight of his face and his strong, sexy body that I love (with its scars and all). He was looking at me like he was seeing something spectacular, like coronation fireworks... but there was only me, just in my wrappings and leggings, straddling his lap.

He spoke first, and just said _you're so beautiful _softly. He's said things like that before, and it always makes me feel like I have a school of fish in my belly that are swimming around and doing back flips of glee. I said he wasn't so bad himself, and leaned in for another kiss. This kiss got a bit intense and we both got fairly handsy.

Zuko was very into my boobs – but this is unsurprising, because all boys are into boobs according to Ty Lee. Much boob groping was had. I giggled the first time, because like... Z_uko's hands are on my boobs and when did that become __**a thing**_**? **He got awkward (as per usual) and asked me repeatedly if I was okay with it. Eventually I had to resort to reciprocal groping to prove how okay with it I was.

But then we had a slightly serious moment – well as serious as a moment can be when two people are shamelessly groping each other. See I tried to squeeze his pecs, but I was a bit too enthusiastic and I accidentally ended up poking the centre of his lightning scar. He inhaled sharply again but this time in pain rather than sexy wonderment.

I haven't had to heal it in weeks and it's completely healed over now, but it still must be quite tender. I know Aang's ached for months afterwards. I was all apologies, even though Zuko said he was okay. Then I just had the cheesiest idea.

I offered to 'kiss it better'. (Yes that is how cheesy I am.)

Zuko is equally cheesy though I reckon, cause he smiled at me and shrugged and said it was worth a try. I kissed the centre of the scar softly and gently. I didn't stop there either (mostly I was encouraged by the little moan he made when I did that). I ended up kissing around the perimeter of the scar.

June and Jee had _such a reaction_ to it. Even though Zuko puts up a lot of bravado and ho-ha, I know he's really sensitive about his scars. I wanted to show him that he was still beautiful with them, and that they were a part of him that I would love just as much as the rest of him. I didn't know how to say any of that in words. I didn't know how to tell him, so I opted to show him instead.

He seemed to quite enjoy it.

-o-

Eventually kissing gave way to talking. We lay across from each other, propped up on elbows and chatted. There was lots of easy, undemanding touching, and a smattering of kisses in amongst all the chat. I love the kissing, but I think I like this... _effortless togetherness_ just as much.

I had to ask, because I was so curious, what was going on with June. Why was she here? I mean don't get me wrong, I don't mind June, but she's not really an upper ring of Ba Sing Se kind of woman. Zuko explained that she was here to help him prove that the firenation really was going to put in a concerted effort at catching the war criminals and making sure that the really bad guys got punished for their war crimes.

The Earth Kingdom seemed to think that all the war criminals were going to get off scott-free because Zuko was a 'softie'. Zuko is considered _a softie _because he is letting Ozai live, even though Ozai was one of the worse offenders when it came to crimes against humanity. This is yet another way that Aang decision has bitten Zuko on the arse.

Zuko said he did want to catch the war criminals, but he wanted to do it the right way. A way that would ensure proper justice was served. June was the best choice. She had no allegiances. She was great at what she did. She was neutral when it came to war criminals and wouldn't be inclined to deliver vigilante justice. She'd keep a clear head and be able to gather the evidence he needed. Right now he didn't have a job for her, but he wanted to reserve her services for the future, because she was the only person he would trust with this.

He was waiting for the go-ahead from Piandao for charging the Rough Rhinos with war crimes. His cousin had filed** heaps** of reports about their gross misconduct and dishonour. Lu Ten claimed that they had gone around burning small Earth Kingdom villages and their inhabitants** for fun. **The thought sickened me. It sickened Zuko as well.

The problem was that these claims hadn't been properly investigated at the time (not many claims were ever filed, and none had been properly investigated at the time – so this is not unusual). The lack of timely investigation meant that it was harder to prove now. Without evidence, it was Lu Ten's word against the Rough Rhinos. Zuko believed and trusted Lu Ten and knew that he wouldn't make this sort of thing up. But he still had to be able to prove that what his cousin said was true. His cousin had a few run-ins with the Rough Rhinos. It would be easy for the Rough Rhinos to say that he was biased against them.

Zuko said that if they could substantiate Lu Ten's claims and find some evidence, or witnesses – then it would be a really easy process when it came to prosecuting the Rough Rhinos. Zuko really wanted to make sure this case was done right. It would be the first war crimes case, so it would set a precedent. But it had also meant a lot to his cousin. He didn't want to screw it up.

Piandao was trying to track down soldiers who might be willing to testify. June had said that when she got the go-ahead, she'd be willing to go to the site of the towns and ask around to see if she could find any survivors. She was a great investigator for the most part.

She'd be staying with them for the meantime in the Jasmine Dragon. This is a bummer because it means that having sneaky snogging sessions here will be more difficult. June is wily.

We talked a bit about Samhain, or what have you. I got to ask him about how it was celebrated in the firenation. I was right about it being the day of fires from last year. Zuko said that the firenation reacted with much more apprehension at the prospect of the spirit world being close. The day of fires marks what they call the 'turning of the sun' – when the days start getting shorter and winter starts setting in. Big bonfires are lit to compensate for the coming winter.

It is tradition that everyone wears masks – in order to scare away the bad spirits. There are lots of scary stories about _Koh the face stealer _in the firenation (apparently he comes on the day of fires to eat naughty children's faces). There's a big superstition that if you wear a mask, he can't steal your face.

You are also safe near bonfires, because they will keep away all the bad spirits – all of whom have come for nefarious child-eating purposes. Mountain spirits and ocean spirits are apparently the worst offenders when it comes to child eating. Amongst wily people in the firenation, it is also tradition to dress up like a spirit and try and scare the bejeezus out of people. There is usually a party where people eat too much, drink too much and tell spooky stories.

It's a bit different in the water tribes. We are much more joyful about the prospect of the spirits being close to say the least. The winter is really setting in down South when Samhain happens. We take stock of the summer gatherings, and spend the day preserving things for the long winter ahead. Then with what is left we make offerings to the ocean and moon spirit.

There is a big superstition that your departed loved ones can hear you on samhain, so my tribe would normally gather around the ocean edge, and make a little offering for their loved ones as well...normally in the form of carved boats. You carve a little boat. Then you say what you need to say, or what you would have said given more time – and then you let that little boat go. The ocean will take your message to your loved one. Then there also is a big party where everyone eats too much and the adults drink too much and spooky stories are told.

A party with too much food and beverages, and spooky stories seems to be the only common theme in all the cultures.

-o-

When the evening gongs started ringing – I had to skedaddle. I was meant to be meeting with the Kyoshi Warriors first for a big old girly getting ready for a party session. But oh, it was quite hard to leave him. I know this secret thing is my idea. And it is working well for us so far. But I heartily resented it right then. If we didn't have to keep this secret, we could have wiled away the rest of the afternoon together.

I was running a bit late by the time I finally joined the Kyoshi Warriors in their wing (I got distracted). I told a few little white lies about being held up with the Joo Dees, which all the warriors believed. They know how engrossed I can get in my work.

Dresses were tried, hair and make up was experimented with. Conversation mostly revolved around the possibility of all of them going to Two Rivers as a peace keeping force. I'd say most of the warriors seem keen to go. They had all left Kyoshi because they really wanted to make a difference in the world and put their training to good use. There wasn't much call for an elite fighting force on such a peaceful place. A few of the girls (Hastu and Aya) were quite outspoken about how they needed to go where they could be of the most use. They agreed with Suki and said that she was right to volunteer them. They were sure that Kuei and the rest of the generals would also come around to seeing it Suki's way.

Others were not so sure. Kiko and a few others were so homesick. They thought that the Kyoshi warriors were meant to be on Kyoshi. Kyohsi was where they belonged, not off in spirits forsaken colonies. It was a tradition going back generations. Suki played mediator while I fussed with her hair.

Suki said that she would never force anyone to come with her, but she thought that peace keeping was a worthwhile enterprise. She offered that any warrior who felt homesick could return to Kyoshi. While Suki would very much like for all the warriors to stick together – there would be a benefit to having some sections go home; they could train new girls into Kyosghi style and Chi -blocking. Most of the warriors are now fairly capable at chi blocking.

Suki was sure that she could to more to help the world now and she wanted to be part of the rebuilding process. But she would more than understand if the the allure of Kyoshi and home was calling to the other girls. Each girl was to think about what they wanted to do – and they'd talk about it again tomorrow. Most of the warriors seemed happy with this compromise.

Ty Lee seemed a bit fidgety though. More flighty than usual and that is saying something. She said to Suki, that as she really had taught all the girls how to chi block (Suki is now especially good at it) and perhaps it wouldn't be necessary that she go to the colonies.

Suki said that she would understand if Ty Lee wanted to go home to Kyoshi. Ty Lee fiddled with her skirt and looked like a much younger girl for a split second, before she said quietly _but Kyoshi isn't my home. _

Suki's eyes widened and she said _oh yes, right...wait, you don't want to go to the colonies and you don't wish to go back to Kyoshi? _Ty Lee nodded, still playing with her skirt. Suki asked her, in a kind, quiet voice, what it was that she wanted. Ty Lee dropped her skirt and said that she didn't know. She didn't know what she wanted. She was going to ask Kyoshi and see what she thought – but first she wanted to see if Suki thought that was a good idea.

Suki was most confused by this.

Ty Lee blathered at her usual speed about how she had been talking to Aang and he had been going on about talking to any spirit. Tonight was the night, if you wanted to have a conversation with a spirit – and Ty Lee had always felt like tonight was special. There was nothing to be scared of really.

Aang said that he could help her get into a meditative state and then she could talk to a spirit – so she was going to talk to Kyoshi. Ty Lee never knew what was best, but she was sure avatar Kyoshi would know. But Ty Lee wanted to check and see if Suki thought it was a good idea.

Suki kept a straight face and said with all seriousness, that if talking to Kyoshi would give Ty Lee some clarity, then that was exactly what she should do. Ty Lee smiled at this and bounced off. Suki turned and gave me a rueful little smile and just remarked that Ty Lee_ still _asked her permission for almost everything.

There was a small quiet moment, when nobody else wanted Suki's attention. I seized my chance and asked her what was going on between her and Sokka. She reassured me that everything is fine between her and Sokka, and that "they will figure something out." I wasn't quite satisfied with this answer, but I couldn't seem to get much else out of her.

-o-

The first person I looked for at the party was Zuko – but I used to do this when we are friends as well, so I don't think the fact that I scurried over to him as soon as I spotted him would give anything away. He was with Toph, who was feeling a little sick from eating too many eclairs.

He was alternately scolding her and saying things like _I told you eating so many would make you feel sick – but did you listen? NO. So you're not getting any sympathy from me, _and then very sweetly (if a little hypocritically) giving her lots of sympathy and trying to get her to drink some ginger tea, because it would help settle her stomach. I wandered over to them and agreed that ginger tea was the best thing for Toph's predicament right now. Toph muttered that of course I would take Zuko's side, but complied and drank some tea.

Zuko asked if he could ask us a question – which of course got the standard cheeky response (_you just asked one! Hardy har har_). His question was _do I seem stressed right now? _Apparently Sokka had given him another two stressballs tonight before I had come down. Zuko was perplexed by the stressball gifts. Like what was Sokka trying to say?

Toph shrugged and said that Sokka was probably trying to say that Zuko was _the most stressed out person who ever stressed. _He was constantly stressing over _something. _Toph could count, on one hand, the times she'd felt him be properly relaxed. It's like something had to **go terribly wrong** for him and cause him stress everyday.

Zuko got a bit protesty and said that today had been an okay day. Nothing had gone disastrously today. In fact, he would even say that things hadn't been **so bad. **(He gave me a slightly cheeky look here – I gave him a cheeky look back. Thank goodness Toph is blind, so she missed this exchange of looks).

I told him that I thought that they were both reading too much into it. Sokka was just trying to be helpful in his Sokka way. The stressballs were probably for the meetings – where I am sure much stress is had by all. Just because he gave them to Zuko during a party didn't automatically meant that they were for the party. This was a nice, fun party. Nothing was going to go wrong for Zuko and there would be nothing to stress any of us right now.

The universe seems to like proving me wrong lately.

Just at that moment I felt someone pop up behind me, I saw Zuko's face fall in horror and I heard Jet's voice over my right shoulder say _Boo motherfucker! _Whatever Jet is here for, I am sure it is no good. I'm sure it will lead to calamity of some sort... I am sure that many things are about to go disastrously badly... and the night is only just beginning.

Oh noes!

-o-o-o-

Happy halloween lovely readers!

For once the timeline between what is happening in story matches up with life! So this is the start of a little Halloween arc for your spooky pleasure. I originally intended to have the whole Halloween arc done by Wednesday, but alas it was not to be. Real life has been keeping me busy and I've moved to a new place. The internet is a bit shaky in my new apartment, but I'm trying to sort it now. However, if I'm a bit late in getting back to you, please accept all my apologies in advance. Huge thanks to everyone who reads and reviews! You guys are just all kinds of awesome! Glad everyone liked the last chapter and I can only hope that you enjoyed this one.

So this chapter details how the different nations celebrate halloween. I have borrowed from a few different cultures to flesh out the variety of responses to halloween. I think that the WT and AN would be much more excited and much more welcoming of the spirit world being closer. That is why they both have a more celebratory vibe to how they celebrate halloween. Samhain is actually the Celtic/Druidic Halloween holiday – where it was believed that the veil between the two worlds was at its thinnest – this made it possible to communicate with those "beyond the veil". Both the AN and WT holidays reflect this notion of communing with spirits. The WT believe it is a one way communication. They can send messages to the spirits.

The AN however, I think being as highly spiritual as they were, would have been able to develop some two way communication. I think this could be a possibility for Aang – mostly because I really want some closure between him and Gyatso. I also want Aang to be able to talk to other airnomands, even if it is only once a year and get a smattering of spiritual/cultural guidance from them. I just think about how much I knew about my own history, heritage and culture at age12 – and wow, I knew next to nothing (though of course I thought I knew everything). It is not feasible to expect Aang to understand everything about the Airnomads (especially as he is expected to carry on their traditions in canon). I really want Aang to explore his status as the last air nomad.

I actually think Aang is not the last, for several reasons which I will go into more later. But in a nutshell: Sozin's comet only lasts for one day – one day is not enough for the genocide of a _nomadic_ race. There is no way on earth that every single airnomad was in residence at the temples during the comet. Because ...err...they are called the air** nomads** for a reason.

Nomads travel and disperse.

Unless Sozin's comet coincided with a big festival (we are given no indication that it does) then there is no way that all of the airnomads would have been present. I estimate that at least a quarter of the air nomads would have been away from the temples.

Of course there would have been lost of post comet air nomad hunting by the firenation, but I don't think it is a complete impossibility that some air nomads survived and managed to hide themselves. The airnomads did seem like they were very popular. I'm sure that some of them would have had friends who could help them hide, even if they did not have the resources of their own. Air nomads, especially those without master tattoos, could have easily blended in...maybe even married and had kids for all we know. That's my theory, but YMMV.

I think that _the deserter_ (the Jeong Jeong episode) takes place around Avatarverse halloween. It is in mid-late autumn. The town is celebrating something that requires everyone where masks. Roku appears to someone who is not Aang – completely unprompted and seemingly without possessing Aang. Aang is not woozy at all (which happens on other occasions when he is possessed) and does not seem to notice that Roku just appeared to Jeong Jeong.

This is the first an only time that Roku appears to someone who is not the avatar (as far as I know) without being in a temple or possessing Aang (both of which occurred during the winter solstice episode). I think that Roku's appearance was made possible because Jeong Jeong was in a meditative state and it was halloween – making the barrier between the spirit world and the real world easier to cross.

The FN is more apprehensive over spirits (and also over winter/cold weather – Halloween marks the start of the cold weather). They have also picked up on a few more of the creepy undertones and the costume motif of the holiday. The theory that bad spirits needed to be warded off is common in most Halloween traditions. So I ran with this for the FN to explain the excess of masks and bonfires in the day of fires celebration from the Jeong Jeong episode.

Zuko and Katara spend a great deal of this chapter making out – or thinking about making out. I think they'd have a hard time keeping their hands to themselves now that they have started with the kissing. I have Katara describe how she feels as partly like an addiction. Fun fact: in many ways our brain actually mimics the symptoms of a drug addiction when we first start going out with someone. Studies show that people get huge boosts of dopamine (one of the _feel good_ brain chemicals) in that first flush or passionate stage. Zuko and Katara are in the passionate stage now.

The big downer for them is the necessary secrecy. I think that secrecy would be necessary, especially in the early stages of a relationship. They are both from different cultures and are predominate members of their respective nations (nations which were very recently at war). The middle of a peace conference is not the time to openly declare your love for your former enemy.

While this hasn't been discussed between them, I think that Katara and Zuko would both want to be comfortable with each other and in a fairly well established relationship before any public declarations happen. A Katara and Zuko coupling would throw a big spanner the peace negotiations, so there is a political element to the need for secrecy.

But I think that there is a big emotional element involved as well. Starting up something with someone can be daunting. The last thing either of them would want was the focus of the world on their relationship, especially when they are just exploring and discovering it for themselves.

Ooh, they haven't done the squelchy yet – for those of you who were wondering. They have just gotten handsy and grope-y. Zuko is full of mush. He organises dorky picnics just for a date with Mai. As** Kimberly T** points out, he wouldn't want to do Katara in a park for their first time. He'd want sheets and candles and maybe flowers etc.

So right now they are doing their best to keep everything a secret. Katara is much better at this and at telling _technical truths_ than Zuko. Toph's truth detecting ability will make things a bit trickier on Zuko. But there are a few times in the series where Toph misses out on blatant lies being told when she is standing right next to someone. So she is not completely infallible.

There was a good example involving Katara during _the painted lady_ episode. Katara says_ it looks that way,_ when the others are worried that Appa is sick. Toph is standing right next to her and doesn't say anything about Katara's lie (when she rarely fails to call Katara out at other times). It took me a little while, but then I eventually figured that _it looks that way _is not technically a lie. It **did **look that way. So Toph did not pick it up as a lie.

Also Toph is a little distracted at the moment due to issues with her parents. One lovely reader (sorry I can't remember who now!) remarked that the Bei Fongs were meant to be at Ba Sing Se for the peace conference. They were – so good catch. They have been waylaid temporarily in this fic, but they will make themselves known in later chapters. But right now their absence is distracting their dear daughter and making things slightly easier on Zuko in the sneaky department.

A few other things which came up this chapter was the problem of where to settle which has sprung up between Sokka and Suki. I always thought that would be an issue for them. Sokka, like Katara, is under similar restrictions for marriage. However they are not iron clad restrictions for Sokka.

As a guy, it is much more acceptable for Sokka to have some fun and sow his oats before settling down with a nice tribal girl. If he did wish for a non-tribal wife, she would be expected to emulate water tribe customs and move south with Sokka (as he will be chief eventually as his wife should integrate with that community). Suki is not willing to move South with the prevailing WT attitudes to women, and therein lies their problem. Where will they live now that the war is over?

I also mentioned the first colonial uprising and the dire need for some sort of international solution. Suki volunteers herself and her warriors– but this is shot down with some resentment when it is initially mentioned. I think the EK generals would be feeling a little resentful of Kyoshi which stayed _neutral_ for practically the entire duration of the war. However the Kyoshi warriors are the best solution precisely because of their neutrality. The EK and FN are both justifiably horrified at the thought of the other country sending in their forces to 'sort it out'.

Note: I actually see Kyoshi as its own separate nation. It certainly conducts itself as such. It spilt rather decisively from the EK when Avatar Kyoshi did her thing. I think the EK still see Kyoshi as some how part of the lands. Perhaps Kyoshi is a bit like Macedonia (which everyone except Greece recognises as a separate country).

June is also back this chapter. She will be working on catching war criminals for Zuko for the next little while. I think that the first case Zuko would address would be the Rough Rhinos. Lu Ten would have filed many reports about their misconduct. Zuko sees Lu Ten as a supremely reliable source and he takes what his cousin says as gospel truth. He would want to get justice for his cousin – but he would want to do it the right way (with undeniable evidence and a fair trial). This will be the first war crimes case – it will set a precedent, so it is being treated with due care. June will definitely need an apprentice to help her out with all this extra work she will have.

Next chapter June will decide about Mai's apprenticeship. The Halloween party will continue. Jet will cause a ruckus. Jet and Katara will have an interesting conversation (I know I said that they could have one this chapter – but this chapter just go so long). Jealous Zuko will make an appearance. Aang will make a surprise discovery. Katara and Zuki will have a sweet moment with boats. And shenanigans will ensue.

Til then lovely readers...


	19. conversations with dead people

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Conversations with dead people

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jet was looking beyond smug. I have never seen anyone quite so pleased with themselves in my entire life. Zuko was instantly on the offensive and asked get what (fucking hell) he was doing here. Jet shrugged and said he had been invited of course. He pointed out a group of girls. They looked oddly familiar, But I couldn't quite place them. Apparently they had heard the rumours and had gone down to the 27th district to "investigate" yesterday. They had found Jet and he had been more than willing to answer their questions about said rumours (ie: he **elaborately terribly** and has now substantiated previously unsubstantiated rumours. But mostly he went on at length about what a jerk Zuko was.)

Jet said that the tall one was called Star and she totally fancied him. Like really fancied him. A lot. Because he was quite fanciable _thank you very much_ (He gave Zuko an oddly **pointed **look when he was talking about how fanciable he was. But I am not sure what point he was trying to prove). Because Jet was so fanciable, Star had invited him home to the upper ring to meet her Dad – General Pang.

General Pang was a big wig in the Earth Kingdom Army and he was very interested in everything Jet had to tell him about Zuko and all the shenanigans he got up to in the lower ring. Jet had laid the charm of thick for the General and exaggerated his own heroics as the leader of the freedom fighters. The General thought that Jet was a good embodiment of the mighty spirit of regular earth kingdom peasant folk and had "taken an interest in his future".

Jet knew how much Zuko didn't want a scandal – and so he had taken an interest in making sure that everyone in Ba Sing Se knew what a **wily, stupid, sneaky, mean slut **he had been back in the 27th. So he'd been telling Star and her family all about alley shagging and hospital thievery and general rule-breaking.

Zuko tried to act like he wasn't bothered but I think everyone could tell that he was quietly **seething with rage.** But he made a valiant attempt at taking the high road anyway. He said (very aloofly) that he wasn't worried about Jet and he had nothing to be ashamed of when it came to his behaviour in the 27th district. Jet raised an eyebrow and then said snidely that of course the fire nation wouldn't be ashamed of robbing hospitals.

Robbing hospitals? What?

Zuko said to me quickly that there were extenuating circumstances and he could explain later. Jet snorted at that and said that there always were extenuating circumstances with Zuko. Zuko said that there would be_ extenuating circumstances _if he beat the snot of Jet with a snack tray – which he would do if Jet didn't fuck off right now.

At that point Star and her two friends came over. They gasped in a very dramatic fashion when they heard Zuko say the F word. Jet totally hammed up looking mock-hurt for Star. She gave him a poor-baby-is-this-guy-being-mean-to-you-look as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Then she said acidly to Zuko,_ honestly firelord Zuko, someone of your station should know better. You shouldn't be so unfeeling to a boy who loves you._

Zuko's face dropped in absolutely shock and horror. I don't think he could have been more horrified if Star had beaten a kitten with a blunt stick in front of him... then drowned that beaten kitten in bucket full of sewer sludge. That was how horrified he looked at the notion that Jet loved him. But Jet didn't look very pleased either. In fact Jet looked equally, if not more, horrified.

Jet and Star had a quick conversation. He tried to correct her erroneous notion. Star claimed that it was "okay" and "she understood". There was some protesting and fierce denials from Jet. Jet protested that he didn't even fancy Zuko. Star gave him an odd look and said that he had been able to explain** so accurately **why shameless hussies were attracted to the firelord, that she just assumed that Jet was attracted to him as well. Jet was momentarily gobsmacked.

Then Star told Jet that her Daddy wanted to introduce him to some people. Jet said that he just had something he wanted to say to Zuko but he'd be there in a sec. Jet dropped **the sad panda act** as soon as Star walked away.

He was furious at Zuko for "ruining things" for him. He could have had sex with Star and now she thought he was gay – and this is somehow Zuko's fault. Zuko was exceptionally cross at this. He was beside himself in anger. He said it wasn't his fault that people kept thinking Jet was gay. The fact that Jet had a gay obsession with Zuko made him seem gay.

Jet seemed to take a perverse sort of pleasure in seeing Zuko so mad. He made comments to the effect that at least if he had to suffer public ridicule, he could bring Zuko down with him. If everyone here thought that Jet was gay – he was just going to play up to it! He'd tell everyone he was – and Zuko was gay with him, and they had done alley-shagging together. Jet would do it too – if only to **drive Zuko absolutely bananas. **And there'd be shit all Zuko could do about it because it would be Jet's word against his.

I don't know if Jet would actually do this because he seemed very affronted that everyone thought he was gay. Surely confessing would be counter-productive to his attempts at denying it. But then again – driving Zuko bonkers seems to be an all consuming obsession for Jet (and this would certainly drive Zuko bonkers). Zuko seemed to think he would do it, because he got very threaten-y.

Jet wasn't fazed. If anything, Jet smiled even wider and said _you know what the best thing about this is – you can't do shit to me here. If you get __**all scrappy, **__you'll just be playing into what everyone here already thinks. _Jet raised his voice a few octaves in an uncanny impression of the Dowager's accent and said _oh those firebenders, durrr, they can't ever control their tempers. They always resort to violence don't they? Such a cruel race. _

Zuko made a noise of complete and utter angry frustration. Toph stepped in front of him and tried to inject some common sense into the proceedings. It was time for a voice of reason in this highly unreasonable conversation. She asked Jet how much money it would take for him to just go away. Jet looked a bit confused. But Toph is used to using her money to solve problems. She knows all about giving small bribes to make problems go away. Zuko latched on to the idea and said that he'd give Jet however much he wanted if he just fucked right off now. Jet looked a bit affronted and said that he wouldn't take Zuko's money. He scoffed and added _I mean I have some integrity! _

That was it for Zuko's patience I'm afraid. I could practically feel the tension mounting in him throughout this conversation – but he'd tried to keep it together. Unfortunately Jet's misguided belief in his own integrity proved too much for Zuko's forbearance. There was a small, incredulous angry explosion. Zuko pointed out (through shouting) that Jet was a shameless, pathological liar who was here pretending to be his gay ex-lover and simultaneously score chicks through deceitful means at the same time. **Where was the fucking integrity in that? **

The shouting brought over my Dad at a cracking pace. Dad has never officially met Jet – oh but he had_ heard all about_ him thanks to Sokka's big mouth. Dad put his hand on my shoulder and said in a neutral tone of voice_ Katara, who is this your talking to? _I introduced Dad and Jet somewhat begrudgingly. Dad moved close to Jet and got all up in his face.

Dad looked Jet up and down and seemed clearly unimpressed. I never actually realised it, but my Dad can be **super intimidating** without even doing anything but just stand there and look disapproving.

I always felt like Zuko's nervousness around my Dad was a bit irrational – but now I totally get it. Jet seemed to be feeling a little nervous in the face of my Dad's powers of Dadness, because he bowed low at my dad and said _Hakoda – it is nice to meet you. _

Dad didn't bow back, but said _Actually I would prefer if you called me Sir Hakoda. _ Jet nodded a _yes Sir Hakoda. _Dad crossed his arms and **just stared at Jet** silently until **it got awkward.** There was a moment of unspoken communication between Dad and Jet. It was like they were having a staring competition. Then Jet gulped and announced sheepishly that he was going to go find Star and wandered off.

Dad seemed a bit pleased with himself when Jet beat his hasty retreat.

-o-

Zuko was having a small freak-out of just rage.

He'd grabbed one of the buffet trays with deliberate force and said _fuck decorum – I'm going to kill the bastard. _This was an understandable sentiment in light of the current circumstances- but Zuko flipping out and attacking Jet in the middle of the first party of Aang's birthday week would be the worst thing ever. It would look dreadful to the hoity-toities here and they already think badly enough of Zuko and everyone from the firenation as it is. It would just add another layer of terrible onto what already was a terrible situation. I grabbed the other side of the tray and tried to point this out reasonably.

Toph was on Zuko's side. She thought that violent retaliation was in order. But she also understood my point about how Zuko doing it would 'look' to the Earth Kingdom hoity-toities. Toph's solution was simple. She would administer the violence. _I can make him leave – just give me two minutes alone with him!_ I advocated against a violent Toph induced solution as well.

Zuko and I had a ridiculous squabble.

He tried to persuade me to relinquish the tray so he could kill Jet with it. It was the only way to restore justice to the universe. _Death by tray it shall be! _He was really freaking out and going a bit hysterical. Dr Yang once told me that when all else fails, sometimes a slap to the face can be good when dealing with a hysterical person. I had never slapped a hysterical person and I didn't want to slap Zuko now either. But some sort of sharp jolt might help him chill out.

Chill out?

I knew what I had to do. I dropped the tray quickly – then as fast as I could I bend a small amount of water at his face. I made it **icy cold** so it would be a **real shock **to him. It certainly surprised him. He dropped the tray quickly and gave me a baffled look. He still seemed mad as hell (possibly throwing icy cold water in his face hadn't been as good for his temper as I originally hypothesised).

I grabbed him by the shoulders and told him to _just look at me._ He squirmed a bit in my grasp, but I didn't let him go. Our eyes locked. I tried to convey how much I loved him, how much I needed him to be calm and not lose it right now, how I only wanted people to think well of him, and how sorry I was that horrible things kept happening to him. He held my gaze. His eyes lost the blazing anger as he focused on me at least.

If we had been alone and somewhere private – I would've taken his face in my hands and kissed him til nothing else mattered. But of course I couldn't really do that with my dad and Toph standing right there! This was already too intimate a moment to be having in front of those two nosey-parkers!

Instead of kissing it better, I told him that he had to calm down. Then I managed to let go and step away. But I didn't drop his gaze. I added, in my reasonable tone, that he had to be the bigger person right now. If Jet was a guest of some hoity toity Earth Kingdom General, we had to find a peaceful way to get him to leave. Moreover, it sounded like Jet was only really here to annoy him – so the best retaliation Zuko could do was not act annoyed.

Toph piped up that she thought the best retaliation would be her having** two minutes alone with Jet **(she made a fist and punched it into her open palm – so we would all understand that some violence would occur during those two minutes)**.** Zuko smiled at her and thanked her, but said I had a point. If Toph beat Jet up – all the Earth Kingdom hoity toity folk would say things like (Zuko did a posh Dowager impersonation here too) _Oh that Toph Bei Fong – she used to be so mild mannered, but then she went to stay in the firenation and now look at her! Beating people up at parties! How rude!_

So violent persuasion was out. But Zuko didn't know how else to get rid of him. He couldn't let Jet stay because he was just going to completely undermine him.

Dad said that would be easy. Zuko should let Jet make himself appear ridiculous. Dad had a feeling that Jet would make himself look like an idiot, and bring himself unstuck in no time. If Zuko appeared sane and sincere to these people – they'd be more likely to believe him over Jet.

The best thing for Zuko to do right now was to **be classy – NOT CRAZY. **Zuko should just be professional and ignore him. Dad suggested that Zuko could grab his Uncle and that lady with the tattoo and start talking to the Earth Kingdom Generals about setting up the war crimes trials for firenation war criminals. (Iroh had told Dad all about it).

Zuko was a bit reluctant. Talking about that _always_ lead to him being bombarded with stories about how** awful** the fire nation was. This was Dad's point exactly. Right now Jet was trying to spread scandalous rumours that would make it very unlikely that people would take Zuko seriously as a leader. Right now Zuko needed to prove that he was a serious leader and draw attention away from scandalous rumours. Dad said a little ruefully, _the only thing these Earth Kingdom people love more than scandal involving you is telling you how much the firenation sucks._

Zuko conceded that this was true.

-o-

Zuko took my Dad's advice and went off to talk up the war crimes process with June and his Uncle. Toph went with him. I was going to go with him too, but my dad held me back. He wanted to have a worried Dad chat. About my taste in men. Specifically Jet and what on earth possessed me to snog him.

My Dad was **very expressive** about his disapproval for Jet. He expressed a desire to protect me from all undeserving men. He, like Sokka, wanted to implement some sort of veto system for all my future boyfriends – so that he could weed out the rubbish. And possibly put a forcefield of some description around me.

Or both.

This sort of sweet yet paternalistic rant would have normally prompted me to rant back about how I can choose my boyfriends for myself, etc. I refrained in this for two reasons. Dad had just met Jet and Jet had turned _the jerk factor up to eleven. _I felt that defending this particular life choice (snogging Jet) would not go over well with Dad.

I also felt slightly guilty because I am gleefully going about this secret thing with Zuko. I **know** Dad will disapprove...but I don't care enough about that to stop. I don't want to stop _whatever it is I'm doing_ with Zuko. Not even to spare my Dad's feelings.

I am worried about what this says about me. It probably says a few things that are not quite flattering.

Or maybe I'm over-analysing everything as usual.

Maybe it just says that I really want this to work with Zuko. When I'm with Zuko and it is just the two of us I just feel so...It's like _anything _is possible when we are together. He accepts me exactly as I am and I don't have to pretend for him. He needs me and I need him and we just _work _together.

I don't plan on giving that up for anything.

If we can only be together secretly, then I am okay with that. So I'm keeping this big secret from Dad and I know I shouldn't. I know it will hurt him. That was what he hated most about my apprenticeship after all. The secrecy. But I just don't see any way around it.

I know this is going to be an argument between us in the future – and so I didn't wish to argue with him now. Instead I just agreed with him and told him that he could help me 'weed out the rubbish' if he so wished. He'd already helped me strongly discourage Han after all. Dad smiled at that and offered his _boy-frightening services _to me, any time I needed them.

-o-

Dad was waved over by some of the northern water tribe men. I was not included in this discussion – as I am still _not equipped with a willy _and am therefore unable to offer an opinion in any discussion involving northern men. However, I quickly saw Ty Lee, who was standing with Mai and beckoning me frantically. I wandered over to see what she wanted.

Ty Lee explained that she and Aang had both been meditating and had made contact with who they wanted to speak to. Aang seemed to be having _a great chat _to whoever he had summoned (Aang has _great chats_ with the servant who brings us breakfast, so this is no surprise). Ty Lee had not been quite so successful. Avatar Kyoshi had not been chatty at all. She had left Ty Lee feeling very confused. Ty Lee was looking more glum than I have ever seen her actually. This made me feel a little worried.

Mai cut in and explained to me, in her usual deadpan tone, that she needed me to tell Ty Lee that Suki would **not** be furious with her if she chose to leave the warriors. Apparently Ty Lee is having a small crisis over that – and Mai had been unable to assuage her fears over disappointing Suki. Because I had known Suki longer, I needed to tell Ty Lee it would be okay. I did.

Mai looked at Ty Lee and said _see? Even Bossy Hairloops says Suki wont be mad. It's really going to be fine. Suki is not like Azula – just tell her you want out. _I bristled a bit at being called Bossy Hairloops (but perhaps I deserve it considering how many times I called Mai Gloomy Hairbuns). But I put those irritated feelings aside and tried to reassure Ty Lee – because I could see that she was stressing out a bit.

I told her that if the Kyoshi warriors wasn't for her, then that was really fine. It wasn't for everyone. Ty Lee confessed that she didn't know what was for her. Mai made an exasperated little huff, and said that Ty Lee had always gone on about how the circus was for her. Why couldn't she just go back to the circus? She was happy there. Ty Lee said that you couldn't ever really go back. She certainly couldn't at least. The circus was too joyous and she wasn't fit for it any more. Mai protested that Ty Lee was the most joyous person she knew. Mai thought that Ty Lee should just do what would make her happy.

Ty Lee disagreed. She had a 'stain on her aura' from all the bad things she did with Azula. People with stains on their aura had to atone. That was why she had been so keen to join the Kyoshi Warriors – but now she had made contact with Avatar Kyoshi and Avatar Kyoshi had told her that she didn't belong with the warriors either. Now she was feeling a bit lost.

Mai asked if she was also feeling a bit drunk? Mai was most sceptical over Ty Lee's conversation with Avatar Kyoshi. She seems to think it has been brought about by too much saki – not meditation. Ty Lee is adamant that it was real. I could see this being a fruitless tangent. So I tried to redirect the conversation back on track.

I asked what it was about the circus she had really liked? I said that if she thought about what she really liked about that – it might help her figure out what she should do now. She could use what she liked about the circus and her desire to atone and put them together and see what happened. If she followed her heart, it wouldn't lead her astray.

Ty Lee thought for a second and then said that she had really liked travelling and meeting new people. And she always got to be high up because of her trapeze act. She got to feel the wind on her face. Even after all this time she still got a thrill when she sailed through the air. It was like what she imagined flying would be like. I couldn't think of any job that would be like that... aside from being a trapeze artist in a circus. So I wasn't sure how to continue the conversation.

Thankfully however, a solution presented itself in the form of an ecstatic Aang. He came scooting in at rapid speed, very excitedly. He scooted right over to Ty Lee and was almost beside himself with joy, announcing that it had worked for him – he'd just had the most amazing conversation with Monk Gyasto and everything was wonderful! Everything was shiny! Everything was beautiful!

Despite all this effusive joy, Aang was perturbed about why Ty Lee had looked sad and run away earlier. Ty Lee didn't seem to want to bring Aang down. So she just quickly explained that Avatar Kyoshi had been a bit severe with her, and now she wasn't sure what she should do with herself - but she was so, so , so incredibly and ridiculously happy for Aang.

Aang wouldn't let her dismiss her conversation with Kyoshi so easy. He wanted to cheer her up so he told her that Avatar Kyoshi had always been a bit severe with him too. She thought he was a bit flighty. Ty Lee's eyes widened. Avatar Kyoshi had said the same thing to her – she was too flighty to be a Kyoshi warrior. But she didn't know how else she could cleanse the stain on her aura!

Aang nodded sagely like Ty Lee was actually talking sense while Mai and I both watched them feeling rather bemused. It was like when they used to talk about the lion turtle or spent ages debating _"if you were a colour, what colour would you be an why?"._ Their conversation makes no sense to anybody else, but both of them seem to enjoy it. Right now they prattled at each other about auras, spirits and talking to people who had been dead for over 100 years... like it was a normal conversation to have.

Aang announced that Ty Lee was unsure about what to do with her time now, she could always help him find the other airbenders – if she wanted to. That was a big job and Monk Gyatso had said that Aang would need help. I was most intrigued by this. Many questions were asked.

Aang explained to the three of us that in his conversation with Gyatso, he had found out that **he wasn't the last airbender. **The three of us all showed various degrees of joy at this announcement. Aang was just beside himself with happiness and was flitting around excitedly even more than usual.

He told us that Gyatso had reassured him that he wasn't the last – but wouldn't give Aang any more clues (no matter how much Aang pleaded for names and locations). Apparently the remaining airbenders were all scattered. Some were hiding and some were untrained and completely unaware that they were airbenders. Gyatso had said that finding them would be one of Aang's greatest adventures – but the journey would be so much more rewarding if Aang had to find them for himself using his own ingenuity.

Gyatso had let Aang know that there was an airbender at this party. So Aang was going to use all his ingenuity to discover who it was – using the detective powers of Dance! Aang frequently gets teased by Zuko, Sokka and Toph for his belief that **dance solves all of life's problems. **It is as strong as Iroh's belief that tea solves all of life's problems. The fact that Aang would use dance to try and solve this conundrum did not surprise me.

There was sound logic behind this method. Aang explained that no air nomad could resist dancing – they wouldn't be able to help themselves if some boppy music came on. So he was going to try and turn this evening into a dance party (even though it has always been more a sombre dance-free occasion back at the Air temples). The dance would be **a trap** – a way of luring whoever the airbender was out into the open.

Aang wanted Ty Lee to help him with his dance trap because she was such a good dancer! She volunteered readily. Indeed the prospect of dancing made her seemingly forget her crisis of Kyoshi-ness, because she was instantly her usual bouncy self. Aang went off to harangue the musicians into playing something more up-tempo and then he and Ty Lee started dancing up a storm in the middle of the room. Their antics quickly drew a crowd. They both started pulling in hapless passer-bys into the dance. Soon a conga line had started.

Aang's ability to turn almost any occasion into a dance party has to be some sort of bending skill. It's** party bending** – a previously undiscovered art. The conga line went past us. At some point Jet had joined the conga line. He gave me a wink as he went past and I gave him my** most scolding** Look – but it was like _water off an idiot's back_ to him. Mai muttered _I hate that guy _under her breath next to me.

Our mutual dislike of Jet may be the only thing we have in common. Aside from a mutual...errr... like of Zuko. But I try not to think on that because it makes me feel all weirdly jealous. Jealous that he got to do boyfriend/girlfriendy things with her out in the open and didn't have to be so secretive. (Jealous that he did boyfriend/girlfriendy things with her at all, just quietly). I agreed that Jet was a jerk and I was going to do my best to get rid of him.

I had been planning on taking Jet aside as soon as I got the chance. I was going to explain _sensibly_ all the reasons why he should go. I was reasonable and convincing – I was sure I could persuade Jet that it was in his best interest to fuck off and stop being a jerk. Mai however, had a very different method for Jet removal.

She explained that she was 'already on it'. She had been spreading rumours that she and Jet had had a secret thing that had _all ended in terrible debauchery, the loss of her innocence and a kinky threesome with a midget_. She'd sowed the seeds with the General and one of Star's friends. Jet was only here by the grace of those nitwits to begin with.

Mai was using the fact that she was firenation (and therefore all of the Earth Kingdom hoity toities just assumed that _debauchery_ would be right up her street) and Jet was impoverished (she'd played on the _class thing _big time – according to Mai, snobby types always loved being assured of their own moral superiority) and her convincing emotionless tone to her advantage. Star's friend and General Pang had believed every word she'd said (they had been especially appalled and fascinated by the mythical midget threesome).

She explained that spreading nasty rumours about Jet amongst those hoity toity ladies and the Generals was the best way of getting rid of him and simultaneously making sure that they thought him (and by extension all the rumours he was spreading about Zuko) a bit ridiculous.

She spoke about Zuko with this almost protective tone, which struck me as a little odd. I mean she was **such a bitch** to him when they were going out. I kind of thought she'd be a bit bitter and an even bigger bitch to him now that they'd broken up. But instead she was trying to be a good friend to him, and I couldn't help but admire her a little for that - however flawed I found her methods.

I mean... I just felt like we should set a good example and try and be the bigger people. Retaliating to Jet's malicious lies with **even bigger **malicious lies wasn't good. Mai rolled her eyes when I said that. I just pointed out that I felt that her plan meant that we were **stooping** to Jet's level. Mai just said, in a vaguely patronising voice _sometimes, Bossy Hairloops, you have to fight fire with fire._

Fighting fire with fire is a popular phrase in the firenation...I guess for obvious reasons. I mean, up until recently, it was how they solved practically every I felt it was an unnecessarily flammable approach.

I reiterated the benefits of me reasoning with Jet. It would quietly resolve the situation. I was quite sure of my ability to persuade him to piss off. Mai said _well good luck with that _very sarcastically. She offered that I could _try my way_ and she would _try hers_ and we would see who got rid of Jet sooner.

The winner gets **the glory of being right. **

I very much enjoy the glory of being right.

-o-

I have gotten into the habit of instantly wanting to share all big news with Zuko. It's just my first reflex now. I just wanted to have a quick chat to Zuko about everything that was going on with Mai and Aang and Tylee. Was that too much to ask? Well,** it was** right at this moment. He was across the room, talking to a group of Earth Kingdom leaders (Bumi was amongst them). June was with him. It looked like Iroh and Toph had broken off and were talking to the Dowager.

I saw him across the room. From this angle he was all stiff posture and a tight behind. Mmmmhhhhhh. There he was. My sneaky, secret..._person I do sneaky, naughty things with_... Is he my secret _boyfriend_? Do we count as boyfriend and girlfriend if it is so secret? I mean, can I even _call_ him my boyfriend – even if I can only call him that in my head? I don't even know. We really need to have some sort of conversation about this.

But we didn't get to have much conversation about anything at this juncture.

I wanted to tell him about Aang and finding out there were still other airbenders out there. This is just the most enormous and fantastic new for him and it hasn't really sunk in for me – what it all means. I am hoping with all my heart that what Aang saw was actually a spirit; not the product of his imagination. I know how badly he misses his people. That much longing can make our minds play tricks on us. I am so worried – what if he is getting his hopes up over nothing? But do I have the right to voice this worry and potentially dash his hopes, when there could very well be more airbenders out there?

I wanted to give Zuko a heads up about Aang and Ty Lee's ridiculous** dance-trap idea** and Mai's underhanded scheming to get rid of Jet. I wanted to get Jet out of this party as much as anyone else, but the way that Mai was going about it was just a little bit...sneaky. I also wanted to find a secret and secluded place and just...snog him senseless and tell him how proud I was that he was doing his best at keeping it together despite_ incredibly trying_ circumstances.

But I didn't get to do any of that because he was so busy firelording it up and explaining his efforts and plans for war crimes tribunals and all of that sort of thing. I know I shouldn't feel resentful about not being able to just grab Zuko and talk to him whenever I please. I mean I know he has very important things to do and all of that... but still.

I think I got a bit _too used _to just always having him around on Ember Island. And now I have to _share him_ with all these people – some of whom are **just bastards. **And they **eat up all his time** – and_ that is time that we could be spending together._ Our time together is so fleeting as it is. So even though I know I shouldn't feel resentful about having to share him – I still do.

-o-

The last General that Zuko and June were talking to eventually wandered off. I was going to interrupt them then, but as soon as the other guy left June started talking about Mai. Because I am so nosy, and I really wanted to know what was going on there – I opted to eavesdrop instead of interrupt their conversation. June was saying that she just wanted to take a moment to thank Zuko for suggesting Mai. June had to admit that Mai was perfect for the job. Zuko made the usual I-told-you-so murmurings.

June then said _you know, Mai really is a great girl, but I can __**easily**__ see why it wouldn't work out between you two. _This seemed to spark Zuko's interest, and he said _oh really? What made is __**so**__**obvious?**_ June replied that Mai was tall, with nice bone structure, she tried to be dignified all the time, and she was very sarcastic... Zuko interrupted her list with an incredulous _and those are bad things? _June explained_ she's just the girl version of you pouts._ _Ying needs a yang – not another ying. Think about it. _ She said this like she was offering the deepest wisdom Zuko would ever hear in his life (but I think Zuko is used to that tone because he hears it all the time from his Uncle).

_Ying and Yang is harmony. Ying Ying is a stage name name for a tawdry Ba Sing Se showgirl _she continued sagely. Zuko asked _Wait, are you comparing me and Mai's relationship to a tawdry stage act?_ June grinned wickedly at him and said _if the sequins fit..._Zuko gave her a light swat with the scroll he was holding. Then he smiled at her asked with faux sincerity _Any more wisdom for me oh famous and wise bounty hunter?_

June did not have any more wisdom, but she did have a whiskey sour for him instead. Zuko took the proffered drink and said _Whiskey is always a good substitute for wisdom. _June said it wouldn't make him wiser, but it might cheer him up. They chinked glasses. Then June said she had something else that'd cheer Zuko up. Her wicked grin was back as she said _your ex-boyfriend just got slapped... twice. _We all turned around to see Jet get slapped a third time by some irate looking, nicely clad girl. Zuko chortled in a self-satisfied manner and said _actually, that does cheer me up. _

Just at that moment Aang came over in a tizz of excitement. He asked Zuko to do the Dancing Dragon with him. Zuko quickly said _no._ Aang made a pleading face at him and asked again (as if Zuko's answer would magically change upon application of the pleading face.) The answer was now _hello no_. Aang started bouncing up and down and babbling about dance traps and airbenders loved variety in dance and dances from all over the world. He needed to lure out the other airbender.

Zuko looked monumentally confused for a second. He silently mouthed _the other airbender?_ Then his face got stern and he asked Aang in a serious voice, _Aang have you been drinking grown up drinks again? _Aang replied no. Aang had already told everyone Zuko would do it. Aang really wanted to show everyone the dancing dragon and show them that firebending wasn't inherently violent ...aaaaand it was Aang's birthday after all (technically true, but really the airnomad celebration takes place over a week...so maybe birthweek is more appropriate).

June chimed in with a snide _Aaw it's his birthday Pouts._ Aang seemed to think that this was winning argument, now that he had some back up from June, so he repeated the birthday thing. June said _you can't say no to the poor kid on his birthday!_ Zuko gave her a chiding look and then his glass (after he downed his drink quickly with a mumbled _fuckit_) before he agreed to participating in the dance-trap!

Aang was quite jubilant. Zuko was resigned. He sighed in the long suffering way of his. This was the sigh that normally precedes an exclamation like _what's one more humiliation?_ Or _Why is this my life? Why me and not some other arsehole? _He joined the dancing fracas that was occurring at the other end of the hall. Sensing that it would be a short while before I got the chance to talk to him again, I opted to try and get rid of Jet instead.

-o-o-o-

So Jet is nuts.

Is this a recent development? Or was he _this _crazy when I first met him and I just didn't notice? I tried to do the reasonable thing – but he's so unreasonable! It's like trying to reason with the Unagi...no, Jet's not as scary as the Unagi. It's like reasoning with a rambunctious, un-potty trained toddler who has just mastered the word "no".

I sidled over to Jet and politely suggested he bugger off now (and listed all the reasons why this was a prudent course of action. **Toph induced bodily harm **was right up there as reason). Jet politely declined to do the sensible thing. He was having too much fun here. There was free booze, free food, and he had made Zuko want to throw himself off the district walls in annoyance – so all in all, Jet was having a great night and didn't see any reason to leave.

Jet had been looking just over my shoulder as he said all this. Suddenly his eyes lit up – all malicious and curious. He started muttering _what are you up to now? u_nder his breath. But this question wasn't addressed to me. I turned around to see Zuko talking to Iroh. Jet was staring at him intently... like a staring person who stares...in a creepy way.

I tried to divert Jet's attention back to me and my attempts to persuade him to leave. I invoked the names of Smellerbee and Longshot and asked him where they were. I knew they wanted Jet to keep himself out of trouble. Jet told me that they thought he was nuts for coming (and they are not alone in this). But he wasn't paying really attention to me. He was still staring at Zuko while he grumbled _Fucking firebenders! You know what I think, we should make them all wear something that identifies them. Like a team uniform. It would say __**Team Lying, Violent fuckwits**__ on the front, and then have their __**REAL name **__on the back. _I was not going to dignify this suggestion with an answer.

But there was something that absolutely could not go ignored by me a moment longer. _Jet was totally checking out Zuko's arse_. It is hard enough to talk to someone when they are preoccupied with perving – but it is impossible for me to conduct a conversation with someone when they are perving on** my secret boyfriend. **Look, I _get _the urge to perve (oh boy, do I get it) – but I don't want anyone else to checking out Zuko **but me!**

I pointed out that Jet needed to stop checking out Zuko's arse and concentrate on the conversation at hand. Jet got protesty and claimed that he wasn't checking out Zuko's...anything. This was so patently untrue that I had to rebut with _you were just doing it right then. You were __**staring right at it! **_

He **was** staring right at it – I'm not making this up.

Jet got snarky back and said _Only because it's __**so huge,**__ you can't help but stare at it. _ But he was still staring – and he made a wistfully little sigh too! I pointed this out – Jet denied it again. Our conversation went round in circles for a little while. ( Me: _You're starring again! _Jet:_ No, I wasn't! _ Me: _You were! You still are. etc)_

I tried to end the terrible cycle. I pointed out that Zuko just wasn't that into Jet (a euphemism – I didn't want to come out and say "he wants to kill you with a snack tray – so stop perving on him"). I said that I knew it must be hard for Jet to fancy him and be perpetually disappointed but…

Jet cut me off with a very impassioned and irate tirade about how he Was. Not. Gay. For. Zuko! He was the least gay person on the planet. He didn't know why everyone was just assuming he was gay for Zuko. I could hazard a few guesses. The first of which being that Jet said he was telling people that they had been together as some sort of bizarre and freaky revenge plan (the devious depths of which I cannot fathom).

Jet told me _I just said that to fuck with him. I wouldn't really do that!...And you can't really think I actually fancy him. He's not even my type. I would never like someone with hair that crap. Like seriously, look at how lame it is. He __**didn't even try**__ with it tonight. _Zuko's hair was just out – not in a top knot or anything.

Then Jet said something unkind about how he reckoned Zuko wore his hair like that because it covered the scar better. He said a few choice things about the scar and how he could never fancy Zuko because of it. I lost my reasonable tone. I just got so mad. I was going to be calm the whole time – but all that went out the window.

There were **very harsh words **from me (about the various ways that Jet was a monumental prick). Then I stooped to a rather petty level and bent the ice in my drink down his back. Jet made a little noise of dismay and did a little ice dislodging dance. I told him next time_ it would be his goolies._ I told him I could bend bodily fluids and **freeze his balls rock solid** (not sure if this is possible but Jet doesn't need to know that).

Jet looked a bit worried during my angry tirade. Then he gave me a funny look and asked me if I was_ sweet _on him – with a nod in Zuko's direction. He looked very suspicious in the face of my over-protective rant and threats. I denied it fiercely. I didn't want to give anything away to Jet of all people. I denied that there was any _sweetness_ between Zuko and I – but we were friends (just friends – really!) and I didn't let anyone say unkind things about my friends.

Jet made a disgusted face at that and said that he couldn't believe that I was cozying up to the firenation and "making friends" with firebenders. Me of all people. He accused me of _fraternising with the enemy. _I pointed out that they weren't the enemy any more. Jet disagreed vehemently. According to Jet, all firebenders are bad. They will perpetually be our collective enemies. I told him that he couldn't just say that! He couldn't just dismiss a whole nation full of people.

I used to feel that way too I guess. Sokka and I just assumed that everyone in the firenation was bad. But all that changed for me when we actually went there. Even before I got to know Zuko, I got to see that the firenation is made up with people not dissimilar from us. Some are good, some are bad and most are just trying to get by. I wanted to make Jet see that as well. Just because someone was from the firenation didn't automatically make them Jet's enemy.

I pointed out that there were good people and bad people in every nation. Sure there are some bad firebenders our there – but there are some really good ones too. Zuko was a good person. I thought that surely even someone as crazy as Jet must realise this. But I had given Jet way too much credit.

Jet disagreed again and said that all firebenders were liars who were capable of tricking people into thinking they were good when **they were really evil. **He looked a little sadly down and his cup and lost some of his bravado when he confessed _You know, I was like you once. I met this real nice firebender. He helped me and smellerbee and longshot out. At the time, I just thought he was being kind. I thought... you know... maybe firebenders aren't all bad._

I thought we were reaching a breakthrough point in this conversation (which had gotten a little deeper than I was expecting in a conversation with Jet). Jet told me that his belief that firebenders could be good was _very short lived. _They found out later that the man who had helped them was actually called the **Butcher of the Southwall **– because he killed so many earthbenders in the battle of the South Retaining Wall during the siege of Ba Sing Se. Sometimes he killed up to eighty a day. (this is apparently what Jet refers to as a _legit statistic_). The Butcher was kind to them – but he was also a ruthless cold blooded killer. Just because the butcher was kind to them, it didn't mean that all those men he killed didn't matter, and it didn't make him any less firenation.

I wanted to try and get him away from these big sweeping generalisations about the firenation. I reiterated that he shouldn't talk like that. Maybe the Butcher was bad – but Zuko was not him. Jet didn't need to take it out on him. Not all firebenders are evil. Once again Jet and I disagreed.

He claimed that all firebenders are evil and it's _just how they are_. Black hair and blacker hearts, the lot of them. He said that at least most of them have the gumption to own their evilness – but the firebenders who pretend to be good are the worst! According to Jet, the very worst thing about the Butcher was that he'd promised Jet that the war would be over in six months. He said in six months he'd come back help get some justice for what happened to Jet's village. Jet sniffed and took a big gulp of his drink and confessed _I actually waited. Like an idiot. But he was too busy slaughtering __people to make good on anything he promised us. _

That was why Jet wouldn't ever trust a "good" firebender again. That's why firebenders who pretend to be good are **the worst. **They** make you like them** before they turn around and stab you in the back, just to make the stabbing hurt a lot more. He gave me an arch look and said _You think Zuko's so great now – but how do you even know what he's really capable of? _

I instantly thought_ because I know him._ I've seen Zuko at his best and at his worst. I've seen how hard he tries, even though nothing ever goes right for him. I've seen the depth of his compassion and the strength of his determination. But someone like Jet would never appreciate any of that. No, someone like Jet would just see the firenation crest on his shirt and think that crest told him everything he needed to know about Zuko. He sees that label and he just stops looking.

This whole_ "the entire firenation is evil and we must hate them forever"_ attitude is **so prevalent** here. It is driving me bonkers. I hate how everything always gets framed in this whole **every nation vs the firenation**. We need to work together for peace, but instead there is just an endless cycle of us vs them. People with this attitude, people like Jet; they just_ carry _the war with them. They bring the war with them wherever they go.

Jet hates the firenation so strongly. I had been going about this the wrong way and I had been trying to talk him out of hating a whole nation full of people, when I should have been concentrating on just trying to get him to leave Zuko alone. Jet has always hated the firenation passionately – but his hatred is just so much more _concentrated _with Zuko.

I asked him, point-blank why he even hated Zuko so much, in a slightly accusatory tone. Jet answered simply _Because he came into my life and completely fucked it up. So now I am going to devote my life to fucking things up for him. _ I told him that he was going to need a new life goal, if he wanted to avoid meeting my displeasure and ice-goolies.

Jet did not respond how I thought he would to the veiled threat. Instead he gave me a cheeky wink and insinuated that he thought I was thinking _a little too much on his gonads_. I reacted with disgust and said that he was incorrigible and I didn't know what I ever saw in him in the first place. He gave me another smile and said dryly _you must have fancied me for my money._

I couldn't help it. I smiled at him. It was quite witty really. Jet drives me bonkers. But he also makes me laugh. He is so frustrating. He's so crazy and so unreasonable – but I wont ever be able to hate him. Moments like this actually remind me of why I liked him. He was so charming, and so quick-witted. He was the first boy I ever fancied and the first boy whoever told me that I was beautiful.

In some ways we are quite similar. Jet is a bit like me, before I faced Yon Rha.

Before I faced Yon Rha, like Jet, I had all this anger dammed up inside me. He still has all this anger and hatred and this constant thirst for justice – justice that will potentially never come. And those feelings are trapped in him. We both had to push those feelings down to take care of people. I had to take care of my Dad and Sokka (and then Aang and Toph). He had to take care of a whole tribe of orphans.

It eats away at you, the injustice of it. It ate away at me at least. And that feeling becomes even more poisonous the more it is pushed down. With Jet, all that anger has been coursing through his veins for years without any chance or hope of release – it's turned him bitter.

I look at him and think _that could have been me._

I can't hate Jet. I pity him. I also wish to strangle him – so this is a bit of an odd combination.

However the urge to strangle came violently to the forefront of my mind with Jet's next question. Because our conversation had taken a somewhat flirty turn, Jet seemed to consider it appropriate to ask me if I would consider a threesome. **With him and Zuko. **I was most indignant (and a bit confused) by this request.

According to Jet, we should all do a threeway because:

It's not gay in a three way.

He had heard that Zuko was into them.

He could tell that Zuko was into me.

We should just get a threesome out of the way now.

We were all hot people.

Everybody wins!

I was resolutely unconvinced by Jet's reasons. I said _no_ rather vehemently. Jet took my rejection of his threesome suggestion in stride. He said that it was cool that I didn't want to threesome. But what did I say to _him and me. _He gave me a very flirty look, and said (in what he must have thought was a seductive tone of voice) that _we could just pick up where we left off._ He reached over to touch my face while he said this.

I was about to step back and decline Jet's offer – but right at this point I heard Zuko shout _Oh I will fucking__** kill **__you! _He must have been close by because suddenly he was there punching Jet in the face. There was much ado. They had a small squabble which spilled into the garden. I gave them an icy splash again, but they both ignored it. They were so intent on beating each other up.

June and Mai had come over from somewhere almost instantly. The fight didn't last very long after their arrival. Right then, Zuko had Jet in a headlock. Jet opened his mouth and **licked** Zuko's forearm in response. Zuko dropped him like a hot potato and looked monumentally revolted as he said _Oh my fuck, you licked me?! _He said this with a great deal of surprise and disgust. They were standing slightly apart now and Mai took advantage of the moment. Her knives sailed through the air and pinned them both back to the garden wall. June nodded and said _impressive. _

Jet was most irate at being pinned to a wall by Mai's knives. He said _What is it with you and the knives wenchy! You could have stabbed me! _Mai rolled her eyes and said something along the lines of _whatever, with my mad knife skills I could unbutton your shirt from here if I wanted. _Jet's tone changed and he winked at her and said she could come over and unbutton it the old fashioned way, if she wanted. He seemed to think that flirting with her would put her off. But Mai was nonplussed by the suggestion.

Zuko, however, was a bit irate. He asked _Do you ever stop? Or do you just walk around going _(he tried to do Jet's debonair voice here and did a fairly good impression) _I'm Jet – do you want to fuck me? Sure you do! **Everybody wants to fuck me!** In fact, I wanted to fuck me so bad that **I fucked myself** right before coming here. _

Jet was a bit miffed. He protested that he didn't sound like that. And Zuko couldn't talk anyway, because he wandered around like (Jet also tried to do an impression of Zuko here) _I'm Lee...Or am I? Maybe I'm Zuko. What the hell, I have so many aliases even I lose track sometimes. The only thing you get to know about me is that I am so fit and mysterious and I like alley shags._

This was actually kind of an entrancing display. Watching them impersonate each other.

Mai whispered something to June during the impersonations. June threw her head back and laughed crazily. Mai smiled a faint little smile when June was laughing. She actually looks almost pretty when she smiles. Mai dropped her smile moments later and said to June that they should...and she nodded in Jet's direction. June agreed, suddenly all business like, and turned to Jet and said _alright Jackass, you're coming with me._

Jet refused- citing that he was a guest of General Pang and Sexypants (meaning June) couldn't make him leave. June explained that there had been some _unfortunate rumours _circulating about Jet that made General Pang wish to remove him from his daughter's society. Mai gave me the smuggest look here. The Glory of Being Right goes to her. Boo!

June continued by saying that when the good General had found out that June worked in 'private security' he had charged her with the mission of 'removing Jet' back to the district from whence he came, in an quiet and orderly fashion. Jet was most baffled by this turn of events.

Mai said flatly that she had just simply told everyone about their torrid affair. Jet was a bit cross, because he'd never had a torrid affair with Mai. A slightly cheeky tone crept into Maki's voice as she said _that's the thing about spreading rumours. It's your word against mine._ She'd explained that she'd told the good General all about how they had a threesome with a midget. On a billiards table, while gambling on horses, and drinking moonshine.

Jet got most irate at this and glared at Mai like he was trying to make her burst into flames. He said that she would have to ladle the whole bottle of moonshine down his throat to get him to sleep with her. Mai shrugged _and yet the General still has decided that he doesn't want his daughter hanging out with your kind. _

Mai then looked at June as if a bit unsure what to do next. June gave her a nod of encouragement and said that this one was _all hers._ She should think of it as a training exercise. She could show June how she would handle escorting an uncooperative dickwad. (Most of June's jobs are about escorting uncooperative dickwads after all).

Mai turned back to the boys and wandered over to them. She let Zuko out of the knives. He said something to her but she said_ I got this _with surprising firmness. The she faced Jet and put her hands on her hips and said_ Okay dirtbag, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. _Jet got very irate and said that Wenchy could do her worst - he wasn't afraid of her. Mai drew herself up to her full height (she's actually the same height as the boys. I guess being so tall will come in handy if she has to manhandle Jet all the way back to the lower ring.) She said_ the hard way then _like she** relished** the prospect.

Quick as a flash, she'd taken out her knives from Jet's clothes and grabbed Jet by his ears in what must have been a _wrenching_ hold. She looked like Gran Gran at her most stern. Jet tried to wiggle from her grasp as they walked off, but he couldn't shake her. He was protesting at this rather painful method of escorting ( _Ow, fucking ow woman, don't you know what Ow means!) _Mai seemed a little **too pleased **with this reaction. I have actually never seen her enjoy herself quite so much.

She said cheerfully and snidely _yeah, that's what I thought. And if you don't behave, I'm going to tie you up and punish you. _Jet said something about how this was 'kinky' and made a few choice comments about Mai's sexual preferences (_bet you topped! bet you like to crack the whip! Did he let you walk on his face? Etc_) Mai squeezed his ears tighter – Jet protested some more, June followed them – offering "suggestions" to Mai on her manhandling style. The three of them went round the corner, like some bizarre sassy procession, and disappeared from sight.

-o-

I could tell Zuko was at the end of his tether, party-wise. He's not that into parties to begin with – which makes all the schmoozy political stuff he has to do kind of tricky. I reckon he has about two hours of party in him until he just** hates** it. And that is when the party is going well!

Everything had certainly not gone well for him tonight. He was all cross and ansty and full of Jet-induced rage. He always complains that he is just going to explode with frustration. I used to dismiss it as him being melodramatic – but tonight, I felt like it was a genuine possibility. All night he'd be dealing with barely concealed disdain for him, his uncle, his ideas and his nation. and Jet. There is only so much of that a person can take.

I decided to take him away... somewhere else.

Thankfully, no one was paying attention to us at this moment. Most of the boy's fight had taken place in garden and not in ballroom. It had been such a quick little squabble anyway. The party was in full on dance-party mode, so their little fracas had gone mostly unnoticed. So many people were milling about, drunk and giggly. People where shaking their hands in the air like the just didn't care.

If we were every going to slip away, the time would be now, when everyone else was busy.

I looked around for everyone we knew. Aang and Ty Lee were having some sort of "dance off" in the centre of the room. There was the ridiculously cute sight of Iroh spinning Toph around. Sokka and Suki were slow dancing off to the side (even though it was a fast song). Dad was talking to Kuei and it looked like they were having some sort of deep conversation. No one would notice us making a hasty retreat now.

-o-

I took him to the park (Silver River Section this time). One the way I heard a **jealous rant of jealousy **about Jet from Zuko. I heard all about how_ he was a pratface, and what was I doing with him? and did I like him more than Zuko? I did – didn't I? Was it because everyone thought Jet was "so charming"? What was so charming about being a lying pratface? etc._

There's this whole insecure, jealous, possessive side to Zuko that I haven't see much previously. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I like that he feels a bit possessive over me, because I feel a bit possessive over him. I don't like that this possessiveness implies that he doesn't trust me. I've never given Zuko a reason not to trust me – so I pointed out how unnecessary the jealousy was. I'd **never cheat on him** and I didn't like his insinuation that I would.

Zuko seemed a bit taken aback when I said that. He tried to explain that he knew Jet and I had "a history" and he saw us talking together for ages and ages and then Jet was touching my face and he just lost it. It made him so mad. (I had gathered that – from the ensuing brawl). I told him that I had been trying to persuade Jet to leave and to stop hating on the firenation – that was why the conversation took so long. Jet was the one who had gotten flirty with me, but that didn't mean that I reciprocated. I repeated that I'd never cheat on Zuko, especially not with Jet. If I cheated on Zuko with Jet – then we'd **both **be thinking about Zuko the whole time. (How weird would that be?) Furthermore, and most importantly; I wouldn't **do that **to Zuko. Ever.

On that note, Zuko took a step towards me and closed the distance between us. He grabbed my face and kissed me fiercely. He did this so abruptly that it took me by surprise.

It was an intense **I-have-to-kiss-you-now **sort of kiss, full of longing and heat. I kissed him back like I had been wanting to kiss him all night. We kissed for a long time. I was cupping his face with both hands and stroking his cheeks softly. One of his hands was in my hair and the other had made its way down to my butt. Now that groping was on the menu, one of my hands snaked under his shirt to stroke his abs.

Then because I was feeling a bit cheeky, I tickled him slightly. He pulled away, surprised. I tickled more firmly and said that this tickling offensive was **punishment for him not trusting me** (but it was also mostly because I love that cheeky little snorty giggle he does when he gets tickled.) We had a smal tickly struggle. He tried to run away from the tickle-monster. I tackled him into the river.

There was an undignified splash fight.

Then a truce.

Then some more kissing

This is our firs_t wet while standing waist deep in a river_ kiss. Something about the water made it seem more sensual. Or maybe I just felt that way because water is my element after all. The water was refreshingly cool. Zuko is ridiculously hot (in both senses of the word). I just loved feeling the warmth of him and the chill of the water around us. It was nice.

I pulled away from the kiss and leaned my forehead against his for a moment. I said that he just had to trust me. _Whatever this was between us_ could only work if _we trusted each other_. Could he try and trust me more and not get so jealous? I gave him a searching look. He looked uncertain for a moment and then said simply _I can try. _That is good enough for me.

-o-

We dried off and sat on the rocks near the river's edge and chatted about all the shenanigans of this evening. I told him about my bet with Mai (and how the Glory of Being Right has now gone to her. Boo). I told him how my idea that a reasonable approach to the problem with Jet had been thwarted by Jet's unreasonableness. How I had unsuccessfully tried to convince Jet not to hate all firenation people. I had a small rant about the prevalence of this attitude and how ridiculous I found it. Zuko just shrugged and said _you get used to it _ in this resigned tone of voice.

He told me that he had been dealing with this attitude ever since he got banished. He'd met with so much hatred everywhere they went during those three years of banishment. Everybody hates the firenation after all. He got used to it. He didn't like it, but he's come to just expect it. He says it doesn't bother him as much when he expects it (however it still sounded like it bothered him a fair bit). Zuko is so used to dealing with hostility that friendliness is really surprising and disarming for him. This makes me so sad for him.

We talked a bit about Aang and his dance trap. Zuko was still most confused about what is going on there. I told him about Aang's 'conversation' with Monk Gyatso; my delight for him if this is true coupled with my grave concern that this conversation with Gyatso could be Aang's imagination. Aang seems to think it is real and this vision has just given him endless joy. He never really talked about how he felt being the last airbender but I think it must have made him so sad. There must have been a deep, terrible sad that he never showed us – when just the possibility of more airbenders fills him with so much happiness.

Zuko was much more sceptical about this than I was. Perhaps this is because I was raised to believe that you **can **communicate with lost loved ones today. The watertribes have lots of traditions about communicating with the spirits to begin with. I am not so incredulous about the possibility of Aang talking to Gyatso. I am just worried all the same.

Zuko on the other hand, was raised in a culture that believes that spirits come to **eat children** today – so he is less inclined to think about sitting down and having a nice chat with them. Also he is much more distrustful of the spirits in general. He thinks that most spirits must be arseholes who just like messing with him. He is quite sure that this conversation is in Aang's head and is now very worried for Aang.

I pointed out that just because it is happening in Aang's head, doesn't mean it isn't real. All his spirit world journeys seem to take place in his head. I also pointed out that Ty Lee was also able to converse with a spirit after getting into a deeply meditative state. Zuko was still unconvinced. Ty Lee also has a highly developed imagination.

We had a small squabble about the possibility of communicating with spirits. I said that it had a lot of cultural significance for me, because it made me feel closer to my mother. Just the idea that she could hear me, even if only for one night, was very comforting. Zuko shouldn't knock it if he hadn't tried it.

Zuko was sorry for casting aspersions on my cultural traditions – but not sorry for his own opinion. He was most sceptical about spirit-world shenanigans. On the whole he found it was easier to rely on things you can see and touch. He thought it was better to trust your own judgement than ask for guidance from a spirit. Also the spirits were unrelenting bastards to him. I joked that if he believed that, then maybe he could try communicating with the spirits so that he could give them a good scolding and tell them that** he wasn't angry, just disappointed. **He made a face at me for that.

-o-

We ended up doing a little boat releasing ceremony together – because I wanted to show Zuko that it was not at all lame. I guess I also wanted to share a bit of my culture with him. The boat ceremony is so important to me. I guess I wanted him to at least try and understand it. Perhaps at the end of the day, it is neither here nor there if the spirits.._.if my mum _can really hear me. All that matters is that I think my mother can. That thought fills me with so much comfort.

The thing with Zuko and I is that we have so much in common. I thought that it didn't matter that we came from different places. But our cultures are **so different.** We think such different things. We have such different traditions. How can we reconcile all that difference? There's a lot of things I didn't think of (like differing holiday traditions).

Maybe this was why my Dad was so worried about Ming and Bato.

When you are infatuated with someone and you get caught up in the moment – it seems like these things don't matter, but they do.

I needed Zuko to at least try and understand these sorts of things from my perspective. I'm trying to understand the firenation after all. We have to try and meet each other halfway. To his credit, he didn't once take the piss when he realised how important this was to me. He even tried to help me a little boat ( a makeshift bundle of twigs and leaves).

Oh, I felt so much anticipation as I stood by the water's edge. I've never missed this. Even last year, I snuck down to the river when everyone else was asleep and just let one solitary leaf go. That night I told mum all about finding Aang, and the adventures we'd had and how I was going to learn waterbending. I told her about having hope and fighting for peace. I remember clearly how an eerie sense of calm and purpose settled over me after I let that leaf go. Regardless of all the chaos that was going on, in that moment, I felt sure and certain that I was on the right path.

Tonight as I stood by the pretend riverbank with Zuko next to me, I felt that same sense of tranquillity. I told my Mum all about how the war was over now, how I was now training to be come a doctor, how Sokka and Dad were doing. I told her a little bit about Zuko and introduced them. He said _hello, Katara's mum...it's err really nice to meet you_ to the bunch of twigs really awkwardly.

I didn't go into detail about us because he was standing right next to me, and that would have made gushing about him weird. Also I still don't know what to call _this thing between us. _I don't even know how to explain it. Hell, I don't even know what to call him.

When I had said everything I needed to say, I popped the little boat down on the water's surface and gave it a little push. I felt this warm, full and happy feeling in my heart. For once brief moment, I was all light and clean inside...completely unburdened. For the tiniest flash, I could almost imagine mum standing right ahead of us, smiling at me.

We stood watching the little bundle drift down the river. I reached over for Zuko's hand. He wrapped his fingers around mine. I was glad that I had chosen to share this with him.

I had a bit of an idea, and started picking up sticks to make another little boat – so that Zuko could also say what he wanted to say. Maybe he'd get to feel that happy, light feeling and wouldn't be so dismissive of communicating with spirits.

He was most resistant. He said that it was fine for me – but he didn't want to do it. Especially not for his mum. He couldn't do** that** ..._not until he knew for sure_...he didn't finish that sentence. But he didn't need to. I know how** not knowing** what happened to his mum eats away at him.

I got much more conciliatory. I was being a bit pushy after all. I know I have to work on not being pushy. I put the little bundle in his hand and told him that it was completely up to him. He didn't have to do it, if he didn't want to. I said that I had actually thinking about Lu Ten, because we'd been talking about him so much lately. Zuko could say anything he wanted to say to his cousin now.

He told me that this was stupid for him to do. Lu Ten wouldn't really be able to hear him. I said that was fair enough and if he felt that way he could just chuck the thing away and not say anything. Zuko didn't let it go. Instead he shrugged and asked _what am I supposed to say anyway? Dear Lu Ten, why the fuck weren't you more specific in your reports? how am I supposed to prove all your claims without you?_ I just calmly said that he could say that if he wanted to. That was the whole point of this. It was meant to be cathartic.

I had seen grown men address boats to a friend they had argued with. The argument would continue past death, because they'd give the boat a long diatribe and conclude by reminding their friend that they were _right all along._ This is taking "having the last word" to an irrational degree. Anyway the whole point was to be honest with a departed soul. If Zuko was cross at his cousin, then he could express that. Zuko protested that he wasn't _cross_ at his cousin. He just didn't see the point. He didn't know if Lu Ten could really hear him. I just said that if Zuko thought that he could, then what does it matter either way? Maybe it would be good for him to get some things off his chest. If his cousin was right here now – what would he want to say to him?

He looked away for a second, then said that if his cousin really was here, then Zuko would probably just say that he'd been reading all of Lu Ten's files. He'd want Lu Ten to know that he was _really trying. _He'd thank Lu Ten for always believing in him – and say that he hoped he could make his cousin proud.

There was a little pause and I nodded at him encouragingly. He gave me a bit of a cheeky grin and said _Then of course, I'd have to tell him all about my ridiculously bossy girlfriend who makes me do dumb things like this. _I stuck my tongue out at him, but then addressed the little bundle and said that if Lu Ten could hear us, I just wanted him to know that I was **not ridiculously bossy. **Lu Ten's cousin was** ridiculously stubborn **and just delighted in driving me crazy.

But then I realised that Zuko'd just called me his girlfriend inadvertently and I got all fluttery.

Maybe too fluttery.

I made "a big deal" of it...despite Zuko's protesting that I not make "a big deal".

But he'd just called me his girlfriend for the first time? How could I resist making "a big deal"?

Zuko got a bit embarrassed and set the boat down in the water – mostly for something to do, I guess. He got all awkward and said something along, the lines of _yeah... like whatever... so you're like my girlfriend... but isn't that like obvious already? From like all the kissing and stuff?_

I tried to explain my various conflicting thoughts on the matter. What even were we to each other? What was the protocol in a secret relationship? Is this even a real relationship if it is so secret? Did he want to go **secret-steady** with me? Could I call him my secret boyfriend? Etc.

Zuko let me know (in no uncertain terms) that I could call him my secret boyfriend. In his mind, even though this was all so secret, it was definitely a real.._.thing._ He thought we already were going steady, because he certainly didn't have anyone else on the side...unless I had other secret boyfriends I wasn't telling him about? (He said it like he was joking – but he kind of wasn't at the same time). I indulged his stupid jealousy and reassured him that he was the _only secret boyfriend for me. _

I then said that if we were going to go **secret steady**, I would feel much better if he asked me to go steady with him._ Being asked _would be much nicer than _him just assuming._ He indulged my neurotic crazy and asked me to go steady with him.

He was pretty convincing about it too.

Mmmmhhhhhh.

-o-

Oh, this is so embarrassing – but I just realised something!

If either Lu Ten or my Mum had been present, (ie if they were waiting about to collect spirit messages from us, _like I had always been taught_) then they would have seen _everything!_ Unless they blushed and averted their spirit-y gazes.

Oh bollocks!

They're probably chatting together in the spirit-world now, both of them irrationally worried that they are related to** groping deviant perverts who like to grope each other.**

-o-

Zuko walked me most of the way home. The party was still going, but most people were trickling away. Because the Royal forecourt was much more crowded, we said goodbye at the gate. (Well, in the bushes a little to the left of the gate, to be precise).

I went back into the party to "make an appearance" and also to check if my Dad was still there. If Dad noticed I was gone, he would have waited up for me. Dad had noticed, because he asked me where I had gotten to. I told a small half lie, and said that I had gone down to the park to release a little boat for Mum. I told Dad that I had wanted to do this alone (this is where the lie part comes into it). Dad looked so sad for a brief moment, and then he roughly kissed me on the forehead and hugged me tight.

I don't like lying to my Dad, so I ran away to bed pretty much straight after.

-o-

And I would have gone to bed too, had it not been for the brightest light coming from the garden and shining right into my room. I went out to investigate the source of this light. I found Sokka and Aang – they were both sitting in matching meditation poses.

The white light was emanating in this weird blob shape from around Sokka. I could barely look at it, it was so bright. I was worried about what was happening. But Aang was there and he was just being so calm. He was talking in a soft voice and trying to guide Sokka into a meditative state.

It must have worked, because suddenly the blob of light took shape. Yue, transparent, but still beautiful, was sitting next to Sokka bold as brass. She still glowed, but more dimly. So many emotions went across my brother's face as he looked at her. His first love. His lost love. Talking to Yue would mean so much to Sokka.

Aang got up and left them to it. He came over to me and took me by the hand and said we should give them "some privacy".

Goodness, am I _so nosy_ that even Aang is calling me on it now?

I didn't want to interrupt my brother and Yue. But I wanted to know what was going on. Aang walked me back to the water-tribe rooms and told me the Sokka had wanted to talk to Yue. He had come to Aang earlier in the night to ask if it was possible, and to ask for Aang's help because he was _no good _at mediating. Aang thought it would be better to wait for midnight, when the moon was high up in the sky. It should make connecting to it and focussing on Yue easier for Sokka.

Focussing on Yue had always been easy for Sokka.

Getting over her was another matter entirely.

I remember how haunted his face was, and how sad he was – after we lost her. Is this a good thing for him? Will talking to her help him? Or will it just make things worse? What is going on with him and Suki? Should I be worried?

Bugger it – I am worried!

I waited up for Sokka, and Aang waited up with me. Aang tried to reassure me that this would be a "good thing". It certainly had been a good thing for him – being able to talk to Gyatso. We talked a bit about that. Seeing Yue materialise right in front of my very own eyes does give Aang's tale of talking to Gyasto a lot more credence. I allowed myself to feel properly happy for Aang.

Maybe he really isn't the last airbender after all.

Aang is still delighted about this, despite the fact that his dance trap hadn't worked. He and Ty Lee had danced_ for hours,_ but he didn't feel even the faintest gust of airbending. But that was okay – he had plenty of other ideas. Gyasto had said that he had to figure out how to find the other airbenders on his own – and that in doing so, he would find enlightenment. So Aang was going to try and figure it out on his own. He's very optimistic about this.

We talked a little bit about what it all means, as we waited for Sokka. Aang seems to think that there must be some sort of colony of airbenders living in hiding somewhere, and perhaps they have been leaving clues for him. I listened to all his theories until we were both yawning widely.

Sokka came back some time later, with the most unreadable expression on his face. He noticed us waiting up for him, gave us a cursory good night and went off to bed; leaving all my questions unanswered.

But I guess when it comes to the spirits, there are never any simple answers.

-o-

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The notes:

Lovely wonderful readers! I am so sorry this chapter took so long to upload. I had a spot of real life happening. Thank you so much for being so patient with me! Also thanks to everyone who reviews! You guys know how much I love you – were it possible, I would invite you all over to my new flat and make you all whiskey sours* (they would be made with love) and serve you all cake and a fun time would be had by all.

* those of you who are under-age/don't drink could have the fruit punch instead.

So a few of my lovelies have pointed out my writer!fail, and that my timing is way off last chapter. The winter solstice happens before the Jeong Jeong episode – you are all very correct. I do not dispute this. However, I am going to employ my magical handwave for the timing of the winter solstice episode - because season 1 seems quite confused in its timing to begin with. In the episodes after the winter solstice, the animation is distinctly autumnal (especially noticable in the Jet episode). Also Aang doesn't need a solstice to communicate with Roku. So I'll just say that they went to crescent island at some point in early autumn.

The title of this chapter is a nod to Buffy; one of the first shows I loved excessively. Many conversations with or about dead people feature. Also Jet was back to cause a ruckus this chapter, and Katara and Zuko have decided to 'go steady'.

I think that Jet's hatred of the firenation, coupled with his weird thing for Zuko and his self loathing over his feelings is just a recipe for self destructive behaviour – and that was what him coming to the party largely boils down to. He would rather fling himself head long into bad situations, if there is a possibility that he could get "revenge" on Zuko, than actually confront his inner demons.

Jet finds it easier to make Zuko "the enemy" in his head. His life has gone through so much upheaval and "fighting the firenation" is the only constant thing for him. So when Star and her friends came into the lower ring, trying to substantiate the gossip they were hearing, Jet would have seen an opportunity. He knew how much Zuko wanted to avoid a scandal, so he would talked up all of Zuko's misdeeds.

He also would have laid the charm on thick with the girls and this is one area where he has it over Zuko (Jet's charm and evident success with the ladies doesn't help Zuko's jealous either). Jet is just so charming and charismatic and he finds it so easy to talk to people. He would have been hoping to sleep with one of the girls and this is where his revenge on Zuko plan backfires on him.

Star and her giggly friends are actually the girls who made fun of Toph, and were in Sokka's Haiku class in the tales of Ba Sing Se episode. (Everyone's bus comes back in my fic!) When Toph wanted to get herself and Katara into the party, the Pangs are on the list of wealthy Ba Sing Se families that are waiting for them inside. General Pang is quite high up in the Earth Kingdom political sphere. He is also an over-protective Dad who doesn't want his baby girl hanging out with someone like Jet, who could lead her down the debauchery path. Neither does Hakoda, who also goes into overprotective Dad mode.

"Death by tray it shall be!" is a nod to Eddie Izzard's skit about the _Deathstar Canteen. _Gosh, it makes me laugh. If you haven't seen, it is on youtube and watching it will be a valid investment of three minutes. Jet's belief that_ it's not gay in a three way_ is a nod to The Golden Rule - which is also worth youtubing.

However I did want to start to deal with what I think will be Zuko's two biggest challenges as Firelord; getting people to take him seriously and his temper. Zuko is significantly younger than all the other world leaders, and just that fact alone would make it more difficult for him to get the other leaders to take him seriously. But couple this with the fact that he has a..._colourful past_, and that he leads such a notorious and unpopular nation – and I think that there would actually be a bit of an issue. Furthermore, it is an issue that Zuko can't do much about except try and seem as professional and serious as possible. (I'm going to look at this again in the coming chapters). Hakoda's advice, that Zuko has to be **classy not crazy, ** taps into this problem. Also it is good advice.

The second problem, which ties into Zuko's need to appear serious, is his temper. That blazing thing that goes off randomly. Zuko is very volatile, and he certainly does have a temper (he's just got a lot of feelings everyone!) but this temper is something that he would **have to curb** in any sort of political negotiation forum. But I think Zuko is smart enough to realise this. It has also probably been pointed out by Iroh. He would be actively trying to curb his temper...Trying is the key word. Changing a lifetime's habit and a defining characteristic would be very hard for him.

He still has his limits for what he can put up with. Jet getting flirty with Katara is so far over that limit , pushes so many of Zuko's _angry buttons _and taps into a wellspring of insecurities, that he has to lash out.

Zuko's jealousy is such a feature in his relationship with Mai, and I think it would definitely be a factor in his relationship with Katara. With Mai, she hadn't had any boys previously- so it was just the possibility of her banging off with one of them that he was reacting to. Katara, however, was with Jet before she was with Zuko. He knows that _something_ went down between Katara and Jet – and this makes his jealousy a little more focussed.

I think Katara is better equipped to deal with the jealous side of Zuko, because she is more emotionally expressive and more sympathetic to his needs. Not that I am blaming Mai for Zuko's jealousy. It's not her fault that he activates his jealous mode every time she talks to another guy, after all. But, the way I see it, his jealousy was how he expressed his insecurity about their relationship. He doesn't feel secure in his relationship with Mai, or safe in her affections for him. Mai's dismissive attitude and impatience with the jealousy, while completely understandable, would not have helped matters.

I think that Katara, on the other hand, would be readily able reassure him of her affections, mostly because she is much more genuinely affectionate to begin with. Even if she thinks the jealousy is a little bit ridiculous, she would still indulge him, and let him know that she cares for him. She tells him point blank that she would never cheat on him - and while I think that Zuko _knows_ this intellectually, it would be a wonderful thing for him to_ hear_ her say. He has big abandonment/insecurity issues after all. Katara's reassurance would help Zuko feel more certain in their relationship.

I also dealt a bit with Ty Lee and her crisis of Kyoshiness. I saw her becoming a Kyoshi warrior as a sort of temporary solution to her problems. This once again ties back to the beach episode and how it characterises the firenation kids. Ty Lee really resented being _part of a matching set _– why would she join a group of warriors that are pretty much the ultimate matching set. She such a free spirited individual, that I honestly couldn't see her staying with the Kyoshi warriors perpetually.

The fabulous **Kimberly T** hypothesised in her fic _sacrifices,_ that Ty Lee would have joined the warriors to atone for all the things she did wrong with Azula. I read that and thought, _by george she's got it _– and slotted that little tidbit into my head canon. Ty Lee trying to atone makes much more sense from a character perspective for me – so that was what I was going for with her worrying over "the stain on her aura". Avatar Kyoshi may have given Ty Lee a huge hint over where she should direct her talents, but it will take a while for the penny to drop for her. Mai would have tried to reassure Ty Lee, but would have felt a bit impatient with her. Mostly because I don't see Mai having the same desire to atone, that I can imagine Ty Lee would have.

Mai and Katara have a brief chat here about their differing approaches to problem-solving. I think that Mai is fully aware that Katara did not like her, and so this plays into how she interacts with Katara. I think that both girls would not become friends straight away – oh but the potential is there! They both like the Glory of Being Right after all.

But I also got to play a bit with Bounty-hunter mode Mai. Gosh, she is just so perfect for a bounty-hunter and she and June would be such a bad-ass team. (why couldn't she be a bounty hunter in canon! That would have made me so happy) Mai and June – oh they are such similar characters. In my head canon, they meet and recognise that they have found a kindred spirit. They go on to be this sassy bad-ass crime fighting duo of epic awesomeness.

I can get behind this ship.

But I also have discovered multishipping tendencies when it comes to Mai. Guilty confession time: I kind of like Mai and Jet too. Like it would just be beyond hilarious. I guess I just like the irony of making Jet consistently attracted to firenation people despite his intense hatred for the nation. Actually I think interacting with Mai would help curb that intense hatred, because she disdains the firenation too, but it is still her homeland and I think she could give him a bit of perspective on that. Her tendency not to take crap would help Jet tone down his more erratic behaviour. Mai desperately needs someone to make her laugh and bring her out of her shell a bit and I think that Jet could be great for that. I don't think it would be true love forever, but I do think that they could learn a lot from each other. So that is also a Mai ship I can get behind.

I also just love thinking how Katara and Zuko would react to their exes getting together.

There are so many better partners out there for Mai than Zuko. I think that Mai and Zuko will always care for each other, and eventually they'll have a nice friendship, but they are just such a bad fit as a couple. June's line about Ying and Yang is a nod to Castle. Gosh I also love that show. It taught me that Ying/Yang is harmony and Ying/Ying is the name of a panda! But it is just so fitting an analogy for Maiko. Both of them are great characters – but together they just don't work. They are similar in all the wrong ways.

Mai and Jet, however, are going to have a very antagonistic relationship to begin with. Jet is not going to be a big fan of "Wenchy" at all, especially once he realises how many doors Mai has closed for him in the upper ring with her rumour spreading. Mai knows how gossip works and how upper-crust courtly systems work. Mai's rumour spreading is actually self-sacrificing on her part, and shows that, when all is said and done, she does care for Zuko. I think it is important for Katara to witness/acknowledge this.

Jet and Katara have an interesting talk, in her futile attempt to reason with him. I got to show her possesive/protective side when it comes to her secret boyfriend, and how bothered she is when other people fancy him (she has jealous tendencies as well, which we will get to in another chapter). Jet and Zuko are great fun for me to write, but I also wanted to actually take a serious look at Jet's feelings towards the firenation and how they drive him and alter the way that he sees the world. I think Jet's feelings would be a common. Jet is certainly not alone in continuing the **us vs them **mentality when it comes to the firenation.

Katara has to re-examine her own feelings towards the firenation during their conversation and look at the things that broke her out of that mentality. She and Jet did have very similar outlooks towards the fire-nation once upon a time. I actually think that Katara moderated her firenation hatred long before Zuko came along and that this change in perspective was just a natural result of living in the firenation culture and coming to see the firenation people as people first, and "the enemy" second.

However I also think that her trip to see Yon Rha helped immeasurably in getting her some catharsis and some sense of justice and closure. I guess I don't like seeing Katara's emotionally journey in TSR dismissed because it is so crucial for her character. Ultimately I think it helps her make peace with what happened. Katara has been able to get resolution and closure for what happened to her mother in a way that still eludes Jet. Jet's behaviour to Katara is almost like a cautionary tale.

Also this chapter it is revealed that Aang is not the last airbender! This is going against the very title of the show, I know, but stick with me on this. My theory is that there would be a fair few untrained airbenders like Ty Lee out there. They would be descended from the non-air bending babies which were fostered out from the temples. These babies were sent away as a kindness and adopted into families in the other nations. It would be almost impossible for non-airbenders to live comfortably in those air temples.

I'm not actually sure how genetics and bending ability works in ATLA – brothers can bend different elements after all. Good bending heritage is no guarantee of bending. Water bending appears to have popped up randomly in Katara. I subscribe to the Pakku=maternal grandfather theory to make Katara's mastery and skill and rapid progression through waterbending make sense for me. But its not really explained in canon. Any theories?

My rough theory is that it works a bit like magic in Harry Potter. Using this analogy, it is helpful to think of the current untrained airbenders like muggleborns. Muggleborns were related to a witch or wizard way back in the day and then the rogue magic gene just pops up in them. The untrained airbenders would be in a similar boat. They'd have a non-bending airnomad back in their family tree. They'd have absolutely no idea of their abilities – though they may manifest it in numerous ways, like Ty Lee does with her acrobatics. I think that Ty Lee just assumes that she is _really good_ at acrobatics. Also, airbending itself would be the most difficult bending to discern in my opinion.

I also don't want to discount the possibility that some air nomads survived the Sozin's comet attack on the temples and managed to live in hiding. These people were nomadic and there is no way that they would have all been present at the temples. They were also clever and well versed in all the different cultures – so it is not impossible that some escaped the firenation genocide. There is potential for a great fic here I reckon.

In this fic I will be concentrating much more on Aang finding and training the untrained airbenders out there. He still gets the spiritual responsibility of being the last "true" airbender – one who was raised under the temple system before the genocide. He is still responsible for passing on his nations wisdom, teachings and skills – so in many ways he will be 'father' to the new nation of Airbenders. However, having a horde of untrained benders takes the physical responsibility of re-populating the airnomands off Aang's shoulders. Physically repopulating the airbenders is just too huge a burden.

I wanted to give Aang a happier ending, and the airbenders a much more viable chance at recovering as a nation. Not to sound cold, but if Aang really was the last airbender, and he really wanted to continue his race – he should have banged all the willing air acolytes he could. This would create more potential air-bending babies and increase the variety in the gene pool of his nation.

I really don't understand canon on this, and I don't think this is my Zutara showing. I see it as Aang love. For Aang, his ending is actually tragic. Just marrying Katara and only popping out three kids makes _no sense. _What about genetics? What about inherited diseases – because if Aang has any, then that is going to mess with everything! What if all the Kataang kids were water benders? Or non-benders? Also Aang feels the burden of being the last of his kind keenly. I don't think he would wish that on anyone, let alone his children. If none of his grandkids have an airbending baby, then his race is still doomed.

Anyway, I think that in a world where the spirits have a big part to play (and there would be an equal amount of airbender spirits) and the world order tends towards balance between four opposing forces – then there must be some behind the scenes spirit action making sure that there will be a few more untrained benders being born now that the world is once again at peace. In my head canon, the balance would reassert itself somehow.

I honestly think that this is a better ending for Aang. He still has the spiritual responsibility – but not the impossible physical burden of continuing his race. Also I think that Aang learning how to discover airbending ability in someone (and in the process, discovering that Ty Lee has it) would be a great spiritual journey for him and give him much enlightenment.

I didn't want to just hand the answer to him (because nobody likes a deus-ex-machina). His quest will be impetus for him to look much deeper at the teachings and philosophies he was brought up with. He will be looking at these teachings, with new and more worldly eyes. He will then be able to truly understand them. This will help him pass them on to the untrained airbenders he finds.

That is my theory about Aang and the continuation of the air nomad race.

Another thing I just touched on in this chapter are the things I think would be a problem in a zutara relationship. Some I just hinted at, like the various time constraints Zuko will be under. Other things, like the big differences between their cultures (and the potential for this to lead to misunderstandings) Zuko's jealousy, Katara's demanding behaviour, and the fact that both of them could be classified and "high maintenance" could also be potential problems. So all these got a mention.

The key to getting over these hurdles would be found in Zuko and Katara's ability to communicate, and their ability to compromise with each other. These two already communicate so well with each other in canon (They _actually listen_ to each other and everything!) I know that romance complicates things, but I'd like to think that Zuko and Katara's ability to hear each other out would endure.

I think that both of them would be committed enough to the relationship to be able to compromise for each other and try and work their problems through. They are both such steadfast people in canon – that I can't see them breaking up on a whim or a minor disagreement. I think that they would try and work things out when they arise, rather than let them fester. That's why I showed them compromising for each other in little ways during the "_are we going steady conversation_". Also, they are going secret-steady now, but they took the **dorky way** there.

Next chapter Katara will do some detective work and find out something surprising about Jet. She will also be allowed into the water tribe meetings for the first time and discover something alarming. There will be a solution for Sokka and Suki's woes. Hakoda and Arnook will have an interesting conversation. Zuko will have a lot of feelings – some of these feelings will explode all over the peace meetings. And shenanigans will ensue.

Til then lovely readers...


	20. Diplomatic immaturity

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Diplomatic immaturity.

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This morning I was planning on having a bit of a lie-in. Everyone was. Much partaking of firewhiskey by delegates at the party last night was an occurrence that had been forseen by our Earth Kingdom hosts. All the meetings weren't scheduled til after lunch today.

Even Yugoda had gotten amongst it last night. She had made the poor life choice of doing the limbo whilst inebriated, bless her cotton socks, and now felt very sorry for herself indeed. Yugoda had proclaimed that we would take a day off from Joo Dee healing – this is ostensibly to give _them_ time to recuperate.

I had an unexpected free day – these never happen for me. I knew just what to do with it. I returned to bed and tried to go back to blessed sleep. This attempt at recapturing sleep failed because I was woken by Zuko.

He was **way too cheerful **for this hour in the morning. But then again, he had been up for hours, because of that whole_ rising with the sun _thing.

He'd taken advantage of everyone's hangover and had snuck in through the gardens and climbed in my window. He'd bought me a bunch of flowers and had wanted to give them to me before they went **all droopy.** They were daisies. He'd obviously just pulled them from the gardens because they had clumps of dirt still on them. He held them out to me hopefully.

I had a groggy moment of confusion because I have never previously been awoken by a bunch of flowers in my face and I couldn't help but think _why? _

Then Zuko had a moment of anxiety and was all _oh no, you hate them- don't you. _I reassured him that I didn't hate them as I got up to fuss about finding a vase for them. I told him that I was just super surprised because I had **never been given flowers at this time in the morning** before and I was a bit confused as to why he'd given them to me.

Zuko looked a little embarrassed and shrugged and said that he thought this was what boyfriends were meant to do. Give flowers and shit. His Uncle as always banging on about how he should have gotten Jin flowers when they were going out - but now **we were going out. **Even if it was a secret relationship he wanted to be a good secret boyfriend. He'd been awake and in the gardens and then he'd seen the flowers and he thought they were pretty and then he'd thought of me and...

At that point, I kind of threw myself at him like a floozy and cut him off with a kiss.

He was just being so sweet and dorky and romantic that it brought out my inner floozy.

We ended up making out on the bed for ages. It was great actually, kissing in the daylight. We don't get to do this as often as I would like. We didn't get many chances to make out when everyone else was ridiculously hungover – so I abandoned my sleep-in plans and adopted taking Zuko's shirt off plans instead.

Mmmmmmm.

Zuko choose this morning to get a little curious about my insistent shirt-removal. He noted that now that we are doing _this – _I normally try and take his shirt off first thing when we are alone , and back on Ember Island I would demand that he take his shirt off every chance I got. _I'll have you know I had a __**legitimate medical reason**__ for every time I requested shirt removal on Ember Island _- I replied primly. Zuko got the cheekiest look on his face and asked _Even when I was injured on __**my hand? **_Then he chortled to himself.

He thought he was so sly.

I got a bit embarrassed and hid under the blanket and said something along the lines of _okay you got me – I am a pervy pervert who liked having a look-see. _Zuko joined me in my hiding place and confessed that he also liked having a look-see at me, so I wouldn't feel embarrassed.

Under the blanket there was some more kissing. Also some secret divulging about our collective perving. I confessed my weird fascination with the prison outfit (it really does wonders for his tight behind...and well... the rest of him, obviously). Zuko told me that he thought I looked especially fetching in ninja gear.

Ninja gear, eh?

Something to think on.

Anyway, it was truly lovely start to the morning, what with flowers and kisses and a cheeky secret. And I don't know...there was just something about hiding under the covers together that made it feel more special. Like we could exist in this little blanket bubble and blot out the rest of the world for a few moments.

Well it was probably longer than a few months.

We totally lost track of time.

We were hiding together in the blanket bubble long enough for Sokka and Dad to wake up, so it must have been a fair old while.

They nearly interrupted us and Zuko had to hide **for real. **

I could hear Dad coming – he was talking loudly and excitedly to Sokka about how he couldn't wait to tell me something. I am thankful he did so, as this gave us a few moments of warning. We both leapt up, a bit startled. I think I practically shoved Zuko into the cupboard, just at the same moment that my dad opened my door.

He didn't knock or wait for me to say_ come in_ or anything – but just barged in. Yes, he and Sokka normally do this. It's how they roll. This is perhaps something I should address with them. Maybe I'll mention _lady bits_ and _moon-blood _as reasons why they don't want to barge in on me. I normally get my own way when I start talking about that.

Anyway my Dad was all excited to tell me that I could officially come to the water-tribe meetings. He knew how much I had been miffed about being excluded and was quite excited for me. He'd been talking to Chief Arnook, who was in a much more reasonable mood this morning. Some of the side effects of this reasonable mood are:

Genuine overtures of friendship towards my Dad.

An admission of being "too harsh earlier".

A request that they start over and try to work more harmoniously together.

I am allowed to attend the meetings.

Dad was not sure what had prompted this change of heart from Arnook – but he was heartily glad of it.

As Dad was explaining all this – I couldn't help but be distracted by the sight of Zuko trying to sneak out the window behind Dad and Sokka.

It was a tricky moment because Dad and Sokka were watching intently for my reaction to their news – but Zuko was still shirtless, and so that was very distracting. His shirt had been lost in the melee of our making out. I had Buckley's idea where it had got to. Neither did Zuko, from the look on his face as he made a quick worried glance around the room.

Anyway I was so distracted by Zuko and the lost shirt that I missed the point where I was meant to react to Dad's news with effusive joy. When I realised this I did an 'over-reaction' in an attempt at making it better. And then I made up some lame lie about how I had only just gotten up and was still feeling a bit sleepy and I had the weirdest dream – that was why I hadn't been originally concentrating on what Dad had said.

Both Dad and Sokka are very into weird dreams – so this was a blatant ploy for their undivided attention. They both fell for it and asked me what my dream was about. I told them it was the 'food eats people dream". Sokka reacted with some alarm, because he hates that dream. It makes him mistrust his breakfast the next day.

I elaborated on my dream and said that the worst thing was – in my dream I **knew **that food ate people and I **knew **that I should _get out of the market as quickly as possible_, because if "the food" found me "in the market" I would definitely get eaten, but instead of making a run for it, I just hung around like_ an idiot. _

Zuko took the hint contained in my made-up dream and beat a hasty retreat. Neither Dad nor Sokka noticed – because my secret boyfriend is such a ninja...and Sokka was too busy blathering about how dreams on Halloween are apparently meant to _mean_ something more than dreams at any other part of the year.

He is worried that my dream is a premonition of how I will persist in a dodgy situation despite knowing the dangers. He is apparently going to consult his copy of _Dr Wang's anthology of dreaming meanings _and get back to me.

There was more talk about how great it was that I could go to the tribal meetings – which were meant to start really soon. I pleaded that I needed to get ready – as I was still in my pyjamas and this is not appropriate meeting attire. They left. I hastily got dressed and then tried to find Zuko's shirt. I didn't want to leave it for the cleaners to find. That would lead to _questions. _

I found it rumpled in the bedclothes and then I stuffed it in my medical bag – so I could sneakily return it to Zuko at a convenient moment. I gave myself a final check over in the mirror. I looked quite presentable. Then I went and joined Dad and Sokka for breakfast.

-0-

Everything actually went really well at the start of the meeting. Well there was a sad moment, but everyone got along – which was a monumental achievement for our tribes.

Arnook told us that he had apparently been visited by Yue last night. Arnook's voice normally shakes whenever he mentions his daughter and you can just tell that there is an ocean of grief just lapping below the surface. Arnook requested that we all hold a minute's silence in remembrance of Yue and all the others who had been lost over the years. Dad readily agreed. This was the first harmonious agreement between them in a very long time.

There was a sombre minute, during which I couldn't help but think about my mother.

After the minute had elapsed, Arnook said that our losses and shared grief bind us together as much as much as our affinity for water and our shared culture. We were the people of water. In the eyes of the spirits, we were one people. We were all beloved to the ocean...and the moon spirit. We were ruled by one element. We were ruled by the element of change and adaptation. The element of ingenuity and healing. The element of compassion and community.

Arnook wished to embrace the ethos that made our tribes great and extend his hand to us southerners in brotherhood. His grief had made him act unwisely towards my father – his fellow chief and equal. His visitation from Yue had made him see the error of his ways. He wished to apologise for his earlier behaviour and enter a period of harmonious relationships between our tribes. My father instantly agreed that this was the best course of action for our two tribes. Then he and Arnook bowed to each other with much ceremony.

There was a great deal of applause and much talk about how we were entering a new era, burying the hatchet etc. We are much stronger united than we are divided. We Water Tribes are a little nation compared to the Earth Kingdom and the Firenation – but that does not make us any less great. Go watertribes etc.

There was talk about how the North could better share its resources, knowledge and bending expertise with us Southerners. We were given a status update on how the rebuilding of the Southerner Water Tribe was going under the hands of the northern benders.

It is apparently going well and a series of walls is currently being constructed. Dad expressed gratitude for this – as that was the fitting and polite thing to do, but then expressed that he felt that **extensive** walls would be unnecessary as the South is fixed to become a much more active trading port and the walls would be a deterrent to commerce.

There was a slight awkward moment.

Arnook relented. He said that he had meant no offence, but he thought that we might prefer walled

defences, given the proven effectiveness of the walls and our previous history of firenation raids. He would instruct the benders in the South to finish the Fourth Great Wall and then leave it at that.

Four huge ice walls – just how big is the Southern Water Tribe now? For a moment I was a bit gobsmacked. I felt I should hardly recognise my own village were I to go back there now. Would it look like a southern version of the Northern Water Tribe? Or an icy version of Ba Sing Se?

Dad and Bato exchanged a look. They had not been consulted on the matter of walls and I could tell that they both disliked our defences being decided by someone else without them having input. But then again, we all knew the stories.

During the Chin Wars, when the North had adopted an isolationist stance on the rest of the world and walled up the city, the South had remained an open and welcoming port. We'd flourished as a port and traded extensively with the southern Firenation Islands and the islands off the Earth Kingdom and the Southern Air Temple. We'd been completely untouched by the Chin Wars. We had lived in peace and prosperity for many moons. The North felt we were indolent to be so ill-prepared. But we had felt, back then, that our good relationships with our neighbours would protect us. Of course, everything changed when the firenation attacked.

I saw Bato and Dad nod at each other in silent communication. They would let the subject of walls drop. It looked like Dad said _perhaps, at the end of the day, more walls wasn't a bad thing._

There was talk about how both our nations could contribute to the fledging War Crimes trials to ensure that justice was done. This was followed by discussion about how preposterous the Firelord's idea that all the nations look at pursuing similar action for their own war criminals (such as properly punishing General Fong from the Earth Kingdom). Arnook found this idea rather laughable – because everybody knew that the only war criminals were from the firenation. Sokka voiced some opposition to this stance here.

He's become a more confident speaker actually, because he spoke very eloquently about how he also felt that General Fong needed some punishment. He told the gather tribes about how Fong had drowned me in Earth, just to send Aang into the Avatar state – thus endangering my life and the lives of all his men. In Sokka's mind, Fong deserved some punishment.

Goodness, I have been trying not to remember that for so long that it really affected me to hear Sokka talk about it so plainly. That actually happened to me. Nearly drowning in dirt.

Fong's actions still plainly bothered Sokka on a deep level. I remembered how fussy he'd been over me for a few days afterwards. It hadn't been long after we'd lost Yue and he'd been in this weird, ridiculously protective mood.

Arnook hadn't actually known about this. He had sent us to Fong under the explicit instructions that we be well treated. He was a bit horrified at the revelation that his orders had been completely flouted. Arnook changed his tune quickly and said that if a watertribe person had been unnecessarily harmed by Fong – then it made the situation **totally different. **

Arnook excused himself by saying that Firelord Zuko had used the fact that Fong was known to torture the few firebending soldiers he had captured during his campaigns as the justification for why he was deserving of war crimes charges. That was the only reason why he had been unsympathetic to the suggestion...because you could hardly _blame _Fong for that. You wouldn't know a firebender had human blood in their veins unless you tortured it out of them, after all.

It was at this point that I started frowning dramatically. I pursed my lips together and clench my hands into little fists and fought my ingrained urge to stand up and have a rant.

I knew what a big deal being included here today was. I was _the girl they made an exception for._ I had to conduct myself in a certain manner if they were to consider letting women attend these meetings on a more permanent basis. If I made a spectacle of myself now – not only would everything I said be dismissed, but they would probably decide that they had been right all along about including women. Yes - women really are _too emotional to handle politics. _

Also, I would never be allowed back into a meeting.

I didn't want to be excluded again. I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to be involved. I hated being excluded. I have missed out on so much. Almost everything at this meeting was a revelation to me. The others had tried to keep me abreast of the situation, but nothing is quite as informative as being here.

So, to my shame, I stayed silent.

-o-

Discussion moved on to the fact that as a united entity, we could garner a better deal from these peace negotiations. The issue of a disparity between the reparations the Firenation has offered out two tribes was raised. We southerners are apparently getting a great deal more and this is regarded as somewhat inequitable by the North. My Dad explained that this was not his call to make, but offered to have a word to the Firelord and General Iroh. It was a bit jarring for me to hear him talk about Zuko and Iroh so formally. He normally just calls them by their names and not their titles.

Then there was talk about the variations in the trade deals that our tribe had adopted with variations nations and how we could "align our interests." The North noted that we had recently entered into very favourable agreements with both Kyoshi Island and the Firenation. Dad acknowledged that this was true – but these trade agreements had come about through private negotiation with the leaders of those nations. He offered to assist Arnook in creating his own agreements that would better suit the interests of the North and align more with their isolationist policy.

Then everything fell apart as the whole issue of isolationism was argued over. Arnook wanted the South to try and adopt a more isolationist stance – for the good of the tribes as a whole. Interacting with the world had only every brought pain and suffering for our people and we were much better off sticking to our own kind.

The Firenation and the Earth Kingdom looked down on the Water Tribes as uncouth savages – but they didn't realise that the Water Tribes didn't need either of them. Indeed, looking at the hot mess that is the firenation/Earth Kingdom relationship was the best argument enough in favour of isolation. My dad disagreed _oh so politely._ He said that the isolationist stance was not the best thing for our tribe – even though it suited the North well. Dad felt that interaction with the other nations could only be mutually beneficial for our tribe.

Arnook refuted what Dad said (also _oh so politely_). What could be mutually beneficial about prolonged interaction with either of the other nations? The Earth Kingdom was so obsessed with tradition, etiquette and _the way that things were_ that they were fast becoming obsolete. Unlike the Water Tribes – the Earth Kingdom had no _thinkers_ and certainly no enterprise and ingenuity. The Earth Kingdom would poach our best and brightest minds and give us little in return. They were so embroiled in their own internal struggles and political feuds that they had nothing to offer us Tribal people.

_And don't even get me started on the firenation! _Arnook declared, right before he **got started on the firenation**. He listed all the things that he felt was wrong with the firenation. This was a **long list.** Arnook concluded that the firenation, and every single person of firenation heritage is obviously lacking in moral fibre! A man who I vaguely recognised as Yugoda's husband interjected here and said_ t__hey make very nice wine though. _

_That is __**hardly an acceptable substitute for moral fibre! **_Arnook snapped – and the first harshly spoken word of the meeting was uttered.

Dad felt he had to protest here. He was still doing the _oh-so-polite_ thing. He felt that Arnook was being too harsh on the other nations. Arnook reverted back to politeness and said that he merely felt that the other nations had little understanding or appreciation for our unique culture. Their values were so different and so decadent. They both tolerated all sorts of lewd behaviours that were unthinkable in the water-tribes, like promiscuity and homosexuality. Why look at the firenation! The firelord had left a known homosexual Master Piandao as his regent! Surely that was indicative of depraved moral standards.

Sokka sat bolt upright in surprise next to me at those words. He instantly leapt to Piandao's defence. He started protesting against what chief Arnook has said. He claimed that it couldn't possibly be true and he wasn't going to stand for someone slandering Piandao. Arnook assured him that it was true.

Pakku – who was acting as chairman and peace keeper during this meeting started banging his gavel loudly and with alacrity. Once he had got everybody's attention, he said, very crossly,_I believe it is better for everyone if we leave Master Piandao's...lifestyle __**completely out of this discussion.**__It has no bearing on the subject at hand. _

Arnook withdrew his comments and said that he had forgotten that Master Piandao and Pakku were friends. But he felt that his point still stood. The other nations had very delinquent conduct and very poor standards of behaviour. Their lax morals went a long way towards explaining why all the colonies were such _half-breed-filled-basket-cases._

At this point, Stupid Han saw fit to chime in with this tidbit: Everyone in the water tribes knew that a mixed race relationship would never work – for the progeny would be tainted and not worth was why the North had adopted new laws to ban inter-relations between Water tribe citizens and members of the other nations.

Han, as heir to the chiefdom, wanted to compel us to adopt similar laws. He said this in a tone that implied that he _wasn't really asking _– he was demanding. Bato's whole posture had completely stiffened next and his hands were clenched tighter than mine through out this speech.

Chief Arnook spoke over the top of Han, and tried to be more diplomatic about it. He said that he knew that both our tribes would have much more interaction with the other nations from now on, and he felt that it was for the best if their was a memorandum of understanding between our two tribes on the subject of mixed-race marriage.

Han continued that he didn't want to preside over a tribe of tainted half-breeds and he was sure my father wouldn't either. Surely we Southerners could see that it was for the good of the tribe that we keep our lineage pure – We didn't want to muddy or boil "the water" now did we?

Bato stood up and snapped (before my Dad could get a word in edgewise), _No – We southerners __**do not see **__how banning inter-marriages will be for the "good of the tribe" and we certainly won't take orders about how we should conduct our business from __**an self-important upstart like yourself! **_Bato announced his relationship with Ming to all and sundry – much to my Dad's dismay. I found out later that Dad had been trying to keep that little morsel of information secret to spare Bato public ridicule.

Bato said that he loved Ming with all his heart and there was nothing lewd or immoral about their relationship. Love was Love. It was a gift from the spirits and sprung up in the most unlikely of places. Bato was not one to deny the will of the spirits – and they had obviously meant for him to love Ming, for she was his other half. More importantly, she was kind and smart and good. To dismiss her out of hand for being firenation was to do her a great disservice.

_I get that you have urges. But you know you don't have to marry her right? They aren't like us. All firebenders are such sluts. You can fuck her and leave her. You don't have to debase yourself by having a relationship with one of those firebitches._ This was Han's reply to Bato's impassioned and heartfelt speech. He said it patronisingly, like he thought he was giving Bato very sage advice. He did not seem to realise how strongly Bato felt about this issue (ie strongly enough to inflict violence.) Han was **most surprised **when Bato vaulted the table to punch him in the face. He was so surprised that he made a noise that sounded like _eeergh! _

There was a small schmozzle. Calm and sensible Bato tackled Han out of his chair shouting things like _You insult my girlfriend and __**you have disrespected me!**_This crash-tackle has succeeded in restoring our reputation for being the _more unruly tribe. _We had all been on our best behaviour for a whole two hours, after all, and some unruliness had been expected from us before this point.

Han called Bato many unkind names that the Northerners have for those who...engage in "_relations with the enemy" (_eg get off me you **dirty traitorous spark-fucker**!) Dad and Sokka and Sorrak pulled Bato off Han – while some Northern dudes tried to extricate their future chief from the fray. Bato and Han then continued their bitter argument – while my Dad and Arnook tried to get them both to sit back down and shut up.

Han got started on how he shouldn't have expected any better from our tribe – not with the way that Dad _let Sokka fuck a Kyoshi Warrior._ Fucking shameful – letting his heir slut it up with a girl from Kyoshi. As a Tribe, we were obviously very tolerant of sluts, but that was not how they _did things _up North. Sokka abandoned trying to restrain Bato and took a swing at Han himself. And the brawl was back on!

I intervened quickly and used my bending and managed to freeze everybody up to their necks in ice. Pakku instantly hopped on my bandwagon and helped me. We worked in tandem and almost had to empty the fountain just outside to do this – but it worked. The brawl was effectively stopped. Then Pakku effectively took the reigns and made **An Annoucement. **

_Everybody needs to cool off and calm down! _Pakku announced in a deep and commanding voice. Pakku then gave a small, irate speech. **Pakku did not have time for this shit.** Moreover Pakku was tired of this shit! He had been sorting out countless bouts of immaturity and squabbles during the Earth Kingdom negotiations for months now – and he had felt that his own people were above all that pettiness! But now he realised that he was wrong and we were all just as bad as each other.

He separated us and then pointed angrily at the Northern cohort and shouted_None of you get to cast aspersions on any of them! They are of impeccable character and have immense bravery. My grandchildren have proven themselves to be five times the warriors that we could ever hope to be – they were instrumental in ending this centuries long war. Nobody, and I mean nobody, gets to insult either of them in my presence. _

So there Northern Water Tribe!

Us southerners look at each other a little smugly at Pakku's words because we thought he was on our side. But he was not done. He then pointed at us with the same anger and said _but you lot cannot act like you are above our laws and customs! We are one people under Tui and La! You cannot act like the ban on inter-marriages is unreasonable – when that is how things have been done for the entirety of our history! No inter-marriage is for the good of our entire tribe. Would you put your personal petty lusts over the good of all!_

Pakku then declared that the meeting was over for the day. Pakku was** done for the day!** Everyone was to go to their corners for the_adult version of a time-out_ and _think about what they had done_!

Everyone except me.

Pakku wanted to have "a word" with me.

Gulp.

-o-

Much to my relief, Pakku actually just wanted to congratulate me on "my conduct" during the meeting. He was glad that I had not been the one to cause "a scene" and in fact I had been instrumental in diffusing "the scene". He wanted to tell me that he had been proud of me when I used the fountain to sort out the dispute. That was quick thinking. It was a sweet thing for him to say.

As we were talking, I couldn't help but notice how tired he looked. I commented on it and asked if he was okay. He said he was fine, but I was right. He was tired. He was tired of sorting out other people's problems and of grown men acting like children. He really just wanted all this to be over so he could just go home to Gran Gran.

I couldn't help myself – I asked if he had really meant everything he said about inter-marriager? Did he believe that in his heart? _Aye, and I believe it in my soul too, _Pakku said. He had been sorting out the problems of the colonies for months now – and it had become apparent to him that the biggest problem facing all those colonies was the issue of inter-marriage and mixed race children. These children were neither one or the other. They would be perpetually torn between two worlds and two elements and be rejected by both. There was no place for them in either nation. It seemed a cruelty to Pakku to bring them into the world in the first place.

Pakku thought that all the nations returning to a state of **complete separation** was for the good of all. It was the only way to restore balance. Four nations and Four elements was how it had always been. It was the way things** had** to be. There was nothing to be done for those mixed-race colonials now. They were a lost cause. The best we could all hope for was making sure that the mistakes of their parents were never repeated. The water tribes should be thankful that we had thus far been spared from the consequences of such mistakes. Banning inter-marriage was the only way to secure lasting peace for our people, in Pakku's eyes.

_But what about love? Are you saying that their love doesn't count just because the two people involved are from different nations?_ I asked a bit indignantly. _Of course it doesn't count! It is merely lust that is allowed to run rampant. _Pakku replied. I disagreed My mother had always told me that _all you need is love_ and I still believed that. Sokka loved Suki and surely that was all that mattered.

Pakku pinched the bridge of his nose and looked so old and tired for a second. _I am sure your mother was a kind and gentle woman, but I know that she would want better for her son than a foreign Kyoshi girl. She would want him to find a nice water tribe girl – and it is essential for your tribe that he do so. I know you defend his relationship with the Kyoshi girl because he is your brother and she is your friend – but if you look at it pragmatically, you will see that marriage is impossible for them. _Pakku said all this so calmly – like he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

I protested at this and said I was sure that Sokka and Suki loved each other enough to make it work. Pakku shrugged and said that he didn't doubt that they loved each other – the real question was **is that love enough? **Eventually one of them would have to give up their homeland – and it would most likely be the Kyoshi girl. Did I think that the Kyoshi girl would be likely to give up her island and her freedom to be a chieftain's wife? Pakku thought that she seemed _too fierce _a girl for that life.

I didn't have an answer for that. Pakku seemed to notice my sadness and said that this was exactly why he hated the idea of inter-nation relationships. It always ended in bloodshed, violence or tears. It never ended well.

Pakku tried to cheer me up then and said that at least he could **count on me** to be _sensible._ I had good sense in this department and he knew I wouldn't be as foolish as my brother. Maybe I had been right to reject Han (who is obviously and irrefutably a dickface) but Pakku was sure that he could find a nice Water-bending boy for me from the North. He would choose better for me _next time._

Uh oh – it sounded like Pakku had other matchmaking plans in the works.

Pakku gave me an enigmatic smile and said that he just wanted to see me _settled._ I was getting older. I should start thinking about it. Our conversation became completely absorbed in my attempts to dissuade Pakku from all future matchmaking attempts as he walked me back to the southern Water Tribe rooms.

-o-

Pakku and I joined Dad, Bato and Sokka for lunch. Bato and Sokka were having a rather spirited **bitching session** about the North – which halted upon Pakku's arrival. Pakku started trying to "smooth things over" with Dad. He really wants Dad and Arnook to try and get along again. The first half of the meeting was great and some real progress was made. He knew that Arnook really wanted to have harmonious relations with our tribe. Also Han was young, and an arseface – so we shouldn't mind him.

Sokka interrupted Pakku's "smoothing over" with a pertinent question about Piandao. Was what it really true? What everyone was saying about him? Pakku seemed a bit taken aback by his question and said that_ yes it was true. _Sokka looked a bit pensive over this revelation.

Pakku coughed and cleared his throat and said_ listen Sokka, It's a crazy old world. It is full of things I don't understand. I don't understand __**that kind of lifestyle –**__ so I leave it alone and I let it be – even though I may think it is wrong. Piandao has made unusual choices – but he is a great man and you shouldn't let this cloud how you see him. _

Pakku said all this rather diffidently. Sokka looked up at him and said that it wouldn't affect how he saw Piandao. He sounding like he was surprised at the implication that it would. Sokka said he was just a little sad for his master. Wouldn't **that sort of lifestyle **make everything harder for Piandao? It certainly meant that people felt like they could say nasty things about him without even knowing him? Pakku could not refute this. He simply said that Piandao had decided not to let a few unkind comments bother him – and Sokka shouldn't either.

On that note Pakku left – to go and try "smooth things over" on the Northern side. Then Dad took

Bato aside to "have a serious chat". While they were having a serious chat, I tried to instigate one of my own with Sokka.

I wanted to ask him what was going on with him and Suki and what had happened with Yue last night – but he wasn't having it. He shut all conversation down. He didn't want to talk. He wanted to whack at things with his spacesword. He said that whacking things with spacesword cures all ills – and would make him feel better. It's apparently a "boy thing".

We elected to bother Zuko.

-o-

So Zuko has also had a shocker of a day and was quite keen on the sparring idea. He also believes that whacking things with swords has some sort of therapeutic value. When we arrived, he had face-planted on the table and was muttering things like_ such an idiot, can't believe I did that, how bad is it,_ etc while Jee tried to "make it better."

Making it better is not Jee's strong point. This was his attempt at making it better:

_It's not so bad...So you told the Earth King you thought he was a stupid, pansy-ass, nancy boy who needed to pull his head out of his arse and grow a pair...I mean, yeah it's not the __**most diplomatic**__ way you could have said that – but maybe he wasn't offended. _Zuko asked if Jee really thought that Kuei wasn't offended by that. Jee replied _I said __**maybe **__he wasn't offended. He probably was though, unless nancy-boy means something different over here. _

So Zuko had a meeting with the Dowager and the Earth King today during which Words Were Said.

Bad words that cannot be unsaid. Zuko found dealing with the two of them so frustrating and has now had a small explosion of temper during which he repeatedly and rudely pointed out what a _shambles_ Earth Kingdom is. He has said that their disorganisation is making the peace process very hard and then he suggested that maybe the whole place would have been better off under firenation rule in the first place – because at least the firenation has its shit together. The Dowager and Kuei were displeased to say the least.

Jee also tried to make this better.

_So they were like __**really insulted **__and both of them looked at you like they were stabbing you in their minds and then they both went on about __**blatant firenation aggression **__and whatnot... __but you were only being __**verbally aggressive**__. It's not like you declared war on their arses. So it could have been worse. Only just though – because they are both like seriously pissed off right now. _Zuko lifted his head up from the table and said that Jee wasn't helping as much as he thought he was.

Sokka suggested that sparring might help – Zuko agreed. They proceeded to whack each other with their swords. The boys spared in the courtyard while I chatted to Jee. He was the only other person there because Iroh had faffed off to do "secret Iroh business", Toph's parents had arrived this morning and absolutely insisted she spend the day with them (she is to be retrieved from their clutches tomorrow morning), and June had gone down to the lower rings with Mai to "put her through her paces".

-o-

_Rough day for your brother eh?_ Jee remarked. I said there had just been a rather unpleasant scene in our tribal meeting. Jee nodded and muttered that it was a day for scenes all round. I asked what had really happened with the Earth King and Jee just shrugged and said that it was just the standard Zuko grumpy explosion of temper. Zuko used to have them on the ship. He'd be fine for ages and bottle everything up – but then there would just be one little thing and **Boom.**

The stupid little thing today had been an offhand comment from the Dowager that torturing firebenders didn't really count as a war crime and then he was all _fuck that, and fuck this and fuck everything and especially fuck you. _And Iroh had tried to get him to sit down and shut up – but he'd been on a ranting roll. He had decided that **today was the day **that he was going to tell Kuei and the Dowager _exactly what he thought of them. _

This ...err...honesty has not been good for Firenation-Earth Kingdom relations, the peace negotiations or balance in the universe. Iroh has now taken it upon himself to "do the talking" and has taken the dowager out to tea to try and "fix it".

-o-

The boys whacked each other with swords until they were both pretty tired. It must have had some therapeutic value because they were both in a better frame of mind when they joined us. This really must be a boy thing.

We were joined by Aang – who had recently heard of the schmozzle between Zuko and Kuei and had come to _sort things out. _He was concerned and a bit intrigued. He couldn't believe that Zuko had actually called the Dowager _a crazy old bat with a salad fork up her arse. _Aang didn't know they could say things _like that._..he thought that they were meant to be trying to be diplomatic.

Zuko groaned and resumed his face-plant postion while Jee explained to Aang that actually, Zuko had fucked up a bit. The words "salad fork up your arse" should never be uttered in a diplomatic meeting.

Aang asked if there was anything he could do to make it better. Zuko mumbled _nothing can make this better, _mostly to the table. I gave him a consoling pat on the back...because that was what I would normally do and I am trying to act as normal as possible around Zuko. Zuko took a deep breath and then sat back up and thanked Aang for the offer, but there wasn't much he could do to fix this. Zuko already knew what he had to do, and that was apologise to Kuei and the Dowager.

Jee asked if Zuko had thought about doing a written apology. Zuko said that he felt an in-person apology was more sincere and honest. Jee inhaled sharply and then said that **honesty hadn't worked out so good** for Zuko today and the big problem with an in-person apology would be that Zuko would have to speak and then he might ...say things. _Yes, that's normally how speaking works Jee_ Zuko sassed back sarcastically.

Jee rolled his eyes and said that he was merely saying that Zuko had a tendency to get mad with people from the Earth Kingdom and call them weird names like _empty-headed animal food trough wipers. _Sometimes the written word was better because you could edit out that sort of thing.

-o-

June and Mai joined us a short time later. I can't even call Mai Gloomy Hairbuns anymore, because she has now abandoned the hairbuns in favour of a more practical pony-tail. She has passed all of June's weird little tests and so there was some celebration in order. But first June wanted to discuss something with Zuko.

She and Mai had run into Jet in the lower ring and he had brought up something interesting. Zuko rolled his eyes dramatically at that to indicate that talking about Jet was the very last thing he wanted to do right now, but he saw this conversation as the crappy cherry on top of an already terrible sundae.

June said that Jet had heard about how they were going to go after the Rough Rhinos. He had been able to prove to them that he had come from one of the villages that were burned down by those dudes. He very much wanted to help with the investigation, as well as the tying up and punishing of the Rough Rhinos. June felt that he could be useful – but she did want to run it by Zuko first. Zuko looked distinctly unamused by this and said _no! Absolutely not! Hell no! _

Mai huffed dramatically and rolled her eyes and said she knew that Zuko would say that. Because when it came to the choice between having a dumbass emotional response to something or thinking clearly and sensibly about a problem – Zuko always went with the dumbass option.

Zuko got a bit huffy at her and said that not wanting anything to do with that motherfucker was not the dumbass option. It was the most sensible option for him. Jet had repeatedly been a perverted creepy bastard to Zuko and if Zuko never laid eyes on him again it would be **too soon. **

Mai raised her hands like they were balance scales and said impassively _Jet's help and a guaranteed conviction that will be conducted with due legal process_ as she raised one hand. Then she lowered the other hand and said _oh look at this hand – it looks like you've had a dumbass reaction because you personally don't like the witness for the prosecution, and now there's a __**hot mess**__ and a long, drawn out process with an uncertain outcome. _She then moved her hands up and down to mimic a balancing scale.

Zuko snapped back that she could leave him alone. He had a right to personally dislike people who were unrelenting jerks. Mai huffed that he also had a responsibility to make sure these war crimes trials went as smoothly as possible – so it was time for him to_ spank his inner moppet _and _build a bridge and get the fuck over it._ Zuko huffed, then she huffed. And it was a bit awkward.

Mai sighed in a bored fashion and said _look – you've got...like __**feelings **__going on right now. _(she said "feelings" somewhat disdainfully). _So why don't you go play with your ex-girlfriend with the tits and sort those __**feelings**__ out and then get back to us? _Zuko looked confused and asked _what are you even talking about?_

Mai shrugged and said that they had run into Iroh down in the 27th district, hanging out with what's-her-face-with-the-big-boobs. He was planning on bringing her up to see Zuko – as a surprise.

Well, Zuko was certainly** surprised. **

I'm beginning to think that Uncle is also part of the reason why Zuko hates surprises.

Zuko asked what was going on (a bit indignantly). Jee made frantic shut-up gestures to Mai and June, while June breezily explained that his Pervy Uncle was bringing what's-her-face up to the teashop, so she could use her big-boobed magic and make Zuko feel less grumpy. This was apparently to remind Zuko that not every single person in the earth kingdom hated his guts and there was at least one dopey girl with big boobs who thought the sun shone out of his arse.

Zuko looked absolutely horrified at this turn of events. June said _oh don't look like that. This is a good thing. She's cute and into you. You're both single. If you play your cards right, you could be having sex tonight. _This comment did not assuage Zuko's horrified expression. June and Mai decided to make a tactical exit, now that they had ruined a surprise good at proper.

Zuko rounded on Jee and asked if he had known about this. Jee had. He agreed with June – this could be a good thing. According to Jee, Zuko had been bitching about being single ever since he broke up with the chick with the hairbuns, and Uncle and Jee were worried.

It seems that Zuko has taken to decrying his single status to Uncle Iroh and Jee whenever possible, as part of the ruse involved in keeping **our** relationship a secret. This plan has now back-fired because Iroh has taken it upon himself to try and "fix" Zuko's love life and "single" status.

Zuko started freaking out and saying _I can't believe he's done this to me. _Jee said Uncle hadn't done anything "to" him – he'd done a nice thing "for" him. Zuko just needed to be reminded that there were plenty more fish in the sea. _I don't want another fish right now! _Zuko snapped.

Jee told him to chill out, it wasn't even a big deal. A cute girl was going to be joining them for dinner and afterwards Zuko could like..take her out for icecream or whatever crazy kids did now... Besides, it was a done deal, she was already on her way with Uncle. Zuko now had a choice. He could either be a pratface to her and make everyone feel awkward, or he could have a nice night. Zuko made an exceptionally grumpy face at him.

Jee suggested we could put it to a vote. He asked that everybody in favour of Zuko _**not**__ being a pratface and having a nice night with a pretty girl who likes him _should raise their hands. He and Aang and Sokka all raised their hands. Sokka declared that it was three to two and majority rules. Zuko saw this as a big betrayal and said _Sokka!_ quite crossly.

Sokka said that Zuko could go on a nice date with a girl without a whole tribe full of warriors breathing down his neck saying "so are you going to marry her huh? When are you going to marry her? You know it will never work out between you two, but if you want to make it work then you need to marry her like yesterday and convert her to **our ways**." No, Zuko did not have to deal with any of that shit. He could go a nice date and** live the life Sokka could only dream of. **

Zuko threw a muffin at him and accused him of being no help whatsoever. He said_ you're meant to be on my side buddy _with some crossness. Sokka shrugged at said that he was. He didn't see what Zuko's problem was. _You're single now – so is she. Apparently she's cute and thinks the sun shines out your arse – So stop being an __**animal food trough wipe**__r and take her out for icecream. _Aang piped up in agreement of this sentiment. Zuko said _not you too! _Aang said that he thought that dates were meant to make people happy. He wanted Zuko to be happy.

I got up and had a small rant about how Zuko was perfectly capabale of running his own love life and didn't need Jee or Uncle to run around behind his back organising it for him. Jee said _err you've met Zuko right? w_ith a great deal of ill-advised cheekiness. Zuko snapped that Jee could go set himself on fire and stomped away out to the courtyard.

-o-

I followed him (as usual) after telling Jee, Sokka and Aang to bugger off and scolding them for being jerks. I found him sitting on the roof the teashop looking over the city. I could tell from the way he was sitting that he was pissed off. This was **classic sulk pose** here.

I sat next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. Zuko launched into a cranky rant about how his Uncle was a meddling nuisance who needed to stop interfering. He couldn't believe his Uncle had done this without even asking Zuko and now Zuko felt like he had to take Jin out.

I withdrew my arm.

Why did we have to take Jin out now?

Who cares what anyone else thought? Zuko could just tell her he** wasn't interested **when she arrived. Zuko felt that would be a bit rude, because she would have come along way just to see him. He didn't want to be rude to Jin. The only way he could see out of being bullied into taking her out was if he fessed up to his Uncle about our secret relationship. Then his Uncle would drop all this nonsense and "sort it out". I quickly nodded in comprehension.

There was a slight little pause, then Zuko cleared his throat abruptly and asked me if I thought that telling people about _us _would be such a bad thing – because if I didn't, he would totally be okay with telling people.

I thought about the tribal meeting today. The way everyone had turned on Bato. The way al those northerners had_ looked_ at him. The slight not of hysteria when they called him a_ sparkfucker._ That was what they'd call me – even though Zuko and I haven't...done that yet. I shook those bad thoughts off and then said that wouldn't just be a bad thing, it would be a terrible thing.

_See, I disagree. I was thinking that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if I told Uncle...and Toph...at least. _Zuko said hesitantly, before adding that he also would like to tell Sokka, because he felt **really bad **about lying to Sokka...and of course if we told Sokka, then maybe we should tell Aang and Suki...and I could decide if I wanted to tell my Dad – but if we told Sokka then my Dad would find out in a heartbeat.

But he felt like maybe our closest friends and family should know...that wouldn't be such a bad thing. He'd felt like he was kind of...being dishonest and dishonourable this morning, when he was hiding from Dad and Sokka. _Oh that reminds me – I've got your shirt in my medical bag_ I interjected, trying to change the subject away from revealing our secret.

I was in such a different place to him. I didn't know how to say it without hurting his feelings. I did not want to tell _anyone. _

But Zuko persisted. He said that he wasn't ashamed of the two of us being together and he didn't like lying. He was willing to tell people we knew we could trust. And maybe they'd flip out – but maybe they'd be okay with it. He wanted to know what I thought.

I told him in one big blurt thatI felt:_ no, no way and are you crazy to think about telling people_! I told him all about the tribal meeting, and the ban on intermarriages and everyone calling Bato a sparkfucker. I did not want to be called a sparkfucker! And I would be - if our secret got out. Zuko would be fine, he was a guy with a "reputation" (however fictitious, his reputation still exists). This sort of scandal would be like water off a duck's back to him. But it was **harder **as a tribal woman. Being a girl was harder! I would be ruined and notorious and I would never be completely accepted amongst my own people. My tribe would **never understand. **It would go so badly for us and maybe Zuko was ready to tell people, but** I just wasn't. **

He said fine, he understood – but if he didn't tell Uncle about us, then he would have to keep up this "I'm so single" ruse and then he'd have take Jin out. He wanted to know if I was okay with that. I said of course I was okay – why would Zuko think I wasn't okay with that? He would go and date another girl after we had decided to be exclusive and why on earth would I have a problem with that.

I know I was being contrary and unfair – but I couldn't seem to help myself.

Zuko sighed and said I didn't need to be like that. It wouldn't be a "date" date. He was _with_ me. He wasn't going to cheat on me. But he was in a really tricky spot right now. He didn't want to be rude to Jin either. She had been a really good friend to him when he'd lived in Ba Sing Se. I made what was possibly the **biggest frowns of my entire life **in response.

He took my hand and promised me sincerely that nothing would happen with Jin and I never needed to worry about that sort of thing. He asked _you believe me - don't you? v_ery urgently. I looked back at him, and into his eyes and I knew in my heart that I did. I told him that I believed him and I knew he wasn't the sort to break his promises.

Zuko asked if I could promise him something in return. He wanted me to promise him that tonight I wouldn't _do that thing I did, where I followed him and eavesdropped on him and shit. _Zuko felt like that should stop completely, now that we were going out.

I was a bit taken aback.

I mean... I always knew that he knew about some of the times when I've..._done that thing I do._

Note: I won't call it stalking because, in my opinion, it's not really stalking. Stalking was what Jet did. Stalking is bad. But what I do _is nice..._ and it is done from concern.

And Zuko has never really remarked on it before now. He's never let on that it bothered him at all...and I've been doing _that thing I do_ for months now.

I asked what had brought all this on? Zuko shrugged and replied that he'd been thinking about what I said about being in relationships and trusting each other. He had decided I was right. We did need to trust each other more, especially if we were going to keep _this_ a secret. He had always thought that I had done..._the thing I do.._.because I didn't trust him. If I kept doing it while we were a couple, then it was like I still didn't trust him and then what hope did we have? So he was asking me to stop.

It was a reasonable request. He did have a very good point.

But it was such an ingrained habit.

I always want to know what was going on with him.

But I could find that out now just by talking to him.

I didn't need to keep _doing the thing I do_...not really.

I was sure I could give that up for Zuko.

So I promised him I would stop.

And I meant it, really.

I was determined to keep this promise.

It's the first major thing that Zuko's actually asked of me – and I didn't want to let him down.

And I would have been able to keep this promise completely...if it wasn't for stupid Jet and his stupid big mouth.

-o-o-o-o-

Notes:

Lovely readers, you've reached the end of_ diplomatic immaturity. _Thank you very much for reading and I hope you've enjoyed it. Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews! I read and appreciate each one and getting feedback from you all warms the cockles of my heart. I'd also like to apologise for the delay between chapters. Sorry lovely patient readers! My muse got very distracted by Zutara Month and a few other side stories. My muse is an inconsistent beast at this time of year.

The insult _empty-headed animal food trough wiper_ is a nod to monty python and the french taunter.

I'll have to keep the notes short as I have been afflicted with time poverty. Basically this chapter was exploring a little more of the differences between the two water tribes (and I even managed to sneak in a line from the opening monologue – because I'm just a bit wily). The Water-tribes share many things, but there are still distinct differences in the tribes. They are not by any means interchangeable (eg No betrothal necklaces exchanged in the SWT vs everyone coming out the arse in betrothal necklaces in the NWT). I wanted to look at those differences, but also the things that unify the tribes and bind them together; I wanted to look at their mutual values; such as community and their common abilities like the ability to adapt and their ingenuity.

So this chapter had a lot of water tribe culture how it will effect Katara and Sokka. Especially in regards to inter-racial coupledom and marriage, as they both love people from different races. The Water tribes are fairly insular and I think a disapproving view of inter-racial marriage would be expected given their culture and history. I would say that no inter-racial marriage was probably a deeply held _custom_ previously – but now the NWT has enshrined it in their tribal laws. Inter-racial marriage would have become "an issue" now that the Water Tribes are facing a future in which they will be inter-acting much more with the other two nations.

Note: I know Han is actually meant to be spelled Hahn now – but I started out writing Han, and so I feel I should keep doing that for consistency's sake.

Anti-firenation feeling and anger towards "traitorous sparkfuckers" was touched upon in this chapter, with Bato unwisely revealing his relationship with Ming. The tribes as a whole will be more understanding of Sokka and Suki – because Suki is not "the enemy". However, in their eyes, it either has to be a fun fling, a bit of Sokka "sowing his oats" or if it is serious, they should get married and Suki will have to convert to "water-tribes ways" poste-haste.

Note: I just think a Zutara relationship makes sense on a thematic issue as well. The message in Zutara ties in so much better with the themes of ATLA, because their relationship would exemplify tolerance and love overcoming a century of war and prejudice. There is something beautiful and unifying in that. There is certainly more hope for the future than just a "hero always gets the girl – _because reasons_" thing that we have going on with Kataang.

Sokka finding out about Piandao and Water-tribe attitudes towards homosexuality were touched upon here too. Sokka has such a big heart, and such respect for Piandao and is such a giving soul, that I couldn't see this overly impacting on how he sees his master. He is very surprised by the news when he first hears it. If anything, Sokka is sad for him, because life would be harder for him and he will more likely run into unkindness.

We also got to see how Pakku feels about the whole thing, because his old-school traditional watertribe values would be at odds in his friendship with Piandao. I think that Pakku would adopt a _live and let live _attitude towards Piandao (as he sees him as an equal and friend). This might be indicative about how he will eventually feel about other unlikely couples, given enough time to_ get used_ to the idea.

Pakku still holds out hope that he can find a nice water-tribe boy for Katara and had taken to matchmaking. Iroh, has also taken to unwise meddling in his nephew's love life.

So Zuko has been talking (bitching) about how "single" he is now, after breaking up with Mai, as part of his ruse to keep his relationship with Katara a secret. Iroh would have been worried and tried to encourage Zuko that he should be more upbeat about his love-life and there's plenty more fish in the sea etc.

Iroh also has zero-idea (but many theories) as to what is going on with Zuko and Katara. In Iroh's opinion, they should have been shagging months ago and he doesn't understand what the hold up has been. He was a shipper on deck (hardcore), but at one point during the maiko schmozzle he would have internally thrown up his hands and said "bugger it – I give up! Those two will **never figure it out**."

Iroh's just trying to make Zuko happy here. He's been looking for Jin for a while now, because she was lovely, and if he can't have his OTP – then jinko is his second choice. He knows Jin's a sweet girl and she'd cheer his nephew up, and maybe give him a bit of a self esteem boost. His original plan was for Jin joining them for dinner to be a nice surprise for Zuko after a horrible, no-good day. (he was going to do the whole "oh look at who I randomly ran into at the market" thing. He would have thought he was being so wily.)

However, Iroh wont be in the dark about "the secret relationship" for long. Zuko is wily, but he is not _that _wily. Even if he wanted too, he wouldn't be able to keep this secret for too long around Toph and Iroh. But he does actually want to tell them about what is going on with him and Katara – because he doesn't like lying to them, and also he is super jazzed about it and wants to talk to _somebody _about it. But Zuko and Katara are in very different places here – when it comes to how ready they are to tell people.

But we will see them talk more about their difference of opinion in this regard next chapter. Also we'll see Jin (from Katara's perspective). Toph's parents are back – and we will see them too. Jet will also make a nuisance of himself. Katara will get a barmy idea. And shenanigans will ensue.

Til then lovely readers.


	21. Fuzzies for a King

O0o0o0o0o0o0

Fuzzies for a king.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

So I was walking back to the water tribe section when I saw June and Mai sitting with the last person I expected to see in the upper ring. Jet. I stood staring like a loon, because I could not believe that he was even here. June saw me and waved me over, all friendly like. This should have made me _at least_ a touch suspicious, but I wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on, so I joined them.

June and Mai were sharing a bench and Jet was taking up the very centre of the opposite bench. I cleared my throat and he scooted over for me and gave me a winning grin. I gave him a scolding look in response. I wasn't feeling particularly circumspect right then, so I just launched right in and asked Jet what he was doing here, in the upper ring.

He smugly told me that June had taken 'a liking' to him. June swatted him upside the head. She explained to me that Jet could be very useful to her investigation and so she had brought him up with her. She stage-whispered to me that she wasn't going to overlook the possibility that "an accident" could happen to him down in the lower districts– what with his big mouth and the way he blathered on. _With his big mouth, it's not even going to be an accident_ Mai interjected, dryly. Jet glared at her and sassed back something like_ your face is an accident. _

June waved her hand between them and they were both silenced. June explained that now Jet was trying to give them as much information as he could remember – which Mai was diligently recording (Mai rolled her eyes to show her diligence and possible impatience with Jet's "information"). June explained that since Jet wasn't going to be joining them, they needed to try and get his testimony/crucial details now – because they wouldn't be able to take him with them.

_You could take me anyway._ Jet suggested, sounding a bit uncertain and looking a bit forlorn. He gave June those big baleful eyes of his. June was not affected by the baleful eyes in the slightest. June shrugged and said that **Pouty had spoken **and his answer was clearly**no.**

If Jet wanted to be able to assist in the case, he would have to take it up with Pouty. By that she meant that Jet would have to get an audience with Zuko, have a **civil **conversation with him, and _persuade _him (through reasonable statements and a display of sanity– not violence) that he would be of assistance. Jet looked a bit worried – possibly because he and Zuko don't "do" reasonable conversations. They do the sort of conversations that end in people getting hit with sausages.

Jet asked if there was another way he could be allowed to help investigate, if a reasonable conversation wasn't on the cards. June asked **why** he didn't think a reasonable conversation was on the cards. Jet mumbled _no reason, just asking _in response.

June gave him a sardonic grin explained that one of the key parts of her job was knowing when she was being lied to. She knew that Jet hadn't told her the full story about lots of things (including, but not limited to, what went down between him and Zuko). June did not appreciate being lied to. Jet protested that there was nothing to tell.

Mai, not skipping a beat, said impassively, _If by "nothing" you mean your massive, weird stalker crush on Zuko that caused you to follow him everywhere trying to get him arrested, then yes – there's nothing. _Jet got most indignant and proclaimed repeatedly that he had never and would never fancy Zuko. Not in a million years. Not in a parallel dimension. Not ever.

_Not even if he showed up on my door, wearing that black thing...no wait... not even if he showed up on my door __**shirtless**__ and full of apologies for being such a jerk to me, while holding a bottle of rum in one hand and a bag of dumplings in the other...__**not even then **__would I deign to fancy him. _Jet concluded – certain that he had convinced us.

We were **not** convinced.

I don't think anyone else would have been either.

Jet got really wistful when he was talking about shirtless Zuko turning up on his door.

_Not even if he challenged you to some good old fashioned homoerotic sword play?_ Mai asked facetiously and smirked to herself. Jet got ranty back at her and said that he would stomp over to the tea shop and **prove to her** that he didn't fancy Zuko. _I'll tell him **to his face** that I don't fancy him. Will that prove it to you? _Jet demanded irately.

Mai was so amused that she made an actual smile. It actually transforms her face – a smile. June gave her a nudge and a questioning look. Mai explained that she was just struck by the mental image of Zuko having tea with Jin and Jet bursting in, at an inopportune moment, to declare his not!love.

Jet snapped to attention when Mai talked about Jin. _Jin? _He spat her name like it was a two day-old dumpling and asked if Mai meant Jin; Zuko's shameless hussy of a girlfriend with the huge boobs? That Jin? Mai said that of course she meant _that Jin_.

She added _They're over in the teashop now if you want to go and spoil their evening...for old time's sake. _She said all this in completely blank-face mode. Jet gave her a curious look and then asked _wait, do you __**want**__ me to ruin their date together. _

Oh, he is a perceptive one, that Jet.

Mai looked caught out for a second. She started denying it – but Jet spoke over the top of her. _Look at you over there, trying to play it cool, when deep down...you're going __**nuts**__ with jealousy. _He started crowing about how he was sure that Mai couldn't stand the thought of Zuko with another girl. Oh how she must hate the thought of them together, laughing together and having fun together.

Even though he was trying to get a rise out of Mai, his words **really got to me**. I mean I was already feeling **a touch jealous. **I was trying my best not to think on this mysterious Jin, because I already...kind of...dislike her intensely, and I don't even know her.

She could be really nice for all I know. All I know about her is that she is perky, she has huge boobs and she was Zuko's first girlfriend. I kind of detest her for that last thing. My dislike only grew as Jet continued banging on _I bet she'll shove her huge boobs in his face, and she'll mess up his hair, and they'll go to a park and make out – and then they'll go past an alley and have mindblowing alleysex. I've heard that Shameless Hussy bangs like a rabbiroo on cactus juice – so you know they just going to be __**at it **__all night! _

Mai didn't give away a flicker of emotion, but simply rolled her eyes and asked if Jet was " quite finished". He mimicked her posh voice and asked if she was "quite jealous". She snapped back that he was obviously **the only jealous one** at the table.

On the contrary, Mai – he's not the **only** jealous one sitting here. But I wouldn't be sitting here for much longer. I decided to take my leave of them, for my own sanity. Any more time sitting next to Jet, while he speculated about all the kinky sex he was sure that Zuko and Jin were having would just _do my head in._

-o-

So I don't even know Jin – but I do know Zuko. I know we've got something special. I know he wouldn't cheat on me. I know I can trust him. But right at that moment, I felt riddled with doubt and questions and mistrust. All I can hear in my head is Jet banging on about awesome sexy in alleys and giant boobs and how much fun he is sure they are having.

Are they having fun?

The thought that he is having much more fun without me (and with another girl to boot) niggles at me terribly. It is more worrisome that then standard _is she prettier than me _musings. Her boobs are certainly bigger at least.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. Jin could be taller than me, smarter than me, more talented in any numerous ways, and it wouldn't worry me. I can't be good at everything. But the idea that she is **more fun? **I can't handle that very well.

No one else thought I was any fun at all. They all thought I was so fussy and motherly. But Zuko thought I was fun. Back on Ember Island we had fun together.

Now everything is different and we hardly get any fun at all.

The idea that Jin is more fun than me is impossible for me to take and I'm not sure why. I think it's because, deep down in the back of my mind, I can still hear Toph shouting that I was so annoyingly motherly and hated fun, Aang saying that my jokes weren't funny, and Sokka not saying anything at all because he didn't want to agree with them and hurt my feelings.

That still makes me feel bad.

-o-

I saw Zuko and Iroh and some girl sitting in a tea shop. Even though I said to myself that I had made a promise and I wouldn't get all snitty and spy on Zuko tonight, somehow I ending up getting all snitty and having a small spy. They were near one of the windows, which made it easier to lean against an outside wall and listen in. I'd like to blame stupid Jet for this, but I did this all on my own.

-o-

The first thing I noticed is that Jin's boobs are not _that_ big! Honestly the way that Jet was going on about them, I was beginning to think that they were **bigger than moons **and would influence the tide. Or they were as big as planets and smaller boobs would orbit them. But they were just normal looking boobs. Jin herself was also very normal looking. She just seemed to ordinary. She seemed harmless actually.

She was blathering on excitedly about how she had been chosen by the head seamstress to travel with her to Omashu to chose new fabrics. Now that you could freely leave Ba Sing Se, Jin was finally going to see a bit of the outside world and have an adventure of her own (she smiled a big cat-with-the-cream smile here at the prospect of adventure). Zuko and Iroh were giving her bits of travel advice (never trust a man who says _I'll give you special price_, never make your own tea from roadside herbs etc).

Then Iroh started making lame excuses about how he _suddenly realised_ he had some pressing business _elsewhere._ Zuko started protesting that he knew his Uncle didn't have anywhere else to be. Uncle didn't let the truth get in the way of a good story and continued making lame excuses and taking his leave. He kissed Jin's hand in an extravagant manner and thanked her for her delightful company this afternoon. She giggled and Zuko groaned.

After Iroh had left, Jin made her play for **my **secret boyfriend. The wrath I felt at this knows no bounds.

Jin said that she was leaving the city soon, but before she left, they would still have time to ...pick up where they left off, if Zuko was interested. She started nervously babbling_ it can just be casual you know – nothing serious, but if you like... _

Zuko interrupted her there and said that he was really flattered, but he was **seeing someone.**

(yay!)

I took a quick peak and saw Jin flush with embarrassment, as she started nervously babbling that was_ great_ for him and she was _happy to hear it _and _of course_ he would be seeing someone, etc.

Zuko seemed very sorry to have made her so embarrassed. He quickly apologised and explained that his Uncle didn't know about Zuko seeing someone when he invited Jin up and Zuko hadn't wanted to be rude and...

oh no – now he was nervously babbling too.

I thought the whole thing was going to turn into nervous babble soup, but Jin took the high road. She said _really – it's fine _in a firm yet reassuring tone. Then she feigned nonchalance and tried to say jokingly _it would have never worked out between us anyway. _

_It wouldn't? _Zuko asked, a bit perplexed at this. Jin shrugged at said _Well, you're __**you**__ and I'm __**me **_like it was the most basic thing in the world. Zuko was still obviously a bit mystified, because Jin felt she needed to explain further. She said that she knew that the firelord taking up with a poor girl from the refugee districts would never be received well. Zuko agreed that she was right.

Then Jin's eyes seemed to widen as if she had just realised something remarkable. She giggled a little and then said _You were royalty all along. Bloody hell – I've kissed royalty. I mean. I knew you were a firebender, but I never guessed..__**.this. **_She giggled again, mostly in disbelief.

Zuko was struck by something she had said. He asked very abruptly _What? You knew I was a firebender?_ Jin nodded and flashed him a big smile and said that she had known almost the whole time. Zuko was a bit gobsmacked by this and asked her how she had even known. _Remember our first date_...(he nodded)..._well, I peaked _Jin confessed with a little grin.

Peaked at what?

I certainly hope she hasn't gotten a peak at anything I haven't gotten a peak at yet!

Anyway Jin's peaking seemed to make sense to Zuko because he nodded in understanding. I would have been a bit more miffed about this, but Zuko's next question just wrenched at my heart a little.

He asked _I don't understand. If you knew what I was, why would you even want to be around me – let alone go out with me?_ Gosh, it just made me so sad to hear him say something like that with such surprise.

He's gotten so used to people rejecting him, especially people from the lower ring when they find out that he's a firebender. He's gotten used to people being really hateful to him because he's from the firenation. He's being held answerable for every horrible thing the firenation did, now that he's the firelord. I didn't realise how much it must have been getting to him until that moment. Maybe Iroh is right. Maybe Zuko did need proof that not everybody in this city hates him.

Jin answered instantly _I went out with you because life is short and you were sweet._ She flashed him her usual cheeky grin and then added_ besides, I really __**liked**__ you._ Her eyes widened after she blurted that out.

That was obviously an accidental blurt. (Oh, I know how that feels).

Zuko looked really caught off guard and didn't say anything in response. Jin flushed red with embarrassment again and quickly got up. She seemed to think that retreat was the best option. She started blathering about how she was going to go now, but she didn't leave straight away.

After a second of dithering she said _listen, if it even goes pear-shaped with this girl you're seeing – drop me a line. _Then she leaned over and gave him a little peck on the cheek and said _You have a good day and a great life. _She gave him a final smile and walked away calmly...until she got to the door. At that point she made a dash for it. She ran right past me, her face a brilliant, blushing red.

So that was Jin.

-o-

I thought I would hate her – I just couldn't. There's nothing hate-able about that girl. I couldn't go in and join Zuko and tell him that I didn't hate her and I was glad they had seen each other. That would give away that I had been spying after I had promised not to.

After this, I will really stop.

That was definitely the last time.

-o-

I got back to the Water-Tribe section of the Palace to find Aang and Sokka "Brainstorming" a ridiculous and preposterous idea. They were trying to achieve world peace by making Kuei _happier. _They were a bit vague on the details of how this would be achieved, but the intention was rock solid.

Aang (after the_ salad-fork-up-your-arse _schmozzle) had been to see Kuei and the Dowager. During the meeting he had realised something which surprised him greatly. Zuko was **totally right. **Aang's astonishment at this realisation was abundant.

Apparently Aang had been sitting there and the Dowager had been doing _all the talking _(and she hadn't been talking about anything meaningful – just the décor and the seating chart for Aang's next party). All Kuei had done was look miserable, sigh a lot and appear uninterested. Aang suddenly understood _exactly why _the other Earth Kingdom leaders were frustrated with Kuei.

He was meant to be the supreme leader of the entire Earth Kingdom. He was meant to unite his people and lead them with kindness and confidence – but instead he just moped about sighing and being..._useless._ (Aang rarely said unkind things about anyone, and he almost clapped his hands over his mouth after he said_ useless._)

Anyway Aang had concluded that Zuko had a point about how Kuei needed to **step up** more as the leader of the Earth Kingdom. Aang hoped that if Kuei could show some leadership, the Earth Kingdom provinces would stop fighting so much and fall in-line behind him.

Sokka and I have not been in the Earth Kingdom meetings, but Aang had. Apparently their inter-provincial fighting makes the disagreements between our two tribes look like a _big happy sing-a-long and group hug._ Aang has been bouncing between the meetings trying to 'smooth things over' and he was getting to the end of his tether. His job with the Earth Kingdom was incredibly difficult and he didn't have anyone to help him out that much in the Earth Kingdom meetings.

Bumi was no help was so ever. He **hated** politics and found them boring. So he had concocted elaborate tests for the leaders of the other provinces for his own entertainment. Apparently they had to 'prove their worth and wisdom' before Bumi would talk to them. Because Omashu was such a prominent city, many leaders were trying to curry favour with him.

Bumi had made one leader hold a handstand for as long as he could today – just for shiggles. Aang had objected. Bumi had shrugged and told Aang that the whole politics thing was a **farcical circus** anyway, so there wasn't really any harm in making it into a real circus to entertain kings who were a bit bored, a bit mad and had a short attention span.

In the absence of practical help from Bumi, Aang had now concluded that the best way to help the peace process along was to make Kuei a better leader. Maybe Bumi had a point. It was all a bit of a circus...but every circus needed a Ring Master to keep everything together.

Sokka and Aang had brainstormed ideas to make Kuei a better leader/Ring Master and had settled on "making him happier, because happy people are more confident." There was a simplicity to this logic that I couldn't really fault. However, making someone happier is such a vague goal - I suggested that maybe we needed something more concrete.

Sokka had that covered!

Aang, Sokka and Ty Lee had each been sent on a fact finding mission regarding the King's happiness.

Sokka had taken a trip down to the kitchen and had found out all the King's favourite foods (and I'm sure he sampled a few himself). Aang was meant to find out what Kuei's favourite activities were. He had come up with the fact that Kuei must like animals. Aang has now spent most of the afternoon playing with cuddly things at the zoo in the name of "research".

So far their list said.

_**Kuei likes:**_

_Jam tarts._

_Delicious meaty-cheesy-filled pastry thing that has a name but Sokka can't remember what. _

_Puppies._

_Bears. _

_Appa. _

A rough plan had been formed. Take Kuei for a ride on Appa, give him a meaty pastry and then a jam tart – followed by a puppy. This puppy would ostensibly be ridiculously cute, well-behaved and a good friend to Bosco. Kuei would be happy that he had a puppy and would instantly be a better King.

That was the current plan.

They were still waiting for input from Ty Lee. Ty Lee had gone off to find out gossip about the King's love life ( Ty Lee said that Kuei is **super cute** and he must have girls after him.) According to Ty Lee, a girlfriend would give Kuei **the fuzzies. **(The fuzzies are apparently a good thing). Both the boys thought this was a bit superfluous because their puppy plan was so awesome and needed no extra fuzz.

Also because Sokka thinks having a girlfriend would be a lot of hassle for Kuei. Kuei was a king. There was **no way** he could have a girlfriend without everyone in the Earth Kingdom following him around going **when are you going to marry her huh?** According to Sokka, that got_ really_ annoying, _really _fast.

Aang thinks Kuei is_ not even that cute_ to begin with and he doesn't understand why a girl would fancy him. I think Aang's objection might just be ever-so-slightly influenced by jealousy. I have an inkling that his crush on Ty Lee still lingers, despite the fact that he has very determinedly tried to quash it. He is firm in his resolve to get over his crush on Ty Lee and just be her friend, however his crush is not something he can just _wish _away.

Though if you could wish away feelings – things would be a lot easier for everyone.

-o-

Ty Lee bounded in a few moments later, with her hair a mess, her make-up smudged and her hands waving excitedly. She had hit **the gossip jackpot. **She had been "talking" to this "nice" footman and he had most generously told her all the palace gossip about Kuei and his love life.

Apparently Kuei's relationship status was the worst kept secret in the Palace. Everyone knew about how Kuei had shacked up with a peasant healer. The Dowager had done her best to squash the rumours, all the servants who had gone with the Dowager to collect Kuei from "the peasant's clutches" had been paid off for their silence. However, everyone in the Palace still knew anyway.

Ty Lee's footman didn't know much about the peasant, except that she was a healer from the west. Ty Lee admitted that this wasn't much to go on, but she thought that we could take Appa, find this healer, bring her back to the Palace – and** voila! **The problem would be solved. Kuei would get _the fuzzies,_ then he'd feel better about himself and then he'd be a better king.

I think the fact that Aang immediately jumped on this plan is more a reflective of Aang's desperation/exasperation with Kuei and the Earth Kingdom, than the merits of the plan itself. Aang was about to go saddle Appa up and fly off to the west to grab a random peasant healer when Sokka booed the plan.

Sokka said that they couldn't just **grab any old western healer **and bring her back to give Kuei the fuzzies. Love didn't work that way. Kuei fancied a_specific one. _Only that particular healer could give him the fuzzies. Sokka pointed out that we didn't know who she was and we didn't have anyway of finding her.

_Well, that's not entirely true _I interjected. I told them that_I knew_ who she was. I also knew that we had an ideal way of finding her. We had June and Nyla here in the city. Kuei had a necklace that Song had worn everyday. Surely we could work out how to use these things to our advantage.

-o-

First step was finding June and getting her on board. That wasn't too hard. She was still in the same tavern with Jet and Mai. Shenanigans had ensued in the intervening hours since I last saw the three of them.

Jet had evidently said _something stupid _to Mai. In retaliation, Mai had pinned him to the wall with her knives and was watching him struggle as he tried to extricate himself from this pointy situation. Mai sounded a bit like a strict school teacher when she asked _Do you know why you have been sent to the "naughty" wall? _In her usual monotone. Even though her voice didn't give much away, she was smirking to herself a little. Jet was very blunt about what he thought about Mai, her knives and the "naughty" wall. June was laughing at their antics.

We told June we had a case for her and she came with us outside so it would be easier to talk. She was intrigued by the plan, which she rather rudely referred to as _Plan Pimp the King_. She was very amused by Aang's idea that _love is the answer to all the world's problems. _She said she'd do it - but she wouldn't make any promises that the world would be fixed.

She said that if Kuei was on board it would be a simple _catch and release_ job. It'd only take her a day or two, and it would be good training for Mai. Aang thought she was agreeing out of the goodness of her heart (he hasn't had much experience with June) so he nearly bounded away excited before we had discussed the matter of payment.

June doubled her catch and release fee because this job was for a King and could lead to world peace. She also wanted a Royal Eel Hound for Mai. (Apparently the Earth Kings have always bred the best Eel Hounds. June wasn't going to have her apprentice riding around on a substandard Eel Hound). And a favour. From me.

She led me apart from the group so we could have a chat – just the two of us. She asked me directly if I could have a word to Zuko ...about Jet. She explained that the Rough Rhinos were going to be the first war crimes trials – All the hoity toities in the Fire Nation were extremely sceptical about the war crimes trials as it was. So they needed all the evidence they could get if they wanted to prove, absolutely, that some bad shit had gone down.

Jet had so much knowledge of the region and the villages they raided. Having him along could make June's job **a lot easier. **June likes to keep everything_ as simple as possible_ when it comes to her work. She didn't see much sense in overcomplicating things. She declared that Pouty was her favourite customer and she didn't want to go behind his back. So it would be better for everyone if he changed his mind in regards to Jet coming with June and Mai.

I expressed that I felt that this was a very unlikely occurrence – due to the fact that Jet and Zuko **hate each other to an extraordinary and extravagant level**. Also Jet was a bit nuts, and despite all his protesting otherwise, I felt that_ Vigilante Jet _was never far from the surface.

But then I do understand how Jet feels. I had a _Vigilante Katara _moment when I knew how to find Yon Rha and finally had the possibility of getting justice for what happened to my mother. I understood why he wanted to join June and Mai in the hunt for the Rough Rhinos. But I also understood that his hatred was different from mine.

Jet's hatred was more potent and indiscriminate. I saved up my hate for one man, the man who had taken my mother from me. But Jet didn't just hate the Rough Rhinos – he hated all firenation people completely.

June agreed that Jet was a crazy mofo – but she also assured me that she and Mai would be able to keep him under control. In fact keeping Jet under control/ putting him in his place had become a favourite hobby of Mai's.

We both glanced over to the tavern. Mai was giving Jet a rather drunken and very impassioned _these are the reasons why __**you suck**_speech. I was a bit amused to see that Mai's habit of making angry drunk speeches continues. It so odd, because she is so impassive most of the time – but when she is drunk and annoyed, she just _goes blah_ and _all this stuff _comes out.

I said that if June was** sure **they could keep Jet under control, then I would have a word to Zuko. I couldn't promise anything, and I wasn't sure why June was asking me in the first place. There was no reason why June should think that I would have more sway than she would.

I was just a bit worried about what she was insinuating by asking me. Zuko and I still have to keep this _thing between us _a secret after all – but if people see me as the person to "talk to" Zuko for them, then our secret will be out pretty quickly...I guess I also didn't like the implication that I could talk Zuko into to something that he didn't want to do.

So I protested quite spiritedly that June had no reason to think that I could convince Zuko. I wouldn't even know how. But she just raised an eyebrow and said _oh, I'm sure you have your __**wily ways**__ sweet-thing._ Then she gave me a rather suggestive wink and sashayed away like the conversation was finished.

But it wasn't finished. Jet also wanted to have a word to me.

-o-

Aang, Sokka, Ty Lee and I were all walking back to the Palace discussing the best was to approach this with Kuei. Was there a way to say _We think you need to cheer up and get a shag from your peasant lover – it will make you a better king_ without it soundly terribly sordid and tawdry?

(The answer is no).

Sokka felt that the Earth King had taken a** few blows to his pride today**, and maybe instead of saying that **to his face, **the better option would be to _bop him on the head _and _steal the necklace, _thus avoiding an awkward conversation (but possibly not avoiding charges that came with assaulting the Earth King).

Ty Lee thought that violence was completely unnecessary. She thought that we could just explain to Kuei about **the fuzzies. **The fuzzies should be a sufficient reason for anyone.

A more detailed explanation of **the fuzzies **was needed for me.

According to Ty Lee, people did all sorts of things for fuzzies. Suki had taken over an airship because Sokka gave her the fuzzies. Mai had stood up to Azula at boiling rock because Zuko gave her the fuzzies. Oma had flattened two entire towns because Shu gave her the fuzzies, but he was dead so she'd never get fuzzies again.

Like Oma, the Earth King had _lost his fuzzy_ when he lost his healer. But instead of flattening two towns in response to this loss, he had _flattened himself_ until he was _a flat man with a dingy grey aura._ Like Oma, Kuei really just wanted the fuzzies back. Ty Lee was sure that if we presented Kuei with a chance to reclaim his fuzzy, he would take it.

It was in the middle of this rather fascinating and fanciful conversation that Jet found us. He must have been released from **the naughty wall.**

He tapped me on the shoulder and asked if he could speak to me alone. I gave him a cross look. He gave me the mournful puppy-dog-eyes. I am not as tough as June and I relented. Sokka made some protective older brother mumblings – which were very sweet but kind of unnecessary. I can handle Jet after all.

Jet said that June had told him about our conversation and about how I hadn't seemed too keen. He had come to try and convince me to argue on his behalf. I did my usual protesting (no reason to think I can convince Zuko if he's made his mind up. No reason why he would listen to me over anybody else and I didn't know why Jet and June thought he would. Etc) Jet got a bit impatient with me and exclaimed _because he__** fancies **__you, you daft strumpet!_

I should have been insulted. I had just been called a daft strumpet after all. But coming from Jet, that is practically a term of endearment. I started denying it. (You're the daft strumpet! He does not fancy me etc) but Jet blustered _he does too. I'm a perceptive dude, I can __**tell **__these things. I can tell he thinks the sun shines out of your arse. So just do me a solid favour and use your shiny-arse powers for the greater good. _

The greater good? I took issue with that. I hardly saw how taking Jet's side in this was for the greater good. Regardless of any fancying Jet thought he perceived (I wasn't going to be baited into **that **conversation) there was no reason to think that Zuko would re-evaluate his opinion of Jet just on my say so. Jet had to admit he had be unrelentingly horrible to Zuko – when Zuko hadn't ever done anything to deserve it as far as I can tell.

Jet got stroppy and told me that Zuko had done plenty. I put my hands on my hips and got stroppy rigth back and asked him _What exactly did he do? And don't say he was a firebender because that __**cuts no ice **__with me. _Jet seemed completely lost for words at that. Without the "firebender" excuse, he really doesn't have much reason to hate Zuko.

I started to rant at Jet about how deplorable I thought his behaviour had been, how pointless I found his blanket hatred towards the firenation, and how Zuko was _my friend_ and I wasn't going to take Jet's side over his.

Jet said that he wouldn't expect me to – but he at least expected me to _understand_ why he _needed_ to help June catch the Rough Rhinos and try and help him out. He pointed at me a bit accusingly and said _you told me what the firenation did to your mother. You're meant to understand this! _

I remember that. Jet and I, in the treehouse, bonding over the horrible things that had happened to us. We were two angry teeangers, hating the firenation together. I'd thought I'd found a kindred spirit back then. I felt foolish now - for telling Jet so much. I so rarely every talked about my mother. I've only ever told the full story of what happened to two people. I was so much more unguarded with my heart when I met Jet.

Jet could tell he'd hit a soft spot. He pressed on and said that he wouldn't ever be able to even start get over what happen to him until he got some justice. But he didn't expect that anyone was going to hand him justice for what happened on a silver platter. You had to _work_ for that kind of justice. He just wanted to help.

He seemed really sincere and I found my heart breaking a little for him. Jet lost both his parents when he was so young and he had to grow up so quickly and he's never gotten over it. Maybe being allowed to help June was exactly what Jet needed. It would give him some catharsis and some sense of control in his own life at least. I was softening and I knew it.

June needed Jet's help and Jet really wanted to help. The answer was so simple.

But I wasn't quite ready to roll over and capitulate just yet. There was one thing I needed to clear up first. I put my hands on my hips and said that I knew how much this case meant to Zuko and I would need Jet to solemnly promise me that he would **not flip out. **Jet promised quickly. But then he had to ruin it by saying _Why does it even mean so much to stupid Zuko anyway? I wouldn't think he'd give a rat's arse about some poor villages _with a disdainful little wrinkle of his nose.

I was stroppy again. I said that **of course** Zuko cared. The fact that Jet thought he wouldn't was just because Jet didn't know him very well. Jet shrugged and said Mai had been saying that the war crimes trials are going to stir up and arseton of trouble in the firenation. He was just surprised that Zuko would invite **more **trouble for himself.

I explained that Zuko wanted to do what was right, regardless of how much trouble it brought him. Besides the case was personal for him too. His cousin Lu Ten had filed so many reports detailing the misconduct of the Rough Rhinos right before he died. Zuko wanted to finish what his cousin had started.

Jet looked stunned, like I'd slapped him in the face with a fish (people are always surprised to be hit in the face with a fish). For a moment he was silent, then he repeated what I said, in a tone that sounded like he was musing to himself out loud._ He had a cousin...called Lu Ten...who tried to get the Rough Rhinos punished...but then died? _I thought he was asking for clarification, so I affirmed everything he said.

I pointed out that Jet shouldn't act so surprised. He wasn't the only person in the whole world who'd lost somebody to the war after all. The people in the Firenation had lost loved ones too...I had a **very salient point** to make here, but Jet interrupted me to ask _Zuko really had a cousin called Lu Ten?_ Again. I got a bit impatient with Jet here and said yes - but we'd already covered that! Hadn't Jet been listening?

But there was no smirking comment in response from Jet. Instead he looked a bit like he'd swallowed a goose egg (either that or he was about to vomit). He seemed like he'd barely registered my grumpy comment. Instead he asked slowly _how did Lu Ten die?_

I told Jet that Lu Ten had died in the siege. His death was the reason the siege had ended. It was why General Iroh had stopped fighting and the firenation had retreated. Didn't Jet know that? I thought _everybody _in Ba Sing Se knew that...well it turns out that everybody **except Jet **knew that.

He suddenly leaned back against a nearby wall. His eyes were wide and he looked like he had just realised something astounding. After a moment, he asked softly _It was in spring wasn't it? The siege ended in spring. _I nodded.

This little nod seemed to have such a profound effect on Jet. It really weirded me out actually. He turned around and leaned his head against the wall and beat it once, hard, with his fist. Then he muttered_ I am such __**an idiot!**_ He said this to himself rather vehemently. While he will get no argument from me (Jet is a bit of an idiot after all), I couldn't fathom why he was declaring it now.

I could tell he was upset. So I did what I always do when people are upset – I tried to make him feel better. I put my hand on his shoulders and gave him a soothing pat and asked him what's wrong. _Oh nothing, I just realised that I have __**wasted so much of my time**__ making enemies in my head._

Jet looked hopelessly around the alley for a minute and then made a mirthless sort of chuckle and said _I really am a bit crazy, aren't I_? This question was more rhetorical. It wasn't really directed at me. But I answered it anyway. (Yes, you are as mad as a cat dressed in a bonnet etc). I was joking with him and trying to lighten the mood, but if anything he looked even more forlorn. I tried to cheer him up, because he seemed so sad. But he fobbed me off and took his leave. He said he needed some time alone to _think. _

_-o-_

I rejoined the others, who had been waiting for me. We walked back together. Sokka was most insistent at knowing what Jet wanted. I told him that I had just help him realise he was a bit crazy. Sokka made a few sarcastic comments about how Jet had _only just _realised that.

They told me that they had decided to we should talk to Kuei tomorrow. Well, specifically _I_ should do the talking, because the talking is "my thing." The three of them are sure that I can persuade Kuei into going after his fuzzy – and thus Operation Fuzzy will be launched, Kuei will get a boost of confidence, be a better King and peace will reign over the land!

-o-

In the morning I got up stupidly early to go see Zuko. He's always up stupidly early. We were actually meant to meet up tonight in the park again, but I just couldn't wait to see him and tell him all about the shenanigans of last night.

He was quite surprised to see me, but happy surprised. We had a small conversation in gestures. I'd thrown a few icecubes at his window to get his attention – but that had made a bit of noise. He'd held a finger to his lips for silence and then made a series of gestures that I didn't quite get. I shrugged to show my incomprehension. He gestured for me to stay where I was and disappeared from the window.

After a few minutes, he came around the side of the building and took my hand and lead me a short distance away. He whispered that we had to be _very quiet_ because his Uncle and Jee were both awake now. We walked down some stairs until we were under to courtyard balcony. When we were sure we were alone and unwatched there was a bit of wanton kissing (there usually is).

We didn't have as much time as I would like for wanton kissing, because Zuko had to go pick up Toph from her parents. Her parents wanted to talk to him "on his own" and this is causing anxiety. It has been decided that Uncle should _do the talking _when it comes to Toph's parents. But Zuko was determined to prove to the Bei Fongs that he was a "responsible young man" or at least get through the meeting without saying anything rude or stupid (a noble goal).

We started heading towards where the Bei Fong's were staying, but because it was morning and many more people were up and about, we couldn't hold hands and be all snuggly and coupley.

That sucked a bit.

He asked me what had got me up and about so early. I am not one of life's natural morning people after all. I said that I had just really wanted to talk to him about last night. He immediately thought I was asking about Jin.

This is a fair assumption, considering I had a small jealous snit about her during our last conversation. Zuko had no idea about my small spy and the fact that I wasn't worried about Jin in the slightest. So I let him tell me all about his night and reassure me that nothing had happened.

Then I told him about my night. Aang and Sokka's mad idea that making Kuei happier would make him a better king and how we were going to launch Operation Fuzzy today. I asked Zuko what he thought of the plan. _I think it's a bit stupid, ridiculous, and liable to fail completely and spectacularly – but other than that I can find no fault with it. _

I got a bit defensive and said that it could work. We had to **do something** to try and unite the Earth Kingdom behind Kuei. If both Aang and Zuko were having real problems dealing with the Earth Kingdom as it is now, then these peace talks would just stagnate.

Zuko said that all that was true. But he was no stranger to plans blowing up in his face and he could spot a **face-exploding plan **a mile away. This plan was going to blow up in _somebody's _face, he was sure about that.

I wasn't so sure. It was Aang's plan, and Aang's plans never seem to blow up in his face. Aang plans can get _a bit iffy_ in the middle, but they always turn out alright in the end, as a general rule. Zuko agreed and said that Aang had remarkable luck in the non-exploding plan department. I said something along the lines of maybe Aang plans were just made out of less flammable stuff than Zuko plans. I got the grumpy face in response.

I told him about seeing June last night and how June thought that bringing Jet along on the Rough Rhinos case would make her job much easier, but she wouldn't take him without Zuko's say so because she knew how much Zuko hated him.

Then I told him that I had actually spent ages talking to Jet last night. Zuko had a jealous snit of his own as soon as I mentioned seeing Jet last night. I pointed out the very obvious jealousy and how unnecessary it was. Zuko got huffy and said he was **more irritated** than jealous. It annoyed him that Jet was still hanging around, _lingering, _like a bad smell. _He's like a __**passive aggressive fart,**__ just a little more aggressive_.

What on earth is a passive aggressive fart?

I was so distracted by this pronouncement . The conversation temporarily went off on this little tangent.

A passive aggressive fart is apparently something that Uncle would do on the ship whenever he wanted Zuko to take a break. When Uncle had _exhausted all other means of persuasion_, he would get a little passive aggressive (and very wily) about it.

Uncle would eat lots of beans (or some other flatulence casing substance). He'd saunter into the control room, say a few proverbs nonchalantly, drop an** enormous silent but deadly fart bomb**, and wander away _all pleased with himself._ These farts would be so toxic smelling that everyone would temporarily evacuate the control room. Then Zuko would be _forced _to take a break.

I got a bit lost with the metaphor. If Jet was a passive aggressive fart – did that mean that he was like enforced vacation time? Zuko said _no, Jet is like this really annoying, stupid, lingering, ridiculous, disgusting thing that stops me from doing my job. _

I pointed out that Jet could actually be of help here. He could make the job of catching the Rough Rhinos easier. He could help Zuko and Zuko could help him – and then we will all help each other and peace will reign supreme.

Zuko didn't feel inclined to help Jet. He even said_ I don't see why should I fucking help him. _With a great deal of fierceness. I told him that he had really helped me face my Yon Rha when the time came. The Rough Rhinos were Jet's Yon Rha. Zuko seemed to understand a bit more when I said that.

Maybe helping June could give Jet some closure and help him move on. … besides, June and Mai could definitely handle him. If he acted up, Mai was more than willing to pin him to "the naughty wall". _Mai and June will be able to handle him and their jobs will be much easier. You'll get your incontrovertible proof for the war crimes trials. Jet will get some closure and be less of a nutbag. It's not a bad outcome for everyone._

I said that he'd only have to be civil to Jet for _five minutes_, then Jet would_ ride off into the sunse_t (metaphorically) with June and Mai. Jet would acquire a new hobby and would linger around Zuko no longer!I think it was actually the prospect of finally getting Jet **out of his hair **that actually swayed Zuko.

He rolled his eyes and then listed on his fingers. _Being blown up by pirates...nearly freezing to death...having two members of my immediate family try to kill me...having to be civil to Jet for five minutes. _He gave me a wry grin and said_ I can't decide which is __**more fun **_sarcastically.

I knew it was a yes. A yes to putting aside his personal grudge because there were more important things.

Right then, I really loved him.

Because we were in a public street, I couldn't show it by any kisses or hugs or any of the usual sort of physical affection that's become rather common-place between us. But I had to do something to express all these feelings. I found myself telling Zuko that _he _gave _me_**The Fuzzies. **

He didn't think I had gone bonkers. He'd known Ty Lee for a lot longer than I had. He knew all about what **The Fuzzies** actually meant. He gave me a little private smile (the sort of smile that only happens when it is just the two of us) and said _you give me the fuzzies too. _

_-o-_

* * *

Rambly notes.

Thanks my lovely readers for reading this fuzzy chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. Mad love to all my wonderful reviewers! You guys know how much I love you. Every review is greatly appreciated! Sorry this chapter took so long for me to publish!

A few things about this chapter:

Bumi – oh Bumi I love your mad self, but I think you'd be utterly useless in a political forum. You would find it pointless and stupid and all the other politicians dull. I can see Bumi doing stuff like this to spice up the meetings for himself.

Speaking of useless in the political forum...

Kuei – oh Kuei, I love him too, but he always did strike me as someone who had a very **steep learning curve **as a ruler. Kuei is in an even tougher spot than Zuko. He had been very effectively sheltered from his duties as King and seemed perfectly content as a figure-head. He also is very unsure of himself and he did not strike me as the most confident fellow. He is a new and untried leader. Zuko is also new to his position – but I think he would fare better because he as a much more solid sense of person and purpose. Even in the show, Zuko has a lot of gravitas and just plain old _gumption. _Kuei does lack gumption.

Even though I hate the 'behind every strong man is a strong women' thing ( for the usual reasons – why can't the women shine in their own right etc etc)_ – _I can see how necessary it would be in an absolute monarchy like the EK. In that kind of monarchy, it is crucial that a leader surround himself with good people to prompt him in the right direction. Odds are, if the leader is male, (barring few exceptions they always were) the person closest to him would be a woman (either mother or partner).

Right now the Dowager is the "strong woman" behind Kuei – but she doesn't really want to push him in_any_ direction except backwards. She very much wants to push him and Ba Sing Se back into what she sees as a "golden time". Rose coloured glasses and all that.

Song, clever and compassionate and personable, could really be an asset to Kuei. Not only will she give him affection and assurance, but she will also be able to give him valuable insight into "the peasant class." I always got the impression that those in Ba Sing Se saw the peasants more like serfs. But the serfs are numerous and deserve a King who considers them.

But there will be more on Song and Kuei to come.

Everyone's bus comes back in this story. Even Jin. I must confess that I love Jin! If I did not ship Zutara, I would be content if Zuko reunited with Jin (because she was such a darling). Despite how much I love Jin, I didn't really have that much for her _to do _in this story – except let Zuko know that someone knew the truth about him being a Firebender and liked him anyway. Considering the countless rejections he's gotten over being FN – this would be big news for him. I wanted him to know that not everyone will hold his roles/abilities (the firelord, a firebender) against who he is as a person and take some hope/comfort from that.

Also Jin **must have known** that Zuko was a firebender after their first date. I subscribe to the theory that she peaked (mostly because I think everyone would have a little peak). Even if she did not peak, it would not be **that hard** to put two and two together. Jin is not a moron.

"Life is short and you are sweet" is an allusion to my favourite Dr who episode _Blink, _when Billy says to Sally "life is short and you are hot". I like the pluck and spontaneity in that. Jin had lots of pluck and spontaneity.

For more background on Jet and Lu Ten, I wrote a short fic called _New Years _(not completed yet) that details what happened between the two of them one fateful New Years Eve.

_The naughty wall_ is a bigger, glorified version of _the naughty step, _But I am sure that once they are on the road Mai will employ naughty trees, naughty rocks, and naughty bushes as Jet's rudeness/necessity demands. I don't know if I ship Jet and Mai, but I do know that they are both glorious snark bombs who have a great_snap, crackle and pop_ together.

Next chapter: The Bei Fongs are back! We will see what this means for Toph and her relationship with them. Operation Fuzzy will be launched (and will explode is _someone's _face). Zuko and Jet will try to have_a civil _conversation and shenanigans will ensue.

Til then lovely readers...


	22. Under the Iceberg

0o0o0o0o0o

Under the iceberg.

0o0o0o0o0o

-o-

Toph looked like she was being molested by every single lace-maker in the upper ring by the time I found her, deep in the Bei Fong compound. I don't think I've ever seen her quite so happy to greet me. In truth, I was very glad to see her too. Zuko and I had been kept waiting for so long that we had started to become a bit paranoid about Toph's whereabouts.

Due to a combination of paranoia and impatience, we decided that it would be a good idea if I went and had a quick little look for Toph (under the guise of looking for the bathroom). Zuko was meant to be having "a talk" with Poppy Bei Fong, so it would be much more noticeable if he absconded and had a snoop around the house.

Toph was wearing some sort of layered behemoth of a dress. It had poofy adornments, many tiers, giant sleeves and an incredible amount of lace. It is apparently the latest Ba Sing Se fashion. It is a dress that has been specifically designed for the "Fancy Lunch" later today. Her Mum was making her wear it.

I couldn't help but stifle a snigger at the sight of her in it. She _humphed_ back at me and I felt bad. I tried to make it better by saying something supportive. She got a bit cross over my supportive mutterings - more cross that the situation warranted.

I could hazard a guess as to why.

I did not think her evening with her parents had gone as well as she would have hoped. I tried to prompt a discussion on this (and how familial relations stood in the Bei Fong household now), but Toph got super-defensive about everything and shut the conversation down.

She did this (pretty effectively) by insinuating things about me and Zuko. _What are you even doing here Katara? I thought mum told Zuko to come on his own? Oh, you just __**ran into him**__ eh? Have you two been __**running into each other**__ a lot recently? _Etc etc. Conversation about her family was abandoned, while I went into full on defensive/denial mode.

Toph whacked me lightly with her lace fan and called me an _idiot _affectionately.

Then she picked up her skirts and declared that she had to get out of here. Was there anyone who was being ridiculously stupid that she could beat up? A crisis that she could sort out? Anyone needing some tough love? Toph felt like she needed to do something _practical _and_ useful_ -**right thisminute. **

I couldn't really think of any crisis that needed Toph's urgent attention, but I suggested that Sokka and Aang might need some help with Operation Fuzzy.

Toph was given a brief explanation Operation Fuzzy.

Toph smacked the centre of her forehead with her palm upon receiving said explanation. She mumbled under her breathe_ I can't leave you lot alone for five minutes..._

-o-

We went to find Zuko and make a hasty retreat. We found him and Poppy in the middle of one of those_ really awkward moments _where everyone is trying to be polite, but they are secretly thinking about **flinging finger sandwiches in the other person's face. **

Poppy was blathering on about how Lao and General Iroh had already come to an agreement. Lao thought that time with the Firenation Royal family would be beneficial to Toph. Of course, Poppy would never wish to contradict her husband, but she remained unconvinced that this "arrangement" was in Toph's best interests. Poppy had obviously (and erroneously) concluded that Zuko would be easier to sway on this matter than his Uncle.

Poppy main reservations were about Toph's Earthbending. Toph had given her reason to believe that Zuko and his Uncle _encouraged_ her in her various earth-related endeavours, even though it was so crude and dangerous. (Poppy sounded suitably scandalised at this). Poppy Bei Fong went on about how Earth Bending was such _a peasant _ability. She did not want Toph engaging in it further.

Zuko pointed out that Toph was one of the **best Earth Benders in the world. **You could not get further engaged than that! Furthermore, she had invented metal bending (_a monumental achievement, not even King Bumi could do that, the Bei Fongs should be proud, etc etc_). Zuko tried to convince Poppy that Toph's bending skills would actually bring her much prestige.

I could tell that Zuko was frustrated with her (I could practically hear his impatience growing with every _Well, with all due respect Lady Bei Fong, I feel that..._ he uttered) but he was trying his utmost to be polite. He was really trying to avoid **a scene.**

Poppy was also being very polite – the sort of **uneasy, wide smiling, vaguely creepy politeness** that seems common among the Earth Kingdom aristocracy. They favour the politeness where their words say "Good Morning Lady Katara of the Water Tribe. Are you well?" but their expression says "Get the hell out of my way you filthy savage!" There's such a disconnect in the Earthkingdom between what people say and what they mean.

People don't normally show their real feelings in the Earth Kingdom.

It's probably why they're all so bamboozled over Kuei's behaviour. He's **showing his feelings all over the place** and no one knows what to do about it.

I'm still getting used to it. In my tribe when someone has a problem with you, they tell you directly to your face. (I have told many people, directly to their face, _exactly_ what I think of them). I think this is a better way of doing things really. Grievances are aired, and yes that **gets messy,** but then at least everything is out in the open. When we know what the problems are, we can work together to sort it out.

Toph thought we should interrupt them when her mother broke a biscuit in half. Very deliberately. Breaking biscuits in half was actually an indication of _towering rage. _(See what I mean about people **not** showing their real feelings. How does a broken biscuit equal a towering rage?) Toph flounced in (it was impossible for her to walk in that dress without flouncing). She declared that she was ready to go, and flounced back out again.

There was some shenanigans while Poppy fussed over Toph's dress, and how pretty she looked. Toph was reminded not to get the dress at all dirty, because she needed to wear it to some fancy-pants luncheon later. Then we were all politely ushered on our way.

-o-

Once we were all out of the Bei Fong house, Toph was all curiosity about what her mother had wanted to talk to Zuko about. Zuko looked a bit uncertain. He didn't want to hurt Toph's feelings, but he couldn't lie to her either.

He said that Poppy has just wanted to convince him that Toph shouldn't be allowed to live with him and his Uncle and continue Earthbending. She should instead be forced to come home to her_ real family, _because they knew what was best for her_. _Toph nodded, like this wasn't entirely unexpected. Zuko explained that he'd told Poppy that she would have to take this matter up with Toph. It was completely up to Toph where she lived. This was Toph's choice.

Toph seemed to really appreciate this.

Zuko thought it went well, all things considered. He and Poppy hadn't agreed at all, but they had been amicable about it. Zuko hadn't insulted Poppy or broken anything. No one had shouted. No swear words had been used. These things are indicators of a "good meeting" as far as Zuko is concerned. (Zuko's standards of what constitutes a good meeting no longer include _coming to a mutually beneficial agreement_. Ba Sing Se has just beaten that fanciful notion out of him.)

The worst thing that happened was that he'd felt a bit uneasy, because it seemed like Poppy Bei Fong was **judging** him the whole time. But perhaps it was his imagination. Toph told him not to worry. It seemed like she was trying to reassure him, until she added bluntly. _It wasn't your imagination. She judges everyone._

Zuko bluntly asked how her night with her parents had gone anyway. Toph crossed her arms and just said _it went fine. _She said this in a warning tone of voice, indicating that she didn't want to discuss it. She switched tacks and asked Zuko how his night had gone. How was the big date?

Zuko made an aghast expression. How Toph had even known? Toph shrugged and said _Uncle tells me everything. _Zuko got a bit cross and said that both Toph and his Uncle really needed a **new hobby** aside from trying to **drive him potty** and **run his love life**. They were both **so nosy. **It was **really getting annoying.**

Toph was nonplussed by this. She asked him how it went again. He got huffy and snappy _None of your business. _She smiled cheekily and said _That well, eh? _Zuko did that exasperated sigh that he does. He said firmly _Look, it was nice, but I'm not going to be seeing Jin again. _He said this firmly, like he hoped it would be the final word on the subject.

Toph got the biggest smile on her face. It's like Sokka's grin before he says something that he thinks is going to be hilarious. _Don't worry...there's plenty more fish __**in the sea...**__plenty more seaprunes to be stewed...If you know what I mean?_This cracked her up for some reason. (At least she cracks herself up). Then she glanced between us, smiled knowingly and then said _Yeah, you __**know**__ what I mean!...You guys?...You guys totally know what I mean... right?_

Oh, we knew what she meant.

It was pretty hard not to know what she was insinuating. She had done an** exceptionally rude **hand gesture when she said _plenty more seaprunes to be stewed, _after all. Zuko and I exchanged a glance. We were trying to keep our _seaprune stewing_ a secret after all.

Zuko seemed to decide that the best defence is a good offence. He took a pot-shot at the lacy dress of ridiculous and said something about how he couldn't take any of Toph's suggestions seriously when she was looking like a giant doily.

Toph got stroppy and told him to shut up about her dress. Zuko evidently felt pleased that he had changed the subject so successfully. He got a bit cocky and replied _Or you'll do what? Flounce at me? _Toph crossed her arms and said in a deadpan tone of voice, _I could always slip you some cactus juice, dress you in __**this dress**__ and leave you somewhere public in the lower ring. _

That shut him up.

-o-

So Kuei was alone in his throne room with Bosco, when Aang and I entered. Aang had taken full responsibility for Operation Fuzzy and wanted to be the one to broach it with the King. I was to help him "do the talking".

The others were all waiting outside with various degrees of anticipation or trepidation. Sokka had been canoodling with Suki last night and had told her all about Operation Fuzzy. Suki, like Toph and Zuko, thought Operation Fuzzy was _a bit daft. _Suki, however, was much more fond about Operation Fuzzy's daftness, because she saw it as proof that Sokka was_ a big romantic,_ deep down.

-o-

Aang and I went about the whole thing **all wrong.** I felt like I had at least _18 feet in my mouth _by the end of it. I always thought "the talking" was my thing, but in this case **it really wasn't. **

We offended Kuei right at the get go with our insinuation that he wasn't a good king and needed a bit of _lady company_ to help him along. He felt this was a bit tawdry as well as insulting. Aang tried to defend our position and said_ but we aren't even asking you to __**do sex **__with her. We just want to make you a better king. _

Operation Fuzzy exists entirely because Kuei isn't doing _a great job _at the moment. There was no getting around that. But having his all failings as a King pointed out by an incredibly well-meaning Aang was probably **not **what Kuei needed quite at this point.

Kuei was most indignant that I had told Aang (and countless others) about Song. He felt that this was a betrayal of his confidence. He was cross at me (rightly so, I guess.) He stormed out in high dudgeon. He sailed past where the others were waiting and stomped into the gardens.

_Well, that went as well as I expected _Suki said with a slight shrug.

-o-

There was some discussion between us about what we should do. Should someone try and talk to Kuei? Aang and I were** right out, **as we had just royally pissed him off.

Zuko felt that he should also be disqualified, on account of the fact that he had an unfortunate tendency to berate Kuei and call him things like _pansy-arse nancy boy. _

Ty Lee had a unfortunate tendency of saying _wow, super_ and _shiny _all the time. She spoke about auras and unicorns a bit too much to be of assistance in this instance.

Toph thought this whole idea was stupid and someone should just go and give Kuei and good kick up the arse and tell him to _suck it up. _(Toph, in fact, volunteered to do just that.)

Suki was trying to say that maybe Kuei being cross about this was for the best. Maybe we could come up with a better (ie less mad and desperate) plan to unite the Earth Kingdom.

But Sokka wasn't quite willing to give up yet. He still thought this plan was worth a shot. He wanted to try have a chat to Kuei. He looked right at Zuko and said _look, this might fail spectacularly – but I still have to __**try. **_This was obviously some sort of **boy code** because Zuko acted like this was **the most profound thing **Sokka had ever said.

-o-

So Sokka approached Kuei the same way he did with the younger kids. Whenever Aang was upset about something, or Toph was in a strop, Sokka had a particular was of sidling over to them. A sort of _big brother's about to give you some advice_ walk. Hands in pockets, shoulders back.

It was just odd to see him direct that walk towards King Kuei.

I never thought about Kings needing older brotherly advice before. Kuei's nearly ten years older than us. But he always seemed..I don't know..._younger. _He'd never even been outside the Palace wall until we showed him. He hadn't even known there was _a war on_ until we told him either.

He'd travelled with us for a little while after Ba Sing Se fell. He'd been so mystified by everything. He didn't know how to do any of the practical duties around the camp. The man was 25 years old and had never boiled rice before!I knew he couldn't help it, with being so coddled his whole life, and I ended up being a bit clucky and motherly. (Typical thing for me to do, really).

Kuei had gravitated to Sokka out of all of us, during those days. He was nervous around the warriors and Toph, he didn't know what to say to me or my Dad, but he would pour over maps with Sokka for ages. He seemed glad to see Sokka now.

Sokka asked if he could sit next to Kuei and Kuei scooted over to make room for him. He sat down and didn't say anything for a moment. After a while, Sokka cleared his throat and started making apologies. _Listen Your Highness, Aang and Katara didn't mean to offend you. I know they sounded like jerks, but they're just worried about you._

Sokka said that everyone had noticed how _miserable _Kuei had seemed the entire time we'd been in Ba Sing Se. Sokka confessed that yes, I had told them all about Song – but I hadn't done so to be malicious. Sokka said he knew _how it felt_…to lose the woman you love and how miserable it can make you. He had just wanted to help.

Kuei was astonished out of his grumpy sulk by this confession. He evidently didn't think that anyone **had ever felt the same way. **_What happened?_ He asked curiously. Sokka shrugged and said _My first girlfriend turned into the moon spirit. _Kuei didn't seem to know what to say to that. There's not much you _can say _really. There was an awkward silence. After a moment Kuei asked _what was her name? _Sokka took a breath and then said _Yue, her name was Yue. _

The name obviously rang a bell for Kuei, he asked if Sokka meant Chief Arnook's daughter? Sokka nodded. _She's the one who sacrificed herself for everyone – isn't she? _Kuei had evidently been told the bare bones of the story at some point. Sokka nodded again. He was quiet while he took a moment to collect himself. _Look anyway, my point was that after she was...gone, all I wanted in the world was to just __**talk **__to her again. _Sokka thought that maybe talking to Song would help Kuei.

_What happens if I go after her – and she doesn't want to talk to me? _Kuei asked in an uncertain voice. He said that Yue didn't have a choice in her situation, but he had** chosen to leave **Song. He thought she wouldn't want to see him again.

Sokka pointed out that Kuei would never know, unless he gave it a try. Even if her answer was no – at least Kuei would **know** for certain. He'd have an answer. Kuei seemed somewhat swayed by that.

Kuei wanted to know what Sokka thought _this whole thing_ would accomplish anyway. The Avatar had blathered on about how it would make Kuei a better leader. Kuei couldn't see how Song could help make him a better leader. Sokka shrugged and said that everyone needed someone to lean on. Even Kings.

Kuei confessed that he didn't think it was possible for Song to make him a better king. He knew he **wasn't a good king.** He had tried to be a leader_ once_ and his whole city had fallen to the Firenation _in a matter of days_. That wasn't a very good track record, all things considered. It seemed that Kuei felt a bit inadequate around the other leaders, because he felt like they were all braver, smarter and more adept at being in charge. How could Kuei compare with that?

Sokka said that lots of people felt like that. Everyone feels a little inadequate, from time to time. He confessed that he used to feel like he didn't really belong in our group. Compared to Kyoshi warriors and princes and avatars and master benders who could do incredible things – Sokka was incredibly _normal. _He felt like there was nothing _special _about him.

_What did you do? _Kuei asked, all curiosity.

Sokka said that he had realised that even though he wasn't an amazing bender, he had skills and strengths that the rest of us didn't. He was great and science, engineering and building. He was the best at keeping our schedule and keeping everyone on track. He was great at strategies and seeing the bigger picture. He turned to Kuei and said _Everyone has their own strengths – maybe you just need to concentrate on yours? Your inquisitiveness, your desire for fairness._

Kuei nodded along and said _So your saying that if I concentrate on my strengths, and believe in myself, I'll be a better leader? _

Sokka tilted his head and thought for a second and then said _Partly. Believing in yourself is great – but I think you've got to do more than believe. You've got to __**do something. **__You need to st__art standing up for yourself and what you think is right and what matters to you. _

Kuei absorbed that and then said _You're right Sokka. I have been letting everyone else run my kingdom and my life for me for far to long!_ He stood up abruptly and then declared_ I am going to do something._

-o-

We sent for June, but Mai arrived instead. She had explained the terms and June's fee to Kuei, and he'd rushed off. Aang, who is stupidly fond of Mai, bounced over to her to give her a hug. As did Ty Lee. Mai stood stiffly in their combined embrace and looked beseeching at the ceiling and drawled _You know we don't have to do __**the hug thing**__ every time you see me. _

Ty Lee disagreed, soon Mai would be off being a fabulous bounty hunter and she'd hardly get a chance to see her. She was getting in all the hugs she could now. Aang asked her how she was finding being a bounty hunter now? Did she like it? Mai said she liked it for the most part. June was fun to work for. Aside from being sent on boring errands, it was great.

Zuko said he hoped June wasn't sending Mai on all the dogsbody errands on her own. Mai shrugged and said _She only sends me on my own when she is__** indisposed. **_Zuko asked if indisposed meant sick with a hangover? Mai flashed a slight smirk and said _actually it means that she is playing hide-the-salami with her gentleman friend. _

Aang, who loves all games, was most intrigued and asked innocently _what's hide-the-salami? Is it a game? _Mai , who doesn't have the widest knowledge of modern slang, especially when it pertains to sex, asked if he could play it too. He loved games. _You can play it when you're older_ was Mai's deadpan response. The completely flat way she said that really tickled my funny bone. I tried to stifle a chortle, but it came out my nose instead.

Ty Lee quickly changed the subject and went on about how it was so _weird_ for her and Mai to be back here. Last time they were in this room, they were both pretending to be Kyoshi Warriors, and now she _was_ a Kyoshi warrior. Wasn't that _weird? _Mai nodded and said that the last time she was in this room, she was bored and had been left waiting around for a Royal-pain-in-the-arse. The more things change the more they stay the same.

Toph (who always feels compelled to disagree with Mai) sassed that the last time they had all been in this room together, they'd been on opposite sides of a war and she'd thought Ty Lee was the most intimidating person in the world. So obviously things had **changed **a fair bit.

_Why did you think __**I **__was the most intimidating?_Ty Lee asked sounding most surprised. I was a bit surprised too. I thought that in any group that included Azula , the title of _most intimidating member_ would have been **well and truly sorted. **

Toph shrugged and said _well you could block my bending, and that's how I see... and even without doing that, I could never tell where you were because you kept jumping around. And then you'd vanish and appear on top of a statue and I'd have no idea how you got there. _Ty Lee said gently that she had just jumped and there was nothing too intimidating about that. She sounded like felt guilty. She was trying to comfort Toph. She even wanted them to "hug it out". Toph gave her a shove and declared that she wasn't intimidated** now.**

Aang had been looking at the statues next to the throne, deep in thought. He turned back and looked at Ty Lee with wide eyes, like he had never seen her properly before. _How did you even jump on the statue?_ he interjected, sounding amazed. Ty Lee, oblivious to Aang's astonishment, just held her arms out and said _easy – I did it like this._ With her usual cat-like grace, she jumped and sailed through the air to land on the top of the statue.

A statue which was enormous. There was **no way **a normal person could jump that high from a standing start. The only person who I had ever seen been able to do something like that was Aang, and that was only because he was _an airbender. _

-o-

Oh my goodness!

-o-

King Kuei came bustling back in right at that moment, with a the gold for Mai. He looked quite eager when he said _Come my good lady, onwards to adventure!_ Mai restrained her eye roll, and instead said that they should go onwards to the Royal Menagerie so that she could choose her Giant Eel Hound. Kuei gestured with his arm and said _Well onwards to the menagerie!_

_The Menagerie! Can I come – I love animals! _Ty Lee declared as she jumped down from her statue at that point and landed gracefully next to Kuei, (giving him a terrible fright). Mai said that of course she could come, and the three of them wandered off.

Aang stood gaping after them.

-o-

_Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? _Aang wheeled around to face us, his eyes were alight with excitement. Sokka said that he doubted it. Sokka was thinking about how much he wanted a **big meaty dumpling. **Aang said no, he wasn't thinking that.

He was thinking that Ty Lee was an Airbender. Monk Gyasto had said there was a untrained airbender here, and he'd wasted all this time. The answer had been**right in front** of Aang's face the whole time.

He listed all the things that had brought about this revelation. That jump she just did was the top reason. That statue was at least three stories high. None of us could make a jump like that (he got no argument on this score. We all looked at the statue again with various degrees of consternation. I know I certainly couldn't make a jump like that). Ty Lee loved dancing, and animals and fun – just like the airnomads did. She was so wise – just like the airnomads were. (Toph gigglesnorted when Aang called Ty Lee wise).

He was doing that pacing thing he does when he feels frustrated with himself. He probably felt frustrated for not noticing this sooner. I rushed over and grabbed his shoulder to stop the endless pacing. I said many encouraging things. This is great news. This is amazing etc. Aang agreed and wanted to rush off to tell her. He was all a flutter with delight and hope.

Zuko cleared his throat and said he didn't want to be a_party pooper_, but this wasn't something that Aang should just rush over and tell Ty Lee. _Why not?_ Aang asked, already halfway out the door. Zuko explained that it was **really big news.** Aang should tell her when she had _something to sit on_ at least, not when she was surrounded by monkeys and eel hounds and who knows what else. Also... she might not **be as happy** about it as he was.

_Why wouldn't she be happy? This is great news!_ Aang said, but his enthusiasm was somewhat dampened.

Zuko stood awkwardly for a second. He was looking for a **nice **way of saying whatever he had to say. He eventually settled on _Look being an airbender isn't considered a __**good **__thing in the firenation. You know what I'm saying?_

Aang didn't quite know what he was getting at. Zuko had to explain all about history being written by the winners... He knew **now** that everything he'd been taught in school **wasn't true...** and obviously he was going to_ do something_ about educational reform. He'd put it on the **top **of his list...**near the top** of his list... and obviously they would have to do some re-education in the firenation, so that everybody knew _the Airnomads didn't._..._you know._.. and Zuko really didn't want Aang to get offended...but...

This rambling preamble was meant to soften the inevitable blow of Zuko explaining the various propaganda that had been spread about the airnomads in the firenation (none of which was very flattering for the airnomads).

It didn't work. Aang was still offended. Understandable so.

My goodness, you can slap anything on a propaganda poster and call it truth!

Aang now saw why Ty Lee might not be thrilled with this news. He did agree that Ty Lee should be told _delicately. _Zuko suggested that Aang told her_ privately,_ maybe over_ some calming tea. _(If Iroh were here he would just **burst with pride**.)

Sokka suggested that we continue this conversation over dumplings (meaty or otherwise).

_-0-_

So the six of us went and got some dumplings. It was actually really awesome to spend time just the six of us. There was lots of good natured teasing and jokes. It felt almost like we were back on Ember Island again. There's such a little family feeling when it is just the six of us that I really love. I didn't know how much I had missed it until now.

Suki wanted us to be absolutely sure about the Airbender thing before we told Ty Lee. Liking animals and dancing didn't really prove much. And while leaping onto that statue was impressive – could it be that it was a firenation thing, not an airbender thing. Zuko got a bit indignant. He asked why she would think it was a firenation thing? Suki shrugged at said she just wanted to explore all possibilities before we all **jumped **to conclusions. She pointed out her clever pun here. _Jumped – geddit_? Before continuing. _Maybe you guys did like jumping really crazy heights in school. I mean I know there was knife throwing in kindergarten. __How does that even work? Do the teachers go_ _**Oh hey kids, here's a bunch of sharp knives – go play?**_

My thoughts exactly Suki.

Conversation got sidetracked. There was much talk about the wisdom of giving _very sharp pointy things _to children. Zuko pointed out that you didn't get knives in kindergarten, you got them in second form. I don't know what this was meant to prove, because second form is still_ really young._ There was some minor bickering. Sokka and Zuko were very pro-pointy things for children. Suki and I were very anti-pointy things...at least until a child can prove that they are not _an idiot. _

According to the boys, pointy things help kids grow up. Apparently pointy things (esp knives and swords) help boys feel like _manly men! _Zuko was of the opinion that if someone had put a sword in Kuei's hand when he was a boy, he'd be much better at all this _king stuff _now. There was a small rant from Suki about how swords could be for girls too – not just boys and kings. Team sword agreed (because both of them knew better than to get into **that** conversation).

There was more talk about swords and how they really had to spar again – because they missed whacking each other with pointy things on a regular basis. Toph teased them about their man crush on each other. They teased Toph about her lacy monstrosity of a dress. Toph threatened them both with bodily harm and/or dressing them in the lace beast.

Aang told her she looked** really pretty **in her lacy dress and didn't need to be so mad at everyone. They were just jealous because they didn't look pretty. _Yes Aang, I spend all my nights dreaming of the day I'll be pretty too._ Zuko said really sarcastically. Aang, bless his heart, missed the sarcasm completely. He suggested kindly _Don't worry Zuko, it'll happen. You probably just have to do something with your hair. _Toph laughed to the point where she fell off her chair.

All in all – it was a most pleasant way to pass a morning.

-o-

We all had so much fun that we lost track of time. We all ended up late for the fancy luncheon. (Well it was _a second lunch_ for Sokka, because he had already partaken of many meaty dumplings.) Toph was still in her lace gown, but the rest of us looked decidedly _casual_ for such a formal occasion.

Aang had told us that it was meant to be an informal celebration of the circular nature of life, but there was nothing informal about this gathering. However, it was organised by the Dowager, so that is to be expected. This luncheon was meant to be part of Aang's birthday celebration. The only thing that remained from the original Airnomad celebration was the abundance of delicious tarts. The circular nature of life was displayed through tarts. Everything was served in tart form.

We didn't get to sit together, but had to follow the "seating" plan - everyone with their own national groups. Except for Aang, who got to be on the "table of honour" with all the big wigs in Ba Sing Se.

Boo.

-o-

The Water tribes made it through the lunch! Ten pie/tart/quiche courses without anyone throwing a tart in anyone else's face.

Yay!

Dignity has been maintained.

I also overheard an interesting development. Arnook, who was sitting next to my Dad, put out a few carefully worded questions about how Dad would feel if the succession in the North went through a brief period of_instability _later in the year_._ He quietly asked if Dad would be bothered if Han were suddenly no longer heir to the Chiefdom. Dad most definitely would not be bothered. Dad has **views** on Han after all.

Dad asked plainly (he didn't do the carefully worded question thing) why Arnook had chosen Han in the first place. It was the usual story. Han was the son of Arnook's oldest friend. The marriage had been arranged between Han and Yue when they were only kids. Then Old Mate had died and Arnook had wanted to honour his friend's wishes. But Han's behaviour in the peace conference had convinced Arnook that he was _unsuitable_ for the position of chieftain.

Arnook swore my Dad to secrecy on everything. Arnook wasn't going to do anything until after the peace conference and after the days of Darkness anyway. (It is apparently**dreadful** to be cooped up with Han when he's had **a disappointment.**)

Dad agreed and said that, for what it was worth, he thought it was a good decision for Arnook. A tribe needed a leader who was clear-sighted, not clouded with self-importance. Arnook nodded. He confessed that he should have done this _years _ago. Yue used to tell him that she didn't feel that Han was quite right for her.

Arnook had ignored it at the time because he thought it was just _nerves_ and _cold feet_ talking. He thought she'd settle into marriage in time. He didn't even think that Yue might have been looking at the bigger picture. He didn't consider that she had been trying to tell him, the gentlest way she knew how, that Han was not fit to be chief. _As usual, my lovely daughter was right..._Arnook trailed off sadly.

Arnook straightened, and then said in a stronger tone that, in his mind, the whole point of arranging a marriage is that you get to chose **your son-in-law**..._And I chose a buffoon _he concluded. Dad seemed to want to try and cheer him up. He told Arnook not to worry, many men deal with buffoon son-in-laws on a daily basis.

Arnook said it would d be my Dad's turn next and nodded in my direction. Dad said _oh I don't know about that. _Dad said, that in his mind, the best thing about **not **arranging marriages for your daughter was that you could rest assured that whoever ended up as your son-in-law was someone your daughter loved. _I can't ever see my daughter loving a buffoon. She'll choose well, I'm sure. _

Aw.

Sometimes I really love my dad.

-o-

After lunch there was some mingling was allowed. Kuei and Aang moseyed on over to Sokka and I from the big-wigs table. Kuei had arranged for Mai and June to come and pick him up when the dancing started. No one would notice if he slipped out during the dancing. Aang had said that Sokka always came up with the best distractions. He had volunteered Sokka for the job of distraction producing, if Kuei also wanted a distraction to speed him on his way.

While they were distracted, I crept away. I had seen Zuko across the room and we'd had a small conversation in gestures. Our gesture conversation pretty much consisted of _do you want to sneak out of this shindig and... stew some seaprunes?_

_-o-_

We had a bit of a canoodle (behind some ferns, for extra privacy). It took us ages to find the perfect secret canoodle place. This one was round the topiary hedges and in a little nook near the retaining wall. It was a great canoodle because Zuko tasted a little like a raspberry swirl tart (which was the last course before mingling time).

Mmmmhhhhh. Raspberry flavoured Zuko.

He was a little tipsy. Zuko, Jee, and Uncle had partaken of much brandy together. Zuko is extra affectionate when he's a little drunk. He is also prone to wanting to have deep philosophical conversations about life, the universe and everything. He's like **a giant, soppy, cuddle-monster with too many limbs and thoughts.**

I find this somewhat adorable.

He got handsy and I got handsy. But then mid-grope, he'd have a **profound thought **that he just had to share with me. (eg._ Aang's right! Life is like a raspberry tart. It's mostly nice, but it had a few lumpy sour bits and __**it goes in a circle**__...you know what I mean?)_ I would offer a profound thought of my own (_yeah, but I think life is like the mixed vegetable tart. A whole bunch of random ingredients thrown together to make something delicious._)

It is possible that I was a bit tipsy too.

After we'd exchanged profound thoughts, the kissing would resume. Then he started kissing my neck and _my goodness_ it felt good. I shuddered the good shudder – the sort of shudder where all the tension leaves your body. Things got a bit more_intense _after that. I may have slid my hand downwards and reached for _something. _

I could feel _it _pressing against me. (Zuko was obviously enjoying the proceedings as much as I was). Then I got to thinking that I still hadn't touched _it_ yet. Maybe it was the brandy they served with all the desserts. I don't know. But suddenly, touching_ it_ seemed like a** really great idea**. So I slid my hand down his pants. Thing were about to get** really interesting. **But then my eager hand stilled at the sound of a voice saying _You know you want it. _

We both instantly froze. We'd both heard the voice – but we were both trying to ignore it. Maybe if we ingored it – it would go away. _You want this so bad. _The voice said again, then added admonishingly. _You naughty girl, you can't have it yet. _We were near the retaining ledge of the garden. The voice sounded like it was coming from the street just below the ledge...the voice coming from below us didn't make this any less weird.

Zuko ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. The sexy moment between us had been killed stone dead. Nothing kills a moment faster than** that voice.**

No one can have a canoodle while listening to Jet trying to teach an giant eel hound to fetch.

-o-

We looked over the retaining wall. Mai and Jet were in the alley below us. Mai was leaning against the wall and occasionally reaching forward and patting the flank of a large and regal looking eel hound. Jet was standing in front of the eel hound, waggling a stick in the creature's face. _You know you want this stick. Yeah, you want it __**so bad. **__Here smell it...now go get it! _

He threw it down the alley. The Eel hound did not fetch. It tilted its head, gave Jet a perplexed look and inched closer to Mai. Jet was undeterred. He pointed at the stick further down the alley and said

_fetch! _

_Fetch!_

_Fetch girl!_

_Fetch - you naughty girl!_

_Okay, I'll fetch. _

Jet walked down the street and picked up the stick, so that the process could begin again. I know that eel hounds don't have the most expressive faces, but I swear this eel hound looked at Mai with an expression that said "Can you _believe _this pratface? He expects _me_ to fetch."

Mai gave the Eel Hound's nose a rub and then called over her shoulder _will you quit with the fetch already Jet! Elsa's __**never going to fetch**__ for you. _Jet swaggered over to Mai and leaned on the wall next to her in a very flirty pose. He winked at her and said that he thought she would..eventually. He could _always get girls to do whatever he wanted,_ after all.

Zuko made a disgusted little noise at that. Both Mai and Jet turned up to look at us.

Oops – we were sprung.

-o-

Mai and Jet came up the back stairs to join us. Elsa, the eel hound, was following Mai obediently. Mai looked between the two of us and asked what we were doing here. Weren't we meant to be in the fancy-pants luncheon? We gave lame excuses simultaneously (_it got boring/we just came out to get some air_). Zuko was struggling a bit in the excuses department, and it was obvious that he had partaken of a sufficient amount of dessert brandy.

Mai raised an eyebrow, and then narrowed her eyes at Zuko and asked _are you drunk? _Zuko said _no?_ But he said it like it was a question. Mai crossed her arms and frowned at him until he confessed,_ alright -yes. I'm a bit drunk. _At that point, I abruptly asked what Mai was doing here – to change the conversation. Nice save.

Mai said she was waiting for June's signal. There was meant to be a distraction of some kind. Zuko said that was fair enough, but it didn't explain what _he_ was doing here, and he pointed rather disdainfully at Jet. Mai said that Jet couldn't be left alone without _adult supervision _and babysitting him was now her lamentable task_._

Jet had apparently _really annoyed _some gang leader in the 27th. His safety was in real jeopardy in the lower ring. Zuko nodded, and commented that he was unsurprised that Jet had annoyed someone to the point where they wanted to kill him. Jet took exception to that. He snapped _Oi bitch! I'm fabulous. It's not my fault that people get annoyed with how fabulous I am! _at Zuko.

_Jet, could you shut up. I can't deal with your shit right now._ Zuko replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. Jet was more offended that usual. _(fuck offs_ and_ shut ups_ between Zuko and Jet are pretty commonplace after all). Jet said he thought that they were going to be civil to each other.

Zuko said they'd have to be civil _later. _He couldn't be civil to Jet _now. _Jet got stroppy and asked why not._ Being civil to you for five minutes?! I need to be __**not drunk **__for that...or at __**lot more drunk**__! Either way I am __**notthe right amount of drunk**__ for dealing with you. _Zuko concluded that was why Jet needed to fuck off.

Zuko was actually a bit drunker than I originally thought. I can tell this because he got extra sassy. When Jet responded by getting all up in Zuko's personal space and saying Zuko would have to **make him** fuck off – Zuko tilted his head, looked at Jet quizzically and then observed cheerily _you're just __**dying to kiss me**__ right now – aren't you?_

He would have **never said that** if he was sober. Zuko **never **normally references Jet's crush on him. He avoids talking about it at all costs. He gets super embarrassed when people (usually Toph) tease him about it. It's like he thinks that if he just_ ignores it_ and _never mentions it _– it will _magically go away._ For him to start**taunting Jet to his face **was a big aberration in his usual "just ignore it" policy.

Jet looked mortified and took a big step back. He did his usual denial (_You're tripping on cactus juice. I don't fancy you at all you ugly pratface._) Zuko gave a nonplussed shrug and said _whatever you say_ in a disbelieving fashion. This disbelief pushed Jet over the edge. He blushed the reddest shade of mortification and then mumbled _that's it – you're going down._

The inevitable fisticuffs between Zuko and Jet ensued. Mai and I worked together to extricate them. Mai pinned Jet to the garden wall with her knives. I bent the water out of the hedges and froze Zuko to the branches. He used his bending to melt the ice in a flash, saying _You've got to let me kick his arse Katara. I know I said I'd be polite but __**I just can't. **__He's just__** too annoying.**__ He's __**the most annoying man in the entire world. **_

_You are a close second! _Jet fired back from the wall. Mai cleared her throat loudly to get his attention. She asked, in her usual calm tone, if Jet knew why he had been pinned to the naughty wall. Jet protested against the unfairness of the naughty wall. He felt that he had not committed a _naughty wall worthy transgression._ Besides Zuko started it.

Mai crossed her arms, and for the briefest moment she looked like the very image of the frustrated mother. She snapped that she_ didn't care _who had started it. Jet could put on his_ big boy pants, spank his inner moppet _and _build a bridge and get over it._ Jet had **promised **Mai and June that he would cut this sort of shit out and be civil. She sounded genuinely cross when she said this.

Jet looked a touch contrite for a second, in the face of her disappointment, but he still fired back defensively _Yeah, well, I __**tried **__didn't I? I was going to be civil to him – but he ruined it by being a strumpetty pratface._

Mai stared at Jet and said tersely _We've been through this Jet. You know what you need to say. Use your words. _Jet got indignant and declared _I'm __**not apologising **__to him now! Look at him over there, with his__** perfect abs**__ – feeling all smug about __**how he ruined my life. **_

Mai and I both glanced at the abs in question (How can you **not** when they get pointed out like that?) while Zuko took umbrage and shouted _**How**__did I even ruin your life – you ruined mine __**more! **_Jet shouted back that he couldn't ruin Zuko's life if he tried, because Zuko already had the perfect life. _Yo__ur life must be so fucking fabulous and easy!_ He yelled bitterly. Zuko got a bit flabbergasted that Jet thought his life was easy.

Jet sassed _Well I can't see what would be __**so hard**__ about being ridiculously handsome and all powerful. _Jet then put on a grumpy face and said in a voice that was meant to mimic Zuko's _"Oh no – another day being stupidly sexy and prancing about telling everyone what to do, __**how terrible**__!"_

Okay - It will never **not be weird** for me to see Jet mimic Zuko.

Zuko was very irate. He snapped that Jet was a fucking idiot. He declared _My life sucks more than I can possibly say! _He listed all the things that were making his life suck of late. The constant thinly-veiled barrage of hatred from nearly everyone (almost all the world, half the firenation, Jet). The incredible pressure (that was always accompanied by the stifling fear of fucking up). How exhausting it was to try and make peace while dealing with constant hostility – but having to do it anyway because the fate of the whole world depended on it.

In short, everyday was a pride-swallowing, spirit-crushing, infuriating siege of difficulty. Sometimes it was more than Zuko could handle – but he never got a break from it. He had to get up and** be the firelord **everyday for the rest of his life, which might not even be that long considering how many people wanted to assassinate him back home. There was **nothing easy** about it.

Jet looked completely taken aback. He gaped like a fish for a moment or two, and seemed completely unsure what to say. I felt the same confusion. I mean, Zuko and I have been _stewing seaprunes_ in secret for a while now, and I often think I know him_ so well, _but there are some things I don't know about him at all. He can still be a very closed book. All these doubts and feelings, which had poured out of him in a drunken tirade, had been so tightly locked up. I'd gotten an inkling here and there, but I'd never realised the extent.

Jet seemed to regain the powers of speech. He said _I'm not feeling sorry for you, if that's what you want. Everyone's got problems...and you know, my life isn't exactly a joy-filled frolic in the meadows either. _There was something it the way he said that. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself. It almost sounded like he did feel a bit sorry for Zuko. But, in typical Jet fashion, he had to turn it around and make everything about himself.

Zuko said that he didn't want Jet to feel sorry for him. Everyone's got problems – that was true. **Jet wasn't the only one with problems**. There was an odd sort of silence following that. Jet seemed stunned into silence. Zuko looked a little discomfited over his outburst. He evidently thought he'd said too much. He obviously wanted to skedaddle. He turned to Mai and said we should probably go back to the party and gestured over his shoulder. She nodded.

I was glad of this, because I wanted to take Zuko aside. I wanted us to find another little private place. We really needed to have a little talk about some of the things he just said. We turned to walk away. But we only got one step before Jet called out _Zuko wait. I've got something to say to you. _We stopped and turned around. I think this was against Zuko's better judgement as well as mine.

Jet, still pinned to the naughty wall, looked a bit embarrassed before he began rambling in an incomprehensible fashion. It went something like this: _So... like...there was that stuff I did... which obviously you know about... and we don't need to mention it again...and I know it seemed crazy...but then you know there was extenuating circumstances... and then there was that thing with the sausages...and maybe I got a little carried away and... you know..._

Suddenly it seemed like Jet got really frustrated. He stamped his foot and looked at the sky and then turned back to Zuko and said _fuck you – your social ineptitude is catching!_ That was it for Zuko's patience. He rolled his eyes very dramatically. He turned to me and made a little head nod to indicate that we should leave. Jet got frustrated again and said _just wait! I'm trying to __**apologise**__ to you – you impatient assface!_ We stopped again.

Jet was trying to apologise to Zuko? I have to admit, I was beyond curious.

No apology was immediately forthcoming. Jet looked askance at Mai and said something about how he couldn't apologise **properly** from "the naughty wall". He was still pinned in a rather ridiculous position. Mai smirked a little, but she relented and removed her daggers. Jet brushed down his clothing and tried his best to regain some semblance of dignity.

He gave Zuko**that face**. I recognise it well now. I shall call it**Jet's convincing face.** He uses it when he is trying to convince people to sleep with him or give him money. Zuko was well acquainted with the convincing face. He gave Jet the**Zuko grumpy face** in response.

Jet continued, undeterred, and said _What I am trying to say is...I made a mistake. I make mistakes about people. I thought all firebenders were completely horrid, evil, vile, stinky, malicious, disgusting, cruel murdering, whore-mongering, raping-and-pillaging, scum-ridden sludge monkeys...but maybe you're not. _I thought that this would be the entirety of Jet's "apology". As apologies got, it was pretty mediocre – but there was at least an admission that a mistake had been made. However Jet was not finished. He, unwisely, saw the need to continue. _I mean you're still a poncy, self-righteous, egotistical, obtuse, sarcastic, snotty, slutty, smary, sneaky, stupid, strumpet-shagging bitchface with truly terrible hair...but you're really not an evil sludge monkey. _

Zuko looked infinitely confused. It was like he was running through the litany of what Jet said and trying to figure out if he had just been apologised to or if he had just been insulted terribly. Jet got a bit impatient and asked _well, what do you say?_

_I really don't know know how to react to that. _Zuko replied with baffled drunken honesty.

There was a sudden cacophony of shouting coming from the party. All discussion of mediocre apologies was halted (thank goodness). It sounded like a terrible ruckus. Jet and Mai turned to each other. They had been waiting in the alley for a distraction. This_ had_ to be it.

We raced back to the party.

-o-

The four of us (five including Elsa) got to the entranceway from pie-fest into the palace gardens just in time to see the fracas unfold. Kuei and the Dowager kept up a steady percussion of hissing in an undertone at each other. This provided the tempo for the two other arguments raging. Toph was bearing down on an irate looking Star and Ty Lee was trying to chi block Aang and telling him to _shut up _tearfully. There were many red faces from too much brandy.

It was quite a scene.

Oh dear!

Jet looked at the ensuing fracas and turned to Mai and said _are all rich people parties like this? _with genuine interest. Mai shrugged and replied _If they were – I wouldn't have found them half as boring._

Just at that minute, Star whacked Toph on the head with her fan in an exceptionally patronising fashion and said_ Who do you think you are? _Toph gave that terrible faux chuckle she has (the one that always precedes violence of some description). Her short laugh died. She gave Star an almighty shove with her bending. Star sailed right past us (Jet went to try and either catch her or break her fall). Toph shouted _I'm Toph Fucking Bei Fong! _At Star's upturned feet before storming out. She **made her own door** through the side wall.

One of the Earth Kingdom fancy ladies loudly expostulated _Honestly, such violence and temper and discourtesy! Even if she bends earth - you can tell she's firenation. _This was too much for Poppy Bei Fong.

Toph's Mum is normally the very picture of elegance and grace. She is not prone to outbursts. But having everyone at the party assume Toph was firenation pushed her over the edge. She sounded slightly hysterical as she stamped her foot and declared, loud enough for all to hear, _she's __**not firenation**__, she's __**my **__darling daughter and she was __**born and raised in the earth kingdom!**_ At that Poppy sailed out of the hole in the wall after Toph.

Jet was trying to hold a dazed Star upright. He seemed a bit delighted that the_ incredibly rich_ and _ridiculously gullible _Star had fallen right into his arms. He did **Jet's convincing face** at her and asked if it had hurt. Star asked_ what? _In a groggy fashion. _Did it hurt when you fell from the spirit world? Because baby, you are __**the spirit of beauty **__reincarnated. _

Star seemed to come to herself and recognise Jet, because her response to that line was to shove him off her and say primly _unhand me you ruffian._ Mai actually snorted at that. She remarked _that's the only acceptable reaction to __**that line**__ really. _Zuko smirked at her in agreement. Their mirth quickly died as Ty Lee ran past us, sobbing her heart out.

-o-

Normally Aang is the quickest out of all of us, but he and Ty Lee had both been at the dessert brandy. Ty Lee has a much higher tolerance for dessert brandy than Aang. She had succeeded in chi blocking Aang for the first time ever. He was lying like a struggling starfish on the floor, while Iroh and Suki were trying to help him up. Pakku was trying to calm everybody down, while Sokka, Kuei and the Dowager had what looked like a very tense conversation behind him. Dad went over to help Sokka out, and for some reason Arnook saw fit to follow.

The three of us decided we should look for Toph and Ty Lee after their rather dramatic exit. Mai told Elsa it was her turn to_ babysit _Jet. There was only one word in that sentence the eel hound understood, because she promptly sat down...with Jet under her large tail. Jet flailed and swore and struggled and called Mai _wenchy_ a lot. He was carrying on a bit. Really, Elsa wasn't hurting him. But he would definitely have to stay put under her watchful eye.

-o-

I was the one who found Toph. There was a little earth tent, behind the lotus garden fountain. The sound of sniffling came inside. I leant against the earth tent and knocked on it. Toph could tell it was me. She lowered one side of her earth tent and let me come in, which is a very rare event. Her face was all splotchy and her lace dress was covered in muck.

She must have been really upset, because she let me cuddle her without fuss. I asked her what had happened, and eventually she told me (but it took a lot of cajoling). Toph said I had been right, back in the jail, when I said that she missed her parents. She got so homesick for them sometimes. She loved Zuko and Iroh – but the Bei Fongs were _her parents. _She'd actually really been looking forward to seeing her parents. She'd wanted so very much for the visit to go well. She'd hoped that they'd finally accept her.

Her Dad seemed to accept her with her bending. Well he'd made many comments about how _advantageous _Toph's incredibly bending could be for their family, which is pretty much the same thing. For the first little while, it had been great.

Then Toph's mum had wanted to spend mother/daughter time with her. Toph had readily agreed. Though she will **never admit it,** Toph is a bit of a mummy's girl, deep down. I was a mummy's girl too, so I know how it feels. Toph loves her mum and only wants to please her. Her Mum had seemed so interested in everything Toph had done. Toph had told her mother all about her adventures and her stories from the war. Nothing to scary or awful – just the stories that ended well. But her Mum had gotten all upset over how_ dangerous_ it was.

Toph had tried to assuage her mother – without much success. There was talk about _Toph's future,_ and _Toph's behaviour_ and_ keeping Toph safe._ Toph had only wanted to make her mother happy. She certainly didn't want to upset her mum after she'd been so sick. So Toph'd played along, thinking she could get through one night of fancy manners for her mum. She pretended as best she could. But pretending was **so hard** now. It made her sad.

It had gotten so bad at the earth kingdom table for lunch. The fancy ladies were on their own table. Her mum was next to Star. She was so impressed by Star's accomplishments and Star's manners – Toph could see, suddenly, that Star was _exactly the sort of girl_ that Poppy Bei Fong wanted Toph to be. Star was **such a ninny **– Toph never wanted to be like her. She decided she couldn't pretend, just for her mother's sake, any more...

Ah – I could see easily how the fracas occurred. Toph would have been sad and mad already. She would have felt jealous of Star for being able to please Poppy Bei Fong in a way that Toph couldn't. Star would have said something stupid and vapid – and Toph would have responded bluntly. It would have turned into an argument...and that argument would have gotten bitter.

_You want to know the worst thing?_ She asked. I nodded. _I love my mum. I love her so much. And I know she loves me. But even though we love each other, it never works out. She'll never understand who I am. She __**doesn't even know **__who I am...and when I'm with her,__** I don't know who I am **__either. _

I cuddled her closer and said that I knew who she was. Toph turned her head and said_ oh_ curiously. _You're Toph Fucking Bei Fong_ I said, repeating her words back to her. Toph was startled out of her slump by the sound of me cussing. I very rarely swear out loud, so hearing me say the f-word really amused Toph. I ruffled her hair and continued. I told her that _Toph Bei Fong is a force of nature, a fearsome opponent and a fantastic friend to have. She should be very proud of who she is. _Toph smiled a little smile to herself and agreed I was right.

_-o-_

Ha – carve that one on marble! Toph said _I was right_ **two times in one day!** Surely this will never occur again.

-o-

Toph and I wandered back towards the party. On the way, we came across the most astonishing scene. Mai and Poppy Bei Fong were having what almost seemed to be a pleasant conversation. Toph quickly pulled me down behind the hedgerow, so we could listen in. (I would never judge Toph for this).

From their conversation, it became obvious that they had just bumped into each other while looking for their respective people. Poppy was looking for Toph and Mai was looking for Ty Lee. Poppy has really poor eyesight. Mai had politely offered to keep her eyes peeled for little earth tents that could contain wayward daughters. Poppy had evidently thought that Mai was offering to help her look, and had stuck by her side.

Poppy had asked Mai several question and received only deadpan answers. What the firenation was really like?_ Hot_. What was it like, growing up as a fine lady there? _Boring._ Did they teach many accomplishments. _Hundreds. _Did bending count as an accomplishment in the firenation? _It's considered the only accomplishment worth having. _Poppy made a dismayed little noise and sat down.

Mai rolled her eyes, evidently impatient, but she didn't leave Poppy. She made a quick assumption over what had upset Poppy. She folded her arms and said _I'm not a firebender ma'am, so you have no reason to fear me. _Poppy shook her head and said it wasn't that. Mai asked _what is it then?_

_Toph and I, we've just had a few arguments over her bending. I don't consider it an accomplishment. _Mai seemed rather taken aback by this. This attitude was a surprise for someone who grew up in the firenation, where bending and benders are supremely important. She asked _why don't you consider in an accomplishment? _

_Oh, it's so crude. So unrefined. So violent. So dangerous. _Mai tilted her head and looked at Poppy severely, then said that Toph was actually _really good _at earthbending. Poppy waved her off and said _my dear, if you are going to tell me how brilliant and talented she is, you are wasting your breath. The firelord has already told me all that. _

A flicker of crossness flashed over Mai's face. _No, I wasn't going to say that, actually. Your daughter maybe talented, but she's __**a brat. **__She is, in fact, t__**he most**__ obstinate, rude, unsanitary, spoiled girl I have __**ever met in my life.**_

Poppy was very affronted. She stood up. Even though she was only half Mai's height, she did not back down. She said_Excuse me young lady!__That is __**my daughter **__you are talking about._ Mai loomed over Poppy and said that yes, Toph was **her daughter.**

If Mai guess correctly, Poppy gave Toph everything she ever wanted when she was growing up – if only to keep her quiet. Toph was **very used to getting her own way. **Now Toph was growing into her own person. (She used a weird phrase to illustrate this. _You can't close the seed once the tree has begun to grow_). Mai calmly explained that Poppy would have an impossible job ahead of her if she tried to ram Toph into a lady-like mold at this stage. All that Poppy would do was make Toph resent her heartily.

Poppy took a big step back and seemed very insulted. She said that Mai was a very rude young woman (you are obviously firenation). There was no way Mai could possibly understand what went on between Toph and Poppy. Mai, still in her bored, calm tone, said she had a very good idea. Poppy was treating Toph **just like** her mother treated her. _If you keep this up, Toph will do what I did. She'll run away with the first person who shows her a glimmer of freedom and acceptance - just to get away from you. _Her calm flat tone was completely at odds with her emotive words.

Was that what happened with her and Azula? Was she **that desperate** to get away from her parents?

Poppy was completely stopped in her tracks by this. She gaped in shock. What Mai said was essentially right. Toph had run away with us, Aang, Sokka, and I, after knowing us less than a day. We were the first people to show her a glimmer of freedom and acceptance. She didn't have to live a double life with us. And that wasn't even the first time she had run away either – just the first time she succeeded.

Poppy sat down again and put her head in her hands. Mai looked a bit guilty. There's a delicate sort of fragility to Poppy that stops people from getting too cross at her. _Lady Bei Fong, if you want my advice, the best thing for you to do, when you next see Toph...tell your daughter that you love her as she is. That's all she wants to hear. _

Poppy recovered somewhat, and stood up again. She declared that she didn't need Mai's advice or her help finding Toph. She sounded quite upset actually – like Mai's words really bothered her. She turned and strode out of the garden, with her long dress trailing behind her.

-o-

Toph made a muffled noise of dismay at their conversation. Through the hedge I could see Mai's eyes narrow at the sound. She glanced our way and then flipped over the hedge. She landed in front of us, with her knives out. And then completely rolled her eyes in an exasperated fashion when she saw it was us. _Eavesdropping again you two?_ She commented dryly, before she sheathed her knives and walked away. Mai doesn't have much time for us...but I guess this is understandable. Neither Toph or I have been..._especially nice_ to Mai, after all.

Toph got up and chased after her. _Wait, Mai why did you say all that stuff to my mum?_ She asked quickly. Mai blushed – she evidentially hadn't wanted us to overhear that conversation. But she shrugged in her regular nonchalant fashion and just said _Maybe I also know how it feels to have to pretend for your mother. _

_I didn't know you felt that way _Toph said. She is so used to thinking she knows everything about everyone through her bending.

_I'm sure you didn't. How could you - when you thought I had __**no feelings**__ whatsoever. _Mai said icily and then continued walking. Toph protested that she didn't _think that._ Suddenly she stopped in her tracks with a sharp realisation. Toph may not have thought that...but she certainly**acted **like it. She had treated Mai like she thought Mai had no feelings.

So had I, come to think of it.

In that brief period when Zuko and Mai were back together, I had made no secret of my dislike. I had only concentrated on my own feelings, my own jealousy. I'd never thought about Mai having feelings at all. I felt hot shame creep along my belly when I remembered all the things I had said about her.

Mai stopped in her tracks along with us. Then she turned and faced the both us. She looked at both of us in her usual detached manner, before she said softly _Don't make the mistake of thinking someone who doesn't show their feelings doesn't have any. _She said that directly to both of us, then turned and said _now, if you'll excuse me, I have a friend to look for. _She walked away without giving either of us a backwards glance.

_Wait – we'll help you. _I offered before she'd gone two steps. I felt like I had to do something to make it up to her.

-o-

I am beginning to think I am not as good a judge of character as I originally thought. I used to think I was very perceptive and I could tell a great deal about people even when I had only known them for a moment. Some people I decide to trust right away. Other times, I make a snap judgement and decide to dislike someone for whatever reason.

I always think I am completely justified in my various attitudes to people. But sometimes I am wrong. Take Jet and Mai for example. I have never been **more off the mark **than when it came to those two.

When I met Jet, I decided that he was _wonderful _within two minutes. I wouldn't hear a word against him. I took his side against Sokka. Sokka saw Jet more clearly than I ever could. I made a snap judgement and just saw the most perfect boy in existence.

Of course, now I know that he's a bit of a pratface...

Well that's not entirely fair either.

People are **always more than one thing. **

Jet's a pratface, but he's also a confused, sad, angry, messed-up boy with a lot of problems.

When I met Mai, I decided I disliked her. When she started trying to get back together with Zuko, I decided I_ hated_ her. I thought she was **the worst person in the world. **But she has so many good qualities that** I just missed.** She's smart, loyal, incredibly perceptive and very funny. I _never saw any of that,_ because _I didn't want to. _I had already made my mind up about her.

It's hard to admit that your were completely and utterly wrong about someone.

It's even harder to admit that I don't know people as well as I think I do.

Jet was like the first ice that forms between the bergs in autumn. That ice that looks steady. It looks like you can walk on it. But really... it's thin and brittle and unstable. You have to wait and give it time. You have to test it before you trust it. Mai, on the other hand, was like an iceberg. There was so much more to her, but it was hidden under the little bit she allows to come to the surface. But like an idiot, I just saw the surface and didn't think there was anything more to her.

Gran Gran could have told me all this. She always used to say:

_Scratch below the surface to see how strong it really is, Katara. Not thinking about what's under the surface, not looking closely at the waterline - that is how canoes and people get so damaged in the first place. _

_You've got to look closer. _

-o-

Notes:

Lovely wonderful readers, you have reached the end of _under the iceberg! _Thank you for reading and I hoped you enjoyed it. A million thank yous to all my wonderful reviewers – you know I love you all! I can't even tell you how great reader feedback is. Often you guys have much better ideas than I do. In this chapter I used a suggestion from the lovely **Kimberly T, **who thought Jet would be super awkward if he ever tried to be "nice" to Zuko. I loved this idea so much more than what I had originally planned. So we got Jet's awkward non-apology in this chapter.

So long ago I promised that Katara would have a life lesson about her judgemental nature. I have nothing but love for Katara, but she can strap on her judgemental boots and make snap decisions about people at the drop of a hat. In canon, this brings her unstuck with Jet. In my story, she's been proven wrong about more than a couple of people, but none more so than Mai.

I love all the characters in ATLA (well, except for Ozai and I have reasons for that). I really dislike seeing hate directed at any character. However I think there is a** huge difference** between directing hate/bashing and offering constructive criticism and character analysis. I love the latter – evidently.

Jet and Mai are divisive characters within the fandom. People hate them or love them. I love them both. Yes, even Jet who I have done nothing but humiliated in this. He's a smary bastard, but he's so much fun.

Anyway, I can see the potential to be a better person in Jet. He is able to acknowledge fault and express a desire to atone in canon and I wish they let him act on that. I want him to pull himself together, and redeem himself for all his vigilante hijinks and make peace with his past and himself. All of that would have to be the subject of a different story. (Maybe one that details the adventures of Mai, Jet and June. The three sass-keteers. Anyone interested?)

Mai – gosh I love her, even though her character-arc is a bit snafued in canon. She deserved better than Maiko*...as does Zuko.

*I **just can't** with Maiko...I just don't get it. Like I can see how Kataang could happen (basically Katara would feel obliged to return Aang's feels because he's the avatar and has just saved the world, and she's a self-sacrificing soul who is used to discounting her own needs for the good of others. I think they would have been content-ish together. Not wildly happy, but not completely miserable. I don't _like_ it, but that is what I assume happened in the Korra timeline.)

Maiko...I just...I have **no fanwank **for that.

Mai (in my opinion and YMMV) was an exceptionally perceptive, loyal and intelligent girl who had decided to use apathy as a coping mechanism to deal with the shenanigans around her. I saw so much potential for her too (which later went tragically unfulfilled). I'm trying to let her best qualities shine. Her wit, her composure, her intelligence and her loyalty to the people she really cares for. (I think she does genuinely care for Zuko and Ty Lee. She is not very demonstrative, but she still cares).

So Mai uses apathy as a coping mechanism – but one of the characters who is very good at chipping away at her stony facade would be Jet. She has more genuine emotive responses to Jet (mostly because he is **so incredibly annoying**). I think that Mai would see Jet as so far beneath her that she would feel a bit more comfortable showing proper reactions around him, because what he thinks doesn't matter to her. Even if she says it with a straight face, she lets him know what she is thinking and how she is feeling and when she is annoyed. Even though she is frequently laughing at his expense, she is starting to be more open with her emotions around him. Jet is better at bringing Mai out of her shell because he likes to provoke her in a way that Zuko did not. Zuko mostly just wanted to please Mai (and if it pleased her to be an introvert, he very rarely pushed her to open up).

Jet, for his part, needs Mai's calm and no-nonsense attitude. He needs someone to help him _tone it all down_ and keep him in line. Mai gives him firm boundaries, rules and expectations. Realistic, reasonable boundaries have been completely absent in his life since his parents died. He likes annoying her and pushing at her boundaries – but I think he would secretly be happy that those boundaries were there. He didn't get those same boundaries from Smellerbee and Longshot, mostly because smellerbee and longshot loved him and always stopped short of being too harsh on him. Partly because they knew what he had been through and they loved him too much to want to be too harsh on him, and they also very much looked up to him as their leader. It's hard to enforce boundaries on someone who is meant to take care of you.

Jet ends up regretting a lot of his stupid deeds in canon. I got the feeling that Jet really wanted to do better, but he didn't really **know how. **I think Jet needed someone to stop him, until he could learn how to stop himself. Self-control doesn't come easily to Jet. Mai has it by the bucketload. So even though they loathe each other, I like the Mai/Jet relationship at this stage. They are both getting something they need out of this.

Jet gets a sense of stability and Mai gets to try being more emotionally expressive. I don't know if it would ever become romantic between them (though Jet will flirt with Mai just to annoy her/distract her). However, in my head canon, Jet and Mai can help each other grow as people..and I like growth.

Completely random note: I love _mean girls. _It tickles my funny bone. You guys can have no idea how hard is was for me to restrain myself from having Mai go all **Regina George **and say to Jet "Stop trying to make fetch happen Jet! It's never going to happen."

Anyway...

There is a big bit of growth for Katara here when she realises that she can be quite judgemental and has the tendencies to misjudge people and situations. I think this is a lesson she had to learn the hard way. This shame she feels about her treatment of Mai only works if she actually behaved in a shameful fashion. I know some of my lovely readers were disappointed with Katara's earlier harsh attitude to Mai, but I had been planning Katara to have this sort of lesson for a while, and Mai was the best character for her to form a completely erroneous negative view about.

Katara makes up her mind about people quickly. In canon, Aang, Jet, Haru, Aunt Wu are all people she decided were instantly trustworthy. She dismissed Bumi as a crazy nut. She totally took umbrage with Toph's attitude when Toph first joined the group, only seeing the situation from her own perspective and context and not trying to understand Toph's point of view.

I think learning to look closer at people and getting to know them better, before she trusts them or dismisses them would be great for her personal growth. Trying to check her baggage and look at people/situations objectively before she makes snap decisions is something that will be vital for her to learn, both as a person and an aspiring doctor.

So in this chapter, there was a lot about people having hidden depths and looking beyond the surface -the facade people put forward to the world. We got hints at hidden depths from other characters. There is a lot more to characters like Poppy Bei Fong and Arnook than Katara sees right now. There is more to them than they allow to show on the surface.

Katara also got a few surprises about people she thought she knew very well in this chapter – like Sokka and Zuko and even Toph.

Sokka was never just comic relief to me. There was always so much more going on with him. I kind of wanted to hint at that in this chapter. There's a lot of _wisdom_ tangled up with the mad ideas in Sokka's head. I always thought there was a reason (beyond plot convenience) that he was chosen out of all the Gaang to get the White Lotus tile.

I also really like the advice that it's not enough to just **believe **in yourself. Sometimes you have to get up and **do something** about that belief. I think it would be advice that was fitting for Sokka - when he was feeling like everyone else was a better warrior than him – he got off his butt and got himself a master. Anyway I thought this would be a good point to remind Katara that Sokka isn't just her dumb older brother. He has hidden depths too.

Toph acts so tough all the time, but every now and then we get a glimpse of a twelve year old girl who is a long way from home and misses her mother.

Random head canon of mine: I think that Poppy is one of those delicate flowers who need people to go gently with them. I think she's a bit sickly. She was prone to illness as a child. She had a bad infection from her foot binding and never fully regained her health. Toph's birth was also very complicated and as a result she can't have any more children. This is the best explanation I can come up with for why Toph is an only child. I feel like someone like Lao would do well to have a public heir. Perhaps it counts in Lao's favour – perhaps he loved Poppy enough to stay married to her and not take on any more wives/ try and have more children through a concubine.

The Bei Fongs obviously love each other a lot, but they don't understand each other or see eye-to-eye at the moment. There has been miscommunication for years – and that will take a while to clear up. Poppy **hasn't seen** Toph since she ran away. She is still clinging to the idea of Toph she had in her mind – the helpless little girl. This was a role **Toph played exceptionally well. **

Toph, for her part, knows she can act that role well (she did it for years after all). She also knows her mother is not in the best of health at the moment. To please her mother, she would have tried to go along with the helpless girl act...but it wouldn't have been that easy for her any more. She has changed too much in her time away from her family. In this chapter, Katara gets to see a rare glimpse of that uncertain little girl that Toph hides so well beneath all her bravado.

Katara's also realised that there are a lot of things bothering Zuko that he is not talking about with her. He's not hiding them exactly – but he's not sharing them either. I think Zuko would still be a lot less emotionally open* than her at this stage in their relationship. Zuko is probably the most open with Katara, but I still think he'd have trouble expressing his self doubt and vulnerability.

I also don't think he'd want to "sully" his time with her (as it were) with bitching and moaning about how he hated being the firelord. For a couple in the "just got it together" stage; they get so few little snatches of time here and there, all of which had to be conducted in secrecy – that lends a sense of urgency to their little canoodles. Also they both can't keep their hands of each other. That isn't conducive to conversation.

*Zuko is very quick to display temper, but that is **very different thing** from being emotionally open.

I think the pressure of being Firelord would be a very realistic problem for Zuko. He's just so _young _to be leading a country. It is a huge responsibility and a very difficult job – a job that I feel would be especially frustrating immediately after the war. Patience is not his strong point (even though he's been really trying lately). There is going to be a lot of anti-firenation feeling that Zuko will have to deal with everyday – and that will be exhausting. Anyway now that Katara is aware of these feelings, she will try and help de-stress him. You'll see how that plays out next chapter.

We'll also see how Ty Lee feels about being an airbender, Kuei stand up for himself and really try and be the Earth King. Aang will also embrace the less glamorous side of his role as the Avatar. And shenanigans will ensue.

Til then my lovely readers.


	23. A Bird and A Fish

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

A bird and a fish.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Zuko found Ty Lee first. She had climbed up a tree and had been hiding from everybody. He had spotted her and tried to coax her down (unsuccessfully). Then he'd drunkenly and impulsively climbed up after her. He evidently regretted this decision and was holding on to the trunk rather tightly. Ty Lee was sitting a small distance away on the edge of one of the branches, wailing about how she felt like her whole life was** over **and **ruined **and **terrible.** Zuko was trying to be comforting but he was being a bit awkward about it, because a) he's him and b) they were both precariously perched, some distance away from each other at this point. He had resorted to leaning one of his long legs out and poking her with his foot, while saying _there there. _

Mai announced our arrival and made some huffing about how Ty Lee and Zuko _should stop messing about in trees _and get down here. She wasn't climbing after them_ in this outfit. _Ty Lee refused, because she liked being up high. She found it comforting. Her eyes widened in alarm and she cried dramatically _Oh no, that's a stupid airbender thing too- isn't it! This whole time I thought it was just who I am, but nooooo, it's __**what **__I am! _Wanting to be as least like an airbender as possible is Ty Lee's primary motivation for descending from her lofty perch. She jumped down and landed neatly. Zuko's descent was not quite as easy (and involved much swearing).

When we were all assembled at the bottom of the tree, I tried to be comforting and gave her a small hug and told her that everything wasn't so bad. Ty Lee dramatically declared that everything was terrible instead. She used to think she was **just good at** things like acrobatics. But she wasn't good at those things. She was just **a secret freak** all along. She declared _Everything I am is a lie! My whole life is a lie!_

_Well that's just bullshit!_ Zuko snapped, which gave Ty Lee a big surprise. Mai admonished him and told him not to swear at Ty Lee. Zuko said he wasn't swearing **at** her. He was swearing **near** her. And anyway, it was stupid for Ty Lee to think that this one little thing meant that her whole life was a lie. Ty Lee got a bit defensive and said she wasn't being stupid.

Zuko said that he thought it was stupid that she thought that one little thing could make all the other things about her unimportant or untrue. _Being able to bend air doesn't make everything else about you a lie! Airbending is not going to change who you are. _Zuko declared. Then he looked her square in the face and said _You're still Ty Lee from Caldera City.__** No one can take that away from you, not even the Avatar.**__ You're still going to be you. _He said encouragingly, before adding with a slight shrug_ ... You just happen to be an airbender as well. _

_What if everyone back home hates me? _Ty Lee whispered and her face crumpled. Zuko is always great with me when I have snotty cries – but he is incredibly and ridiculously awkward around other crying people (especially crying girls and crying Aang). He started rambling _Oh bugger...no...don't do that...no one's going to hate you. _Ty Lee smushed her face against him and gave him a squishy hug. He patted her on the back and said _listen, if it's any consolation, people back home are going to hate me much more than they'll ever hate you. _There is a great deal of truth to this, so it seemed to work.

Mai is also not good with showing affection, but she made a real effort here and put a soothing arm around Ty Lee's shoulder. She reassured Ty Lee that she'd never be hated. No one _could_ hate her. Besides, being an Airbender could actually be pretty neat. Ty Lee had always wanted to stand our from the crowd, now she could fly above it. Mai has also received a smushy hug for her troubles.

Ty Lee started wiping her face rapidly. When she was less splotchy and more calm, she asked _if I decide to just accept this whole airbender thing – what does that mean?_ I offered that it just meant that she could learn airbending. Aang would like to teach her.

Ty Lee thought for as second and then asked if she would be expected to do other air nomad things like dress in brown and orange, shave her head, go live in a temple and shag her sisters. Ty Lee wasn't _into _any of that. I said that of course she wouldn't be expected to do any of that. Ty Lee was visibly relieved. Brown and orange were **so not **her colours.

-o-

Shag her sisters? **Goodness me **they have some funny ideas about air nomads in the firenation.

-o-

When Ty Lee was feeling calmer, and had received a sufficient amount of hugs and reassurance from everybody, we decided to head back to the party. Mai had to meet up with June, retrieve her two pets and give a King a lift. Ty Lee remembered with a start that she had chi blocked Aang. She clearly felt a little guilty about that. She was keen to get back and have a chat to him.

Jet was still caught under Elsa's tail when we got back to him. He had taken to trying to reason with/bribe the Eel Hound. He had promised her** many** meaty treats and scratches behind her ears if she would just get off him. Elsa would respond by bending her long body so that she could better lick Jet's head like he was an unruly 's hair was sticking up in bizarre tufts as a result of Elsa's attempts at "grooming" him. He would struggle and say things like _we've talked about this Elsa – Don't Touch The Hair. _Mai sniggered to herself at the sight of them. Jet glared at her but that just made her snigger more audibly.

_There you are!_ We heard June declare impatiently from behind us. She strode over to Mai with Kuei and the Dowager trailing in her wake. They were followed at a short distance by Sokka, Suki, Dad, Iroh and Aang. Aang was still suffering the effects of chi blocking and was being carried gently by Dad. June and Mai had a short whispered conversation. Then June lifted up her head and faced Kuei and said _alright King, __**gird your loins**__ because we are going on an adventure! _Kuei was most visibly excited about this.

His level of excitement was matched only by the Dowager's level of disapproval, which she had no qualms about expressing. What was Kuei's hurry? Why couldn't Kuei hear reason? Surely Kuei wasn't thinking of riding off with this ferocious looking woman? June inclined her head, clearly feeling complimented.

Evidently Kuei had told his mother what he intended to do this afternoon. Sokka told me later Kuei wanted to be honest with her. He didn't want to slink off like a thief in the night. He felt that sneaking off meant that he felt that his love for Song was shameful. This is a very noble, but slightly naïve sentiment. In the water tribes we have a theory that sometimes it is better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. That certainly seemed to be the case here. The Dowager was not granting her permission or her blessing any time soon. She was following Kuei and haranguing him about how he was being a fool and what duty demanded of him and tradition and all of that sort of thing.

Kuei would reply that he wasn't going to listen to his mother on this matter. He couldn't just wait around for her to tell him what to do any more. His life was **finally happening **to him again. He wanted to be with Song, meet with peasants, leave the palace walls and explore. He didn't want to spend everyday in a throne room **never once** seeing the people he governed. How could someone govern properly and live in complete ignorance of their people?

So that was the general jist of Kuei's position. Apparently Kuei and the Dowager had been hissing arguments at each other about Kuei's adventure throughout the entire party. At one point, Kuei had called Sokka over to help him convince his mum and the Dowager **had a real go** at Sokka. Our Dad got protective and injected his opinion. The whole thing could have descended into argumentative shenanigans – but help came from a most unlikely quarter. Chief Arnook!

He'd sauntered over and done a bit of schmoozing, plied the dowager with some brandy and smoothed the whole thing over for Dad and and Sokka. The Dowager was still angry at Kuei (and now her anger came with the added bonus of inebriation) but she no longer blamed Sokka.

Kuei was unmoved by his Mother's pleads, scolds, entreaties and guilt trips. He climbed up on Nyla behind June. He waved to all of us with a big smile on his face and wished his mother a fond farewell. _Song will have moved on my lad – you know what these peasants are like. You'll be making a fool of yourself. _She called up to him. Kuei replied _I can't possibly be a bigger fool than I have already been. Goodbye mother. _He pointed over June's shoulder and said _onwards, my good woman! To the peasants we go! _

June rolled her eyes and cracked her whip. Nyla Lurched upwards. Kuei made a small exclamation of dismay and excitement as they rode off at cracking pace. Mai and Jet followed behind on Elsa after a small squabble over who got to sit in front and drive (a squabble which Mai won). It almost felt like it should have been sunset – if only so the four of them could ride off into it dramatically.

-o-

The Dowager strode back into the party to make the announcement. She spouted some bullshit about Kuei being indisposed due to too much quiche. Many people in the party knew that feeling.

he thing about an **all you can eat **lunch is that some people (like Sokka and the rest of my tribe) take the phrase **all you can eat **as if it is some sort of challenge. The Dowager rambled some more about how the long celebratory lunch could continue! _More pies, tarts and brandy for everyone!_ She declared. There was much cheering following this pronouncement.

-o-

Ty Lee wandered over to Aang. Aang was currently in the ridiculous position of being carried by my Dad while Iroh and Sokka played with him like a puppet. His arms and legs were still all droppy from the chi blocking. Iroh, who was a bit tipsy, kept lifting up Aang's arm and saying something like_ high five Avatar Aang. _Sokka was trying to test when Aang's feeling would come back. He was constantly lifting up a leg, dropping it, then asking_ did you feel that? _In a most scientific manner.

Aang who is normally very patient, was looking a bit fed up with the two of them.

Dad saw Ty Lee approaching and told the two of them to_ cut it out._ Then my dad quickly popped Aang on his feet and held him under his shoulders so it looked like he was standing upright. He clearly felt this was a much more dignified position for Aang. Ty Lee looked a little shy as she said hello to Aang. Aang (And Dad, Sokka and Iroh) and said hello back. Ty Lee started to apologise for chi blocking Aang, but he had just upset her and she had a habit of chi blocking people when she was upset.

Aang apologised for upsetting her. He said he was sorry he just** blurted it out **in an inconsiderate way. Iroh got the wrong end of the stick about what Aang had blurted out, and saw fit to gasp at this point. _Oh no! Did you declare your love for her Avatar Aang? We talked about __**not**__ doing that. That makes it awkward for everyone! _Iroh said with some dismay, thus making it awkward for everyone.

Aang blushed. Ty Lee blushed. Sokka elbowed Iroh. My Dad waggled Aang's arms, ducked down behind him and said (in a high pitch voice that was clearly meant to sound like Aang's) _Ty Lee! Don't listen to that other voice. It's talking drunk rubbish. It's also just a figment of your imagination. _

Dad evidently thought he had "made it better."

Suki, who is always the most sensible, even when she's a bit wankered, intervened. She shooed Dad and Iroh away and, with Sokka's help, dragged Aang over to the benches so at least he could sit up while he and Ty Lee talked. We all went a short distance away to give them "some space". Evidently we didn't give them space enough. We all tired to surreptitiously listen in (like usual) and crowded behind a nearby pot plant, trying to "act natural". Aang** knew** what we were doing and tried to shoo us along further. Ty Lee also chimed in and the boys got moving pretty quickly after that.

There is nothing like the threat of chi blocked willies to get them to shift themselves.

-o-

Suki and Sokka also decided that they _needed space_ and absconded to have a canoodle somewhere. Toph wanted to go talk to her father so she wandered off to look for him. Dad and Iroh had decided that they were going to play drinking Pai Sho. This was my Dad's idea. Every time you have an unharmonious alignment – you drink. Dad clearly hoped that plying Iroh with ooze would boost his own chances of winning.

Note: So Dad and Uncle Iroh are friends and that is great. And I do not want to be all paranoid about their friendship.

But their friendship is making me _all paranoid! _

**Why** do they have to be the sort of friends who partake of too much brandy together? The idea of them getting wankered together is **really worrying **just quietly. They are both **over-sharers **when they've had a few. Major over-sharers when they've had more than a few.

Balls! What happens if they start over sharing about us?

Zuko valiantly attempted to give his Uncle an **Uncle You're Drunk – go home **talk. But there's nothing we can really do to stop them. He was mid-spiel (_we both know what happens when you drink too much brandy; you sing the hedgehog song, lose your pants, sometimes your shoes, then you decide it is time to be "honest" with everyone and let me tell you – that never goes well... _etc) when I suddenly had an idea.

If we left them to it – then everyone else would be occupied with their own shenanigans. It would be the ideal time for us to sneak off and have a canoodle of our own (a la Sokka and Suki). We could pick up where we left off. Whereas if Zuko succeeded in his scolding and Iroh went home – then Dad might want to have "family bonding" time with me and Sokka.

**Canoodles would be ruined for everyone. **

So I interrupted Zuko's spiel about the hedgehog song. I told my Dad and Iroh that they should have a good night, offered to get them both another drink to start the game off and then made my excuses. Said I was feeling a little tired etc. Then I gave Zuko what I thought was a very sultry (but very subtle) **follow me look **and walked off back to the palace gardens.

-o-

He followed – course he did, after making some lame excuses of his own a few minutes later. I informed him of my _cunning canoodle realisation_**. **Zuko was pleased with my cunning canoodle plan. We actually decided to go back to my room.

I have noted that beds are just more conducive to canoodling.

Just as a purely scientific observation, of course.

I took Zuko back to my room, so we could have a bit of privacy and not be ridiculously interrupted. We'd be left alone in the Southern Watertribe Wing. All you can eat buffets and free drinks are completely irresistible to my tribe. I predicted that the whole of the southern section would be **completely deserted.** I was proven correct.

-o-

Whenever we get the chance to canoodle, we just can't keep our hands off each other. But I didn't just want to shameless grope him tonight.

Well I didn't **only** want to shamelessly grope him.

I'll be honest, shamelessly groping was a big part of my "Relax Zuko" plan.

See he just has been under so much pressure and I really wanted to relax him. I know that stress can cause all sorts of medical problems and so I really had a **Legitimate Medical Reason **for wanting him to take off his shirt.

I really wanted to relax him – but here is what I discovered. **You Cannot Force Zuko To Relax.** The more I **forced** it, the less relaxed he got. Which is such a disappointment, because I had the best relaxation plan ever. There would have been Massages, Yoga and Mediation. But because Zuko was so uncooperative, we didn't get further then the massages...and then we go distracted with _other things. _

Anyway I started taking off his shirt and talking about legitimate medical reasons. Y_ou know, I've noticed that whenever you say "legitimate medical reasons" I always end up shirtless_ he said in a sly tone of voice. He gave me a big smile. He thinks he's so wily.I was unashamed. Getting Zuko shirtless was the whole point of a legitimate medical reason, in my opinion. And it's not like he can claim that he's not fond of taking my top off either.

Zuko was **most** sceptical about my relaxation plan, but eventually acquiesced (as he does when I make **penguin eyes **at him). So he lay face down, while I sat on his butt and tried to give him a relaxing back massage. I ended up rubbing my hands all up and down his bare back. I could feel all the little tangled knots of tension, especially in his shoulders. I started to slowly try and unknot them. He made many appreciative noises, but was otherwise a most unruly patient and kept wiggling and asking_ am I relaxed yet? s_arcastically.

What was worse, was that I was an easily distracted masseuse. Every time I rubbed my hands upwards to his shoulders, my face would end up right near his, and then I wouldn't be able to resist giving him a little kiss on the cheek. He seemed to think that this was some sort of **kissing game** (not just me getting distracted by his beautiful face) and kept trying to roll over to kiss me properly.

I got a bit scoldy because I wasn't finished with my relaxing massage idea and he was still stressed. He said the massage was _making him stressed_ and he'd be much more relaxed if he could just kiss me properly. I said I was the doctor trainee out of the two of us and therefore I knew what was best. He said he'd never been good at listening to doctors orders. Sweaty, sexy, shirtless wrestling ensued.

Zuko won.

Zuko was very confused about my sudden massage obsession and wanted to just make out. I tried to explain that I knew he was super stressed. Then I rambled a bit about stress related illnesses and how I'd read in one of my medical books about how relaxing massage can be. I really just wanted to help and giving him a massage had seemed like a really good idea at the time, but then he'd **ruined it** by continually trying to kiss me. Not that I was blaming him, but it was hard to wash away someone's stress when they were trying to put their tongue down your throat.

He didn't see why I was so worried about him stressing _now. _I told him he'd surprised me tonight with everything he said to Jet about hating being the firelord. I knew he hadn't wanted to be the firelord so young, but I didn't know that he hated it so much. I was **worried** about him and I just wanted to do whatever I could to make it easier.

He listened to all my word vomit with a thoughtful look. Then he said that I already **did enough**. I didn't need to do massages or... whatever ... because...And anyway, he didn't hate being the firelord **that much. **It was his duty to do it, and so he shouldn't resent it. It was better than serving tea. And I shouldn't worry about what he said to Jet, because that was just drunk, pissed off babbling.

I said that it didn't sound like just drunk, pissed off babbling. It sounded like these sorts of things had been bothering him for ages and ages. I said that if something was bothering him, he could tell me. He gave a little rueful smile and said _I wouldn't want to bore you with all that. _I told him he was being very very silly. Why would **he even think I'd be bored by that**? I _wanted _him to tell me.

He asked if I really wanted to know what he thought. I nodded emphatically. He fiddled with one of my hair loopies while he said_ Being the firelord...it's... I'll always have to do it, so I just have to get used to it...it's just one more thing I have to be...and maybe I don't always enjoy it, and maybe it's_ _**really hard work**__...__but then __**we**__ happened and I don't know...having you... makes it__** easier**__. _

He said it so softly and sincerely and I couldn't help but melt a little. He's not into talking about feelings like I am (I **always **want to talk about feelings), but he still tries for me. And what he'd said was so sweet and honest. It really struck a cord for me. Mostly because I knew exactly what he meant. I mean, I don't have to put up with all the stressful shenanigans that come with being the firelord, but whenever I've had a really bad, no good day – all I want is Zuko. When I am really sad, he makes me feel like life is not so bad. All my problems seem easier.

I used to worry about needing him like that. I'm not good at needing people. I'm used to people needing me. The danger of needing people is that they can be taken away from you. They could die . They can leave you. They can let you down when you least suspect it. And that **always hurts so much. **

But he felt the same. Surely if he needs me the way that I need him, then we can do this properly. We can need each other without hurting each other or letting each other down. Maybe this is how love is meant to be. Maybe it's meant to be finding someone who can make even the worst day seem a little joyful, just by being there.

Before I knew it, I was cupping his face in my hands and kissing him gently in response. In amongst all the handsy groping, this was a really tender, intimate gesture. It meant something. There were words I really wanted to say. I'd said them to him once, but then he hadn't remembered. I couldn't quite say them now. I don't even know what I was afraid of, really. I didn't say those words, but I said the most honest and true thing I could. I told him that he made me really happy_. _

His reaction was achingly surprised. He leaned his forehead against mine and whispered _I don't think I've ever made anyone happy before. _I was about to refute that – because I didn't want him thinking that about himself, (he's made plenty of people happy, I'm sure of it) but then his lips were on mine and all thoughts left my head. It was a very very good kiss.

-o-

Things got a lot more intense after that. My mad thought from earlier returned. I decided that it was high time that I touched _it. _I felt like I couldn't keep ignoring_ it. It_ has a away of _making itself known._ Whenever we **do this** -_it always pops up._

I don't have that much experience with touching_ one. _I've seen heaps as a healer, but I've not been intimate with that many boys...so _it _was still **a big thing** for me.

Jet showed me his. Good old Jet had no shyness about whipping it out. But then I ruined it by giggling and blushing and he put it away again pretty quickly.

In my defence, I'd never seen one _like that _before.

_It _just moved completely on its own.

_They _are such weird looking things anyway.

Especially balls. Balls look like ….little purses made of elbow skin.

Anyway, I've never touched _one_ before. Zuko was more than willing to let me touch his. I indulged my curiosity, and touched _it _a fair bit. Much fun was had by all. But then I didn't want to let _it _go, because Zuko was just making **the best noises**. And saying _yes_ a lot.

**Note: **I wonder if I could get him to agree to all sorts of stuff, just by touching _it_. Could touching _it _be more persuasive than the penguin eyes? Hmm, something to explore at least.

So while I was touching _it, _his huge hands were also getting very exploratory. His hands had explored all the way inside my dress. They'd had a bit of a stopover in the boob area but then proceeded straight down to my wraps. He hesitated there, and gave me this really questioning look, like he was asking permission. **Permission was granted!**

Gosh, he has huge hands. Really long fingers...Goodness, I'm blushing just thinking about it...

So _it was all happening._ He was touching my _lady-bits_ and I was touching his_it._ I actually couldn't believe we had gotten this far, **without being interrupted.** With our luck, we always get interrupted before we get to the good bit.

Zuko seemed as surprised as I was. Its was like he was voicing my thoughts, when he broke our kiss for a second to say _It's just….I can't believe this is really….you're here. I'm here. We're both here and... we're __**doing this**__. Like…I've wanted this for so long and now __**it's all happening.**_

I agreed, but then something in his last sentence sparked my curiosity. I was to one to break off this kissing this time. He said he'd wanted this**for so long**, but I kind of wanted to know how long – _exactly._

I asked him when he had started fancying me. He got a bit shy and said it didn't matter and tried to resume the kissing. I promptly took my hands off _it. _I told him he'd have to fess up if he wanted to proceed with the previous activity. He said he'd tell me, if I told him when I started fancying him. It seemed fair, so I agreed.

Zuko has fancied me since the Western Air Temple! The day we had moonpeaches in the tree, specifically.

What the hell?

He's fancied me **for ages. **

I couldn't believe he's fancied me for **so long** and never said anything. I teased him slightly for this. He said that in his defence, he would have never thought that **I would ever fancy him back**. He didn't want to make things uncomfortable for me with his unwanted affections, the way that Aang did back then. He thought I'd had enough on my plate...and anyway, it was my go, so I could stop teasing him and answer the question.

I actually couldn't remember the specific time and date when I looked at Zuko and thought _mmmmhhhh – oh yes, I'd tap that. _

It wasn't like one day I was calling him Subject and hiding his fireflakes and the next day I wanted to shove him against a wall and have my wicked way with him.

Realising I fancied him came on so gradually, I hardly noticed. I was right in the middle of a massive, inconvenient crush, before I even knew I had started thinking of him **in that way.**

So I said I didn't know. He just _grew on me – like mould. _Zuko took exception to that and pulled away a little. _Oh thanks a bunch! I'm like mould now?_ I told him not to make that face, and tried to pull him closer for another kiss, thinking that would be the end of the subject. But he still wanted **a proper answer**, and all my lady wiles could not dissuade him.

If I had to come up with a definite answer, then it would have to be when Zuko started training shirtless every day with Aang at Ember Island (for terribly shallow, but absolutely understandable reasons.) Zuko teased me a bit for my terrible shallow reasons (and made a few lame puns about how I fancied him for his _hot body_).

But then he realised that Ember Island was a while ago. I had also fancied him**for ages. **_We could have been doing __**this **__ages ago. _I slid my hands back down his pants and onto _it _again, and said we could just try and_make up for lost time now. _Then I winked at him in a sultry way, to be completely sure he'd get my meaning.

I'll remember the resulting expression on his face forever.

-o-

So we nearly got caught before any _of that_ could happen. Maybe it's lucky. It was _hard enough_ as it was. If we had been in the middle of _that_...I don't know what would have happened.

The most worrying thing is that I didn't even hear the door open to the Southern Wing open, I was so distracted. So it was a near thing. But Zuko heard it (thank goodness!). He froze and then whispered _Someone just came in_. My first instinct was to hide under the covers. So that was what I did. A second later we heard the Dowager's crisp voice call out _is someone here? _

My mind just went blank with horror. Well not blank exactly. Mostly it was filled with words like _Balls! Spirits Alive! Bloody Hell! Oh Bugger! _Etc. We were in mu room with the door closed, but she was right on the other side and if she decided to open it...

My heart was hammering a million miles an hour. There was an uneasy minute of silence. The Dowager was obviously listening for more noise. Then a second voice joined her._ I think it was the wind Your Majesty, I just had a quick check and there is no one else here. I knew this place would be deserted. That is why I brought you here. _

Chief Arnook?!

I felt a huge flood of relief at the first part. But then there was a creeping feeling of apprehension at the second part. He'd brought her here because he knew it would be empty? If they came for _that,_ then there was**no way** we could get dressed and get out of here without making any noise at all. Trying to leave would alert them to our presence. So we'd have to stay put and stay as silent as possible.

Zuko made an almost comically disgusted face at Arnook's words. He was thinking along the same lines that I was. If we had to stay trapped and silent here, listening to old people have sex - then I would just never get over it.

The Dowager said she could imagine why Arnook assumed that this place would be empty. All the southerners would **definitely be out at the party. **I felt a bit insulted by the disapproving way she said that. Arnook said conversationally _Yes, they have a wonderful capacity for revelry. I actually find it refreshing. Their love of life is so infectious. _The dowager sniffed at that. Then said it still didn't explain why Arnook had brought her here.

Arnook said that he knew she was a woman who appreciated her privacy. He had just wanted to have a talk with her about a delicate matter, in a location where she could express herself and not worry about being overheard. I thought that he was about to put the moves on her...but he didn't. He wanted to talk to her about Kuei.

He _actually brought her here to talk._...not for any other activities!

The spirits aren't complete pratfaces after all.

-o-

Arnook and the Dowager sat down in the lounge suit near my door. The Dowager is actually much more genuinely polite around Arnook. Perhaps because Arnook had been here for weeks and weeks before we arrived. The two of them must have struck up a rapport.

Makes sense. Two old stick-in-the-muds would stick together.

Balls! That's me **being judgemental** again. I'm trying to break myself of **that** habit, but it's going to take time. I will say that know that Arnook is a good leader, was a loving father and can be a kind man. The Dowager for all her bluster, has a good heart underneath it all. I shouldn't dismiss them so. Tonight I actually got to see a side of Arnook I have never seen before. (Well technically, I got to **hear **a side of Arnook I had never heard before).

He spoke in that soothing, reasonable tone I remembered from the North. It was the way he used to talk to Yue. Beautiful Yue. He barely mentions her now – but you can tell that he's still not over losing her. But then again, Iroh almost never ever mentions Lu ten – yet every time he does, you can tell that he's still not gotten over it. I can't even imagine how it would feel to lose a child. Perhaps you never get over something like that.

Arnook said that he and the Dowager had always agreed on the importance of maintaining the traditions of their nations. But it is a difficult thing to be a staunch traditionalists in a rapidly changing world. The Dowager agreed. She did not like all Kuei's talk of progress. She found the very word "progress" vaguely ominous. She didn't see why things have to change.

Arnook said_ Not all change is bad, Your Majesty. Most change is inevitable. The seasons change, the tide turns, the moon waxes and wanes – yet these things do not bother you. _The Dowager said that these things did not bother her because they were part of the natural order of things. Arnook said that he also thought that children wishing to have some measure of independence and assert themselves was also part of the natural order of things. All children eventually grew into their own people. _Ah, so you are saying that I should accept Kuei's foolish notions as part of the natural order of things. See his rebellion as necessary change. _The Dowager replied in a wry tone. Arnook said that he felt there was little good she could achieve by fighting Kuei the way she was.

Arnook sighed loudly. It was an old and tired sound. He said _I used to think like you. I used to think I knew best. Whenever Yue said something I disagreed with, I immediately assumed she was wrong... I made the last year of her life miserable. _His voice caught on the word "miserable." there was a long pause. Then the Dowager asked gently, in a rare moment of genuine feeling, _Are you alright Chief Arnook? _Arnook cleared his throat and said he was quite well. He was just hoping he could help the Dowager avoid his mistakes. _Believe me, you do not want to make my mistake. You don't want to be the source of your child's misery. Life is... __**too short**__ for that. _

The Dowager protested that she wasn't trying to make Kuei miserable. Kuei would make himself miserable with his foolish ideas. All of the other kings and courtiers would not respect Kuei for marrying someone so lowly. Respect is a very important thing in the Earth Kingdom. As a Hidden King, Kuei commanded respect through his mystery. But now he wanted to go out and about in public and make decisions and all sorts of other things. He had lost a great deal of respect in doing so. Marrying a peasant would only exacerbate the situation. Everyone would be so shocked and appalled by it.

It would be a different story if Kuei were not so foolhardy. If the Dowager could get some time with this girl, she could dress her up properly, perhaps bestow her with a phony title, rustle around her heritage and find a drop of pedigree breeding, then she could make this peasant into a more acceptable bride. But instead Kuei wanted to start openly courting her straight away if she were to take him back, without a single thought for _how it would look. _

Arnook offered what I also felt was a sensible solution. Why did the Dowager not offer Kuei her help instead of her constant disapproval? If she offered to help make his peasant a more agreeable bride, instead of outright forbidding the match – then surely Kuei would agree. The Dowager said that Kuei had been quite particular about not hiding the girl – he didn't want to act like he was ashamed of her. She was apparently a forthright, honest sort of girl.

Arnook said that if she was a sensible girl she would see the need for delicacy when it came to having a relationship with a King. Ba Sing Se was romantically known as the City of Secrets. Surely Kuei and his peasant could not object to keeping their relationship a secret, for a brief period of time, while the Dowager _did her thing, _if the end result was being able to marry without any problems from the aristocracy?

The Dowager thought for a second and then said _Why Chief Arnook, you are a genius! Everyone is always saying how clever you Water Tribe Folks, and now I can attest that it is true. _She sounded delighted. Arnook sounded pleasantly flattered and surprised and slightly confused. He said he was only making a sensible suggestion. But he was glad he had helped the Dowager. Really, he hated seeing his friend so at odds with her child. He was water-tribe, so he always believed that family was meant to stick together through anything.

The Dowager said he had been a great help. He had given her the prefect idea for **sorting out this nonsense. **The solution was so simple. All she had to do was persuade them to keep their relationship a secret, while she could "prepare society." Then it would only be a short amount of time before this preposterous relationship failed. Because the relationship would be secret, there would little lasting damage done to Kuei's image.

Chief Arnook was confused. This was not at all what he _thought_ he suggested.

He tried to get the Dowager to _hold her ostrich horses. _What made her so sure the relationship would fail? _Because relationships that have to be keep secret __**always do.**_ She replied knowingly. _**It is the very nature of secret relationships to implode in on themselves.**__ You cannot build a solid foundation in secret. Once the novelty wears off, the whole thing collapses. When this peasant tires of the deception, as she inevitably will – it will be__** her**__ decision to leave and break his heart. Not mine. _

Arnook counselled her against thinking like this. She should not hope for her son's unhappiness. The Dowager was most affronted by this._ I am not hoping for that at all. I would never hope for such a thing!_ She said very defensively._ But you are right in saying that I have to let him do this. _

_This is a mistake that I have to let him make. But this mistake is not going to cause him lasting harm, if I can help it. _

Arnook still thought she would be going about this whole thing the wrong way. The Dowager asked him_ If your beloved Yue fell in love with the absolute lowest of water tribe society, would you have been content to sit back and let her make a complete fool of herself and her family?_ Arnook didn't have an easy answer for that. The Dowager evidently felt she'd won.

She said _Don't think of me as heartless dear friend, just because I see the logical truth. Kings and peasants are not meant to fall in love. They come from such different worlds. The whole thing is impossible... After all, a bird may love a fish – but where would they live? What does that love signify in the end? _Arnook sighed his sad, old, tired sigh again, and said he didn't know.

-o-

The Dowager and Arnook left not long after, but their conversation cast a very distinctive gloom over canoodle-time.

Canoodle-time didn't resume, even when they had been gone a few minutes and we were on our own again. The mood had been **killed **with all their talk of imploding secret relationships, kings impossibly loving peasants and ill-fated birds and fish. It was all so portentous and foreboding for us.

It can't be true – can it?

I don't think that Zuko and I will implode, just because we can only be together in secret right now.

We didn't say anything for a long while but just held each other's gazes. Zuko spoke first. He stroked my cheek and said softly, _We don't have to listen to them, you know. _I nodded and said I knew that. I thought that the Dowager was totally **wrong** anyway. But there was a tiny sliver of doubt in both our voices that I didn't like. We started kissing again, but without the same frenzied passion from before. It was a more cuddly, reassuring kiss. But that suited me just fine.

I needed cuddles and reassurance right then.

-o-

I can't stop thinking about stupid birds and stupid fish.

Where **would **they live? Really?

The fish can't live without water. Living in the air is right out. Fish can't breathe without water. Besides other birds might eat it and that would really suck for the love bird... and the fish who got eaten obviously.

But living in the ocean isn't any better either. That bird would hate getting wet... unless it was a Diving King Fisher. Even if it was a Diving King Fisher, they only dive into the water for a brief period of time. They can't breathe underwater any more than a fish can breathe on land.

Or maybe the fish is a flying fish. I have seem them a couple of times. Flying fish that could leap many feet out of the water. A flying fish and a bird could fly together at least.

Or what happens if the fish was a waterbending fish? A waterbending fish would be wily and could make a little air bubble for its bird friend. Then they could live together under the sea.

But the bird would need to stretch its wings properly and would probably come to hate its little air bubble in the end.

Gosh, I hate how much time I have spent thinking about birds and fish. I have been thinking about birds and fish ever since Zuko left.

He climbed out my window after the first revellers started trickling back into the southern Water Tribe section – indicating that either the free food or the free booze had run out and the party was now over. Zuko thought it would be a smart idea to skedaddle then. He also wanted to go double check that his Uncle wasn't **getting into mischief.**

Since he went, I have been lying here, thinking about birds and fish. I just can't sort it out in my head. It feels like I can't sleep until they get their living arrangements **sorted. **

-o-

I was really tired at work the next day. Yugoda and I moved on to the long term Joo Dees, the ones who had been with the Dai Lee for two years or more. Two years plus of constant brainwashing made treating the long term Joo Dees especially difficult.

A few of them had reacted badly the first time Yugoda tried with them. But since then, they had much more time to adjust to natural light and living above grounds and the night nurses said that a few had had sparks of recognition during the evening. So Yugoda was feeling optimistic. She felt it was high time we at least **tried **helping them reconnect their memories again before I left.

The peace conference is scheduled to end in a few days, and Yugoda is worried about what she will do when I and the other water tribe healers leave. Yugoda has elected to stay on in Ba Sing Se, and the Dowager has promised to provide more Earth Kingdom healers to help pick up the slack.

That's a tricky ask. Most of the healers who live in Ba Sing Se are really creeped out by the Joo Dees. Joo Dees were the public face of the Dai Li for years and were often used as spies. They make people who lived in Ba Sing Se, during the Dai Li years, really uneasy and apprehensive. I can't really fault them for that. Even Zuko, who is normally so fearless, gets the heebies jeebies around the Joo Dees big time. It's not the Joo Dees fault, but not many healers in Ba Sing Se want to work with them. The Dowager might have to look further a feild, when the rest of the Water Tribe Healers depart.

Yugoda wanted to try heal the long term Joo Dees today, while we could all work together as a team. There are literally **hundreds **of long term Joo Dees and we hadn't made any headway with them at all.

I looked at the sea of faces in front of me and just felt **daunted. **There were so many.

I wish I had got a solid night's sleep last night, instead of tossing and turning the whole time about stupid birds and stupid fish. But there was nothing to be done about that now. None of these Joo Dees were going to be helped by me standing and gawking at them. So I collected myself and called the first one over.

-o-

It was heartbreaking work.

I got nothing! Nothing from any of them.

I had to have an extra tea break in the afternoon, because **it was all just too much.** I couldn't stare at another beautiful, blank face right then. These Joo Dees are like beautiful seashells that have been completely scrubbed clean of the creature that lives inside them. They're just...empty. They were once women who had friends and family who loved them. Women who at least had names of their own. Now they're all just Joo Dee. And I hadn't been able to help a single one of them. I wasn't helping at all.

The last straw for me came when I had to treat our first Joo Dee. Gosh, I never even knew that any of this was a possibility when we first arrived in Ba Sing Se. I was so annoyed with her back then for her obstruction when we looked for Appa. We got her into trouble. She _disappeared_ for a few days. It's more awful now that I know how the Dai Li punished Joo Dees. She recognised me, but she did not even remember her own real name or family. I tried to apologise, and tried to help her so much – but it was futile. She just kept offering to take me on a tour of the city.

It just made me so tired, all of a sudden.

I couldn't face the next Joo Dee in my section right then. I told her to wait for me and took a much needed break. I sat with my head in my hands in the kitchen, trying to collect myself, when I felt a soothing hand rub my back. At first I thought it was Yugoda. She often takes her tea with me and consoles me when I find it is all a bit too much.

But I got a real fright when I realised it was the Joo Dee I told to wait. She had followed me to the kitchen, which was unusual. Mostly the Joo Dees are very obedient. They stand where you tell them, and wait when you ask them too.

We like to give the Joo Dees free reign. They all hate to be restrained (understandably). Sometimes however, they act out things they did in their normal lives. One of the short-term Joo Dees had an obsession with straightening everyone's collars and clothes and gregariously flattering everyone. This had helped us figure out that she had been a lady's maid at one point. We'd been able to reunite her with her family, with her former job as a starting point. This was the first time I'd had a Joo Dee follow me into the kitchen. Perhaps she'd been a cook of some description. I knew I'd have to observe her carefully.

So I sat back up straight and started wiping my face. I may have been having a small cry. But I know it's** super unprofessional to cry at work**, so I tried to hide it as best I could. I thought I hid it well, but this Joo Dee noticed I was upset anyway. She made a sympathetic face and sat next to me and instantly put an arm around me and said _hush, now. What is troubling you so badly? i_n a soothing tone of voice. This was first glimmer of individual personality I'd seen a Joo Dee all day.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a plain handkerchief and gave it to me and asked if there was anything she could do to help me. I wiped my face and told her I was fine, really. She _tsked _when I lifted my face up properly and frowned slightly. _You are looking tired girl. Are you getting enough sleep?_ She asked with some concern. She was talking normally to me normally. She wasn't using the usual flat tones and contrived language I had been hearing all day. This was a promising sign.

I told her I hadn't slept well last night, just to see if she would _tsk_ again. She did! Then she added _you know all problems seem much bigger when we are over-tired _with a kind and slightly worried smile. She suggested I take a nap. I told her I couldn't nap, because I had work to do. She conversationally asked me what sort of work I did. I told her I was a healer and she nodded approvingly.

I started trying to ask her the standard questions, but she looked distinctly uncomfortable. Evidently whoever she had been** before **had been a private sort of woman wh did not like personal questions. She tried to brush the questions off. She said I wouldn't want to know about boring old her. There wasn't much to her story. She would much rather get to know things about me, for I seemed like a fascinating young woman.

The flattery was transparent. Perhaps this woman had been a lady's maid too. But I played along. Obviously, we are not supposed to indulge personal information to the Joo Dees, but I made an exception here, because this was the first bit of progress I'd made all day with any of them. I asked her what she would like to know.

The Joo Dee wanted to know what had really been upsetting me. _I know you were not simply crying because you were over-tired_, she said softly. I didn't know how put what was actually bothering me into words. I didn't even know if I should tell her. The Joo Dee noted my hesitation, and then offered _perhaps I could guess what is troubling you so much?_ I nodded.

Her first guess was that I had been fighting terribly with a sibling. I shook my head. Her next guess was boy trouble. I think I must have made a startled face, because this Joo Dee assumed that she had hit the nail on the head. She nodded sagely and said _ah, boy trouble it is. _She gave me a wry grin. She was quite a pretty woman when she smiled that smug little smile - like she thought she was so wily. There was something _really familia_r about her, but I couldn't quite place her. I was trying to remember if we had seen her in the upper ring when we were first here.

_Boys always are __**such trouble**__. _She said with another knowing smile. She asked if my young man was being frightful, unfaithful, or displaying unfathomable stupidity? I shook my head. I felt all of those were a bit unfair to Zuko. He's been lovely. It's not his fault that birds and fish can't live together and I can't stop thinking about how their living arrangements. I shook my head and told her _No, it's not him. It's...we are just so very different sometimes. _

_Do you agree about the important things? _The Joo Dee asked me solemnly. The answer is yes. We do agreed about the important things. Joo Dee nodded. She asked me, in a very gentle tone, if I loved my young man. The answer to that is yes too, even though I can't seem to say it. _Well then, your differences wont be great enough to separate you dear. _Joo Dee reassured me.

It was such a surreal conversation. I haven't been able to talk to **anyone **about this. I've been aching to be able to unburden myself to someone. This Joo Dee was so kind and so curious about me. I felt like I could ask her anything. There was something really warm about her. She was such a nice woman. I asked her if she really thought that was true. _Could two really different people really make it work? _

The Joo Dee said that of course two very different people could make it work – if they _love each other well. _Apparently loving well means listening, caring and compromising. It means that a couple wont break up over trivial things. Those lucky people will always fight for their relationship, because they know that their love is worth it _. You see, dear, when you love well, then love really is all you need. _

Love is all you need? My mother used to say that as well. I told her that we had that phrase in the Water-tribes. Joo Dee smiled widely and said that she thought every country would have that phrase, because it is true everywhere. The commonest phrases are sometimes the truest. She listed a few, to see if I knew them. _Every cloud has a silver lining. It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness, Fortune favours the brave. _I knew all of those. I offered some water tribe sayings. _A rising tide lifts all boats, a poor workman blames his tools, actions speak louder than words._ Joo Dee knew all of those.

Then she said _it's always darkest before the dawn. _I wasn't familiar with that one. Joo Dee seemed a bit disappointed. It was the end of our little game. _That's what I always say to my kids. I told them that whenever things look really grim and dark, they just had to wait a while and be patient and hope the dawn would not be far off. _She explained, then she gave a little grimace and a rueful shrug and said _I had to tell them __**something**__..._

She had kids, and she had just mentioned them! This was the most astonishing thing!

I thought we were really getting somewhere. Most of the long term Joo Dees had brains that were **just fried** from repeated brainwashing, but this Joo Dee had held a steady conversation with me for ages. I was probably too enthusiastic to make some progress with her. I startled her and ruined it when she said that.

I whipped around to face her properly and almost yelped _You have children?! What are their names? _My abrupt change in behaviour made my Joo Dee jump. I cursed myself because I should have known better. Joo Dees **hate** sudden movement and sudden loud noises. I had just almost shouted at her because I was so excited. I'd given her such a fright. it was stupid to go from friendly whispering to near shouting in the blink of an eye. I'm an idiot sometimes.

She gave me a confused look in response to my inquiry about her children. She wasn't looking directly at me any more. she'd averted her face to stare at the wall blankly. I asked her again in a more reasonable tone. _Yes. I have children..._ she trailed off vaguely. Then her eyes went glassy. I got that sinking feeling in my stomach. I got desperate. All I needed was something_(anything)_ to work with. I was so close. She had been so lucid a second ago.

I grabbed her hands and said _your children Joo Dee, what were their names?_ in an urgent tone. She didn't answer me for a long moment. I ended up taking her by her shoulders and giving her a gentle shake. I hoped a slight shake could snap her out of her languor.

But it was to no avail. When her eyes focussed again, she looked at me like she didn't know me, like we hadn't been swapping proverbs a moments ago. When I asked her about her children again, she gave me that eerie laugh that all the Joo Dees seem to have. She stared empty-eyed at me and said _I think you are mistaken over who I am, dear. I do not have any children. I am your guide, Joo Dee. I am here to assist you in exploring the great city of Ba Sing Se. _

-o-

I didn't give up that easily. I spent _hours_ with this Joo Dee. She had kids somewhere, this Joo Dee. I wanted to see her back with her family so badly. We stayed in the kitchen while I tried everything I knew. I tried all four of the brain stimulating teas we have. I put my healing water on her temples, as if I could somehow soak the memories to the surface. I went through the standard questions three times. I abandoned the standard questions and just kept saying proverbs at her. Nothing worked.

The sun had set and most of the other healers were leaving for the night when Yugoda found me, still with this Joo Dee in the kitchen. Yugoda pursed her lips in disapproval. I got a bit of a scolding for getting obsessive and neglecting all the other Joo Dees in my section. I got a bit defensive. I told Yugoda how much I had gotten out of her at the start and how she had kids and I was_ soo close_. She was a mother – her kids were probably missing her. _**So many **__of these poor women are mothers Katara. You can't play favourites with the Joo Dees because of that. _Yugoda said gently.

I still wanted to stay back and continue working with her, but Yugoda wouldn't let me. She shook her head sadly and said I had already done enough for one day. Ba Sing Se wasn't built in a day and healing a delicate mind couldn't be done in an afternoon. The mind was fragile and I was over-tiring this Joo Dee. I'd done well with her. I should be pleased that I had made some progress with one of them. But now it was time that everybody gets some rest.

-o-

So, I'd had a bad, terrible, no-good day. I did what I always did and went to see Zuko. I had a lame excuse prepared for why I was just turning up on the Jasmine Dragon doorstep at dinnertime all ready, if it was Toph, or Iroh or Jee who answered the door. But fortuitously, none of that was necessary. The others were all there. They had actually left me a note back in the palace saying to come here. So it was easy for me to say _oh yes, got the note!_ without arousing any suspicion at all.

Aang and Ty Lee had wanted to show everyone what Ty Lee had learned with Aang this afternoon. Ty Lee seems in a much better frame of mind about airbending today. Whatever she and Aang talked about last night really helped. She was proud to show us what she had learned to do and wanted to preform with much fanfare. She'd mastered the marble trick! We have all seen the marble trick countless times from Aang – but still everyone _ooohed_ and _aaahed _appreciatively for Ty Lee. I am a bit amused that the very first thing that Aang saw fit to teach Ty Lee was a cute party trick.

Just at that moment, there was a knock at the door. We all turned and gaped at each other foolishly. Everyone we knew was here... Toph sighed and said _it's for me. _She got up and wandered a bit dejectedly over to the door. Behind the door was her mother.

-o-

There was an exchange of greetings while Poppy said hello to each of us in turn. Then there was an awkward silent moment, which was broken by Toph clearing her throat loudly and pointedly, then tapping her foot on the ground. Iroh nodded and then said,_ oh look everyone, I have something to show you all in the courtyard. _In a jovial fashion. So we all awkwardly piled out into the courtyard, to give Toph and her mother some privacy in the main room

Well sort of privacy. The illusion of privacy at least. I mean we were all loitering out the back, trying to listen in. Sokka was getting all fussy over Toph. He didn't like this. Toph's encounters with her mother have always upset her in the past and he was feeling a bit protective. He hates seeing her upset. I didn't like seeing it either. Since Sokka and I are easily **the nosiest **in the group, we were the ones who peered in the window to get a better look at what was going on. If it looked like it was going badly, we would burst in, water-tribe style.

Poppy had been nervously clutching a small wrapped box. When she and Toph had sat down, she thrust the present at Toph, with a small _this is for you darling. _Toph took it apprehensively, and then slowly started to unwrap it. She put her hands in the box and gasped._ It's rocks!_ She cried out happily and beamed at her mother.

Her mother smiled back at said that they weren't just any rocks. They were a collection of precious and semi-precious stones. Some were very rare gems._ I only wanted the best sort of stones for you darling,_ Poppy tittered anxiously, like she was worried that Toph would reject her gift. Toph was looking at her mother is absolute confusion and didn't seem to know quite how to react. Eventually she said_ I don't understand. Why are you giving me rocks?_

Poppy twisted her hands and said that Zuko had told her how talented Toph was at shaping rocks, and she thought it would be nice. Toph might like to try shaping some more genteel materials like gems. But she was sorry if the gems were in appropriate materials for bending. She didn't know much about earthbending, after all. Toph quickly said the gems weren't inappropriate, they were just **a real surprise. **_I thought you hated my bending?_ Toph said, sounding baffled.

Poppy gave a sad sigh at this and stared at her hands. She looked back up and Toph and cupped her cheek and said _I could never hate anything about you Darling Toph. _Then she pulled Toph closer for a big hug. Toph buried her face in her mother's shoulder and Poppy soothed her hair and said softly _I am __**so sorry**__ darling. I really failed you. But failing in love... it's not the same as not loving. I do love you. Please don't ever think I don't. _

Toph snuggled even closer to her mother. We all heard a slightly muffled _I love you too mum _emanate from Poppy's bosom, where Toph had firmly ensconced her face. Oh goodness, was she crying?! Toph so rarely cries! But now she was crying and Poppy was crying. I was feeling a little like having a soppy cry as well. I glanced over at Sokka, and he was definitely moist in the eyes.

He'll deny it fiercely later. He always does. He cried all the way through several sections of the the _Boy in the Iceberg _after all. The inescapable truth is that underneath all his bravado, Sokka is a big sap.

I watched the Toph and her mother cuddle each other and cry happy tears. Poppy was soothing her hair and kissing her forehead and saying she'd always love Toph. This was what Toph had always wanted from her mother. My mother used to do the same thing for me when I was upset. She'd bundle me on her lap and just hold me until all my troubles melted away.

At that thought, something inside me _ached. _It hurt in a bitter sweet way. I was so happy for Toph. But a small part of me was irrevocably saddened. It's just... mum hugs are so comforting. I'll never feel them again.

Poppy collected herself. Then Toph collected herself. Then there was much dignified face wiping. Poppy said _Would you like to show me some of your famed bending? I've never seen you bend properly. I would love to see what you can do. _She pushed the box of rocks closer to Toph again.

Toph ran her hands over the rocks and then asked which two were her mothers favourite rocks. Toph said on second though, her mother should chosen**sturdy ones** that looked **really different. **Her mother thought for a second and then pulled out two sorts of jade. One was a very dark moss green, the other was a milky, almost translucent colour.

Toph held the two rocks in her hands and took a deep breath. She looked very serious, as though this was the most important act of bending she was ever going to do. She put her two hands together and concentrated. When she pulled them apart again, she had fused the rocks together in a most elaborate pattern. The dark and light jade were tightly interwoven to make an exquisite bracelet. Even the best jeweller would have struggled for ages to make something similar.

She handed it to her mother and said shyly _hopefully the contrast in the rocks should make this look really striking. _Poppy took the bracelet from her and held it up close so she could see it better. She gasped, and looked at it from every angle, then turned to Toph and said _this is incredible Toph! _Toph smiled her smuggety smug smile and looked so pleased with herself.

Toph said her mother should put it on, because it was for her. It fit Poppy's wrist perfectly. _Well this is the best gift I have ever gotten darling Toph, _Poppy said as she held her arm out and admired the bracelet. Poppy wrapped her arms around Toph and said _Thank you Toph. __**This is so beautiful.**_

It really was.

* * *

The rambly notes:

Lovely readers! Thank you for reading birds and fish! I hope you enjoyed it. Once again, enormous thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are just amazing! I love all you feedback and comments, so if you have any thoughts/feelings/musings for this chapter let me know!

So the title comes from a _fiddler on the roof _quote that appears in everything! Well not literally everything, but heaps of "forbidden love"* stories had a bit about birds and fish, so I thought I'd give it a nod. The line was in _Ever After_ which was one of my favourite movies as a kid.

* I'm not at all referring to Bryke's "forbidden love" fan-mocking travesty. That gives me the angry-feels.

So I wanted to take a closer look at the secret dynamics of the secret relationship.

Ooh - also the secret relationship is not as secret as Katara and Zuko think. Her flagrant _oh yes I got the note_ lies were not as subtle as she assumes here. Someone had caught on.

Anyway, I do think that in many respects, what the Dowager says about birds and fish and secret relationships is true. It is very hard for secret relationships to last long-term. Normally they either become public or end. They rarely continue in indefinite secrecy because the secrecy in itself implies that the couple feel shame over the relationship. Zuko and Katara's reason for secrecy is not shame, but fear of social/political repercussions, so its a different kettle of fish really, but the Dowager's words about secret relationships always imploding will eat away at both of them.

Toph made up with her mother this chapter – because I love the Bei Fong ladies and want them to get along. Mai's words did really affect Poppy. I think that the rock present was the best way that Poppy knew that she could **really show** that she loved Toph and was willing to accept her as she was, earthbending abilities and all. The mother/daughter moment between the Bei Fongs would have been especially bittersweet for Katara.

Katara is unconsciously really desiring a mother figure in this chapter. She's got so much on her plate. She really wants a mum hug and some mum advice. She's had to **be her own mother **for so long. It's why she really opens up to the motherly Joo Dee who comforted her in the kitchen. She goes above and beyond her duties with this Joo Dee, not just because she is a good and compassionate person who wants to see her back with her kids, but it's also a tiny bit because it has been so long since someone fussed over Katara, worried about her getting enough sleep and _tsked_ her.

Some of my wily readers may have picked up on clues as to where I think Ursa is in this chapter...and will be **very cross **at me accordingly. Sorry lovelies! I can explain...just not here.

So Ty Lee didn't initially take the news that she was an Airnomad well and reacted badly out of shock. The _shag her sisters _comment is a nod to what I think would be the most obvious FN propaganda line. I think it would be such an easy assumption to exploit, propaganda wise. If you wanted to demonise a people, painting them as sexually abnormal and incestuous is a very direct way to go about it.

Whenever people read about how the airnomads procreated, thoughts always seem to turn to accidental incest.I thought it when I first read it, and when I first brought it up here, heaps of reviews went _eeeewwww possible incest._ Nobody **wants** to think about it, but it seems that is just where our brains go. I am rather sure that the Airnomads must have had a system to prevent incest (or at least I really hope they did)...but still, **incest hits everybody's squick button. **

But Aang would have cleared a few things up for her (_no, nothing like that. We believed in free love, but._..) and Ty Lee would have put her foot down about a the things she feels strongly about. (_You're not free loving me okay – just because we're the last two. I'm not going to marry you just so we can procreate your race...) _Aang would have told her about how the airnomads wouldn't have agreed with that anyway, as there was no institution of marriage, no big emphasis on fidelity and exclusivity. A lack of emphasis on exclusivity would have been music to Ty Lee's ears.

Ty Lee wants to **partake of the varied buffet of life and sample all the dishes**! Sometimes she likes to sample many dishes at once, and that is cool. I actually think that she would not be opposed to a _love all equally but not exclusively/ try to love everything as best you can/ try and see beauty and simple joy all around you – yes you can have an many boyfriends as you want and not be tied down to them _style of philosophy. Or at least, that would be her main interpretation of Aang's quick explanation of Airnomad teachings. She starts to see that being an airbender might not be so bad. Anyway, I am planning on writing this Aang/Ty Lee scene out into a one-shot, because I have lots of lovely philosophical dialogue planned between out two favourite airheads.

So I love Iroh and Hakoda and I have a shameless desire to see them be drinking buddies. I think they'd also have really great drunken, philosophical chats about life the universe and everything. And they'd over share about their kids. That's a given.

Also you cannot force Zuko to relax. I think it's hard to force Zuko to do anything, because he's mega stubborn. But I could just see Katara getting all bossy and trying to _make_ him relax and the whole thing degenerating into sweaty wrestling. This was just because I thought it would be cute and because I think it is healthy for Katara to be with someone who just doesn't capitulate to her all the time.

I think Zuko's touched by her concern, but he doesn't really see the necessity for a big concentration on relaxation. He's not a day spa/massages/yoga kind of guy. He actually finds time with Katara just relaxing enough on its own. He doesn't need all the extra relaxing bells and whistles. I think that the simple affection and mutual support that he feels in this relationship with Katara has would be such a rare and wonderful thing for him. It's the best destresser he knows.

What Zuko really needs more than a massage, is to feel a bit more safe and secure in his support network. He's still quite new to having a support network beyond his Uncle, who was very reticent in season 1, compared to his behaviour in season 3. I think for those years at sea, Uncle was not a super demonstrative support figure. Uncle_ cared,_ obviously, but he often did not approve and he rarely praised. Why else is Zuko so surprised every time his uncle praises him in season 1? Anyway, Zuko very clearly craves affection and approval. While it's not bad to need these things, he would have had it drummed into him that needing them is a weakness. So he's not very good at showing he needs these things and it gets him all muddled.

I think one of the biggest problems with Maiko was just that Mai is not affectionate (not her fault BTW, that's just who she is). Zuko needed demonstrations of love from her to feel secure in that relationship, but demonstrating affection clearly makes Mai uncomfortable. This fundamental difference in their characters lead to all manner of disagreements and misunderstandings.

But Katara is just an big ball of cuddly affection. She's the human version of Fufu-Cuddlypoops. She would give affection and approval without reservation. She would help fill something that has been a fundamental lack for most of his life. He can need her affection more openly, because she doesn't withhold it from him at all.

I think that Zuko and Katara would come to rely on each other, but both would secretly worry about feeling this heavy reliance on another person. Like Katara, Zuko is also really independent and would be reluctant to need anyone too much (for similar **abandonment issues **related reasons). It was good for both of them to hear that the other person needed them too. Acknowledging what they do/mean for each other helps to assuage some fears about dependency and abandonment.

It was not_ I love you_ time yet. But I feel like_ you make me really happy _would be just as meaningful for Zuko as an_ I love you_. Mostly because I see Zuko as having more of an _ask not what your Katara can do for you, ask what you can do for your Katara* _approach to his relationship with Katara.

*apologies to JFK and any history students out there. If it helps, I think that Zuko feels the same way about his country.

Anyway, I think Zuko and Katara are both more "givers" than "takers". Zuko wants to give to her, because he is getting **so much** from their relationship. He knows he's a difficult person to get along with, and he feels like he wasn't a good boyfriend to Mai. He would be very unsure about what Katara even sees in him.

Her declaration that he makes her happy would be extremely validating. Lets face it, I don't think anyone else would have ever said this to Zuko. He tried to make so many other people happy, and never felt like he succeeding in this - his father...well his whole family, and especially Mai in a romantic context. Maybe he did, but gosh we never _see_ it at all, and I doubt Zuko would either.

Happiness is such a simple need. Making Katara happy is all he wants to do for her and now he knows he's _succeeding _at doing that. Yay success. Also he can _see_ that he makes her happy, because she is so much more demonstrative with her feelings. He can _see_ clearly that being with him is a positive and happy experience for Katara, and that she is getting something equally as good out of this relationship.

Things get a lot more physically affectionate between the two of them in this chapter as a result of the fact that both of them are feeling much more safe and secure in their relationship at that moment...also because they are horny teenagers with motive and opportunity.

I also got to poke some fun at my own story and how I had them fancy each other for _aaaaages_ and _aaages _and_ aaages _and nothing happened. Most of the dialogue from that segement was taken for a ZM month drabble, which some of my clever readers easily ascertained would be included here.

Anyway, the spanner in the works, or the iceberg up ahead was the conversation between the Dowager and Arnook. The Dowager and Arnook for me represent "the old order" or what the world was like before the war...even more so that Aang who actually came from that time period. Both lived lives of relative peace, safe behind their walls. Both long for a "simple time."They both cling to and defend their nations traditions.

But they are both true to their elements. Arnook, being from the water tribe, can adapt and change. He has a strong sense of what his community needs and what he has to do to keep them together. He is very passionate about families being good to one another. The loss of Yue would have been a terrible blow to him, and he is still grieving. He sorely regrets his treatment of her when she was alive. He is trying his best to listen to his daughter's wishes in a way that he didn't when she was alive. When Yue visited him on halloween, she asked him to try and been less angry about her death and instead work much more conscientiously for peace, so that she would not have died in vain. Arnook can adjust to the world.

The Dowager on the other hand wants to the world to adjust to her. She is steadfast and immovable. She believes in battening down the hatches. She knows she can weather any storm. Her uncompromising opinion on Kuei and his love for Song is not uncommon for parents who feel that their child loves someone unworthy of them and their affections.

She also thinks that this is peasant loving habit of Kuei's is a passing fancy. It is what he _wants now,_ but the dowager knows that what people want can shift with the breeze. She thinks that you can't steer your life or a country by what you want – as that is changeable. Instead, you should stick to what you know to be true, and the centuries old traditions that have been passed down.

Their conversation centres about the improbability of Kuei's love, the difficulties involved in both a secret relationship and loving someone from a very different culture/class. The Dowager assume sit is the nature of all secret relationships to implode and this will have repercussions for our dynamic duo – but you will have to wait till next chapter to see what they are.

Next chapter, our dynamic duo will have a heated discussion, Song will return, Jet will be annoying, but also strangely insightful, and Aang will come to a decision. And shenanigans will ensue.

Til then lovely readers...


	24. Sugar and Spice

-o-o-o-o-o-

Sugar and Spice.

-o-o-o-o-o-

There was much rejoicing at Toph and Poppy getting along better. This good feeling went with the already prevalent celebration over Ty Lee learning the marble trick. Poppy was formally invited to dinner by Iroh (who embellished the art of invitation with many flourishes). Ty Lee did the marble trick again, for everyone's amusement. Then Sokka dared her to try doing it with boomerang.

This was a mistake.

Shenanigans ensued.

Many things got broken.

Iroh said he didn't mind (they weren't even nice teapots anyway.) After the melee and during the clean up, Zuko and I had a quick and sneaky exchange in gestures and arranged to meet up in the park later (where I am sure much fun will be had by all.)

-o-

After the night had wound down, I went back to the palace with the others. Then I waited a few minutes. I'm getting really quite good at sneaking in and out of the water tribe section. I went to the park to wait for Zuko.

Then I waited...and waited...and waited.

Then I got a bit pissed off.

Then I got anxious...I thought I had been _very clear_ and he smiled at me like he totally understood what I was getting at. But maybe he had misunderstood? Or maybe he had been accosted by an evil group of evil people...Just as I was starting to come up with catastrophes in my head, he appeared, running full pelt around the corner. He was most apologetic about being ridiculously late. And slightly out of breath.

He'd apparently escorted Toph and her mum back to their house with his Uncle. Toph had decided to spend tonight with her parents again, so that she and her mother could like braid each other's hair or whatever Earth Kingdom fancy-pants mothers and daughters do together. Zuko had opted to walk with them, under the guise of "wanting to go for a walk already." (It's getting harder for him to come up with lame excuses for Iroh and Toph. "going for a walk" is his standard lame excuse at the moment.) But then Uncle ruined the lame excuse and also decided that he would quite like an evening stroll too.

During the walk home, Toph had apparently started with the 20 questions of doom. (_Why are you going walking? Where are you walking to? You've never shown an interest in taking an evening stroll before, but you've walked every night this week. What's up with that? Are you worried about getting fat? No? Oh, it's just that you eat so many fireflakes...what! I'm just saying...Well is there any other reason you're going for a walk?_ Etc). She was most annoying and inquisitive. Zuko has now "confessed" that he was worried about getting fat. It **seemed **like the easiest option at the time.

Toph found this most amusing and took to teasing him about going on a fireflake free diet. Her teasing was cut short by her mother, who horrifyingly suggested that Toph** also take up walks. **The conversation veered into dangerous territory here. Toph was most disgruntled. (_What are you trying to say mum? Are you calling me fat? _Etc) Poppy backpedalled faster than Zuko thought was humanely possible. She wasn't ever suggesting that Toph was getting fat. Not at all. It was just that walking was a genteel sort of sport that _ladies _(and firelords who are watching their figure) can do with impunity. But it wasn't proper for a woman to walk alone. Perhaps Toph could accompany Zuko on his walks?

Oh hell no!

We get so little time to canoodle as it is.

Look, I love Toph, but I do not want her coming with us on "walks".

I got a bit worried about what Zuko had said in response. Apparently there was a blathering sort of exclamation about how he was not doing** that sort of walking**. He was doing the sort of walking that could only be done solo. He did the solitary stroll. He ambled alone. Uncle came to his defense here and chipped in a few metaphors. Uncle claimed that "walking alone" was a "firebender thing".

Zuko was initially grateful for this unexpected back-up. But then Uncle became the great shakeable thing. Uncle refused to go home and sleep like a normal person. No, he wanted to "be a _cool_ Uncle" and "hang out" with Zuko, just the two of them, for some family bonding – because they rarely get to spend time just the two of them any more. They _never got to talk_.

Uncle was playing the guilt card. This is the exact same card my dad plays whenever he wants to have bonding time. I know it well. In fact, I worry that Iroh's sudden desire to be "a _cool _Uncle" might be a direct result of prolonged exposure to my dad, who frequently says "I'm a _cool _Dad, I think we should_ hang _out." The enforced family bonding time and playing the guilt card are also right out of the Hakoda Handbook.

I knew nothing good could come from Iroh and Dad being all chummy!

Oh spirits - I just had a horrifying thought.

So Iroh's acting more like my Dad...what happens if my Dad starts acting more like Iroh.

What if Dad starts flirting with every woman he passes...What if he's _successful? _Oh no! What if he tells us about it? What if, like Iroh, he starts telling stories that start with "You know, when I was a younger man, there were these twins..." I just...I think that might make my mind collapse on itself and kill me. I can't know things like that about my Dad.

Zuko said it doesn't kill you. It's just really really gross to hear, but you have to listen anyway, because if you don't listen, you get told the story again – especially if said story is "a good one". Mostly it ruins seemingly non-sexual things for you (because you then know that they have been used in _dirty, tawdry acts_ and you cannot ever shake that knowledge no matter how hard you try).

Knowing his Uncle's stories has ruined the following things for Zuko: Boots, libraries, amusingly large hats, curtains, silk scarves, steak cut into the shape of a fish, cream, belts, helmets, carrots, the question " If I said you had a beautiful body – would you hold it against me?" and the complete eighteen volume set of the _Encyclopedia Firenationnia, _especially_ book VI, Erupting Volcanoes and Fertile Valleys: The Geography of Our Lands. _

Oh my goodness! All those items... at once? I can't even think of...

Anyway... moving on.

The guilt card worked like a treat on Zuko, who feels endlessly guilty about many things re: his treatment of his Uncle. Agreeing to tea was the only way to shake the great unshakeable thing. So they had to have friggin tea and family bonding, while Uncle blathered on about finding the dragons, caves, the dark of the moon, the balance of the spirits and listening to the universe.

There was all sorts of philosophical stuff going on in this conversation.

Zuko knew he was meant to "learning something valuable" from this conversation, but he was completely baffled over what this lesson was. After an unending stream of metaphors and proverbs Zuko feigned digestive distress (from all the fireflakes that are going to make him so fat) in a last ditch effort to escape the conversation. He popped the window in the bathroom and ran over here.

-o-

We lay in the grass for a while, just kissing, getting a bit handsy and looking at the stars. It was a clear night and the sky was that really deep dark blue. There was a slight chill in the air tonight. You can tell winter's coming on. Luckily I bought my own firebender to keep me warm.

I was feeling a bit melancholy over my day. Zuko could tell I was feeling a bit down and asked me what was wrong. I blathered about my terrible, no-fun day. It had felt so futile. All those women I couldn't help. Really trying with that Joo Dee in the kitchen and getting nothing out of her. How Yugoda had gotten so cross at me for playing favourites with her when all the women needed help. Zuko said I was being too hard on myself. I was trying my best at a really difficult job and I couldn't do any more than my best. Then he shook his head and said_ it's just working all day with the Joo dees. I don't even know how you do it. They creep me out so hardcore. _All that brainwashing, being used by the Dai Li. Not even knowing who they were or their own families. Zuko couldn't imagine anything more awful.

I could.

There had been a terrible thought bubbling at the back of my mind all day. I didn't want to acknowledge it because it was just to dark and dreadful. I didn't want to be the one to have to vocalise something so horrible. But when Zuko said that, my terrible thought came to the surface again and I couldn't ignore it any longer.

It's his mum, you see. He doesn't know what happened to her or whether his Dad was telling the truth or even if she's alive or dead. I want to make it better for him, but I don't know how. We've both lost our mothers. But it's different for me. I know exactly what happened to my wonderful mother. I don't have to wonder. _Not knowing_ is a totally different sort of awful.

I've been wishing and hoping that she's alive and he'll find her again. I just want that so much for him. I thought that if she was alive, she'd come back after the war. I thought surely she'd try to find him again, now that it was safe. Surely she would. What mother wouldn't? I couldn't imagine what kept her. Why she didn't, at the very least, write to him.

But what if she was still alive and the only reason she hadn't contacted him was because she couldn't. Because she _didn't know. _There are hundreds of long term Joo Dees, maybe thousands. I don't know the exact numbers. But I know there are a lot of women there who don't know who they are, who have families who miss them, who have kids they can't even remember.

It made a tragic and horrible sort of sense.

I voiced this theory.

And there was drama!

Canoodle time abruptly ended. Zuko made a horrified face and then rolled away and stood up almost instantly. Full-on stubborn pose, arms crossed with a grumpy face. He said there was just no way I could be right. I was totally wrong. I wanted me to be wrong too – it's just too awful. But it is a possibility that I thought he should at least consider. I tried to argue my point.

He got a bit stroppy with me. He explained the various reasons why he was sure I was wrong with much hand-waving and grumpiness. Mostly it came down to the fact that there was absolutely no record of his mum leaving the firenation (he'd checked, of course he'd checked). The firenation are a uber-paranoid about everything, but especially border security. They have a permanent naval blockade around the nation (just in case). All immigration is strictly monitored and all the ships have to go through the blockade to be inspected. If his mum had tried to leave on a passenger ship, there'd be some record of it. She have a hard time going unnoticed because she had such a recognisable face. Zuko didn't think she'd ever left the firenation. He was sure there was no way she'd have made it to Ba Sing Se.

I still thought that he should come with me to work tomorrow and just check. He wasn't having it. He said that if he had to spend a morning meeting hundreds (maybe thousands) of blank faced women who had their minds wiped so that they could be _used _by the Dai Li, on the off chance one of them was his mum – then he'd **just never get over it.** Regardless of whatever happened to his mum, if he had to spend that much time with the Joo Dees he'd never be able to look at Kuei or the Dowager or any high ranking earth kingdom official without bitter contempt ever again. They let that happen. In their own city. To their own people. They'd let the Joo Dees _slide._ That was** not okay** in Zuko's book.

It's not okay in my book either, but I wasn't saying it was okay. I was just asking him to come and visit the Joo Dees with me. He got cross at me for _forcing_ it. He'd told me** no,** so in his mind, I should just drop it. But I couldn't. _Why you don't want to investigate?_ I'd asked softly.

Stupid, stupid, stupid thing to say.

His back stiffened and his whole posture changed and he took a big step back from me. It was like that night on the beach after I found out about how he got his scar. I kept pushing and pushing until I'd pushed too far that night. I'd done it again.

He pushed back. He ranted back at me angrily. _You think I don't want to!If I could, I would just say __**screw everything,**__ I'd abandon all my duties and do __**nothing but look for her. **__If I started now, I know I would get __**so obsessed **__with this that it would __**destroy **__me okay – so I'm trying to leave it be for now. Looking for my mother has to wait until the firenation is stable. My country is a mess and I have to focus on that first, but it is still __**really hard**__ for me, so you know... don't make it harder. _

Make it harder? I didn't want to do that at all. I thought I was helping. I only wanted to help. I didn't want to be fighting with him, not over this of all things. I felt so terrible for pushing (again!) I hadn't thought it through. I knew more than I did than night on the beach, and I decided to back right off with an apologetic _Sorry, I didn't know. _He still had his arms crossed and was standing a short distance from me, but he seemed mollified by my apology. He gave a short shrug and said _well, now you know _simply.

I took a step closer and laid my hands over those crossed arms. He didn't shrug me off or push me away, so I got bolder. I put both my hands of his cheeks, cupping his grumpy face and making him look at me. _Listen, I didn't mean anything by that. I just...what Toph had tonight, with her mother...I just want that for you so much. But I felt like if I could find your mum, if we could find her__** together**__, then you know..._I said, hesitantly, trying to make him understand. I hadn't brought it up to hurt him or to have a big fight with him. It's just that... He'd told me that coming with me to face Yon Rha had been good for him. He'd said he felt like he'd never know, or get justice for whatever had happened to his mother, but helping me get justice for my mother had... helped him. It's the same for me really, I'll never get to see my mother ever again, but if Zuko got to see his... he nodded. He got the picture. He knew what I was trying to say.

He leaned further into my touch. I'd had one hand just by his right ear, toying with the hair there, stroking softly. He liked that. So I started running hands through his hair, in that way I know he loves. He sighed deeply and uncrossed his arms and looked me right in the face and murmured _You know, when we went to go find Yon Rha together I wasn't sure what you were going to do, but I knew that I'd support whatever you decided...because it was __**your**__ mum he killed so it had to be __**your**__ choice. Well this is __**my**__ mum...so you've got to let me handle this my own way. Okay?_

I told him that when it came to this, I'd follow his lead and support whatever he decided. I'd do whatever he needed, even if all he needed was more me to do nothing and not mention it. Whatever he needed, I'd be there. His arms, which had been hanging loosely at his sides while I spoke, came around my waist then. He pulled me close to him, and I leaned up to kiss him again properly.

I tried to pour into that kiss everything I was feeling; all my love, all my hopes, all the things I wanted for him. He kissed me back with equal passion. Making up after an argument is a million times better now that we're kissing. You can say a lot with the way you kiss. Kissing this way seemed to make everything alright between us.

-o-

So the next day at work was better for me. Yugoda had transferred me back to the short-term Joo Dee section, because she knew yesterday had not been a terrible,awful, no-good day for me. She thought my talents would be better utilised with the short-term sufferers. There was a much better success rate with these Joo Dees and I already had a great record with helping them.

I said I didn't mind working with the long term women. I'd wanted to have another go with the Joo Dee in the kitchen. Yugoda said no. I had gotten too attached yesterday. I'd taken my lack of progress with the other long term Joo Dees** so hard,** that I stopped thinking clearly. I released that Yugoda wasn't actually _suggesting _that I work with the short term patients. Her decision had already been made. At first I was a bit miffed, because I thought she was making out that I was incompetent and unable to treat the long term sufferers. But then I could see why Yugoda did it. She was just looking out for me, in her own way. Treating the short term Joo Dees didn't make me cry in the kitchen in bitter futility. It didn't make me feel like I was a crappy doctor... a complete failure.

I had success with the he first Joo Dee I worked with, and the second. That just warmed my heart, lifted my spirits and all my bad feelings towards Yugoda melted away. She was right, I had needed this. We all need little victories here and there.

The third Joo Dee I had some success with gave me an idea. Her name was actually Chun, she was from the 17th district. She had worked as a gardener in the public gardens. I had taken Chun to the gardens at the palace, because the first thing she remembered was a love of plants. She remembered her home address and her mother's name (I helped her remember all that). Her mother was sent for.

As I walked Chun back, a splash of red caught my eye. A small bush had red chillies growing on it in abundance. Since she was a gardener and knew a bit about plants, I asked her about them. Were they edible? _Hardly – they're stupidly spicy. It'll taste like your whole mouth is on fire _Chun had said with a disdainful sniff. Evidently she didn't like the taste of her whole mouth on fire. But I knew someone who did.

Okay, so back that Western Air Temple and in Ember Island, any exchange of food between Zuko and I was viewed with the deepest suspicion by Sokka and my Dad. All the male members in my family think through their stomachs and associate food with love. At the time, I'd gone all _boo – silly menfolk! There is no emotion attached to this snack at all! _(Perhaps they had been onto something, because in hindsight, there was a fair bit of feeling attached to our snacky exchanges).

Sokka and Dad's **thinking with their stomach** mentality must have rubbed off on me – because now I agree that food is a perfectly legitimate way to show love. Zuko's been complaining for ages that the food here is so bland. He's nearly out of fireflakes he bought with him. Next time we go on holidays, I'm going to bring an emergency stash of fireflakes, just in case.

See Zuko loves everything super spicy and/or covered in sugar (that's why sweet chilli is his favourite). He'd been on my mind all morning, especially because of last night. I wanted to do something **really nice** for him, completely out of the blue. Something he'd like. Something that would make him smile. Something that would say, for a random example _I love you even if you like things ridiculously spicy and I know you are probably going to eat all these in one go and then you'll taste like a spice bomb when I kiss you but I don't even care. _Okay, a gift wouldn't say it in those **exact** words...but they would be heavily implied by the chillies.

-o-

So I took lunch when I knew the peace meetings would be on break. They were having "refreshments" in one of the big reception halls. Zuko was standing with Toph, Jee and his Uncle in one of the corners. I crept around and pressed myself up against the window nearest to where they were. When the coast was clear, I sent out a little water drop and splashed Zuko in the neck with it to get his attention, but not arouse the suspicion of the others.

He whipped around and saw me. I gestured for him to come outside and join me. He gestured at Toph, Jee and Iroh and made a face that said _I'm kind of stuck here now._ I made what I felt was a **very persuasive** series of gestures. It worked. A lame excuse was made. A moment later he appeared around the corner.

He was looking so fit right then, that I just got the most compulsive urge to just kiss him. We couldn't because it was broad daylight. Everyone was just in the next room and someone might see. It was a very frustrating experience actually, having him so close and not being able to touch him.

He was a bit worried. I've not previously sought him out at the peace meetings, so he thought that something was wrong. I assured him that nothing was wrong. He looked a bit relieved and said was good because he didn't have much time, he had just told Uncle, Toph and Jee that he was going to the toilet. (His usual "going for a walk" excuse wouldn't cut it right now). I felt a bit silly for pulling him out over something so trivial. Just because I missed him and I had a little present for him. I said if he needed to go back, he should. I'd always see him later. _Nah, it's fine. We still have a couple of minutes. My uncle still thinks I'm having gastric problems from last night. _

Sometimes I worry that Zuko and Iroh don't have a single conversation that doesn't involve at least one bout of **too much information. **However with gastric problems as an excuse, I'd have enough time to give him my little present.

I told him I had a surprise for him. He made a sceptical face and said _you know how I feel about surprises. _I told him he'd like this one and gave him the little paper bag. I hadn't had time to wrap it all fancy or anything, but it's still **the thought that counts.** He opened the bag and gave me a perplexed look._ You got me chillies?_

_They're meant to be __**stupidly spicy. **__I saw them growing in the medicinal garden and thought of you. _He was still giving me a perplexed look, like he was trying to decide if I was taking the piss or making fun of him. I guess I had just said that I'd seen something I thought was stupid and it reminded me of him. I could see why he would unsure about how to take that.

I launched into an ill-advised blithering clarification _I mean they reminded me of you because they're spicy and you like spicy things. Not because they're stupid. Because you're not stupid. And I wasn't calling you stupid. _Oh mouth, why do you say these things! He was still looking bemused and said _Err... thanks?_ Which I guess is the best response I could hope for, considering what I just said.

I got a bit worried that this was a lame gift and he hated it, but he quickly assured me that he didn't hate it at all. He loved it. He'd run out of fireflakes this morning. He'd eaten more than he usually did, because Toph was teasing him about being _on a diet_ and not being allowed fireflakes if he was watching his weight. To Zuko it seemed like the sensible option to eat an arsetonne of fireflakes right in front of her to**prove a point.** That point being: **you are not the boss of me. **(I think he even said _you are not the boss of m_e to Toph at one point.) after his point was proven, he'd felt fireflake regret. He'd exhausted his supplyand was worried that he'd have nothing but bland food until he got back home. But my gift of chillies was perfect. How had I even known?

I was about to say something very witty and mysterious (eg _I have my ways_) but right then, my stomach grumbled audibly. I hadn't had lunch yet. I said I could pick something up in the hospital kitchen when I got back. Zuko said he'd get me something here. He didn't want me going hungry. The refreshments trays were always piled high with deliciousness and he knew which window they were near. We walked to that window. Zuko's tall enough to reach his hand in up and pilfer whatever was closest to the ledge. It was custard buns. They were delicious.

I asked him how it was going in the peace meetings. I feel a bit out of the loop. I'm the only one in the group who doesn't attend the main meetings. He started telling me about how they'd nearly got a good armistice agreement worked out and he was so glad. As soon as the armistice was signed, we could all get out of this terrible city. Zuko said he'd never thought he'd been more happy to leave a place in his life.

I felt a thrill of apprehension. I mean I'd be happy to get out of Ba Sing Se too, but we'd be going back to the firenation. I don't know how easy it will be to keep** us **secret in the firenation. There's been a lot of other things going on in Ba Sing Se, and it's been easier for us to sneak around together. We've got a** routine down** here. But back in the firenation, everyone is so interested in everything Zuko does (understandable, he is their new leader after all). That will make it so much harder to continue being so secretive when we're under that much scrutiny.

I voiced a bit of this apprehension. With the peace conference ending so soon, I thought it was something we should talk about. I asked along the lines of _you know back in the firenation – how's __**this**__ going to work? _He gave me little smile and said, really seriously, that it would work because _we'd make it work. _Sure it would be harder, but we'd find a way to make it work.

And you know what? He's right. (I said as much and he looked really pleased. Mostly because I rarely say he's right.) We can definitely make this work. The Dowager is**just plain wrong** about secret relationships imploding. I can't believe I got so worried about that. Zuko and I aren't going to implode, just because birds and fish can't be together. We're not birds and fish. We're us. And that makes all the difference.

We were already standing fairly close and talking really softly, and I wanted to kiss him so badly right then, that I was leaning in before I'd even noticed it. Then I heard someone clear their throat loudly behind us and a voice say _Is this what you two get up to when I'm not around? _

_-o-_

We whirled around to see Toph standing there, one hand on her hip, the other pointing to us in an accusatory fashion, and a wry smile on her face. Zuko and I exchanged faces of equal alarm. Sweet Bouncing Bollocks! We'd been sprung.

_Eating custard buns in secret! _Toph continued, in a teasing tone with a faux-dissapproving shake of her head. _And not offering to share them! _She said this like not sharing custard buns was a dastardly crime worthy of dire punishment. She wandered over and asked if Zuko could pilfer her some as well.

Phew!

She obviously hadn't felt anything thing she felt was untoward. Toph would have never been able to restrain herself from**teasing the two of us forever **if she had the slightest inkling of what we were getting up to. If only she knew! She would be beyond smug! She would be the smuggest person from Smugtown, Smugmania.

I've never seen Zuko's face so relieved in my life. He reached up and grabbed a few custard buns and handed them to Toph good naturedly. He said incredulously that he couldn't believe she was just looking for custard buns. _I was looking for you too._ Toph said to Zuko, in between mouthfuls, inadvertently spraying him with icing sugar. Zuko and I exchanged worried looks again, before he asked, _why were you looking for me? _Toph said she'd been worried that Zuko had **gotten lost **on his way to the toilet. He'd been gone ages and ages and ages. Zuko looked mortified.

He hates discussions of bodily functions, especially his own (but _oh_ how these discussions have marred his days lately). He certainly didn't appreciate anyone remarking on the duration of his toilet visits (no matter how imaginary). But that had been the excuse he'd used and now he was kind of locked into it. He rubbed the back of his neck bashfully, and mumbled something about having**stuff to do...** in there.

Toph eyes widened and she said with dawning comprehension _oh right! Uncle told me about your gastric problems. Perhaps Katara can help you with those? Why don't you tell her about them? _Toph said helpfully. Toph turned to me then and seemed a bit confused and asked what I was even doing here, eating custard buns. Wasn't I meant to be with the Joo Dees all day?

And then it was my turn to be put on the spot. My brain was horrifyingly blank for a few moments while I searched for an excuse. What could possibly explain me being so far away from where I was meant to be? (The Joo Dee's are kept on the opposite side of the Palace and it was a fair old walk to get here). What I ended up saying was _Err...well...maybe one escaped and I'm just looking for her. _See, it's technically not a lie because I said _maybe. _I thought I was being rather clever actually and that was a good excuse

But Toph was giving me an odd look. She said _wait... are you telling me you gave up looking for her just to eat custard buns with Zuko?_ Oh bollocks! She'd found the hole it my story and poked her finger right through it. She sounded quite incredulous. Abandoning a lost, mentally incapacitated woman just to eat custard buns did not sound like me at all. My brain scrambled for a reply and I ended up blathering about how I had seen Zuko over by the custard buns and I was feeling hungry because _maybe_ I have been looking for my Joo Dee for ages. I was just getting some custard buns_ for the road_.

Toph seemed convinced. She stopped asking about my Joo Dee at least, and also expressed an interested in acquiring some custard buns for the road. Zuko got down a handful and divided them amongst the three of us. Toph eyed Zuko's handful greedily, and then got a wily look on her face. _Are you__** really**__ going to eat those? _She said with a disdainful sniff, just as he took a bite. Zuko got a bit defensive and asked what was wrong with him eating them. _Just you shouldn't be eating anything with custard in it, what with your crazy gastric problems and that diet you're on. _Toph said knowingly._ I'll help you if you like, I don't mind taking all those custard buns off your hands. _Toph offered pleasantly.

Zuko looked at the half eaten bun in his hand, then to Toph's self-satisfied face, then back to the bun. A decision was reached. He smushed the bun in her face playfully. There was a splat and custard went everywhere. Toph wiped the custard off her face and glared at Zuko with a great deal of surprise and indignation. He grinned back at her cheekily and said _thanks for the offer Toph. I appreciate it. _

Custard related shenanigans ensued.

-o-

Long, rambly and mostly Ursa related notes:

lovely wonderful readers!

Thank you for being so very patient! You know I have nothing but love for you all! I've actually been on holidays without telling you all! Sorry, I know I normally give a heads up when a chapterless drought is coming up. I was planning on posting a much longer chapter before I left, with Song coming back and related shenanigans (of course), but I only got this far before I flew out. So I'll be posting this chapter in two halves. I'm putting up what I had so far for the chapter, so you guys didn't have to wait for an update any longer. But that's why this chapter is a fair bit shorter than usual.

Once again, enormous thank you to all my wonderful reviewers who rock my socks and put a smile on my dial. So there was much speculation about Ursa in the reviews and a few of you very rightly predicted that this discovery would lead to intense drama...which I have tried to subtly push to the back burner. (Feel free to think _Boo you! I want Zuko to find his mum noooow). _

Reasons for this: I have a good idea for what I want to do in a reunion fic between Ursa and her kids. It would be set a little while after this fic ends and would let me explore this a bit more deeply. There's only a few more chapters left to go of the stalking series and there's not the time or the space to explore all Ursa related issues left in these few chapters. Ursa related stuff would be especially tricky to write solely from Katara's perspective. I honestly think that Ursa's story deserves its own space, rather then being tacked on the end of my behemoth of a story.

Also it's just _too much. _It would be too much for Zuko I think. Those of you who predicted that finding his mother like this would just break his heart are spot on – I completely agree and I don't want to do it to him. (Haven't I done enough to the poor guy? I foist Jet on him all the time, after all.) Finding his mother after all these years, brainwashed and unable to remember him (yet) as well as _everything else _that came with being a Joo Dee... that's just too horrible. If he had taken Katara's suggestion, and found Ursa like that, I think that it would make him hate the Earth Kingdom too much to be fair to them in the peace negotiations. And that would take my story to a sad and bleak place. I don't like the sad and bleak place.

So anyway, rest assured that Zuko will find his mum in this series/my head canon. He'll just find her in the future...under better and less soul-crushing circumstances. In a fic not written from Katara's first person POV.

I guess the reason I brought Ursa up in the first place was mostly because I think that if you're still reading this work, then you've been following this series for a fair old while, then you really deserve to know. Ursa's mysterious whereabouts is the biggest canon mystery. Bryke have been dangling that question in front of fans for ages. I thought "the official answer" would come out in Korra actually. I was kind of waiting for that, to see if I could build it into this story...but no dice.

I didn't want to hold out on you guys any longer.

Anyway, Ursa being with the Joo Dees make the most sense to me, because I can't see anything less preventing her from either finding Zuko or at least her whereabouts being discovered. YMMV absolutely. I want her to be alive, but I'm not into the the theory about Ozai carefully hiding her in some clandestine firenation prison/insane asylum. That theory does not gel with me. She is an exceptionally public figure. It is much harder to "disappear" public figures unless you murder them or they are co-operating with you. I just can't see Ursa co-operating in her "disappearance"– especially after what Ozai did to Zuko. There would be a barrage of**Mama-bear rage **heading Ozai's way after that public spectacle of abusive parenting, _thank-you-very-much._

Ursa as a public figure, would have had resources and options open to her. People would know exactly who she was – Ozai ruled by fear, but he didn't have the hearts and minds of the people. Her jailers would recognise her and know her royal status. There would be people looking for her. She would have very valuable information of the inner workings of Ozai (the current firelord). I think she's a fairly competent firebender and very clever tactician. Azula may get her ruthless streak from her father, but I think she gets her calculating, tactical eye from her mother. Ozai's not a real brains trust in that department. Ursa's also exceptionally attractive and I imagine she could be quite charming. I'm sure she would have been able to make use of all those skills and resources.

I also don't think she's a known prisoner of the Earth Kingdom. 1) they would not keep that secret. The Earth Kingdom has a serious morale problem in fighting the firenation – if she had been caught before the end of the war, I can't see the army outside of Ba Sing Se keeping that on the downlow. A sort of "they may have taken our Earthbenders, but we've got their princess" sort of thing. I could see them trying to use her as a bargaining chip against Ozai. If Ursa were a POW in the EK I don't think it is the sort of thing that would be kept secret. However, even if it was kept secret during the war, that sort of thing would come out in peace negotiations (because there would be absolutely nothing to gain from keeping it a secret). In my head canon, the Dai Li didn't know who she was when they nabbed her. Ursa would have been travelling under a different/peasant identity at the time.

Note: Zuko dismisses the possibility of his mother stowing away and ending up in Ba Sing Se because he doesn't know about her extensive skill set. I like to think she had a fair bit of badassery in her (but I don't think she had much cause to use these skills in front of her kids). I go into what I think Ursa did after she left the firenation in my other work in progress _A spoonful of sugar._

So Katara during her day with the long term Joo Dees would have stumbled upon this dreadful possibility in her mind. (Katara doesn't know who she was treating at this point.) She is quite clever after all. There would be a certain expectation with lots of people that Ursa would return or make contact with Zuko after the war ended – but the war has been over for a fair old while at this point and there has been no sign of her. That would bother Katara – mostly because of what it implies. She wants Zuko to find his mother, but the lack of contact during this time would make her wonder if Ursa is even alive. But when she was treating the long term Joo Dees, she would have stumbled upon another possibility/ explanation for why there's been no word from Ursa. I think she'd raise it with Zuko at the nearest opportunity. But I don't think he'd take the suggestion very well.

So Zuko is very adamant that he doesn't want to go into the whole Joo Dee thing now. That decision means he wont find his Mum at this point (feel free to boo me!), but I hope it is understandable. Zuko couldn't find any record of his mother leaving the FN, so he doesn't think it is even a possibility that she would have come to Ba Sing Se, let alone become a Joo Dee. So he feels it would a pointless exercise to go and check. Firstly, it could take a while, and he doesn't have that kind of time to spare – also he thinks it would be pointless. Not only would it be pointless, but it would make him really mad. Zuko is really creeped out by the Joo Dees to begin with, so there is a disincentive on that level. Despite their creepiness, what was done to them was awful and Zuko would care. He would be mad for them, but there's not much he can do for them.

The Joo Dees would be seen as an Earth Kingdom civil issue. They are all (presumably) EK citizens. Zuko can't really get involved in EK civil issues at this point, for the same reasons that global powers don't often get directly involved in _civil_ wars of developing nations (like Dafur in Sudan or Syria currently). Zuko, as the leader of a foreign power has very little sway over how the EK conducts its business internally. However there is the added fact that as a leader of the FN, the aggressor in a 100 years long war, his opinion on how the EK should do things would have very worrying imperialistic overtones. The war was ostensibly so that the FN could "improve" and "civilise" the other nations after all. Zuko doesn't even want to open the Joo Dee can of worms, because him voicing an opinion on this subject would be a diplomatic nightmare, and he knows it.

But he also knows himself a bit better (10 points for ravenclaw!) He's got some self awareness. He knows that if he spent all morning with the Joo Dees, he would feel such a sense of **outrage** on their behalf that he wouldn't be able to deal fairly with Kuei and the Dowager. At this point in the peace conference, Zuko just wants to sign the armistice and get out of Ba Sing Se.

Zuko wants to find his mother more than anything, but he is hardly in a position to** drop everything** and go on an self-destructive, wild goose chase. I think he would have been inclined to do this initially, but then there would have been that snafu with Ozai, he would have found very little leads, and the mystery of his mother's whereabouts would have deepened. Once again, I think that Zuko has developed some self awareness. He is fully aware of his err _obsessive _tendencies. If he started looking any deeper, he knows he'd become obsessed with finding his mother to the point where he wouldn't be able to govern properly. The firenation, emerging from a century long war is going to be full of gonads and strife and will need his full attention.

One of Zuko's biggest developments over the series is how he stops looking at the world with such a narrow scope. He goes from being completely self-focused in season 1 (his quest for the Avatar was all about how capturing Aang would affect him directly, with very little thought for the consequences for the wider world, or the implications of his actions) to very selfless in season 3. he sees the bigger picture now. He can't narrow his focus to just finding his mother. He has bigger responsibilities now – so he's tried to do the grown-up thing and put away the search for his mother for now. He knows his obsessive streak, and knows that if he goes down that road, it leads to a dark place. But I think it would still be an immensely hard thing for him to do. Katara implying that he doesn't _want _to look for his mother would just hack him right off.

Also there is a privacy issue here too. While Zuko is probably the most open with Katara, he's still a very private person. Just because they are a couple now doesn't mean that they know everything about each other, or that they still wont have things that they are comfortable sharing and wish to keep to themselves. His mother and his various related feelings is such a sensitive issue for him and it is something he doesn't want to discuss with Katara at this point, especially when she's forcing the issue. Katara has a habit of imposing on/invading Zuko's privacy and it's something that he's having increasingly less tolerance for now that they are in a relationship. He didn't mind it so much when they were just friends, but now that they are together, it is starting to bug him. I thought it would be a good thing for their relationship for him to metaphorically draw a line in the sand and say "this is private" and have Katara respect that.

Also in this chapter, Iroh and Toph have figured out about "the secret relationship". I think that they would have always been the first two to figure it out. Because they are Toph and Iroh. Also because it is Zuko trying to keep the secret from them and he's a little less wily than Katara on that front. But I've got a story coming up featuring these two and this discovery. And of course, the rest of this chapter.

Til then my lovely readers.


	25. Song in the city

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Song in the city.

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So I got to meet Song today. _The _Song! Sokka and I (and everyone else on Operation Fuzzy) have all heard so much about her from Kuei. It's like she's famous. And can I just say that Song is lovely. This could be me jumping to conclusions again, seen as though I only just met her, but she is such a genuinely nice person. She's actually a really amazing healer, even without waterbending! That girl really knows her herbs, let me tell you.

There was a big to-do in the Joo Dee reception hall, because when Song came – she bought Kuei with her and Kuei put all the Earth Kingdom healers in a flutter. Kuei was following Song, trying to dissuade her from working today. It was her first day in the Earth Kingdom capital and he wanted to properly show her around the Palace. He'd cancel all his meetings and just spend the day with her. He had such enthusiasm for this plan. He wanted to show her _everything!_

Song made a wry little smile and said _everything _could wait until after she had been properly introduced, so they didn't have to sneak around. Song didn't want to act like a thief and skulk around the Palace that will one day be her home. That didn't feel right to her – she'd just wait until she could explore it openly. Also Kuei shouldn't cancel his meetings on her account.

Right now, Song's presence is being kept _hushed up _and she is staying at one of the villas near the Palace. When she and Kuei arrived back late last night, the Dowager met them and took them to the villa, which will be Song's home until she is ready to be "launched" on society. *

*I don't really understand the concept of a society "launch". Honestly, they make it sound like they are going to fire Song out of a catapult into a waiting crowd or similar. Must ask Toph about this.

Song told me the Dowager had wanted to spend all day, everyday, for the next few weeks "preparing her for her launch" - But Song didn't know if she could manage a whole day of etiquette lessons. Song was a _useful sort of person. _She was used to doing a proper, actual job not sitting around learning the language of fans_. _But learning fan language was important to Kuei, so she had agreed to afternoon etiquette lessons with the Dowager, as long as she could have the mornings to herself. She'd told the Dowager that she'd still like to practise as a healer for the time being, (Heavens knows what the Dowager thought of that!) and had been directed here.

Yugoda gladly accepted Song's help – because we need all the help we can get. Song and I are the closest in age out of the healers – so it seemed natural that we should fall in together. I showed Song the ropes, so to speak. How we used the waterbending to help calm the mind, and all the teas to help prompt brain function and memory. Song actually had lots of great ideas and a few different suggestions for other herbal remedies.

Gosh – She has such a different knowledge base and techniques to Yugoda and even Dr Yang, and she told me that each region in the Earth Kingdom varies in its remedies and approaches. There is so much I still have to learn.

Song picked everything up really quickly and we worked together side by side for most of the morning. We took our breaks together and had a few laughs over tea. During lunch, I asked her about what was happening between her and Kuei. I was just bursting to know. I feel that I had been quite patient and respectful for holding off asking her as long as I did. I waited until lunch time! That's hours!

Song has been just itching to talk to someone about this, I reckon, because she was quite open with me. Or maybe she's just an open sort of person. We got along so well, and we'd had such a nice morning together, that by lunch time she obviously felt comfortable telling me. Can I just say it was so lovely to make friends with a nice girl close to my own age (Song is a bit older) who is also interested in healing. I love Toph and Suki, but we have very different interests sometimes.

Song told me all about their first meeting and how they got together (which was very romantic!) and how she first started to love him because he was so kind and unassuming. Then their relationship got more serious and Kuei so very much wanted to help her and her village and she came to love him because he was so sincere and hard-working. He made her feel beautiful inside and out everyday that he was with her. She loved him for that most of all.

I was a bit confused about this, mostly because I couldn't comprehended how Song could have a hard time feeling beautiful. She has a very pretty face and a sweet nature. She toyed with her lunch for a second and then murmured softly that it was difficult for her sometimes, to feel pretty, because she had some rather unsightly scars. I was a bit gobsmacked in surprise. Her skin seemed flawless.

She stretched her legs out and lifted her skirt enough to show me her calves. The skin there had been marred terribly by horrid, red welts that twisted their way all around her legs like painful latticework. I inhaled sharply, just on reflex and tutted in sympathy. Then I asked _did it hurt_ ( idiotic, stupid, terrible thing to say)._..for ages?_ (saved, but only just).

Song said that she had only been a child when it happened, so she didn't remember how much it hurt. (Even if she didn't remember, this made it so much worse in my opinion. Some jerkface did that to her when she was a little kid? Who takes a firewhip to a child?) She said what had hurt more was how ugly it made her feel. She thought no man would ever want her. They would see her scars and run a mile. But then she'd met Kuei, and he'd accepted this as just another part of her.

I uncorked my bending water and asked her if she would like me to have a go healing them. I could see if I could make them look better at least. But Song waved me off. She thanked me for the offer, but said they had healed long ago, and she didn't think water-bending healing would do much good at this stage and I should save my energy for the Joo Dees. _Besides, I'm used to them by now. _She said with a slight shrug.

She pulled her skirt back down and said _oh gosh, I feel rude._ _We've been talking so much about boring old me – but I haven't asked anything about you!_ She exclaimed. Evidently she wanted to change the subject. _Do you have a boyfriend? _She asked pleasantly.

I had a conflicted moment. I mean Zuko and I have been trying to keep everything so secret. But Song had been so open and honest with me and it didn't feel quite right lying to her. Saying, _no I don't have a boyfriend _wouldn't feel quite right anyway. I ended up telling her that I was seeing someone, but we had to keep it very secret on account of my tribe. (They are part of the reason at least, so it is not a complete lie).

Song mimed locking her lips with a key and then said _say no more. I know all about that. I have to be hidden for weeks until I am "presentable." _Her mouth quirked a little and dropped in the corners as she said "presentable." It was like the word tasted bitter in her mouth. I could see that she didn't find being hidden ideal, but I didn't know what to say to make her feel better about it.

She was a bit nervous about spending time alone with the Dowager this afternoon. I felt that I should warn her about what I had overheard the Dowager say about her and Kuei. I didn't want to rain all over her parade like a big, grey rain cloud of doom, but I felt like she should have forewarning before she spent an entire afternoon with the woman.

Song seemed a bit stung by what I told her about how against them the Dowager was. I felt like a mean person for telling her, like I'd kicked a puppy. Song, like Aang, always wants to see the best in everybody. She wants to like and be liked by everybody. She didn't want to think her future mother-in-law disliked her.

She looked at me imploringly and said that she really hoped I had misheard or misunderstood. The Dowager had set her up with a house and had invited her for tea and helped her settle in – she'd even promised to devote every afternoon to getting Song ready to be "launched."_Surely she would not do all that if she was completely against us? _Song concluded hopefully.

_Yes she would. Inviting you over for tea -Classic manoeuvre. Keep you friends close and your enemies closer and all that. _Mai interjected flatly. She'd come up behind me and had evidently overheard the last of our conversation. Song looked up and smiled in greeting at Mai and scooted over so there'd be room for her to sit down. Mai sat down and looked straight at Song and her nervous face. She tried for a softer tone, and said _Just remember what we practices on the trip back. _

Song nodded, as if she was taking in every word. Then she looked between us and seemed a bit startled and said _oh now – I forgot to introduce you two!_ With some alarm. She turned to Mai and said _oh, no! That's terribly rude isn't it. _She then bumbled quickly through a hasty introduction. Mai waved her off and said we already knew each other. If fact she had come here to see me.

Me? What? Why?

Mai continued and said that she was glad that she had run into Song before her lesson. Song confessed to Mai that she was so nervous. What should she do – now that she knew the Dowager didn't like her. Should she talk to her about it and try and show her majesty that she was a really nice person. _Oh no, don't do that. Don't let her know that you_ _**know**_ _she doesn't like you. Just try and feel her out. This is only your first lesson. _Mai said quickly. She gave Song a bit more advice - _straighten up your posture. Don't look her in the face, but don't let her intimidate you either _in her calm monotone. Then the gong rang and Song had to dash off. She didn't want to be late.

It was only then that Mai's impassive face dropped and she looked very concerned for a second. She muttered _Poor girl. I feel like I've led a lamb to the slaughter._ Under her breath after Song's retreating figure. _She might be alright. She's very sweet._ I said optimistically. Mai quirked an eyebrow and said _the old baggage looks like she'd eat "sweet" for breakfast. _I had to sadly nod in agreement.

I remembered that Mai had said she had come to see me, so I took the opportunity to ask her what she had wanted. Mai said she wanted to talk to me, which was quite odd. I have been feeling quite terrible for the way I have treated Mai in the past, so I immediately agreed to a chat, despite this little niggling feeling in the back of my head that something was **askew **with this situation. Mai has never previously expressed a desire to talk to me.

I asked what she wanted to talk to me about. There was an awkward moment, before she said _I'm not sure. Girl things. We're both girls after all. We should have a __**girl chat.**_ There was something distinctly off in the way she said that. There is something off about Mai wanting to have a girly chat with me to begin with. Yes, something was definitely askew. My suspicions were confirmed when Jet arrived behind Mai. Out of breath and red in the face, saying something like _you thought I could charm my way past those guards, but you were wrong fool!_

This obviously meant something to Mai because she narrowed her eyes at him and said flatly _fuck off Jet. _Jet declined to fuck off and instead came over and sat next to me and said _maybe I want to talk to my old friend Katara here. _Then he draped his arm over my shoulder and said _how you doing, you sexy minx? _Then he winked at me in what he thought was a winning fashion.

Oh, eww!

I jerked out from under his arm and went to sit over next to Mai. Mai smirked at my reaction to Jet's flirting and made a rather rude comment to Jet about _his charms. _Then she, very uncharacteristically for her, put her arm around my shoulder in (what I assumed at the time was) solidarity.

Mai said _As you can see Doofus, Katara would prefer to spend time with me. _I wasn't sure what was going on at that point, but Mai was still right. If I had to choose one of them to spend time with, it would be Mai. **(How weird is that!?) **Me and Mai don't have much to talk about and conversation is awkward, but it's still a lot better than talking to Jet. Mostly because Jet keeps going on about Zuko in a vaguely crazy way and I find it a bit off-putting.

So I piped up in support of Mai and agreed that we had been _having a girly chat. _Mai still with her arm around my shoulder said _yes, we were talking about our periods. _Jet seemed a bit grossed out. _I've developed this weird symptom, you see and I was requesting Katara's medical advice. _She continued. At first I was alarmed, because I thought that a **too much information **conversation with Mai was coming my way. I didn't realise at that point that she was just saying that to get rid of Jet. Jet still did not go away.

Mai gave him an arch look and then told me in a stage-whisper, _lately __I have just felt this insane urge to kill whenever I'm around an annoying boy. _Then she glared at Jet. He just smiled at her and said cheekily _Oh well, it's a good thing you broke up with Zuko then, eh? He's super annoying. _Mai's calm veneer cracked and she slapped Jet upside the head and told him to fuck off again.

It was at this point that I got a bit fed up with both of them. I stood up abruptly and moved away from both of them and said that I didn't know what "their deal" was, but I had work to do and patients to attend to.

Mai stood up with me. Quicker than a flash, she stabbed the corners of Jet's sleeves into the table with two of her many knives. She then turned to me, while Jet was struggling comically behind her trying to free himself, and explained. She wanted to be straight with me. They were having a competition for who'll have cooking duties when they're on the road. June sent them on a scavenger hunt to test their skills. The person with the most items wins. The loser has to wear **the daisy apron of shame. **

One of the items on June's list was my waterskin. Mai was hoping I would lend it to her.

She then made grabby hands for the skin and I jerked back instinctively. The buckle jangled a bit and I realised that while she'd had her arm around my shoulder in "solidarity" - she'd actually been undoing the strap sneakily. Well, I never! I was about to launch into a rant about how she should have just _asked_ me, but at that moment her eyes went wide and she shouted _watch out!_ And I was unceremoniously tackled from behind by Jet.

Mai joined in the fray. And suddenly it was just **three way anarchy! **I was fighting off both of them and both of them were fighting eachother and fighting me trying to get the waterskin. My bending's not great at close range and this was as close as you can get. We were just one big pile of limbs – like a giant person sandwich of inelegant struggling on the floor of the break room. Elbows were utilised, hair was pulled (much to Jet's displeasure), ears were pinched. This was, hands down, the messiest, least dignified and most stupid fight I have ever been in.

I am almost ashamed to write how the fight ended. I wish I could say that I was in top fighting form and did something witty with my bending – but that wouldn't be true. Aside from sending ice down their necks, I didn't do much with my bending (and isn't that terrible! I'm a war hero for goodness sake. I should be able to beat off Mai and Jet). In my defence, I couldn't concentrate in the middle of a person sandwich.

What actually ended the fight was Mai's wiles. She used the old _oh-look-over-there _trick. She'd made her way to the top of the person sandwich and then she glanced up and said theatrically, _oh my – is that shirtless Zuko? _This was **embarrassingly successful**.

I looked, of course I did. But so did Jet! In fact he asked _where? _And squirmed underneath me to get a better view. This momentary distraction was all Mai needed. With her fast reflexes she cut the strap of the waterskin with one of her knives and held it aloft.

I have never seen Mai look quite as pleased with herself as she did in that moment. _Haha, you __**both **__looked!_ She crowed before she fled with a very triumphant look on her face. Jet took off after her, yelling about how _she had to stop cheating! _

I was left feeling cross, confused, annoyed and alone with my hair dishevelled and my uniform all dirty. I sat a bit gobsmacked for a second, not sure what to do next after a giant person sandwich. That was how Yugoda found me a moment later. She's a practical sort. She made me a tea, fixed my hair, got me a new uniform and waterskin and listened to me bitch at length, and then sent me back to work.

-o-

I finished work for the day and then had to go get ready for another snotty dinner. This dinner is, once again, supposedly in Aang's honour (though Aang gets remarkably little say in these events.) Aang's idea of a party is very different to how parties are normally done in Ba Sing SE. Aang just wants everyone to eat custard, dance and laugh until they feel sick – but this is apparently undignified. Luckily for Aang, he gets one out of three tonight. Dancing will be organised after dinner.

Sokka, Aang, Dad, Bato and I were ready first. So we went to loiter in the atrium, where pre-dinner cocktails and those tiny little sandwiches were being served. Aang clung close to us, determined that he could sneak onto our table like a wily ninja. Aang said that the worst part of these fancypants dinners is that he is always made to sit at "the high table" with Kuei and the Dowager because he was the _guest of honour. _Aang was officially **over **being the guest of honour. He hated being so elevated above everyone else. He missed hanging out with us and just being able to relax.

Dad tried to cheer him up and said that tonight wouldn't be so bad. According to the seating chart, all the world leaders would all be on the high table tonight. So at least he'd have Dad, Suki and Zuko for company. Aang didn't appear any more enthusiastic for this dinner at that news. He didn't want to offend Dad, but Dad was **good** at talking politics to grown-ups and would probably end up doing that. Suki always ended up arguing with the Earth Kingdom leaders about Kyoshi's neutral status during the war, and Aang always tried to stay out of that argument

Zuko was no help lately. He kept absconding mysteriously during these dinners. This concerned Aang because Zuko was really good at keeping General Fong away from him. While Aang tries to love everybody – he just _doesn't like_ that Fong! (Understandable – I do not like that Fong either, not after the **drowning me in dirt** thing that he did). Whenever Fong tried to talk to Aang, Zuko would get him to piss off. Aang greatly appreciated this service.

But now Zuko kept abandoning Aang to the other politicians and he'd been trapped in conversation with Fong twice! Aang was starting to wonder if he'd done something wrong to make Zuko keep storming off. Sokka put his arm around Aang and said _Nah, it's not you buddy. Toph told me he's been having these crazy gastric problems lately._ Aang nodded in comprehension. _It's why he keeps buggering off. He probably doesn't want to like __**vomit on you**_ _in from of everyone. The firelord vomiting all over the avatar at a peace dinner wouldn't go down all that well. _Sokka concluded sagely.

Zuko's "gastric problems" are taking on a life of their own. Every time it gets mentioned - a new symptom is added.

Aang looked very relieved for a moment and said _It certainly wouldn't go down well with me. I've never had anyone vomit on me. _Sokka decided to share that I had vomited on him heaps of times and it was **always nasty. **In my defense, bad whale-blubber affects us all! Sokka has also vomited on me on several occasions. Sokka and I were about to get into a squabble over who had vomited more, when Aang piped up with some concern _Should we do something for Zuko to help him feel better – Katara what's good for vomit?_

I was torn. It was a factual, medical question which I knew the answer to (and I do love answer those). But I didn't want to perpetuate the vomit rumour (Zuko's annoyed enough at how Toph keeps going on about his gastric problems and diet as it is). I ended up saying that soda water and ginger tea were normally good – but I didn't think it was necessary. Zuko's "gastric" problems would probably clear themselves up. Sokka voiced agreement with this. _Yeah, Toph said he's fine and he doesn't want us to talk about it. _Oh my gosh! Toph saying that was just blatant encouragement for the indefatigable gossip that is Sokka.

_I mean he comes from a nation where people __**vomit fire **_– _so I guess regular vomit is not so bad in comparison. _Sokka hypothesised, while rubbing his chin and looking deep in thought. Aang's eyes bugged out like marbles and he gasped _Do you think he vomits fire every time? _With some alarm. At this point my Dad interjected, cutting off Sokka's theory of fire-vomit with a patient sigh. He said in a slightly scolding manner _Kids – could we please not talk about vomit so much before dinner?_

-o-

Suki arrived not long after that, and promised to try and protect Aang from Fong at the high table. She brought Mai and Ty Lee along. Mai pulled me aside and seemed almost a bit sheepish as she handed me back my waterskin with a brief apology for this afternoon's shenanigans. The strap of my skin had been repaired in several different coloured threads, which had been arranged to look like a rainbow.

Rainbow stitching from Mai? Well, well, well.

_Ty Lee did the stitching _Mai said quickly. She explained that Ty Lee had made her own costumes for the circus, so she was much better at this sort of thing. Mai had wanted to fix the skin before she gave it back to me. I had been a bit miffed about the inelegant person-sandwich and the hair pulling, but right at that moment, I found couldn't be mad at her. She had fixed my skin's strap and apologised and what more could I ask. Life's too short for me to get stroppy with Mai.

_No hard feelings then?_ Mai offered, with what seemed like a very deep and probing look. I've never felt so scrutinised in my life. _No hard feelings, _I agreed.

I turned the waterskin over in my hands and looked for something else to say. We'd just come to a nice agreement and I felt like I should say something else. Something friendly. I ended up asking her if she'd won the little competition with Jet this afternoon. She smirked and said _of course _flatly, as if any other outcome was unthinkable. I asked how it was going anyway – bounty hunting training? Did she enjoy it? Mai said _well, it's not at all boring _with a really nice smile.

I asked where Jet was – mostly because I have become so used to seeing the two of them together. _He's probably still looking for his invitation. _Mai said with a wicked little Jet had turned on the charm for Kuei hardcore on their trip to collect Song. Kuei being the sweet and gullible sort, fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Jet wants to worm his way back into high society and convinced Kuei that he could "smooth the way" for Song. If the hoity-toities interacted with Jet (who they see as an uncouth and belligerent serf) they would have less reservations about Song (who is a sweet, educated and polite rustic). Mai, who knew how Jet "gets" at these sort of functions, and especially when he is in close proximity to Zuko, had decided to nip this foolhardy plan in the bud. She had wisely hidden Jet's invitation. He wont be able to get into the party without it.

Just at that point Zuko, Toph and Iroh arrived and joined our little group. Aang promptly gave Zuko a hug and told him to feel better. Zuko was a bit mystified by this and glanced at me in confusion. I whispered that Aang had just been told all about his "gastric problems" and was feeling concerned. Toph chortled to herself. Zuko rolled his eyes and sighed in a long suffering manner. He unclasped Aang's arms from around his middle and said he _felt fine_ (a bit stroppily). Aang looked very relieved at this. _Oh that's good. But if you feel a vomit coming you, can you warn me?_ Zuko made a face, but agreed.

-o-

After dinner, a space was cleared for dancing. This was the Dowager's compromise for Aang (who naturally wanted the whole evening to be a dance party). Aang was right in his element with Ty Lee, dancing for everyone. They both love the spotlight after all. Aang claimed that he wanted to show everyone here the different dances of the world with great enthusiasm.

He started with some common airnomad dances from his temple. A few diligent (or drunk) people in the audience tried to copy his and Ty Lee's movements (Sokka, my Dad and Iroh amongst them.) Aang then pointed out how these dances had a lot in common with some dances from the Southern Earth Kingdom. And the movements changed again. A lot more people joined in. Aang and Ty Lee smiled at each other widely. More than half the audience was joining in. They had obviously cooked up another sort of mad _lets-heal-the-world-with-dance plan _between them.

Suddenly Aang declared that he wanted to do a dance that he thought everyone in Ba Sing Se would know. _Let's get everyone from the Earth Kingdom up and dancing now – because you'll all know this one. It's called "salute the King!" _There was some cheering from the Earth Kingdom guests at this. Ty Lee smiled widely and said _I have an idea, how about we get His majesty, King Kuei to join us up the front?_ There was much more cheering at this.

But Kuei did not appear. There was a slight awkward moment at that, but then Ty Lee spied him. He was standing behind the half closed doors to the balcony, seemingly oblivious to the ruckus going on behind him in the ballroom. She bounced over saying _Your majesty – we need you for the next dance! _She flung the door wide open to reveal Kuei standing there with Song. Aang came up beside Ty Lee and smiled at the two of them in a dapper manner and said _Hey Kuei, who's your friend?_

Neither of them had met Song yet. They were both being incredible friendly and drawing attention and neither of them realised it was the worst thing they could have done. All the Earth Kingdom nobles were starring at Song in confusion. Even the musicians stopped playing and were all leaning over each other, trying to get a good look at her.

Kuei only makes conversation with people who are "important" - and I could see them all trying to place Song. It seemed like they were all wondering **what makes her so important?** In a flash, the atmosphere had gotten very uncomfortable. Song was blushing furiously under all their collective examination.

In a minute their secret would be out and I didn't know what would happen, but I had a feeling it would be **bad.**

_She's...err...she's a..._Kuei began, stuttering slightly, which seemed to make things worse and only piqued their curiosity. I started to push through the crowd, determined to fix this situation. I didn't want Song to be embarrassed in front of all these people. I hastily thought about what to do. I could say she was here with me – that could work. If they thought she was water-tribe they probably wouldn't give her a second look...and they'd forget about this little faux pas in moment. In a day or two, they'd completely forget what she looked like. Then Song could still be "launched" at a moment of her choosing in a couple of weeks time.

My rescue attempts proved entirely unnecessary. Just as Kuei was stumbling for an answer, I heard Zuko expostulate _Oh my fucking Agni in the sky! It's you!_ loudly from the front of the crowd, where he'd been dragged by his Uncle. He sounded a bit squiffy actually – which is never a good sign. It sounded like an accidental blurt of surprise. No matter how surprised Zuko was, Song seemed even more surprised to see him. She gaped at him, open mouthed, in shock.

What on earth was this? Zuko and Song knew each other? How?

All the Earth Kingdom hoity-toities who had been looking at Song in curiosity were now looking at Zuko. He seemed acutely concious on their stares. Uncle seemed to cotton onto what was going on (Toph and Zuko had informed of operation fuzzy after all). He tried to **make it better** at that point. He whispered something to Zuko and then stepped in front of everyone, and said in a diplomatic voice _My Nephew apologises for his outburst. He is just... glad to see this young lady as she is...part of our staff. Yes...she is...she is responsible for the messenger hawks. Thank you for finding her King Kuei – she must have had a hard time locating us with all this wonderful dancing. _

Iroh then gave Zuko a very pointed look and coughed meaningfully. Zuko got what his Uncle was doing and said _err...yes... I have to send a message urgently. Sorry, I know messaging is rude in the middle of a party, but you know..I'm firenation, so... _he shrugged here, because being firenation is synonymous with being rude in Ba Sing Se and so no further explanation was necessary.

Zuko seemed to think that the longer he stood in front of everyone, blathering about urgent messages, the greater the chance of him making a wally of himself. So he cleared his throat and said _maybe we should go send this urgent message urgently? _Then he walked over to where Song was and said rather stiffly _come along...message sending person? _Gosh he sounded so embarrassed – he was doing that thing where he makes all his statements sound like questions.

Song glared at him when he called her _message sending person,_ but seemed to see the wisdom in going along with this little ruse, and she followed him out. After she had left, Iroh gestured to Aang and said _Please keep dancing Avatar Aang, I am most eager to learn how to properly Salute the King! _Aang seemed quite keen to move everyone past the awkward moment, and so he started dancing. Ty Lee joined him. The band struck up again. People started to join in, and were all theatrically saluting Kuei.

It looked like Kuei for his part, was very determinedly trying not to look out the balcony doors, that Song and Zuko had walked through. I understood that feeling exactly.

-o-

So I wasn't going to be all nosy and eavesdrop – because I don't do that anymore. But I couldn't dance anymore, because I was feeling so distracted. At first I thought that they'd just have a quick conversation and Song would skedaddle. But they'd been out there chatting for what felt like _ages._

I was loitered by the drinks table for a moment, pretending to be undecided about my beverage Where I was standing gave me a good view of the balcony. Song and Zuko were both looking out over the railing, but occasionally glancing at each other. They seemed to be making friendly conversation and that should be a good thing right?

I guess I just wanted to know what exactly they had to talk about? And why it was taking so long? And how did they even know each other in the first place? These questions were bugging more more that I liked to admit.

_The champagne is good._ Mai suggested, giving me a bit of fright. She'd come up right behind me silently. She seemed to think I was still undecided about my drink. I felt like I had to get a drink then – now that I knew someone had observed me loitering here, feigning indecision. Mai ordered us two champagnes and we walked a short distance away from the table – but thankfully I could still see out to the balcony.

_Listen, Katara, now that there's no hard feelings between us – there is something I'd like to talk to you about. _Mai began, in her usual frank, flat voice. This actually didn't seem like a trick this time. She seemed like she really wanted to talk to me about something. I was most intrigued -but I never got to find out what it was. Right then, two hands came over her head to cover her eyes, and Jet popped his head around her shoulder and said _guess who Wenchy!_

I could practically **feel **Mai's sigh of exasperation, and I was standing an arm's length from her. _Let me guess...could it possibly be an annoying, arrogant jerk? _Jet replied, _no it's me wenchy! _ Mai shook him off and turned around. She asked him how he had even got in to the party. Jet shrugged and said he had his ways. His face took on a mock-scolding expression and he said _you really thought I wouldn't look for my invitation there?_ He then waggled his finger in her face and tutted her in an exaggerated manner– this struck me as either immensely brave or immensely foolish. Mai batted his hand away, and said _I did it for your own good Doofus. Now get out of here before you make an arse of yourself. _

Jet was offended by her insinuation. He claimed had never made an arse of himself at these functions– it was always **other people **who made an arse out of him against his wishes. At that point he noticed me and gave me what he thought was a winning smile. He told me I looked sexy tonight in a blatant attempt at charming me with flattery – this had the opposite effect to what Jet intended. I put my hands on my hips, and glared at him and told him that I agreed with Mai. He should go home before he made a fool of himself.

Jet held up his hands and said _why are you both so against me...I just wanted to hang out with you! _He said that last bit directly at Mai. She narrowed her eyes and asked _did you really want to hang out with me or did you just come to cause trouble? _Jet looked at her and said he really just wanted to hang out with her ...and score some free booze. Scoring free booze was the extent of the trouble Jet would cause. Mai gave him a mistrustful look. Jet grinned at her and offered to pinch her a bottle of the fancy champagne she liked so much. Mai relented (with the air that she was doing this against her better judgement) and said _fine, stay. _

Jet grabbed us more drinks. He spent sometime scoping out the drinks table (probably looking for where they kept all the bottles). He looked outside the balcony and his eyes narrowed. He came back quickly and handed us our drinks. He turned to Mai in an undertone and said _I think I'm having a paranoid moment. _Mai was a bit sarcastic and stated that he was **always **having a paranoid moment. Jet looked a bit hurt at that. Mai's face was impassive, but her voice was softer, when she said he may as well tell her about this crazy, paranoid moment.

Jet said he just thought he saw Zuko talking to Song. And now he was worried. Jet could tell that Song wanted to fuck him – and if she did that, Kuei would just be so sad and so mad. Jet thought we should barge in before anything happened. Mai looked at him with an expression that conveyed deep frustration and infinite patience. _You're obsessing again Jet_. _Nothing's going to happen. They are just talking. Everything is fine. _She stated flatly.

Jet declared that he was certain that they weren't just talking. He said that we should look at the way Song was staring at Zuko for proof. She was apparently **making hussy eyes **at him. She had a great guy like Kuei – but five minutes with Zuko and she already looking at him like she wanted **a ride on the grumpy express**. Jet was just pissed off because he didn't understand this weird effect Zuko had on girls. He was such an uptight bitch and yet every single chick he encountered wanted to ...like _kiss it better for him _and _heal him with blow jobs _and _whatever._ Jet didn't get it. What was even the attraction?

Mai dryly said _I think a large part of the attraction could have something to do with how he doesn't spend all his time obsessing over another man._ She gave Jet a sly look here. Jet made a very cross face at her and asked _Is that a dig at me?_ Mai shrugged and said _no, it was just an observation_ airily. Jet narrowed his eyes at her and said _I really felt like that was a dig at me. _

I could see that Mai was more fascinated by teasing Jet than she was with her previous conversation with me. Jet, for his part, really did seem more interesting in convincing Mai that he wasn't obsessing over another man – if that was really all she was after in a guy. I sculled my champagne and made my excuses. Neither of them took much notice when I took my leave. I had to get away from this conversation to go and interrupt another.

Stupid Jet and his stupid big mouth had once again made me more paranoid than I should have been. And I know it is bad and stupid to feel this way, but I can't help it. So I cut through the dance-floor and strode to the balcony.

-o-

I just caught the tail end of their conversation. Song was smiling pleasantly, and saying that Zuko really didn't need to apologise _again. _Zuko seemed a bit taken aback by this and said _I don't? But I..._ with some surprise. But Song cut him off there and said it was **water under the bridge**. Zuko still seemed a bit astonished by this, because he asked _how can you forgive me so easily? _Song shrugged and said he'd sent enough for eighteen ostrich horses, so she could hardly hold a grudge after that. Besides, she was a big believer in forgiveness and trusting the good in people.

Zuko made a concerned face at that and then said, with the blunt honesty of the tipsy _Oh, I can't recommend that. That's not a good plan really. Trusting the good in people is just asking to get stabbed in the back, especially here. I mean you go around trusting people here and they steal your spark rocks... _at that point I cleared my throat and interrupted them. I could see that Zuko was going into blathering drunken word-womit territory about how stupid it was to trust people. Song's smile and air of goodwill were both dropping rapidly the more he spoke.

They both turned around. Zuko smiled at me widely. Song greeted me pleasantly and the her eyes widened in anxiety and she said _oh my – have you been introduced? Forgive me, I am not used to this sort of thing. Katara – this is Firelord Zuko. _She started saying, but Zuko cut her off and said we already knew each-other very well. _Katara's the friend I told you about. _He said by way of explanation.

They were talking about me?

Song nodded in comprehension and gave us both a shy smile and said _oops, sorry_. She just kept automatically introducing people. I couldn't help but ask her why she felt compelled to do it. Most people at the peace conference would already know each other. We had all been cooped up here for far too long together after all. You got to know people – even the ones you didn't want to know. She could safely assume that we all know each other.

Song said that the Dowager had told her that being good at introductions is the first step of polite society, and she wanted to practise and be good at it. _You're already good at it. That was good introduction just then. _Zuko said. It sounded like he was trying to cheer Song up. He continued by gesturing at me and saying _I mean if I didn't already know Katara, I would have been like "hey – that's Katara" after a great introduction like that._

Tui and la – he was **wankered.** How much had he had?

Song just smiled widely at that. She fussed a bit more with her skirt and then said _Well I should probably go._ She thanked us both again and walked off down the stairs and into the garden, leaving us alone on the balcony. I turned back to Zuko who was grinning at me with just the dopiest grin.

He started to lean in like he was going to kiss me – but I held up my hands to stop him and said we couldn't do _that_ here. People would see. He pouted a bit at that and said _he didn't care. _I gave him a light thwack on the shoulder and told him to save it for later. We were still on for his place after the party, right? We could do _that_ there.

Zuko's eyes widened and he said he wasn't so sure that was a good idea. He was sure Toph was onto him. She'd been acting _so weird_ all day - with all her _sneaky Toph hinting_ and _insinuating_. We'd be better off avoiding his place. Hmm, we'd decided on the Jasmine Dragon, because my room has been cursed with bad vibes ever since we overheard the Dowager and Arnook there. It was getting a touch too cold to spend all night in the park.

I racked my brains for a good place and stumbled across an idea. There are some empty suites in the south wing which are being converted to be used as rooms for the Joo Dees. No one went there after hours, we could sneak off there. We'd be completely undisturbed there. Zuko gave me another dopey smile and a big dorky wink when I said that.

_How much have you had?_ I asked with a slight scold in my tone. Zuko looked a bit sheepish. _Dunno. Feels like a couple. Jee kept getting me this drink with a cherry in it – but then Aang kept stealing them. _I put my hands on my hips and made a face at that. He was letting Aang drink what was a rather dubious sounding beverage when he knew Aang and adult drinks **don't go well together. **Zuko seemed to realise what I was thinking. _I wasn't letting him drink them, but he was just so worried about me vomiting fire on someone, that is seemed only sporting to let him steal a few. _He said a touch defensively. _But look at him, he's sober as a firesage... _We looked back in at the party, which was in full swing. Aang was dancing with great enthusiasm and energy and doing that little butt wiggle he does... _A very happy, bouncy, dancing firesage that is. _Zuko added.

Aang looked delighted. He'd finally gotten everyone dancing together. Aang thought that if everyone had a twirl together – lasting peace wasn't far off. Nobody could stay angry at someone they had doe-si-doed with. He caught us looking through the window and gestured for us to come back inside.

-o-

So I can't believe what just happened. Maybe it's the paint fumes making both of us crazy. The South Wing suites did smell like fresh paint after all. And Zuko was a bit drunk still...and maybe...

No, that's not fair at all.

For once, it was all my fault.

At first it was just great. We had privacy, and whole room to ourselves – and this turned out to be a winning combination. Zuko had on all these stuffy formal clothes and I had a nice time peeling him out of them. Even though Jet thinks that all girls want - oh what was that terrible phrase he used – _a ride on the grumpy express –_ I'm the **only one **who actually gets to do _this _with him. And he's the **only one **who gets to do _this_ with me. And I always thought that just promising each other that much would be enough.

I kissed up his jawline and he just made the best little rumbly noise in his throat. He had one hand in my hair and one hand at the small of my back and he was holding me against his chest. I was just in my wrappings, but I felt so wonderfully warm.

Maybe if I hadn't opened my big mouth, we could have just stayed there, together like that.

We wouldn't have had a big stupid ridiculous fight.

Maybe writing out what happened will help me figure out how we got from there to here.

-o-

We were snuggling on the bed, and I propped myself up on my elbows to interrupt our canoodle. h was something I'd been itching to ask about all night. I asked how he knew Song, because I was just dying to know. He turned his face away for a second and looked a bit unsure. He said that it wasn't a good story and I wouldn't like it. I traced a pattern on his chest between the scar and the unmarked flesh. I know he likes that. I said it was okay and he could tell me.

And then he did.

He was right. It wasn't a good story, and I didn't like it. He'd **stolen **Song's ostrich horse, after she'd healed his Uncle and taken them in. Song is just the loveliest person, and I had a hard time understanding how he could do that to her, especially after she'd been so kind.

I mean, I knew Zuko got into a few shenanigans, indulged in some petty thievery, and did a few bad things when he was last in the Earth Kingdom. He'd told me. That stupid play even dedicated most of the second act to Zuko's kleptomaniac adventures in the Earth Kingdom - but I guess I hadn't really registered any of that until just then.

But I never thought he'd do something like that. Maybe I don't know him as well as I think do. I didn't know anything about the person he was then; that lost, angry, hungry, desperate boy who'd been able to slink off in the night without the guilt stopping him. I like to think I know him so well...but then there's all this stuff that he doesn't talk to me about, doesn't show me, and I can't even guess at.

I asked if he felt bad about it and he gave me an odd look and said _of course I did._ abruptly and in a an astonished tone – like he was really surprised by my question. He confessed softly _You know, I thinks its one of the worst things I've ever done. I felt so terrible about it afterwards, but I couldn't undo it. All I could do was try and make it up to her. _I asked what he had done, and he told me that he'd sent her a long-winded apology and lots of money when he got back to the Palace, but he never knew if she'd gotten them until tonight. Ah ha – so that was why they had been talking so long.

Zuko said it wasn't actually. They hadn't spent much time talking about _that. _Mostly Song was just feeling really badly about how everyone had stared at her, and she was a bit worried about the future. Zuko had been trying, with limited success, to make her feel better. I asked how I had come up in conversation, because that was niggling me to. He's said _this is the friend I told you about _– what exactly did he tell her?

Zuko smiled a bit sheepishly and said _Song was really nervous about the sneaking around. She doesn't think it is something she can learn, because she's not very sneaky. So I said that I had this amazing friend, who used to be terrible at it. Seriously bad. She'd blunder around, getting the attention of pirates and tree dwelling idiots,_ (he got a playful thwack for that) _but then, in less than a year, she became a wily, super ninja._ (he got a sweet kiss for that).

I grinned at him and said _well, I learned from the best. _He smiled back at me and looked really just pleased – pleased with me, pleased with himself, pleased with life in general. And we could have just left it there and had a nice night. We should have just left it at that.

But then I said that I was glad he'd cheered her up and Zuko got the oddest look on his face and said he hadn't. Not really. He explained that Song said she didn't want to have to change herself into a super ninja to be with Kuei. And she didn't want Kuei to change himself for her either. She didn't really want to sneak around. She already felt bad about it.

And you know, sometimes I feel bad about it, but on the whole, I found that the sneaky around and all that extra effort was worth it. It is just wonderful between us when we are alone together, and I don't mind having to wait until everyone else is asleep_. _So I just said that I was sure Song would get over that in time. She'd get used to it.

Zuko looked away, and then back to me and said _Song – she doesn't want to pretend, and you know...and I... maybe I don't want to pretend either. _I thought he was joking, so I playfully tweaked his nose and told him to _be serious._ His expression didn't change and he said that he was being completely serious. _No – you're not. We have to pretend – you know that. _I replied, matching his sincere tone.

_Do we? I mean...I've been thinking...maybe the Dowager's right, you know. About secret relationships imploding. I don't __**want that**_ _for us. I was talking to Song and she's already thinking that Kuei might be ashamed of her – and I'd_ _**never **__want you to feel like that. _He's started out with this hesitant tone that got more sure as he went on. I told him that I didn't feel like that at all. So he didn't need to worry. But just saying that wasn't enough. He still worried.

He brushed some hair back from my face and looked me right in the eyes and took a deep breath, then said in a determined tone_. I want to tell Uncle and Toph. _Unwillingly, I felt this trickle of apprehension. I think it showed on my face, because Zuko quickly added _I think they might even know already and you know what, even if they don't already know, I think they'll be thrilled. _

But you see, I wasn't worried about how Toph and Uncle would react. Zuko's right, they'd be pleased as punch. Iroh'd probably just have kittens, bust out his best tea and inundate us with proverbs. Toph would show her happiness with lots of smug gloating. He wanted to tell them, and I totally go why. But it was different for me. I didn't want things to have to change just yet. It was like...we have this happy little bubble now, just the two of us, and letting other people into that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want anyone intruding in the bubble because I was sure that would be the thing that would make it pop.

So I said that I didn't know if telling people was a good idea. Zuko asked me why not. I couldn't quite frame my bubble-popping thoughts, so I just ended up blathering about how much harder it would be – if we told people. I ended up blathering about all the political problems it would stir up – and we didn't want that so close to the signing of the armistice.

Zuko said that he wasn't saying we should tell **the whole world **– he just wanted to tell those really close to us, like our families. Uncle and Toph, and my dad and Sokka and if we told them, we should definitely tell Suki and Aang too. (Cripes now he wanted to tell Dad and Sokka too). Zuko said he'd trust them all not to rat us out, and if they knew, it actually make things easier for us – not harder. Things were going to be hard enough when we get back to the firenation without having to sneak around family too.

I said that telling our families would make everything more complicated, because families can't help but meddle. I told him to think about how much easier Kuei and Song's lot would be if Kuei had never told his mother. Now all Dowager does is sow discord. She tries to teach Song the language of fans just to make her feel inferior.

_Uncle Iroh'd never make you learn language of fans._ Zuko said, trying to lighten the mood. He added that our families were different and we were different. He was proud of me and proud to be going out with me and he wanted to tell people because...he trailed off and there was a long pause. He swallowed audibly and then asked _is that why you don't want to tell people? Are you ashamed to be going out with me?_

I wanted to say "No, never! That is not true at all"...And I didn't think it was true... because I am proud of him and I'm proud to be going out with him – but I also didn't want to tell people. Surely if I was so proud, I'd be like Zuko was now -just wanting to tell everyone and damn the consequences.

But you see, when I replied to Gran Gran, I had hardly written a word about him, nothing to give her a hint about what I was doing with him certainly. Because I just knew she wouldn't understand. Me loving Zuko would confuse and worry her. I couldn't even bring myself to tell my grandmother about him, and she was the woman who practically raised me after mum.

And what about my Dad and Sokka? Like they both love Zuko, but...but I didn't know how they'd feel about us going out. I did know one thing for sure, they'd be disappointed in me for lying to them. Especially Dad. It was the one thing that my Dad hated, us keeping secrets from him. That's why he always wanted to be the _cool dad_, because he wanted us to always feel comfortable enough to tell him everything. Me keeping this from him would hurt him. I didn't want to hurt him or disappoint him – and of course now I realise that the longer I keep this from him, the worst it will be when he finds out. But that thought didn't even cross my mind in that moment. All I could think of was my Dad's hurt expression when he realised how long I'd known about Bato and Ming without breathing a word to him. He would take me keeping _this _from him so much harder.

All that was in my head and I ended up just blurting out _I'm not ashamed. I just don't want to tell my family about you. (_Stupid, stupid, terrible thing to say and there was nothing I could add to that sentence to soften it up into something more palatable). Zuko looked really hurt for a second and pulled away from me and muttered _I can't believe this._

I tried to fix it and said soothingly _I just think it's too hard. I'm not sure, you know. _What I meant was that I wasn't sure about telling people. I thought telling people was too hard. But he got the wrong end of the stick and thought I was talking about us. His eyes widened and he whispered _Too hard? Not sure? _Then his tone changed and sounded much harsher and he asked _Are you breaking up with me?_

What! No! Where has all this come from? I was gobsmacked and I couldn't even believe that he would think that. I thought our conversation had been skirting the thorny issue of telling people, not going into the cactus filled desert of break-ups. I didn't want to break up with him at all, but he had just thrown that into the conversation, like a conversational grenade of crazy.

I started spluttering about how he had totally got the wrong end of the stick and he stood up abruptly and started blathering about how if I was going to pull some **what happens in Ba Sing Se stays in Ba Sing Se** bullshit on him, then I should just get on with it. I'd been floundering before, because I had no idea where all this stuff was coming from. But as soon as he said that, a piece of the puzzle clicked in for me. I'd remembered him telling Toph, who'd been annoyingly inquisitive about his relationship with Jin at the time, that they'd broken up because he was moving and Jin said _what happens in the 27__th_ _district stays in the 27__th_ _district. _

So I got off the bed and went and stood in front of him and grab his shoulders and gave him a little shake and said _Zuko stop it!_ I made him look at me. _I'm not breaking up with you okay! _I said with a great deal of feeling. I said it again, softly and with much sincerity. He sighed visibly in relief and leaned towards me and then we were kissing again and I should have just left it there and not said any more. But he'd given me such a fright, that I felt like reminding him of what an idiot he was being.

So I said _You're such a dolt – thinking I'd break up with you over something like this. I'm not some floozy like Jin who dumps people willy-nilly. I'm not just going to say "oh life is short and you were sweet" and move on. _

And it was only after I blurted that out that I realised what a mistake I'd made. He stiffened and then took a big step back from me and gave me a weird look and said in a low voice _Wait... You were there that day? You spied on me? _And my mind went blank, because I mean I had done that. I promised I wouldn't,...but then...I don't even know how it happened.

I could just say that listening to Jet made me feel jealous and possessive – just like listening to him blather on tonight had made me feel all insecure. But I can't just keep blaming Jet for putting ideas in my head. It's my head, and I should be in charge of the ideas that go in there. I decided to just fess up and not make any excuses – so I told him I had been there, but only for a couple of minutes.

The short duration of my spying did not make it any better for Zuko. He took another step back and gestured wildly saying _But I ask you not to! Why did you? Don't you trust me not to mess around? Is that it?_ And that wasn't it at all. But just saying _no that's not it _wasn't enough right at that point.

Zuko crossed his arms and said _Well what is it then? _And I didn't have a ready answer, because I didn't know why I did it – why I **do** it. I just feel this urge to know what is going on with him all the time and I don't know why. The silence stretched on for only three seconds, and then something in Zuko's face changed and he said swore under his breath and started walking around the room looking for his clothes. I followed and said _wait, what are you doing? _He didn't answer that, but just muttered _You know, you're always banging on about how I had to be less jealous and trust you and how trust is_ _**so important**_ _for relationships and I just_ _**assumed**_ _you trusted me too. _

Out of all the options open to me at this point, all the things I could have said and done, (apologise, say he was right, hide his shoes so he couldn't run away) I did the least useful and most ill-advised thing possible. I do what I normally do when I feel criticised (no matter how justified that criticism may be) and went full on the defensive and tried to turn it back around on him. I said _I do trust you, it's just...you... You keep so much from me. You bottle everything up and..._

I don't know what I was expecting – not what he did that was for sure. I thought we'd argue some more and work it out like we normally do, but this was the last straw in this conversation for Zuko. He threw his hands up in frustration and said _I can't believe I'm hearing this! _He paused for a second and then said _Fuck it – I'm leaving. _He turned back to collecting his stuff and putting the rest of his clothes back on. He obviously wanted to storm out quickly, but he couldn't find one of his shirts. He huffed angrily _Now I understand that whole "put everything in a pile" thing!_ Under his breath.

He looked for a few more moments, in a distracted fashion, while I hovered around saying that he shouldn't be like this and we should talk etc. He said he couldn't talk right now because he was busy looking for his undershirt briskly. After another second of looking, he appeared to decide that retreat was the right answer because he turned to me and said _fuck it – just keep it! _And stormed out.

And I was standing there just in my wrappings, and I really just wanted to run after him and tell him I was sorry, but modesty made me look for all my clothes first – because I may be many things, but I am not the sort of girl who gads about in her underwear in someone else's home. I found them all (plus his undershirt) and pulled them on hastily and then set off after him. But I had no hope of catching up with him at that point. He was long gone.

-o-

* * *

lovely readers!

Thank you for all the great feedback from the last chapter! All my reviewers rock my socks! Seriously, you guys can have no idea how much I love reading what you think of all these shenanigans. Thanks also for your patience with regards to the updates, I know they've been a bit slower. Uni is back in full swing for me, so there might be a slight delay between this and the next chapter. It should be the last for this series, and I really want to get it right.

Note on "The Search" : So I had many comments about the upcoming comics and how they will deal with Ursa's location. Err, this will sound terrible, and YMMV, but I tactically handwave the comics. After the hot mess of poor characterisation that was _The Promise _I stopped expecting much from them. _The Promise_ made me lower my expectations to the point where I no longer expect good characterisation, an engaging plot or even a story that makes sense from _The Search_. (I erroneously expected all three from the first comics – silly me!) I'm fairly happy with my head canon for Ursa. Like my head canon of Iroh deciding to hold off on retirement and helping Zuko in the early days of his reign – it just makes so much more sense to me.

Anyway onwards to notes regarding this chapter:

So we have Song's return this chapter. I love Song as a character, because she is just a cuddly carebear, and I really didn't like what Zuko did in that episode (but then Zuko didn't like it much either and did the guilty dance in my head-canon). So what I see happening is this – I think guilt about stealing Song's ostrich horse is one of those subtle things that burned away in Zuko's mind. It forced him to re-evaluate who he was, what he was capable of doing and whether this was the person he wanted to be. When he got back to the firenation that feeling would have been turned up to eleven after the shenanigans of Ba Sing Se. He would have sent her what he thought was a sufficient sum to cover an ostrich horse (plus interest for "emotional distress") and written a blathering "anonymous" apology. Song hasn't had that many strangers steal an ostrich horse from her, so she would have been able to put two and two together.

The money he sent would have helped her expand her little clinic, and this expansion helped her meet Kuei, who was posing as a commoner – looking for odd jobs. Kuei would have sucked at all the manual labour side of things, but Song would have taken a shine to him anyway and the rest is history.

Song does see the ostrich horse thievery as water under the bridge. I didn't want Song to be holding on to a grudge, mostly because it doesn't seem in her character, and because there was already too much drama going on this chapter without a Song-slap and related outbursts. So all is forgiven... but not entirely forgotten. Song will still tweak Zuko about it every now and then.

Zuko's dialogue in this scene is also meant to be reminiscent of his dialogue when he asks his Uncle for forgiveness. "How can you forgive me so easily?" - this question just makes me sad for Zuko, but I feel it's an interesting part of his character – how he is so surprised by forgiveness and expects punishment/hatred for most transgressions, even from his Uncle, who he is so close to.

Song and Katara get along like a house on fire – because they would, wouldn't they? They are actually very similar characters in some respects. I could see Katara bonding with someone close to her age about healing, and _just wanting to heeelp! _I think Katara identifies with Song and this makes her reaction to the ostrich horse thievery a bit more pronounced. She's not the first tender-hearted girl to reach out to Zuko, only to have him turn around and do a bit of betraying. For Zuko, her reaction would be difficult to deal with. This is the worst thing he's ever done, and it's something he so ashamed of – but he trusts her enough to tell her, and then she's just so appalled.

Katara warns Song about what the Dowager said with the very best of intentions. Forwarned is forearmed and all that. But Song, who is already feeling a bit reluctant to keep secrets, wouldn't have taken the news that her future mother-in-law dislikes the match very well. Their tea and manners lesson would have been very strained and the Dowager would have done her best to make Song feel ill-mannered and inferior (but in a very passive-aggressive, uber-polite way). And it would have worked a charm. Song seeks Kuei out at the party, because she would have been feeling a bit low and homesick (it's only her second night in a strange city) and she wanted some reassurance. But Kuei, in all his regalia, talking to someone who was obviously of a much lower socio-economic class (for reasons other than giving them an order to boot)... well that would have turned everybody's head. But thankfully, Iroh is quick on the uptake.

We also had a bit more fun with Mai and Jet this chapter. Mai has sought Katara out twice this chapter, granted once was for an ulterior motive, but there is something Mai wants to say to Katara. Jet and Mai have a very teasing and slightly belligerent dynamic – but they have found an equilibrium together on their road trip to fetch Song. During this road trip Jet would have tried to schmooze Kuei and Mai would have been very friendly (in her Mai way) to Song, and also told Jet to _shut up_ a lot.

One outcome of this trip is that there would have been a lot of power struggles between Mai and Jet (Mai sees Jet as **below** her in the pecking order of the group – Jet disagrees). To solve this effectively, June set them a competitive task which she was fairly certain Mai would win. Another outcome of this trip, is that despite all their squabbles, Mai is starting to be a calming influence on Jet. Now, whenever he feels a freak-out coming on, he tells Mai that he's feeling a paranoid moment and she'll bluntly shut that paranoia down with her no-nonsense honesty.

The paranoid moment is related to Zuko and what Jet imagines is a gigantic sexual appetite. This is similar to the scene when Jet was going on about Zuko and Jin. These rantings of Jet's always touch an insecure nerve with Katara - mostly because she's Zuko's **third **girlfriend and he's her **first** boyfriend. So there's a difference in their experiences. Also she doesn't know much about these previous relationships (and Katara wants to know everything!) so it's the insecurity of the unknown. She'd come to terms with Jin and Mai – but now Song is added to the mix and Jet's blabbing on and voicing some of Katara's very repressed insecurities.

And this leads us into the fight Zuko and Katara had this chapter. I know some of you are probably feeling a little cross at me – sorry my lovelies! I just felt there were some things which needed to be aired dramatically. Reasons for their fight was it allowed me to explore how they both feel about the relationship. I also feel that these two would have a few fights – and I think it's important for them to learn to disagree without it breaking them up.

I also thought that, for once, Katara needed to feel what it was like to be well and truly in the wrong. Spying on him (especially like she did with Jin) is becoming a violation of trust, and it is something she has to stop. I dislike the rhetoric that sees Katara as the **good **one and Zuko as the **bad** one in their relationship. Not every problem they have is going to be Zuko's fault. I guess I wanted to go against the common idea that all their fights would be instigated or caused by Zuko/something Zuko did. Katara's going to mess up as well.

I always felt that Zuko was further along in his feelings than Katara. I think there are enough clues in canon hinting that he had a bit of a crush on her, esp in season 3. I always thought it was Katara who had to "catch up" so to speak, where romantic feelings were concerned. This is true even when they are an established couple. Zuko's at the point where he wants to tell people...and Katara's not quite there yet.

Zuko's got this habit in the show, where he assumes things and puts words in people's mouths "I know you must think...I know you must have mixed feelings, I know you'll say she's my sister," etc. that comes into play here, and is also coupled with his his ability to assume the absolute worst in any situation. He assumes the worst about what Katara is thinking and it spins their conversation into the DangerZone.

Katara is inadvertently poking a very sore spot with a sharp stick. The ashamed spot. Zuko has had lots of people who were meant to love him (Dad and sister primarily) express their shame over being even related to him. His very existence shamed them. The idea that Katara is ashamed to be with him would have cut him deep. And she wouldn't have been helping by saying things like "I'm not ashamed – I just don't want to tell my family." The fact that Zuko has a great respect for Hakoda and a nice little bromance with Sokka, would have made that comment especially hurtful.

So he's not in the most patient or understanding mood after that little comment. He's in a "jumping to the worst conclusions" mood. And that is what he does. Katara revealing that she spied on his date with Jin would have only exacerbated an already strained situation. Zuko did what he does best when he feels threatened by a situation (lashed out and stormed off) but lots of stuff that he said in this fight were things that needed to be said. There were things that needed to come out into the open. Ultimately, showing their cards here will be a good thing.

We'll see how Zuko and Katara reconcile next chapter, we will also see Aang come into his own as Avatar, an armistice will be signed and a new era will begin. I also have a 2 companion pieces for this chapter which should be out in a few days – both are a bit to long to count as ficlets and should stand alone. One is how Jet and Zuko come to a very belligerent detente (tentatively titled _million dollar question_) and one is a scene between Zuko and his Uncle (tentatively titled _the silver sandwich_).

Til then my lovelies...


	26. secret's out

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Secret's out

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I should have told Sokka sooner. I realise that now in hindsight (which is always 20/20). Sokka's always stuck by my side even when he thought I was being mad as a harpy. It's like when we were in the river village all over again. I kept everything so secret from him, because he, out of all of us, was really against my desire to help those people. But when my secret came out; when push came to violent confrontation with firenation soldiers came to shove, he stuck by me.

He's always stuck by me and it was wrong for me to doubt him so much.

What happened was this. I had cried myself to sleep last night and woke up this morning just looking _wrecked. _Sokka took one look at my face, ushered me back into my room, and went off to get emergency dumplings. On the way he made excuses to Yugoda for me, and told dad he wouldn't be coming to the meeting this morning. He returned, flanked by servants carrying trays of tea and dumplings. In the vain hope that meaty dumplings and tea could fix my problem.

Sokka, despite all evidence to the contrary, persists in the idea that there is almost no problem in the universe which cannot be solved by strenuous application of meaty dumplings.

Sokka's a pretty good older brother. Sure he can be insufferable sometimes, but he notices when I'm upset and he really cares. He really wanted to know what was going on with me and why I looked like I had been tear-bending more that stage-me did in the final act of _the Boy in the Iceberg. _And I just...I don't know what happened. Maybe it was the dumplings (maybe they really do solve problems after all). But he's my brother. And he was there with dumplings and tea and concern. I was so sick of worrying about what people _might think _and I just wanted to know what people _actually thought. _

I trust Sokka to the moon and back and if I was going to tell anyone – It would have to be him. It feels kind of amazing actually. Telling someone. I told Sokka and the world did not end. I have been teased and mocked and subjected to many bad puns about fire and water – but the world **did not end. **

I don't like lying to Sokka. This morning I couldn't even lie and pretend like nothing was wrong because he could see that I was mega-upset. So I told him that Zuko and I had a fight. _If you're this upset at him, why don't you go mismatch his socks? _Sokka suggested helpfully. _Mismatching his socks always cheers you up after you two have had a spat._

Mismatching Zuko's sock was something I did back at the Western Air Temple, after he had run out of fireflakes and I had still wanted to get back at him over every little thing. It was a petty retaliation to our numerous petty squabbles back then. He'd been so exasperated by hidden fireflakes and mismatched socks...and back then I would just delight in making him all huffy and cross. He's never held any of that against me. Not the way I've held all his past misdeeds against him.

I think my face crumpled when Sokka said that. I smushed my face against his shoulder and had a bit of an inelegant snotty cry. Sokka asked sternly _Has he done something awful that I need to kick his arse for? Because I will. _I sniffled out something like Zuko hadn't done anything awful and if anyone should be mismatching socks_ – it should be Zuko mismatching mine – _because I was the awful one here. Sokka hugged me and said that whatever it was that I had done, it couldn't be**too bad.** I replied _no, it's worse. I've ruined everything! _Sokka's eyebrow twitched curiously, but he just asked_ ruined what? _in an even voice.

That was the moment of truth right there, and for the first time I didn't scramble for an excuse. I just said_ our relationship _in a sad little voice. Sokka nearly spat our his bit of dumpling in surprise. I tried to explain better, while Sokka got his dumpling situation under control. _We were going out...are going out …..and it was going great... and then I ruined it. We've had a massive fight and I... _Sokka interrupted me here with an astonished _I'm sorry... What?...You two?...and you've been?... _(he made a flurry with his hands to indicate coupledom). I nodded. Sokka looked liked he'd swallowed a goose egg. _What? When? How? how did you guys even get together?_ He didn't seem cross at me for keeping it a secret. He just seemed kind of incredibly and ridiculously curious. (that's his inner indefatigable gossip coming out I think).

He wanted to hear the whole story. I toyed with the dumpling in my hands, feeling a bit uncertain. _Look, It's kind of a long story. _Sokka pointed out that we had all morning and he was a good lsitener. Sokka gave me what I have come to refer to as his **wilier than thou face. **And I figured in for a copper, in for a gold florin. I had already told him we were going out, may as well tell him the shenanigans leading up to last night's argument.

So I told him – He'd already being a super nosy snoop ands read my diary from the western air temple, so I started with the not stalking on Ember Island. That was probably when I started fancying Zuko. The more I learned about him the more I liked him and then it got to the point where I couldn't help but fancy him. Then I didn't realise how much I actually loved him until I nearly lost him in the Agni Kai with Azula. Then I totally chickened out of doing anything about it. Then there was that horrible period when he got back together with Mai and I spent the whole time wanting to **bop her on her hairbuns**, and then I got so jealous and sad and insecure that I kissed Aang and then there were shenanigans with Jet and the lower ring and Mai and Zuko broke up and then we got together.

_Wait...that night with the jail and the lower ring was weeks ago. _Sokka said slowly. I nodded. _So you two have been seeing each other practically the whole time we've been here; sneaking around behind everyone's back and lying to everyone about it. _He continued. I nodded sadly, feeling sure that he was going to be very disappointed in me and give me a lecture about how disappointed he was that I had disappointingly saw fit to keep such a secret. _Are your awfully angry and disappointed in me? _I asked, thinking that we may as well get the lecture over with. _No, I'm actually kind of impressed. How did you even keep this from Toph? _Sokka replied and then his eyes lit up. _Just wait until I tell Toph!_ He crowed, while clapping his hands together.

This was not the reaction I was expecting. I had been ready for a convoy of disappointment – not excitable, Toph-telling glee. I was a bit worried about how keen he was to tell Toph. I mean, if anyone should tell Toph it should be either me or Zuko. Probably Zuko – because he actually wanted to tell her and was willing to put up with all her smug comments and snide insinuations...and... oh gosh. Either was she was going to know by the end of the day ...and then she is going to be completely insufferable to me. I nixed Sokka's Toph-telling idea pretty quickly on grounds of insufferable-ness. She'll never let me live this down. _Neither will I. _Sokka declared happily.

_Hey Katara, can you give me... like a two day grace period to come up with...like all the jokes about dating a firebender that I can think of? _I starred at him aghast, while he reassured me that they would only be really **high quality jokes.** Sokka said it was really Suki's puns which I would have to watch out for. All the lame puns in the universe would be heading my way soon.

It was at that point that I was seriously thinking that telling Sokka had been a huge mistake of gigantic proportions. I pulled the sheet up over my head and tried to will the earth to swallow me whole. I protested that this was why I had wanted to keep everything so secret. I didn't want Zuko and I to be the butt of all their jokes.

Sokka, through sheer force of will, managed to restrain himself and did not make a comment re: butts. He pulled the sheet down and_ oh don't be like that. We'll just have a bit of fun. _I made a disgruntled face. _Okay, jokes aside - I'm so glad you two have __**finally got it together**__. I mean it is about bloody time!_

I was a bit gobsmacked by this pronouncement.** Finally got it together? **That made it sound like Sokka had been ...expecting something like this. Sokka shrugged _Well you know, I'm not...like surprised or anything. I did catching you two practically making out in the roof after all. And you know, even before that - you two would like spend every minute you could together...sighing at each other, and being all mushy and gross. _

I got a bit stroppy. Zuko and I were** not the mushy and gross **ones! Sokka used to shove his tongue down Suki's throat at regular intervals during breakfast. That was **way gross** for the rest of us. Sokka couldn't talk with the way he carried on with Suki!

Sokka smiled a decidedly cheeky grin at that and said _true – but at least I didn't stalk Suki for months! _I gave him a light whack. _Nothing says romance like some good ol' stalking. _He added with a falsely sweet smile. I protested that I had stalked Zuko in **a nice way.** Sokka grinned like a cat with the cream then._Oh__** nice**__ stalking – sorry my mistake. _

I crossed my arms and grumpily told him to shut up. He relented (even though I'm sure he had heaps more teasing in him). He told me not to get upset. He was just having a bit of fun...and even I had to admit – the stalking was **the weirdest thing I'd ever done**. The whole stalking element made me and Zuko's _so how did you two get together _story the most bizarre ever. Of course I was going to cop a bit of teasing. I think I made a sad face in response because Sokka quickly said that I shouldn't let his or anyone else's teasing bother me. _You're fiery boyfriend returns your gushing feelings and this whole weird tale ends in kissing anyway – so don't be too sad _He said with an apologetic shrug.

_No it doesn't. This whole tale ends in an awful fight. He yelled at me and__** literally ran away from me**__ last night. _I said crossly. Because I feel we'd gotten off topic. I was really upset and not at all in the mood for teasing and Sokka was acting like this was the funniest story he'd ever been told in his life. I thought that he needed reminding about **the fact that he was meant to be cheering me up** and helping me – not endlessly taking the piss.

And in truth, Sokka was helpful – as soon as he stopped chortling to himself and actually listened.

He asked me to explain our fight and what it had been about. I told him as best I could. Apparently my continued stalking now that Zuko and I are in an established relationship is "a bit creepy" in Sokka's expert opinion. We had a small fight over how "creepy" this actually is.

I maintain that it is **not very creepy. **I wont ever do it again and it's not like I am **an axe weilding, crazy, scary stalker **– I am just a **gently following and eavesdropping stalker** and that is** totally different. **

Sokka thinks yelling and running away is a **totally reasonable response to any sort of stalker. **He got another light thwack for that.

I said that Zuko didn't run away because I was a stalker. He ran away because I said a few things which were...**really dumb and very hurtful..**..accidentally. Sokka asked for details on this really dumb and hurtful utterings. I told him. He inhaled sharply. _You said that? Why didn't you just __**rub some salt**__in his lightning wound while you were at it? _Sokka said quickly. I told him that I hadn't been trying to hurt Zuko – that had been entirely accidental. I thought he would stick around and talk reasonably about things.

Sokka gave me a look that is a slight variation on his** wiler-that-thou** look. This look is a **how-dumb-are-you?!** look. _It's not like Zuko is famous for his calm and reasonable reactions in the first place. Yo__u just practically said you were ashamed of him to his face! I mean I don't know __**anyone **__who'd stick around to "talk about the feelings" reasonably after that. _I felt a bit forlorn at that. I really had ruined everything. Even Sokka thought so.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tight and muttered that Sokka wasn't helping. I think my feeling of desolation must have shown on my face because Sokka scooted next to me and said _oh now – come on. It's not that bad. This isn't the end of the world okay? _He gave my shoulder a little rub and said _this doesn't sound like a deal-breaker fight to me. Neither of you want to actually break up from the sounds of it. You've had an argument – but so do all couples. Suki and I have had heaps of spats and we're still together. _

Once again I was a bit flabbergasted at this. I mean it's true that what Sokka was saying wasn't exactly rocket science – but it still struck a chord with me. I mean I knew intellectually that all couples fight, but I had just assumed that me and Zuko would be different. That we would be the perfect couple that never, ever disagreed on anything. Sokka thought this was funny.

_Nah, you two are totally going to have__**steamy**__ fights...geddit? There'll definitely be a few __**eruptions**__ of disagreement. There'll be an __**overflowing**__ amount of... _I gave him a very hard look here, to stem the endless tide of bad puns (oh spirits the bad puns are starting already and Suki isn't even here). Sokka took note of my cross look and said _okay, I'm done. _But he said that with a hugely self-satisfied smile.

I asked Sokka what he thought I should do. He's right. He and Suki have had heaps of fights and they always get back together. Their fights never break them up. This was definitely going to bring out Sokka's **wilier-that-thou** look, but I didn't care right then, because this was one area where he actually did know a bit more than me.

_My advice is just chill out. Give him sometime to chill out too. Suki says your both __**total drama llamas – **__and this story totally proves that. Give him some time to calm down... and then just try and talk to him. _Sokka said sagely. I said_ its not going to be that easy. _He smiled and said _Yes. It is. Things are never as bad as you think they are. _

At that point I confessed something that had been eating away at me all night. My biggest worry. Zuko had just been so angry at me and he's never been that angry and me. What happens if he didn't accept my apology? _What if he doesn't want to be with me any more? _I asked Sokka softly. Sokka actually **snorted** in response. _Like...he took a bolt of lightning for you...so you know, I think it's pretty fair to say that dude wants to be with you. _He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Then he added (because he can't even help himself) _Plus he's put up with you stalking him for months and he wouldn't have done that if he didn't totally fancy you. _

-o-

I kind of felt a million times better after talking with Sokka.

I also feel a million times more embarrassed, but I can live with embarrassment.

I wanted to go talk to Zuko right then, because I was filled with calm-Sokka-wisdom, but Sokka reminded me that Zuko would still be in meetings until at least lunch. Sokka thought that a much better plan would be raiding the kitchens together, water-tribe style. I was very easily convinced that this was the best course of action.

We were absconding with some more meaty dumplings and some of Suki's favourite pastries when the Dowager came bustling past. We could hear her approaching (from the steady sound of servants being berated) and both hid in the nearest room and darted behind the curtains.

Yes, I know this is stupid, juvenile and unnecessary... but the Dowager just makes me feel like a mud-covered ruffian. I'm sure that if she found us absconding with baked goods - she would look at us like we were unwelcome baby mooselions who hadn't been potty trained and did nothing but ruin the furnishings.

It seemed like the easiest option to hide from her.

It was just our luck that the Dowager chose to enter the room we were hiding in. It was from this position that we overheard the most horrible conversation.

The Dowager tried to send Song packing!

-o-

Song, ever sweet and gracious, was being taken on an "official tour" of the palace as part of her lessons. She was saying very many complimentary things about all the fine furnishings she had seen.

Song said that she could definitely see the Dowager's hand in refurnishing the Joo Dee ward. That seemed to pull the Dowager up short. There was a brief pause, before she said awkwardly _Yes – well, I stood by Long Feng for years completely oblivious to what he was doing. Keeping those women comfortable is the least I can do. _There was another short pause before Song said _It's not your fault, Your Majesty, what that terrible man did. _She said this softly but firmly. The dowager exhaled loudly and said _You are a very sweet girl _almost like it was an accusation. Song didn't hear the hidden accusation because she just thanked the Dowager bashfully.

_You are making this rather difficult. _The Dowager admonished briskly. Song instantly apologised for making things difficult - but she sounded very confused about the whole thing. The Dowager sighed loudly and commanded_ stop apologising girl._ There was an awkward silence, before the Dowager continued in a much more gentle tone. _You are a sweet girl, but you are not at all fierce. There is no hardness, no firmness of purpose, no steel to your character. That is an admirable thing for a peasant, but it will not do for a queen. _

_I think it would be best for everyone if you took this. _The Dowager offered. There was a rattling sound of metal clacking against metal. _What is this? _Song asked softly._ It is a sum of money that will be more that adequate to keep you and your mother in comfort for the rest of your lives. You could set yourself up anywhere in the Earth Kingdom that you wish to live. _

A bribe to go away and leave Kuei then. Not even a very subtle one.

There was the rattling sound of the money exchanging hands again. _No thank you, your highness. I do not want your money._She said and there was an icy edge that I have never heard from Song before. _Dear girl – I am thinking of you too. You are __**not **__queen material. Do the smart thing – take the money. _The Dowager was using her best persuasive voice and sounding gentle and concerned and matronly.

I took a peek and could see Song sitting with her rams folded, looking away from the Dowager. The expression on her face told me that she wished to be anywhere else in the world other than this lavishly furnished room. The Dowager was jabbing an ostentatiously large bag of money towards her – but Song resolutely ignored the soft clinking noise.

_Don't be foolish relationships only implode. Will you be happy to live the life of a kept mistress until "society is ready"? To be treated like you presence is something shameful? _The Dowager snapped, sounding frustrated. Song whipped her head around to face her. I couldn't see her face any more, but the Dowager's face softened. She sighed deeply and said much more sadly (sounding actually sincere for the first time during this conversation.) _I do not wish you ill at all. I wish you every happiness in the world... but I just wish that you find it... __**somewhere else. **_

She placed the bag of money on the table between them. Song looked at it for a long moment, clenched her fists and stood up._ Do you really think so little of me – that I can be bought off like this?_ She asked, her voice sounding harsh. The Dowager opened her mouth, but Song cut her off. _If I could be bought in such a fashion, I would hardly be worth even a fraction of such a lavish sum. _She turned around and picked up her fan from the sofa and flicked it open. I would latter find out that she flutter the fan towards the Dowager in a way that was meant to communicate "you have displeased me". Good for her. Learning the language of fans was good for something after all.

Song never looked more regal that she did right at that moment, proud and furious and flipping her fan. _I wont stay here to be insulted. _She said in clipped tones. She bowed low and said _excuse me, Your Majesty. _The "Your Majesty" sounded almost mocking. Then she strode past with her head held high.

-o-

So there was drama!

I immediately wanted to dash after Song and Sokka immediately wanted to go and tell Kuei about the shenanigans that had just gone down. We waited a few minutes after the Dowager left (we didn't want her to catch us eavesdropping/eating pilfered pastries). We bustled down the hall. There was no sign of Song. Kuei was in an important meeting and could not be disturbed. We were both fretting about what to do, when Mai interrupted us. She had been looking for me again.

I didn't want to cut her off, because I knew that she had been wanting to speak to me over something – but this was an emergency! She asked what had happened and we explained what we overheard to her and how we wanted to help. Mai put her hands on her hips and said _I think the best way both of you can help is by staying out of this. This is Earth Kingdom High Society Politics. I would not touch that with a ten foot pole. _She admonished us both for being nosy eavesdroppers . Couldn't we both just mind our own business. _Kuei's my friend - his happiness is totally my business. _Sokka said and walked off. I made to follow him, but Mai grabbed my arm and said she really needed to talk to me.

And I was torn. There was drama happening! But I'd made a promise to be nicer to Mai and try and make up for being such a bitch to her earlier. I'd really like for us to be friends, because Mai's actually kind of fun. She's been trying to talk to me about something. I've blown her off twice and if I were a good and kind person who really did want to make amends – I wouldn't blow her off a third time. After a moment's deliberation, I decided to be a good and kind person.

I asked her what she wanted to talk to me about. Mai actually dithered for a second – which was unusual to see because she is normally so self-possessed and composed. After a moment she said _I need your help with somethin_g in a low mutter, as if it actually pained her to admit she needed help.

She's a bit like Toph in that regard. She obviously hated needing to ask for help – so I tried to make comfortable and completely not awkward for her. I asked what she needed. _I need... (_enormous and slightly embarrassed sigh)_...I need you to show me how to make a fire...and cook things...and do other sorts of dirty, peasant work. _She said.

Well...that is...**that is not at all what I expected. **

But it was totally something I could show her, so that was a plus.

I was a bit blindsided actually, I mean she was from the firenation. Surely making fire would come easily to her. She gave me a look like I was the stupidest person she had ever met and held out her hands towards me with a shrug and said _non-bender here _with a disdainful sniff_. _I ignored her aloof attitude and asked her to follow me out to the garden. I had a feeling no one would appreciate me demonstrating how to light a fire in the reception hall.

-o-

As we walked to the garden, I asked what had prompted all this fire-making and dirty peasant work learning. Mai shrugged and said _I just...never learned. I always had servants do that sort of thing for me. There wont be servants when I am on the road with June. _I couldn't help but askwhy get **me **to show her? Surely June could show her all this – and demonstrate it better. Mai gave me another one of those disdainful looks...but there was something else there. It was almost like there was a hint of embarrassment behind her sassy face. So I didn't get stroppy back at her. I just evenly held her gaze. _Look maybe I don't want June to think less of me. I don't want her to think I'm useless just because I've never made my own tea. _Mai said softly.

_You've __**never**__ made your own tea?!_ I exclaimed loudly. This was a mistake.

Mai got huffy and said I should just forget it and it was stupid to ask me. She started to stride away. I apologised and said I had just been surprised. I had been building fires and cooking and doing chores since I was tiny – so the **no-tea thing** was a little jarring for me. But I could totally show her everything I knew. She seemed mollified and came and sat down by me in the gardens.

-o-

So, it turns out that I am not Mai's first choice as a "peasant-stuff" teacher. She first asked Ty Lee, who was also in a similar privileged boat (she had made her own tea before – but she'd never built her own fire or set up her own tent). Ty Lee directed her to ask Aang. Aang was never very good with lighting fires even before he was a firebender. He was even worse at doing his chores because the monks did most things for him when he was growing up. Also he has so many people fawning over him now that he'll never be made to scrub a pan again. That was of no help to Mai in her current situation. Aang urged her to ask me – because I had always built the fire and done the cooking and set up the camp when we were on the road. According to Aang, not only am I a really nice teacher, I am super at all peasant work!*

*Okay, I know Aang meant this is as a very complimentary thing. He said it when he was talking me up, but I just never thought that chores would be my super power. I thought water-bending was. But no, according to Aang, it's chores.

I showed Mai how to build up the kindling and then how to use the spark rocks. She had a bit of trouble getting the kindling to light. I used kind words and gentle encouragement – and then she got snappy at me. I apparently didn't need to talk to her like she was a toddler. I hadn't been aware I was doing that, but there you go.

We went to look for more kindling – I told her which bits of wood were good for different stages of the fire. I showed her how to use the sun and the shadows to navigate her way in a straight line in case she got lost.

Gosh this was all just simple stuff. She's had such **a sheltered **life. It's like with Kuei all over again. There so much _just basic survival stuff_ to show people who've never lived a day without servants.

We piled the kindling again, and I handed over the spark rocks. She clicked them together over and over again, but the fire didn't catch. She got frustrated. I tried to reassure her and said that it was a really tricky skill, especially if she had never done anything like this before. She shouldn't be so hard on herself. She'd get the hang of it eventually.

In the meantime, I was sure that June could light the fires...Jet could too. So it wouldn't be the worst thing. But Mai made the crossest little sound at that and declared_ I am NOT asking Jet to "light my fire" - can you imagine! _Oh, err yes. She made her point quite vividly. I could imagine how that wouldn't be good.

She smacked the spark rocks together with renewed determination, while saying _You know Jet's personality has only four basic settings: flirting, gloating, crazy and being a colossal dick. There is one of those four I can't handle. _That last sentence was punctuated by a particularly forceful smack of the spark rocks. _Yeah, Jet's flirting would get super annoying after a while. _I said sympathetically. _It's not the flirting!_ Mai said quickly.

It was apparently**the gloating.** Jet has been getting more and more excited about leaving the city and getting back into the wild. Jet is really an outdoor-type of person and his main skill set revolves around surviving in a forest. He has apparently caught an inkling about Mai's lack of practical survival skills and has been rambling non-stop about what a**delicate spoiled princess **she is. He is taking great glee in the fact that the tables are going to turn in his favour. While Mai has won all their squabbles and spats in the city; in the wild yonder beyond the walls of Ba Sing Se, it will be a totally different picture.

Jet has been gloating about how much Mai is going to need him and his awesome survival skills when they are camping out, but has declared his resolve to be a gentleman about it and assist her. _I am going to learn how to make a fire even if it takes me all afternoon, just to avoid giving him the satisfaction _Mai declared, while striking the spark rocks with great alacrity.

The spark from that last strike caught the soft kindling and a little flame burst forth. I gave her instructions about how to take that spark and build up a fire. She was a quick learner and soon we had a fairly steady blaze glowing in front of us. Mai held her hands to it and seemed really contented in that moment. I told her that she had done really well, and she grinned at me and thanked me for showing her. And there was a really nice moment between us.

So naturally, I had to stick my foot in it.

_So Mai – when you and Zuko used to fight, how did you two make up? _I tried to ask casually - in a totally casual tone of voice. Just because I thought she might have some helpful insight and we seemed to be getting along so well. It seemed like a good idea. Until Mai raised an eyebrow in a decidedly contemptuous fashion. Her lips pursed and she said _Mostly I just used to give him the cold shoulder combined with the silent treatment he felt guilty and apologised – but that's not going to work __**for you**__. _(Her voice lowered rather dramatically there and I could hear the hidden accusation).

I felt my stomach drop out. _You know? _I whispered, sounding shocked. _I do now._ Mai replied, staring at the fire. How did she even know? _You just told me_. Mai replied flatly. Oh, gosh – I had. I had just confirmed there was something **to know **– which is the same thing really.

Bollocks - I was handling this all wrong.

Also I couldn't help but be struck by the irony that I was unexpectedly telling all over the place today, considering how adamant I had been about the need for secrecy last night.

I also felt like maybe I should apologise to Mai. Or at least explain. I hadn't ever wanted to hurt her or like _steal_ Zuko from her or anything...well I kind of had wanted to do that last one when they were going out (We'd gotten together only _hours_ after they had broken up after all – so obviously I was a bit of an eager beaver there). but I felt a bit bad about that now. I mean I still think that they were so wrong for each other, but that is not an excuse to be callous with other people's feelings.

There is never an excuse for being callous with other people's feelings and I had been so callous with Mai's.

So I got ready to do a big, explanatory, apologetic speech. I started with _Mai, it's not...I'm sorry...Zuko and I._ But Mai cut me off with this really loud and annoyed sigh and held up her hand to stop me. _Please, I just asked to you to show me how to make a fire – I did not ask for your life's story._ She snarked. I couldn't tell if she was pissed off , or joking or what.

_But I really want to explain. I don't want you to be mad at me. I really want us to be friends. _I said. She cut me off again. _Look Katara; you and I can be __**Bestest Friends Foreverest **__if you promise to never, ever start telling me a story that begins with "Zuko and I"_ She said this with a lot of sarcasm …..._ and if you teach me how to make my own tea. _She added as an after thought.

I showed her how to make her own tea. How could I refuse, when she put it that way.

-o-

So Mai made us tea that was rather...err bracing, but **by all the spirits **I drank every drop and said it was delicious.

I view the tea as some sort of spiritual penance.

We drank tea and talked mostly about Jet. Well Mai spent most of the time bitching about Jet. How annoying he was. How she was glad she'd be able to tell him to shove his gentlemanly assistance up his arse. He was egotistical and stupid and he had stupid hair. No one's hair should stick up like that. He looked like one of the evil step-sisters from the book of fairytales she'd had as a kid. He might have the upper hand when it came to practical survival skills, but that was not going to stop Mai from pinning him to the naughty wall every chance she got.

She was going on about Jet**so much** and I could help but think maybe...anyway, Mai says I am **totally wrong** about this. But I still think... she was just talking about him so much. She'd spent so long cataloguing his bad qualities...and goodness me! I used to do that about Zuko. I'd bitch about him constantly to Toph, and Sokka and Aang and anypone who would listen, in those early days in the Western Air Temple. Toph would smile smugly and make an insinuation and I'd get all stroppy and defensive and tell her she was nuts. (and now I am never going to hear the end of it. I just know it. I will be be subjected to a continuous stream of "I told you so" from her.)

I asked Mai if... maybe …..she kind of fancied Jet...because it seemed like **she really did**. She scoffed at that and looked at me like I was an idiot. _Pfft fancy Jet? Are you high?_ She said again with another scoff. _I just thought..._I started, but Mai cut me off and told me I thought wrong. _Look Bossy Hairloops, just because emotionally-unstable jerks are __**your type**__ – __does not mean they float my boat!_ She said a little harshly.

There was a brief silence during which we both stared at the fire and drank our tea in silence. I felt a bit stung, mostly because Mai hasn't called me Bossy hairloops in ages and I thought we were getting along so much better right now. It shouldn't have hurt, but it did.

After a beat Mai said _urg, don't look like such a kicked puppy _with some frustration, which I think was her way of saying sorry. So I said I was sorry for making such a stupid suggestion in response. There was another brief silence. Then Mai cleared her throat and said she had a **not stupid **suggestion for me. I nodded.

_The silent treatment doesn't work out very well. Just so you know. _She said, really hesitantly. I think I gaped at her in shock then, because I thought she had made it clear that we would avoid the subject of Zuko at all costs._. It makes him really unhappy. I don't want to see him unhappy. _She added. There was a slight note of warning at the end of that sentence, but once again, I don't know if she is kidding.

Mai seems like the sort who'd be able to keep a secret, but just I had to ask her anyway. I had made Sokka swear that he would let Zuko and I tell people in our own good time. I do trust Sokka to the ends of the earth. But Mai - I wasn't so sure of... just because I didn't know her that well. I started making concerned mutterings about secrecy and she rolled her eyes at me. _Relax Katara. Weren't you listening? __I'm really good at the silent treatment, I know how to keep my mouth shut._

And I couldn't help but think, right then, that maybe this is the only way Mai knows how to be good to people - in a flat voice and a dry monotone, without fanfare and without making it about herself.

-o-

* * *

notes:

Lovely readers, thank you for being so patient with me. I am terribly sorry for the delay in updates, but real life has eaten all my time (for real). As a result I don't even have the time to properly write these long rambly notes. These notes will be signifigantly shorter. So this is only half of the chapter I planned, but I thought I would publish it because I didn't want to leave you all hanging for too much longer (gosh I feel bad enough about making you wait this long as it is). Next half of the chapter will be up whenever I get the time to write. Then we will see how our two favourite drama llamas reconcile.

Til then my lovelies!


	27. Extraodinary

-o-o-o-o-0

Extrodinary

-o-o-o-o-o

A small procession consisting of Kuei, Sokka and Suki strode past. Suki was gesturing expansively to Kuei it what appeaed to be adetailed explanation. Mai and I were still in the gardens and I surreptiously doused our fire-starting attempts (as I wasn't sure how Kuei would feel about them. This is Ba Sing Se after all. There'd probably be a rule.)

I went over to Sokka to ask what was going on. He told me that after he'd explained to Kuei what he'd overheard, Kuei had decided to go and woo Song himself. Suki had helped them sneak out from the Earth Kingdom high tea using her** stealthybadass powers. **They had Aang remain behind to cover for them. Suki eyed the soaked embers of the fire me and Mai had made, made an exceptionally lame pun about steam, then gave me a big, sultry wink and thumbs up.

Oh spirits. It begins.

Sokka is the most indiscrete person in the entire world and I knew he wouldn't be able to resist telling Suki as soon as he saw her.

I tagged along with them – of course I did. I wanted to see what would happen. Mai declined to tag-a-long on the basis of it not being any of her business (she also indicated that she didn't think it was any of me or Sokka's business either). She wanted to practice all the knots I'd shown her.

-o-

So what happened after her talk with the Dowager was this: Song had run into Iroh when she was most upset. Iroh made a concerned face, espoused some wisdom and invited her home for tea. Song begged off and tried to find a polite excuse, because she much perfers to feel miserable on her own.

Iroh made **that face** of his and espostulated what he feels is the deepest truth in the universe; _Tea makes everything better . _Then he used **that face** again.

So Song went with Iroh.

-o-

We all came up to the Jasmine Dragon, with Kuei in the lead. Kuei had a small cowardly moment infront of the door, where he _got nervous_ and seemed to think this was all a big mistake. However retreat would have been difficult at this stage, with Sokka and Suki flanking either side of him like a a pair of know-it-all, smugly coupled bouncers of love.

I could hear Toph from the front room as clear as a bell when she declared _Guys, I'm not being funny here, but it feels like there's four-footed conjoined ball of smugness...and Katara and Kuei on the veranda. _There was a long-suffering sigh (which I recognised oh so well) and then Zuko asked if she had been drinking adult drinks again. There was a small impact, a muffled _ow_ and the sound of Toph demanding that he get up and check.

Kuei got exceptionally nervous then and muttered something to Suki, who had been giving him encourgaing prods forward towards the door. Whatever he said made Suki mutter _oh for goodness sake,_ stride up to the door and knock loudly. Zuko opened the door and saw us.

I waved at him, but he made a grumpy face at me.

oh.

still mad then.

Suki pulled Kuei forward to stand with her at the door. There was an exchange of bemused greetings, until Suki cut to the chase and declared that Kuei was looking for Song. Zuko annouced that Song was right there and he'd get her.

Song was sitting in the front living room with Iroh, which was right by the door. We could all hear her say_ Oh no. Tell him I'm not here. I can't face him right now. I've been crying and my face is all splotchy. _Zuko agreed that**it was **at the same time that Iroh said it wasn't splotchy at all. Yes, my boyfriend is the sort of person who says to a crying girl the equivalent of _gosh your face really is splotchy and gross right now. _

There was some whispering and then Zuko reappeared at the door saying _Song's not here. _Kuei said he wasn't leaving until he got to talk to Song. Zuko ducked inside again and relayed this to Song. Song wanted to know why he wasn't going. Zuko came back to the door and said with an air of dramatic resignantion _Song... who isn't here right now, wants to know why you aren't going_. No attempt was spared at even pretending this was a real conversation.

Kuei, took at step forward and peered around Zuko and said loudly _I'm not leaving because I love you. _Zuko took a step back at the invasion of his space bubble. Even though everyone knew that Kuei was addressing Song, he still felt the need to clarify that, by saying_ not you Firelord Zuko. I don't love you...but I do hope that we can get along better in the future. _Zuko didn't seem to know what to make of that so he just offered a curt _excuse me_ and went back inside.

Then we heard a firm _Song, I think you should come out the front. This is getting awkward. _Toph was a bit indignant about that. According to Toph, this situation wasn't getting awkward. It had started out as awkward and descended into a weird, crazy mess. But Toph had just the solution.

Toph's solution in this case was simmilar to all her previous solutions, and involved breaking walls .

There was a flurry of earthbending and much ado. When the dust had settled Song and Kuei had been earthbended waist deep in the courtyard about arms length from each other. Iroh came out of the Jasmine Dragon and made a noise of dismay at the state of the western wall.

Toph seemed to think his noise of dismay was one of frustration with the current situation between Kuei and Song. She said "I know right! Now they can properly talk." When people overreact like complete drama lamas, sometimes the best thing to do is to confine them together until they've sorted it out, according to Toph. There was loud exclamation from Iroh followed by a small, restrained scolding about the current state of the Jasmine Dragon which involved several uses of the phrase "not angry – just dissappointed". Toph was made to feel suitably sheepish.

Kuei and Song were temporarily forgotten for the duration of the scolding. Kuei was coughing politely and trying to get Toph's attention. Song's face was all red from crying and looked like she just wanted the earth to oblige her by continuing to swallow her whole. Kuei reached out reassuringly towards her but he couldn't quite touch her – they were just slightly too far away. I heard him say_ Don't worry, I'll get us out of this._

_Miss Bei Fong I command you to release us right this moment! _Kuei bellowed in a loud regal voice. Toph looked at her feet and then stood up a little straighter, and declared that she would...as soon as they had a honest talk about stuff. They loved each other, Toph could tell...and they were being ridiculous right now. Kuei looked quite indignant at this. He started to shout about how Toph was disobeying her king and high treason and whatnot.

But at that moment, Song reached out and took his outstreatched hand and murmured _She's right. I do love you_ and he stilled. _Well I love you too._ Kuei declared, making such big words seem so simple. Then he turned to Toph and said _There Miss Bei Fong, we have spoken honestly and not ridiculously. Now you must release us. _Toph obliged them.

Kuei gave Song a huge hug and said that she had worried him so much when he got her note and when Sokka had told him what had happened between his mother and her this morning. He was so glad she had changed her mind about leaving. Song pulled away at that, and said sadly that she hadn't changed her mind. She was still going to leave. It was for the best.

Kuei seemed a bit gobsmacked by this, while Song continued on saying _Your mother is right. I'm a little person with a little life. I wont ever be a good queen. _Kuei took her hands and said that she loved him when he was pretending to be a peasant who had nothing and that made her Queen enough to him. Song tried to pull away again and said that she'd always love him – but some things were not meant to be. They had to be sensible now.

_Boo being sensible! _Sokka espostulated loudly next to me– because he thinks that comments from the peanut gallery always help in these sort of tense situations. I eblowed him and hissed _Don't boo Song. _Kuei held his hand up to silence us and turned back to Song and said _I don't expect you to be a foolish as I am. You've always been more sensible_. He smiled at her then like they had a little in-joke between them. Song smiled back despite herself. Those little smiles seemed like they were only for each other. I hoped right then that they could build a life on that.

Kuei took her hands and said _Allow me to very foolishly say that you are the only person I want for my queen. I know my mother can be difficult – but she doesn't get to choose who I love for me. And I choose you. I feel like you make me a better person, and I feel less lonely...I feel less alone when I am with you... and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you'll have me. _

Song got a bit moist around the eyes and nodded her assent. There was much hugging and tasteful kissing. Sokka and Iroh also got a bit most around the eyes (those two are just both huge romantics.) Even more surprisingly, Suki also got a bit moist around the eyes too. I gave her shoulder a quick rub, but she waved me off and said she just had a bit of dirt in her eyes. Toph ruined the moment by loudly exclaiming _Oh isn't that so romantic! _

Kuei and Song broke apart and seemed to remember that they were surrounded by a very enthusiastic cluster of people. Kuei looked a bit sheepish and said apologetically to Song _I would have done that much better if we didn't have all these people watching . _We all strategically turned away, so as not to be creepy.

-o-

Kuei and Song waltzed off into the metaphorical sunset. Really they waltzed off towards the Earth Kingdom Palace together to have a serious word to the Dowager as a couple. Iroh thought we should all partake of a cup of celebratory tea and congratulate ourselves on our role in making a royal match. Certain people (like Toph and Sokka) were very keen on congratulating themselves (as usual). Sokka has, inexplicably, become absolutely sure that they will name their first born son after him. I tried to catch Zuko's eye the whole time but it seemed like he was **aggressively pretending to be invisible** around me. But he can't avoid talking to me forever. I decided to take matters into my own hands.

When everyone else was getting ready to return to our regular schedule ( Aang had been left unsupervised at the party for far too long), Zuko got up to put the tea cups and everything away. I followed him discreetly. He was in the pantry when I cleared my throat and annouced that I really needed to talk to him. He gave me a cross look and muttered,_ no I really think you've said enough last night. _

He was still pissed off.

_Look I know you're mad at me right now, but will you just let me explain, you'll... _I implored, but he cut me off with a curt. _No, you don't need to explain. I totally get it. _He was staring at the shelf in front of him with a baleful look on his face. I knew he was probably thinking the worst possible thoughts and dwelling on all the horrible ways to interpret what I had said last night. I moved away from the door and closer to him. I placed my arm on his shoulder and he didn't shrug me off for a then the door closed with a loud bang and we both jumped. _I do need to explain because you just jump to the worst conclusions. _I said softly. He snapped _oh, so everything's my fault again?_ A bit indignantly.

Oh this wasn't going very well.

Zuko eyed off the door and said quickly _I don't like the sound of this, I'm leaving _and strode away. He turned the handle, but nothing happened. He jiggled it angrily and then we heard at ka-thunking sound on the other side of the door. It sounded like the doorknob had fallen off.

Oh dear.

Zuko made the most frustrated noise and muttered _I can't believe this _under his breath. The noise alerted Iroh to our predicament and we heard the sound of his shuffling feat._ Zuko is that you in there?_ He enquired pleasantly. Zuko affirmed that it was, and he felt like the doorknob had come off. _Indeed it has. _Iroh replied, still pleasantly.

There was a pause.

_Well can you try and fix it and open this door so I can get out? _Zuko said after a beat. There was the sound of metal rattling on the other side, and then a faintly amused_ no, I can't _from Iroh. Zuko made another frustrated noise. I piped up that Iroh should just be able to jiggle the handle and the door should open. Zuko made a grumbly noise at that, and said something about his Uncle knowing how to open a door.

There was the sound humming and then metal scraping and then a distinctive snap from the otherside of the door. Then we could hear Iroh say,_ You know Zuko, in absence of a brass key...a silver key will not work. _Zuko grumbled that he didn't have time for his Uncle's proverbs right now.

_It's not a proverb. I just noticed the lock had snapped shut. I tried the silver key but I think I broke it in the lock._ Iroh actually sounded rather pleased at this_. _Zuko ran his hands through his hair and made a frustrated rumbling noise at that. _Don't worry, I'll go get Toph, she can help. _Iroh offered through the door and then we heard him wandering off and humming to himself.

We were stuck.

-o-

Zuko was not at all impressed with this development.

There was an ill-advised attempt at kicking down the door – but that was solid, hand-carved mahogany right there, so it didn't budge. I kept trying to start up the conversation that I really wanted to have with him, but he kept shutting down all my requests to talk by saying things like _I don't think it's __**talking o'clock **__right now. I think it is half past let's get the hell out of here. _

After a few minutes I got stroppy with him and told him he was being ridiculous and we'd only be in here for a little bit. He muttered something under his breath and stalked to the corner and started what looked to be an uber-sulking session. I sat close to him, but not right on top of him. He was acting like being stuck in a room with me was the worst thing that every happened to him, and that stung a bit. But I wasn't going to be a drama-llama about that (I can't believe Sokka and Suki call us Drama llamas!) I was going to be the bigger person here.

I started by softly saying_ I'm so sorry about last night. I didn't mean it. I just didn't want to tell anyone because..._ Zuko's head snapped up as soon as I started talking, but he rolled his eyes as soon as I started trying to explain why I hadn't wanted to tell anyone. _look, if this is the part where you tell me you're not ashamed – you just don't want anyone in your family to ever know about me– we can really skip it. _

I was a bit gobsmacked that he was being so obtuse. I was trying to explain and he was just pushing me away and not listening. He'd hardly ever been like this with me before. I'd always been able to talk to him, even when I felt like no one else would ever understand. He'd only ever been like this when it came to talking about his dad or his scar – the things that had cut really deep.

It was like a dam had burst all of a sudden. After spending the afternoon agressively pretending to be invisible and avoiding me, now he suddenly had a lot of feelings he wanted to share. It was like as soon as he started talking he couldn't stop himself from saying _You know – this is exactly why I never wanted anything to happen with us._ He made an angry gesture between the two of us here._ I always thought this would happen and this was impossible. But you made me think we could actually... You just jump right into things...but I'm not going to be your bloody swimming pool..._he cut himself off turned away abruptly here.

He took a deep breath before saying more firmly _No, we should have just stayed friends. but then you were all __**la-la-la let's make out **_He did the face he does when he's impersonating me – and in a different conversation I would have pointed out that I have never once said "La la la let's make out" and he had kissed me back **quite enthusiastically**, so it is**not all me** here.

But we weren't in a playful, fun conversation. We were in a very serious conversation. The sort of conversation where you realise how much you have hurt someone you really care about. I felt awful – but then I think I deserved to feel awful about this.

I scooted a bit closer and put a hand on his arm again and asked him to just listen to me. I wanted him to listen to me so I could start to make things better, but he wasn't giving me the chance. He turned his head then and looked me right in the eye. He was trying his best to seem so angry, but his eyes gave him away. He looked so sad and dissappointed as he said _Why should I listen to you? huh? Why should I trust anything you say?_

And then I got indignant.

How could he trust me?

How could he even ask me that?

How could he not know the answer.

Well I ended up blurting it out in a big, indignant, cross blurt of feelings. I said something I have been trying to say to him for**ages, **and I said it **mid-fight,**without any ceremony or build-up. I blurted _How can you trust me? Because of everything we've been through together! Because I love you, you big idiot!_

He looked so shocked and vulnerable right then, right before he turned away abruptly from me and stared at the wall. He muttered _You can't just...you can't just__** say that**__ and have everything be fine and dandy again. _I scooted closer until I was right next to him and I tried to hug him, but he flinched away again. He still wasn't looking at me as he said _it doesn't count if you still act like you're ashamed of me and you don't trust me._

I had a lot of justifications in my head. A lot of reasons and intentions that I could have blathered on about, to try and make him see it from my point of view. But I didn't want to say any of those right then. I was well and truly in the wrong, and sometimes there isn't anything else to do but just say you're sorry.

So I said, with as much sincerity as I have in me _You're right. I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. I broke your trust and I broke a promise to you. I know your right to be really mad at me now – but I just want you to know that I'll never do it again...and I really am sorry. _He turned around slowly then and we were practically nose to nose, staring at each other intently. Neither of us said anything for a long moment. And then he moved forward slightly and kissed me.

It was a very very good, toe tingling kiss.

It was even better because I knew it was his way of saying he was going to forgive me.

I told him I loved him (again). See I hadn't been able to say it for the longest time, even though I felt it. I think a part of me felt that he should just know. It should have been obvious. It felt like it was **unnecessary** to say the words. But from the way he smiled every time I said it, the way that guarded expression of his just melted away. I knew that it was always necessary. I should've been telling him I loved him every day.

I had been holding off on saying it. I was waiting until an important moment would come along make the words more...I don't know...serious and heavy. I thought waiting would make them **mean more **– but it didn't. _I love you_ would've always meant the same thing whenever I said it to him. The timing didn't make those words mean anything more or anything less.

I told him I was so sorry I had made such mistake and said such stupid things. And he _ssshhed_ me and said we didn't have to talk about it now (that was mostly because he seemed pretty keen to get back to our groping session I think). But I really did want to talk about it – because I'd had a bit of an ephiphany that I wanted to share.

My epiphany was this – I can be a bit of an idiot sometimes.

No, really.

I can be really stupid about somethings – and that's okay because everyone has moments where they get stupid about things. And I'd have to be incredibly pig-headed to think that I was the only sensible person in the world who didn't have idiot moments.

And see the thing is, I can be an idiot, and make mistakes and Zuko can be an idiot and make mistakes – and we'll still find a way to love each other anyway. Because loving someone means loving all of them, even the stupid bits.

I loved Zuko, with all his moody, spiky bits. And I guess I just wanted reassurance that he loved me too, even though I could be a huge, self-righteous dolt at times. I wasn't ever going to be perfect and I was going to make mistakes and we'd probably have other fights but that wouldn't mean that I loved him any less. I felt it was very important that he understand that right then.

I told him my ephipany and how I couldn't garantuee that I wouldn't mess up in the future, because I would sometimes be afflicted with** a case of the dolts**. And he smiled ruefully at me and said _I'll definitely mess up. I don't know what I'm doing. _

He'd be _doing_ a pretty good job a few moments perviously. Mmmmmhhhhh. So I couldn't resist the urge to make a cheeky face and say _I think you've got a pretty good idea _with a big wink. I was trying to lighten us up and make a joke, and Zuko did that back of the throat rumble he does when he's trying to surpress a laugh.

But then his face got serious and said _but if you don't know what you're doing and I don't know what I'm doing...then maybe we should just...maybe it would be easier if...Maybe we shouldn't..._ there was some fruitless gesturing. He was having a bit of a hard time framing what he wanted to say. I was having a bit of a hard time hearing this because I knew what he was getting at.

I cupped his face my hands and leaned my forehead against his and told him _I didn't think there'd be anything easier about not being with him. _

He wrapped his arms around me tighter and pulled me closer while at the same time asking, with a quiet unsure voice _but what if they're right about us...and we'll just implode eventually anyway?_

I told him that couldn't say that we wouldn't implode, because I can't. No one gets to now their own future. Not even Aunt Wu could say for sure what was going to happen tomorrow. I told him that we might implode. But then again, we might not. And I couldn't say anything for sure but I think that maybe, just maybe everything will be great... and maybe we'll never know if we don't try. We both don't know what we're doing – so maybe we just have to find out together. And maybe, together, we'll be extrodinary.

That was as honest as I could possibly be. All that I wanted for us together was laid out. I couldn't promise him forever, always and perfect. But I could promise him that I would love him and always be willing to try if he was. And he didn't turn away from me, or talk anymore about what would be _easier. _

Lets face it, if either of us were the sort of people who prefered the **easier** option, we wouldn't have even started making out in the first place.

He kissed me softly and deeply and said _maybe you're right. _

-o-

We were interrupted by Aang not long afterwards. He was looking for us actually. Apparently he'd come up with a brilliant plan and he needed our input. So he had snuck out of his own birthday party to find us.

We heard his voice calling out our names in the kitchen and much yelling brought him to the pantry door. He stood on the otherside and said with some bemusement _Are you guys in there?_We replied that yes we were. There was a pause before Aang said _hey, if you're busy...if this is a bad time – I can totally come back later. _

Oh gods, there were so many layers to the way Aang said _bad time. _Either suki or Toph had taught him how to pack as much sexy insuination as possible into seemingly innocous words.

Zuko seemed to miss the sneaky inisinuated layers and just said _of course this isn't a bad time. The lock's jammed. We got stuck in here and Uncle went to get Toph. _There was a pause and then Aang asked if we were sure Iroh was coming back?_ Because your uncle's playing pai sho with Bumi right now. _Aang added quickly. Zuko's face looked beyond frustrated for a second. Then he shook his head and muttered _unbelievable _to himself.

I suggested that in absence of Iroh or Toph, Aang could try and metal bend us out, then we could help him with whatever his brilliant plan was. There was another pause from Aang's side of the door, before he piped up with an alarmed _metal bend – me?_

_I know Toph's been teaching you – she set you making spoon bouquets as homework._ I chided through the door, but I had a sinking feeling that I already knew the answer. _yes, about that..._ Aang started to say, before he suddenly interrupted himself and said _Oh wait – I have an idea. _There was some scraping noises from the door hinges and a few grunting noises from Aang before he exclaimed _there now – try pushing. _We pushed at the door and it opened up on the other side. Aang had removed the bolt from both the hinges so it swung neatly out. It was a clever, if unusual idea. Aang's think-outside-the-box mentality can be really handy sometimes.

Aang explained his plan to us on the walk up to some other function for Aang's birthday. It had followed on from the high tea – which we had missed on account of excessive snogging/being trapped in a pantry. Aang wants to give a speech about how the four nations can work well in harmony together – even nations that were once bitter enemies can find things they like about each other.

Okay – during this whole explanantion, and the way that Aang would really pointedly look between us when he went on about nations finding things they liked about each other, it was really obvious to me that Aang knew. It was also obvious that Aang knew **he wasn't meant to know.**Sokka probably told him, but then said _but-don't-tell-anyone-else-and-they-don't-know-tha t-you-know-so-don't-say-anything-to-them...maybe-t ry-acting-surprised-if-they-do-tell-you-because-yo u-didn't-hear-this-from-me. _Etc etc.

So Aang was being really awkwardly polite with his whole not-mentioning-it-but-still-kind-of-mentioning-it- all-the-time thing that he was doing.

-o-

We had to seperate when we got there – I mean a few people know now, but we still can't be lovely dovey in public. Zuko went off to scold his Uncle. I went to go find Sokka and extract from him several promises that he would stop telling everyone he met. I also needed to find out how many people he told, because _really now!_

Sokka swears that he is not an idiot. He knows he can't _tell people _tell people. But he only told Suki and Aang... and only because they were in the Earth Kingdom high tea when he went to get Keui, …..and only because it came up in conversation... and only because he knew that we could trust them. So therefore, I was being unreasonably worried. He declared that he was a) on my side, b) not an idiot and c) not even that much of a gossip to begin with. I told Sokka he should keep telling himself that...and I still gave him a solid berating about not telling anyone else anything.

Then he gave me a solid berating about not telling dad.

You know – dad is the one person that I wish Sokka HAD told, because I **do not want **to have this conversation with him. But in typical Sokka fashion, he has decided to be obtuse about this and has declared that I have to be the one to tell Dad because it is **my** "big secret". He said _big secret _most sarcastically and then swaggered off like he thinks he knows everything in the world.

-o-

At that point Zuko came over to me looking a bit worried. He pulled me aside and said that he needed to talk to me. He was most anxious because he had just had the **most bizzare conversation with Suki** and she kept making _lame puns about the steamed broccoli_ and it wasn't because she wanted more broccoli, it was because she was _insinuating things_.

She was insinuating that she knew...about us.

Ah yes – there were a few things which I had neglected to tell him in that pantry. But in my defense, I had been rather distracted at that point. So it was definitely time to tell him, but first I had to get him a some crab-balls from the snack table – just because he likes those, and I have noted that he's less likely to freak out if he's eating.

So I handed him the placating crab-balls and said that I had something to tell him, but he had to promise not to get angry. Zuko took them and gave me an unsure look before he said _can't promise that. _I, in a fit of maturity, said_ I can't tell you, if you don't promise. _He countered that if he promised, he's just be lying to get me to tell him. _Okay, well just promise you wont...get shouty. _I replied (and I think that's quite a good compromise).

Zuko nodded and made a bit of a constipated face. It was too distracting for me, so I asked _why are you making that constipated face?_ He actually got a bit grumpy at that (and I hadn't even gotten to my news yet) and said _this isn't a consitpated face! This is my __**preparing for bad news**__ face. I just know this is going to be bad. _So then I said that it wasn't even BAD, it was what he had wanted. He raised his good eyebrow at me skeptically.

_I told Sokka about us this morning okay...and then he might have told Aang and Suki...and I accidentally told Mai too. _I whispered to him quickly, decided that a speedy approach was the best in this case. _So if Suki's been making lame puns about steamed broccoli – it is probably because she knows...also because she thinks we're both total drama llamas who will react in entertaining ways._

Zuko made an absolutely incredulous face, like he didn't quite know what his feelings were doing. Eventually he said _Drama llamas? w_ith a confused titlt of his head. I nodded as said _I know right? Where'd she get that from, we aren't even that dramatic. _Zuko agreed with me and said that if anyone was a drama-llama in our group, it was Sokka, the big gossip face. I smiled at him widely then, but I wasn't completely off the hook yet.

He tried for a neutral expression and then said flatly_ so everybody...already knows? _I nodded, but then ammended that not everyone knew. Only Sokka, Suki, Aang and Mai knew for sure. He'd still have to tell his Uncle and Toph, and I hadn't told my dad yet.

_So, just for clarification, after making a big song and dance about not telling anyone last night, you went and told a whole bunch of people today. _He made a stern face at me and I nodded forlornly. I started feeling a bit hopeless, because I didn't want us to have another disagreement again so soon after our last one, despite how fun the making up portion of it was.

But suddenly his stern face broke into a big, affectionate smile. He'd been messing with me (this is possibly a result of him spending too much time with Toph, who loves to do stiff like that). _You're really not mad? _I asked, a bit delighted.

Zuko shrugged and said _No, course not. I wanted them to know... and now that conversation with Suki makes __**a lot more sense**__. _He made a face as he rememebered his conversation with Suki. He turned to me and said _right, they can say we're drama-llamas, but they've both got to be big perverts. _I nodded in agreement. And then we were both smiling widely at each other, like big dorks who are in love.

Zuko is definitely a bit dramatic though, because he still wanted to milk the fact that I had told people. He couldn't help but huff in an exagerrated fashion and say _I can't believe you told Sokka without me. _I smiled at him and said we could tell my Dad together. He looked alarmed at that and immediately dropped that act and said _No, it's cool. I don't want to be there when you tell your dad._ really quickly.

I asked him why not. Zuko explained that he was sure that Dad would make the Sir-Hakoda-Stink-Eye at him and then plot his demise in a dastardly and extremely wily fashion. I said that he wouldn't do that. I could handle my dad after all, and it was high time I told him. Zuko's eyes widened incredulously then. I thought he was trying to show the confidence he felt in my dad-handling abilities – but no. it is because my Dad had come up right behind me.

-o-

Speak of Koh and he do appear.

Speak of my Dad and he saunters over with a drink in his hand and a smug look on his face.

He nodded at both of us and said _do you two have something you want to tell me. _I decided at that point, that we should swing back around the snack table and procure more crab balls. My Dad also reacts to things better when he's eating.

I took my Dad and Zuko out to the balcony over looking the garden. Zuko was looking like he thought imminent disaster on par with Sozin's coment was approaching. My Dad was munching away on crab balls and going on about how good they were and acting determindly casual. He was trying to make small talk like it was what he was _born _to do. He went on about how we had to try the sweet dipping sauce, how nice was what they did with the lanterns etc etc.

I cleared my throat to get his attention and interrupt the slow of chatter, but that was kind of superfluous, because his clever eyes had been fixed on me the whole time. As soon as I took a step towards him, he shut and just looked at me...and waited.

What I ended up saying was some bizzare combination of speaking too slowly and too quickly simultaenously. It sounded a little something like this _Dad...err...welll...you see...ummm...okay... I brought you out here to tell you that...IloveZukoandI'vebeensecretlyseeinghimforlik eweeksnow. _

Dad nodded and said _Okay. I'm glad you told me. _

And nothing else.

It was weird.

_Wait...that's it? Aren't you furious with me? _I couldn't help but splutter out a bit baffled.

I mean, I had been expecting...more of a reaction to be honest. I was expecting you know, that we'd have a small dramatic fight, during which I may or may not get forbidden from seeing Zuko. And then I'd give a whole speech about how the heart wants what the heart wants and my Dad couldn't change that and I made my own choices and rah-rah-rah...but no. My dad was just..._glad I had told him. _He didn't seem to feel any of the over-protective, ill-informed and irrational **dad!rage** that I had been expecting.

It was a little anti-climatic to be honest.

Dad looked at me fondly and said _no, I'm not furious with you. I was a bit put-out when Iroh told me, because I don't like you keeping secrets from me...but you've told me now...and I'm glad. _

_My uncle told you? My Uncle knows? _Zuko asked, sounding a bit alarmed. Dad gave him a look that said **yes – you dolt. Of course you're uncle knows, **thensaid that Iroh had told him a couple of days ago. Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered _This explains so much about these past few days. _Zuko excused himself politely to go and talk to his Uncle. He still calls my dad Sir Hakoda, which I think is something my dad secretly relishes now.

Dad and I were alone, and I couldn't help but ask (because I never can) _That's really it? _Dad took a sip of his drink and look away for a second before saying _Does there have to be any more? I am glad that you are happy. That is the most important thing to me._ He pulled me into a nice, big snuggly hug. I thanked him for being so calm and good about Zuko and I. He shrugged and said he hadn't been so calm when Iroh first told him him, but now he'd had a few days to get used to the idea. Also, according to my dad, Zuko was a good lad, and that made the idea easier to get used to. According to dad, Zuko might be firenation, but as boyfriends for you go - he's a big improvement on Han and Jet. I knew he was teasing me, but I couldn't help but smile in relief. I was just so glad that my Dad liked him and was going to be reasonable about this. All of Zuko's fears that my Dad is going to do something horrendously wily and awful to him are completely unfounded. Dad grinned his oh-so-wily-grin and said _don't count your penguins. I'm still going to have to take him for__** A Talk **__at one point. _

Oh no – not **A Talk!**

I tried to discourage him from this course of action, but he was unmoved. It is apparently his right, as a father, to take my boyfriend aside and make vaguely threatening statements while he sharpens a bone knife and looks suitably menancing. Father's always have to do stuff like this, apparently. It is not only a dad thing -It is the way things have always been done in my tribe.

-o-

Zuko went to talk to Iroh, and Iroh has known for** aaages.** But he is nice about the fact that he has known for ages and just nods – smugly and knowingly. He also frenquently spouts vague pearls of wisdom.

Toph has also known for aaaages, but she is awful about it and will be forever stupidly smug about it. She went on about how she "called it from the beginning" and we "are both idiots" and we should "be grateful that she locked us in the pantry this afternoon – otherwise we would have dragged out this fight for ages because we are both idiots."*

*that it was Toph who locked us in was brand new information. Zuko and Toph had a small squabble about her little trick which resulted in them going outside to "settle it like benders." Really there was just some indignant name-calling, then Zuko just gave her the noogie of her life and now her hair is all askew and she is vowing revenge at a later date.

Jee only just found out tonight but is very pleased and surprised. He keeps going on about how surprised he is and accidentally insulting Zuko with his effusive suprise (by saying things like he never thought Zuko would get a girlfriend in the forseeable future). This is causing Zuko to say things like _I'm not a leper for Agni's sake! _Jee also started making jokes that are much better suited to a navy ship than a polite dinner (One of these jokes was about that time that Zuko tied me to a tree. Jee has **just figured out **that was the first time he met me. It's been bugging him for ages apparently). Toph would laugh like a hyena-crow at these, while Zuko looked like he wanted to die of embarrassment – until Iroh stepped in and had a **quiet word** with Toph and Jee. About keeping their voices low and not discussing **the secret **in public.

Iroh also took the liberty of having a quick word to everyone I had told, about how best to keep **the secret** on the downlow for the greater good. Iroh is no stranger to courtly-intrigue and secretive shenanigans and he was very convinving. He even convinced Sokka do kept it to himself from now on, which is no small feat. He was able to get everyone to act cool about knowing **the secret** and convinced them all to keep their teasing/comments/well-meant-advice/puns to themselves until later, when we are out of the Earth Kingdom public eye.

I tried to find time to thank him when no one eslse was around. When he had a odd minute to get a drink, I came up next to him and whispered my thanks. He smiled as he handed me a wine and told me that no thanks was necessary. I inisited it was. He smiled, and then asked me if he had ever told me of the time when he found living dragons. He had not. I had heard about the story from Zuko and Aang when they first got back from the sun warriors – but right then I had been more focussed on the fact that neither of them been eaten.

Iroh grinned like he does when he has a particularly poignant ancedote to tell people and told me all about how he had discovered the two dragons, still alive. He felt awe at such a sight. He knew if the world was aware of their existence – there would be a flood of people in that valley trying to destroy them. In Sozin's time, hunting the dragons was said to bring glory. They had forgotten the old ways which said that killing a dragon only resulted in the deepest shame. Iroh told the world that he himself had destroyed the very last of the dragons – a lie to protect them from certain death and the firenation from the everlasting tragedy of driving such a magnificent species to existence. He had kept secret all these years. Some lies, according to Iroh, are necessary – at that time, the world was not ready for two dragons and would not have reacted well. According to Iroh, sometimes the truth just has to wait until the world is ready.

-o-

So today was the last day of the East Wind Festival and it marks the day when Aang would have officially become of age, according to the Air Nomads. But this party was about more than Aang coming of age, it was the first time he really commanded the respect of everyone. He got up infront of everyone, and spoke so eloquently. Just looking around the room at everyone's faces, while they listened to him, I could tell that his words were having a huge impact. When he'd told us he was going to do this speech this afternnon – he wasn't asking for permission or advice. He said he knew what he had to say now and he'd come up with this speech all on his own. And his little speech ...well it was really, incredibly effective. It really united people together. For the first time in this entire peace conference, I felt like a lasting, meaningful peace is finally going to happen. I am just so incredibly proud of Aang. I always believed that Aang could save the world, and he's finally starting to grow into the Avatar I always knew he could be deep down.

He started by saying that normally, on the last day of the East wind festival, one of the monks would give a stirring speech about the circluar nature of life – but Aang wasn't going to do that. Yes the world and the seasons turned – but they were always spinning forward. Aang had grown up in a very different time, and for a long time he hoped he could** restore **the world to how it was before. But now he realised that he could never do that. We, as nations, could not ever go back. Instead of going backwards, we had to move forward together. If we hoped to repair, rejuventate and recreate the world as a better and fairer place – then we had to start working together. Working together might seem hard right now – because from what he had seen, there is still much fighting in the world even though the war is over. The Water Tribes fight eachother, the Earth Kingdom fights itself and the firenation fights everybody. It seemed all to easy to let our differences divide us – rather than seeing all the good things that we could learn from each other. The Air Nomads had always taught him that the world was full of love – and Aang still believed this was so, because, accofrding to him :_Humanity is like the ocean – just because a few drops in the ocean are dirty it does not mean the whole ocean is dirty. _

He got us the six of us to stand up with him then, and talked about each of our nations amd what he had learned from each of us. He said that he knew that the people from the earth kingdom were sensible, resilent and steadfast. From Toph he had learned how to stand his ground and be strong and enduring. From Suki he had learned that a leader has to be more than brave and capable – they have to be patient and listen even better that they fight. The Water Tribes were kind, clever and loving. He learned all about what family really means – from being around Sokka and I. We had taken him into our family, with open hearts and open minds. Sokka had shown him how to look closer at the world, and find alternative solutions. I had shown him my unfailingly loyalty. I had always had his back – no matter how dire the situation. From me, Aang had seen what it really meant to stand for something – even if it was hard. The people of the firenation were passionate and determined, but it was only through knowing Zuko that Aang had discovered that having a responsibility meant that you didn't get to throw in the towel and take the easy way out when things were tough. You had to perservere and keep trying – no matter what.

Aang said that he wouldn't be the avatar that he was today without us. The war would not have been won without us. He said, in this proud, solem voice that I rarely hear from Aang,_ I've learned so much from all my friends – and don't you see that is what the world should be like? All of us learning from each other? Our differences don't have to divide us – they can make us stronger and better. And I'm not saying it was perfect all the time. Of course it wasn't. We disagreed over heaps of things – but you know what we did then? we worked it out, we compromised, we co-operated, we listened. _He said that we had worked together and between the six of us, we end a 100 years war. What an extrodinary feat! And we're just kids, and we were able to work together and do something extrodianry. Imagine the incredible things that could happen if the whole world worked together. What brilliant feats? What extrordinary endeavours we could accomplish if the entire world started working together?

Aang said that rather that simply celebrating his coming of age – he wanted to celebrate the six of us, and our incredible acheivement. He wanted everyone to feel like they could join us in striving for a better future, because the time for peace had come.

The was such a thunderous applause following this little speech. I used to worry that Aang's determination to love everyone and see the best in them was a bit naïve and would get him into trouble, but only someone like Aang could have delivered a speech like that with such sincerity. It was his sincerity which made people really belive him. There was such a feeling of hope and possiblity hanging in the air. If six teenagers could end one hundred years of war, simply by working together – then surely anything could be possible. Aang said that the festival of the east wind is meant to mark when things begin, and I feel like something extrodinary began tonight. Something really amazing just happened. Something that will be talked about in history books for years to come.

-o-

So I've decided that this will be my last entry. I'm going to stop trying to keep track of everything and writing every little conversation down. Life keeps happening so fast and I can't keep up. Also I think if I stop, it will prevent me from falling into "old habits". I've made a promise and I'm not going to relapse again. It's kind of funny that I started writing these because I didn't think I could trust Zuko as far as I coul throw him, and I'm stopping now because I love him.

Also because Toph came in here to bother me and took to mocking me in this falsetto voice and saying all the things she thinks I'm writing in here. According to Toph, this book is filled with love sick blitherings like _dear diary, Zuko was looking hot today. His eyes are blazing and his arse is smoking. _She chortled to herself at that – because she thinks she's so clever. What's in hear isn't as embarrassing as all that, but I would still prefer if no one else ever got to read these. I have been mocked enough already.

Now that everyone knows, it is possible that I will never live this down.

But that is fine.

The others are good about not telling anyone and keeping our secret. They are better than good actually. Teasing, terrible puns and jokes aside – they are all actually being really supportive. They seem really happy for us, if a little exasperated that it look us so long to get together. It was apparently super obvious to everyone that we fancied each other – and all my protestations about not liking Zuko _like that _back on Ember Island were for naught. And here I was thinking I was so sneaky and wily.

I was so worried about how everyone would react and now I realise that there really was no point to all that worry in the first place. They've all been so supportive and Zuko is so much happier now that everyone knows and we don't have to sneak around so much. Dad told me, (after his requisitie **Talk **with Zuko and my ensuing worry) that there would be hundreds of different things against us as a couple – but he was never going to be one of those things. Sure he was going to be a **totally embarrassing Dad**, and at a later date he is going to regale Zuko with stories about what happened when I was four and thought that eating sea prunes raw was a great idea, but he's always going to support me and just wants me to be happy. However supporting me and wanting me to be happy is going to come with a great deal of teasing. This is also Sokka's attitude exactly. But Sokka's way of showing how much he loves someone has always been to make lots of jokes. He has taking to making lots of jokes about how he and Zuko really will be brothers now and calling Zuko his future brother-in-law.

It's a bit early to be teasing us about all that, I think. I mean, I have hopes for the future where we get married and have lots of sex and babies... I don't know what the future will bring. Its like I said the other day; maybe we will implode, I can't say for sure that we wont.

But I think we'll be extraodinary.

I know I love him. We have been through hell and back together and I don't think anything can sink us. Sure we have to be together in secret now, but that wont be forever. I'm not ashamed of our love, and one day the world will be ready. The world only spins forward.

It's definitely love for me. Zuko hasn't said he loves me back yet – but I am going to be cool about that and not needle him about it. He's not ready to say it yet, and I am going to be patient with him. I'm sure he loves me too, even though he hasn't said it. As Sokka pointed out, he jumped in front of lightning for me after all...and put up with all my stalking. But it's more than that. He smiles whenever he sees and I think we can build strong something on that.

He loves me, even though I can be such an idiot sometimes.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Fin!

-o-o-o-o-o-

Wonderful, brilliant glorious readers! If you are reading this and have stuck with me through thousands and thousands of words, then I have nothing but love for you! Thank you for reading and thank you for all your wonderful reviews and feedback. I've had such a great time writing this series and meeting the lot of you. So sorry that this update has taken me ages and ages (but not as long as it took Zuko and Katara to get together). Teaching full-time has eaten up nearly all my free time. But thank you all for being so patient for the final installment.

So that's all she wrote, and we have reached the end of this wacky journey together. Please leave all thoughts, suggestions and/or requests for refunds in the review box.

Short notes:

One of my pet peeves in fiction is having Sokka/Hakoda go all crazy-protective over Katara going out with Zuko. I can see them being crazy embarrassing, but I just don't see them getting all up in Zuko's grill. Mostly because there seems to be a lot of mutual respect there, unless there is an in-story reason for them to think Zuko's not a good bet for Katara. So I tried to avert that trope. I think Hakoda likes Zuko well enough, but more importantly he can see how much Zuko likes and respects Katara. I think he would trust Katara to make her own choices (even if they are not the choices he would've made for her). He just wants her to be happy, and if Zuko makes her so, then he'll adapt to that.

Aang – oh Aang! I love Aang, but boy does his characterisation suffer from being creator's pet. I wanted so much more for Aang than we got in canon. Aang's like humanity is like the ocean...is from Ghandi, another amazing pacifist. See this is where Aang's pacifist and non-confrontational attitude would really open acknowledgement of the collaborative nature of the victory at the end of Sozin's Comet is a great step because it shows 1) that amazing things are possible when the four nations get together 2) its not ALL ABOUT AANG anymore. Sharing the war ending glory with the Gaang rather than just taking all the credit its a great step for him, both personally and politically. He is showing his ability to work with all the nations in friendship and respect. In the post war re-construction era, he would have more reason to hate the firenatiuon than anyone, but he would be able to lead by example and extend friendship and forgiveness to the firenation. I have many feelings about Aang's behaviour in-series and especially during Sozin's comet, but I actually think that he would be really good at the post-war stuff. Peace has to come from all sides – it can't be created by Aang** telling** people to stop fighting (a la the great divide). But it can be encourgaed by Aang** showing** people a peaceful way forward and how working together is possible.

Anyway, I know I've been a bit hard on Aang in this series, but that is mostly because the narrative of ATLA never pushed Aang to learn and gosh did I want him to learn so many things. But I've tried to have Aang grow as a person in this series. He has out-grown his childish crush on Katara during his time in Ba Sing Se, and that is a good thing. That is why Aang is so Zen about finding out about Zuko and Katara. (Even Aang figured it out, once he took his Katara-crush-blinders off).

As for the future?

I'll post my rambly head canons in the next chapter.


	28. The shape of shenanigans to come

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The shape of shenanigans to come.

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So I have so many head canons to share with you all.

If I could have the Gaang as one big polyamorous family that loves each other always, I would. So I reject Bryke's future canon, and subsitute my own. Seriously though, the Gaang is a family now. I just think they are six people who would love each other very much and would always been good friends and make time for eachother.

This is one of the reasons why the comics/Korra make me so dissappointed -but we shall not speak of those.

Aang, Ty Lee and the Airnomads -

Now Aang can go off and have adventures with Ty Lee while he teaches her bending. I can see them becoming great friends. I think Ty Lee is a very sex positive induvidual and her attitude would be a great influence on Aang. I can see Aang having lots of girlfriends and lots of meaningful relationships and trying heaps of different things and he grows as an Avatar and figures out who he is.

They will find more untrained benders. I can also see Aang have a bunch of kids to different ladies. The recovery of the air nomad race will be a slow process, but it will happen. I think that the new air nomads will conduct their business differently that the airnomads of the past - mostly out of necessity, because that old way of life would not be viable in its entirety. I think that Aang would try to stick to the Air Nomad teachings as much as possible, but would learn to moderate his stance where appropriate. I can see him having a few philosophical differences with Ty Lee and Guru Pathik, but these differences would help him clarify how he really feels about his beliefs as well as the loss and recovery of his nation.

I don't think the air nomads are gone forever. I don't think the sky bison are gone forever either. Just as I think that the spirits would maintain balance, and there would be many untrained airbenders out there, I also think that there are still sky bison out there. They are wild now, and taming them will be a big job - but they're still there.

Anyway, Aang fixes up the Southern and the Eastern Air Temples, with the help of Guru Pathik, Ty Lee and the Gaang (plus a large amount of money in reparations and a pleb ex-solider work-force, because all those ex-soliders have got to get a job somewhere now). The rebuilding of the temples would take several years to restore them properly. The Northern would get left to the refugees/the mechanist who have made it their home. The Western Air Temple would be restored at a much later date, and then left for posterity/as the new bison breeding ground.

Ty Lee's story isn't Aang's story, though she will play her role in rebuilding, but also re-shaping the Air Nomad culture. She's such a free spirit that I can see her adapting well to the nomadic lifestyle. I think she would reject some of their practices and teachings though. I can't see her shaving her head or giving up any future children she would have. She might allow other air-benders to have an active role in raising her children, but I can't see her giving them up for good.

Also we should not forget that Ty Lee is a genius – to invent chi-blocking single handedly at age 14 requires some serious smarts. Though she seems like a bubbly air-head, there must be an amazing mind under all that cheerfulness. I think she will master Airbending quickly (2-3 years), travel round extensively searching and training airbenders, teaching chi-blocking to non-benders* and riding the giant Koi/other animals when she can and generally having a good time. I can see her maintaining good relationships with all her friends, including both Azula and Mai – who will be at odds for several years. I think that it will eventually be Ty Lee, not Zuko, who would help those two lovely ladies overcome their issues. For Ty Lee's sake, they would reconnect and though they'll never be close again, they'll be civil to eachother.

*the whole bender/non-bender conflict would be way different in my head-canon.

I'm in two minds over whether Ty Lee/Aang would happen now. If anything, I would like to see them have a relationship in their twenties – when Aang is a lot older. This would be a deep and meaningful connection that would mean a great deal to both of them, but they would part ways amicably because neither of them have a monogamous nature at that point in their lives. The first few "new" airbenders would be born out of their relationship.

In my head canon, Aang is not the last air bender, nor does he pass such a terrible legacy onto his son. He works proactively to rebuild his nation, has moderate success that will be build upon by his kids. He has heaps of adventures, many lovers and grows in wisdom. His gentle nature helps the world recover from a century of war.

None of this manogamous relationship with one woman from age 12 for Aang. Boo to only having three kids, of which only one is a airbender. Blergh.

Suki, Sokka and new diplomacy -

Suki- I can see Suki and the Kyoshi warriors playing a big role as peacekeepers in the colonies. Kyoshi Island was neutral during the war and this neutrality would make them ideal for peace-keeping operations. I would like to see the Kyoshi warriors expanded from being a little militia from Kyoshi Island into a well-trained, well-resourced force of good in the world. With Suki leading them, I can see the Kyoshi Warriors becoming the key peacekeeping force in the world, and attached to a UN-like body, which would be developed by the Gaang in co-operation with other world leaders. I also think that they would being to take in recruits from all over the world and evolve to become less insular. Suki would be a well respected leader, who would uphold Kyoshi's teaching and would help keep balance and peace in the world. Kyoshi Island would offically become and independent nation, completely seperate from the earth kingdom. They already pretty much are, but under Suki, this would be made official.

She and Sokka would be based in the newly renamed Republic City (formerly two rivers colony in this universe). It was the first place that Suki and the Kyoshi warriors were sent as peace keepers and the first colony to become completely indepenant from the firenation. It's proximity to the other colonies means that it would be ideal as a base for peace keeping missions. I can see Suki and Katara setting up something simmilar to UNICEF, and Suki and her warriors will be assist in humantarian missions with Katara during peace time.

She and Sokka would get married and live together in Republic City for a long time. They would frequently travel to both the SWT and the FN to visit family. They would maintain close ties with the SWT, as Sokka will inherit the responsibility of chief and the SWT would slowly start to change to become more gender-equal. By the time that Hakoda dies and Sokka takes over as chief, Suki is comfortable with relocating there. Though she would be a badass grandma at that point and would sass anyone who gave her sexist crap.

Sokka-

I can see Sokka as a real renaissance man. He so incredibly intelligent that he would aquire all these amazing skills and do so many amazing things with his life. He would quickly become independantly wealthy from his assistance in developing the airships. The airship fleet would quickly become quite a popular way to get around. It would also be necessary in the post-war reconstruction period, as there would be much need for diplomatic travel. The first two air-ship ports would be in Ba Sing Se and the FN Capital, the third would be in Republic City with eventually every nation having an Airship Port in its key city.

He would be an amazing inventor, after studying the engineering and metal work of the FN and applying that technical knowlegde in creative ways. In my head canon, many of his adventures that we see in the series, such as the submarines, would be more fully developed. Submarine/ship travel would still remain more popular in the Water Tribes.

I can also see him playing a big diplomatic role in the newly emerging colonies. While Suki is captain of the peace-keeping force, I can see him playing the role of a governor of some description. Being neither from the FN or the EK would give him neutrality and help him lead with fairness. He would be trusted by Aang and Zuko in this role and would help steer the warring factions in the colonies onto the path of peace and co-operation. He would retain his role as govenor for some time, until Republic City could be self-governing. Republic City as a newly emerging city-state, would attracted people from the world over and become a real mixing pot.*

*in my head canon, I think that Sokka and Suki would be very aware of **bender priviledge** and would make sure that there were anti-discrimination measures in place, such as mandatory chi-blocking in the schools of the new colonies as an attempt to mitigate bender bullying/intimidation.

While Toph would be their chief of police, but I don't think that the police force would be completely made up of earth benders. Blergh to that. Gosh I take issue with so much of Korra, because it makes the Gaang look like idiots, and in my head canon neither Sokka or Suki or Toph are idiots, for goodness sake.

I see Sokka later in his life trying his hand at teaching engineering at the University, and then trying his hand at writing plays, mostly comedies, which would be generally well received. His most popular play, _Bossyboots and Angrypants in the Airtemple – THE MUSICAL, _will be an obvious and thinly veiled retelling of Katara and Zuko's shenanigans in the airtemple (however it would end with them getting together sooner, as all good musical should end with a kiss). It would even use exerpts from her stalker diary as dialogue (much to Katara's great annoyance). It will be a break-out hit and have songs that get ridicuolous stuck in people's heads. Katara will come across people humming the tunes all the time, and develop a special sort of hatred for the song _The Fountain Queen Commands. _

Sokka will also write a few history plays, as well as a complete, more accurate, re-write of the boy in the iceberg. He will surprise everyone with the poignant sincerity of _Luna, _his first try at writing tragedy. While his previous plays had irreverant dedications (eg the dedication in _Bandit! - the MUSICAL_ says: To my favourite dirt-eating wench and the original bandit. You had me at that very first display of your hairy pits) the dedication in _Luna _simply says "For Yue".

Toph

Toph is in such a unique position, and I can really see her making the most of it. She'll stay with Zuko and Iroh for the mean time, but visit her parents at regular intervals. Lao will increase his trade with the FN and evnetually buy some property in the FN capital so that Poppy can be closer to Toph. I think Toph will always be close with Zuko and Iroh. She already feels a part of their family. Zuko always treats her like a sister from another mother. Iroh will tell her that though the spirits never blessed him with a daughter, if he had one he would want her to be exactly like Toph. She will call the FN Palace home until she feels completely settled in Republic City. I don't see Toph going straight into the top spot at Republic City.

I think that Toph will have so much freedom now that there will be a little period where she doesn't quite know what to do with it. She'll go through a period of soul searching where she will try out many different things - and Zuko and Iroh will give her the freedom to experiment. She will work closely with Sokka when he is studying engineering and help him with her metal bending. She'll try her hand at inventing for herself. She will use her skill with detecting lies to help Zuko in the war crimes trials. I think she'll also try her hand at helping Aang fix up on eo fthe temples, as well as travelling with him again. She'll do a stint with the Kyoshi warriors as a peace-keeper, and do a stint working with Katara in her humantarian aid projects. She will also set up her own Earthbending academy and pass metal bending on to competent students. She will be a brutally tough sifu and only take the best students. I eventually see her settling down to life as the cheif of police in Republic City - which she will find herself very well suited to. But she will only do this after she has had heaps of life experience and decided that she wants to devote her life to fighting crime.

Lovers? I think that Toph will have many. She will experiment with boyfriends, as she is developing her "type". I actually see her eventually marrying a comedian, or an actor or someone else who is very good at making her laugh. Someone good, kind and worthy of her. There aren't any characters who I think would be perfect for Toph in series at the moment.

Iroh

I think that Iroh will stay with Zuko and continue to serve as his most trusted advisor. I blow my nose at the stupidity of him moving to Ba Sing Se to make tea for starngers. No, Iroh will help Zuko as best he can. He dispense with wisom and embarrassment in equal measure. He will continue to insist that tea fixes everything. he will absolutely spoil his grand-neices and grand-nephews and give them drumkits and too much sugar etc.

Ursa -

So Ursa is a Joo Dee at the moment. Losing her memories is tough, but it is literally one of the only things that I think would keep her from her children if she was still alive. But she is alive and healthy and will be well cared for by Yugoda. She will return to Zuko, Azula and Toph one day...but I have something in mind for that, and I don't want to give it away just yet.

Ozai - will rot in that dungeon. The jerk. Honestly I am not at all on the redemption for Ozai bandwagon. To me, he is like an older version of Prince Joffery from _Game of thrones. _ He crossed the moral event horizon long ago, and the best thing for his kids would be if they can get as much distance from him as possible - and some major therapy to deal with the abusive stuff he heaped upon them for no good reason.

Azula

Will eventually recover from her psychotic break. I can see her and Zuko repairing their sibling bond eventually. I think that Zuko would stick by her through her recovery, in a similar manner to how he does in my christmas fic, and though she will try her best to provoke him and they'll have big fights - he'll never give up on her. This steadfast loyalty from someone who isn't trying to use her will help her begin to tackle her various abandonment issues. I think Katara will assist in her recovery, and while Azula will provoke her too, and they will also have big fights - eventually they will develop a rapport based on mutual respect. Zuko and Katara will try and keep their relationship secret from her for a time, because they will be worried about how she will react - but she will know and needle them about it constantly.

One day she will be well enough to function in society, though I think she will always have a hard time dealing with people in a social setting, she will come to a place where she is content in herself and doesn't feel the need to use fear constantly in her interpersonal relationships or "win" every conversation. I don't know really ship her with anything aside from Azula/mental health. I think the only people she genuinely loves at this point is Zuko and Ty Lee. She does love them in her own way, abd a big part of her recovery will be learning how to show them affection in healthy ways. At Ty Lee's behest, she will also try and repair her relationship with Mai.

I think eventually she will devote her incredible mind to working "cold cases" on missing persons, and be a bit like Sherlock in the new BBC version. She'll be a socially inappropriate panda, but she'll be brilliant at what she does. She and Mai will sometimes co-operate on the same cases and discover a new rapport. I think they were always intellectual equals with simmilar senses of humor, and this would be a much healthier foundation for a friendship than power/control.

Mai/Jet/June

Gosh, I wish I could just have these three as a polyamorous trio of crime-solving awesome. I think they will be an amazing bounty-hunting trio together. June will love having two apprentices and she will be tough but fair on them. Mai will flourish as a bounty hunter and get to have so many bad-ass adventures - but she will also discover so much of the world and its injustices and begin to re-evaluate her priorities. She'll never be bored again with Jet and June, but she will learn that there are worse things than boredom out there. She'll never be quite as good at the outdoorsy stuff as Jet, but he'll never be quite as good at the academic stuff as Mai. Their relationship will become more balanced the more they work will eventually deal with his inner demons and become a more well-rounded induvidual. Jet will also be much better at dealing with people, especially young victims, than either Mai or June. Both of them would feel quite awkward dealing with overt displays of emotion - but Jet would be able to help those victims because he would know all of their feels. Jet will always be a bit implusive and Mai will always be a bit aloof - but they will help balance each other out and become life-long BFFs. I don't know if I "ship" them, but I do love their dynamic. Smellerbee and Longshot will set themselves up in Ba Sing Se and live a simple and good life together. Their place will be where Jet calls home when he is not on the road.

Finally -

Our Dynamic Duo. Our Favourite Drama Llamas.

I will miss writing these two together, because gosh they are just beautiful whole fic came about because I just loved them so much together and they just made so much sense together that I had to write them both a happier ending than they got in ATLA. In all honesty, I feel that Zutara made much more thematic sense. Inter-racial love between former enemies who learn how to respect and work together and grow to love each other despite their differences is just a more resonant love story. Now I've finished this, and still managed to incorporate canon means that I can watch ATLA all the way through and just imagine that this story is happening in the background, off screen.

I think that they'll continue to help each other grow as people. They'll support one another in tumultous days to come. They'll always have each other's backs. After everything they've been through together and how far they've come, I can't see them ever breaking up. I actually think that eventually they'd be seen as one of the great love stories of the ATLA universe- akin to Oma and Shu, but minus the tragedy.

Even though they were complete drama llamas prior to getting together, I actually don't think their relationship would be all that dramatic. I think this might be an unpopular opinion, because they are both so passionate - but I actually think their relationship would be fairly steady and stable. I can see them more taking refuge from the world and all their external problems in their relationship with each other. I actually think their relationship would be a little haven for the both of them because they feel completely accepted by the other person and they know that the other person is in completely their corner. Of course with both their tempers they'd fight and bicker every now and then, but they would work to resolve it quickly.

I don't think Katara would ever give up her culture or forget where she came from, but she'd also learn to incorporate her new home. I think she'd wear a mix of blues and reds - rather than just solidly blocking on colour or the other. You often see Katara either completely in FN red or WT blue in fan art, but I guess I would just love to see her in a mix of colours. I don't think she'd ever stop wearing her mother's necklace and I really don't think that Zuko would give her a new betrothal necklace. He knows and respects how much that necklace means to her and would never try to replace it. Also the necklaces are a NWT tribe and seem to be a symbol of male ownership more than anything else. I think he proposes to her with the customs of his people and gives her a ring.

I think Katara will train with Dr Yang for several years until she is a completely competent healer. She will develop new forms of healing that incorporate her bending, FN medicine and EK herbal remedies and make many discoveries. She will also actively campaign for the rights of women and children around the world and do much humantarian work. The Gaang will work together to establish an UN-like body, and draft a document like _the universal declaration of human rights._ I can see Katara having an active role in this organisation and creating a humantarian branch simmilar to UNICEF. I think Katara would work tirelessly to help people everywhere. Her first project would be cleaning up that river from _the painted lady_ and attending to all the other villages which had been affected by the pollution and water-born diseases. Her incredible compassion that she will frequently display to the poor and the sick and the downtrodden, regardless of their nation of birth - will quickly win her the favour of the people. When she is firelady, she'll be regarded as a People's Firelady.

She's not the sort of firelady who would just sit around the Palace, she'd be the sort of firelady who would take an active role in things. Zuko would support her in all of this. She'd have a life and goals and work that was independant from him (*cough* unlike whatever the hell has happened to her in the comics where she is fused to Aang and has no agency outside of him *cough*).

Zuko's job as firelord is going to be immensely hard, but I think he will learn how to shoulder it well. He'll have his Uncle, Piandao and Jee to help him. He'll learn how to not only cope, but flourish in his role. He steer the FN in the right direction and help them redeem himself. He'll work tirelessly to help rebuild FN society and make reparations to the world. I think that Zuko would do lots of reform the various problems inequities in the firenation, such as the extreme poverty in rural areas. He would also reform the education system so that it was no longer a tool of indoctrination. He will develop as a fair and strong ruler who genuinely cares about people. He would be respected and loved by the masses, and while he would face some opposition and disgruntlement from the upper echelons of FN society, he would find ways to diplomatically naviagte around them.

The fact that he is so different from Ozai will always count in his favour. Banning Agni Kais and reforming the justice system will show that he is someone who values fairness over fear. On a shallow note, I think that Zuko would always try and be physically different from his father as well. I think that he will keep his hair fairly short from now on. No longer than the length it is an the end of season 3. There are shallow reasons for this, mostly because I really hate long hair on dudes and love the season three hair the best. there are also a few more serious reasons, because Ozai always had long, shampoo commercial-esque locks, and I think that Zuko would try and differentiate himself as much as possible from his crazy dad. Also we know from Korra that short, cropped hair eventually becomes fashionable in the FN. Top knots are out and short hair is in (eg Iroh II's do). I would like to think that fashion started with Zuko.

Okay I know that was a lot to write about hair, but I just have a lot of feelings. This is all a round about way of saying that I would love to see some fan art with Katara dressed in reds and blues and Zuko with short hair.

Seriously though, I do think that Zuko would have several suitcases worth of Ozai baggage, especially when it came to fatherhood. I think he'd be more nervous than anything about the prospect of having kids. But despite all his nerves, I think he'd be a wonderful father. I do love me some Dadko. Being a good dad to his kids would finally silence all those horrible fears of turning into his dad that I'm sure Zuko has surpressed inside him.

I think that under Zuko, many of the former colonies will become independant city-states. While they would have the support of the FN, they would be their own sovereign entities. They wouldn't belong to either the EK or the FN, but would be independant. I actually think that Rena, my outspoken OC from Oyster Bay colony, would eventually grow up to be elected to represent her colony in its bid for independance. Her visit to the FN and her accompany casks of wine would lead those in the Palace to a few delightful poor life choices.

While the FN will need several years to re-adjust to a post war world, and there will be some difficulties such as urban decay, over-population and a large contingent of unemployed ex-soliders, eventually the nation will prosper again, but prosper through more peaceful means. All the FN drive will be channelled towards construction rather than destruction. Under Zuko's reign, they will enter what will be remembered fondly as a golden era, or a belle epoque.

Anyway, these two were my absolute favourites in a show where I loved practically everyone. I just want him to be happy, ya know. I want Katara to be happy too. I think they'd be able to make each other happy. In my head canon, I do think they'd be extrodinary together.


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